{"id":5779,"date":"2014-07-29T01:33:40","date_gmt":"2014-07-29T01:33:40","guid":{"rendered":""},"modified":"2019-04-16T12:37:20","modified_gmt":"2019-04-16T12:37:20","slug":"yummy-pasta-alert-apple-sage-sausage-chard-cashew-pistachio-cream-html-d2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/laughfrodisiac.com\/2014\/07\/29\/yummy-pasta-alert-apple-sage-sausage-chard-cashew-pistachio-cream-html-d2\/","title":{"rendered":"Yummy Pasta Alert! Apple-Sage Sausage, Chard, & Cashew-Pistachio Cream"},"content":{"rendered":"
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     I only made this because I like using hyphens. And because it’s uhhhmazing! This is rapidly becoming my favorite pasta dish. It’s really easy but it tastes like it’s difficult. You cook the best type of Field Roast sausage, the apple sage kind, with its perfectly paired green – rainbow swiss chard – and put it over fusilli. Then, you whip up this amazing creamy cheesy sauce in two seconds in your blender, and voila! Breakfast! No that’s from “Rookie of the Year”! I mean dinner! Or breakfast! Whatever you want dude! <\/div>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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             I like to pair this pasta with a simple green salad without dressing, because I’ll inevitably wipe up the remaining sauce with the leaves, as I do with any salad and any sauce. Also, I used quinoa-brown rice pasta (from Trader Joe’s) for this, so it can be easily made gluten-free. Of course, I’m not sure about any of the sauce ingredients being gluten-free. And, of courser, the Field Roast sausage is made of gluten, I’m pretty sure. But then even more of courser, most punks nowadays claiming they are gluten-free only mean they don’t want to eat pasta and bread because scary carbs\/they don’t understand nutrition and people with real gluten allergies already know what they can and can’t eat so I don’t have to worry about it. So! <\/div>\n
Gluten-Free (or Not! Probably Not!) Pasta with Apple-Sage Sausage, Swiss Chard, & Cashew-Pistachio Cream<\/font><\/div>\n
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The foods<\/u>
Ingredients<\/em>:<\/p>\n
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  • 1 pound fusilli pasta (make sure it’s gluten-free because carbs and idiots)<\/li>\n
  • 2T olive oil<\/li>\n
  • 1 medium onion, chopped small<\/li>\n
  • 2 cloves garlic, minced<\/li>\n
  • 1 pound Swiss Chard (I love getting the pre-washed bag of rainbow chard from Trader Joe’s), chopped<\/li>\n
  • 1 package Field Roast Apple Sage Sausages (4 little wieners), diced in small half-moons<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

    Directions: <\/em><\/p>\n

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    1. Cook the pasta according to package directions and set aside. Don’t leave in the colander in the sink where people might wash dog food off their hands because then you will have to repeat this instruction. <\/li>\n
    2. Heat the onion in the oil in a large pot on medium-high heat and cook for about 5 minutes until browning.<\/li>\n
    3. Add the garlic and cook for another 2 minutes.<\/li>\n
    4. Add the sausage and cook through for about 5 minutes, adding a little water if it sticks too much.<\/li>\n
    5. Pour the chard on top of the cooking sausage, adding a tiny bit of water (like less than 1\/4C), and cover to let it cook down. The moisture from the chard will help the sausage cook and not stick so don’t add too much water.<\/font><\/li>\n
    6. When everything is cooked, pour the pasta into the pot and stir everything through.<\/font><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

      Cream sauce<\/font><\/u>
      Ingredients<\/em>: <\/font><\/p>\n

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      • 1\/2 C raw cashews (buy the pieces; they are cheaper!)<\/font><\/li>\n
      • 1\/3 C raw pistachios<\/font><\/li>\n
      • 2 cloves garlic<\/font><\/li>\n
      • 1\/2 C unsweetened original almond milk<\/font><\/li>\n
      • 2t dijon mustard<\/font><\/li>\n
      • 2t miso<\/font><\/li>\n
      • 2t tamari<\/font><\/li>\n
      • lots and lots of black pepper<\/font><\/li>\n
      • 1\/2C nutritional yeast (NOOCH)<\/font><\/li>\n
      • 1-2 handfuls of fresh parsley <\/font><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

        Directions:<\/em><\/font><\/p>\n

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        1. Dump everything in a high-speed blender. (If you only have a regular blender, you’ll prob have to pre-soak your nuts.)<\/font><\/li>\n
        2. Blend until smooth.<\/font><\/li>\n
        3. Pour over the pasta.<\/font><\/li>\n
        4. Enjoy!!!!<\/font><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<\/div>\n<\/td>\n
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Party girls don’t get hurt<\/div><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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Can’t feel anything, when will I learn<\/div><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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I push it down, push it downnnn<\/div><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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123 123 drink, throw em back till I lose count<\/div><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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IIIIII’M GONNA SWIIIIIIING FROM THE CHANDELIEEEERRRR<\/div><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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FROM THE CHANDELIEEEEEERRRR<\/div><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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Yuuummm! You should eat with a fork because it is pasta (and maybe salad). I used a spoon because I don’t like dirtying extra things. Also I usually just use my fingers. And my face. <\/div><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
I really loved the fresh parsley as an addition to an otherwise heavy cream. You can use this sauce in so many ways: over tofu or tempeh, in mashed potatoes (ERMA P. GERD), over pretty much anything you want except ice cream. I hope you enjoy! <\/div>\n
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I’M GONNA FLYYYY LIKE A BIRD THROUGH THE NIGHT<\/div><\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

     I only made this because I like using hyphens. And because it’s uhhhmazing! This is rapidly becoming my favorite pasta dish. It’s really easy […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":5780,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[172],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5779","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-food"],"yoast_head":"\nYummy Pasta Alert! 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