That Time I Finally Went to Vegan Treats (Mecca)by Randi / September 22, 2013
Tonight, Ross is getting his lumps. Phoebe is getting her peas and onions. And Mario is getting his tots*. Confused? Don’t be! We’re having three kinds of potatoes! People are needy about their potatoes! But it’s going to be awesome! In continuing this VeganMoFo theme of veganizing food made on “Friends”, we’re looking at the first ever Thanksgiving episode, “The One Where Underdog Gets Away.” The “Friends” Thanksgiving episodes are usually stellar, and this early installment is no different. Monica is in charge of her first Thanksgiving dinner, and all the Friends are pretty ignorant of how hard she is working. They all make personal requests – Chandler needs his tomato soup and grilled cheese*, Ross needs mashed potatoes with lumps, Phoebe needs her potatoes whipped and with peas and onions, and Joey needs his potatoes in tot form. (Joey is wise.)
Joey: Hey, Monica, I got a question. I don’t see any tater tots.
Monica: That’s not a question.
Joey: But my mom always makes them. It’s like a tradition. You get a little piece of turkey on your fork, a little cranberry sauce, and a tot! It’s bad enough I can’t be with my family because of my disease.
Monica: All right, fine. Tonight’s potatoes will be both mashed with lumps, and in the form of tots.
Monica: What, Phoebe, did you whip the potatoes? Ross needs lumps!
Phoebe: Oh, I’m sorry, oh, I just, I thought we could have them whipped and then add some peas and onions.
Monica: Why would we do that?
Phoebe: Well, ’cause then they’d be like my mom used to make them, you know, before she died.
Monica: Ok, three kinds of potatoes coming up.
Of course, Monica complies with these requests. But she kind of freaks out about how much stress she’s under. Watch the below, from 7:30 to 8:01.
Poor little Harmonica! And poor little burnt potatoes! Let’s get started cooking, and let’s not burn anything. This is all relatively simple, so we’re not going to give real recipe directions. You’ll be able to do it, I promise.
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POTATOES WITH LUMPS – ROSS
First, we’ll make Ross’s potatoes, with lumps. Get about 3-4 pounds of potatoes. I really like cooking with a bag of mixed colors, it’s so cheerful! Boil the potatoes until soft, then drain. Add half of those potatoes back into the pot, and add salt, pepper, olive oil or butter, a dash of unsweetened plain almond milk, and mash! Careful – do not overmash, because we need to keep some lumps in there! POTATOES WITH PEAS & ONIONS – PHOEBE Next, chop up an onion and saute it over medium heat in a bit of olive oil in a saucepan. You know how do to this! I believe in you! After about 5 minutes, add in about 1/2C frozen peas, and cook for about 5 more minutes. TOTS – JOEY’S I’m still really beat from my weekend, and from my full week now of being sick, so we’re going to use frozen tots instead of making them from scratch. I bet Trader Joe’s fantastic frozen (and vegan-marked) tots would still trump anything I tried from scratch. They cook really well, for about 20 minutes in a 400° oven. I let them cook an extra 10 minutes because crispy Tots are the work of heaven. |
Purdy taters! 
Am I always sauteing peas and onions? 
Just like Lily would make 
Gotta have my tots, man |
So, there you have it! Potatoes with lumps for Ross, tots for Joey, and whipped potatoes with peas and onions for Phoebe. If I had to pick and make just one for Thanksgiving, it would probably be Ross’s. You want a little texture with your mash, right? Phoebe’s are nice too, but other guests would probably be like ‘What’s in my potatoes? Difference, no!” However, for any other dinner, occasion, holiday, lunch, day of the week, whatever, Joey is right in this instance. Tots man!
Giveaway trivia:
1. Why does Monica refer to Joey as ‘Mario’?!
2. Why does Chandler not eat Thanksgiving food? (Hint: Even if you don’t know ‘Friends’, you’d know this if you’ve been reading these posts!)
3. Why does Monica’s big dinner burn?
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Veganizing “Friends”: Chandler’s “Righteous” Mac & Cheese
Righteous mac & cheese with some burnt Brussels sprouts
If you know “Friends” (and I hope you do!), you know that Chandler hates, I mean HATES, Thanksgiving. His parents announced their divorce on Thanksgiving when he was nine years old, and he was so upset that he threw up all the traditional foods he had eaten. Subsequently, he refused to ever celebrate the holiday or eat ‘Thanksgiving-y’ foods. (If I recall correctly, he also started smoking at this point too. At age 9.)
So, we learn through flashbacks that, during college, Ross brought his roommate Chandler home for several Thanksgivings. The first time, Monica offered to make him mac & cheese since he didn’t eat Thanksgiving food. When eating it, Chandler said, in an offhand way, “This is great, you should be a chef!” and Monica just excitedly said “Ok!” And as we know, she became a professional chef. It’s one of my favorite Fat Monica moments, though I love her allatimes.
So, we learn through flashbacks that, during college, Ross brought his roommate Chandler home for several Thanksgivings. The first time, Monica offered to make him mac & cheese since he didn’t eat Thanksgiving food. When eating it, Chandler said, in an offhand way, “This is great, you should be a chef!” and Monica just excitedly said “Ok!” And as we know, she became a professional chef. It’s one of my favorite Fat Monica moments, though I love her allatimes.
So, the following Thanksgiving, Chandler (having dropped his Flock of Seagulls look for a Miami Vice one) asked Monica if she’d again make him some of that “righteous mac & cheese”.
So yay, we are making some righteous mac & cheese! And it’s not even Thanksgiving! (Mac & cheese is ideal for any occasion.) This is the dish that gave Monica her start as a chef! Soo important. This recipe is my usual weekly go-to, but I added a secret ingredient today – caramelized onions – to give it a richer, more autumn, more Thanksgiving-y taste.
You start by boiling carrots and potatoes. I got the idea from the famous VegNews recipe years ago, and since then I’ve adapted it into my own specialty. I usually do two pounds (!!) of each, like 7-8 small potatoes and 10 peeled and chopped carrots (not baby carrots, too sweet). Come on, you need lots of sauce! Then, you blend the vegetables with margarine, milk, nooch, cashews, mustard, lemon, salt and pepper, and sometimes soy sauce/tamari/miso if it needs to be saltier. Mix in your pasta, and voila! My favorite mac & cheese.
It’s like boiling fall
DIRECTIONS:
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INGREDIENTS:
Caramelizing the onions, feeling the flow. These shrunk down to about 1/3 of what you see here when finished
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Blending the sauce!
I make some version of this every week. I love it. The addition of caramelized onions added a warm depth of holiday flavor, but it made the dish a bit too sweet for me. However, just the natural sugars of plain cooked root vegetables, like sweet potatoes and butternut squash, are often too sweet for my tastes. So, if you are a normal person, you’ll probably really like this! You can always make it the regular way first, and then try blending the onions into a portion of it to see if you like it. Either way, it’s a delicious creamy pasta dish. It’s not as blue-box ‘cheesy’ as other recipes, but it’s my favorite. Let me know if you make it!
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Questions for Giveaway points!!
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Nutty Protein-Packed Homemade Granola! So Easy!
How many of you bake during the winter months just to make the house warmer? Here in London, it’s more of a necessity than a quirky activity. They didn’t get the memo on windows here so there’s like a good centimeter of separation between windows and frames. Cold air blows in all the time and you’re like, man alive turn on the oven or something.
But cookies? Those jerks only take 10 minutes or less in the oven. PASS! Cakes? Who am I making cakes for? Muffins are just bread with sugar and I’d rather eat my bread without sugar (and with hummus). Kale chips? Am I the only vegan who prefers kale raw (or any other way) to chippified? What can I make that’s feasible and that takes a long time so I have maximum oven usage? GRANOLA!
But cookies? Those jerks only take 10 minutes or less in the oven. PASS! Cakes? Who am I making cakes for? Muffins are just bread with sugar and I’d rather eat my bread without sugar (and with hummus). Kale chips? Am I the only vegan who prefers kale raw (or any other way) to chippified? What can I make that’s feasible and that takes a long time so I have maximum oven usage? GRANOLA!
Yes, granola is the easiest, best way to run your oven for at least an hour. Also, you actually want to eat the final product. And it’s healthy! This version I made uses nut butters as its main wet ingredient, and it works great as a binder. Add chia seeds, hemp seeds, and protein powder, you’ve got a power-giving snack that’s perfect for any time of day. I liked using unflavored rice protein in this recipe, mostly because it is too pasty to use in my smoothies. Also, I used puffed millet as my cereal. It’s great because the puffs are teeny tiny, almost like puffed quinoa. So just make sure you choose a cereal that’s on the small side. You don’t want huge puffed buckwheat or something that’s going to be significantly bigger than an oat.
Ingredients on the small side plus a superb wet ingredient mix based in nut butter will ensure that you get lots of big crunchy clusters instead of sad granola-flavored crumbs. As with all granola recipes, this is really more of a guide that you can play around with to suit to your preferences. Add chocolate chips! Or cocoa powder! Or use chocolate-hazelnut spread! Or add something non-chocolate. But that seems like a move in the wrong direction.
Ingredients on the small side plus a superb wet ingredient mix based in nut butter will ensure that you get lots of big crunchy clusters instead of sad granola-flavored crumbs. As with all granola recipes, this is really more of a guide that you can play around with to suit to your preferences. Add chocolate chips! Or cocoa powder! Or use chocolate-hazelnut spread! Or add something non-chocolate. But that seems like a move in the wrong direction.
POWER PUNCH GRANOLA
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I love mixing different nut butters with date syrup for the main binder. Date syrup adds a dark, deep flavor that you don’t get when you use regular liquid sweeteners alone. Try half the amount of molasses if you don’t have date syrup.
Ingredients:
Directions:
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Nut butter plus syrups. So pretty 
It’s like an add for superfoods! 
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It’s a veritable thing-with-a-lot-of-clusters-that-I’ve-decided-against-saying-because-I’m-a-lady!
