Veganizing “Friends”: The Joey Special!!!

    The Saga of the Massive Hubbard Squash is just about over! We have (had, I mean this was like 3 weeks ago) just about 2 cups of baked squash cubes left, enough for one last hurrah, after we made delicious bean stew and great squash muffins. I am almost sad to say goodbye to this monster. #StockholmSyndrome.
     I was craving cinnamon rolls, and I didn’t have the motivation to make anything else, so into the buns they went! Are they rolls or buns? Someone please tell me. Anyway, I used to be scared of baking with yeast because ew it’s alive and it makes things grow and we’re vegans and shouldn’t be eating things that grow as you make it…but then I remembered that my love of playing with my food outweighs my fear of weird things, so I gave it a try, loved it, and now I’m like the yeastmaster. Worst name ever. But these rollbuns are fantastic! Let’s learn how to make them!

      These are very much like pumpkin rolls, so if you don’t have a monster squash around, you can substitute pumpkin or other wintry squash. The squash provides moisture in the bread and lovely, comforting flavor in the filling. 

          CAUTION.
NB that using the Hubbard Squash somehow breaks the laws of nature, because the normal amount of flour that should have sufficed ended up being nowhere near enough. After mixing the liquid ingredients together, I added the flour, la di da, things are fine, but then the mixture was still way too wet, no matter how much extra flour I added. It was the Squash Monster! It kept absorbing flour like it was me drinking water and it wouldn’t stop and everything got dark and fuzzy and I ran out of flour and had to make oat flour but the Squash Monster (Squashster?) just wouldn’t be satisfied until it had destroyed ALL OF THE POSSIBLE FLOURS I had in my house. I even had to throw in some quinoa flour just to mess with its head. Finally, with both of us exhausted but only me still hungry, Squashster dried up a little, enough for me to actually roll out the dough, which was yet another hurdle to overcome considering I had no flour left to flour the rolling surface. Man alive. All of this is just to warn you that this could happen, so buy extra flour. The rolls were fantastic, so don’t be skeered. Also, I’m sure it was just me.

          THESE ARE SO GOOD YOU HAVE TO MAKE THESE! I brought them to work and people loved them. I bring goodies to work somewhat frequently, and usually only the people I run into give me comments. With these, however, people actually sought me out to tell me how good they were. So, you know, you gotta make them. Enjoy! 

When I last lived in Philadelphia, I lived in the Rittenhouse Square area, right near the big (only?) Barnes and Noble on the corner of 18th and Walnut. Literally the day after I ended my lease, HipCityVeg, a super cool vegan ‘healthy but fun food’ joint, opened across the street from my old apartment. They had burgers, wraps, fries, shakes, all really fantastic too. (Of course their management is questionable at best but this isn’t a post about them.) So of course, of COURSE, I have to tell you that I used to live on Commercial Street, right outside Spitalfields market, right across the street from As Nature Intended, the organic shoppe. And lo, what has opened up right on that block recently? A super cool vegan ‘healthy but fun food’ joint, what else? Let me know if you’re looking to open up a similar place and I’ll tell you when I move from my current house, since I guess that’s the game the universe has chosen for me. Genesis, this newest addition to London’s vegan, organic, swanky, instagram-friendly restaurant scene, is a great addition to the neighborhood, but it’s a good thing I don’t live as close to it anymore, because it’s way too expensive. 

Definitely the best decorated new place I’ve seen in a while, Genesis nails that chic fancy-casual (it’s a thing) vibe that Spitalfields and Shoreditch embrace more and more. Even the food market inside Spitalfields, once just shaky frames that would get taken down every evening, is now mainly composed of permanent counters that give the impression of easy street food but are upscale and expensive. Genesis is all cool, bright, and pink upstairs, with neon lights and fun artwork and signs advertising their choice to cook everything in avocado oil (supposedly healthier, probably more expensive). It feels like it could be an ’80s throwback, but also with ’70s New Mexico decor? It’s cute and fun. OH the only bad thing is – sometimes there is incense burning near the counter where you order, and where some diners will eat. That is like Restaurant 101, to never have strong smells competing with the food smells, especially near (or at!!) seats where it’ll interfere with people’s ability to taste the food. Did you never watch the Top Chef episode where the judges berate the team who puts scented candles on the tables? (One of three episodes I have seen.) Downstairs is dark, crowded, and feels like a late-night joint even earlier in the day (and where decent pictures are impossible). I have now eaten upstairs, downstairs, and via takeaway, so I am equipped to pass my judgment. 

The menu, the giant gorgeous menu above, is probably the greatest sounding ever. I can’t remember any place I’ve ever been more excited about after looking at the menu. It is BALLER. Everything sounds amazing. Whoever created it really did a fantastic job. It’s random, with burgers and hot dogs and also laksa? and Indian food? but you get the worldly joyous feel they were going for. 

Execution of the food is not as fantastic. It’s fine, don’t get me wrong, and some things are great. But nothing is so incredible that it warrants how expensive it is. Let’s take a look. 

Let’s start with the apps and sides. The small plates, if you will, although most things here would fit that description. When I was there with a party of three, we ordered the nachos and the cheese sticks to start. I mean, guys, look at these portions. I could have housed both of these myself and still had room for my main. The bowl for the nachos is what most restaurants would serve a cup of soup in. Not even a bowl of soup! A cup! They were pretty good, but they needed more toppings to make it more ‘nacho’ and less ‘tortilla chips with some sprinkles’. Good, not great; small, not large. The nacho cupasoup bowl is £9.50!!! That is essentially 10 pounds for a handful of chips, a literal tablespoon of guacamole, and some peppers. I could make my own nacho trough for that price, and that’s expecting that I’d have to go through five or so avocados before finding a good one, LONDON.

But that was fine and whatever compared to the cheese sticks. Guys, do you see the cheese sticks? First of all, they were AMAZING. So delicious, so impressive – they found that right texture between solid and creamy that few purveyors of vegan mozzarella et al. cheese sticks have been able to. But that’s the full portion – three. And at least on my computer, the picture is true to actual size. They were about the size of my pinky finger, no longer or wider. And there were JUST THREE. And it cost £5.95! That’s a motherforking £2 PER PINKY. I didn’t realize how expensive they were because I didn’t pay for them but MAN ALIVE. I really liked them too. 

The tacos are the best part of Genesis, I think, because even though one taco is £5 and that is ridiculous, that’s also about market rate for vegan tacos in London, at least compared with the queen of all vegan Mexican food, Club Mexicana. So fine. And the tacos here are really good. I’ve tried the smoked chorizo, with tomatillo salsa, potatoes, and pico de gallo; the fried avocado taco, with refried beans, pico de gallo, and sour cream; and the jackfruit hoisin, with jackfruit ‘duck’, hoisin mayo, cucumber and spring onion, and they were all RG. The fried avocado I’d say is my favorite, and then the jackfruit duck. Their duck piece was more solid than jackfruit usually is, which I liked. So, solid taco game, Genesis! 

The next up of the small plates, maybe we’ll call them the Mindy St. Claire Medium Plates, if you will, do not fare as well. Nothing is bad, as I said above, but some things aren’t executed as well as others, especially for the price. 

I’d been waiting a while to try the kamut mac & cheese, because they can’t do it to go, something about how it’s cooked in its wee pot. So we got it on our third trip, and while it was fine, it was kind of bland. And I love bland food. Also, this little ramekin is tiny. Given the trend so far, I’m sure it’s exactly what you’d expect here for £6.50, but in a regular place for that price I’d expect double the portion. 

My most disappointing dish was the kale caesar salad. You know I love salad, like weirdly all the time love it and I even put regular food on top of salad often, so it’s no surprise I ordered this on my first visit. They offer two sizes for their salads, and I got the large. Or so I thought. Does this look like the large? I shudder to imagine what they serve the small size in, Dixie cups?? The perspective in the picture is a little off for comparing, but the salad bowl was about the same size as a taco, and about as deep too. The lettuce and kale were in too-big pieces, making it super awkward to eat. They definitely need to cut the leaves smaller. But at least it allows you to see how small the portion was – I mean you can count the total number of leaves in the bowl. It’s about 10. I can’t really believe that this is actually the large size, so I’m going to give them the benefit of the doubt that there was a mistake and this was the small, because for £12, Ima need more than 10 leaves. 

The bigger dishes are much more satisfying, both in terms of value and taste. My favorite is the sabich, mainly because you get two. It’s little Israeli pita sandwiches with aubergine, red onion, green tahini, cucumber, tomatoes, and the best little tofu egg scramble. The flavor here was wonderful and I really liked it. And for ​£7.95 it’s the best value in the whole place. Would recommend! 

Please excuse this picture of my takeaway, but it’s the torta Milanesa. And this is another one that’s pretty decent value and a great taste! Two in a row! I really enjoyed this super hearty, flavorful Mexican sandwich. Its base is panko-dipped aubergine slices, which were a little tough to bite without taking the entire slice out of the sandwich, so I’d recommend that they cut them into smaller pieces. But with the lettuce, avocado, chipotle mayo, salsa, onions, tomato, and coconut cheese,  it was a great flavor. It says there’s nopal cactus in there too which is awesome but I didn’t really notice it. Regardless, this is a great sandwich, and for £9.95 it’s a lot but decent for this restaurant.

We also tried one of the hot dogs. Honestly, the reason I recommend the hot dogs over the burgers is purely based on size. If you aren’t that hungry, then order a burger. They are tiny. They’re a little bit tall, but they are the circumference of sliders. Literally half the size of a Vurger burger (which is around the corner, and cheaper, just saying). But the hot dogs are well-sized. For about £11, they better be. This sauerkraut dog is the simplest of the hot dog offerings, but is solid. I know I’m criticizing a lot, but look at that plate, and imagine a burger about a 1/3 of the size of the hot dog (at best) all alone on that plate. It doesn’t take a lot to add something, even if it’s just a few pieces of lettuce and onion, on the side so it doesn’t look so lonely and depressing. 

Genesis has a banging dessert menu, including my favorite food in the world: soft-serve. I know. It’s really delicious but much richer than the typical cheap soft serve that I love out of those magical machines. I was told that it’s a mix of cashew and coconut, which accounts for the richness, and for the cost, I guess. It’s £3.95 for this little cup, which is okay I guess for London, typical, fine. But then each topping is another POUND. Man, at least make the little sprinkle of chocolate shavings 50p or something. A whole pound for a teaspoon of powder seems extravagant. I would have loved to have tried the soft serve with the chocolate sand (as pictured) and the honeycomb together, as a server recommended, but £6 for a little baby cup would have been too much. 

They also use the soft serve for their milkshakes, which are great, I must say. You know I rail on and on about how London can’t do good milkshakes because they are too thin. But Genesis does them pretty great. Although, again, for £7, jeez louise. 

So given its expensive location in the gentrified-beyond-recognition area of Spitalfields, and given that it has a decent number of (actually really nice) staff, and given that they use hundo p organic ingredients, I’m sure the prices are warranted to cover costs. It’s just that they could try a little to make it not seem like you’re getting ripped off. It doesn’t cost much in terms of time or effort to throw a basic af side salad on the plate with the sadly small burger, or throw some cheap fries next to the hot dog. And would it really cost them that much more to have another cheese stick or two in that order, considering at the moment it’s three little bits the size of mini gherkins??? I’m trying really hard to give them the benefit of the doubt regarding their price points, but the more I think about it, the more ridiculous it seems. I mean THREE CHEESE STICKS. For SIX POUNDS! That is 2 pounds per little fried mini Gherkin. As someone who has eaten her fair share of overpriced food, I can say with a fair deal of certainty that there’s nothing in a 1.5 inch piece of fried (delicious) goop worth 2 whole freaking pounds. 

But if you know what to order (the sabich, the torta) and what to skip (the cheese sticks, the salad! le sigh), then you can at least have great food for an okay value, at least given the area. And that way it doesn’t feel too excessive to get soft-serve too! I feel bad being so critical of this place because I really do like the food and I really really like the staff. And they have nice bathrooms! But most of the dishes are just so g-d overpriced. Given how much great vegan food is in the area, and for so much cheaper, I can’t really justify going here all that regularly. But if you are in London, you give it a try! And tell me I’m wrong! I’d love to be wrong.