Amelie the Musical Never Captures the Right Tone (or Tunes)by Randi / December 10, 2019come with meeee and you’ll beeeee in a wooooorld of chocolate shops and bridges
HOT DAMN Bruges is adorabullllll. I finally went to this charming lil baby city in Belgium recently and I gotta say, just based on the human-to-chocolate-shop ratio alone, it’s one of my favorite places. The scenery is pretty great too, and other people would rave about the beer, the food (though not the vegan food – you must do research and know where to go), the beer, the quaint old-timey vibe, the beer, and the delightful ease of a visit. I am mostly enamored of the chocolate. OH and the cone-shaped fruit candy too. See I have more than one interest. At this time of year, the Christmas markets are all over Belgium, and while Bruges’s didn’t have anything of particular interest for me, it was still a pretty sight, not that the town needed any help in that department.
We were supposed to go to Bruges this past summer for the bank holiday weekend, but we had to reschedule because of TINGS, I tell ya, TINGS. Honestly, it was fine that we had one less day to spend. I’m not saying more time wouldn’t be nice here, but having all of Saturday, one night, and then Sunday morning was plenty for seeing the highlights and getting a feel for the town. Also it was suuupes crowded. I think it’s always full of tourists, but now that it’s Christmas-market season, it’s packed. (Doesn’t detract from its loveliness! You got nowhere to go!) We’re usually go-go-go travelers, so I think it worked out that we had less time since this is the opposite of a go-go-go place.
Our first stop once we arrived was, naturally, THE BLOOD OF CHRIST CHURCH. This place is seriously called Procession of the Holy Blood, because apparently the blood of Christ is in a vial and you walk by it one by one with a guard watching. Considering all the vials of blood I’ve seen, this one definitely ranks high and isn’t going to come back telling me I have another auto-immune disorder, so.
There’s actually a line-guard to make sure everyone stays in line orderly and like doesn’t make a fuss, don’t make a fuss, and then there’s a lady standing with the vial at the top of the altar/stage and you say ‘hi’ and ‘thanks I guess’ to her as you look at the ancient glass vial. Since you cannot take photos of the blood of Christ (it’s like a vampire it can’t have its essence captured), I’ll splain: it is a very ancient glass vial covered with gems and crusted over with…well I guess with the holy spirit?
It’s 2.50 euro for the museum inside the blood church, but it’s free to see the blood vial in the church. Not sure what’s in the museum part, probably like information on where the blood came from and all that lore which you will not get from me.
(the song is called “Charming”)
After we saw the blood of Christ, we went to see him as a lil baby with his mama at the Church of Our Lady, or the Onze-Lieve-Vrouwekerk if you nasty. This church/museum houses the famous Michelangelo sculpture Madonna of Bruges, which depicts the Virgin Mary and her magical baby. It’s a lovely sculpture, but the whole alcove it stands in is currently under construction. Thankfully, the museum knew that visitors were coming just for that so there is a hole in the scaffolding so you can still see it.
I’m not sharing a great picture (we do have some of them) because GREAT ART can only be APPRECIATED in PERSON ask Bette Midler
The best thing is the information on the wall for this piece. It begins “Contrary to the habits early in the sixteenth century, Our Lady does not look tender and sweet here, but rather glum and sad. She thinks deeply and expresses the fear that her large and naked child will soon run away.” LARGE AND NAKED CHILD. I sent this to Rob Delaney obviously, the king of large and naked children.
So that’s the main thing in the Onke museum, but there are other treats that make it worth the ticket price (which I just checked and it was only 4 euro so go nuts). Across from the sculpture, there’s a painting that made us go ‘huh, that looks like a Caravaggio’ (and by ‘us’ I mean ‘husbo’ because I am just like ‘oh art’) and it WAS! And also was not. Facts: This painting, The Disciples at Emmaus, was long attributed to Caravaggio because, as husbo can attest to, it looks like his work. However, experts now believe it’s the work of Hendrik Ter Brugghen in the style of Caravaggio; he liked to copy him. Fun fact we learned, Caravaggio’s first name was Michelangelo too! He must have been pissed!
(Oh dear, upon further investigation it looks like Caravaggio was not his last name but the town he grew up in??? and it’s a ‘da Caravaggio’ situation like ‘da Vinci’ which ISN’T LEONARDO’S LAST NAME it means FROM VINCI and oh my god I really really hope Michelangelo Merisi is okay with everyone referring to him by the name of his town ahhhh.) (Okay upon even further investigation it appears Caravaggio was a murderer? so call him what you want.)
Here’s a scenery interlude for making it through the museum bits.
As you can see, taking little boat rides around the canals is a Big Thing, though no one sings (however, they do use an intense microphone setup that we could hear in our hotel room; luckily they stop tours at night). I decided not to join in the fun though, because I guess I hate fun. No I think I had good reasons: a) it was cold to be stuck in a boat b) I get seasick (okay man it’s not ‘the sea’ but you never know) and c) the best pictures are of the boats on the canals, not from the boats.
How about a quick look at the Christmas market? Just a quick one because it was pretty meh for me. In the main square, there were the familiar wooden stalls of European winter markets with the familiar wares: fried meats and fish and fries, alcohol, more non-vegan food, touristy gifts that put “Bruges” on magnets and towels and shirts and ornaments &c., and more alcohol. It was pretty-ish, but overrun with drunk men who had no idea whose space they were intruding into so we peaced rather quickly.
I mean I’m not going to share pictures of meat stalls (which was all the food, except for the cheese) and bar stalls so there’s really nothing left except woollen socks and ornamenti. The belfry looks great though; maybe we should climb that later.
Here’s the best thing we saw:
No not you lady, I don’t even know you
Before, between, and after the sights we visited, we bought chocolate. We bought a lot of chocolate, and sadly, even though it has been like a week, I’m out. My favorite shop was La Belgique Gourmande, because the staff was helpful AND they didn’t even have to be – their bowls of various chocolates were really well marked with all allergens!!! Eeee! I love a good labeling system!
The funniest thing was that, by our second day in Belgium, we learned that this is pretty much the most popular chain of chocolate shoppes in the whole damn country and we were treating it like a tiny little artisan find, HILARIOUS. Who cares, I love that they have more of these in Brussels (next post) than Starbucks in NYC. We shopped at three of them.
Below you can see the best chocolate they make that I should have gotten 100 pieces of instead of 100 grams. It’s like Ferrero Rocher with an amazing hazelnut butter filling but there’s no dairy! You can see on the tag their allergen legend, which shows that this contains nuts and soy, and NOO DAIRY! woot! I love them for this guidance! I love labels. Except for people, obvs.
We also bought some-but-not-enough of the famous Belgian fruit candy called cuberdons, which is like little cone-shaped pate de fruits and they are really good! They are also accidentally vegan so go nuts! Although I’d avoid the cherry because it tasted like medicine. We learned that these famous candies are only really found in Belgium because they don’t last long enough to export; the quality would suffer and people would be like ‘these aren’t so great’ instead of like ‘moar pleeeease.’
Alright, time for another sightseeing adventure before we get to the food. On Sunday morning, before we left Bruges for Brussels, we planned to climb the belfry in the main square. It’s one of the city’s most prominent landmarks, and is heavily responsible for the historic centre of Bruges attaining UNESCO world heritage status. The bell tower was built in 1240 but rebuilt after a fire in 1280…which is still super super old. There were several fires over the years, including one that wiped out the spire that was never rebuilt, so the tower today is shorter than it once was.
Here it is at night, GORGE.
And here in the daytime:
Unfortunately, the day we climbed it – the only slot we had available – was foggy mcfoggerton senior. Visibility was like, maybe three inches in front of you. Once you got a foot off the ground NOPE couldn’t see shite. Even the ticket man was like ‘are you sure you want to climb today…’ and we were like ‘no but we have no choice.’ We had to climb the thing, because we climb things (except ice mountains) so it had to be during the fog.
Kind of hilarious! It reminded us of our INCREDIBLE (as in cannot believe it) experience in Huangshan, when we climbed all day up a mountain in China and saw literally nothing. We had fun though; we do like climbing towers, and it’s good exercise (more on that below) (I mean sort of, like 2 words).
Alright, y’all bitches made it. It’s time for the vegan food. So, the food in Belgium is not surprisingly not the greatest for vegans, unless you like living on frites (that means fries), which I do not, because – hot take alert – fries aren’t that great. The HappyCow app is indispensable for Bruges, alerting us to the vegetarian restaurants or at least the veg-friendly ones. We only had two meals in Bruges but we had experiences (run-ins) with a few restaurants.
First, I took advice from HappyCow reviews and went to Brasserie Forestiere restaurant for lunch, a slightly upscale (meaning, expensive (as all of Bruges is) and doesn’t do tap water oof) cafe that promised to know what vegan meant and in fact has a tofu wrap on the menu. It was fine, they definitely do and that’s definitely true, but it was mostly soy sauce and a lot bell peppers, which I don’t like, so if I knew better I would have chosen the falafel place ‘t Brugs Pitahuis (I get the pitahouse part and I guess I can accept Brugs but I do NOT get the ‘t business (I understand that it’s their abbreviation for the word for ‘the’ but still it’s difficult for me)). But then again, I do get falafel all the time since I live next to a Pilpel (best falafel in London alert) so I’m not mad. I’m especially not mad because the pile of peppers came with a side salad AND a scoop of avocado/guacamole (best not to ask), and you know how much I love a surprise salad. And salad in general. Why do I love salad so much? Hot tip: mix the whole avo scoop into the wrap and everything is better.
Anyway, it was decent and incredibly filling, but a wrap it was not. A wrap has LITERALLY one requirement:
And this clearly failed that. I wouldn’t call this cornucopia of onions and peppers spilling out of an open shell a wrap. Of course I did try to pick it up and eat it as intended, which was forking hilarious (it did not work).
If you’re into that sort of thing, you’ll pass the Frites Museum on the walk back from Forestiere to the main square. Yes, it’s an entire museum dedicated to fries. No, we did not go but knock yourself out.
For our one dinner in town, we were eager to try the all-vegetarian restaurant Des Plaats. However, the guy who greeted us was kind of a dick. Fun fact that we did not know: You cannot eat dinner in Bruges without a reservation. And I don’t just mean at this little dick boy’s restaurant; I mean everywhere. We were turned away from several places that were ‘fully booked’ even though they were absolutely empty at the time. Bruges just WILL NOT FEED YOU without a reservation, which okay, I understand, it’s crowded, but we didn’t know. Except instead of just saying ‘no, we’re fully booked sorry’, the Des Plaats bellend was like supes rude, unnecessarily. Fork his boring plaats anyway.
Luckily, one restaurant remained to check out, one I’m not sure why we didn’t go to first since it’s entirely vegan: de Brugsche Tafel, a small family-run restaurant that has a small but solid menu and two adorable kids helping their parents out. I wanted to hug them I was so happy they agreed to feed us. It was great, too, and we were happy to support a family.
We read a lot of good reviews about the ramen, but they had two specials that sounded good: the mushroom palak with basmati rice, and vegetables in vindaloo sauce, so both Indian-esque dishes. To fit super well with that theme, we got bruschetta to start (I’m funny). The bruschetta was on regular sliced bread, which is funny, but toasted, so it all worked out. It was one the garlickiest foods I’ve ever eaten and I FORKING LOVED it. Husbo, who is less garlic-oriented, said it was almost too garlicky, but I, a person with eye-tal blood who has garlic coming through her pores at most times, do not think so.
The mains were great; I think the mushroom palak is the winner but overall everything was, as the Brits say about food which I just do not understand but I guess I have to now, ‘nice.’ A weird thing we both noticed was that they didn’t use any beans, tofu, seitan, &c. Usually we see this lack of protein sources at restaurants that aren’t vegan, especially if they’re trying fancy tasting menus, but not at all vegan places, so that was quite odd.
The best part about de Brugsche Tafel (aside from the hospitality, the ability to feed us without buying into the Bruges Booking Malarkey, the family-helping jawn, and the fact that every once in a while we’d see the tiny little girl child climb CLIMB up onto chairs to remove empty dishes from other tables and it was hilarious and adorable) is that THEY HAVE VEGAN BELGIAN WAFFLES.
Baby’s first vegan Belgian waffle! Granted it’s my first time being back in Belgium since being vegan but still, wowee! I remember when I was first in Brussels, I guess 15 years ago, and I had a street waffle with maybe speculoos? and it was great obvs but this was EXCELLENT. The waffle part was so amazing it didn’t even need the chocolate sauce (but I wanted it). They are 4 euro and this little carton was the to-go container but whatever I ate it as soon as we got outside and it was magical.
As for our lodging, that was a bit of a predicament. Very, very few hotels in Bruges will let you book for just one night. The place we were going to stay in in August was going to be for two nights, so they wouldn’t let us change it to one. (Well, then they said ‘for you, we will make an exception!’ and offered a one-night rate…at the price of two nights. Cool guys.) Luckily, we found the adorable restaurant and inn Hotel Duc de Bourgogne. It’s right on the canal, super quaint and old-fashioned and perfect for the broogie vibe. The old-fashionedness means there weren’t enough outlets, and I wish each room could control its own heating, but there were no real problems on those fronts. The staff was super nice and accommodating.
The hotel/restaurant is the white building on this canal. One of those windows was ours!
Aside from the loveliness and the chocolate, the best part about Bruges is the dog-human ratio. EVERYONE WHO LIVES THERE HAS A DOG. We saw so many adorbsy puppos my head almost sploded. I took lots of pics (more in my instagram stories, Bruges highlight) but here are my best friends I made:
Ok bye babies!
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A Train Journey to Beat Them All: Ulan-Ude to Ulaan Baatar, Mongolia
July 8-9
Dear little laptop diary,
Dear little laptop diary,
I didn’t think I’d need to write to you on this train. It was supposed to be barely 9 hours, just a get on-go-to-sleep-get off-in-Mongolia one, as we left Ulan-Ude. But Real Russia, the company that booked most of our Russian train tickets (we didn’t want to risk missing our preferred dates and routes if we did it ourselves) made a mistake with our agenda, and told us our train was at 8:47pm tonight, when it was really at 3:47pm today. (Someone I bet added five hours to get Moscow time (which all trains in the country run on) instead of subtracting. Idiots.) So instead of getting another day to explore Ulan-Ude as we wanted, we rushed around to check out, see a final museum, and walk in the heat to the train station. It was a soul-crushing walk for me, as I have more weight in my pack than ever (stupid good vegan nonperishable food finds I keep finding and buying and then needing to pack!). Well that part was just spine and neck crushing. The soul-crushing part is how nervous I am about the Mongolia border crossing. It can take well over 4 hours, with the train stopped and bathrooms locked. I can’t go for more than 2, and I can’t do anything about it especially in a room with two strangers, so I’m just dehydrated and super g-d nervous. I told myself that as soon as we got on the train, it would be okay, I would sit, and use the bathroom, and make my bed, and relax and read as I learned from our previous trains.
Well.
Tiny laptop, this is a Chinese-run train. They alternate who does this route, the Russian trains or the Chinese trains. Remember my previous posts about how rough the Russian trains were? Like I said about the minibus on Olkhon, I think the universe is messing with me, because those were luxury compared to this Chinese one. It’s been an hour and a half and I’ve cried three times. The attendants are men, whereas the Russian ones were all women. The Russian women were nice, whereas the Chinese men are surly, smoking IN THE carriages and hallways, and don’t speak a word of English or Russian, just Chinese. The toilets are similar, except worse – no toilet paper, no paper towels, no soap. Thank god we packed an emergency roll of toilet paper; we just never thought we would need it on the sleeper train. The attendants keep locking the bathroom closest to them, which is closest to us, I think just for their own personal use – it’s not an official locking time or anything because they keep telling me just to use the one at the other end. There are two bathrooms per carriage for approximately 40-50 people. You cannot keep one for your own usage. I could cut a bitch for that. On the Russian trains, the bed sheets came in plastic wrap with a small hand towel included. Here, the sheets were just handed to us loose, dirty and grimy, and there’s no towel. No toilet paper, no soap, no towel, no bathroom access, and it’s five hours longer than I was prepared for. This really sucks. The Russian ones, I was in the moment when I wrote those diatribes, kind of going overboard considering they were all in all pretty nice (well, the rooms, not the toilets). But this is all disgusting. And we are going to be traveling by train in China for 5 weeks after Mongolia, so there is a lot of this to come. I am so upset that we didn’t have one more nice Russian train! I can’t believe I’m saying that!
Shoutout to my friend Sarah for gifting me a packet of toilet seat covers. Thank the Kiwi god for you.
The two men – yup, it’s two men again – in our cabin are a mixed bag. One is a Chilean man about our age, and when we arrived he was laying on my bed. Oh no no no, dear. He had a lot of stuff on his, I guess. But he ended up being very friendly, and he speaks English well and is nice. The other man is German, and he said he was a vegetarian so I was really excited. However, he is one of those. The weird ones. He seems to really be only a raw foodist. He has a hand-cranked food processor on the table full of nuts, a lemon and bananas on his little wire shelf, and his entire suitcase is full of various supplies, all food-related. He just said he was preparing his breakfast, for which he hand-cranked wheat into a flour (I think, he said it was wheat) (this is a different hand-cranked machine than the nut processor) and added some seeds and probably goji berries, I was trying not to stare. I mean it all sounds great to me, right, but then I asked if he makes a porridge of it with the samovar water and he said ‘no I don’t cook it, that would make it unhealthy.” boy bye.
He smells bad too, as total hippies usually do.
I can’t get over how the train attendant men are so mean and just smoking in the carriage. It’s so smoky. I can’t really convey to you just how smoky it is. I wish I could say my eyes were tearing from it but it’s the opposite; they are so dry they hurt in my head. Like I can feel them being super dry in my head. It’s weird and awful. And my lungsss mannnnn. I’m just breathing in cigarette smoke with mean Chinese men and feeling like crap. I think this is just a breaking point after weeks of travel, longer than I ever have traveled. Am I going to be completely miserable all through China? I’m so nervous now. I was so excited about China and now I’m just sad. This really sucks. It sucks not being able to communicate with the attendants. I didn’t think of learning Chinese phrases yet – we’re not even in China! We’re going from Russia to Mongolia! How on EARTH could these attendants have gone all through Russia “caring” for passengers (this train began in MOSCOW) without speaking something besides Mandarin! I think they are lying about not understanding any Russian. They have to! Ughhhh. All the signage is in Chinese characters too. It’s so frustrating. And my belly hurts. I had a pear and some crackers for dinner, which was not smart because now I’m super thirsty and I can’t drink water because the border crossing is coming up soon and who knows how long I’ll have to hold my pee. Z is in the restaurant car which actually has a few decent looking dishes (vegetable soup with no sour cream?? what a find!) but I can’t eat it because again, I can’t pee for 4 hours at least. I can hear some of you saying “just don’t drink so much water” but I have barely had water today and I barely had any on the minibuses from hell but I still had to pee AND I have debilitating headaches if I don’t drink a lot of water. (And before you say um that’s not normal, I know, and I’ve been exhaustively studied by endocrinologists, and it’s just how my body is, no disease or anything. I just have to deal with it, which is hard on this Chinese crap machine.
Please tell me I’ll at least be able to find vegan dumplings in China. If I’m spending five weeks traveling in disgusting paperless toilets and I can’t even have vegan dumplings I will cry. Again.
So tiny laptop friend, my only friend on this godforsaken cigarette factory. We just made it through the Russian exit border and the Mongolian entry border. It took about 3 hours, I think. I’m trying not to look at the clock because then my body will be like hey girl why haven’t I peed five times in that amount of time? The Mongolian border agent looked through my passport twice as long as she did the others in our cabin, which was worrisome, but maybe she was just trying to show her female dominance to me in front of three males of the species. Before the Russian border agents got to our cabin, I RAN off the train and RAN to the station and peed super fast and then RAN back outside to make sure the train was still there, I was so scared of missing it that I was hyperventilating. As soon as I got outside and saw tons of fellow passengers standing on the platform I breathed a sigh of relief and also regret that I didn’t pee more. [ed. note 10 days later: I know this is a lot of oversharing about my bodily functions but guess what, you ain’t seen nothing yet. #diarrheainthemongoliancountryside]
Anyway, I made it, hungry and thirsty but we’re now officially in Mongolia. We finished at the border at about 12:30am and we land in Ulaan Baatar (even though there are so many a’s, I’m tempted to add more) at 6:30am. So it would be okay to get five hours of sleep or so before a big day of sightseeing but it’s so freezing cold, all of a sudden after it was boiling hot most of the evening, that I am actually using the disgusting wool blankets the train provides and I’m sure have not been washed in a good 4 years. Can’t wait to get to the hostel and wash this gross train experience off. But we’re at that point in our travel where even DURING a good shower I still feel dirty, and as soon as I get out of the shower I’m officially gross again. Fun times!
As crazy as all of this is, the craziest part is that the scenery on this route was the most beautiful yet. We didn’t expect that at all! It definitely helped to have something so nice to look at when I was standing by the open hallway windows trying to get fresh air. I hope China is nothing like this train, but we still have all of Mongolia to go through before we find out!
Eating Vegan in Warsaw, Poland: Pierogi Paradise and More
I have a theory, and it’s not about people who live in Lake Erie, although I have been listening to the cast recording of “Bandstand” a lot lately. (I have to throw some bones to the theatre readers when it’s not Thursday.) I think the most vegan-friendly cities are places that are extra-trying to show how progressive they’ve become since their not-so-great pasts, whether consciously or not. In Europe at least, the places that were hit hardest during World War II, whether literally by being destroyed or politically by falling prey to fascism, have been incredibly vegan-friendly in my experience. When I’ve been in Berlin, for example, with its endless vegan signs and tattooed yoots and overall sense of freethinking and tolerance, it seems like the people are on a particularly passionate mission to prove that they’re no longer Nazis, and with that sort of progressive thinking comes veganism! I got the same vibe when I was in Warsaw, Poland, which was decimated by the Nazis during the war as we learned last week. Warsaw’s rebuilding after the war came with sort of a rebirth similar to Berlin’s, and I was delighted to find that it is a bona fide vegan paradise.
We didn’t have too much time planned in Warsaw, because this was intended to simply be a quick stop off the train on our return journey from our months in Asia. However, as we left Kyiv, I finally looked into my food options in Warsaw. I had NO idea. My HappyCow app was blowing up and every place I found, I added to my list. We had time for maybe three meals and I had a list pushing 50! Luckily, we made fantastic choices and had some of the best meals ever. With all of its vegan options, Warsaw is at the top of my list for must-return-to cities, because there’s so much incredible-sounding food I didn’t get to try. Of course, I’d have to make return visits to my favorite two restaurants, which we’ll talk about below, so I’ll need a lot of eatin’ time on my next visit, or a bigger tumnus.
The counter at Organic Coffee Stare Miasto. They get right to the point with that name
Before we talk about those meals, I have to say how, with all the many options in the Old Town, vegan food is usually convenient. On the morning when we were meeting our walking tour, we had only a few minutes to find breakfast (it was early! it was probably not that early), and the closest coffee shop was a HappyCow entry called Organic Coffee Stare Miasto! They had a green smoothie for me! They also had a few vegan baked goods, like cookies (which we tried – twas decent!) and cakes. They had a very interesting sounding porridge kind of thing that I don’t remember too much about except that I would have had it if we had more time (I am not a cookie for breakfast person!) but anyway, it’s a great thing to know about since you can literally see Sigismund’s Column from inside. The smoothie was fine; it would have been better blended with ice but hey it was a green smoothie while traveling.
Okay, onto the stars of the show, the talk of the town. During the short break in between our day of INTENSE walking tours, we found ourselves close to a few lunch options: one of the burger chains Mango Vegan Street Food, or Veg Deli. The former is a popular, casual joint with burgers and fries that I’m sure are all great, but I am weird and enjoy healthier or at least healthier-seeming food more. And I needed vegetables!
Veg Deli gave off a sort of Scandinavian vibe, with its modern, simple, and clean interior and its slightly upscale menu. The options all sounded great, so true to form we over ordered, getting two starters and two entrees. First up was my choice, as it always has and always will be when they’re on a menu: salad rolls. Or summer rolls. Whatever you wanna call them; it’s veggies in rice paper rolls. I love them, which is weird because I usually hate everything with that gummy consistency. (Don’t you EVER double up on the wrapper to make it more durable, future restaurants. I’d rather the wrap break and everything pinata out then deal with mochi-like gumminess GAG.)
Red cabbage summer rolls
These were filled with red cabbage, mint, basil, coriander (that’s cilantro for non-Europeans), and avocado. So many herbs! So many good things. The sauce was, I wanna say peanut, which seems weird but hey I love peanut sauce.
Our second starter was the Mexican soup, with black beans and corn and so that makes anything Mexican. Very good!
SOUP GOOD
For our mains, I of course ordered the closest thing to a salad – this mess of greens and avocado with balls of some sort. Hehe balls. They were like cake-y bean-y beancakes or whatever and it was great. They went a little heavy-handed on the dressing, and that tomato is too big I mean look at it I am NOT going to eat that, but otherwise I loved this. My perfect kind of dish – greens, avocado, beany thing.
delicious ball salad
But Z always orders best, because while I get distracted by GREENS and SALADS he always zeroes in on the best thing on the menu, like these fried giant oyster mushrooms. Oyster mushrooms are THE SHIT(ake), and this dish was hella ethics as my man Pillboi would say. That white creamy sauce for dipping was PHUH NOM. I don’t know how they made it but it was not tofu or cashew, just thick fatty white cream gunk I don’t know it was delicious. And it came with fried spinach so it was well-rounded.
mushroom manna
That amazing lunch set us up nicely for the rest of our day walking all over tarnation learning about how horrible humanity can be. But if you can believe it, it wasn’t even the best meal I had in Warsaw. It’s not too far off from the lead, but I guess I’m a sucker for pierogies because I’d give the edge to the vegan town favorite Vege Miasto. I think miasto means city so it’s an appropriate name for what I took away about Warsaw, that and Nazis being so bad.
Vege Miasto’s claim to fame is that it’s doing traditional Polish food, but all vegan. Well it also has non-Polish food like wok-fried vegetable stirfy (wat) and spaghetti with pesto (huh) but stick to the Polish food since it’s such a treat to get it veganized. As we learned when I ate in Beijing by myself that time, I am obsessed with dumplings of all sorts, and that’s what pierogi are really, so in honor of the sequel coming out soon and starring CHER, (what), sing it with me “MAMMA MIA (2)! HERE WE GO AGAIN!”
anyone else’s first thought ‘OOH! DUMPLINGS!’ in the voice of John Mulaney’s former coworker when she says ducklings no okay
So Vege Miasto is FORKING AMAZEBALLS. Again, true to form guys, do you expect anything else from us, we ordered wayyy too much, so much that most of the non-dumpling dishes came back to the hostel with us (and did not get stolen! praise the yoots!). We got two of the five pierogi options (one is a sweet pierogi, like blueberries and tofu! so weird!), which can come pan-fried or boiled. I think we did one fried, one boiled. I prefer boiled. If I recall correctly (I probably don’t), we got spinach & tofu pierogi and cabbage & mushroom ones. All sooo good. The best part was that both enormous dishes of pierogi came with little salads! It’s like they saw me coming and were happy about it! Omg this was sooo much pierogi and I want it now! Is there anywhere like this in London? I guess I have to make them, and I do make very good pierogi (ask Z!) but it takes time.
HEY PIEROGI HO PIEROGI HEY HEY HO PIEROGI HEY HO PIEROGI THE FAMOUS TROIKA DRIVER
For our mains (lololololol), it was a hard choice but we went with super traditional Polish options of Buckwheat Crepes and the Cudak. The Buckwheat Crepes, oh man, these were CHOCK FULL of veggies which are my favorite kinds of pancake type things, AND it had a little baby salad in the middle too! THIS IS MY DREAM RESTAURANT! EVERYTHING COMES WITH SALAD! I’M NOT SHOUTING! The mini buckwheat crepes (BLIN) were topped with a tomato-based stew of chickpeas, kale, spinach, mushrooms, and then also pumpkin seeds and herbs and sprouts and it was hearty and earthy (anything with buckwheat is automatically earthy I guess) and delicious. I wasn’t a huge fan of the orange-y sauce that was also on top but everyting else about it was great. It’s extraordinarily filling too, especially after you have eaten dozens of pierogi, so we had that show that everyone tells us to watch. (Leftovers.)
BLIN!
Lastly, we got the Cudaki, because supes traditional. Talk about filling – these were halved potatoes stuffed with tofu, nuts, white cheese, spinach, tempeh and like 100 kinds of creamy sauces. Hot damn this was deeeelicious. Creamy potato things are delicious! And I adore tempeh, even just plain, so this bacon-y version of tempeh was a treat and worked so well in the dish. We ate like one potato. Damn it was good. And it came with a pickly salad, with marinated zucchini, carrots, pickles, and fennel. Such a smart salad for this super heavy dish.
I must add that Vege Miasto has a very impressive Main Salad section, and left to my own devices I probably would have ordered one and been happy but would have missed out on this traditional food! Thank goodness we made sure I wasn’t led to the dark side. Stuffed to the absolute gills, we nevertheless had to order dessert. I mean, LOOK at this dessert set up! Luckily they were able to pack up a few pieces of cake so we could eat them later without exploding, and since we were already taking home bags of food a few pieces of cake thrown in on top wouldn’t be a problem. We decided on the chocolate cake and the Bounty-inspired cake (Bounty is a famous coconut-chocolate candy bar). Here I made a fun little slideshow for you.
The Bounty cake was the best. Cake is good. I’ve been watching a few episodes of Susan Blackwell’s Broadway interview series, “Side by Side with Susan Blackwell”, and at one point she asks everyone the same five questions, including ‘Cake or Pie?’ and everyone always says Pie and she gets SO UPSET and screams NO ALWAYS CAKE! and I think we could really be friends.
At the train station the next day, I was excited to see this huge Juice Factory outpost in the center of the terminal. I got a Cleansing Green elixir – kale, avocado, parsley, kiwi. It says vegan on their sign! I don’t think they are all vegan but it’s nice to see.
So if you are planning a trip to Warsaw, a) bring me pierogi and b) get ready to eat so much delicious food! I’ll share a few places that were on my list but we didn’t have time for.
- Vege Bistro: more pierogi and traditional Polish food, veganized!
- Mango Vegan Street Food: the popular burger chain I turned my nose up at earlier but I do want to try it!
- Falafel Bejrut: falafel chain with locations around the city. There’s lots of other falafel outlets too, as it should be in every city.
- Hocio Vegan Hot Dog Truck: self-explanatory. I don’t even like hot dogs but I’d eat a vegan one from a food truck in Warsaw just to be like whaaaat fuck you Jurgen Stroop!
- Keboom: vegan kebab shop with three locations! What is life
- Krowarzywa: vegan burger joint with three locations! Again I ask you!
- Leonardo Verde: a vegan Italian place with lots of good reviews and pizzaaaa!
So that was my Warsaw visit, and I am now sooo hungry and sooo without anything resembling pierogi. Le sigh. I can’t wait to go back. I really loved this city and not just because of the food. I hope you want to go now!
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In case you missed it: WARSAW CITY GUIDE
