Lisbon, Portugal: Towers, Music, & Chestnuts for All by Randi / September 24, 2013
As we’ve studied the eating habits of the Friends over the past few weeks, what is the most important lesson we’ve learned? JOEY DOESN’T SHARE FOOD. Correct! In “The One With The Birth Mother”, in one of my favorite Joey storylines, he dates a woman (Annie Parisse) who does silly things like order plain salads but mooch off of Joey’s dinner. I agree with Joey on this one: Order the food you want to eat! (As long as it’s vegan, obvs.) Anyway, Annie (let’s just call her Annie) doesn’t really understand that it’s weird to take food off of someone else’s plate, at least without asking first. The conflict comes to a hilarious climax with Joey’s seafood platter dinner. He thinks he’s successfully distracted her with extra fries (which he is willing to share), but no such luck:
HAHA Joey at the end of the above video is MY FAVORITE EVER. Anyway! So, as you heard, the following conversation occurred:
Annie: (looks over at Joey’s platter) Oh wow, are those stuffed clams?
Joey: Uhhh.. yes, they are my stuffed clams.
Now, you’re probably thinking, “Hold on, woman. It says ‘stuffed clams’, not ‘fried clams.'” A few points:
- See his seafood platter plate, with all those little fried somethings? They look clam-sized, not shrimp-sized. (I know you see the actual stuffed clam in the shell later, but he could have had clams a few ways!)
- What do you think Joey would like better, something stuffed, or something fried? Correct.
So, we’re going to make fried clams. Much better idea, right? Who has food-grade seashells lying around?
Nori is not the best idea here
I generally used the homemade seitan recipe from The PPK blog, because it’s great. I ripped the seitan pieces into long strips, and boiled it in broth with seaweed and dill thrown in. I didn’t have any kombu, so I used nori in the broth. If you have kombu, use that, because the nori isn’t meant for boiling and it disintegrated. Messy seaweed. You can see in the picture, it gets kind of weird. Kombu would impart a stronger flavor anyway. After the strips boiled, I breaded them and baked them. Let’s see!
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FIRST, MAKE SEITAN
INGREDIENTS:
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DIRECTIONS:
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How weird does this look with the disintegrating nori! Don’t do it!
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THEN, BREAD THE STRIPS
INGREDIENTS:
Coated strips, ready for cooking These turned out really well! They might not be salty enough for you, but that’s what sauces are for. You can make a vegan tartar sauce by blending vegan mayo, mustard, pickle relish, and capers, or you can just use ketchup. Really, any kind of sauce works here. An amazing thing I might do tomorrow with the leftovers is to mix vegan mayo with sriracha and a drop of Frank’s for a crazy spicy orange mayo like the type that comes with sushi rolls.
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DIRECTIONS:
It makes a lot! Dayum! |
Now, with your sauces ready, your strips crunchy and baked (or fried if you are awesome), you can enjoy them on a plate, as Joey did in this episode. ORRR, you can honor Mr. Joseph Francis Tribbiani even more, and make a sandwich! Because what is Joey’s favorite food? Say it with me: Sandwiches!!!
It’s aliiiiive! |
Not bad for my first try |
In sandwich form, I’d definitely recommend tartar sauce and whatever else fried-clams-on-rolls are usually served with up in New England. So good! These were overall really easy to make, and they turned out well. You can play with the breading mixture and add spices as you desire, perhaps some cayenne pepper, curry powder, or, if you are like me, more nooch. Yum! And, let’s say it all together now:
Giveaway trivia!
- Joey’s favorite food is, of course, sandwiches. But what is his favorite kind of sandwich?
- In Monica and Chandler’s storyline, they meet a woman at the adoption center who likes them. What does this woman think M & C do for a living?
- Extra credit: What Pulitzer-prize winning show featured a fantastic Annie Parisse?
Related Posts
Nutty Protein-Packed Homemade Granola! So Easy!
How many of you bake during the winter months just to make the house warmer? Here in London, it’s more of a necessity than a quirky activity. They didn’t get the memo on windows here so there’s like a good centimeter of separation between windows and frames. Cold air blows in all the time and you’re like, man alive turn on the oven or something.
But cookies? Those jerks only take 10 minutes or less in the oven. PASS! Cakes? Who am I making cakes for? Muffins are just bread with sugar and I’d rather eat my bread without sugar (and with hummus). Kale chips? Am I the only vegan who prefers kale raw (or any other way) to chippified? What can I make that’s feasible and that takes a long time so I have maximum oven usage? GRANOLA!
But cookies? Those jerks only take 10 minutes or less in the oven. PASS! Cakes? Who am I making cakes for? Muffins are just bread with sugar and I’d rather eat my bread without sugar (and with hummus). Kale chips? Am I the only vegan who prefers kale raw (or any other way) to chippified? What can I make that’s feasible and that takes a long time so I have maximum oven usage? GRANOLA!
Yes, granola is the easiest, best way to run your oven for at least an hour. Also, you actually want to eat the final product. And it’s healthy! This version I made uses nut butters as its main wet ingredient, and it works great as a binder. Add chia seeds, hemp seeds, and protein powder, you’ve got a power-giving snack that’s perfect for any time of day. I liked using unflavored rice protein in this recipe, mostly because it is too pasty to use in my smoothies. Also, I used puffed millet as my cereal. It’s great because the puffs are teeny tiny, almost like puffed quinoa. So just make sure you choose a cereal that’s on the small side. You don’t want huge puffed buckwheat or something that’s going to be significantly bigger than an oat.
Ingredients on the small side plus a superb wet ingredient mix based in nut butter will ensure that you get lots of big crunchy clusters instead of sad granola-flavored crumbs. As with all granola recipes, this is really more of a guide that you can play around with to suit to your preferences. Add chocolate chips! Or cocoa powder! Or use chocolate-hazelnut spread! Or add something non-chocolate. But that seems like a move in the wrong direction.
Ingredients on the small side plus a superb wet ingredient mix based in nut butter will ensure that you get lots of big crunchy clusters instead of sad granola-flavored crumbs. As with all granola recipes, this is really more of a guide that you can play around with to suit to your preferences. Add chocolate chips! Or cocoa powder! Or use chocolate-hazelnut spread! Or add something non-chocolate. But that seems like a move in the wrong direction.
POWER PUNCH GRANOLA
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I love mixing different nut butters with date syrup for the main binder. Date syrup adds a dark, deep flavor that you don’t get when you use regular liquid sweeteners alone. Try half the amount of molasses if you don’t have date syrup.
Ingredients:
Directions:
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Nut butter plus syrups. So pretty 
It’s like an add for superfoods! 
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It’s a veritable thing-with-a-lot-of-clusters-that-I’ve-decided-against-saying-because-I’m-a-lady!
Veganizing “Friends”: Pulling a Monica, Lasagna-Style
For today’s installment of Veganizing “Friends”, we are making lasagna! Not just any lasagna, mind you, but the lasagna that was supposed to be perfect, when Jack and Judy Gellar were coming over for dinner to harshly judge Monica and find fault with everything she does. Monica had to impress them with the lasagna, and had Rachel help her layer the noodles. But then…(fast forward the video below to 1:20 to see what happens, then read below to see what happens after the idiots who cut that video stopped that scene):
Rachel: Has anybody seen my engagement ring?
Phoebe: Yeah, it’s beautiful.
Rachel: Oh God, oh God, oh God oh God oh God oh God…. (Starts to look under the couch cushions.)
Phoebe: No, look, don’t touch that!
Rachel: Oh, like I wasn’t dreading tomorrow enough, having to give it back to him… ‘Hi Barry! Remember me? I’m the girl in the veil who stomped on your heart in front of your entire family!’ Oh God and now I’m gonna have to return the ring, without the ring, which makes it so much harder…
Monica: Easy Rach, we’ll find it. (To all) Won’t we!
Chandler and Joey: Oh! Yeah!
Joey: Alright, when’d’ya have it on last?
Phoebe: Doy! Probably right before she lost it!
Chandler: You don’t get a lot of ‘doy’ these days…
Rachel: I know I had it this morning, and I know I had it when I was in the kitchen with…
Chandler: …Dinah?
Rachel: (looks at the lasagna and realizes something) Ohhhhh, don’t be mad…
Monica: You didn’t.
Rachel: Oh, I am sorry…
Monica: I gave you one job! (Starts to examine the lasagna through the bottom of the glass pan.)
Rachel: Oh, but look how straight those noodles are!
Yeahhh, silly Rachel left her ring inside the lasagna! Poor Monica was forced last minute to make spaghetti, resulting in yet another fantastic Judy Gellar moment: “Oh, we’re having spaghetti. That’s…easy.” She is my hero. Anyway! We’re going to make lasagna, and then…you know…see what happens.
I enjoyed my cheesy hummus sauce that I made for The Joey Special so much that I wanted to do a similar white bean-based cheese sauce for the lasagna. I saw a few bloggers also using bean-based cheese in lasagna sauce lately, so I knew it could be done. Then, I baked eggplant and zucchini slices, sauteed onions, mushrooms, and garlic, and made/maybe-used-a-store-bought marinara sauce and layered it all together, as you do.
I enjoyed my cheesy hummus sauce that I made for The Joey Special so much that I wanted to do a similar white bean-based cheese sauce for the lasagna. I saw a few bloggers also using bean-based cheese in lasagna sauce lately, so I knew it could be done. Then, I baked eggplant and zucchini slices, sauteed onions, mushrooms, and garlic, and made/maybe-used-a-store-bought marinara sauce and layered it all together, as you do.
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SPINACH & WHITE BEAN
CHEESY SAUCE Ingredients:
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Cheesy white bean hummus sauce |
Directions:
- Blend all ingredients except the spinach in a blender until smooth
- Transfer to a mixing bowl with the spinach, and mix. Taste for salt and pepper.
Mushrooms have such shrinkage! |
For the baked vegetables:
For the sauteed mushrooms:
Saute the garlic and onion in a bit of olive oil over medium high heat for about 6 minutes. Add the mushrooms and cook until browning and all the water evaporates. |
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TO ASSEMBLE:
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Layering… 
Ooh ooh we’re layering… |
We’re gonna do some layering… 
Ohhhh we’re done with layering |
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This came out so well! My omnivorous dinnermates attacked it before I could even get a finished picture, and gave it a great review. I think I might make a bean-based cheese instead of a tofu-based one every time I make lasagna! When I finally got to cut my own piece I AHHH WHAT’S THIS OH NO WHAT HAPPENED I RUINED IT! Look what’s in there har har! |
Oops! Do ya see it!
GIVEAWAY TRIVIA!
- In another lasagna-themed “Friends” episode, why did Judy have to serve frozen lasagna at her party instead of what Monica made?
- What did Rachel learn when she did return the ring to her ex-fiance?
- What is your favorite Judy Gellar moment? Can you guess mine? (Haha that’s not fair but try!)
