{"id":9738,"date":"2019-02-18T16:20:48","date_gmt":"2019-02-18T16:20:48","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/laughfrodisiac.com\/\/?p=9738"},"modified":"2019-04-23T14:08:16","modified_gmt":"2019-04-23T14:08:16","slug":"all-the-movies-you-need-to-know-this-awards-season","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/laughfrodisiac.com\/2019\/02\/18\/all-the-movies-you-need-to-know-this-awards-season\/","title":{"rendered":"All the Movies You Need to Know this Awards Season"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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It’s the most wonderful time of the year! Here we are in the height of award season, with the Oscars this Sunday, so before you go to your viewing parties where you dress up in your tuxen and your ballgowns (no?), let’s make sure you have a lot of talking points so you can impress everyone with your knowledge, since I bet only some of you have actually seen all the nominated films. Predictions and thoughts about the actual Oscars will come later this week, but right now we have to talk about all the important movies at length. This year’s crop of Important Films are a touch lackluster, with a whole bunch at a solid B level, maybe B+, but nothing that I’m like THIS IS THE GREAT FILM OF ALL TIME! Thinking on that, is there ever a year where the Best Picture-worthy film is actually that much of a standout? Discuss in the comments! In the meantime, clear your schedule, because to quote the man who should be hosting the ceremony Sunday, “Away…we…go!”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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A STAR IS BORN<\/a>
\u200bTHE BALLAD OF BUSTER SCRUGGS<\/a>
BLACKkkLANSMAN<\/a>
BLACK PANTHER<\/a>
BLINDSPOTTING<\/a>
BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY<\/a>
CAN YOU EVER FORGIVE ME?<\/a>
CRAZY RICH ASIANS<\/a>
DUMPLIN’<\/a>
THE FAVOURITE<\/a>
GREEN BOOK<\/a>
IF BEALE STREET COULD TALK<\/a>
JULIET, NAKED<\/a>
LIFE ITSELF<\/a>
MAMMA MIA: HERE WE GO AGAIN!<\/a>
MARY POPPINS RETURNS<\/a>
ROMA<\/a>
SET IT UP<\/a>
SORRY TO BOTHER YOU<\/a>
SPIDER-MAN: INTO THE SPIDERVERSE<\/a>
TO ALL THE BOYS I’VE LOVED BEFORE<\/a>
VICE<\/a>
\u200bTHE WIFE\u00a0<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

A STAR IS BORN<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I usually wouldn\u2019t use the \u2018a\u2019 to determine where to put a title in alphabetical order but I\u2019m doing it here because this movie is too good to not start this list. Putting it all the way down with the S\u2019s??? The horror. \u201cA Star is Born\u201d is one of the best and most important movies of the year, or at least it was three months ago and should have kept its momentum, so mes babies, we are starting here.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once upon a time, Bradley Cooper \u2018let himself go\u2019 but in a Hollywood way so he was all scruffy and drunk but still the handsomest man to ever pick up a gosh darn gee-tar in Amurka. But man he was drunk. A much beloved country star, he played large arenas full of people who couldn\u2019t wait to hear his surprisingly decent, vocal-coach-deepened voice. One night Bradley, or, to use another first-name-last-name, Jackson, was so drunk that he went to a drag bar, where a very talented girl named Lady Gaga sang a very uncomfortable rendition of \u201cLa Vie en Rose\u201d while John Laurens\/Philip Schuyler befriended Jackson because famous musicians love making random friends in bars. Gaga\u2019s performance was very awkward because she lies down and crawls on the bar, which is forking disgusting, like SO GROSS do you know what is on that bar, ugh it\u2019s probably so sticky, and none of those men wash their hands after the bathroom and then they eat the peanuts from the shared bowl, ugh I\u2019m gonna gag, but she sounded great and Jackson is like, \u201cwhoa. Whoa girl, whoa. Not only are you so brave for laying on this Petri dish of a bar, but you can sang. Ima make you sing this song you just wrote in a PARKING LOT that\u2019s somehow the BEST SONG EVER at my next show in front of thousands of people and you are going to be a big star.\u201d A big star is going to be born, DO YOU GET IT, he said to her in his drunken stupor.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

So Jackson has his driver (who he knows because the driver used to work for the CIA and be amaaaazing fighting Arvin Sloane with his friend Jenny Garner who was randomly friends with Jackson even though she ended up forcing him to join witness protection like SO SAD ugh and the driver fell in love but then his love died because her father was obsessed with ancient magical artists like it\u2019s all such an interesting mess but anyway that\u2019s how Jackson found his former-CIA driver like pretty good gig you got going now, catering to an alcoholic I mean dreams don\u2019t last forever I guess) pick Gaga up at her house, where she lives with ANDREW DICE CLAY, and Dice says to the driver DO YOU WANT TO HEAR A NURSERY RHYME and the driver\u2019s like I JUST WANNA PLAY FOOTBALL JERRY, so Gaga, or Allie, because that\u2019s a special enough name for a lead character in a big movie, sure, goes to Jackson\u2019s concert and BELTS HER FORKING FACE OFF about how much she likes swimming or something and if that song doesn\u2019t win ALL the awards this year, I\u2019ll tell you what I\u2019m gonna do – I\u2019m gonna bitch and moan like an impotent jerk about it.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I mean honestly it\u2019s the forking best. Let\u2019s listen to it a dozen times before we move on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n