The Minutes on Broadway: You Wish Your Local Council Was This Bonkerballs (you really don’t)
It’s Theatre Thursday! We’re still doing those when we remember!
Okay yes The Minutes, Tracy Letts’ latest Broadway play, has recently closed, and I was just too busy to write about it in time for you to read the review and still be able to go ‘oh I want to see this, I will go to Telecharge.com right now and be able to magically use that shithole of a website from 1991 and actually successfully checkout before the show closes and/or I die from frustration.’ Sorry, but hey, what a weird show! If it was still open, I would have recommended checking it out but not paying too much.
The Minutes is a real-time-plus-flashback-also-in-real-time local council meeting (omg I’m forgetting what they are called in USA, what’s happened to me…borough meeting? it’s a small baby government of people who think they have a lot of power and honestly have more than they should) where the new guy is trying to play catch-up with WTAF is going on with this group. Noah Reid – Patrick from Schitt’s Creek – is beyond perfectly cast as the earnest newbie who you can tell makes dad jokes and is friendly, committed to doing his job well, and eager to correct people’s grammar (‘sometimes it’s who!!’).
Right from the start, you get a bad feeling about the council head Tracy Letts, who is just as incredible an actor as he is a writer. Even without the ominous thunderstorm, you’d know from his first scene where he’s kibbutzing politely over the refreshments with the new guy not to trust him, and when he asks the new guy what his baby daughter’s name is, you get the urge to yell “don’t tell him!!” It’s so subtle but he conveys that sinister sense that things aren’t what they seem.
Noah’s commitment to doing his job means not letting Tracy (we are screwing character names) and the rest of the council skirt past the whole ‘incident’ that happened the week before, the one that drove a fellow member to not show up tonight. Someone mentions it in passing, and Noah’s like ‘well what happened last week, remember, this is my first meeting?’ and everyone’s like ‘FORGET IT LA LA LA WE DIDN’T SAY ANYTHING’. So Noah has Jessie Mueller (NOT SINGING AT ALL) read the minutes (drink!) of the meeting from the week before, which is his right. She reads them and when it gets to the key part, apparently there’s a transcript she made that’s attached as an appendix. Guys, there’s a whole lot of talk about the technicalities of minutes and appendices and transcripts that the Tony-winner likes to do just for completeness sake, and it sounds like it would be a long sigh of a boring mess, but it’s actually gripping. You’re like YES READ THE F-ING TRANSCRIPT, THE APPENDIX IS PART OF THE MINUTES, OF COURSE IT’S PART OF IT!
What comes to light about the conflict the week before focuses on the man who isn’t at the present meeting, the council member with the conscience. Turns out he wanted the council to officially recognize the town’s terrible racist history, the truth that everyone ignores, that’s the opposite of what’s in the popular founding mythology and the town song. The real story is, as we guessed, full of slaughter of the Native population. All of this sounds very believable and without a doubt is the same story for many American towns. But taking this play’s treatment of this subject beyond the recognizable and into the symbolic is the strength of the connection this town, and this council, has to their fake history. Their unwillingness to give up their fake history is treated more like a necessity, a powerful all-encompassing metaphorical spirit that goes beyond what you’d expect in real life, but reflects the strength these false histories have over us. People like this cling to them when letting go would mean also losing a sense of balance in the world, the world they/we created where we benefit from the lies.
So they WILL NOT let them go! The play ends super weird, like war paint and hooting weird, and it’s a little unbelievable that Noah would fold so easily, but maybe I’m projecting. And sure it’s not (hopefully) representative of what happens at your average council meeting, but the sentiment at play is pretty much what’s going on in every town in America. We love a Tracy Letts joint to make us feel bad about the world!
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Why Jack Black Needs to be the Next Tevye in Fiddler on the Roof
When theatre finally returns, I know we’ll be thrilled to see literally anything (well, within reason), but there are some moves I will need to see made to ensure it comes back better than ever. Broadway and the West End must make a statement by fostering new and diverse talent to create plays with ideas and characters that reflect the modern world. But we’ll also need magnificent, large-scale productions of the classics to guarantee crowds and a financial return. And on that note, the next big production of Fiddler on the Roof must, that’s must, star none other than Jack Black.
This universally beloved comedian, this outrageous rock star, this person I just found out yesterday was Jewish (I know), is always, always the correct answer to the question “What celebrity would you want to have dinner with”, and he’s also the correct answer to the question “Who should star as Tevye in the next Fiddler?” Now that I’ve thought about, I will honestly not accept any other casting.
I know we have Fiddler productions like literally every other season in New York and London, and according to the gorgeous documentary about the gorgeous show, Miracle of Miracles, a production has been occurring somewhere or other every day since its debut in 1964 (well probably until last year but LAST YEAR DOESN’T COUNT, not for this astounding amazing factoid or for my aging process I DID NOT TURN ANYTHING LAST YEAR OKAY). Like I said, the theatre community absolutely has to honor new ideas and talent – and an altogether new, more sustainable way of doing things – in order to foment the next generation of brilliant voices. HOWEVER, we also need to honor the PERFECT GENIUS of this idea and make it happen before it doesn’t. The world needs this. Here are my reasons.
It’s a sure thing financially.
Jack Black will attract a crowd. To tell you the truth, I am skittish about returning to any room with more than 4 people but even in the deepest depths of my anxiety I could not be kept from seeing him in this. Even if I have to sit in a MIDDLE SEAT, I would pay to see him. Also, I have seen approximately…….832 productions of Fiddler, not counting the ones I’ve been in, and if you asked me a week ago, I would have say “listen, it’s one of the all-times, undeniably, but I need a break of like, two seasons.” NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE. I need this production NOW. FIRE THIS SUCKER UP AND THROW IT AT MY FACE.
And, of course, this perspective is universal. Everyone would want to see him in this, because everyone loves him. Jackson has hella fans, from his romcoms, from Tenacious D, from School of Rock, from simply his repeated red-carpet photos where he compares his belly to Angelina Jolie’s pregnant belly. Tell me the name of someone who doesn’t love him and I’ll tell you the name of someone who is somehow thinking of the wrong person. He is the best. I can wholeheartedly say this now, because I was once mistaken about it. When one of the greatest cinematic masterpieces of all time first came out – The Holiday – I remember my idiot teenage self saying to similarly idiotic friends “It’s so unfair that Cameron Diaz gets Jude Law while Kate Winslet gets Jack Black.” I KNOW. I can’t believe I’m admitting this personal failure to realize that Jack Black, especially in The Holiday, especially when he’s in the Blockbuster video store and singing all the forking movie scores???, is the most fun person alive. Top 5 anyway. And a fun person beats a stereotypically hot person anyday, even if that SHP is Mr. Napkinhead.
Anyway all this to say, he’s universally beloved and at least half of the world’s population would want to see him in a musical, and at least half of them would pay for it. So like, a few billion people, BET ON IT.
He can actually sing it.
As some of you anti-antisemites know, it’s currently Passover. I saw this video of Jack singing the Passover song Chad Gadya this week for the first time, thanks to the amazing website Alma (is it called Alma or Hey Alma, or is the Hey just the social media handle? No one will ever know). As soon as he finished the first line, I thought, oh good god it’s TEVYE! TED GET IN HERE, IT’S TEVYE!
Sure, we know he has a successful rock career with Tenacious D, and sure he delivered one of the best movie scenes in history with his “scroodle deedle doodle scroodle deedle doo, scroodle deedle doodle BEAH DA BAH BAH” in that Blockbuster Video, but I never knew that he could sing like this. There is some real vocal control here, a necessary trait for 8 shows a week (okay he would probably take matinees off like all the celebs do but still). And the tone! He is TALENTED. Sure he shouts the end but I bet he could belt it.
Listen to the classic Tevye-esque moves each time he sings the “chad gadya” part and tell me he wouldn’t do a grand service to this score. Listen to those patter segments and LOOK ME IN MY FACE and tell me he wouldn’t elevate “If I Were a Rich Man” to even higher comedic heights. Ugh I cannot live without knowing how he would make the “dabadabadeebaduhbadabadabadeebadum” part his own. All day LONG he’d biddy biddy bum.
I bet your life that he can act it.
Tevye is rightly considered one of the great male parts in musical theatre, but it’s also simultaneously considered a bit of a big, overdone, overstuffed, overacted jest of a role. It should never be that. Truly, Tevye needs to be handled by a great comedian, but with a deft touch, melding his comedy with considerable vulnerability and heartbreak so that his less kind moments are understood and they come across with their necessary sadness. Tevye’s harshness needs to be believable; it can’t be a surprise despite his joviality. Jack Black is a big teddy bear, but he also is a big teddy bear with teeth. Anger from him would be believable. Desperation, cruelty, despite his lovable fluffiness, would all feel authentic. That IS Tevye. Jack could nail the pathos required for this role. It wouldn’t be a joke. He would be incredible.
Listen, antisemitism is rising everywhere, and the people who aren’t perpetrating it don’t think it’s important enough to really fight against like other problematic isms (I’m going to again plug the incredible book Jews Don’t Count by David Baddiel). WE NEED THIS. DO THIS FOR JEWS EVERYWHERE. AND FOR THEATRE LOVERS EVERYWHERE. AND FOR JEWISH THEATRE LOVERS EVERYWHERE. I will not sleep until this production is a go. (Lol that’s not true sleeping is my favorite.)
Golden Globes 2019: The Annual Shitshow is Back So Let’s Make Some More Shit Up
The truest golden years were when Amy Poehler and Tina Fey hosted, providing funnier comedy in their 10-minute opening monologues than any of the Best Comedy movie nominations had – mostly because the movies in the best comedy category are never actually comedies. (HELLOOO I mean ‘The Martian’? ‘Ladybird’? Forking ‘GET OUT’???? HFPA YOU F-ING CRAZY? Oh, right, yes.) I have reservations about tonight’s hosts, Andy Samberg and Sandra Oh, because they clearly were chosen after every famous person’s name was put on little slips of paper and then into a hat and then also inside the hat was a drunk rabbit (it was a magician’s hat) and he ate the pieces of paper and then threw it all back up and they chose the names on the first two slips that came back, that’s the only way this pairing makes sense. I mean ostensibly it’s because they were charming when they presented at the Emmys back in September but taking that great little presenting performance and thinking it will translate to great success as hosts of an entire show is what got us ‘Get Him to the Greek’ after people loved Russell Brand’s (incredible) small performance in ‘Forgetting Sarah Marshall’. I also can’t help but think that, even though I do love Andy, it’s like no one in charge would be okay with having a woman of color on that stage without a safe white man to keep viewers from throwing their TVs out the window. The powers that be are like ‘don’t be mad that we’re showing you a lady in charge, or a non-white! There’s a white man, see, everything’s okay!’ I wish them well though, and maybe we can get Tina and Amy back for the Oscars if the heads over there are ever able to look past f-ing Kevin Hart. Like why do they think he is the only option??
So, to recap, no one takes the Globes seriously, but it’s still fun to watch. And none of the celebrities take it seriously either but some of them (especially/only the newcomers) will still cry when they win because, well, winning rocks, like why I care that my team wins Quizzo every week even though the prize is money to the very same bar where the quiz occurs and I don’t drink so like, I don’t actually get anything out of it but I still get to say I FORKING WON, you know, and so the Globes is that, just like that. Anyway it’s really hard to see everything in time since I’m in London so we are going to do our best with these thoughts and predictions. Some of you long-time readers might be like ‘wait where’s you amazing list of reviews for every important movie’ and may I remind you that that comes out before the Oscars, where the movies actually matter/when I have had more time to account for the stupid later UK release dates.
BEST MOTION PICTURE,
DRAMA A Star is Born Black Panther BlacKkKlansmen Bohemian Rhapsody If Beale Street Could Talk |
BEST MOTION PICTURE,
COMEDY/MUSICAL Crazy Rich Asians The Favourite Green Book Mary Poppins Returns Vice |
As for the actual Comedy/Musical category, the only great surprise is ‘Crazy Rich Asians’, which deserves the slot and is actually a comedy, so well done to the HFPA. This is the perfect maneuver for the HFPA to get big names of the year, but from non-awardsy movies, to come to their party. ‘The Favourite’ was a great movie and it’s billed as a dark comedy, though to me it was more horrifying and full of nervous laughter, but I concede that it’s the right kind of movie for this category. That Yorgos though! ‘Mary Poppins Returns’ shouldn’t be on this list, not because it wasn’t a musical, which it is, but because it was not good. Most disappointing movie of the year for me. There are 100 movies that should have taken that slot, but none with Emily Blunt and Lin-Manuel Miranda, who the journos wanted to invite, so here we are. Party’s not a party without Lin! As for ‘Green Book’ and ‘Vice’, they should be swapped (with the two musical biopics) to the drama category. I have it on good authority that ‘Green Book’ is clearly a drama. And I guess the foreign reporters find it funny to make fun of America’s downfall so they are calling ‘Vice’ a comedy even though it’s upsetting and depressing? I guess.
Given that these categories are bonkers, it’s hard to pick winners. For ‘Drama’, my vote would be for ‘A Star is Born’, and the Globes seem like the right venue for rewarding that starry successful film. Everyone loves it (I know I know except for two of you reading this, I get it, you hated it) and it was completely wonderful, and it doesn’t hurt that it was a financial hit. For ‘Comedy/Musical’, I think it will be ‘The Favourite’ because it’s actually a dark comedy, it’s a pretty great (though WEIRD AF) movie, and the foreigners voting love them some Yorgos and some Olivia Colman.
Glenn Close, “The Wife”
Lady Gaga, “A Star Is Born”
Nicole Kidman, “Destroyer”
Melissa McCarthy, “Can You Ever Forgive Me?”
Rosamund Pike, “A Private War”
Bradley Cooper, “A Star Is Born”
Willem Dafoe, “At Eternity’s Gate”
Lucas Hedges, “Boy Erased”
Rami Malek, “Bohemian Rhapsody”
John David Washington, “BlacKkKlansman”
Emily Blunt, “Mary Poppins Returns”
Olivia Colman, “The Favourite”
Elsie Fisher, “Eighth Grade”
Charlize Theron, “Tully”
Constance Wu, “Crazy Rich Asians”
Christian Bale, “Vice”
Lin-Manuel Miranda, “Mary Poppins Returns”
Viggo Mortensen, “Green Book”
Robert Redford, “The Old Man & the Gun”
John C. Reilly, “Stan & Ollie”
Amy Adams, ‘Vice’
Claire Foy, ‘First Man’
Regina King, ‘If Beale Street Could Talk’
Emma Stone, ‘The Favourite’
Rachel Weisz, ‘The Favourite’
Mahershala Ali, ‘Green Book’
Timothee Chalamet, ‘Beautiful Boy’
Adam Driver, ‘BlacKkKlansmen’
Richard E. Grant, “Can You Ever Forgive Me?’
Sam Rockwell, ‘Vice’
Bradley Cooper, ‘A Star is Born’
Alfonso Cuaron, ‘Roma’
Peter Farrelly, ‘Green Book’
Spike Lee, ‘BlacKkKlansmen’
Adam McKay, ‘Vice’
The Americans
Bodyguard
Homecoming
Killing Eve
Pose
Jason Bateman, Ozark
Stephan James, Homecoming
Richard Madden, Bodyguard
Billy Porter, Pose
Matthew Rhys, The Americans
Caitriona Balfe, Outlander
Elisabeth Moss, The Handmaid’s Tale
Sandra Oh, Killing Eve
Julia Roberts, Homecoming
Keri Russell, The Americans
Barry
The Good Place
Kidding
The Kominsky Method
The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
Michael Douglas, The Kominsky Method
Sacha Baron Cohen, Who is America
Jim Carrey, Kidding
Donald Glover, Atlanta
Bill Hader, Barry
Kristen Bell, The Good Place
Candice Bergen, Murphy Brown
Alison Brie, GLOW
Rachel Brosnahan, The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
Debra Messing, Will & Grace