"A Gentleman's Guide to Love & Murder": Broadway's Most Hilarious and Horrible Hijinks This Seasonby Randi / February 24, 2014
Before I bestow upon you my predictions for this Sunday’s Academy Awards (!!!), we should talk about this year’s crop of great, okay, and otherwise nominated movies. I like to think that everybody in the world has the ability to see every movie out there, but I’ve been told that this is not true. (My goal in life is to fix this problem. I’m coming, Burundi!) So, for those of you who need a refresher course before Laughfrodisiac Christmas (what I call the Oscars), let’s discuss. And please feel free to agree, disagree, or tell me I’m pretty in the comments. In alphabetical order:
12 YEARS A SLAVE
If this movie doesn’t win Best Picture, it will prove that the Oscars don’t mean shit. I mean, since “Crash” won, we knew this, but this will be even more of a shame. “12 Years” is the movie about slavery that Americans have been waiting for. So many have come and gone, but they never fully captured the horror that they needed to. They glossed over torture, or they focused on how nice a few white people were, or they made it seem too psychologically simple. 12 Years, although it does have a white savior (in a minor part), trumps all previous attempts at telling this general story with the new-to-film story of Solomon Northup. A free-born black musician living in the north with his wife and kids, Northup was kidnapped by slave traders and sold into slavery for 12 years. Even though the title tells you that there is an end to his suffering, it’s hard to have hope for him. Chiwetel Ejiofor is even more brilliant as Solomon than he was in “Kinky Boots”, and Benedict Cumberbatch, Paul Dano, and Michael Fassbender are impressively horrifying in different ways as Solomon’s various masters. But the real star to come out of this is Lupita Nyong’o, in her first real role as a young slave who is the unfortunate object of Fassbender’s terrifying master’s obsession. This movie is hard to watch, but it’s necessary.
If this movie doesn’t win Best Picture, it will prove that the Oscars don’t mean shit. I mean, since “Crash” won, we knew this, but this will be even more of a shame. “12 Years” is the movie about slavery that Americans have been waiting for. So many have come and gone, but they never fully captured the horror that they needed to. They glossed over torture, or they focused on how nice a few white people were, or they made it seem too psychologically simple. 12 Years, although it does have a white savior (in a minor part), trumps all previous attempts at telling this general story with the new-to-film story of Solomon Northup. A free-born black musician living in the north with his wife and kids, Northup was kidnapped by slave traders and sold into slavery for 12 years. Even though the title tells you that there is an end to his suffering, it’s hard to have hope for him. Chiwetel Ejiofor is even more brilliant as Solomon than he was in “Kinky Boots”, and Benedict Cumberbatch, Paul Dano, and Michael Fassbender are impressively horrifying in different ways as Solomon’s various masters. But the real star to come out of this is Lupita Nyong’o, in her first real role as a young slave who is the unfortunate object of Fassbender’s terrifying master’s obsession. This movie is hard to watch, but it’s necessary.
American Hustle
This movie, man alive. When I meet others who feel the same way I do, I feel an undeniable kinship and breathe a sigh of relief that not everyone was duped. It seems that this movie has tricked most people like The Emperor’s New Clothes. Seriously, this movie is The Emperor’s New Clothes, except instead of social pressures to conform, everyone is being tricked by great performances into ignoring the subpar writing. Yes, the performances were excellent, especially by the always great Amy Adams. However, the story blows. It builds and builds and promises some great clever payoff, but it just fizzles and dies. It’s perhaps the most disappointing movie of the year for me, yet so many think it’s the greatest of the year! It’s not a terrible movie, but movies that could have been amazing but blow it upset me more than actually terrible movies. It’s like how in “Love & Basketball”, Sanaa Lathan asks her coach why she always yells at her, and the coach says, “You think I’d go hoarse over a player with no potential?” EXACTLY.
The movie is about a couple’s deep commitment to conning good people, and the story focuses on a really immoral con, and they bring down people on the way who are much more decent than they are. I’m always glad when people enjoy movies, even if I dislike them, but don’t let this ‘quirky’ pick win Oscars, please! The thing is, this movie struck me as being so meta: It’s about a con pulled over on good people, yet the movie itself is a con pulled on good people – us. Christian Bale even says in the film repeatedly “We gotta do this from the feet up” (apparently meaning, like, do it well and fully and account for all details), but this movie wasn’t made from the feet up (if that’s even a reasonable thing to say. Seriously they are f-ing with us).
August: Osage County
Tracy Letts’s Pulitzer- and Tony-winning play about a wondrously dysfunctional family was never going to be as magical onscreen, but this adaptation did a pretty great job. With Meryl Streep as the overbearing matriarch of the disintegrating family, the movie keeps your attention and makes you alternately depressed at how messed up this family is and happy that yours isn’t as messed up (there’s just no way). All the actors involved give impressive performances, but while the loudest ones (Meryl Streep, Julia Roberts) are getting well-deserved attention, the subtler ones went sadly unnoticed. Julianne Nicholson quietly provides the heartbreaking center and soul, the only one you might kind of root for, despite some shocking revelations that you just don’t know how to handle. I might feel too kindly about how difficult this must have been to translate to the screen, but I’m pleased with the results. I don’t understand why more people aren’t. If you have the ability to go back in time and see this on Broadway, I highly suggest you do.
Before Midnight
Holy crap, was this depressing. This movie, as its predecessors “Before Sunrise” and “Before Sunset” did, perfectly and honestly displays a modern relationship, with all of its problems and raw emotion. Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy are not even actors when they embody the lovers Jesse and Celine, and their unbelievable authenticity makes their fighting even more heartbreaking. It’s so interesting to watch how disagreements build; we can see how one misunderstanding escalates and becomes a huge rift between the two. The talkiest movie I may have ever seen, “Before Midnight” somehow isn’t weighed down by all the important and telling things being said. I don’t know how they memorized so much dialogue and made it all seem improvised and natural. This is some impressive and depressing shit.
Blue Jasmine
The newest Woody “I’m a terrible human being but I make good movies” Allen flick was the film equivalent of seeing ‘Grey Gardens’ the musical but with less tears. Cate Blanchett deserves to win the Oscar, and last year’s Oscar, and next year’s Oscar, for her role because it was the best acting ever acted since Christine Ebersole’s turn in the aforementioned Gardens musical. As a woman left hopeless and directionless and more than a little mentally screwed up after her Madoff-like husband is imprisoned, Cate talks to people who aren’t there, jumps around time frames in her very clouded brain, and gives decent people terrible advice because she can’t see straight anymore. It’s all quite sad. Andrew Dice Clay is in it, which is a fun fact. More importantly, Bobby Cannavale is in it, and he’s great in everything. (Especially in his role as actor-just-leaving-a-play-on-Broadway-who-gives-me-a-hug-instead-of-calling-the-cops.) As is Sally Hawkins and um Louis CK, who also shows up as the best part about ‘American Hustle’. Dude’s on a roll. But this movie is really Cate’s showcase for how to act mentally damaged but not full-on cray. Cate’s complete vulnerability and lack of ego lets us see her character can still function but damn, you just don’t see a reason to.
The Book Thief
This was a sad movie.
Captain Phillips
Paul Greengrass’s seasick camerawork finally finds a movie set on a boat. Piracy is updated for modern times, but Barkhad Abdi preserves their timeless dental hygiene. No, seriously, this is a great movie, with fantastic acting from Tom Hanks and Abdi, but the premise pisses me off. If we know that pirates roam the high seas and often kill many many people, why can’t captains like Phillips have guns onboard? Seriously give me a good reason. I’m all for taking all of the guns away from Americans (because OBVIOUSLY WE CANNOT HANDLE THEM), but like ships should have as much artillery and weaponry as they can store without sinking. So, in conclusion, I don’t accept the reality of this movie because people making rules are stupid.
Dallas Buyers Club
What starts out as an almost revoltingly vulgar film quickly morphs into a heavy emotional tale, following one man’s efforts to make a difference before he dies. Matthew McConaughey is captivating as a homophobic, racist, rodeo-clowning, drug-doing, casual-sex-having jerk who finds out he’s in the late-stages of HIV/AIDS, and is given 30 days to live. Slowly, he struggles to figure out the truth surrounding mysterious new drugs when facts are concealed by the FDA and the drug companies seeking to turn an enormous profit. Knowing what we now know about the horrendous treatment of AIDS patients in the 1980s and 1990s, and all of the unnecessary bureaucratic concealment that occurred to the detriment of so many sick people, this movie was more powerful than it would have been without historical background. The early years of AIDS were a disgusting embarrassment for this country’s leaders, and this movie shows how hard individuals had to fight for their lives. It’s much better than I would have guessed after the first 10 minutes (bull riding, yeesh). Jared Leto is mesmerizing as a kindhearted transvestite (is there any other kind in movies?) and will deservedly continue his winning streak all the way to the Oscars. I’m so glad he’s back doing stuff. Also, Jennibop Garner is in it. The story isn’t as affecting as, say, “The Normal Heart”, but the performances make it as heartbreaking as the subject matter should be.
Frances Ha
My favorite movie of last year and one of my favorites of all time, Frances Ha just gets my demographic. It’s uncanny. Greta Gerwig is for women several years out of college and a little lost as to what to do with this life what Adam Sandler/now Seth Rogen/sort of Jason Segel is to manchildren. She just gets it. But the portrayal of this stage in life is handled with such class and verve and respect that it doesn’t feel mocking, it just feels authentic. I don’t want to explain this movie because the act of doing so will automatically ruin it a little bit for you, so just go watch it. I know it’s not up for any Oscars, but it’s all over the Independent Spirit Awards, and if it were up to me it would trump “The Highlander” for the Academy Award for Best Movie Ever Made.
Frozen
Disney’s latest animated princess film should and will win the Best Animated Feature Oscar, along with one for Best Song, “Let It Go”. This film is amazing. It’s perfection. It’s the first feminist Disney movie ever made (the people claiming that “Brave” was don’t really know what feminism is.) The songs are catchy and smart, with big booming melodies when appropriate and smaller recitatives throughout. Kristen Bell makes a very impressive animated debut as Princess Anna, the younger sister of a new queen. Her simple, clean, and very lovely voice makes a great counterpart to the unstoppable, soul-shaking belt of her sister, Queen Elsa, voiced by the great Idina Menzel. It’s like almost every single Disney princess was put to shame in her brilliant, powerful, ‘Defying Gravity’-esque solo of “Let It Go”, a superb song by the better-be-soon-to-be EGOT Bobby Lopez. Such beautiful drama was balanced by several funny components, like the always hilarious Josh Gad’s snowman named Olaf. Olaf is one of the best sidekicks ever. He is a snowman who dreams about summer, not really realizing that summer would mean his demise. But it’s adorable. He also provides one of the most heartbreakingly sweet lines in recent memory. He’s joined in adorable-land by Sven, the most loyal reindeer in the world. Screw Rudolph; Sven is where it’s at. Also, I can’t describe how relieved and happy I was when the ending took a more feminist twist instead of the usual male-as-savior ending. This twist (hopefully a permanent change in the canon) improved an already stellar movie experience.
Fruitvale Station
Talk about upsetting. Whereas “12 Years A Slave” shows how disgustingly black Americans were treated a few hundred years ago, “Fruitvale Station” depressingly and heartbreakingly shows how disgustingly blacks are still treated in this country. The true story tells how a young black man named Oscar Grant was killed for absolutely no good reason by a BART police officer in Oakland, California just a few years ago. Yes, BART officers apparently need to be armed. What the hell. Stop giving racists guns! This movie should have been a major player in the awards season, especially considering the even more recent unnecessary killings of so many young black men by scared/racist white men. Jesus STOP KILLING PEOPLE, PEOPLE.
Gravity
When I first saw footage of “Gravity” at CinemaCon 2013, I had to put my head in my lap to stop the overwhelming nausea. I hate space, so watching someone float aimlessly around in space, in 3D no less, in the dark, on a huge screen, was like a stress test administered by Putin after finding out someone on his staff is gay. So, with this terrible first impression, I never wanted to see the movie. I figured it would be just a big budget action film, not a serious awards-contender, so it didn’t matter. But I saw it, and it was spectacular. Looking, at least.
Alfonso Cuaron has broken through a barrier in filmmaking with his portrayal of outer space. “Gravity” is visually stunning, if still a bit stomach-churning (which I guess is a big accomplishment in authenticity). Despite it seriously being about Sandra Bullock lost in space, it never gets boring and it’s well-paced. With George Clooney out early on, it becomes a showcase for Bullock as an individual performer, and she is riveting. It’s too bad this didn’t come out instead of “The Blind Side” the year she won all the awards. Sure, the story is hard to believe, but that shouldn’t take away from the visual marvels and the somewhat moving story of determination, growth, and rebirth. I say somewhat because the story itself is no marvel, but the film is made marvelously. It’s even more interesting when taken in conjunction with the short film “Aningaaq” made by Cuaron’s son Jonas. During a pivotal scene in Gravity, Sandra’s character Ryan finds a functioning radio and reaches an Eskimo in Alaska. They try to converse but they don’t understand each other. It’s heartbreaking that this miraculous opportunity to call for help can’t help her. However, her conversation with the Eskimo turns into a conversation with herself, and she pushes herself to confront difficult thoughts. We see what’s happening on the other end of that call in “Aningaaq”, and it’s pretty upsetting too. The man is alone in the frozen Alaskan wilderness, save for a few animals. He’s just as happy as Ryan is to hear another human voice. This short deepens the loneliness of the story as a whole. On its own, “Gravity” is dire, desperate, and beautifully made, the best movie about being lost in space that almost made me sick but didn’t.
Her
I’m not ashamed to admit that, along with “Saving Mr. Banks”, “Her” was my favorite of all of these awards caliber movies. The only one to look forward, and not back, “Her” tells a new take on the classic love story. Except in looking to the future, it looks to humans’ everchanging and adapting relationship with everchanging technology. Yes, the main character falls in love with his operating system (voiced magnificently by Scarlett Johansson, who should have been nominated for awards), and that seems weird, but the movie so expertly and simply portrays how this could happen that it’s soon not weird at all. Joaquin Phoenix is at his absolute best (and also really should have been nominated) as a mild-mannered, sensitive guy who just wants to love and be loved without any stupid shit weighing it down. Their relationship seems lovely, when you forget that one side is not a person, and when it all goes to shit (as it must when one ‘person’ is a brilliant computer with all the knowledge ever known who realizes how unsustainable a relationship with a mere puny human is) it’s truly heartbreaking. Poor Joaquin. He’s vegan, you know. Also, Olivia Wilde is in it. So many vegans! And while Amy Adams, also in it, is not vegan, she is channeling Cameron Diaz in “Being John Malkovitch”, which just seems vegan. Also ScarJo is a vegetarian. (“Scarry Joooooooo she’s a vegetarian, Jo Scarry Jo, Scarry Jo.” You know that song.)
Inside Llewyn Davis
Two things. First, it’s not Llewellyn, it’s Llewyn, but you really want to say Llewellyn. Second, Adam Driver plays a guy with my same last name. awesome. Ok three things. Third, this movie is the kind where you really appreciate it after you see it and have a chance to read really insightful reviews about it, and how there was all this Greek mythology woven into it and all kinds of folk tales and what not. But you shouldn’t have to do research post-film to deem a movie decent. And appreciation is not the same as recognizing a great movie. This was not a great movie. It had the makings of one, which all the post-film research I did showed me, but all these components were not executed as well as they could have been to make a truly entertaining film.
The movie is about a down-on-his-luck folk singer who makes terrible decisions. Now, usually you want the main character to be someone you care about. But this guy blows. He makes really bad decisions and doesn’t seem that great. The only thing he had going for him was that he looked like Nick from “New Girl”, if Nick were dared to live in a cave for 8 months. So that made it hard to emotionally connect, because you didn’t really care about it. I really liked learning afterwards that the movie is framed just like a folk song. You see a beginning section, then you get the full chorus of the movie, and then the end is the beginning section again but shown a little differently, a little more full-bodied. Just like a folk song! And then there was this cat that Llewellyn lost, and when he called a doorman or something to report that he had the cat (which was his friends’, what a prick), the woman repeated back “Llewyn is the cat” instead of “Llewyn has the cat” and all these critics think that means the cat’s story mirrors the actual guy’s, like this Odyssey through all kinds of shit. But see stuff like that is interesting but does not make the stuff they are playing around with a good movie.
We had a screener of it, and about halfway through, my sister-in-law said to the family, “So…this is terrible, right?” While I wouldn’t go that far…well I might.
Labor Day
I quite enjoyed this little film, before realizing that I was supposed to hate it like all the critics did. Sigh. I think it took place in the 1960s, and it featured Kate Winslet as a sad lonely mother whose little town life is turned upside down when an escaped convict (Josh Brolin, scary and brooding) forces her and her son to hide him from the searching police. Then they fall in love and make a plan to escape all together. Ok it sounds bad, I hear it now. But the acting was nice! You always feel bad for Kate Winslet characters, right? She just pulls you right in! And then there was this scene where Josh taught Kate and son how to make pie and it was like ten minutes long and they’re all kneading and peeling apples and using their hands to toss the filling….Ok I hear it. I get it. Not great movie.
Nebraska
The main plot point of Nebraska was ostensibly taken from every person’s Thanksgiving dinner with an older relative. Bruce Dern, in a much lauded performance of quiet suckiness, gets one of those ‘you won an million dollars!’ sweepstakes pieces of tard in the mail, and believes it. Why wouldn’t you believe it? What does it say about our culture that we are supposed to know that these things are pure lies? Hell just the other day the phone rang and then I heard my mom say ‘Hey I won a cruise to the Bahamas!’ true story. So, this movie puts on black-and-white film this all too familiar story of people who aren’t yet completely cynical bags of meat who actually believe that not everything in life would be a lie and then become sad cynical bags of meat. Which we all are. Obviously the main character is proven wrong, and it’s sad. It successfully made me feel bad for 90% of the world. I think its message was life sucks, everything is depressing. The black and white film really drove the message home. Dammit.
Philomena
I tend to take stories too much to heart, whether they are in film, on television, or on the news, so it’s no surprise that “Philomena” made me sick with anger and frustration. This actually lovely true story tells of Philomena Lee, a Judi-Dench-aged lady searching for her long-lost son after fifty years. Philomena became pregnant as a teenager, was sent to her local Ireland nunnery to hatch, and her beloved son was sold by the bitch nuns to unsuspecting Americans. Through Steve Coogan’s great script, we learn that these bitch ass Irish nuns did this for years and years to thousands of young mothers, making tons of money and ruining thousands of lives, in god’s name apparently. Despite the heavy, exceedingly heartbreaking facts, “Philomena” leaves you feeling light and satisfied instead of bereft, mostly due to Judi Dench’s adorbs smile. Despite giving me agita at several moments, the film is so well made and so well acted that it really is, somehow, pleasant. You don’t get too much of a cathartic release regarding the bitch nuns, but Philomena’s model forgiveness and true-believer attitude suffice.
Saving Mr. Banks
I can’t think of another recent movie where I cried so much, and not just at the end, but all through it. “Saving Mr. Banks” tells the incredibly interesting and touching tale of Walt Disney’s true-life, 20-year struggle to secure the rights to “Mary Poppins” from author P.L. Travers. As Travers, the always amazing Emma Thompson is stern, strict, and understandably none too eager to give away the characters she considers family. Frequent well-blended flashbacks to Travers’s childhood in the Australian outback show us why she does so seriously consider her characters to be her family. In the movie’s present day, Tom Hanks as Disney shows us the behind-the-scenes process of making the beloved classic film. We see the Sherman brothers (the ridiculously brilliantly cast B.J. Novak and Jason Schwartzman) play the classic songs, including “Feed the Birds” and “Let’s Go Fly a Kite” for Disney and Travers for the first time, as the studio team doggedly tries to break Travers’s harsh exterior (and refusal to sell the rights). Paul Giamatti, whom I usually can’t stand, is at his most vulnerable and likable as Travers’s (or just “Mrs.”, as he calls her) Hollywood chauffeur. Their slowly burgeoning friendship is one of the most enjoyable parts of the immensely enjoyable and clever movie. It’ll make you want to watch both “Mary Poppins” and this movie again and again. That it was so totally snubbed from the Oscar nominations shows that the Oscars, much as I enjoy watching and hyping them, mean absolutely nothing. NOTHING! YOU ARE NOTHING!
The Way Way Back
Another of my favorites that was snubbed by the Oscars. As things written by the great Jim Rash and Nat Faxon tend to do, this movie showed an authentic slice of life, with realistic conversations and relationships. In this case, the life shown was of a young teenage boy who is forced to spend a summer at the beach with his mom, her asshole boyfriend, and crazy awful adult friends of theirs who, to put it mildly, do not set good examples. The child here obviously knows better than the adults he’s around. He finds a summer job at a nearby water park, and meets mentor/friend/magical white man character played expertly by Sam Rockwell. Now, I’m not a huge Sam Rockwell fan, of the actual person at least, because he wouldn’t sign my Playbill or talk to anyone after “A Behanding in Spokane” on Broadway. But as an actor, he rocks well. He was so good in this. I wish that every tormented and lonely teenage boy had an older and wiser male friend like him, in the least pervy way possible. The really impressive thing about this movie is, like I said, the conversations. It’s amazing when dialogue comes across as natural and not as written and rewritten a thousand times. Obviously to get to that point, it probably took a thousand rewrites and a lot of hard work, but the result is just natural and amazing. Best movie ever. Except for Frances Ha. Tied.
The Wolf of Wall Street
Three hours of douche porn. Yes, it’s directed by the great Martin Scorsese with hilarious and electric performances by Leo & Jonah Hill, but it’s douche porn. The movie shows the excesses of the stock market and the crazy ways the corrupt billionaires spend their money, or steal others’. To be a more responsible film, it should have done at least a tiny bit to say, hey, you know, this looks fun, but don’t be a corrupt money-grubbing asshole that ruins many lives. But instead it puts forth the idea that greed hasn’t been this good since that term was coined by Liberace in “Wall Street” in 1987. It should have been a cautionary tale, but instead it’s going to inspire lots of douches to go into this kind of work so they too can wipe their tushes with hundred-dollar bills or something equally stupid and shitty.
Thoughts?
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“Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt”: Season 2, Episodes 3 & 4!
Sooo many amazing lines! Let’s jump right in!
The third episode might not have been as solid overall as #2, but oh my goodness was it chockfull of quotable lines! So many video clips to share here! But at times, the episode felt disjointed, full of hilarious jokes but not great story arcs. It was more like ways to shoehorn jokes into one script. But what great jokes!
Jacqueline has ended her search for a fabulous apartment, sort of – she found a sick place but can only afford rent for a few months. She has her $11.5 million painting on the wall and a ludicrously expensive carpet below it, and well that is it for furniture! Well aside from “those Philippe Starck ghost chairs” she points to (empty space, amazing). Hasn’t she ever heard of Ikea? The best is when Kimmy falls on the carpet, gets yelled at by Jacqueline who says how much it cost ($30,000), leading Kimmy to roll long-ways off the carpet while apologizing to it. Although Jacq is in dire straits, she still is paying top dollar for Abattoir, the doggie, to get the best dog massage in Manhattan (courtesy of Broadway’s Derek Klena! This show is the new Law & Order for Broadway performers). “This is Abattoir? I thought you two were sisters!” the masseur says to Jacqueline, like it’s a compliment to look like a dog’s sister.
EPISODE 3: Kimmy Goes to a Play!
The third episode might not have been as solid overall as #2, but oh my goodness was it chockfull of quotable lines! So many video clips to share here! But at times, the episode felt disjointed, full of hilarious jokes but not great story arcs. It was more like ways to shoehorn jokes into one script. But what great jokes!
Jacqueline has ended her search for a fabulous apartment, sort of – she found a sick place but can only afford rent for a few months. She has her $11.5 million painting on the wall and a ludicrously expensive carpet below it, and well that is it for furniture! Well aside from “those Philippe Starck ghost chairs” she points to (empty space, amazing). Hasn’t she ever heard of Ikea? The best is when Kimmy falls on the carpet, gets yelled at by Jacqueline who says how much it cost ($30,000), leading Kimmy to roll long-ways off the carpet while apologizing to it. Although Jacq is in dire straits, she still is paying top dollar for Abattoir, the doggie, to get the best dog massage in Manhattan (courtesy of Broadway’s Derek Klena! This show is the new Law & Order for Broadway performers). “This is Abattoir? I thought you two were sisters!” the masseur says to Jacqueline, like it’s a compliment to look like a dog’s sister.
That’s all very fun and good, but then she goes kind of off the rails trying to nab a rich old man to take over as her Mr. Moneybags. It’s sort of funny when she meets an old acquaintance and compliments him on his surgery that has pulled up his former extra neck skin to be his new face skin with it all tied it a top knot under his hair, ‘the same surgery Trump had!’, but then when she sits on his lap and tries to make out with him, it’s all just too much and too unfunny. I just want Jacqueline to return to being the funny-worst person onscreen and not this sad curry-worst person.
As for Titus, while we can be happy that he found the motivation and energy to write and stage a one-man play, the result is bound to create a crapload of controversy. The silver lining in this probably racially insensitive bit is that there was some actually funny comedy sprinkled amid the storyline, unlike the definitely racially insensitive Native American b.s.
So what was his play? Remember at the beginning of episode 1, which was a peek into the future with various Christmas stockings hanging for names we didn’t know? One of those names was Murasaki, and we learned who that is here: one of Titus’s personas from a past life, that of a Japanese geisha. Yes, Titus’s one-man play was him in…Japanese face, in geisha attire, singing old traditional folk songs and telling his/her story. The writers tried to preempt the controversy this plot would face in real life by having Titus face controversy in the show, by way of an online Asian community that named Titus one of its “Hitlers” for his racism and cultural insensitivity. The group bought all the tickets to his show in order to boo throughout. But then Titus sang and it was beautiful, so beautiful it made the internet Hitlers stop booing him and stop calling him a Hitler. And then one girl got stuck in a social justice cycle of apology and disappeared into thin air – that was so random but kind of funny as a comment on commentary. This whole plotline was pretty ridiculous and allowed for some really funny lines, but…but…I don’t think the meta commentary of including the backlash to his play in the actual show excuses the issues. I’m not the person who can say so definitively, but I’m pretty sure it is still problematic.
But aside from racism! Funnies! AND, a cameo by our favorite nemesis of Titus, Coriolanus (James Monroe Iglehart)!!
I’m not sure what Kimmy was up to this episode besides just being around as a sidepiece. That’s what that means. I loved the very-Kimmy cold open, with her asking Titus heated questions about why the ghosts are haunting poor Pac-Man! I also liked the blink-and-you-miss-it posters on the street for Silverfish Poison, a nice call-back to Episode 1.
As for Titus, while we can be happy that he found the motivation and energy to write and stage a one-man play, the result is bound to create a crapload of controversy. The silver lining in this probably racially insensitive bit is that there was some actually funny comedy sprinkled amid the storyline, unlike the definitely racially insensitive Native American b.s.
So what was his play? Remember at the beginning of episode 1, which was a peek into the future with various Christmas stockings hanging for names we didn’t know? One of those names was Murasaki, and we learned who that is here: one of Titus’s personas from a past life, that of a Japanese geisha. Yes, Titus’s one-man play was him in…Japanese face, in geisha attire, singing old traditional folk songs and telling his/her story. The writers tried to preempt the controversy this plot would face in real life by having Titus face controversy in the show, by way of an online Asian community that named Titus one of its “Hitlers” for his racism and cultural insensitivity. The group bought all the tickets to his show in order to boo throughout. But then Titus sang and it was beautiful, so beautiful it made the internet Hitlers stop booing him and stop calling him a Hitler. And then one girl got stuck in a social justice cycle of apology and disappeared into thin air – that was so random but kind of funny as a comment on commentary. This whole plotline was pretty ridiculous and allowed for some really funny lines, but…but…I don’t think the meta commentary of including the backlash to his play in the actual show excuses the issues. I’m not the person who can say so definitively, but I’m pretty sure it is still problematic.
But aside from racism! Funnies! AND, a cameo by our favorite nemesis of Titus, Coriolanus (James Monroe Iglehart)!!
I’m not sure what Kimmy was up to this episode besides just being around as a sidepiece. That’s what that means. I loved the very-Kimmy cold open, with her asking Titus heated questions about why the ghosts are haunting poor Pac-Man! I also liked the blink-and-you-miss-it posters on the street for Silverfish Poison, a nice call-back to Episode 1.
Carol Kane in half a minute proves how good an actress she is, when she realizes that the graffiti tag she thought was for the gang ‘effe 10 cinco’ was really spelling ‘Fios’, marking where the new Fios cables would run in her sadly gentrifying neighborhood. You can see how crushed she is and like, it’s so out of place and weird for this show but your heart breaks for her because she’s so damn good! She’s not a witch she’s your wife!
“Sesame street was based on this neighborhood because this guy lives in a garbage can, AND, there’s a gigantic furry monster that only I can see.” I love her.
Other lines that had me cackling – this is maybe the longest list you’ll ever see:
Kimmy, in response to Titus’s claiming he was a Japanese woman in a past life and will be portraying her in a one-man show: “Well, if Aisha Tyler can play a white woman on “Friends”, then I guess it’s okay.” BURN at “Friends”! I’m okay with it! deserved!
Our first greatness that can only be captured with video: Amy Sedaris, the great Amy Sedaris, who is sort of the antithesis of the Fred Armisen sitcom rule (she is a guest star in a lot of them, but she’s always welcome), rushing into Jacqueline’s apartment as Jacqueline shouts “No shoes on the rug!” Cue Amy kicking off her shoes with expert timing and skill. Had to pause for you, Mimi Kanasis.
Titus’s show was called “Kimono You Didn’t!” Bahaha! I think they thought of this joke first and then wrote an entire plotline around it.
“No face journeys”
Jacqueline: His name is Douglas, and he’s coasting on looks!
Douglas: YOLO!!!
I also cackled at this interaction with Jacqueline and her wanna-be DJ boytoy:
“No face journeys”
Jacqueline: His name is Douglas, and he’s coasting on looks!
Douglas: YOLO!!!
I also cackled at this interaction with Jacqueline and her wanna-be DJ boytoy:
Jane is back with the best zingers!
Titus: “DJs? Ew! No! Their poor parents.”
AutoCorrect fun times: Kimmy gets a text: “Sorry guys, Jacqueline needs me to get the duck over here.” It’s not the funniest autocorrect joke I saw on TV this week (that honor goes to “Jane the Virgin” for making me absolutely crack up when a tipsy Jane texts Raf “All food here!” Amazing quick joke) but it was improved by Kimmy’s comment “Now I have to figure out where to get one”.
Kimmy, telling Titus she sold out his show: “Guess who’s coming to see it?”
Titus: “Patti LuPone? Patti LaBelle. I’m out of Pattis. Does it have to be a Patti or did I do that?”
And, my favorite of the episode:
Kimmy: “What happened to all your other kimonos?”
Titus’s response, only acceptable in video form:
Titus: “DJs? Ew! No! Their poor parents.”
AutoCorrect fun times: Kimmy gets a text: “Sorry guys, Jacqueline needs me to get the duck over here.” It’s not the funniest autocorrect joke I saw on TV this week (that honor goes to “Jane the Virgin” for making me absolutely crack up when a tipsy Jane texts Raf “All food here!” Amazing quick joke) but it was improved by Kimmy’s comment “Now I have to figure out where to get one”.
Kimmy, telling Titus she sold out his show: “Guess who’s coming to see it?”
Titus: “Patti LuPone? Patti LaBelle. I’m out of Pattis. Does it have to be a Patti or did I do that?”
And, my favorite of the episode:
Kimmy: “What happened to all your other kimonos?”
Titus’s response, only acceptable in video form:
Kimmy’s face & nodding while Titus just crazily yells! It’s all so good! Titus was totally back to his bad self with all these amazing lines. THIS (next) was the best part of the episode too, and one of my favorite parts of the whole series, maybe:
After reading bad online reactions to his portraying a Japanese woman, Titus complained “Why can’t I be Murasaki? I/she AM/was me/her!”
After reading bad online reactions to his portraying a Japanese woman, Titus complained “Why can’t I be Murasaki? I/she AM/was me/her!”
Absolutely brilliant!!!
EPISODE 4: Kimmy Kidnaps Gretchen!
Remember the above recap you just read that had a metric shittonne of quotent quotables? Well, hate to say it, but I think they used up most of their funny lines on that one, leaving a few paltry bits for Episode 4. The good ones were really good, but they were few and far between.
However, there was more heart in this one than any other so far. Titus has agreed to go on a date with incredibly normal construction worker Mikey, who seems like a totally decent, kind, average guy and thus a very odd match for the bigger-than-life personality of Titus. But for a long time, Titus has been shielding his heart from any potential hurt by keeping men at arm’s length and never going on a second date. He plays this off as his being too cool for school/mere mortals, but he admits that most of his exes just never cared enough to come back. Really sad! I don’t want Titus to be sad! I want Mikey to make him happy!
I love loved their first interaction, when Mikey surprised the still-coccooning Titus hours before their date because he was fuh-reaking out with anxious prep questions:
Mikey: “If we go to a gay bar, can I get a beer? And which one of us opens doors for the other? Or are there no doors? Do we not use doors?!?!?!?!”
Titus: “You gotta make like a 30-year-old single girl and settle.”
At first, their dynamic is played from the angle that Mikey is this totally new baby of a gay man, freshly out, which would leave Titus with a lot of responsibility to teach him all the secret handshakes and stuff. I loved when Titus is complaining about how big a job it would be to teach Mikey all the things “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy”-style, but how that show had it so much easier:
Titus: “I’m just one man! They had five guys! And now I want a hamburger!!”
They go on their first date to a hot gay bar/club that won’t let them in because they aren’t hot/cool (is that confusing for ESL people) enough, which leads to the funniest stretch of the episode. First of all, did you notice the name of the club?? It was SCOTUS! Bahahahha amazing. When they dejectedly walked away from the velvet rope, this genius happened:
Titus: “Should we make like Queen Elizabeth and dub this a night?”
DIED.
But instead, Titus and Mikey bonded by talking about movies, especially ‘The Lion King’ and how Timon and Pumbaa had the most beautiful relationship. Titus even allowed himself to break his #1 date rule: he ate in front of him. His issues run deep though, and Lillian found him alone in the morning, deciding to never call Mikey again, despite Lillian’s romantically covering the bed with rose petals – or really, barbecue potato chips. It sounded kind of dumb until we actually see Titus lying in the bed covered in chips! It was so funny when he moved around and the chips flew all about. Ridiculous! Then he and Lillian had another spectacular exchange:
Lillian: “Liar!! I watched the parade of men in and out of your door for ten years!”
Titus: “Well you should thank me – most people pay good money for parades.”
FIRST OF ALL, Carol Kane said Liar!!! Ahh! Thank you writers room! And this Titus line was gold. I loved this whole story line with Titus trying to work out his deep insecurities enough to Mikey a chance. I also loved how the dynamic was flipped by the end of the episode, with Mikey our nice guy being the one who has to agree to take on the burden of helping Titus with his issues, not the other way around. ALSO, Titus at one point said, “I once went to a New Years Eve party dressed as Nathan Lane Bryant; it was moderately well-received.” Best costume hybrid idea since Sandra Dee O’Connor, Dirty Harry Potter, and Tinkerbell Tailor Soldier Spy!
Sadly, while Titus had this great storyline, one that actually might give this show a plot we care about for more than one episode, Kimmy had a not-so-great one: Her old bunker-sister-wife Gretchen has found her way into yet another cult, this one based around cosmetology. Other sestra notified Kimmy about it by emailing an ad for the cosmetology cult’s cruise, leaving NYC the next day. This led to another wonderful rendition of the Bunny & Kitty theme song, thankfully. Kimmy somehow became an evil genius and figured out a smart way to kidnap Gretchen – put “Gretchen check-in” signs near the Crew check-in signs at the docks to lead her out. Worked a treat. But then we had a whole episode of Kimmy trying to help Gretchen figure out what she wants in life instead of just following another cult leader. I don’t care about Gretchen, guys. Like at all, she sucks. Give me a whole episode about the crazy Mexican sestra, that would be AMAZING. But Gretchen is lame sauce, and while her crazy night had a few funnies, it mostly made me feel like I was watching an Italian farce where I just want to stop people from doing dumb things. The end, with her finding her ‘path’ by starting a cult and being the leader instead of being a follower, was um not the greatest. Cults are not good, whether you are being taken advantage of or taking advantage of others. So, um, let’s get back on track next time!
Also? Zero Jane Krakowski in this episode! What is THAT about?! I hope next week Jane is back in top form and Titus & Mikey are happy!
***
Do you need a refresher on Episodes 1 & 2? Find it here!
Present Laughter at the Old Vic: Old Timey Fun, for the Most Part
It’s Theatre Thursday! Today’s show is Present Laughter at the Old Vic, playing until August 10.
Noel Coward is such a goofball, am I right?! In one of his classic plays, Present Laughter, he basically goes autobiographical and has a jolly old time caricaturing his own outsized persona. Representing Coward is the lead character Garry Essendine, a famous actor who has several romantic exploits and several exaggerated breakdowns over the course of the few days we see. More than anything, Present Laughter is a vehicle for a star to have the time of his life as Garry. Recently, Kevin Kline won a Tony for his portrayal, because he was probably perfect as always. The draw of this current Old Vic production is Andrew Scott, hot off his stint as the hot priest on the universally acclaimed Fleabag. The show is worth seeing for his fantastic performance, but the changes to the source material are less than ideal.
While the show starts out strong, with an impeccable, uproariously funny first act, it quickly turns maddening, as all farce and farce-adjacent work tends to do. Andrew’s Garry wakes the show by trying to usher out a flaky one-night-stand named Daphne Stillington (a very funny Kitty Archer; they could have swapped the real and character names for perhaps an improvement) amid the judgmental eyes of his household staff (all three the steady highlights of the show). With this material, Andrew gets to play so much, it’s amazing. He shines so bright, so pitch perfect and hilarious in this first act that it’s almost distasteful. He looks to be having the time of his life, relishing some of Coward’s funniest lines and his ability to turn the regular ones into the funniest lines.
But then, it starts farcing all over the place and it took all my might to not shout at everyone to just communicate better. Okay so in this 1940s play, they were obsessed with marital affairs to get their minds off war. Garry is dealing with an issue in his close-knit ‘family’ of people who work for him: his secretary Monica, his ex-wife Liz who is still pretty much his wife, his manager Morris, his producer Henry. Henry is married to Joanna, who is rumored to be having an affair with Morris. Monica has a serious conversation with Garry about finding out whether this is true about Morris and Joanna, and instead of Garry trying to put a stop to this lest it destroy their little family, Garry goes and shtupps Joanna himself. Bad call Gar! As people find out, things get SHOUTY, like MAN ALIVE SHOUTY, and Garry gets apoplectic a lot, like a LOT a lot, and Morris is like BUT I LOVE JOANNA, and Henry is like BUT SHE’S MY WIFE (and John Mulaney is like THAT’S MY WIFE) and Daphne for some reason comes back to audition for a theatre school?, and Liz is like I’m fine and calm because monayyyyy, and for some reason Garry’s staff KEEPS LETTING some random stranger INTO HIS HOUSE who is very clearly going to murder everyone in the sequel (Luke Thallon was so funny as Roland but OMG) and everyone’s like WHEEEE THIS IS CRAZY and I’m like MY BLOOD PRESSURE.
But in this production, because, I’m guessing, people realized that the whole idea of three rich men fighting over a married woman like she’s property is…kinda gross, they took a note from the recent success of the Company revival and had some fun with gender switches! In theory, I love this idea, because it would have been too outdated and frustrating to watch Joanna get treated simultaneously like a piece of meat and an uncontrollable hoo-er. So, in theory, they made the right call making Joanna now ‘Joe’, a man, married to the producer ‘Helen’, a woman. This change does several things. First, it makes literally everyone in the cast bisexual, which, okay fine, I’ll go along with that (“it’s 2018! More people should be bi! It’s like, get over yourselves!”). But it throws off the dynamic like hella hard, because the casting is not done well. There’s no way the couplings in the show would happen and I just couldn’t buy it. But most of all, worst of all, the actor playing Joe is miscast. Whereas Joanna is a flighty and glamorous young woman who seduces all these men but like is fun, Joe is a too-serious, gloomy, severe mufucka who brings the action to a screeching halt. It makes no sense that Garry would say anything to him when he comes a’knocking other than like “gtfo my house you’re in the wrong show, this is a fun one not an Italian murder mystery where you’re clearly the butler and you clearly did it.” With the wrong actor playing Joe, you’re just like, why.
The changes continue in the same direction the quality of play goes in after that first act. Most of all, I was disappointed in the ending. Through all of Garry’s breakdowns, all his mid-life crises and all his issues he’s clearly dealing with, it’s clear most of all he wants someone to love the real him and cure his loneliness. (Oh another burning question I had several times: why doesn’t this famous actor have a bodyguard or someone who actually sleeps at his house to prevent 100 of the annoying things that happen.) It’s obvious throughout the play that his ex-wife Liz is still this person, and at the end they reconcile. In this version, after Liz announces that she’s coming back to him, and you expect Garry to be like YES PLEASE THANK GOD I NEED YOU, he literally is silent, and walks over to the window while he has a drink, and I truly thought he was going to jump out the window. It was a weird vibe and did not work for me, and definitely not as an ending. It made the original ending of Pippin look like a Mamma Mia!-style dance party.
Regardless, it’s still overall a fun time, and it’s worth seeing Andrew shine in a role that seems tailor-made for him.
INFORMATION
Get ready for big bunches of small purple fruit as said by an Australian because I have me some gripes. First of all, yes the Old Vic is still under hella construction, which you can’t hold against them. But I am so over theatres not giving paper tickets at will call and telling you to just use your phone, and it was an especially bad move here: Given all the construction, the staff have to check your tickets frequently because to get to the temporary toilet area or the bar you have to leave the building entirely (toilets are outside only on one side! Don’t sit upstairs you’ll never get there!). But hi, hello, this is the theatre, where people should be TURNING THEIR PHONES OFF! Everyone stop with the e-tickets please and thank you. Any decent people have shut their phones off.
Secondly, speaking of phones, London theatres in general need to forking quit it with those little white NO PHONES signs that two ushers in dark corners of the theatre hold up like any forking person in the audience notices them. Make a GOTTAM preshow announcement that everyone must shut their phones off and not use them during the show like a GROWN ASS ADULT.
Third, there was a super frustrating technical problem that I’m not even sure the stage managers or lighting people realized: During most of the show, an amber light was reflected out of the mirror by Garry’s bar table, and it was blinding us from looking at the stage. INFURIATING. That’s the kind of technical thing you’d think would have been caught and handled by now. It was the worst in the 20-minute scene right before the interval and for most of Act II (so, just Act I was fine (maybe that’s why it was my favorite, because I was able to watch it without corneal damage)).
Lastly (lol am I ever done), I am sick and tired of plays trying to establish characterization with smoking. Literally, I am sick and tired from it, because it gives me breathing issues. If you can’t establish something without having an actor harm their own health with cigarettes, then you aren’t doing a good job.
Oh I thought of another: I am tired of the Old Vic’s boring af programmes and show art. For the love of god add an image. I’m not going to pay $5 for block letters and weird color schemes.
STAGE DOOR
This is the saddest part for me to recount, because I love(d) Andrew Scott. Who doesn’t adore the Hot Priest? I was excited to see that the stage door (wisely) had a barricade up and a security guard at the ready, telling everyone to line up in single file and that you could either get an autograph from OR a photo with Andrew. So with things progressing like that, with a security guard already taking care of business, with maybe 80 people already lined up?? all of that suggests that Andrew was coming out. Now, I’m the first person to state that actors have no obligation to come to the stage door (hell, they have no business doing it; why on earth would anyone want to greet a crazy mob) and that they should absolutely not face any scrutiny for not doing it. BUT, that’s a different situation from lining up your crowd in single file, making sure they know all your rules, &c…and then making them wait a frankly offensive amount of time. I’d be saying absolutely nothing except ‘good on you’ if he had decided not to stage door. But to make sure his crowd was organized to his requirements and then just not come out for hours is plain rude, showing zero respect for anyone’s time. That security and staff waiting outside (but hidden from our view after a while so they didn’t have to answer any questions) didn’t relay any message was bullshit. We left after about 50 minutes of waiting, but I was told on the socials that Andrew came out at about 11:40 – an hour after we left. That sucks. Just don’t come out if you don’t want to! But to make people wait and wait and not say anything is a weird kind of torture, and it sucks.
