Vegan Bar Food at Local 44, Philly: Gimme All You Gotby Randi / October 4, 2013
Blurry floating food! Guac in background!
We’re at that point in our Veganizing “Friends” fun when we have to acknowledge the worst mistake my beloved show ever made: Trying to make Rachel & Joey happen. UGH! The worst, right? Even if you didn’t like Ross, you still wanted him to end up with Rachel. (It’s pretty much the point of the show, though Monica & Chandler’s relationship was my favorite.) And even if you are some Crazy McCrazerson who didn’t want Ross & Rachel together, there’s no way in hayell that you wanted Rachel & Joey together! It’s like incest! And weird! Awkward for everyone, and especially awkward for Ross. Which brings us to FAJITAS. (I’m legally bound to use all caps.)
As you may recall, Ross understandably but wrongly decides that the best course of action in response to the news of Rachel & Joey is to pretend that he’s fine with it. Not just fine, but fiiiiine. I think he says “I’m fiiiine” about 30 times during the course of this episode. The episode is even called “The One Where Ross Is Fine”! You gotta feel bad for him, even if he acts like a total ass.
As you may recall, Ross understandably but wrongly decides that the best course of action in response to the news of Rachel & Joey is to pretend that he’s fine with it. Not just fine, but fiiiiine. I think he says “I’m fiiiine” about 30 times during the course of this episode. The episode is even called “The One Where Ross Is Fine”! You gotta feel bad for him, even if he acts like a total ass.
To further convince everyone that he’s fiiiine, an unhinged Ross plans a double date dinner party with Rachel, Joey, and Ross’s current girlfriend Charlie. Oh it’s going to be weeeeeird. But he’s making FAJITAS!
The internet really wants me to make Ross’s FAJITAS. So many videos and gifs! It’s like Christmas! Or Cinco de Mayo! So guess what?
How much do you love his face in the above? If your memory of the episode is rusty, watch the video on the left. Warning: He is extremely hyperactive and agita-inducing in this video, and the editing doesn’t help. But it’s still worth it. If you just want to hear Ross say FAJITAS, watch the one on the right.
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Let’s get down to the cooking, shall we? Fajitas and tacos are usually seen as interchangeable, as long as they involve meat, because when most people think fajitas, they think of the sizzling cast iron pan of meat. In fact, fajita originally referred to the cut of beef used in the dish, hence differentiating it from a taco. I also like to think that the tortillas for fajitas are bigger, but that’s probably due to my first fajita experience like 20 years ago.
While we’re definitely going to use bigazz tortillas for wrapping up all the components (and saute a lot of onions of peppers because that’s what stands out to me!), we’re not going to try to veganize the cut of skirt steak to make these FAJITAS more authentic. F that! I’m in the mood for tempeh, so I’m making tempeh! The most brilliant part of Mexican cuisine is that you can wrap a bunch of different things in a tortilla and it’s freaking delicious. Here’s what I did for my FAJITAS:
While we’re definitely going to use bigazz tortillas for wrapping up all the components (and saute a lot of onions of peppers because that’s what stands out to me!), we’re not going to try to veganize the cut of skirt steak to make these FAJITAS more authentic. F that! I’m in the mood for tempeh, so I’m making tempeh! The most brilliant part of Mexican cuisine is that you can wrap a bunch of different things in a tortilla and it’s freaking delicious. Here’s what I did for my FAJITAS:
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COMPONENTS:
For the tempeh:
For the onions and peppers:
 Adding the stuff to the pan For the squash and beans:
 Post-beans For the Brussels sprouts:
I know you know by now that these are one of my favorite foods, when properly doused in oil and nearly burnt. Amaaaazing.
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 Lots of things in various bowls!  Beautiful, innit  Why do veggies always shrink down to nothing! I mean, I know why, but still why.  Pre-beans    |
I think that’s everything! Get some lettuce, tomato, salsa, make your favorite guacamole, and layer all of these various parts on top of your tortilla. I know nothing is really sizzling, but I tend to burn my hands often and badly, (like Ross!) so I left that part out. You go on with your sizzling self, though!
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Eating in Madrid, Spain: All-Vegan Bar Food at B13
In our short time in Madrid, we weren’t able to hit all the vegan spots I put on my list. (I was saving my food-tour kind of living for Austin.) Adding to the struggle was that we found at least two spots closed when they were supposed to be open. (I hate Uncle Siesta!) Luckily, we did get to eat at B13, an all-vegan bar the name of which I assume refers to how they’re even better than vitamin b12. Or that like b12, vegans need them. I doubt it’s that. It’s a cool, chill, punk-ish hole-in-the-wall with an unreliable but fun menu. The food was decent, nothing extraordinary, and at times hilarious, but it was just a treat to have an entirely vegan place, even if that place smelled of spilled beer and felt like it too.
globbible
We were very hungry after a day of walking and wandering, so we were happy when they brought a complimentary starter of bread and ‘salad’. Or were we? This was one of the most hilarious plates of food. In the middle of two pieces of bread was a mayonnaise-y clump of mayonnaise, as far as I could tell. Or potato salad, but the mayo outweighed the presence of potato and other vegetables. Yes, it was vegan (doesn’t look like it!), but still, there’s not much that’s appetizing about a big puddle of mayo, vegan or not. Not the most auspicious start, although it did taste okay in little bites. It’s hard to tell, but this was a huge portion. We tried to attack it at various points in the meal but it was just too much for our soft Western feet.
Not having had enough beige, our first food order was calamari. Having fried calamari on the menu was a main reason I wanted to go to B13, because it used to be my faaavorite. And guess what that came with? More bread!
beige food, beige food, a-whatcha gonna do
The calamari was pretty good! It didn’t have a discernible fishy taste, which I think is a good move, and it was maybe more like very chewy onion rings, but it was one of the more enjoyable fried foods I’ve eaten. The hunk of bread we could have done without. Perhaps a salad (not of mayo) would have complemented it better.
I was also lured to B13 because it actually has vegan Spanish omelette, the staple dish of potato-filled omelette. It’s so good and I really really wanted a vegan version. Guess what. None that day. They also were out of the croquettes, which sounded great. Arghaaanauts.
I was also lured to B13 because it actually has vegan Spanish omelette, the staple dish of potato-filled omelette. It’s so good and I really really wanted a vegan version. Guess what. None that day. They also were out of the croquettes, which sounded great. Arghaaanauts.
For our mains, we created two combo platters. The combo platter situation was quite something. You can pick one item from three different sections, which we did. So, three separate items, okay. One of ours came out as expected, like a full plate of food. But one was kind of funny in execution. For this unexpectedly funny one, we chose the sausages, the green peppers, and hummus. Like, it was three foods. On a plate. Just chilling. This is kind of weird, right?
I mean, yes, here we have sausages, hummus, and peppers, which we did order, but they’re just, I don’t know, sitting there! All the components are just sitting there. I don’t know, it’s a weird plate! This also came with a basket of bread. It’s like a deconstructed plate of food or something. Weird. The peppers were really great, grilled until they were super soft. Although I may have just been excited about seeing a non-mayoed vegetable. No they were good. And the hummus was quite enjoyable, as almost all hummus is, despite it being the first food that needed bread but the 3rd dish that came with bread.
The other combo platter we made was the breaded seitan steak with salad and onion rings. Hrm. This seitan steak was…weird. It was super soft ‘seitan’, like you could tell it was maybe made with flour and not vital wheat gluten and not made correctly, and it was suuuuper sweet. It actually tasted like a maple syrup-covered pancake. But it was seitan. Husband couldn’t eat it. I tried. I did not fully succeed.
The other combo platter we made was the breaded seitan steak with salad and onion rings. Hrm. This seitan steak was…weird. It was super soft ‘seitan’, like you could tell it was maybe made with flour and not vital wheat gluten and not made correctly, and it was suuuuper sweet. It actually tasted like a maple syrup-covered pancake. But it was seitan. Husband couldn’t eat it. I tried. I did not fully succeed.
At least this plate looks more like an actual plate of food, right? And that salad was so good. Well, it was average normal green salad with tomatoes and carrots, but I was so happy to see it after all this beige. The onion rings were decent but unnecessary. If I returned, I would combo platter the burger, which we didn’t try and I bet is really good just because of odds, the salad, and the peppers.
This is the point where our story gets very very sad. One of the best parts about B13 is that they have soy milkshakes! And milkshakes are one of the best foods out there! The availability of milkshakes was my #1 reason for wanting to go to B13. You’ve probably already guessed what happened: no milkshakes that day. Sadface.
They did have one last piece of cream cake. Or pie. I am not really sure what this was, but it had a wide layer of light thick sweet cream that was just really really good. The wondrous fluffy cream came on top of a spongy vanilla cake layer, and it was all topped with delicious caramel-ly crushed nuts. So yay for that.
This is the point where our story gets very very sad. One of the best parts about B13 is that they have soy milkshakes! And milkshakes are one of the best foods out there! The availability of milkshakes was my #1 reason for wanting to go to B13. You’ve probably already guessed what happened: no milkshakes that day. Sadface.
They did have one last piece of cream cake. Or pie. I am not really sure what this was, but it had a wide layer of light thick sweet cream that was just really really good. The wondrous fluffy cream came on top of a spongy vanilla cake layer, and it was all topped with delicious caramel-ly crushed nuts. So yay for that.
thank you. thank you. thank god for you.
B13, MADRID, SPAIN
Water speed: Hooray for a carafe, though refills were slow.
Service: Staff is mostly behind the bar, which we were near, so we could talk to them easily.
Bathrooms: One or two very typical bar bathrooms.
Food: Disappointing if you want great food (or anything you were jonesing for on the menu), but good if you just need somewhere vegan.
Bonus: An all-vegan place in the middle of any city is pretty cool!
Water speed: Hooray for a carafe, though refills were slow.
Service: Staff is mostly behind the bar, which we were near, so we could talk to them easily.
Bathrooms: One or two very typical bar bathrooms.
Food: Disappointing if you want great food (or anything you were jonesing for on the menu), but good if you just need somewhere vegan.
Bonus: An all-vegan place in the middle of any city is pretty cool!
Crazy Mother Hubbard: What To Do With The World’s Largest Squash, Part 2 – Low-Sugar Squash Muffins
Oh this old thing? Just some Blue Hubbard squash I had lying around. No big deal.
Nah, as we learned last time, it’s TOTALLY a big deal. This is the coolest/scariest/punkest/most intimidating squash I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting. After using heaps of it in the bean stew, I still had a craptonne leftover, and there’s only so much squash I can eat plain. So we’re making muffins! I thought I hated muffins, but I like the ones I make. I think I just don’t like buying other people’s because…they’re muffins. You shouldn’t have to spend money on such things. So here. Make your own. Even if you don’t have a crazy old mother hubbard, just use pumpkin. Or any squash. But you wouldn’t have as much fun.
Nah, as we learned last time, it’s TOTALLY a big deal. This is the coolest/scariest/punkest/most intimidating squash I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting. After using heaps of it in the bean stew, I still had a craptonne leftover, and there’s only so much squash I can eat plain. So we’re making muffins! I thought I hated muffins, but I like the ones I make. I think I just don’t like buying other people’s because…they’re muffins. You shouldn’t have to spend money on such things. So here. Make your own. Even if you don’t have a crazy old mother hubbard, just use pumpkin. Or any squash. But you wouldn’t have as much fun.
These muffins are low in sugar, at least in my estimation. (At least compared to cupcakes?) And you can’t argue with the fact that they are low in sugar compared to candy. They also have flax seed in them, so they are automatically healthier than the last muffins you made, the ones with white flour and sugar and frosting (*cough* cupcakes *cough*). These are good! That’s all the matters. And they have oats in them, so you can get away with having them for breakfast in America. (I feel like only Americans have very strict rules about what counts as breakfast food. In Italy, they eat, like, deli meat. In Israel I had hummus and salad for breakfast. But in America I would be shamed for that. Why is that? Is it because all other aspects of American life are anarchic? Discuss.)
BLUE HUBBARD SQUASH MUFFINS
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Ingredients:
Directions:
Enjoy! I was very pleased with these muffins; I hope you will be as well. We only have a little bit of the monster squash left now – stay tuned as to its fate… |
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