How NOT to Make an Ice Cream Cake

I know, I’m going super big and bold with that title but you know what? It is 8 sleeps till Christmas and as ‘Love, Actually’ told us, “it’s Christmas, and at Christmas, you tell the truth” (there’s a lot of weird shit in that movie but that’s probably the strangest statement passed off as universal knowledge). And that’s the truth, babies! Club Mexicana, formerly at the Dalston bar Pamela and now at the Spread Eagle Pub in Hackney, is serving up the best vegan food of any restaurant in the city. That’s an incredible feat, considering it’s Mexican (or “Mexican-inspired”) food, a cuisine London just cannot do well (it’s understandable given how far we are from Mexico but still). But for Club Mexicana, every single dish is a stellar achievement. Everything we tried absolutely wowed us, and even though we were so full we wanted to shout for another round of everything. If this new location were closer to me (it’s a PITA) I’d be there every week.

Even though London is positively crammed full of vegan options, I find that vegan restaurants here are mostly fine, not great. The best food in town is always, always found at stalls in street market set-ups, which are plentiful. So it’s no surprise that Club Mexicana started as one of those food stalls, in the Camden market. They still maintain their street food cred with stalls here and there, but their residency at the Spread Eagle is the way to go. It’s a cool, quirky pub, with vintage jazzy decor and candlelight. Like I said, this new location is inconvenient for me and I wish they had some delivery system worked out, but alas, it will remain a super special option for when we feel like sitting on buses for hours. And honestly, it would be so worth it. 

We went recently when a friend was visiting and had simply the best meal in ages. Everything we ordered was sensational. My only issue was our table placement – we were right at the end of the bar, by the gap where servers had to continually go in and out of the bar area and where other customers would need to walk to enter the restaurant so we were jostled the entire time and it was tres annoying, . If you book in with them, request that you don’t get this table. I wanted to shout DON’T YOU KNOW WHO I AM but the situation on its face proved that the answer would be in the negative.

Other than that, it was the best. We started with nachos, as you have to do. When Club Mexicana first appeared on the scene and had one of their early pop-ups, I complained (of course I did) about how the nacho toppings, though fantastic, were stingy and left you with a basket of dry corn chips after not too long. Well, they kindly responded and instead of calling me out for complaining all the time, they said they would start putting all the good stuff on all the chip layers. That was almost four years ago! Obviously, they have the best nachos now, with great guacamole, red pepper queso, their signature pink onions, salsa, pickled jalapenos, sour cream, and chipotle chili oil. All I can do is quote the Hormone Monstress (see caption/watch “Big Mouth”).   

Next on the small plate list was chipotle roasted pumpkin wedges. I didn’t think these would be too special because I was like “I eat pumpkin and other wintry squashes all the time, what could you do to blow me away?” but of course I was wrong because these trickster pumpkin wedges were amazing. They were big and delicious and cooked perfectly so there was no toughness left but they still had shape, and the chive aioli was perfect. It could have possibly used more to life up the flavor more but still, so good. 

One of the most impressive Club Mexicana creations is their Mexican fried chicken wings, so we had to get an order. They have the perfect texture and the spicy fried coating is incredible. Served with salsa verde, sour cream, and hot sauce, this dish will make any dining companion a CM convert for life. I just wish the serving was bigger and that maybe the sour cream came in a separate container so there could be more for dipping. 

I also got to try the annato glazed chicken skewers. If you’re choosing between the wings and the skewers, I think I’d give the edge to the wings, but you know what, don’t choose! Order both like we did. The skewers come in the most incredible queso sauce that we found ourselves dipping everything else into. I realize now that I don’t have a picture of the skewers, which makes me wonder if I’m dreaming up the whole thing. 

The last of our small plates was the Al Pastor cauliflower, with charred pineapple, sour cream, and toasted cashews. The Al Pastor sandwich from Cinnamon Snail is one of my all-times, so it’s no surprise that this amazing flavor combo worked wonders on bites of fried cauliflower. Honestly cauliflower has no business being this good. 

Onto the mains! For the bigger plates, we chose to get combos of their three taco offerings. They offer the tacos 3 for 10$ (that’s pounddollars) so you really can’t say no to that! My favorie upon favorites is the Baja tofish. Their tofish is the stuff of legend, and for dern good reason. It really is the best vegan fish anything ever. Man alive it’s incredible. The tofish taco is served with pickled cabbage, salsa verde, sour cream, and pickled chilis and it’s just perfection. The other two tacos are strong as well: we tried the jackfruit barbacoa (beef style jackfruit in salsa roja, roasted padron peppers, salsa verde, and sour cream) and the chorizo & potato (with salsa verde, chipotle mayo, pico de gallo, and pickled jalapeno). All three are sensational, really, but I think next time I should stop fooling myself and just get three of the tofish. I’m kind of obsessed. 

You probably know by now that I’m weirdly obsessed with salad, and I try to force lettuce into most of my meals, so it should be no surprise that we (I) also ordered the autumn salad. It was a really big portion, great for sharing, and it was filled with roasted cauliflower, charred pumpkin, candied beetroot, mixed leaves, Mexican slaw, jalapeno-mango salsa, chive aioli, and toasted cashews. This was a fantastic salad, although it would benefit from cutting the leaves and the spiralized veggies into small, more manageable pieces. And it could have used more dressing, and more of a creamier one at that. But as salads go in places where your tablemates scoff at you for ordering a salad, this was among the better ones. 

No trip to Club Mexicana is complete without dessert. They proved they know what’s up back at Pamela with their Choco Taco offering, oh man. While that was missing from the Spread Eagle menu, they more than made up for it with the current dessert list: a lemon & blueberry taco stack, and deep fried ice cream. Now, listen. The ice cream is from Black Mylk, which is just the greatest vegan ice cream maker in London, nbd. So I was so stoked to be able to get their ice cream here and not just at their stall in weekend markets hither and thither. Because their ice cream is so good, I wanted it just plain, not fried. But the staff said they couldn’t do that because it’s already prepped with the frying mixture or whatever. I was kind of annoyed, but there was no reason to be, because as intended with the crunchy fried coating, it is unbelievably delicious. They offer the deep fried ice cream in three flavors: Mexican chili chocolate, toasted honeycomb, and black rice horchata. Since there were three of us, we got all three! They are all wonderful but I think the horchata is my favorite, followed by the honeycomb. You really can’t go wrong though. I bet you think that’s all we got for dessert, but we also decided to get the taco stack! It’s sweet fried corn tortillas separated with layers of whipped vanilla cream, lemon curd, and blueberry coulis. Fruit desserts are not my thing, but this was very good. While I’m more of a reserved positive about it, my two companions were blown away by it, so you should give it a try. The homemade lemon curd is really impressive, as is the whipped cream, which I could have eaten a whole bowl of. 

So clearly you have to get to the Spread Eagle asap for some incredible Mexican vegan food. You can’t go wrong with your order, but to be safe, order everything! It’s all so good. Just please bring me if you go.

CLUB MEXICANA AT THE SPREAD EAGLE PUB, LONDON
Water speed: Actually great! They brought carafes and kept them coming, THANK YOU!
Service: Mostly fine. 
Bathrooms: A step up from your typical pub bathroom, and a big improvement from Pamela. 
Food: SUH. BLIME. Actually great Mexican food in London!
Bonus:  We saw Kit Harington sitting nearby at the bar! We were so excited and stared a little too intently. Realized after several minutes of staring that it wasn’t him. BUT IT COULD HAVE BEEN. 

     As we’ve studied the eating habits of the Friends over the past few weeks, what is the most important lesson we’ve learned? JOEY DOESN’T SHARE FOOD. Correct! In “The One With The Birth Mother”, in one of my favorite Joey storylines, he dates a woman (Annie Parisse) who does silly things like order plain salads but mooch off of Joey’s dinner. I agree with Joey on this one: Order the food you want to eat! (As long as it’s vegan, obvs.) Anyway, Annie (let’s just call her Annie) doesn’t really understand that it’s weird to take food off of someone else’s plate, at least without asking first. The conflict comes to a hilarious climax with Joey’s seafood platter dinner. He thinks he’s successfully distracted her with extra fries (which he is willing to share), but no such luck:

HAHA Joey at the end of the above video is MY FAVORITE EVER. Anyway! So, as you heard, the following conversation occurred: 

Now, you’re probably thinking, “Hold on, woman. It says ‘stuffed clams’, not ‘fried clams.'” A few points:

1. See his seafood platter plate, with all those little fried somethings? They look clam-sized, not shrimp-sized. (I know you see the actual stuffed clam in the shell later, but he could have had clams a few ways!)
2. What do you think Joey would like better, something stuffed, or something fried? Correct.

So, we’re going to make fried clams. Much better idea, right? Who has food-grade seashells lying around? 

      I generally used the homemade seitan recipe from The PPK blog, because it’s great. I ripped the seitan pieces into long strips, and boiled it in broth with seaweed and dill thrown in. I didn’t have any kombu, so I used nori in the broth. If you have kombu, use that, because the nori isn’t meant for boiling and it disintegrated. Messy seaweed. You can see in the picture, it gets kind of weird. Kombu would impart a stronger flavor anyway. After the strips boiled, I breaded them and baked them. Let’s see!

      Now, with your sauces ready, your strips crunchy and baked (or fried if you are awesome), you can enjoy them on a plate, as Joey did in this episode. ORRR, you can honor Mr. Joseph Francis Tribbiani even more, and make a sandwich! Because what is Joey’s favorite food? Say it with me: Sandwiches!!!

    In sandwich form, I’d definitely recommend tartar sauce and whatever else fried-clams-on-rolls are usually served with up in New England. So good! These were overall really easy to make, and they turned out well. You can play with the breading mixture and add spices as you desire, perhaps some cayenne pepper, curry powder, or, if you are like me, more nooch. Yum! And, let’s say it all together now:

Giveaway trivia!

1. Joey’s favorite food is, of course, sandwiches. But what is his favorite kind of sandwich?
2. In Monica and Chandler’s storyline, they meet a woman at the adoption center who likes them. What does this woman think M & C do for a living?
3. Extra credit: What Pulitzer-prize winning show featured a fantastic Annie Parisse?