Vegan Guide to Michelin Restaurants: Gauthier, Soho

March 8, 2017

Rosewater Baklava Hamantaschen for Purim: Helping Purim Beat Halloween From Here On Out

March 13, 2014

The hamantasch uncooked; see below for cooked

I don’t even know guys. This might be the best thing ever. A random and fortuitous amalgam of happenings brought forth this little miracle unto our lives. Such happenings include: Purim being this weekend; my having recently acquired rosewater; my dislike of Halloween; my pint of poppy seeds, intended for my hamantaschen filling, having gone rancid. So lucky! Such fortuitous.

So, yeah, almost Purim! Purim is to Halloween what Hannukah is to Christmas. They aren’t reeeeally substitutes, but they get passed off to impressionable, sad children as replacements. (Jews don’t like Halloween ostensibly because it’s super pagan (no worship of idols!) and Catholic in its origins, but I think it’s because they don’t want their children to eat so much candy that they’d get cavities and need to see the dentist who is the son of that yenta from synagogue who brags about her son being a dentist.) It’s about when King Ahasuerus got super drunk and ordered all the young ladies to line up so he could pick his favorite to be his wife, and he picked Esther, a Jew who didn’t let on that she was a Jew, who had been raised by her uncle Mordechai, which is a name that you always have to say with the required Yiddy question mark at the end. So the king’s Jafar, named Haman, decides to kill all the Jews, but then Esther tells her hubsking, ‘Hey I’m Jewish! You can’t kill the Jews!’ and the King is all ‘Oh man you are right! Jafar Haman get thee gone! You are evil! We are going to celebrate this holiday by making delicious cookies in the shape of your three-cornered hat! I don’t know why the celebratory traditional food should be in the villain’s honor, but there we are!’ So that is Purim.

I was planning on making regular traditional poppy seed filling for my hamantaschen, but my poppy seeds were rancid. Boo and hiss! But it turned out to be $3 well wasted, because I was forced to try something new and much more interesting. I recently bought but have never used rosewater, so this was the time. The time was now. I dove into my nut drawer and came to the surface with almonds, cashews, and pistachios. Perfect! I had a sudden vision of a Middle Eastern marketplace, like a live-action version of the “Sugar dates! Sugar dates & figs! Sugar dates & pistachios!” scene from “Aladdin”, with men offering me baklava that I would have to turn down because of the honey. (I know baklava is Greek but it is also found in central and southwest Asia so BACK OFF.) I have really weird visions. So I wanted the nuts chopped roughly and cooked in a syrup. I decided to use my very old very on-the-brink Magic Bullet to chop them because I figured it was too weak and senile to do much damage. However, by some Purim miracle, the little machine suddenly got its groove back and pulverized my nuts before I could stop it. So cray. I was left with ground nuts…which actually turned out to be even better! I can’t wait to make actual baklava using this; it is RIDICULOUS.
I kind of dislike crispy or crunchy cookies; I am all about the chewy (with few exceptions). To have chewy more than crispy dough here, I had to make decisions that led to poofy dough when cooked, spreading wildly like a badass hamantasch. It’s delicious and I suggest you try it!

HAMANTASCHEN DOUGH
Ingredients:

4 cups all-purpose flour
1 cups minus 2 tablespoons sugar
2 tablespoons brown sugar
2 tablespoons cornstarch
2 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 cup canola oil
1 cup + 2 tablespoons unsweetened almond milk
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
1/2 teaspoon almond extract
1/4 teaspoon lemon extract

Directions:

Mix the dry ingredients in a large bowl.
Mix the wet ingredients in a separate bowl or in a measuring cup. Try not to drop the full cup onto the floor as I did.
Mix the dry & wet together well, and knead for a few minutes until forms a nice ball.
Split in half and wrap each half in Saran wrap/clingfilm.
Refrigerate for an hour.

BAKLAVA FILLING
Ingredients:

1/2 cup raw almonds
1/4 cup raw pistachios
1/4 cup raw cashews
1/4 cup agave plus more if needed
1.5 tablespoons rosewater
4 tablespoons water
1 teaspoon vanilla extract or paste

Directions:

Grind the nuts in a food processor. It can be a little chunky.
In a heavy-bottomed pan, mix all ingredients over medium heat.
Cook, stirring, for about 10 minutes. Let it lightly boil, and turn down if it is boiling too heavily. It should reduce greatly after 10 or so minutes and become a paste.

ASSEMBLY

Take the refrigerated dough out of the fridge and let thaw for at least 30 minutes.
Flour a clean surface and roll out each dough section until as thin as you can get it without it becoming flimsy. I went to about 1/4 inch thick, which is probably on the thicker side and probably why mine got so pouffy. That’s just science. The thinner you roll it, the less pouffy it will get, so decide how you want your cookies.
Take a 4-5 inch circular thing, like a jar lid or a mug (or a circle cookie cutter if you are the freaking queen of England or something) and press into the dough multiple times. Like, you know how to do this.
Take a tablespoon of filling and place in the middle of each circle.
Fold the sides up so they meet at a point at the top, and then fold the bottom up. We are making triangles, p.s.
Preheat the oven to 350F while you are folding the hats.
Bake for about 15 minutes, until golden but not browning.
Enjoyyy! Don’t eat 8 before they cool off like I did because you will not feel nice.

I hope you decide to try these! Happy Purim!

I love my pretty new colorful equipment! That’s all.

If you run out of Saran wrap like I did, use a big Ziplock!

Sometimes you feel like a ground up nuts.

There’s thread on the PPK about what cool things people have found at TJ Maxx & similar places. I only get cooking supplies there, like these! Vanilla paste and rosewater for a few dollahs? Hollahhh.

“My hat is has 3 corners, 3 corners has my hat. And if it’d not 3 corners, it would not be my hat!” That’s a song of Haman’s that we learned as small jews.

Pre cookery. The few jelly-filled ones at the back are actually filled with an Earl Grey Apricot jam, courtesy of my friend Stephanie from Swell Baked Goods in Memphis. It is sooo delicious, as is everything she makes.

See they got pretty puffy but I like that! This is the cool way to do it. Happy day!

original comments: https://laughfrodisiac.weebly.com/my-own-creations/rosewater-baklava-hamantaschen-for-purim-helping-purim-beat-halloween-from-here-on-out#comments

Eating in Madrid, Spain: All-Vegan Bar Food at B13

July 29, 2015

In our short time in Madrid, we weren’t able to hit all the vegan spots I put on my list. (I was saving my food-tour kind of living for Austin.) Adding to the struggle was that we found at least two spots closed when they were supposed to be open. (I hate Uncle Siesta!) Luckily, we did get to eat at B13, an all-vegan bar the name of which I assume refers to how they’re even better than vitamin b12. Or that like b12, vegans need them. I doubt it’s that. It’s a cool, chill, punk-ish hole-in-the-wall with an unreliable but fun menu. The food was decent, nothing extraordinary, and at times hilarious, but it was just a treat to have an entirely vegan place, even if that place smelled of spilled beer and felt like it too.

globbible

We were very hungry after a day of walking and wandering, so we were happy when they brought a complimentary starter of bread and ‘salad’. Or were we? This was one of the most hilarious plates of food. In the middle of two pieces of bread was a mayonnaise-y clump of mayonnaise, as far as I could tell. Or potato salad, but the mayo outweighed the presence of potato and other vegetables. Yes, it was vegan (doesn’t look like it!), but still, there’s not much that’s appetizing about a big puddle of mayo, vegan or not. Not the most auspicious start, although it did taste okay in little bites. It’s hard to tell, but this was a huge portion. We tried to attack it at various points in the meal but it was just too much for our soft Western feet.

Not having had enough beige, our first food order was calamari. Having fried calamari on the menu was a main reason I wanted to go to B13, because it used to be my faaavorite. And guess what that came with? More bread!

beige food, beige food, a-whatcha gonna do

The calamari was pretty good! It didn’t have a discernible fishy taste, which I think is a good move, and it was maybe more like very chewy onion rings, but it was one of the more enjoyable fried foods I’ve eaten. The hunk of bread we could have done without. Perhaps a salad (not of mayo) would have complemented it better.
I was also lured to B13 because it actually has vegan Spanish omelette, the staple dish of potato-filled omelette. It’s so good and I really really wanted a vegan version. Guess what. None that day. They also were out of the croquettes, which sounded great. Arghaaanauts.

For our mains, we created two combo platters. The combo platter situation was quite something. You can pick one item from three different sections, which we did. So, three separate items, okay. One of ours came out as expected, like a full plate of food. But one was kind of funny in execution. For this unexpectedly funny one, we chose the sausages, the green peppers, and hummus. Like, it was three foods. On a plate. Just chilling. This is kind of weird, right?

I mean, yes, here we have sausages, hummus, and peppers, which we did order, but they’re just, I don’t know, sitting there! All the components are just sitting there. I don’t know, it’s a weird plate! This also came with a basket of bread. It’s like a deconstructed plate of food or something. Weird. The peppers were really great, grilled until they were super soft. Although I may have just been excited about seeing a non-mayoed vegetable. No they were good. And the hummus was quite enjoyable, as almost all hummus is, despite it being the first food that needed bread but the 3rd dish that came with bread.
The other combo platter we made was the breaded seitan steak with salad and onion rings. Hrm. This seitan steak was…weird. It was super soft ‘seitan’, like you could tell it was maybe made with flour and not vital wheat gluten and not made correctly, and it was suuuuper sweet. It actually tasted like a maple syrup-covered pancake. But it was seitan. Husband couldn’t eat it. I tried. I did not fully succeed.

At least this plate looks more like an actual plate of food, right? And that salad was so good. Well, it was average normal green salad with tomatoes and carrots, but I was so happy to see it after all this beige. The onion rings were decent but unnecessary. If I returned, I would combo platter the burger, which we didn’t try and I bet is really good just because of odds, the salad, and the peppers.
This is the point where our story gets very very sad. One of the best parts about B13 is that they have soy milkshakes! And milkshakes are one of the best foods out there! The availability of milkshakes was my #1 reason for wanting to go to B13. You’ve probably already guessed what happened: no milkshakes that day. Sadface.
They did have one last piece of cream cake. Or pie. I am not really sure what this was, but it had a wide layer of light thick sweet cream that was just really really good. The wondrous fluffy cream came on top of a spongy vanilla cake layer, and it was all topped with delicious caramel-ly crushed nuts. So yay for that.

thank you. thank you. thank god for you.

B13, MADRID, SPAIN
Water speed: Hooray for a carafe, though refills were slow.
Service: Staff is mostly behind the bar, which we were near, so we could talk to them easily.
Bathrooms: One or two very typical bar bathrooms.
Food: Disappointing if you want great food (or anything you were jonesing for on the menu), but good if you just need somewhere vegan.
Bonus: An all-vegan place in the middle of any city is pretty cool!