Challenge Accepted: Marshmallow-less Rice Krispie Treatsby Randi / October 25, 2013
We all know how much I adore Monica, yes? She gets angry in hilarious ways, she loves controlling everything, and she has really shiny hair. I aspire to be like her in most aspects. HOWEVER. Today we’re all about hating Monica. I KNOW!! Bitch needs a slap in the face for changing the food at Phoebe’s rehearsal dinner without the bride’s authorization. It’s worse than it sounds: In “The One With Phoebe’s Wedding”, Phoebe, the bride and a vegetarian, requests vegetarian potstickers be served so she has SOMETHING TO EAT AT HER OWN DINNER. But Monica in full-out bitchface mode commits an unforgivable sin:
Monica: (looking at Phoebe eating something) Pheebs, spit that out, that has pork in it.
Phoebe: Oh! I though the potstickers were supposed to be vegetarian!
Monica: Yeah, I changed them. I sent you a fax about it!
Phoebe: I don’t have a fax machine.
Monica: Ah, well then there are gonna be a few surprises!
F-ing A, Monica! I’m still livid on Phoebe’s behalf. EVERYTHING at a vegetarian’s wedding should be vegetarian! F*** the people who think otherwise. And DOUBLE F*** those people that we all know who don’t think they can go 4 hours without eating meat and think they are entitled to being fed meat at someone else’s wedding. F*** that noise. Obviously, I feel very strongly that if you have a certain way of eating, a party being thrown for you should cater 100% to your desires. It’s extra annoying because, for most restrictions, guests/relatives/strangers on the internet will agree with this…except for veganism. A person with celiac disease should have a gluten-free wedding cake, yes, they agree. A kosher couple should not be forced to wrap bacon around their cantaloupe or whatever people like to wrap bacon around, sure sure. Muslims should be able to have Halal-certified meat, of course (but don’t have meat, please). But when vegans try to have an all vegan wedding (or any event), cue the firestorm of negativity. It makes no sense. (But it is a very good way to weed out the people who you don’t want to waste your time playing with anymore.) Anyway, in honor of the 87 weddings I’ve gone to in the past 2 months, I am making Phoebe her vegetarian potstickers today. And they are going to kick Monica’s scrappy behind.
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VEGETARIAN POTSTICKERS
INGREDIENTS FOR DOUGH:
DIRECTIONS FOR DOUGH:
INGREDIENTS FOR FILLING:
DIRECTIONS FOR FILLING:
DIRECTIONS FOR ASSEMBLY:
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Mixing the dough with a chopstick like an Asian lady told me to 
This is the cabbage I used, obvs from Trader Joe’s 
Rolled out dough, ginger in background 
Cabbage filling 
Cooking in the oily water 
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These turned out really well! Yum! The bottoms did indeed stick to the pot, making the edges crispy but still chewy. With practice, I will hopefully be able to mold the dumplings into shapes that aren’t entirely awful. It’s hard! “I keep taking the test over and over again but I’m all, this is hard!”* So, make, enjoy, toast to Phoebe and her long-term vegetarianism (save while she was preggers), and flip Monica the bird! (But next time we’ll be back to worshiping her.)
*I know we have no current giveaway, but if anyone guesses the source of this, my favorite TV quote/scene ever, I’d be thrilled.
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Vegan Guide to Michelin Restaurants: Ramon Freixa in Madrid, Spain
*This post is part of a series in which I eat fancy Michelin-starred meals and then brag about it.
When we spent a weekend in Madrid this year, Husband surprised me with a reservation for lunch at Ramon Freixa, a restaurant with two (2!) Michelin stars. This was obviously very exciting, although the place is not well-known for its vegan-friendliness. Husband contacted all the best restaurants in Madrid to see who could accommodate vegans the most, and Ramon’s assurances were the most persuasive and promising. And if they didn’t do a good job, at least I could publicly shame them on my blog. Happily, we are doing zero shaming today! (At least on the blog.) Ramon Freixa presented me with a delightful, seemingly endless vegan ‘lunch’ (it lasted well into the evening).
Before we get to the food, let’s talk about the restaurant itself. We were brought to a heated covered patio sort of thing, like a sun room, to wait for our table. We had one of the first reservations of the day and we were a little early so we sat in the lovely little sun room that would have been so much lovelier if it wasn’t January. a few businessmen-type people were doing business at a nearby table. Soon we were led inside, and the restaurant was so clean and shiny and pretty and I realized, erma p, I am quite underdressed. Although I haven’t written in it in a really long time, I do indeed have a Style section on this website. I like to think that I have at least decent taste (and those of you remembering my law school backpack can shove it). So, I am embarrassed to say that the one and only time I believe I was ever, ever underdressed was for this lunch!! Que c’est embarrassant!
The sunroom? bar? |
Our table so pretty! And big! So big! |
My bag has its own little seat!
My favorite thing right off the bat was that, before I could put my (favorite Matt & Nat!) purse on the floor, a staff member literally swept in and placed a metal stool next to my chair for that purpose. I mean. Come on. A seat for my bag? Where am I? This is awesome! I knew then that my napkin would be folded into a swan or elephant every time I went to the bathroom, and that I did not have to worry about my water refills. It’s that kind of place.
Unfortunately for you, the printed menu they gave us is poorly translated and poorly edited of the non-vegan items. I’ll do the best I can to describe things and remember what the crap they were, but I’ll tell you right now, I don’t remember any details. Spoiler: I’m also sharing two pictures of non-vegan foods (the butter dish and a small cheese) because they were the most adorable and awesome-looking things ever, and you can’t really tell what they are anyway.
The first few dishes were already on our table when we were seated, which I very much enjoyed. According to the menu, we have seaweed crackers, “cold and hot citric”, and “the strawberry that wanted to become tomato”, the latter of which is the name of a book or movie or song I’m going to write; I don’t care what it is I need to use that name. The crackers were self-explanatory, nothing special. But the other two components set the bar extremely high for the rest of the meal, at least creativity-wise. The cold and hot citric was a really citrus sorbet but with hot citrus juice poured on top, so it was frozen yet hot and foaming while you ate it. It was delicious, but more than that, it was awesome. Our poor little strawberry friend was a huge surprise, because it looked like a strawberry, little seed dots and all, but it was indeed a tomato. A perfect raw tomato that had somehow been manipulated to look like a strawberry AND to not taste like the usual (gross) raw tomatoes. So cool!
The first few dishes were already on our table when we were seated, which I very much enjoyed. According to the menu, we have seaweed crackers, “cold and hot citric”, and “the strawberry that wanted to become tomato”, the latter of which is the name of a book or movie or song I’m going to write; I don’t care what it is I need to use that name. The crackers were self-explanatory, nothing special. But the other two components set the bar extremely high for the rest of the meal, at least creativity-wise. The cold and hot citric was a really citrus sorbet but with hot citrus juice poured on top, so it was frozen yet hot and foaming while you ate it. It was delicious, but more than that, it was awesome. Our poor little strawberry friend was a huge surprise, because it looked like a strawberry, little seed dots and all, but it was indeed a tomato. A perfect raw tomato that had somehow been manipulated to look like a strawberry AND to not taste like the usual (gross) raw tomatoes. So cool!
Hot and cold citric |
Strawberries but really tomatoes! |
Next, we were brought small bread rolls that we got to choose from an enormous and varied basket (yay and I wanted all of them). I was given a little dish of some of the greatest olive oil ever, while Husband was given a hockey puck and a rock. I kid you not. A hockey puck and a rock. He called over a waiter and asked, “Um…so…what do I do with these objects?” Judging from past experience, we assumed the rock was very very hot and that it was a cooking stone for an ingredient to be presented (this is actually based on past experience, not joking). But the waiter showed us that the hockey puck was actually a butter dish (the butter was the middle) and the rock was a soft piece of cheese that happened to have a slate grey shell formed around it. I mean, I was cracking up. My favorite things that I never ate and don’t want anyone to eat!
THANKS, BREAD! |
I’m sorry it’s a non-veg item but come on this is hilarious it was a rock |
Tell me this isn’t a hockey puck! |
Tomatoes on a cracker but amazing
After being served basket bread, it turned out that our next real dish was more bread! Yay! Well, it was a crispbread, luckily, because we got basket bread multiple times. (Michelin restaurants in Spain give bread! Who knew!) The cracker was doused in amazing olive oil and salt, and topped with delicious tomatoes and tomato pulp. I don’t usually get excited about raw tomatoes, but this was so so great. Like the cracker version of the best bruschetta ever.
The next two small plates are mysteries. They were both good, one incredible and one fine, but I’m just not sure what they were. I think the fantastic one was a lentil cracker with some kind of cheesy root vegetable and crispy things on top. It was such a lovely little bite I could have had 100 of them. It was also served upon a white ceramic tree stump. Hot damn I love the stuff fancy restaurants use. The fine one I think was chia seeds; the menu says ‘veggy roe’ which is pretty accurate for chia pudding actually. It had chopped carrot or winter squash in there and some seaweed.
The next two small plates are mysteries. They were both good, one incredible and one fine, but I’m just not sure what they were. I think the fantastic one was a lentil cracker with some kind of cheesy root vegetable and crispy things on top. It was such a lovely little bite I could have had 100 of them. It was also served upon a white ceramic tree stump. Hot damn I love the stuff fancy restaurants use. The fine one I think was chia seeds; the menu says ‘veggy roe’ which is pretty accurate for chia pudding actually. It had chopped carrot or winter squash in there and some seaweed.
Uncle cracker |
Chia pudding? |
The following dish was actually a dish (huge news!), on a dish, and was a little miracle. Not kidding, this plate I think was my favorite, one of the best parts of the meal. It included ‘steamed truffle made of truffle’ and ‘vanilla souffle potatoes’. Let’s start with the truffle made of truffle. It was perfect black truffle whipped into a truffle shape. I have never had real truffles before, aside from an odd dash of lower-quality truffle oil at some places, so it was pretty awesome to have my first legit truffle be an enormous glob of the good stuff. And I mean enormous. It was probably too much for the dish, and I’m sure other people would have had trouble finishing the insanely rich delicacy, but I loved it. Erma. I’m such a convert to truffles now. Not that I have ever bought anything truffle or had any since.
Bests
So so cool
That’s a lot of super rich truffle! It was so so good. Anyone who thinks truffles are so over are crazy. And they sound pretentious. Now I’m cracking up hearing Louis CK do his pretentious white girl voice saying “truffles are soo ooover.” Anyway, that wasn’t even the best part of this plate. That lone slice of potato that looks kind of sad, the one wearing the hat? was the most incredible, creative, and surprisingly delicious part of this whole meal. When they told us it was a vanilla potato, we were like…umm…that’s going to be gross. A for creativity and trying to be unique, but what? No, we were very wrong. It was spectacular! Purely vanilla, but still proper to be eating with savory food. So incredible! Here’s a close-up so you can see the vanilla bean goodness.
After such rich food, I was grateful that the next dish was lighter and healthier, although it did taste healthier to if you know what I mean. This was a bean log, made of pureed white beans, rolled in broccoli dust, with shaved raw truffles at the ends. (Raw truffles do not taste like whipped awesome truffles.) This did taste a little like plain beans and raw broccoli, but I am vegan so I really enjoyed it.
After such rich food, I was grateful that the next dish was lighter and healthier, although it did taste healthier to if you know what I mean. This was a bean log, made of pureed white beans, rolled in broccoli dust, with shaved raw truffles at the ends. (Raw truffles do not taste like whipped awesome truffles.) This did taste a little like plain beans and raw broccoli, but I am vegan so I really enjoyed it.
Ah but next up was another rich dish! Well, a rich and crazy soup, really, or tea…or coffee. On the menu, it is called ‘from tea to cappuccino’, and it was another mind-boggling creation. A cup of hot mushroom broth was topped with a thick salted celery foam that I’m pretty sure is responsible for one of the Michelin stars. Celery foam! After you got through the ‘cappuccino’ foam, you got to the mushroom ‘tea’. Incredible little cup of wonder!
Grilled veggies, I just can’t finish you!
As expected with a restaurant that isn’t primarily vegan-focused, one of my ‘main’ dishes was grilled vegetables. But, it was pretty wonderful! There was a small cauliflower steak, perfectly oily mushrooms, asparagus tips, pearl onions, Brussels sprouts, tiny whole carrots, and a wonderful rich sauce underneath it all. This dish was described in the menu as being ‘like an animated forest’. I don’t know if that’s true, but it’s awesome.
By now you probably realize, whew, this is a lot of food, we must be getting near dessert, right? And you said this was lunch?! Nope, two more savory courses to go! Luckily, even though I was quite (QUITE) full, the next two plates were some of my favorite things ever. First off, we got tofu! It was sooo goood. And so surprising! They must work with tofu regularly because otherwise I just don’t know how they made this so well. It tasted like it was marinated in soy sauce, and it was really firm and incredibly smooth (not grainy), which I rarely find in tofu regardless of the source. The tofu sat on a bed of fresh peas, and it was all seasoned so lightly but so well. So cool!
Really good tofu!
We ended the savory food section on a high note, with a tiny hot soup of fresh peas and..a grain? topped with grilled radicchio. This was so perfect, I wish I could recreate it to have for dinner on a cold winter’s night. Or a cold summer night; I am in London still wearing longs and longs in July.
After such an impressive array of food, it was only natural that the desserts wouldn’t be able to reach the same high levels. They did a remarkable job with the food, for a restaurant that doesn’t usually serve vegans, but dessert is harder for most places. I got two beautiful if simple fruit dishes, one that came with a poof of Smurf hair cotton candy. Pretty fun!
Another tree stump ! |
Vegan Smurf |
All in all, it was a splendid meal, and definitely recommended if you are looking for a duper fancy restaurant in Madrid. I think I’m still full from it.
RAMON FREIXA, MADRID, SPAIN
Water speed: Total bosses! I think there was a waiter who was solely responsible for watering me.
Service: See above. Pretty great.
Bathrooms: Omg the bathrooms were so funny. The restaurant decor was all golds and whites and silvers, very simple chic, and then the bathroom was like neon yellow and futuristic plastic stuff, so funny. There were incredibly fancy soaps and lotions too; I considered pulling a ‘Broad City’ and filling up a plastic bag with them.
Food: Really wonderful overall. Some dishes were basic but the average was brought up pretty high due to some standouts.
Bonus: Pretty sure we were dining with the richest Japanese businessmen planning coups and stuff. Also people were wearing hilarious dinner jackets. Like hilarious.
Hell Yeah Veganism: “Challenge Accepted”
Hi everyone! I’m going to be away for about a week (unless I am able to blog on the road!), but in the meantime I have a request for you. My next TV-related posts (to appear concurrently with Veganizing “Friends” and others) will be a Barney Stinson-inspired “Challenge Accepted” series!
While the actual food made on “How I Met Your Mother” will be for a different project (which I will be able to announce soon!), this project will cover any food (or drink!) that you want me to veganize. I’m really only saying it’s HIMYM-related so I can use “Challenge Accepted” gifs like it’s my job. Give me your crazy, your interesting, your memories, whatever you want, and I will veganize it. For example, my aunt expressed her desire for chocolate-covered bacon (gross!) and fried Oreos (at least the Oreos are already vegan!). I guess I need to buy a deep-fryer!
Comment below with what you want to see, or just say hi, and I’ll see you in a bit!
Comment below with what you want to see, or just say hi, and I’ll see you in a bit!
