That Time I Finally Went to Vegan Treats (Mecca)by Randi / September 22, 2013
Tonight, Ross is getting his lumps. Phoebe is getting her peas and onions. And Mario is getting his tots*. Confused? Don’t be! We’re having three kinds of potatoes! People are needy about their potatoes! But it’s going to be awesome! In continuing this VeganMoFo theme of veganizing food made on “Friends”, we’re looking at the first ever Thanksgiving episode, “The One Where Underdog Gets Away.” The “Friends” Thanksgiving episodes are usually stellar, and this early installment is no different. Monica is in charge of her first Thanksgiving dinner, and all the Friends are pretty ignorant of how hard she is working. They all make personal requests – Chandler needs his tomato soup and grilled cheese*, Ross needs mashed potatoes with lumps, Phoebe needs her potatoes whipped and with peas and onions, and Joey needs his potatoes in tot form. (Joey is wise.)
Joey: Hey, Monica, I got a question. I don’t see any tater tots.
Monica: That’s not a question.
Joey: But my mom always makes them. It’s like a tradition. You get a little piece of turkey on your fork, a little cranberry sauce, and a tot! It’s bad enough I can’t be with my family because of my disease.
Monica: All right, fine. Tonight’s potatoes will be both mashed with lumps, and in the form of tots.
Monica: What, Phoebe, did you whip the potatoes? Ross needs lumps!
Phoebe: Oh, I’m sorry, oh, I just, I thought we could have them whipped and then add some peas and onions.
Monica: Why would we do that?
Phoebe: Well, ’cause then they’d be like my mom used to make them, you know, before she died.
Monica: Ok, three kinds of potatoes coming up.
Of course, Monica complies with these requests. But she kind of freaks out about how much stress she’s under. Watch the below, from 7:30 to 8:01.
Poor little Harmonica! And poor little burnt potatoes! Let’s get started cooking, and let’s not burn anything. This is all relatively simple, so we’re not going to give real recipe directions. You’ll be able to do it, I promise.
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POTATOES WITH LUMPS – ROSS
First, we’ll make Ross’s potatoes, with lumps. Get about 3-4 pounds of potatoes. I really like cooking with a bag of mixed colors, it’s so cheerful! Boil the potatoes until soft, then drain. Add half of those potatoes back into the pot, and add salt, pepper, olive oil or butter, a dash of unsweetened plain almond milk, and mash! Careful – do not overmash, because we need to keep some lumps in there! POTATOES WITH PEAS & ONIONS – PHOEBE Next, chop up an onion and saute it over medium heat in a bit of olive oil in a saucepan. You know how do to this! I believe in you! After about 5 minutes, add in about 1/2C frozen peas, and cook for about 5 more minutes. TOTS – JOEY’S I’m still really beat from my weekend, and from my full week now of being sick, so we’re going to use frozen tots instead of making them from scratch. I bet Trader Joe’s fantastic frozen (and vegan-marked) tots would still trump anything I tried from scratch. They cook really well, for about 20 minutes in a 400° oven. I let them cook an extra 10 minutes because crispy Tots are the work of heaven. |
Purdy taters! 
Am I always sauteing peas and onions? 
Just like Lily would make 
Gotta have my tots, man |
So, there you have it! Potatoes with lumps for Ross, tots for Joey, and whipped potatoes with peas and onions for Phoebe. If I had to pick and make just one for Thanksgiving, it would probably be Ross’s. You want a little texture with your mash, right? Phoebe’s are nice too, but other guests would probably be like ‘What’s in my potatoes? Difference, no!” However, for any other dinner, occasion, holiday, lunch, day of the week, whatever, Joey is right in this instance. Tots man!
Giveaway trivia:
1. Why does Monica refer to Joey as ‘Mario’?!
2. Why does Chandler not eat Thanksgiving food? (Hint: Even if you don’t know ‘Friends’, you’d know this if you’ve been reading these posts!)
3. Why does Monica’s big dinner burn?
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Berlin Food Guide: Eat Like A Hobbit And You Shall Be Rewarded
Let’s continue Berlin week with the general food guide! The unbelievable plethora of vegan food was the most surprising and enjoyable part of Berlin. We also have several amazing restaurant and special store spotlights coming.
I realize that my travel guides always tend to suggest that you eat like a hobbit (constantly/tremendously/gluttonously), but I really mean it this time. Like super mean it. Berlin is the most vegan-friendly European city. I’m pretty sure it’s the most vegan-friendly non-American city, actually. If you disagree, please buy me a ticket to your city of choice and I’ll let you know.
I realize that my travel guides always tend to suggest that you eat like a hobbit (constantly/tremendously/gluttonously), but I really mean it this time. Like super mean it. Berlin is the most vegan-friendly European city. I’m pretty sure it’s the most vegan-friendly non-American city, actually. If you disagree, please buy me a ticket to your city of choice and I’ll let you know.
Curry #1 at FBI
EATERY FBI
Anyway! My first food stop was an urgent, unplanned curry meal at Eatery FBI, right near our hotel in Potsdamer Platz. I think it stands for Free Berlin Ich. Famous Bread Inhere. Federal Bosnian Intervention? The servers were very knowledgeable about what was vegan, and they spoke English of course. They also made a green smoothie that I got a few mornings! Score! The curry was decent for what was essentially fast food – comforting and it tasted good! I hate the word tasty but I would probably use it here if I could stomach it.
Anyway! My first food stop was an urgent, unplanned curry meal at Eatery FBI, right near our hotel in Potsdamer Platz. I think it stands for Free Berlin Ich. Famous Bread Inhere. Federal Bosnian Intervention? The servers were very knowledgeable about what was vegan, and they spoke English of course. They also made a green smoothie that I got a few mornings! Score! The curry was decent for what was essentially fast food – comforting and it tasted good! I hate the word tasty but I would probably use it here if I could stomach it.
Curry #2!
JIVAMUKTI CANTEEN
One of my favorite cafes was the Jivamukti Canteen in Mitte (central), inside the Jivamukti Yoga studio. Yes, just like Jivamukti in NYC! It’s a franchise! So nice! Cafes inside yoga studios typically sell the exact food I would want at any given time. It’s always plain, fresh, arguably healthy, and yummy but veering towards bland, in the best way possible. Like Prasad in Portland with its lovely bowls and soups. Perfection. Anyway, we shared several dishes. The best was the potato salad, because it wasn’t that disgusting mayonnaise-covered crap that you know as potato salad. It was just lightly dressed potatoes, peppers, cucumber, celery, and herbs in a little mason jar!
Jivamukti’s potato salad I had a tofu sandwich that, while it sounds like the shittiest thing ever, was great. I mostly credit the spectacular, sturdy, chewy baguette that raised the sandwich to a higher level. Bread is so important. The tofu slices were yummy too, fresh and flavored and so much better than ready-made vegan lunchmeat blech ach. It had a bit of mustardy spread, tomatoes, and other salad fixings on it and it was so good!
We also tried a…this. What’s it called? It’s a fried gooey cheesy and spinach pastry. It was good but not my typical yoga studio fare; it’s a little too fried and oily for my taste. 
Is this just a savory danish? Are they German? I’m lost. |
Potatoes and sandwich at the Jiva 
My sandwich??? MY SANDWICH??????!!!!!!!! 
All kinds of drinks |
Of course I also had a green juice. I chose the one called Green Machine, with cucumber, celery, fennel, kale, lemon, and apple. It was delicious AND there was very little pulp left at the bottom. Seriously, professional juice-selling people need to work on this across the board. Anyway, juice good. We also tried a raw brownie and it was definitely on the higher end of the very very short range of how raw brownies can taste (i.e. they are all pretty much the same).
Yummeeeeeeeeee
MOMOS DUMPLINGS
Momos is a little place selling freshly steamed Nepalese dumplings. They’re more like ravioli than the Chinese or Japanese dumplings you or I might expect, in that there is less doughy part. Despite the slightly lower carb level, the taste was pretty good, with strong curries and spices coming through. I prefer less spicy dumplings, but if you are a fan of strong curry flavors or, of course, Nepalese dumplings, then you’ll like this place. I just had a steamed bun yesterday, so right now I’m like give me all the big puffy balls of dough and so a little biased in my memory. The vegan options are clearly marked (and the majority of options are vegan). You can get your dumplings pan-fried or steamed, and you can choose small (8 momos), medium (14 momos), or large (18 momos), with 1-3 dips. We got a small because this was second lunchies, and we got the mitho sauce, which is another strong curry-like tomato dip. It was a little too much of the same flavors so I’d suggest a different dip.
Momos is a little place selling freshly steamed Nepalese dumplings. They’re more like ravioli than the Chinese or Japanese dumplings you or I might expect, in that there is less doughy part. Despite the slightly lower carb level, the taste was pretty good, with strong curries and spices coming through. I prefer less spicy dumplings, but if you are a fan of strong curry flavors or, of course, Nepalese dumplings, then you’ll like this place. I just had a steamed bun yesterday, so right now I’m like give me all the big puffy balls of dough and so a little biased in my memory. The vegan options are clearly marked (and the majority of options are vegan). You can get your dumplings pan-fried or steamed, and you can choose small (8 momos), medium (14 momos), or large (18 momos), with 1-3 dips. We got a small because this was second lunchies, and we got the mitho sauce, which is another strong curry-like tomato dip. It was a little too much of the same flavors so I’d suggest a different dip.
VONER
My pick for what place out of Berlin should be franchised internationally in every major city is Vöner, the VEGAN DONER restaurant in the Friedrichshain neighborhood. That’s right, not only does it have the cutest sign ever but it is vegan doner. Like doner kebab, you know that disgusting slab of hanging meat that sellers shave off and wrap up in pita for? But it’s all vegan! They have burgers, fish & chips, all manner of vegan doner, and even Berlin’s very well known fave currywurst (which we will recreate later this week!). Definitely get the vöner. I got it as a platter but I wish I got it in the pita because I love bread. Still, the vöner was so awesome!! The chips were good, the tahini sauce was solid, and it had a little bit of Israeli salad (I wonder what it’s called here?). But the seitan vöner was amazing! I love this place so much! I would go every week if I lived there.
My pick for what place out of Berlin should be franchised internationally in every major city is Vöner, the VEGAN DONER restaurant in the Friedrichshain neighborhood. That’s right, not only does it have the cutest sign ever but it is vegan doner. Like doner kebab, you know that disgusting slab of hanging meat that sellers shave off and wrap up in pita for? But it’s all vegan! They have burgers, fish & chips, all manner of vegan doner, and even Berlin’s very well known fave currywurst (which we will recreate later this week!). Definitely get the vöner. I got it as a platter but I wish I got it in the pita because I love bread. Still, the vöner was so awesome!! The chips were good, the tahini sauce was solid, and it had a little bit of Israeli salad (I wonder what it’s called here?). But the seitan vöner was amazing! I love this place so much! I would go every week if I lived there.
Vöner platter
We also tried a platter of the currywurst, which is a take on Berlin’s favorite local food, a curry-besauced sausage sold in trucks on every single corner. I loved the seitan in both platters; it was so well done. But the curry sauce is so weird! Husband said it was pretty much how real currywurst is, so currywurst is just weird. (Yay let’s make it later!)
Vegan currywurst
OHLALA
My other absolute favorite place that I would go to every week (or maybe every day) if I lived there is Ohlala, billed as a ‘dessert restaurant’ but is really actually heaven. While they do have actual food there – we had a good quiche and a salad – the desserts steal the show, your hearts, everything that can be stolen.
My other absolute favorite place that I would go to every week (or maybe every day) if I lived there is Ohlala, billed as a ‘dessert restaurant’ but is really actually heaven. While they do have actual food there – we had a good quiche and a salad – the desserts steal the show, your hearts, everything that can be stolen.
Look at this stuff. Isn’t it neat? |
White hot chocolate that I tried. It was SO FREAKING GOOD. And I love the ballsiness of putting a hot beverage in a regular glass. |
First, the quiche:
Spinach quiche and salad at Ohlala!
The spinach quiche was pretty good! It was nothing to write home about but it was yummy. I remember the crust being kind of spongy, which was weird, because I’d expect the crust in a mostly dessert place to be perfectly crusty. The salad it came with was covered in a little too much dressing that was a little too mustardy, but I’m always happy to have fresh salad when traveling so overall I enjoyed my food here. But. What came next was a delight!
Whuuuuut.
This pyramid sonofabeach was a peanut butter-chocolate extravaganza of richness. I feel like this is the real gift the Egyptians meant to leave the Earth. Look at this bitch! It was so so good. This is the kind of thing it’s good to share because that dark chocolate can really do some gluttony inhibiting. Man alive this was decadent.
Rich chocolate cake
Next, we tried the dark chocolate sponge cake. The texture was perfect but I prefer things a little sweeter? I think? Maybe it wasn’t so much unsweet as just a little hard to read. Like the chocolate wasn’t coming through enough for me. It needed a pinch of salt maybe to make that happen. If you prefer your chocolate cake more subtle and deep, this one is for you. My favorite part was the whipped cream.
But, if you do happen to be going to Ohlala, none of the above matters, because you can get this freaktastic work of all the genies in the atmosphere:
The Tresor. IT’S A FREAKING INTERNATIONAL TREASURE! THIS IS WHAT THOSE STUPID NICHOLAS CAGE MOVIES SHOULD HAVE BEEN ABOUT! I’M JUST KIDDING THOSE MOVIES ARE NOT STUPID THEY ARE AMAZING!
LOOK AT THAT SONOFABITCH! AHHHHHHH!!! I still can’t believe I was lucky enough to eat this mofo. This is a chocolate hazelnut freaking work of ART. That light chocolate mousse on the outside is absolutely perfect in taste and texture, and it’s coated with crushed crunchy nuts. But it houses SUCH SECRETS you can’t even BELIEVE! So much so that in the previous sentence I first wrote ‘secrest’ and almost didn’t change it because it might as well have housed Ryan Seacrest in there for how surprising and amazing this is. Except it’s SO MUCH BETTER THAN RYAN SEACREST IS THERE? Ok, are you ready? It’s like this chocolate ganache and when you get to the center, A FLOOD OF CARAMELLY CHOCOLATEY LAVA POURS OUT OF THE MIDDLE. And THEN THERE IS A HAZELNUT. I CAN’T STOP YELLING IN MY HEAD. This is definitely one of the five most incredible outstanding things I have ever, ever eaten, anywhere. Go get one now.
I don’t know how we move on from there, but move on we must. Moving on…
DOLORES BURRITOS
I would say that Dolores is another place I’d go to all the time if I lived near it, but I pretty much already do, because it’s just like a Chipotle. Not that I necessarily live super close to a Chipotle anymore, but there are some in London and I’m near a Chilango and apparently that is close enough to. ANYWAY the point is, very good, solid burrito place with clearly marked vegan options. Yay!
BURRITO ROCKET |
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QIU RESTAURANT in the Mandala Hotel
On our last night in Berlin, we were so beat and realized so late that we were hungry, so we checked out the restaurant in the hotel. Not the super fancy one that had two Michelin stars, because that was booked for quite some time, but the little sister restaurant Qiu, which still seemed way too fancy to cater to veganism. Also, this little piece of amazingness was on the menu (and I’m still laughing at the wording):
On our last night in Berlin, we were so beat and realized so late that we were hungry, so we checked out the restaurant in the hotel. Not the super fancy one that had two Michelin stars, because that was booked for quite some time, but the little sister restaurant Qiu, which still seemed way too fancy to cater to veganism. Also, this little piece of amazingness was on the menu (and I’m still laughing at the wording):
Lolol
However, the super friendly waiter helped make an actually great meal for me! Yes, it was a take on pasta primavera, so I hear all of you groaning in response to this too-frequent too-easy offer from like every single restaurant in their shitty attempts to accommodate vegans, but this was delicious! He also worked together a great salad for me.
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So, this is just to tell you that if you stay at the Mandala Hotel, or find yourself in Potsdamer Platz late at night and don’t know what to do, you can eat well at Qiu.
ICE CREAM – EISSALON TANNE B & CARAMELLO
Last but certainly not least: ice cream! Berlin, like every European city, loves its ice cream a sumbitch. There are salons (with the emphasis on the first syllable obvs) everywhere, and so many have vegan options. And most of you know my deep, deep hatred for places that only offer vegan fruit sorbets. TRY A LITTLE HARDER PEOPLE. I want chocolate or something awesome and non-fruit. I eat fruit for breakfast! Luckily, the SALons in Berlin offer wonderful non-cheater vegan options. My favorite was Eissalon Tanne B, in Kreuzberg. Get it? Eissalon= ice salon? Love it. I had absolutely wonderful chocolate and cherry.
This ice cream was positively delightful! The cherry wasn’t sorbet but legit ice cream, so it wasn’t cheating, and the chocolate was so delicious! No So Delicious the brand but sooo delicious nonetheless. And the cones were vegan! Yayyy!
We also found vegan treats at Caramello in Friedrichshain. Friedrichshain, by the way, is like a small Brooklyn in terms of vegan-friendliness by density. Even the non-food shoppes were vegan-friendly (tattoos mostly). 
THESE ARE NOT MY HANDS! |
Eissalon Tanne B 
Caramello I don’t know whose chocolate + red fruit-flavored ice creams were better! Yummy!
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So, as you can see, Berlin is a vegan paradise! This doesn’t even cover the bigger restaurants we enjoyed; they will come later this week. Please let me know if any of my recommendations work out for you! I want to see pictures of inside the Tresor! I know I took some but I can’t find them! Also, what are your favorite places in Berlin?
Celebrate Good(?) Times Come On: Babka for Yom Kippur
My piece!
Yom Kippur, or the Day of Atonement, is the most sacred and important of all the Jewish holidays. You fast from sundown to sundown (so, a day) and pray, repent, atone, and hope that your past sins are forgiven. And then, if you are like 99% of Jews, you and your relatives break the fast with a smoked fish and lox platter from the local Jewish deli. So, to recap what we’ve learned the past few weeks, Rosh Hashanah:apples::Yom Kippur:bagels.
The bagel part is fine, but the huge platter of fish, not so much. I’ll usually make a hummus or two to add to the mix, and some kind of dessert. This year, I decided to up my game in the dessert area and finally make a recipe I’ve literally had saved for 3 years – VeganDad’s chocolate cinnamon babka. I mean, you don’t get any more Jewish than babka. Why haven’t I made this until now, I wondered? Everyone loves a babka! And chocolate and cinnamon combines the best types. Remember when Jerry & Elaine lost the famous chocolate babka?
The bagel part is fine, but the huge platter of fish, not so much. I’ll usually make a hummus or two to add to the mix, and some kind of dessert. This year, I decided to up my game in the dessert area and finally make a recipe I’ve literally had saved for 3 years – VeganDad’s chocolate cinnamon babka. I mean, you don’t get any more Jewish than babka. Why haven’t I made this until now, I wondered? Everyone loves a babka! And chocolate and cinnamon combines the best types. Remember when Jerry & Elaine lost the famous chocolate babka?
Poor customers of that bakery, having to choose between chocolate and cinnamon. As Joey Tribbiani, my usual source of inspiration, would say, “Put those hands together!”* Let’s do it!
Yeahh this yeast is jumping now!
Then I creamed sugar and Earth Balance (which I didn’t really measure; I just spooned it 6 times and figured it was close to 6 tablespoons), added yogurt, vanilla, the yeast, and then the flour. So, the recipe calls for 15 oz. of flour, which is basically 2 cups, right? I had to use nearly 5 cups and it was still sticky. With only 15 oz., it was pretty liquidy. Maybe I did something wrong, we’ll see. This is all very dramatic.
Then I kneaded kneaded kneeeeaded, ‘cleaned’ the mixing bowl, oiled it, and dropped the ball o’ dough in there. It says to let it sit, covered, for 2 hours, but I was out for 4. I returned to find it puffing nicely in the bowl. 
The best stuff on earth
So, next you roll this up length-wise, as tightly as you can. This is where I not only had trouble but didn’t read the instructions properly. I rolled pretty well (it’s a lot of dough here), but then you are supposed to cut it in half length-wise. Like, exposing chocolate. I cut it in half width-wise, creating two little stumpy arms. Oh well, it’ll taste the same (if you close your eyes*) no matter how you do it.
My stumpy twist
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I strayed from the recipe somewhat, as I am wont to do, so I’ll splain what I did. I started by warming up some almond milk and adding the yeast. (The recipe calls for 2T of instant yeast, but I had only the packets that are like 2 1/4 t or something. Whatever…we’ll see what happens.) But it didn’t get foamy! I was freaking out. Was it because I used almond milk instead of soy, as the directions said? Was it because my milk was unsweetened? Ahhh! Being somewhat yeast-fearing, I threw it out and started again. This time, I used warm water instead. I have only ever testfoamed yeast + water + sugar, so I stuck with what I know, and it properly Hulked out.
Punch punch punch!
Next, I made the filling. You melt chocolate, margarine, and cinnamon together, then spread it on a parchment paper-lined baking sheet and stick it in the fridge till firm. Once it is firm, roll out your dough into a big rectangle, like 2 feet long, a foot and a 1/2 wide, something like that, then place the chocolate layer right on top, in as many pieces as it takes.
Chocolate layer on top of the rolled-out dough
Rolling with the homies
So, because I did it wrong, my roll was short & stout like a teapot. But I kind of preferred it this way. Can you imagine how long it would have been the right way? And this way is more fun to pull apart.
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So, once you twist it, you let it sit and rise again for like 1.5 hours. I knowww. It’s probably worth it though. Important yeasting action happening. You probably want real directions, huh? (I’ll use what I did.)
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INGREDIENTS:
Dough:
Filling:
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DIRECTIONS:
Filling:
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ASSEMBLY:
Roll out your dough into a rectangle, about 2′ x 1.5′. Place the chocolate layer right on top of the dough, finagling to cover the whole square. Then, tightly roll the dough lengthwise. Then, cut it in half lengthwise – so the chocolate insides are exposed. And then twist the two halves together. Let this twist sit for 1.5 hours on a parchment-covered baking sheet. Then, bake for 25 minutes at 350°.
Yes, I am recommending that you cut it lengthwise, and not stumpily like I did. My outside browned really nicely, but it was still nearly raw inside. So, that’s the whole point of the long skinny cut – easier baking. I mean, when my version puffed up into a freaking cube, I knew the inside couldn’t be cooked.
Roll out your dough into a rectangle, about 2′ x 1.5′. Place the chocolate layer right on top of the dough, finagling to cover the whole square. Then, tightly roll the dough lengthwise. Then, cut it in half lengthwise – so the chocolate insides are exposed. And then twist the two halves together. Let this twist sit for 1.5 hours on a parchment-covered baking sheet. Then, bake for 25 minutes at 350°.
Yes, I am recommending that you cut it lengthwise, and not stumpily like I did. My outside browned really nicely, but it was still nearly raw inside. So, that’s the whole point of the long skinny cut – easier baking. I mean, when my version puffed up into a freaking cube, I knew the inside couldn’t be cooked.
That’s a huge bitch
It’s pretty great looking though. And yeah, it is DELICIOUS. I definitely recommend making it. But you’ll have an easier time if you cut it long-ways, and not how I did. I mean, this thing is never going to be done cooking. It is bigger than me. But it’s yummy!
*Remember, guess the source/comment on the things that are starred and you will be entered into my big MoFo giveaway! Details tomorrow!
From this post: What was Joey referring to when he said ‘Put those hands together’? And what is the source of the lyrics above the stumpy twist picture?
