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Why Jack Black Needs to be the Next Tevye in Fiddler on the Roof

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When theatre finally returns, I know we’ll be thrilled to see literally anything (well, within reason), but there are some moves I will need to see made to ensure it comes back better than ever. Broadway and the West End must make a statement by fostering new and diverse talent to create plays with ideas and characters that reflect the modern world. But we’ll also need magnificent, large-scale productions of the classics to guarantee crowds and a financial return. And on that note, the next big production of Fiddler on the Roof must, that’s must, star none other than Jack Black.

This universally beloved comedian, this outrageous rock star, this person I just found out yesterday was Jewish (I know), is always, always the correct answer to the question “What celebrity would you want to have dinner with”, and he’s also the correct answer to the question “Who should star as Tevye in the next Fiddler?” Now that I’ve thought about, I will honestly not accept any other casting.

I know we have Fiddler productions like literally every other season in New York and London, and according to the gorgeous documentary about the gorgeous show, Miracle of Miracles, a production has been occurring somewhere or other every day since its debut in 1964 (well probably until last year but LAST YEAR DOESN’T COUNT, not for this astounding amazing factoid or for my aging process I DID NOT TURN ANYTHING LAST YEAR OKAY). Like I said, the theatre community absolutely has to honor new ideas and talent – and an altogether new, more sustainable way of doing things – in order to foment the next generation of brilliant voices. HOWEVER, we also need to honor the PERFECT GENIUS of this idea and make it happen before it doesn’t. The world needs this. Here are my reasons.

It’s a sure thing financially.

Jack Black will attract a crowd. To tell you the truth, I am skittish about returning to any room with more than 4 people but even in the deepest depths of my anxiety I could not be kept from seeing him in this. Even if I have to sit in a MIDDLE SEAT, I would pay to see him. Also, I have seen approximately…….832 productions of Fiddler, not counting the ones I’ve been in, and if you asked me a week ago, I would have say “listen, it’s one of the all-times, undeniably, but I need a break of like, two seasons.” NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE. I need this production NOW. FIRE THIS SUCKER UP AND THROW IT AT MY FACE.

And, of course, this perspective is universal. Everyone would want to see him in this, because everyone loves him. Jackson has hella fans, from his romcoms, from Tenacious D, from School of Rock, from simply his repeated red-carpet photos where he compares his belly to Angelina Jolie’s pregnant belly. Tell me the name of someone who doesn’t love him and I’ll tell you the name of someone who is somehow thinking of the wrong person. He is the best. I can wholeheartedly say this now, because I was once mistaken about it. When one of the greatest cinematic masterpieces of all time first came out – The Holiday – I remember my idiot teenage self saying to similarly idiotic friends “It’s so unfair that Cameron Diaz gets Jude Law while Kate Winslet gets Jack Black.” I KNOW. I can’t believe I’m admitting this personal failure to realize that Jack Black, especially in The Holiday, especially when he’s in the Blockbuster video store and singing all the forking movie scores???, is the most fun person alive. Top 5 anyway. And a fun person beats a stereotypically hot person anyday, even if that SHP is Mr. Napkinhead.

Anyway all this to say, he’s universally beloved and at least half of the world’s population would want to see him in a musical, and at least half of them would pay for it. So like, a few billion people, BET ON IT.

He can actually sing it.

As some of you anti-antisemites know, it’s currently Passover. I saw this video of Jack singing the Passover song Chad Gadya this week for the first time, thanks to the amazing website Alma (is it called Alma or Hey Alma, or is the Hey just the social media handle? No one will ever know). As soon as he finished the first line, I thought, oh good god it’s TEVYE! TED GET IN HERE, IT’S TEVYE!

Sure, we know he has a successful rock career with Tenacious D, and sure he delivered one of the best movie scenes in history with his “scroodle deedle doodle scroodle deedle doo, scroodle deedle doodle BEAH DA BAH BAH” in that Blockbuster Video, but I never knew that he could sing like this. There is some real vocal control here, a necessary trait for 8 shows a week (okay he would probably take matinees off like all the celebs do but still). And the tone! He is TALENTED. Sure he shouts the end but I bet he could belt it.

Listen to the classic Tevye-esque moves each time he sings the “chad gadya” part and tell me he wouldn’t do a grand service to this score. Listen to those patter segments and LOOK ME IN MY FACE and tell me he wouldn’t elevate “If I Were a Rich Man” to even higher comedic heights. Ugh I cannot live without knowing how he would make the “dabadabadeebaduhbadabadabadeebadum” part his own. All day LONG he’d biddy biddy bum.

I bet your life that he can act it.

Tevye is rightly considered one of the great male parts in musical theatre, but it’s also simultaneously considered a bit of a big, overdone, overstuffed, overacted jest of a role. It should never be that. Truly, Tevye needs to be handled by a great comedian, but with a deft touch, melding his comedy with considerable vulnerability and heartbreak so that his less kind moments are understood and they come across with their necessary sadness. Tevye’s harshness needs to be believable; it can’t be a surprise despite his joviality. Jack Black is a big teddy bear, but he also is a big teddy bear with teeth. Anger from him would be believable. Desperation, cruelty, despite his lovable fluffiness, would all feel authentic. That IS Tevye. Jack could nail the pathos required for this role. It wouldn’t be a joke. He would be incredible.

Listen, antisemitism is rising everywhere, and the people who aren’t perpetrating it don’t think it’s important enough to really fight against like other problematic isms (I’m going to again plug the incredible book Jews Don’t Count by David Baddiel). WE NEED THIS. DO THIS FOR JEWS EVERYWHERE. AND FOR THEATRE LOVERS EVERYWHERE. AND FOR JEWISH THEATRE LOVERS EVERYWHERE. I will not sleep until this production is a go. (Lol that’s not true sleeping is my favorite.)

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