{"id":5597,"date":"2015-06-09T23:51:52","date_gmt":"2015-06-09T23:51:52","guid":{"rendered":""},"modified":"2019-04-16T16:53:59","modified_gmt":"2019-04-16T16:53:59","slug":"austin-withdrawal-is-rough-yall-so-i-made-burritos-html-d2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/laughfrodisiac.com\/2015\/06\/09\/austin-withdrawal-is-rough-yall-so-i-made-burritos-html-d2\/","title":{"rendered":"Austin Withdrawal Is Rough, Y’all, So I Made ‘Burritos’"},"content":{"rendered":"

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      A week ago, I was in Austin, Texas, for the third and supposedly-final-but-I don’t-believe-it Vida Vegan Con. Well, actually, a week ago I was landing at Heathrow but that eastbound overnight flight is like two days long and there’s a time change and I don’t even know what day it is today so let’s just say a week ago. Anyway, Vida Vegan Con was amazing. I was a speaker (see the badge on the homepage like rightthere?), sharing all my important knowledge about the law that bloggers need to know. (If you have questions about legal issues you can ask me but remember I’m not your lawyer unless you pay me and sign shit but we can work that out.) I will be writing about this incredible experience and the supportive community it assembles and strengthens more in upcoming posts. Today, we gotta talk about the food. Well, one kind of food: stuff stuffed into tortillas.<\/div>\n
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<\/span>\"Picture\"<\/a>That’s actually on a plate; the plate just happened to be exactly tortilla-sized. <\/span><\/span> <\/p>\n

      Austin is the taco capital of America, possibly the world because a) it’s a mecca for vegan taco establishments and b) the Taco Cleanse was created there. I ate a lot of tacos. One night, I asked my friend what I should eat for dinner, x or tacos, and she was like, “Get x because you’ve had a lot of tacos”, and I was horrified at the thought of having something besides tacos. So that is a good way to make a decision: have someone suggest not having tacos and you’ll realize you want tacos. Phoebe should add that to the ‘North route or South route’ game, x or tacos. Ball of twine or beard of bees.*
    Anyway, it’s been over a week (#honesty) since I had tacos in Texas, and that’s enough time for withdrawal symptoms, y’all, I’m saying in my southern drawl obviously. So today I thought, I’m gonna make spicy beans and other crap and put it in a tortilla and feel like I’m in Austin again, even though today I wore a SWEATER and a JACKET outside and was still very chilly and it’s June ffs. I was so windswept and ready to call my outside time that I bought giant burrito-sized tortillas instead of taco-sized tortillas, and they weren’t even corn. Hey, I live in the City, I have limited options given how far I am willing\/able to wander before getting lost. (Hint: not very far.) But the giant tortillas I found happened to be Ezekiel’s sprouted grain shebangs, which I love, so that’s good.
     Still, we know right off the bat that my taco plan wasn’t going to end up as tacos. Hey, you fail to plan, you know what they say, you make an ass of us. I figured with the giant tortillas, I could make a burrito, even though I’m awful\/awesome at wrapping such things because I overstuff them beyond what you thought was possible. And I’m not an authentic cooker of this cuisine in the least: to quote Lucy, “I not a Mexican!”* But it was still going to be delicious, and doggonit, it was. <\/div>\n
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SPICY LENTIL AND MISO TEMPEH TACO\/BURRITO\/NONSENSE POCKET<\/font><\/font><\/span>
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     For overstuffing into this wondrous crackerpocket, we have an awesome spicy green lentil and vegetable mix, miso baked tempeh, a grain, a lettuce, and spiralized zucchini. Make it all or whatever. We don’t have avocado because eating what’s sold as avocado in England so soon after eating the most incredible avocados in south Texas sounds like a terrible thing to do for one’s mental stability. <\/em><\/div>\n
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FIRST: Miso Baked Tempeh<\/font><\/u><\/strong><\/p>\n

Ingredients:<\/p>\n

    \n
  • 8 oz. tempeh, cubed<\/li>\n
  • 3 tablespoons miso<\/li>\n
  • 2 tablespoons mirin<\/li>\n
  • 1\/2 teaspoon minced ginger<\/li>\n
  • 1\/2 teaspoon minced garlic<\/li>\n
  • 1 tablespoon sesame oil<\/li>\n
  • 2 tablespoons water<\/li>\n
  • squirt of agave nectar<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

    Directions:<\/p>\n

      \n
    1. Preheat oven to 375F.<\/li>\n
    2. Boil a pot of water. Steam your tempeh for 10-15 minutes over the boiling water like you’re supposed to, or you can do like I do and just boil the tempeh for 10 minutes. It ends up the same, I feel. I mean, it’s all good right. <\/li>\n
    3. Mix the other ingredients in a large bowl, add the boiled tempeh and swish around to coat. <\/li>\n
    4. Pour it all into a small baking dish and bake for 20 minutes. Ta da, it’s delicious, right? Don’t eat the whole thing out of the oven because you will get a bellyache. <\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<\/div>\n<\/td>\n
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I used jarred minced ginger and garlic for this because I got better shit to do, y’all. Also my knives are dull. <\/div><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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Glamour shot<\/div><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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The light in my kitchen is above my head so no matter where I stand I cast a shadow. It’s a cruel thing. Also how cute is my Qatari oven mitt?<\/div><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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SECOND: Spicy Green Lentils<\/font><\/u><\/strong>
Ingredients:<\/p>\n
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This big zucchini fucker rolled off the counter, before I had the good sense to put it on a towel, and rolled right onto my foot, building up momentum on that long fall and it hurt so freaking much. Damn you zucchini. I ate you. <\/div><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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Stir it upppp <\/div><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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I am so good at this<\/div><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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THIRD: Make a grain<\/font><\/u><\/strong>
Ingredients:<\/p>\n
    \n
  • 1 cup dry grain (I used the last of my precious Trader Joe’s Israeli Couscous, Red Quinoa, and Baby Chickpea grain mix. I will miss you.)<\/li>\n
  • 2 cups water<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

    Directions:<\/p>\n

      \n
    1. Make it. <\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<\/div>\n<\/td>\n
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\"Picture\" <\/a> <\/p>\n
It’s so good with vegan butter even though it’s not Earth Balance. <\/div><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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FOURTH: Spiralize Zucchini <\/u><\/strong>
<\/font>God I love this machine. I must give thanks to Jojo <\/a>for giving me her unused spiralizer, even though she supported my eventual move to Britain for years and years and then the day THE DAY I finally moved here, she decided to “travel professionally” i.e. leave me on this island without her. THANKS DUDE. (No but really thanks.)<\/div>\n<\/td>\n
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ASSEMBLE<\/font><\/u><\/strong>! Get your giant tortilla or normal sized ones if you are making tacos, and layer all the components like so: <\/div>\n
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<\/span>\"Picture\"<\/a><\/span><\/span> <\/p>\n

That’s the coolest photographic thing I’ve ever done. Yay. It’s like the Brady Bunch but for Mexican food. Anyway build it up, add too much of each filling like I do, add avocado if you live in the right place, add cilantro if you remember to buy it, add a cheese sauce maybe. I added some leftover hummus dressing (hummus dressing = watery hummus, btw) and a bit of the Parma! vegan parmesan that came in the Vida Vegan Con Swag Bag O’ Wonder (pictured)! That was such a great little kick. 
    So then came the best part, when I tried to wrap it up. Um. Because they are imported, Ezekiel wraps and breads are only available frozen in the UK, so I had to heat it in the oven. Do you know what happens to an Ezekiel sprouted grain wrap 15 seconds after it is out of the oven? It hardens. Into a cracker. Oops. No wrapping up for you, mister! The only thing I could do was just fold it over into a giant hard taco sort of thing and you know what, I think I like it better that way. More chance of things falling out, like some sort of game! <\/div>\n
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\"Picture\" <\/a> <\/p>\n
I don’t even know what that metal spike is. I didn’t have a toothpick, not that that would have been strong enough to hold this monster together. But seriously, what is that piece of metal from…<\/div><\/div>\n<\/div>\n
If you follow me on Instagram (link at top), you saw that when I finished this monster, the end fell apart and I dropped it onto the plate AND IT WAS THE BAT SIGNAL! APPARENTLY I AM A VEGAN SUPERHERO. Prettayyyy cool. <\/div>\n
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\"Picture\" <\/a> <\/p>\n
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*as usual with things that are asterisked in my posts: if you understand a reference or a joke or a quote and you comment that you get it, you get bonus points for any giveaways I do. If you attended my VVC talk, you know that the type of giveaway I always choose to run is a ‘contest’, because I like judging and winning on merit, not chance. <\/em><\/font><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

      A week ago, I was in Austin, Texas, for the third and supposedly-final-but-I don’t-believe-it Vida Vegan Con. 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