{"id":7339,"date":"2017-07-03T13:20:52","date_gmt":"2017-07-03T13:20:52","guid":{"rendered":""},"modified":"2019-04-16T12:37:07","modified_gmt":"2019-04-16T12:37:07","slug":"vladimir-suzdal-quaint-charming-towns-in-russias-golden-ring-html-d1","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/laughfrodisiac.com\/2017\/07\/03\/vladimir-suzdal-quaint-charming-towns-in-russias-golden-ring-html-d1\/","title":{"rendered":"Vladimir & Suzdal: Quaint, Charming Towns in Russia’s Golden Ring"},"content":{"rendered":"

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After Moscow, we began the part of our trip touring what Republicans would probably refer to as the ‘real Russia’ even though all parts of a country are real. A short high-speed train to Vladimir began our visit to Russia’s Golden Ring, small towns that used to be hugely important cities shaping Russia’s early history. And I mean early – Vladimir was founded in the elevensies by Prince Vladimir Monochromatic (something like that) of Kiev as a fortress town just because he was like ahh I need a fortress to protect my eastern lands and I’m all one color this is terriburrrr. Oh it was Monomakh. Anyway Vladdy was satisfied with his namebrand town as a fortress but his grandson Andrei could never be satisfied (and he also isn’t heeere how many Broadway references in one sentence can we do) so Andrei stormed Kiev and stole all the master craftsmen away and forced them to Vladimir to make it the new happening place. It became the Russian capital for a bit and had even more people than London at that time. London was so bum. The city’s population boomed as it became a political center and then a religious center, but then its population disappeared by the 1400s. Not like ah they were taken by aliens, just it shrank back to near nothingness because of Moscow being close and having the good opera and ballet and stuff. Today it is an industrial center with actually a completely vegan little cafe that does amazing wraps, a much more stable population, and lots of Medieval sites, mostly cathedrals, as most of the sites in this land are.<\/div>\n
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​We got to Vladimir at about 8:30pm, so we went straight to our hotel to drop our bags and then find food. The hotel was called the Kinolenta, and I should have guessed before, knowing that Kino means movie theatre, that I would like this place a lot – it was indeed movie themed! There were little film reel decals everywhere and they had a big screen tv at one end of the main hallway with a few chairs. Okay that is as far as the theme goes but for this little town that doesn’t even have a movie theatre it was pretty cool. In our room, there was a photo of London, complete with a double decker bus, so that was incredibly comforting and such a fun coincidence. It was technically a hotel and it was a lot nicer than our last hostel (dreck), but it still had a hostel vibe – shared bathroom (at least just with the room next door (which happened to be our cousin’s (so I guess I can’t complain about that))) and SUPER LOUD PEOPLE. After we came back from dinner at 11:30pm, there were about 20 adults having some sort of meeting in the kitchen – which was across from our room – while their children ran around the halls. Ughhh people what is your liiiife be quiettttt. I thought maybe I’d get up early and exercise or something and give the noise right back to them but then they were up meeting again in the kitchen at like 7am! Dammit loud people who don’t need much sleep! <\/div>\n
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​Anyway, aside from those people the hotel was fine and the staff was very nice. The woman who checked us in spoke no English but we had an okay time. Since leaving Moscow, we are really seeing the payoff from studying Russian. Thank god we did. We would be scah rewed out here where we are now. So we dropped our bags and went out on the town of Vladimir, which actually had a lot of town to its name. Lots of restaurants were still open, there was a McDonalds AND a Burger King (the boys of course got soft-serve at McDonalds for the equivalent of like 40 cents and I’ve never been so jealous you know soft-serve is my favorite and I haven’t even been able to have even hard ice cream on this trip) (okay that’s not true I did have ‘ice cream’ in Moscow at Avocado but it was completely freezer burn like they bought it 10 years ago and I was the first dunce to order it). We walked through the main sites – namely the Golden Gate, which we would be visiting the next morning – and took some night time pics on our way to a HappyCow recommended place called Khilinki Dom, which means Tavern House. It doesn’t have anything particularly stand out for vegans, but it is a Georgian restaurant which means easy to find veggie side dishes. Unfortunately the bread wasn’t like my babushka friend’s in St. Petersburg, but it was still bread and I won’t turn it away. I got a dish of rice with chopped peppers and tomatoes, which was pretty good, and a plate of grilled vegetables that I didn’t take a picture of because it would have been ridiculous – it was half a tomato, half a red pepper, half a hunk of eggplant, and half a zucchini, grilled as is. It wasn’t bad. <\/div>\n
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​After stocking up on water and apples at the biggest supermarket I’ve seen in a while (they had Alpro soy milk too! I had a baby vanilla one for dessert!), we had a lovely night listening to the kitchen meeting. The next morning we saw all the Vladdy sights, including the Golden Gate. Vladimir was once ringed entirely with earthen rampants, a bit of which remains that we climbed up. The whole city was protected by these defensive walls, and the Golden Gate is the part that still remains. We scrambled up the steep side of the rampant to get to the top and once there learned that there’s a pedestrian-friendly path on the other side.<\/div>\n
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​Above the Gate is a Cathedral, I mean I guess it’s all connected but there’s a Cathedral and it’s another one of those Deposition of the Robe ones, because it was really important to Russians to commemorate where their robes went. In there, there’s a small museum that was 100% worth it because there’s a huge diorama along one wall that tells the story of Vladimir with lights and an audio track. We arrived at a good time when we were the only people in that room so they played the English track! And they turned off the lights because no one was looking at the other stuff on the other walls so it was LEGIT. I don’t really remember what it was about but like in the 1200s the Tatars attacked by climbing up the ramparts and being like ahh are we wearing Scottish plaid or do we have bad teeth oh neither there aren’t enough r’s!!! But Vladimir stayed strong and still was important religiously. I don’t know I was so distracted by the cool flashing lights. <\/div>\n
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​What else did we see. Oh we scrambled up the super steep rampart next to the Gate for the view of the town center, which was really the theatre and this big PECO building! Cool that they provide electricity to both Philadelphia and Vladimir.<\/div>\n
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PECO!<\/div><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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random Vladimir cherry sculpture I like<\/div><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
​We also went to the Old Vladimir museum housed in a 19th century water tower, which was cool. It had a little room on each floor up the winding stairs and then had a lovely panorama view at the top. The museum showed off such…interesting, shall we say, dioramas of what life was like in Vlad 100s of years ago. Apparently old-timey men with ridiculous bicycles flirted with Elizabeth Hurley while other women had unfortunate hairdos but gorgeous desks. <\/div>\n
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One thing I’ve noticed in every Russian town we’ve visited so far is that they really REALLY hate the Nazis, which I like seeing. I mean of course they do considering how many people they lost in WWII, it’s really insane how many, but it’s nice to see constant reminders of anti-Nazism, especially when my own country is failing to do the same and even demonstrating overt anti-Semitism in things that should be all-inclusive like the NYC Pride Parade. Raging over that. F you Linda Sarsour. <\/div>\n
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After seeing all the Vladimir sights we wanted to see that day (lots of things are closed on Mondays and\/or Tuesdays all over Russia), we went back to the hotel to grab our daypacks (they kindly stored our enormous packs for the next 24 hours) and went to catch the <1 hour minibus to Suzdal, the next of the Golden Ring towns on our agenda. <\/div>\n
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I think this guy IS Vladimir no just kidding<\/div><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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that isn’t Vladimir that’s Lenin he’s real big here<\/div><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
​On the way to the Vladimir Bus Terminal (conveniently right across the street from the train station), we passed this sign on the main street:<\/div>\n
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\t\t\t\t\t \t\t\t\t\t\t <\/span>\"Picture\"<\/a>we literally walked into this! vegetarian kitchen! <\/span><\/span> <\/p>\n
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do you even veggie, bro?<\/div><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
​I MEAN. Could I BE any more excited? What a freaking fortuitous turn of events! I had read about Veggie Bro on HappyCow (it was literally the only other listing besides Khilinki Dom in the entire region) but it didn’t have an address listed so we had trouble internetting it. But it was RIGHT on the main street, on Bolshoya Moskovaya, I think it was called, and we just chanced upon it! So lucky! Of course we went in and luckily everyone was hungry so we got a lot. The man working the register was very nice and spoke the best English we’d heard in Vladimir, so he helped us order. They have various burgers and salads but really the draw there is the make-your-own wraps, because they are AMAZING. Seriously, after that sad sad Pret a Manger-style wrap I had on my first day in Moscow, this wrap was a g-d delight. You have to grill them, guys, that’s the secret to deliciousness and keeping them from getting soggy ugh that’s the worst. And amazing fillings. Husband got a seitan burger, Cousin got a falafel wrap, and I concocted a lavash wrap with seitan, shredded carrots, cabbage, cucumber, tomato, pickles, lots of fresh herbs (mostly dill, which I think I’m allergic to but that’s not part of this tale), and a secret Veggie Bro sauce. It was like a Greek gyro\/god.<\/div>\n
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chef salad! <\/div><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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pretty painting on the wall at Veggie Bro! <\/div><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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pretty burger! not as good as wrap but still seitany goodness mmmm<\/div><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
It was SO GOOD. Erma P GERD. I also got the ‘chef salad’ which was just lettuce, beets, and hummus, with a SHITTONNE of paprika tossed around the plate (Jojo don’t look you’ll die!) so that was a little sad looking but I was due for some lettuce and hummus (which 90% of the time is what I eat for dinner when I’m by myself) so it was fine. Man alive I loved this wrap. Husband’s burger was good but the wraps are where it’s at. So obsessed. The lone young man cooking all the food back there is a talent. <\/div>\n
​Full and happy, we bought our minibus tickets for Suzdal. There are minis between the two towns every half hour or so, so you just rock up to the window when you want to go and you get on the next one. Don’t worry about them selling out, because apparently they don’t have a limit to how many tickets they sell for each bus. We were given seats 15, 16, and 17, but the seats only went up to #16! Then as more and more people got on we realized that it is a standing room only situation. Husband and I took turns standing and it was okay because I was listening to The Great Comet on my headphones (err day err day) even though I don’t think Russians on public transit know about headphones yet. It was packed full of smelly people as usual with that very distinctive Russian man b.o. but I had the voice of Groban in my ear and seitan in my belly so it was okay. No just kidding I was super nauseous the whole time. <\/div>\n
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lol this is the dumbest picture but hey minibus fun times but no fun<\/div><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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​We arrived in Suzdal at a train station literally in the middle of a field with nothing else as far as the eye could see. If Husband didn’t have his phone I don’t know how we’d be getting around. Seriously how did people travel before smartphones? How did I travel across Europe in college without internet! I can’t even believe that was me. Despite appearances, our guesthouse was only a 20-minute walk away, down dirt roads and little streets with the most adorable houses, most of which had very intricate wood carvings decorating the exterior.<\/div>\n
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bus station in Suzdal <\/div><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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Cute carving on our guest house<\/div><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
​Our guesthouse had a cute little rooster carving on the outside as well as a phone number to call in case the door was locked, which it was. Okay, but most travelers don’t have telephone access! Luckily we did, but guess what, lo and behold that number was out of service! We banged on the door for a good 10 minutes before deciding to go ask the neighbor if she could help. Five or 10 minutes after ringing the doorbell there, Neighbor Babushka comes out and speaks rapid fire Russian maybe apologizing? She was smiling and she had the keys to the guesthouse! She let us in and without stopping to breathe she explained how to use the stove, the samovar, the oven, the microwave, the television, all while speaking incredibly fast countryside Russian and I was like ahhh I have to peeee. Luckily when she showed us our room and starting explaining how to use things we would actually be using like the keys, something clicked in my brain and I ACTUALLY UNDERSTOOD. Better than that, I communicated right back to her! We communicated the shit out of that conversation! I’m so proud. She seemed really proud of me too, I think. She didn’t slow down ever, btw, but every time we thanked her she would say no no I thank YOU! At least I think that’s what she said. I was sweating buckets throughout the entire conversation like my whole body was on red alert trying with every fiber to remember what I’d learned. I guess I learned something! I hated Neighbor Babushka when we were waiting outside in that sun and heat (first hot sunny day of course) but then we were BFF. <\/div>\n
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​After that roller coaster of emotion, we hightailed it to the Suzdal Kremlin so we could see that and a museum before everything closed. Yes this is all still one day, the same day we saw all the things in Vladimir and ate that glorious wrap. The Suzdal Kremlin is not like the huge acreage of the Moscow one. This one is a very old fashioned white stone area with mostly cathedrals, including this beautiful blue-starred-onion-domed one that is one of the oldest cathedrals in all of Russia. I wrote on instagram that it was the oldest one but it’s one of the oldest ones okay just chill.<\/div>\n
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It’s quite cool that the architects had such fun with color and stars such a long time ago. Husband made a pun about this cathedral that I still have stomach pains over, many days later. He kept mentioning the ‘starry’ cathedral, which is funny\/punny because it is covered with the gold stars of course but also because the Russian word for hella old is pronounced “starry” so you get it oh my belly oh oh oh the pain of his punning. <\/div>\n
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​Oh outside the Kremlin was a honey-mead (this region is BIG On their mead and honey drinks) shop with MY FRIEND OUTSIDE!<\/div>\n
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​Can you believe it? His famous line in Shrek is pretty much my most quoted thing ever so I was super pumped. <\/div>\n
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​The Kremlin grounds reached on around a beautiful expanse of fields and river and it was really peaceful and lovely.<\/div>\n
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​In some of the cathedrals were little museums full of more\/endless religious iconography, including this one that I had a ball with trying to land the center square myself:<\/div>\n
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scale of 1-10 how bad is this like with religion<\/div><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
​Husband and I also did a prom-style pose in the middle there but it’s too embarrassing to share here. I’ll share this guys cape though! Religious figures know how to cape but good:<\/div>\n
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hey jesus do you like my cape<\/div><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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​On our lovely walk to our next site, we saw more lovely sprawling fields full of farmers as well as a tiny shack on the side of the road that had a legit kvass, mead, and other beverage brewing operation going, so of course we refer to it now as the funniest thing you can imagine if you were a fan of “30 Rock”:<\/div>\n
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The rural brewer<\/div><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
The rural brewer! Hopefully you said it in your head the correct way, which is “the ruhhh bruhhhr” . I crack myself up. <\/p>\n

Next up was the Museum of Wooden Architecture, a hilariously cute outdoor museum site that has examples of real cabins and workshops and chapels and lighthouses as were used in regular domestic life of peasants in the area in the 18th and 19th centuries. All the structures were really used, taken from various villages in the region. <\/div>\n

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my kind of museum!<\/div><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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a peasant’s house<\/div><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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a well-to-do peasant’s house<\/div><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
​It was such a great way to do museuming, especially since we lucked out with the weather this day. We saw the inside of a small peasant chapel, a regular peasant’s house, a ‘well-to-do’ peasant’s house, and the world’s biggest hamster wheel:<\/div>\n
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Guess what, it is indeed like a hamster wheel – but for hooomans! It’s connected to the well, and to lift the bucket up and down the human actually has to power the wheel just like a hamster ahhh I wish they’d let me try.<\/p>\n

​On the grounds, they had a cute little cafe and shop with lots of mead and honey jars and then something I thought would be for me – the seesaw! But as soon as I was about to sit on one end, I saw the saddest sign:<\/div>\n

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Children only! Fie! Fie upon your rules! I do love that that sign probably was the result of experience, though. <\/p>\n

For dinner that evening, we went to a relatively famous (for this one-horse town (actually, sadly, they did have horse-drawn carriages all over so it was really a 10-horse town but really more like a 1-horse town you get it)) restaurant on the main street recommended by our guide book and (we think) by Neighbor Babushka, called Kharchevnaya. The menu had English translations under every dish, although they weren’t the most helpful. They were pretty freaking entertaining though:<\/div>\n

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The Omelet is Natural! Cheerful honey moderately drunk! Meat motley crew!
​The only vegetarian-looking things were that Omelet is Natural and some mushroom dishes. I asked about the mushrooms but she said they were cooked in cream. I asked if they could cook me mushrooms without cream, and she said they could give me potatoes. Like okay I know I’m being a nuisance by asking for changes but that’s just a whole different thing lady. Anyway it was okay, the potatoes were really good and I haven’t gotten sick of them just yet. I also got a salad-y pickle-y plate which I am accustomed to now, having had it at most meals it seems! But I like it! It’s good to have fresh vegetables and pickled stuff for probiotics. Pickled stuff has probiotics right? I’m counting on that to prevent illness. Haha just kidding we’re traveling through Central Asia for more than 3 months I’m gonna get sick. <\/div>\n
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We said goodbye to Cousin after dinner, as his part of our journey ended and now it’s just the two of us. The next morning we interlaced our destinies and went to the big Monastery in Suzdal, The grounds were very nice, if the museums inside all the cathedrals and buildings seemed a little endless. But it was all worth it because the hunchback they have ringing the bells every hour is FIRE. Oh my god he did this incredible bell concerto for like 15 minutes I got only a 5 second video but it was awesome. I’ve never seen a noon-time bell ringing garner applause before. I’ve never seen any bell ringing garner applause before.<\/div>\n
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