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Crazy Mother Hubbard: What To Do With The World’s Largest Squash, Part 3 – Squashy Pumpkin Cinnamon Buns!
I was craving cinnamon rolls, and I didn’t have the motivation to make anything else, so into the buns they went! Are they rolls or buns? Someone please tell me. Anyway, I used to be scared of baking with yeast because ew it’s alive and it makes things grow and we’re vegans and shouldn’t be eating things that grow as you make it…but then I remembered that my love of playing with my food outweighs my fear of weird things, so I gave it a try, loved it, and now I’m like the yeastmaster. Worst name ever. But these rollbuns are fantastic! Let’s learn how to make them!
CAUTION.
NB that using the Hubbard Squash somehow breaks the laws of nature, because the normal amount of flour that should have sufficed ended up being nowhere near enough. After mixing the liquid ingredients together, I added the flour, la di da, things are fine, but then the mixture was still way too wet, no matter how much extra flour I added. It was the Squash Monster! It kept absorbing flour like it was me drinking water and it wouldn’t stop and everything got dark and fuzzy and I ran out of flour and had to make oat flour but the Squash Monster (Squashster?) just wouldn’t be satisfied until it had destroyed ALL OF THE POSSIBLE FLOURS I had in my house. I even had to throw in some quinoa flour just to mess with its head. Finally, with both of us exhausted but only me still hungry, Squashster dried up a little, enough for me to actually roll out the dough, which was yet another hurdle to overcome considering I had no flour left to flour the rolling surface. Man alive. All of this is just to warn you that this could happen, so buy extra flour. The rolls were fantastic, so don’t be skeered. Also, I’m sure it was just me.
CINNAMON ROLL BUNS
INGREDIENTS:
For the buns:
For the filling:
DIRECTIONS:
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Veganizing “Friends”: Dr. Roger’s Oysters & Middle Eastern Couscous
This is how I feel about mushrooms. Also, blog namesake!
Monica: I hope you’re hungry. We’re starting with oysters. And y’know what they say about oysters, don’t you?
Dr. Roger: They have parasites?
Monica: No! Umm well, some people say that oysters are an aphrodisiac.
Dr. Roger: What people?
Monica: People! People say it! Come here! (She grabs him and kisses him.)
Dr. Roger: So oysters, huh?
Monica: And then we’re gonna have a little Middle Eastern couscous. Something we can eat…with our hands.
Dr. Roger: Y’know, it’s funny, but when we were studying communicable diseases…
Monica: No-no-no, no! It’s sensual!
Dr. Roger: Ohh! Didn’t know! Okay!
Anyway, Monica is dating Dr. Roger, and she’s wondering whether she “should, ya know, give him [her] flower.” She makes him this dinner of oysters and couscous in a failed attempt to seduce him. Luckily, Chandler saves the day. Could Chandler BE any greater in this episode? (“They didn’t add the second ‘cous’ until 1979.”)
Because we are talking about “The One That Could Have Been”, I have all the motivation I need to share one of my all-time favorite “Friends” moments, which happened to occur during this episode. It’s Fat Monica’s epic, and I mean EPIC, Dance with the Donut.
First, we will marinate and then saute the oyster mushrooms. While I like the flavor imparted by baking mushrooms, oysters cook fairly quickly, and you don’t want them to get rubbery, so we’re going to saute today. Then, we will make my take on a somewhat Middle Eastern couscous. Most such recipes will have dried fruit, but I despise dried fruit in savory food. (Actually, just in food period, because what sweet dishes have dried fruit, fruitcake? Gross.)
SAUTEED OYSTER MUSHROOMS
Ingredients:
For the marinade:
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Directions:
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MIDDLE EASTERN COUSCOUS
Ingredients:
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Directions:
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- “The hazelnut’s actually not a nut, it’s a seed. Can anyone name a well-known seed that’s been masquerading around as a nut?”
- What did Rachel say was Chandler’s job during the epic trivia game?
- Why DID Joey get fired from ‘DOOL’?