{"id":4096,"date":"2016-06-26T22:13:00","date_gmt":"2016-06-26T22:13:00","guid":{"rendered":""},"modified":"2019-04-16T12:37:13","modified_gmt":"2019-04-16T12:37:13","slug":"unbreakable-kimmy-schmidt-season-2-episodes-5-9-html","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/laughfrodisiac.com\/2016\/06\/26\/unbreakable-kimmy-schmidt-season-2-episodes-5-9-html\/","title":{"rendered":"“Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt” Season 2: Episodes 5-9"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/span>\"Picture\"<\/a>Happy Pride Yall!<\/span><\/span> <\/p>\n

    ​Oh herro! It’s been a while but guess what, I still haven’t finished season 2 of UKS! I spent a few weeks playing with my babiss (Helena voice) instead and ain’t nobody got time for television when you’re playing with the cutest puppy and cutest human in the whole world yes you are! And then we moved! And then people in the UK decided they hated the world and themselves and voted to destroy everything! Burn it all down! So there’s been a lot going on! 
​      Before I was recapping just 2 episodes at a time, but ugh that would literallyyyy take foreverrrr? (Dong’s Kardashian voice!) and you all finished watching anywayyyyy so here’s like 5 and I just wanna share my favorite parts. So really this is a listicle, Buzzfeed a-hat style, of fun things instead because I just want to get this done with already Kimbecile! So really, think of this instead as is my imitation of a Buzzfeed piece! Enjoy!<\/div>\n
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Episode 5: Kimmy Gives Up! <\/font><\/strong><\/u><\/div>\n
My prize for absolute winner of episode goes to Kimmy’s cold-open interaction with the staff member at the school she takes her GED class:<\/p>\n

Kimmy:<\/em> “That’s Dong Wen! We were basically the Roz & Frasier of our class. But not sexy like that, just, ya know, cool.”
Woman<\/em>: “Yeah I get it. I kinda have a Kyle & Maxine thing with my boss. Oh you don’t know ‘Living Single’? But I’m supposed to know everything about ‘Frasier’?”
I was crying.<\/p>\n

Jane’s (can I just call her Jane, Jacqueline takes too long to type; I’ll probably alternate) fake moving box labels were amazing: Silver, Crystal, Grand Piano. In this episode, Jacqueline was lent a gown for a benefit by Karl Lagerfeld, from that asshat’s designer line called ‘Crottes des Nez’. That might seem like a whatever line, unless you know French, like I do. No I used google because I knew it had to be something good. Guess what, it means boogers! Tee hee! Karl Lagerfeld is a booger maker! And a big booger himself! (He’s on my list.)<\/p>\n

Buckley’s school was cancelled for Rupert Murdoch’s birthday, and Jacqueline of course can’t afford help (and Kimmy turned out to be just another one of Buckley’s drawings on the wall), so Jacqueline has to watch her own son for an entire day. Perish the thought! She thinks she is up to the challenge but very quickly learns she isn’t. His doctor gives her Dyziplen, the coolest new trend in rich people drugging their kids so they don’t have to parent. Buckley and all the other kids on the playground turn into quiet, sullen robots, to Jacqueline’s delight…at least at first.<\/p>\n

Doctor<\/em>: Your son’s in good physical health…But in terms of behavioral development Buckley could benefit from a little discipline.
Jane<\/em>: Ohh…
Doctor<\/em>: Don’t worry, I’m not talking about actual parenting. I know how busy we all are. I’m talking about medication.<\/p>\n

This was all worth it for when Jacqueline started Dyziplen-ing out at the fitting, seeing all the Booger clothes as boring gray stuff. “What’s happening…my brain…it’s Talbotsing!” <\/p>\n

Dong was around, I don’t remember really why, but I remember this burn on white travelers: “I don’t want to go back to Vietnam, Kimmy. It’s full of baby-boomer tourists trying to feel something!”<\/p>\n

Kimmy’s best line was of course her list of favorite jams: “Giving up is not my jam. My jams are grape, jock, and space!” Even Questlove tweeted this one out! Instant classic! <\/p>\n

But the episode fully belonged to Titus (I mean as usual). It started with his perfectly deadpan response to Kimmy’s nonsense:
Kimmy<\/em>: “Without blue, my entire scrunchie rotation is off. I mean, I can’t wear a green scrunchie on Thursday! Everyone will think I’m horny!”
Titus<\/em>: “That’s true. I will.”<\/p>\n

​From there he only got better and better, as the show combined its two best aspects into the most enjoyable combination: Titus being nuts, and the ridiculously crazy original songs. Titus was so happy that he sang songs from failed (really failed) musicals. When Lillian called him out on it, he responded in true Titus form that I have been singing for weeks now:<\/p><\/div>\n

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