Veganizing “Friends”: Three Kinds of Potatoes (& Mario’s tots!)

   My main theme for VeganMoFo 2013 is to veganize some of the dishes featured on one of my all-time favorite TV shows, “Friends”. As those of you not living under rocks should know, Monica was a professional chef, so we have some interesting & fancy dishes coming up in the next few weeks. However, I had to start  not with one of Monica’s amazing creations, but with perhaps the most famous dish of the ten years of the series’ run…and perhaps the most famous TV dish of all time (yes I went there): Rachel’s English Trifle, or the Thanksgiving Cockup. 

If you aren’t familiar with it, watch this: 

 Yup, this is what we’re making. I KNOW! At first, I considered making the Shepherd’s Pie portion out of dessert-type foods that could just resemble beef sauteed with peas and onions. Cacao nibs in sweet cream with little green candies, crushed chocolate cookies with chopped mint leaves in a chocolate sauce, and more were among my ideas for how I could chicken out of this. But I realized of course that I just HAD to go all out. (Also, when I ran the idea by some friends, they were adamant that I do it the gross way. My friends are smart.) Otherwise, what’s the point? What’s the point of making delicious custard and cake if you can’t destroy it with faux beef with peas and force your family to eat it? 

     So here we go. We’re in this together now. (Except of course I’m the one who has to eat it.) 

First, I made the custard. I roughly used the cream recipe from the Banana Cream Pie recipe in Vegan Pie in the Sky. I boiled a mix of almond milk and agar, then more almond milk and cornstarch, and then sugar (half turbinado half powdered). Then I blended it with silken tofu, coconut oil, and vanilla. It didn’t thicken as it should have, but luckily I made it yesterday, and a day in the fridge helped it set. You can make any kind of vanilla cream or custard you want.

I also made a small batch of vanilla cream frosting for the top layer. This is going to be awesome.

Oh right, you’re here for the beef part. I sauteed a handful or two of red onion in a bit of olive oil with some frozen peas, and added in Gardein beef cubes. It would be nice on its own…but that’s not what we’re here for.

For the two layers of ladyfingers, I decided to make a denser vanilla cake than usual, and then break it into small square pieces in the trifle. I just winged a recipe, and it actually turned out really well. I’m learning! 

The actual dish calls for jam and raspberries, but I only had fresh strawberries on hand, so I used strawberry jam to complement it. You can use whatever combination of berries and jam that you want. (Wait, are you actually going to make this?)

COMPONENTS

• 1 batch vanilla custard or cream of choice
• 1 batch vanilla frosting 
• 2 vanilla layer cakes
• 1 C berries
• 1/2 C jam
• 1 (small) batch faux beef cubes sauteed with peas & onions

Cake recipe

DRY INGREDIENTS:

• 2C flour
• 1C sugar
• 1T cornstarch
• 2t baking powder
• 1/2t salt

WET INGREDIENTS:

• 1C milk
• 2t apple cider vinegar
• 1/3C canola oil

Directions: Preheat oven to 350.
Let the milk and ACV curdle in a measuring cup for 5 minutes.

Mix together in a large bowl all dry ingredients.
Add the oil to the milk/ACV mixture, then add that to the bowl of dry ingredients until mixed. Don’t try to overmix, but if you do it’s NBD because we’re going for denser cake.

Bake for about 25 minutes, until the toothpick test works. 
Once cooled, cut into small squares.

FOR THE VANILLA FROSTING:
INGREDIENTS: 

• 3C confectioners sugar
• 1/2C Earth Balance butter (or margarine of choice)
• 1/2C Earth Balance coconut spread (to balance the flavor)
• 2t vanilla extract

Directions: Mix all ingredients with hand blender until they become frosting. 

FOR LABOEUF (NOT SHIA):

• 1C Gardein beef cubes
• 1t olive oil
• 1/2 small onion
• handful frozen peas

Directions: You know how to do this, you just don’t want to.

NOW LET’S GET TO LAYERING THIS BITCH!

1. Put down a layer of the cake squares
2. Cover that layer with your jam of choice
3. Then, spread down most of your homemade custard
4. Top the custard with your berries, and more custard if you want
5. ADD YOUR MEAT AND PEAS YO
6. Top with more custard, more jam if you want (Joey would be happy with that improvement), then the vanilla frosting, and bananas
7. VOILA!

Let’s see all that in action:

 THIS WAS SO GROSS. I forced myself to eat a piece, obviously, and I’m so nauseous. The things I do in the name of MoFo! I couldn’t force my family to try it though. I couldn’t even successfully explain to my mom why I was adding beef to the beautiful and otherwise delicious dessert. I said, “Don’t you remember the ‘Friends’ episode when Rachel makes the trifle and messes it up?” And she said, “Yeah I remember.” And I said, “I’m doing that! For MoFo! It’s my theme to make stuff from “Friends”. And she said, “Okay…I don’t get it.” Sigh. I hope you guys do, because if ate this shite for no reason I’ma cry. (No, I’d probably vomit first, because that might happen anyway.)

You bastards want proof that I ate this, don’t you!!! As if my nausea isn’t enough, my Elphaba-like face color. Fine! Here you go. This picture is the piece I ate FOR YOU. You’re welcome. So anyway, how do you wanna pay me?* (Your line: Is this a service you’re providing me?!) (NB: guess the source of this line and gimme some deets and you get Giveaway Points! Alternatively, just say something awesome. Do both, and like crazy things could happen to both of us.) 

I still can’t believe I successfully constructed and ate the famous English Trifle/Shepherd’s Pie. Could I BE any more like Rachel Green?

fellow mofoers – you might realize that all your amazing comments are gone. lost in the transfer from weebly 🙁 but as of now you can see them here! https://laughfrodisiac.weebly.com/my-own-creations/veganmofo-veganizing-friends-rachels-english-trifle