January 19, 2023
The Secret Society of Leading Ladies: A Fun Choose-Your-Own-Adventure Concertby Randi / February 22, 2021
The first five or ten minutes of the new streaming theatrical production “The Picture of Dorian Gray” are great. Captivating, stylized, and intriguing, the beginning switches between Zoom-style interviews of Joanna Lumley’s and Alfred Enoch’s characters as they share what they know about this story to Stephen Fry, investigating. It makes you curious and you want them to say more about whatever this tragic situation was and you’re excited to piece it all together. It’s an excellent start.
And then you meet Dorian (Fionn Whitehead), and it falls flat. The direction (and overall treatment) of him plus overly long scenes, sloooow conversations between him and other characters, and disappointing lack of clarity about the whole selling your soul thing all squander the splashy positivity of the opening and turn a colorful opportunity into an unfortunately drab and sluggish production.
The intent for the modernization of this classic story is decent: Instead of young hot man-about-town-Dorian being young and hot, getting a nice portrait painted of himself, and wishing for the nice portrait to age instead of his physical being, this Dorian gets a social media filter that makes his online appearance always young and beautiful. His friend Basil (Russell Tovey) makes him a special device for his phone that makes him look glowy and stuff online. So far, okay, sounds good.
My main problem (okay one of my three main problems) is that it’s entirely unclear what Basil knows about the cost, what Dorian expects it to be, and, for the love of god, WHY. (And any argument that uses answers from the original text are invalid.) Basil gives it to Dorian on his birthday, and asks Dorian what he would do for this magical* device. He says there’s a cost but never says what it is, and actual physical deterioration is really something you should make clear to the buyer. Dorian says something like “I would sell my soul” but is he aware that that apparently means “I’ll be chill with looking like a decaying corpse in about a week”? It’s unclear whether Basil is aware of this too.
*First main problem subsection b: This device of magical filters…exists. It’s called filters. We can already download and use filters and apps that make you look amazing and shiny without our physical body decaying and bleeding out the ears. Yes, his YouTube channel becomes successful too, but a) it’s unclear whether that was part of the deal or Basil was just assuming that with glowing selfies his friend would become popular online, and b) honestly with the Q Anon-style videos he starts posting (out of literally nowhere, another issue), he’d amass a large following without the device. There’s too much that I don’t buy or don’t understand about this deal that even a few sharper bits of dialogue would fix.
My second main problem: the pacing is horrendous. The Facetimes between Dorian and Sibyl, between Dorian and Harry (especially the epilogue), the birthday scene between Dorian and Basil, they all gooo ooooon fooooreverrrrr without much reason for it. If the show was a good 20 minutes shorter from cutting all the unnecessary pauses and silent stares, it would work better. There are so many editing decisions that went unmade. Like the ‘Social Media Safety’ web series character that Basil invents to try to assuage his guilt: why are we seeing this at all, let alone ENTIRE INTERNET SAFETY LECTURES instead of a few brief clips? (Okay maybe 25 minutes, actually.) And the introduction of Sibyl (Emma McDonald) showing like a dozen of her Instagram videos – we’d get what you were trying to say with like, 3. (So that’s 30 minutes.)
The third issue: Fionn looks like a normal fine-looking person that you can believe exists in real life, not some kind of one-in-a-million movie-star gorgeous where you would drop your jaw and ruin your life if you had the chance. He’s a normal kid. We’re told that this Dorian is so incredibly handsome and so ungodly charming that everyone falls in love with him and yet Dorian gets exactly zero chances to show any of that supposed charm. I mean, literally every. other. character says that they are madly wildly hopelessly in love with him, in some cases so much that they destroy their families. but like, WHY. and like, DON’T. Dorian was never given a chance to display any sort of charm to explain…any of it. When the foundation of the whole show rests on him being super hot and charming and he’s neither, that’s hard to come back from.
Apart from these crucial aspects, there were some nice bits. Alfred and Joanna’s scenes were mostly always entertaining, possibly why they are the most famous ones. I loved how much I hated Alfred’s mustache and how fake his accent sounded even though he’s British. And Joanna is always fun to watch, especially in her travel shows. I really liked the Great Gatsby-esque design for the screen cuts too, and Alfred’s study was amazing (except the carpet didn’t go).
I’m just disappointed that the updated concept failed to capitalize on its promise. It’s a good idea to show how much young people value their online appearance, but – even in a year where you’re not seeing anyone in real life – would you still pay for a better online look with bleeding out the ears? Also, if the message was that ugly thoughts show up on the face (as the end seemed to want to say), why did his face start uglying before the whole conspiracy business, and why did he *start* having these ugly thoughts? So much of the action felt unsupported. Also, I’m heavily confused about the end: Text on the screen explains that authorities found him next to the smashed chip and “recognized what it was”. Wha…what?
One more thing: what the heck is Sphinx?
The Picture of Dorian Gray is available to stream from March 16 – 31, and is co-produced by the Barn Theatre, Lawrence Batley Theatre, New Wolsey Theatre, Oxford Playhouse and Theatr Clwyd.
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Eugenius! in London: Silly Good Fun for a Necessary Break
It’s Theatre Thursday! Today’s show is Eugenius!, which ends its run at London’s The Other Palace on Sunday, October 21.
Amid all this dreariness, both from the weather getting grayer and Britain’s (slash the world’s) prospects looking bleaker, a goofy superhero musical is exactly what the doctor ordered. (Unless your doctor has actually prescribed you medicine, then take that. (Hooray for universal healthcare.)) Leaning heavily on the spoof side of things, Eugenius! is an easy to enjoy ‘80s-set romp of a familiar comic book story – dorky boy sketches out his feelings and desires in fantastical comic form, proves he has talent, is more than just a dork – but with a clever and, yes, ‘eunique’ (their word) take. From creators Chris Wilkins and Ben Adams, this amusing, cheerful musical needs work before its next incarnation, but what’s there now is happy, silly fun.
Amid all this dreariness, both from the weather getting grayer and Britain’s (slash the world’s) prospects looking bleaker, a goofy superhero musical is exactly what the doctor ordered. (Unless your doctor has actually prescribed you medicine, then take that. (Hooray for universal healthcare.)) Leaning heavily on the spoof side of things, Eugenius! is an easy to enjoy ‘80s-set romp of a familiar comic book story – dorky boy sketches out his feelings and desires in fantastical comic form, proves he has talent, is more than just a dork – but with a clever and, yes, ‘eunique’ (their word) take. From creators Chris Wilkins and Ben Adams, this amusing, cheerful musical needs work before its next incarnation, but what’s there now is happy, silly fun.
Eugenius! (must I use the exclamation point every time? I think it’s really the title so yes!) tells of teenage geek (not nerd; nerds like numbers, geeks like gadgets, we’re told (although ‘geeks like superhero stuff’ would have been more appropriate because they never used gadgets but go on)) Eugene, a supposedly nondescript boy living in 1980s Ohio, spending his days trying to hide from your typical high school bullies and getting out his feels by drawing original comics. Eugene (Rob Houchen), pale and skinny (at least he looks it in clothes – kudos to whoever costumed him and hid alla that til the surprise end), reeks of chronic teenage geek. He doesn’t think he’ll ever be good enough but aspires to greatness nonetheless. His friends believe in him though, and when an opportunity to bring his creative work to a big stage presents itself, they make sure Eugene takes his chance.
As friends/sidekicks/featured actors in musicals go, Eugene’s are pretty wonderful. Feris (Daniel Buckley) is a sweaty goofball with only one ‘r’ but with nonstop ‘80s references and an impeccable Yoda impression to match his Sloth one. Janey (Laura Baldwin) is a supportive, sweet girl who loves Eugene but is scared she’s stuck in the friend zone. I loved that they had the cliche story of a friend in love with another friend who is always complaining about being in the friend zone, but switched the typical pattern and made it a girl. It’s much sweeter than way and not gross like all guys complaining about the zone are.
When a Hollywood studio sends minions around America to find the next big thing, and they inexplicably go to high schools and beg students to just say something, Janey and Feris urge Eugene to present his work. The rep loves it and flies Eugene straight to Hollywood. I thought this part was going to be a dream but then the rest of the show is in Hollywood so it’s the kind of show you just roll with, okay. My least favorite part of the show was the intro to Hollywood song dedicated to the big studio executive (really the most annoying part of the show (well, tied for first; you’ll see)) about how you have to kiss his ass to get anywhere. It’s called “A Little Kiss Ass” and it does not work musically. I spent those five minutes wishing that they had paid for the rights to the most amazing Hollywood executive introduction song, Shaiman and Wittman’s one from Smash – “Don’t Say Yes Until I Finish Talking” – and then I sang it in my head instead. And we liked it and we loved it.
As friends/sidekicks/featured actors in musicals go, Eugene’s are pretty wonderful. Feris (Daniel Buckley) is a sweaty goofball with only one ‘r’ but with nonstop ‘80s references and an impeccable Yoda impression to match his Sloth one. Janey (Laura Baldwin) is a supportive, sweet girl who loves Eugene but is scared she’s stuck in the friend zone. I loved that they had the cliche story of a friend in love with another friend who is always complaining about being in the friend zone, but switched the typical pattern and made it a girl. It’s much sweeter than way and not gross like all guys complaining about the zone are.
When a Hollywood studio sends minions around America to find the next big thing, and they inexplicably go to high schools and beg students to just say something, Janey and Feris urge Eugene to present his work. The rep loves it and flies Eugene straight to Hollywood. I thought this part was going to be a dream but then the rest of the show is in Hollywood so it’s the kind of show you just roll with, okay. My least favorite part of the show was the intro to Hollywood song dedicated to the big studio executive (really the most annoying part of the show (well, tied for first; you’ll see)) about how you have to kiss his ass to get anywhere. It’s called “A Little Kiss Ass” and it does not work musically. I spent those five minutes wishing that they had paid for the rights to the most amazing Hollywood executive introduction song, Shaiman and Wittman’s one from Smash – “Don’t Say Yes Until I Finish Talking” – and then I sang it in my head instead. And we liked it and we loved it.
Honestly all future productions should cut this song or pay to use the Smash one. (It’s so damn good.) To have the executive then order that all the girls coming in for casting should be sent directly to his office was clearly supposed to be a topical joke, but it also really horribly does not work at all. If you are going to make jokes about that situation, you need to do better and actually have it be clever, not just exist for its own sake.
So they’re making a big movie about Eugene’s comic book story, which is about a superhero called Tough Man. On a faraway planet called Itsaballoon, the rulers were welcoming a new baby, but it turned out to be two, which was bad luck because a prophecy declared that twins would destroy their planet or something. So they sent the weaker one (determined during a truly hilarious bit), named Hector, out into space with a robot, but this kid would grow up with the sole aim of destroying his luckier twin brother, Tough Man. But Tough Man – ‘tough but fair’ – would make sure that justice always won out. And he would make sure that his sidekick Super Hot Lady (it IS a teenage boy’s work, after all) never touched him because that would weaken him.
But plot twist of all plot twists, as they’re making Eugene’s movie, Evil Lord Hector (Neil McDermott, amazing) hears the dumbest actor ever proclaim that he’s Tough Man on set, and he sets course for the Hollywood studio. Yes, Hector is real, and really looking for his brother. Dun dun dunnnn! I loved this twist (and the others to come!), but the book was messy in act two. The characters never showed any real realization or coming to terms with the fact that Hector was actually real, and it wasn’t clear that they realized Eugene had dreamt up a true story. Also, there is too much unnecessary stuff in the second half, and it drags whenever Hector isn’t around (he really is the best). And while it ended all well and good, I wish they made a bigger show of pointing out why Eugene had been dreaming of this story. Using his dad more effectively would help with Eugene’s arc, especially if clarified whether he was who we now assume he was.
That aforementioned ‘unnecessary stuff’ in act two is also the aforementioned ‘most annoying part of the show’. Feris, the stereotypical loony and kind of gross sidekick, has a love song with the actress cast as Super Hot Lady in the movie, and it’s called ‘The No Pants Dance’, and they need to completely cut the song and everything mentioned about the two of them together. It’s infuriating to have a clever show fall back on THE MOST annoying, tired trope there is – the messy overweight boy catching the eye of a, well, a super hot lady. First of all, he is a HIGH SCHOOL STUDENT, so probably underage so COME ON. Second, Kevin James has already tired out all variations on this theme and we’re all tired of it so everyone from now on please cut it out and stop feeling the need to ‘gift’ a hot woman onto a non-hot boy like he deserves it for being not cool or something. It’s beyond irritating, and it’s actually offensive I think to every kind of person, hot or not.
Other than my two big gripes, it’s a pleasant, amiable show. While there’s no real need to set it in America, I was impressed by all the leads’ solid mid-Western accents. Of course there were some wonky accents. The school bully was doing a full-on New York mobster one, while Eugene’s father was a southerner? It was distracting. And they clearly didn’t have an American go over the book, because everyone kept saying ‘whilst’ instead of ‘while’ and using plural verbs for mass nouns (ugh). Just let me go over all books, guys. But anyway, I love that it’s set in the ‘80s, and they really make it clear with the great lighting and the music. Some of the music was very catchy, but I am concerned that several songs are direct copies of famous ‘80s power ballads. Janey and Eugene’s 11 o’clock number was hundo p Celine’s “Where Does My Heart Beat Now”, while the big Act I ender used the exact instrumentals of “King of Wishful Thinking”. It’s unclear if this was accidental infringement from trying to achieve classic ‘80s sounds, or if these were purposeful ‘homages’. Whichever it is, they need to be clearer about it, because with the line so blurry I’d be worried about people getting the wrong idea (*cough* like lawyers who used to do IP *cough*).
The best numbers go to Janey and Eugene, as they should. Both actors are perfectly cast, and while I wish their nerd personalities, voices, and overall affects were more pronounced so that their transformations stood out more drastically, they were great. I was ready to complain about Janey’s too-sincere Act One ballad not fitting with the mood of the work, but then it turned into a hilarious and perfect ‘80s power ballad, complete with wind machine treatment. Nailing the right tone of the piece with a move like that helps this show succeed, and fixing all the parts where the tone is off would make it amazing.
Hmm, I feel like I’ve complained a lot, but you know what I (and Coach from ‘Love and Basketball’) say. With a few fixes, I think this show could be really great, and it should be a staple in high schools and colleges. As it is, it’s tons of fun and I’m so happy I saw it. They are using that small stage so well, and having something so fresh and exciting in London theatre is a treat.
So they’re making a big movie about Eugene’s comic book story, which is about a superhero called Tough Man. On a faraway planet called Itsaballoon, the rulers were welcoming a new baby, but it turned out to be two, which was bad luck because a prophecy declared that twins would destroy their planet or something. So they sent the weaker one (determined during a truly hilarious bit), named Hector, out into space with a robot, but this kid would grow up with the sole aim of destroying his luckier twin brother, Tough Man. But Tough Man – ‘tough but fair’ – would make sure that justice always won out. And he would make sure that his sidekick Super Hot Lady (it IS a teenage boy’s work, after all) never touched him because that would weaken him.
But plot twist of all plot twists, as they’re making Eugene’s movie, Evil Lord Hector (Neil McDermott, amazing) hears the dumbest actor ever proclaim that he’s Tough Man on set, and he sets course for the Hollywood studio. Yes, Hector is real, and really looking for his brother. Dun dun dunnnn! I loved this twist (and the others to come!), but the book was messy in act two. The characters never showed any real realization or coming to terms with the fact that Hector was actually real, and it wasn’t clear that they realized Eugene had dreamt up a true story. Also, there is too much unnecessary stuff in the second half, and it drags whenever Hector isn’t around (he really is the best). And while it ended all well and good, I wish they made a bigger show of pointing out why Eugene had been dreaming of this story. Using his dad more effectively would help with Eugene’s arc, especially if clarified whether he was who we now assume he was.
That aforementioned ‘unnecessary stuff’ in act two is also the aforementioned ‘most annoying part of the show’. Feris, the stereotypical loony and kind of gross sidekick, has a love song with the actress cast as Super Hot Lady in the movie, and it’s called ‘The No Pants Dance’, and they need to completely cut the song and everything mentioned about the two of them together. It’s infuriating to have a clever show fall back on THE MOST annoying, tired trope there is – the messy overweight boy catching the eye of a, well, a super hot lady. First of all, he is a HIGH SCHOOL STUDENT, so probably underage so COME ON. Second, Kevin James has already tired out all variations on this theme and we’re all tired of it so everyone from now on please cut it out and stop feeling the need to ‘gift’ a hot woman onto a non-hot boy like he deserves it for being not cool or something. It’s beyond irritating, and it’s actually offensive I think to every kind of person, hot or not.
Other than my two big gripes, it’s a pleasant, amiable show. While there’s no real need to set it in America, I was impressed by all the leads’ solid mid-Western accents. Of course there were some wonky accents. The school bully was doing a full-on New York mobster one, while Eugene’s father was a southerner? It was distracting. And they clearly didn’t have an American go over the book, because everyone kept saying ‘whilst’ instead of ‘while’ and using plural verbs for mass nouns (ugh). Just let me go over all books, guys. But anyway, I love that it’s set in the ‘80s, and they really make it clear with the great lighting and the music. Some of the music was very catchy, but I am concerned that several songs are direct copies of famous ‘80s power ballads. Janey and Eugene’s 11 o’clock number was hundo p Celine’s “Where Does My Heart Beat Now”, while the big Act I ender used the exact instrumentals of “King of Wishful Thinking”. It’s unclear if this was accidental infringement from trying to achieve classic ‘80s sounds, or if these were purposeful ‘homages’. Whichever it is, they need to be clearer about it, because with the line so blurry I’d be worried about people getting the wrong idea (*cough* like lawyers who used to do IP *cough*).
The best numbers go to Janey and Eugene, as they should. Both actors are perfectly cast, and while I wish their nerd personalities, voices, and overall affects were more pronounced so that their transformations stood out more drastically, they were great. I was ready to complain about Janey’s too-sincere Act One ballad not fitting with the mood of the work, but then it turned into a hilarious and perfect ‘80s power ballad, complete with wind machine treatment. Nailing the right tone of the piece with a move like that helps this show succeed, and fixing all the parts where the tone is off would make it amazing.
Hmm, I feel like I’ve complained a lot, but you know what I (and Coach from ‘Love and Basketball’) say. With a few fixes, I think this show could be really great, and it should be a staple in high schools and colleges. As it is, it’s tons of fun and I’m so happy I saw it. They are using that small stage so well, and having something so fresh and exciting in London theatre is a treat.
INFORMATION
Eugenius! closes at The Other Palace on Sunday, so if you are in London go quick. It was supposed to transfer to the West End, but they just announced that that fell through due to an investor pulling out (so it won’t get preeeeeegnannnnnnnnnnnnt). I hope they get another chance to hit the West End in the future – maybe after taking the above suggestions into account.
Edinburgh Fringe Part 1: The Scottish Plays: “Burn”, “Land”, “The Last Return”
Woot I’m back from my weekend at the Edinburgh Fringe! We saw 9 shows these past few days (that is…exhausting! especially considering they all went at least 15 minutes long! we had to run across town a lot!) so I’m gonna talk about 3 at a time. First up, the Scottish Plays: Alan Cumming’s ode to Rabbie Burns; a promising but early-stages new musical ostensibly about Land but so far not; and the weirdest f-ing non-Beckett Beckett I’ve ever seen. Okay that last one isn’t Scottish per se but the leading accent was, so I’m going with it.
“Burn” by Alan Cumming and Steven Hoggett
If Scotland does an American-style president and VP combo when it goes independent, the first administration should be President Nicola Sturgeon and VP Alan Cumming. And at the inauguration Alan can be like “I saved every letter you wrote meee”. No but this g-d national treasure is giving his all yet again on the stage, as he always does, this time as the other Scottish national treasure Robert Burns (Rabbie). Burns is celebrated in Scotland for his poetry about haggis and women and Scotland, and in the rest of the world for writing Auld Lang Syne (it’s Scots and it means roughly ‘for old times’ sake’, Sally!).
“Burn” is an hour-long two-hander (just Alan) (he has two hands) using all the words of Burns to tell his life story (ish), with some funky modern dance and bold lighting that sometimes worked. The production boasts some truly great stagecraft, including a feather quill writing by itself and one of my favorite trustfalls I’ve ever seen in a theatre, so well done to Alan and the unseen cast member catching him in the darkened upstage. LOVES IT!
The visuals and Alan’s recitations were wonderful, but I felt unsatisfied in terms of actual substance about Burns. I felt I didn’t learn about his character, what kind of person he was. And maybe we don’t know and that’s unfair to have expected! But I did find myself wondering, throughout the changing tones, ‘wait so was he a good witch or a bad witch?’ I would have liked a personality-driven narrative, but regardless, it was a swell time, even with the weird modern dance that usually I’d be reacting to the same way I do modern art. But with Alan’s giving his trademark 110%, it’s hard not to enjoy the swift hour. Also, he’s pretty much giving a stump speech for Scottish independence, complete with the biggest Scottish flag you’ve ever seen, worn as a cape, obvs.
INFORMATION: After leaving the Edinburgh Fringe, Alan is taking “Burn” on a wee tour of Scotland. I saw it this past weekend in Perth, at the Perth Theatre. Best seat for getting to the toilet: House Right aisle, first few rows (the exit door is at the bottom of that side). They are in Inverness next week, pretty!
“LAND”, by Bethany Tennick, Fraser Scott, and Iona Ramsay
Full disclosure, when I saw there was a new musical at the Fringe from one of the two INCREDIBLE girls behind “Islander”, I legit yelped. “Islander” was one of the greatest pieces of art I’ve ever seen, no exag. I thought, if this new show is half as good, I’m in for a treat. And I’m so glad I saw it because it has some moments of beauty, but it does need a lot of work.
Land, a ‘Scottish folk musical’ as it was billed, is meant to explore our relationship with the earth, death, and generational difference, asking us to reexamine our connection to the planet and climate. With that kind of description, going in I naturally had this notion that it would be sort of climate change-y, about the ‘land’ as in the planet. But although it may have intended to touch on that metaphorically, I wouldn’t have known the show had anything to do with it if they hadn’t said in the materials. Essentially, it was about an older man and a younger man, in two different storylines. The storylines got confused easily and often, and more than a few theatregoers leaving the venue afterwards were expressing their frustration at how unclear the two plotlines were. (I eavesdrop!) The show “seeks to explore our heritage and legacy”, but really, all it was was the relationships between these two pairs of men. Those relationships gave rise to some beautiful, raw human moments, for sure, and that’s nothing to sneeze at. In fact, some were truly lovely and honest, and moving. But those were brilliant moments in terms of human connection, not anything deeper in terms of culture and, well, the land to speak of.
The music was pleasant, and some moments of brilliance shone through, proving the potential of this show. But the story needs to be cleaned up first, and then magnified and deepened to provide that sense of connection to the metaphorical themes that they are going for. As it stands, it’s not really about the land, or the planet, or the climate, but it has lovely moments between the two men, whichever two characters they may have been. And all three performers are giving great performances. It’s definitely worth seeing, but I am extremely eager to see its next iteration, which I’m hopeful will happen, and will improve upon what’s there now.
INFORMATION: Land is playing in a small EXTREMELY HOT room in the Gilded Balloon Patter Hoose venue, in the Dram room (suh kyut). There’s no air flow! Toilets are all the way in the basement.
“The Last Return”, by Sonya Kelly
When I tell you I had agita during and then after this show FOR HOURS. HOO BOY. Imagine the most frustrating episode of “Curb”, multiply that cringe by a factor of 10, and then imagine you’re sitting on one of those ‘productivity’ toilets that tilt forward and make your legs painfully cramp after 5 minutes. That’s this show. It’s not bad, I’m not saying it was bad, because it was interesting and provocative, I think?, but I am saying that it caused me health problems.
‘The Last Return’ takes place in the foyer of a theatre venue, on the last night of the run of the Oppenheimer, the most important lauded must-see production in this unknown city. People are queuing for last-minute returns, as it’s obviously sold out. An old man, a professor of Oppenheimer actually, is first in line, so if any ticket holders decide not to come out in the rain, he’s sure to get a seat. OR SO YOU’D THINK. An insane Scottish version of Will Ferrell as Janet Reno mixed with Dana Carvey’s Church Lady comes in next and stirs some shit up, aghast that the old man apparently told #2 in line, a young girl, that it was okay to leave her backpack to mark her place in the queue and then enjoy her time off in the cafe. I mean rightly so — when in a queue situation like this it’s okay to ask someone to watch your spot if you have to pee but not to fuck off for an hour in a cafe. As Scottish Will-Dana-Church lady says, the whole point of committing to this queueing is to give up your freedom to do anything else with your time.
So at this point, I’m pretty agitated, and I have VERY strong thoughts, mostly because I’m thinking back on all the horrid times I’ve had waiting for rush tickets on Broadway, especially when the Ticket Lady onstage keeps telling the queuers that she’s ‘only the ticket seller and has nothing to do with organizing the returns queue’ etc. I’m reminded in particular of the worst experience I had with rushing for ‘Something Rotten’, when this awfully rotten girl, the only person to arrive before me, said ‘I’m holding a spot for a friend, is that okay?’ and I said sure because I heard there were always at least 10 rush tickets, and even if this bee word and her friend each got two, I’d still be fine, and also I wrongly assumed that the friend just popped out to get food or pee or something. And then an hour and 50 minutes later, when our line was super long and it was just about 10am, time for the box office to open, this bitch’s ‘friend’ showed up, except it was FIVE FUCKING FRIENDS. I was like, excuse me, ABSOLUTELY NOT, you can’t let five people in front of all of us, and this bee had the audacity to say ‘but I told you I was saving a spot!’ YEAH FOR ONE. I hope she is having a horrible life.
As you can see, I had lots of strong opinions about the queueing policies happening onstage given my history as well as my strong judgmental nature and my never-failing sense of what is right and what is wrong in a given situation.
But then, shit gets weird and I stopped being able to see myself in the characters, because it starts to out-Beckett Beckett and go full-out nonsense surrealism that you’re like, what? huh? nervous laughter? but WHY! An American soldier PARACHUTES into the line, a police helicopter starts shooting, a refugee woman lies about not understanding English and cheats her way to the front of the queue and, infuriatingly, wins? people start getting shot and killed and poisoned and the ticket lady does not GIVE. A. SHIT.
It is…a very strange play. And LISTEN, all these problems and all the problems I’ve had on Broadway could be solved with a deli-counter-style number machine CAN EVERYONE JUST DO THAT? LITERALLY LIVES WOULD BE SAVED.
Apparently, the creators meant for this show to be a commentary on refugee experiences, but aside from some harrowing facts the refugee character shares about her trials, I don’t understand what they were trying to say, because she comes out not…looking…great. Like I would believe that they were anti-refugee Tory scum writing this, the way she’s depicted, which I am absolutely sure was not the intention. So, I don’t know what they were trying to say, and I know they owe me some edibles, and I know it would have been 100% better if the Scottish Church Lady and the refugee lady killed each other leaving the ticket to be claimed by the girl who fucked off to the cafe the whole time and avoided all the chaos, because that would have been some perfect nihilistic comedy, but instead they tried to do something emotional (is that what they were doing) that was entirely unearned after all this nonsense, and I’m not sure how I feel about this show, but I know it needs to be 15 minutes shorter and they need to pass the dutchie around afterwards, jfc.
INFORMATION: The show is playing in the Traverse 1 room of the Traverse Theatre, which is one of the nicer venues with some actual semblance of air flow, good toilets, and water pitchers on the bar. Like all Fringe shows, seating is first come, first served, with most holding good aisle seats by the exit as ‘reserved’ but actually for last-minute comers, which is just unfair! Why should lates and last minutes get those sweet sweet right-by-the-exit seats? Le sigh! Also this was the most expensive ticket of our Fringe weekend, which I guess makes sense if you are paying by weight of absolute nonsensory.
