{"id":4007,"date":"2018-03-02T17:39:51","date_gmt":"2018-03-02T17:39:51","guid":{"rendered":""},"modified":"2019-04-16T12:37:01","modified_gmt":"2019-04-16T12:37:01","slug":"the-annual-oscar-roundup-all-not-all-the-movies-we-need-to-discuss-html","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/laughfrodisiac.com\/2018\/03\/02\/the-annual-oscar-roundup-all-not-all-the-movies-we-need-to-discuss-html\/","title":{"rendered":"The Annual Oscar Roundup: All (Not All) The Movies We Need To Discuss"},"content":{"rendered":"

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\n\u200bHAPPY OSCAR WEEKEND! Wow, this year was really a fantastic one for movies. I think it might be the strongest season in many years. There\u2019s no clear best movie of the year, no head-to-head pairing of the only two strong contenders or anything like that that we\u2019ve seen in recent years. This year is the first in a long time where I can remember loving several films and being open to any of them being called the best of the year, a meaningless politically-driven title that we still can get excited about even when we realize that. As usual, I\u2019m going to include in this roundup a bunch of movies that came out in the past year but have no business being anywhere near the Oscary ones, because I have things to say about them. Unfortunately, I have seen fewer Oscar and non-Oscar movies than normal in the past year, because of reasons. (I also had access to approximately zero screeners this year; can you please change that for next anyone powerful reading this?) But even so, this year\u2019s bunch gives me hope that despite society failing us in literally every single other way, movies seem to be improving. Huzzah?\n<\/div>\n
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\nBAD MOMS 2<\/a>
\nBATTLE OF THE SEXES<\/a>
\nTHE BIG SICK
<\/a>BLADERUNNER 2049<\/a>
\nBORG MCENROE<\/a>
\nBREATHE<\/a>
\nCALL ME BY YOUR NAME<\/a>
\nDARKEST HOUR<\/a>
\nTHE DISASTER ARTIST<\/a>
\nDUNKIRK<\/a>
\nGET OUT<\/a>
\nTHE HOUSE<\/a>
\nI TONYA<\/a>
\nLADY BIRD<\/a>
\nLOVING VINCENT<\/a>
\nMUDBOUND<\/a>
\nMURDER ON THE ORIENT EXPRESS<\/a>
\nPHANTOM THREAD<\/a>
\nTHE POST
<\/a>THE SHAPE OF WATER<\/a>
\nSTAR WARS: THE LAST JEDI<\/a>
\nTHREE BILLBOARDS OUTSIDE EBBING, MISSOURI<\/a>\n<\/div>\n
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BAD MOMS 2<\/a><\/h2>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n         <\/strong>I know, I know, you\u2019re like you\u2019re starting with \u2018Bad Moms 2\u2019? Who\u2019s got the what now? I know it\u2019s not anywhere close to an Oscary movie but it represents the theme of this year\u2019s crop \u2013 bad moms. Some of them may have reasons excusing their behavior (Frances McDormand in \u201cThree Billboards\u201d); some are normal-people levels of sometimes-bad, usually saying the wrong thing and not being very supportive (Laurie Metcalf in \u201cLady Bird\u201d); and some are so unforgivably horrid that their kids should cast them aside \u2013 like Allison Janney in \u201cI, Tonya\u201d, and like all the moms of our main characters in this pile of a movie.
\n         The first \u201cBad Moms\u201d was hilarious and fun, so I was excited to see the sequel. Man alive was this a piece of shit. I don\u2019t know whose idea it was to make our three main protagonist moms have mothers closest to the Allison Janney-type, but that did not pay off in any way. It\u2019s one thing to portray complicated relationships that are worth working through and strengthening (like in \u201cLady Bird\u201d). It\u2019s another to just be a complete shit of a person who doesn\u2019t deserve nice people in her life, and to use these awful examples of mothers who shouldn\u2019t have children to try to say that, what, you should always love and cherish your family, even if they are toxic? That\u2019s dangerous bullshit that no one should ever listen to. If someone in your life is destroying you, cut them out, no matter who it is. Christine Baranski as Mila Kunis\u2019s mom was verbally abusive and beyond dismissive of her daughter, and Mila should have cut her from her life. It wasn\u2019t funny, and there was no reason for Mila\u2019s character to suffer through all of that just because it\u2019s her mother. Also, Peter Gallagher as a soft ball-less skinbag of a man should have left her ages ago instead of sitting back quietly and letting her destroy nice people. I guess ever since Jody Sawyer told him \u2018sorry not sorry but I don\u2019t need you to teach me ballet\u2019, he\u2019s had no sense of self. Next we have Susan Sarandon, Horrible Ignorant American, as the mother of Kathryn Hahn, American Treasure. This piece of work abandoned her kid long ago and only comes back when she needs money, like now, or when she wants to spout really asinine political theories like how Jill Stein was not<\/em> a Russian plant meant to divert support from a great lady we never deserved. Cut her off, Kathryn. Lastly, we have Cheryl Hines as Kristen Bell\u2019s mother, a legit crazy woman with no boundaries who buys the house next door to her daughter without telling her, copies her haircut to look just like her, and<\/em> watches her have sex and TAKES NOTES. This woman is a terrifying monster who puts the likes of Single White Female to shame, and Kristen should have run far away from her. When the two of them go to therapy and Wanda Sykes says that it\u2019s Kristen\u2019s fault because her mom may have been normal before she had her (I can\u2019t), I was so enraged I shot up out of my seat, threw a cup of water at the screen, and tried to leave the room so I could violently slam the door to express my fury at such an irresponsible, dangerous take on this situation. Unfortunately I was watching on an airplane, so I could not complete that mission. I could turn it off though, so yay for me. I want to meet whoever wrote this movie, especially that therapy scene, and slap him in the face. And you know it\u2019s a \u2018him\u2019, because he does not understand shit. 
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BATTLE OF THE SEXES<\/a><\/h2>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n       Emma Stone starring as Billie Jean King?? I was all in like Luke on Lorelai before the Palladinos destroyed him in Season 6. I love BJK, feminist pioneer and tennis wonder, and tennis is my favorite sport, and Steve Carell is great, and Emma Stone is always good in everything she does even if it\u2019s a TAD presumptuous to have ALREADY given her an Oscar (I\u2019M OVER IT OKAY). But no, this movie was utter tosh. (I\u2019m so British now.) (Did I use tosh right?) It was 4% Billie Jean being good at tennis, 15% Steve Carell being as annoying as humanly possible, and 120% lesbian sex scenes and close-ups of Emma\u2019s very thin lips quivering as she sees lady parts. I DID NOT NEED SEX IN A TENNIS MOVIE.
\n       Sure you might be saying \u2018but it\u2019s sort of a biopic of Billie Jean and she had to discover her true sexuality at some point\u2019, and that\u2019s true and well and good, but this movie wasn\u2019t called \u201cThe Billie Jean King Story\u201d; it was called \u201cBattle of the Sexes\u201d because it was specifically about the historic match of that name against Bobby Riggs, male chauvinist asswagon. (I combined asshole (or asshat! both good choices!) and jackwagon.) I understand that Billie\u2019s struggle with hiding her sexuality threw her off kilter leading up to the match, but like, that\u2019s all the movie was about. That and Steve Carell prancing about in costumes to prove that men are better (at wearing costumes?) and for some reason Elizabeth Shue as his long-suffering wife decides not<\/em> to light him on fire like I\/Frances McDormand would have done and instead puts up with him for no good reason other than probably a lifetime of gaslighting.
\n       If the makers wanted to solely explore Billie\u2019s sex life, with the affair of choice (with her hairdresser!) occurring while she was still married, and the effect it had on her game and her mindset (really the same thing), then they could have done that (even though that\u2019s like kind of weird to be so fixated on, give the lady some peace.) But to pretend that this film was primarily about the Bobby Riggs match is just bad faith. Honestly it felt like the male writer and the rest of the men responsible for this wanted to see Emma Stone kiss other girls and they just came up with a thin frame to work that into. They watched Emma\u2019s old movies for inspiration and when they got to \u201cBirdman\u201d they thought a) what the fuck is this and b) hey that other girl in it, Andrea Riseborough, makes out with Naomi Watts in one scene so let\u2019s hire her to make out with Emma in our movie! The best, most thrilling part of this movie was the very, very quick shots of the actual match at the end, and I realized that what would have made this movie better is more of that, and then you realize that you are better off simply watching the actual, real match full stop. I have yet to see a tennis movie where the time spent watching it would not have been better spent watching real tennis. In the inevitable Roger Federer biopic, I hope we see mostly his amazing skills and no bedroom scenes with Mirka, but honestly, this movie shows that we\u2019re better off just watching recordings of his old matches. 
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THE BIG SICK<\/a><\/h2>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n        I\u2019ve really liked Kumail Nanjiani ever since my brother told me how funny he was on twitter and on \u201cSilicon Valley\u201d and I always like liking things my brother likes and he always seemed to have that Elleny trait of being funny without being offensive or mean (Kumail, not my brother, although maybe both maybe both) so I looked forward to seeing his little movie with Zoe Kazan, who I love, and enjoying a little romcom that was funny without being offensive or mean. I didn\u2019t really know what it was about. Who would have guessed that \u201cThe Big Sick\u201d would be one of the best movies of the year? Of many years? This is not at all a romcom like I and others expected, not at all. It\u2019s a completely realistic look at a new relationship that is challenged by believable things that end it and then is challenged by a really unbelievable thing that saves it. And it\u2019s a true story.
\n                Kumail and his wife, Emily Gordon, pretty heavily spoil the movie they wrote about their love story by being married. They tell the story of how they met when Kumail was a fledging comedian, how they had a good time for a while, and how they broke up because Kumail\u2019s family was weird about him marrying a Pakistani girl and he was weird about keeping a box of their photos. But if I met Vella Lovell in real life I would keep her picture in a weird creepy box too, just saying. They break up and it\u2019s sad but life goes on OR NOT because Emily falls into a coma and the doctors have no idea what\u2019s going on and it\u2019s terrifying because she\u2019s so young and Zoe and you\u2019re like omg is she going to die? And Kumail stays by her bedside the entire time and that\u2019s incredibly sweet and moving but also kinda awkward because she dumped you. Her parents arrive, played by Ray Romano and Holly Hunter in I\u2019m going to say career bests. Their performances should have been nominated for all the awards because they are pitch perfect and they so perfectly play off each other so maybe the Oscars should have a Best Couple category like the MTV Awards or whoever does that, Kids Choice? and add them in last minute. They flawlessly capture the complexities of parents dealing with this trauma while also dealing with their own marital problems.
\n                As our unobtrusive hero who holds fast to his convictions about this girl he loves, Kumail quietly shines and wins your heart. Even though his standup in the movie is objectively painful, you really want him to get everything he wants, even a standup special. This is a horrible movie to watch on a plane, which I did once, because we landed with 20 seconds to go in the movie. You would think that a movie\u2019s plot couldn\u2019t hinge on the last 20 seconds, right? Usually it\u2019s just like a wide shot of a field or a sunrise or something and everything that has happened before is the whole story, nothing can change. But the very last shot of this movie is very important and turns the whole thing from good but sad to omg let\u2019s throw a celebratory fiesta. Luckily I had seen it before but I feel bad for anyone who just assumed \u2018wow that was sad I didn\u2019t see the last few seconds but what could have happened? Sad movie.\u2019 And it was sad but oh my god was it beautiful and then all of a sudden not so sad. I remember when Cameron Crowe won an award for \u201cJerry Maguire\u201d (I think it was this matchup but I could be wrong) and he was like \u2018thank goodness I won because if I didn\u2019t it would mean you didn\u2019t like my life\u2019 and I\u2019m like first of all that\u2019s not what that means, but second if that were a thing, this movie should definitely win something because it\u2019s actually their life story, you were not a sports agent who married the mother of the cutest little boy in existence until my nephew showed up, Cameron<\/em>. 
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BLADERUNNER 2049<\/a><\/h2>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n       Let\u2019s start off by saying that unlike with \u201cGilmore Girls: A Year in the Life\u201d, I was not the target audience for this revival of an old beloved creation. I watched the original \u201cBladerunner\u201d before seeing this supposed masterpiece and while Harrison Ford is always great, I\u2019m just meh on it. I don\u2019t like worlds that are so seedy and depressing and where women are literally made as men\u2019s products and playthings and Darryl Hannah\u2019s makeup gave me nightmares for weeks. So I saw this sequel, with Ryan Gosling, and it was just as depressing and seedy and dark and you know, it\u2019s just not the kind of movie I want to see at this point in our society\u2019s floundering. Seeing the future of our miserable world as even more miserable instead of giving us hope that we will somehow improve? Nah thanks though. Most of all, this overly long movie pissed me off because it took the misogyny of the first and capitalized on it. The makers thought \u2018hmm what was the best part of the first. Harrison Ford? No, let\u2019s not have more of him, let\u2019s have more misogyny and treatment of women as playthings in the man\u2019s world. That\u2019s what today\u2019s society wants to see!\u2019 And it was incredibly misogynist. Don\u2019t you dare point to our queen Robin Wright\u2019s token role as a police captain to say that it couldn\u2019t be. All the women in this existed to augment the men\u2019s stories, and in many cases were created by men for that purpose because it\u2019s about androids and shit. They could have shaved off a lot of unnecessary time by cutting the scene where the punk girl morphs into Ryan\u2019s virtual slave girl so he could have sex with her you know what I am so horrified that that sentence actually accurately describes a plot point in a movie that exists today that I need to stop. Ryan Gosling was good I guess but I prefer him when he is dancing all cute and saving jazz, no matter how racist that is. 
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BORG MCENROE<\/a><\/h2>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n        Like I said above, there\u2019s yet to be a tennis movie that is worth the time spent watching instead of just watching real tennis. When it\u2019s about a specific historic match, watch the damn match instead; it\u2019ll be more exciting. But surprise of all surprises, \u201cBorg McEnroe\u201d, with SHIA LABEOUF, was better than \u201cBattle of the Sexes\u201d, with EMMA STONE. Why? Because they actually played tennis in this one and didn\u2019t just have naked girls in hotel beds, which are FAMOUSLY DISGUSTING. (Never let your skin touch anything in a hotel room that isn\u2019t white. The colored throws and pillows never get washed. You\u2019re welcome.) In fact, they didn\u2019t have any love scenes! (Okay, this might be incorrect \u2013 I watched on an Emirates flight and they did censor other things (I tried to watch \u201cCrazy Ex-Girlfriend\u201d and their censorship people CLEARLY did not know what to do with that) so maybe I just watched the version with the love scenes cut but you know what, that\u2019s the damn good version and the only thing I\u2019ll thank Emirates for (they sucked)). And all the personal backstory was about the game, and only the game, and how the two men grew to be the players \u2013 not the people, the players<\/em> \u2013 they were in competition. I don\u2019t want extraneous b.s. in my tennis movies, I JUST WANT TENNIS.
\n                Shia Labeouf was g-d perfect casting as John McEnroe, two entitled, volatile brats who don\u2019t realize how annoying they are (don\u2019t get me wrong I love me some Johnny Mac nowadays as a commentator but he\u2019s still kind of a d-bag and back in his day, man alive, was he the worst. Stop YELLING, White Man! your days are numbered). He gave the young John a bit of humanity (in his quieter moments) and actually made you feel for him and you REALLY didn\u2019t want his dad to be disappointed in him. But the real star was Sverrir Gudnason (I honestly thought it was a Skarsgard) as Bjorn Borg, a dead-ringer for the tennis great and incredible in this role. He was so believable and so effective at portraying the volcano of emotion and rage simmering below Bjorn\u2019s surface of robotic calm. To use the flashbacks to show that the two players had more in common \u2013 particularly their anger and explosive natures \u2013 than anyone would ever predict, was a smart way to frame the movie in the buildup to their huge Wimbledon match. Not knowing how it ended in real life really helps with getting into the drama and the stakes of this match \u2013 Borg\u2019s trying to make history with an epic fifth consecutive win, Johnny\u2019s trying to prove himself as more than a shithead miscreant, especially to the Brits who despised him (they love manners). And I didn\u2019t remember who won this one! I know Borg had a shittonne of Wimbles\u2026es but I didn\u2019t remember if he got to five in a row, and I knew Johnny won Wimbles several times but I wasn\u2019t sure when, so I was really into this movie. Again, it would have been better to watch the real match in full, but for a movie version of it, this wasn\u2019t half bad. I learned a lot about the two players and how they came to be tennis champions, and most importantly there was<\/em> a Skarsgard in it (Stellan, as Borg\u2019s coach\/father figure) which you expect in a Scandinavian movie, so all was well.  
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BREATHE<\/a><\/h2>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n        I\u2019m surprised this movie was kind of thrown by the wayside after it came out because it was super lovely. The Andrew Garfield-led, Andy Serkis-directed piece told the true story of producer Jonathan Cavendish\u2019s actual parents. I didn\u2019t know a thing about the story going in, which is usually the best way, but I went to a screening where all three of the aforementioned men did a live Q&A afterwards so I was pretty darn excited. Maybe that colored my enjoyment of the movie a little but still, it was a very moving tale of this loving family. Andrew Garfield plays Jonny\u2019s father, and his believable young love story with Claire Foy as his mother presented a charming old-fashioned romance. At this beginning stage of the film, I thought \u2018oh so it\u2019s a romcom, my fave.\u2019 Then the couple marries and moves to Africa and they have petite adventures of the type appropriate for classy Brits in the 1950s and I thought \u2018oh fun it\u2019s a travel movie\u2019 and then I thought \u2018oh no are they going to be involved in a war or something I don\u2019t know enough African history\u2019 and THEN Andrew\u2019s Robin Cavendish contracts POLIO at age 28 and is given a death sentence and I thought \u2018ohhh I really didn\u2019t know what this movie was about.\u2019 Instead of dying right quick, as all the medical experts told him he would, Robin fights for decades, with the help of his wife, the young Queen Elizabeth, and becomes an advocate for treating disabled patients with a little bit of humanity. The poignant tale makes you forget that you are watching a true story and that re-realization only strengthens the positive impression this little film makes. Also apparently Robin\u2019s friend created the first wheelchair for him? Cool. I wanted Andrew to get more acclaim for this because after he and Emma broke up she became like the biggest superstar in the world and I kind of felt a little bad for him, as bad as you can feel for a person who has literally every possible privilege in the world, but he\u2019s doing fine he\u2019s doing fine. 
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CALL ME BY YOUR NAME<\/a><\/h2>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n\u200b       I didn\u2019t get to see this one yet! I\u2019m so sorry; I know it\u2019s a huge one to be leaving out. But in my defense, the trailer looked HELLA boring when I saw it in the fall and I was like \u2018nah thanks\u2019 and had nooo idea it was going to be an Oscar movie! Who would have known! We didn\u2019t know who little baby Chalamet was yet and I\u2019m still not over Armie Hammer\u2019s parents naming him ARMIE HAMMER when his g-papa was involved with the Arm & Hammer brand name. Don\u2019t be funny with your kids\u2019 names, people! Unless you\u2019re Penn Jillette because then you are the master at naming babies. Anyway, this movie is supposed to be really lovely and a worthy queer story to follow the year of \u201cMoonlight\u201d winning Best Picture. I like that it\u2019s not good enough now to just have stories with or about minority characters; they have to be good. And this one is said to be great so let\u2019s all see it! you probably did!
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DARKEST HOUR<\/a><\/h2>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n\u200b                This tale of Winston Churchill\u2019s beginnings as Prime Minister was a lot more enjoyable and affecting than I predicted. I just saw it because Gary Oldman is going to win an Oscar (I see that our punishment of male offenders is scattershot at best), but the portrayal of these years during World War II and the British government\u2019s handling of it was riveting, even though you know the ending. And even though Lily James, who is my nemesis, was in this, she was inoffensive and actually there\u2019s one scene where she confides in Winston about her loss in the war and it\u2019s so moving that we may be okay now.
\n                So Gary Oldman is completely unrecognizable in a fat suit and a whole lot of Mrs. Doubtfire-esque chin jowls to play Churchill, one of the most revered and important men in British history. We see him right as he is asked to become Prime Minister when Britain is at war both with the Nazis and with itself, not having a government with a strong will in terms of direction and gumption. So British of them am I right? All his fellow politicians were like \u2018hmmm we could do x or y but I don\u2019t want to be too forward oh pish posh can\u2019t be too forward.\u2019 Winston came in like a wreeeeeeecking baaaaaall and was like shut up and listen to me, I know what we have to do, we gotta go kill us some Nazis. Maybe he didn\u2019t say it like that but honestly thank god for him (the him that is portrayed in the movie, who knows how accurate it was (I mean I\u2019m sure many people do know how accurate it was, that\u2019s what history and records are for but shh do I look like Suetonius)) because while all the other pale scrawny men with upset tummies were like \u2018let\u2019s negotiate with Hitler to save our people!\u2019, Churchill was like \u2018are you f-ing kidding me, you do not negotiate with a terrorist and also why would we trust him to hold to the terms and also HE IS LITERALLY HITLER\u2019. He\u2019s shown as the only British politician with the courage to fight rather than capitulate to the scary mustache baby. I hope that the speeches he gives once he finds his nerve to stand up to the fellow cabinetters who want to negotiate and then hide are accurate, because they were spellbinding. In a time when we are suffering with actually evil politicians who are not only being outsmarted by children but are literally working with Nazis, it was a little tearjerky and a little heartbreaking to remember that once upon a time a leader of a major nation was not only unwilling to work with Nazis, he wasn\u2019t<\/em> one. 
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THE DISASTER ARTIST<\/a><\/h2>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\nDAMMIT FRANCO.
\n        I freaking loved this movie and wanted it to win all kinds of awards just because it\u2019s so hilarious and would be so hilarious to do so, but Franco had to go be a Hollywood man and ignore the rights of women and only care about his own desires and go ruin everything for everyone.
\n                But this was a gloriously perfect movie, a hysterical takedown of \u201cThe Room\u201d, the famous worst movie of all time, and it\u2019s creator, the famously insane Tommy Wiseau. Knowing \u201cThe Room\u201d makes this behind-the-scenes look at it even sweeter, but it\u2019s not necessary to enjoy the genius ridiculousness. James Franco gets all of Tommy\u2019s mannerisms down, but more importantly he gets his voice down, with the impossible-to-place accent and usually-impossible-to-understand inflections. Anytime James verbalized anything even a little, the audience was rolling in their seats. It\u2019s really a testament to Franco\u2019s talent, begrudgingly as I admit that, that even just a random word here or there produced some of the funniest moments of the year, all because of his delivery and his really strong direction. (He directed it too.) It\u2019s kind of mean but kind of loving in its treatment of Wiseau and the entire infamous shitshow of a shoot. The cast and crew are littered with familiar faces, and it\u2019s not even worth it to try to name them all because it would go on forever. But let\u2019s try a few \u2013 there\u2019s Sharon Stone, Melanie Griffiths, Megan Mullally, Seth Rogen (as one of the funniest characters; his short scene in the bank was amazing), Adam Scott, Judd Apatow as a hilarious fictionalized version of a producer like himself, and my fave, Jason Mantzoukas. Oh and Bryan Cranston as himself. This movie is RIDICULOUS and crazy and somehow it all came together perfectly. James Franco really knows what he is doing outside the bedroom. The water bottle scene was one of the best comedic takes in forever.
\n                If you haven\u2019t seen it yet, I recommend it wholeheartedly and suggest that you watch \u201cThe Room\u201d after<\/em>, not before, as many say to do. Watching \u201cThe Room\u201d first, you may get more of the jokes and references in \u201cThe Disaster Artist\u201d, but watching it after will be so much more rewarding because you\u2019ve seen the making of it, or at least \u2018a\u2019 making of it, and you will appreciate the nonsense in it even more. 
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DUNKIRK<\/a><\/h2>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n        \u200bConsidering how many war movies we\u2019ve had to sit through over the years, and how many we can safely bet will continue to flood into existence, not saying anything new but trying to say the same \u2018war is bad\u2019 message in different\/bloodier ways, \u201cDunkirk\u201d stands out as one of the great recent war movies that indeed told the same \u2018war is bad\u2019 message but in a nice way. The film tells the story of how thousands upon thousands of Allied troops were stranded on the beaches of Dunkirk, in northern France, during the Battle of France. They were surrounded by German forces and had nowhere to go and no way to get anywhere anyway. They were being bombed even at this tiny enclave as they waited for help that they had no idea would really arrive. But help did arrive, in part, by the famous flotilla of civilian boats sent across the channel \u2013 little fishing boats, sailboats, personal yachts, whatever British people had, they sent out to collect the men. The three interweaving stories, telling tales of valor over land, sea, and air, worked very well to knit a full picture of what was happening at this point in the war. I loved that they seemed to be happening concurrently, in the beginning, but further development showed that they were more staggered. I loved that Mark Rylance was in it and I had no idea. Actually, I had no idea about any of the cast. I was shocked to see Cillian Murphy and Tom Hardy and Kenneth Branagh too! Apparently Harry Styles of Uno Directiones was in it too and I don\u2019t remember who he was so good job blending in, not that I would recognize him. And I loved that they didn\u2019t kill off all our main characters in an attempt to be realistic. We know what happens in war; no need to sacrifice our movie enjoyment too. Okay they did<\/em> kill a young kid and that was super awful but also it was a big surprise\u2026so\u2026at\u2026least\u2026there\u2019s\u2026that?
\n        I\u2019m sure their creators want the films to stand on their own merit, and they do, but this is a great companion piece to \u201cDarkest Hour\u201d, and both are improved by watching them together. In \u201cDarkest Hour\u201d, Churchill confers with his cabinet about the problem at Dunkirk \u2013 all the abandoned men, no good way to save them \u2013 and we see just a bit of what happens. Here, it\u2019s like you paused \u201cDarkest Hour\u201d and hit the \u2018Tell me more!\u2019 button on your audioguide in a museum or something, and got more of the story of this important moment in the war. I love how perfectly the two British tales of WWII connect and how they strengthen each other by giving detail on one hand and context on the other. Christopher Nolan did a nice job of marrying the harrowing aspects with the inspiring parts of the story, to avoid the soul-crushing depression that war movies usually produce while forestalling the risk of being too hopeful. It is war, after all. 
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GET OUT<\/a><\/h2>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n\u200b                FAAAAAAAACKing hell, this movie was INTENSE. I screamed \u201cOH MY GOD CHRIS GET OUT —- GET OUT —- I GUESS THAT\u2019S WHY IT\u2019S CALLED THAT\u201d at least 40 times (I was at home don\u2019t worry). First off, let me explain that I cannot and do not watch horror movies, thrillers, anything that is the least bit scary, ever since friends made me watch Scream in seventh grade and I have had to check my closets and under the bed every night ever since. JUST NOPE. The ghost scenes in the new \u201cGhostbusters\u201d movie were too scary for my fragile sensibilities. So I was not looking forward to seeing \u201cGet Out\u201d, which is a horror film, but I knew I had to because everyone said it was amazing. How can a horror movie be amazing? I asked this question over and over, wondering if the whole world was conspiring together to force me to watch a regular-old scary movie that would be regular and scary and then when it finished and my life wasn\u2019t rocked, they would point and laugh and shout \u2018hahahha we made you watch it for no reason it\u2019s just a regular scary movie!\u2019 It is not.
\n                \u201cGet Out\u201d, from comedic mastermind Jordan Peele, is not funny as you\u2019d expect from him, but it is freaking brilliant. I knew going in that it was supposedly genius about race, but with it being a horror movie, I just expected that maybe racists were gonna be murdered. It\u2019s not that at all. Okay, racists do<\/em> get murdered and that\u2019s nice but there\u2019s so much more to it than that. \u201cGet Out\u201d is the story of a black guy named Chris (Daniel Kaluuya, who is fantastic and so believable and omg the stillface crying amazing) who goes with his white girlfriend (Alison Williams) to her family\u2019s, like, compound<\/em> in the woods<\/em> (already a red flag, man) to meet her parents. Alright, that sounds\u2026fine? Chris\u2019s best friend, whose real-life name is Lil Rey so that\u2019s what we are going to call him because why would you ever rename that, is like dude don\u2019t ever go to meet a white girl\u2019s fam, that shit\u2019s gonna be bad. And Chris is like calm down and go back to violating air travelers\u2019 basic constitutional rights, it\u2019ll be fine. Lil Rey was right though, because immediately things are weird. Alison\u2019s parents, Bradley Whitford and Catherine Keener in like the most g-d perfect casting ever, are that sort of outwardly nice but creepy and uncomfortable in the way you can\u2019t really call out without sounding like a douche. At first, I mean; later you can say why very clearly. They say things like how they would have voted for Obama a third time to obviously try to show that they are so cool with black people but it really shows how wrong they get it. Her brother, played by Caleb Landry Jones who is just all over the Oscar map this year (he\u2019s the ad guy who gets thrown out the window in \u201cThree Billboards\u201d), is terrifyingly unhinged and prime for a fight even though he is a weak-looking white boy. He has that totally unstable, deranged look of a psychopath in his eyes from the start, and you think oh this guy is the scary racist one but nope everyone is. There are two black servants in the house\/compound, and Chris tries to reach out to them and find some common ground, but something is seriously off with them. They have fake smiles and don\u2019t seem to be capable of basic honest interactions. Something is off, like their minds are under external control.
\n                Alison claims to have forgotten that her grandfather is having a huge let\u2019s-have-all-our-rich-white-out-of-touch-friends-over party that same weekend, so Chris has to deal with a barrage of odd, racist-but-not-enough-to-call-out comments on his physical appearance and his relationship and everything. These scenes so perfectly call out white liberals who think that if they aren\u2019t wearing a Klan hood, they can\u2019t possibly be racist. But it\u2019s clear that the white people find black people to be other. Things get extra creepy when Catherine Keener hypnotizes Chris, ostensibly to quit smoking but she breaks him down to his rawest emotional core to do so. Then, at the party, there is one other black man, a man we met in the terrifying opening scene of the movie, seemingly unrelated to the plot we\u2019ve seen so far. It\u2019s a man that Chris knew was missing from Brooklyn a few months back, and now finds him married to an old white lady and is acting, well, different, like a stuffy old rich white man living in the woods might act. Chris is freaked out and calls Lil Rey and Lil Rey is like ahh get out of there (that\u2019s why it\u2019s called that). When Chris finds a pile of photos of Alison (yes Chris is the only character\u2019s name I\u2019m using does it matter?) and other black boyfriends, and one of her with the maid, he knows something sinister is going on. He tries to leave and the family \u2013 including Alison, the one he thought was on his side \u2013 blocks him from leaving and you think ohhh shit, here we go. Catherine\u2019s previous hypnotism means that as soon as she makes a certain sound again, Chris passes out, and he wakes up locked in the basement. Shit got real, real fast.
\n                You could never guess the revelations to come, and as out-there as they are (I mean who besides Joey Tribbiani believes in brain transplants?), everything is done with such a keen eye towards a deeper meaning that it doesn\u2019t even matter how sci-fi things are; you buy into this world Peele has created and everything adds up in it. Of course the big scary secret is full-on bodily takeover through intricate medical procedures. Of course this rich white family has made their fortune through the subjugation of black people, and of course they don\u2019t think there\u2019s anything wrong with that. One of the best moments is the montage-y, wordless bit where Chris and Alison are off talking about how creepy everyone is, while Bradley supposedly takes the guests to play Bingo. But it\u2019s clear they aren\u2019t playing Bingo; they are holding up Bingo cards in what seems to be an auction, with a portrait of Chris at the front. There\u2019s no getting around what they are bidding on, as if they have the right to buy and sell black people just because they are white, and the too-accurate similarity to a slave auction is undeniable. And while they are buying the men for slightly different reasons, the mindset allowing for this still comes from the same place, of the sort of racism that tells them they have the right to do this by virtue of their skin color.
\n                Every second of this movie, and every bit of acting, informs the overall story so well that it requires repeated viewings to catch everything. The servants you thought were merely brainwashed and\/or scary are more complex than that, and their initial impressions do more than you gave credit for. I honestly did not predict that Alison was going to be part of the scheme, and her physical transformation from cute and fun to terrifyingly sinister is really well done (she looks like Sharon Stone in \u201cBasic Instinct\u201d afterwards). The initially friendly manners of the family aren\u2019t simply a cover for their true evil, they also mirror how people in real life think that if they act nice, that means they can\u2019t be racist, that they are good people, even if they are actively taking your rights away, even though Sondheim taught us long ago that nice and good aren\u2019t the same thing. I couldn\u2019t really sleep after I watched this movie because I was so terrified of Bradley Whitford but more than that I was shook, as a white person and as a person living in a society that pretty much the same as the one depicted, albeit minus a few steps in medicine. And that\u2019s the point of the movie, isn\u2019t it? It\u2019s horrifying but in a smart way, to make viewers really consider what they are watching and more importantly what they are a part of in real life.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n
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THE HOUSE<\/a><\/h2>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n\u200bJason Mantzoukas is a goddamn treasure so I included this not great but still fun romp of a DEREK!
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I, TONYA<\/a><\/h2>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n\u200b                Like \u201cI, Claudius\u201d before it, \u201cI, Tonya\u201d tells the tragic story of a person who was underestimated from the get-go and never given a fair chance to thrive. Okay, a little less tragic and with a little less at stake than the Roman empire but that\u2019s what they were going for, I imagine. Boy oh boy, now this is a dark comedy. Every movie that came before and called itself a dark comedy, and every movie that comes after and wants to do so, take note. This is the pinnacle of dark comedy, and it\u2019s amazing. I\u2019m honestly shocked that it didn\u2019t get nominated for Best Picture, because it really should have. It\u2019s expertly done, without a slow or unnecessary second in its fascinating take on a well known story.
\n                As I\u2019m sure you do, I remember vividly the lead-up to the 1994 Lillehammer Winter Olympics, when Nancy Kerrigan was attacked. Everyone remembers the news channels, newly reveling in their ability to broadcast bullshit across the airwaves 24\/7, playing over and over and over her screaming \u201cWhyyyyyyy!!!\u201d It was so sad. Somehow, \u201cI, Tonya\u201d makes that clip of her screaming funny<\/em>. It\u2019s not \u2013 it\u2019s horrifying \u2013 but the movie\u2019s lead up to it is so funny and well done that the audience laughed at her screaming. Now that\u2019s super dark. Anyway, we all remember how Tonya Harding became a name that will live in infamy, as she was widely suspected to have known about the attack that her bodyguard set up. This movie pretends to be based on interviews with Tonya and her husband and is similar to an older documentary about the subject. Despite the docu-style content, it is still made very clear that we still do not know and never will know the truth about what happened \u2013 both to Nancy and to Tonya throughout her life. Every player tells a different version of events, and one of the most genius parts, and most frustrating, is that they remind us that we really will never know the truth, because I don\u2019t know about you but I don\u2019t exactly trust Tonya Harding hundo p at her word, and you definitely don\u2019t trust her mother or husband. Tonya becomes the most sympathetic character in a room full of horrible people.
\n                Margot Robbie as Tonya took me by surprise. I never gave her credit for her acting ability, considering her past roles have usually focused on her just being pretty. But she makes a sensational Tonya, if a little too pretty. She\u2019s angry and rough and strong at times and weak at times and it\u2019s so fully developed. It\u2019s an incredible performance and this whole Tonya Harding redemption thing that\u2019s going on, which is weird because she may be a criminal who attacked a friend and competitor, is happening because her performance makes you really want Tonya the character to succeed and get treated better and that blurs the lines between her and the real-life version. The other sensational performance in this movie is Allison Janney as her mother LaVona, a black-hearted witch if there ever was one. This kind of role is so much fun for the actor, who can completely let go of everything and wallow in being pure evil but kind of funny. Allison is always great, and here she is so incredibly wicked it\u2019s riveting, if terrifying.
\n                A lot of Tonya\u2019s life, as depicted, is terrifying. Her father abandons her early on, and she never stood a chance alone with her cruel, abusive mother, who beats her almost as much as her first boyfriend and then husband Jeff does. Luckily, through all of that turmoil, she was able to skate, and she had something special that fancy coaches saw. Unfortunately, the hoity toity judges in figure skating never gave her a fair shake, because they wanted their leading skaters to represent the sport with class \u2013 meaning, they hated Tonya because she wasn\u2019t very pretty, or petite, or rich, or otherwise fancy-looking. She was told to get a fur coat so the sport would acknowledge her presence, so she, being dirt poor, made one from animals she hunted. (Vegan note: Close your eyes when she is a little girl and hunting with her dad.) Worst of all, she became the best at one point, always landing her jumps with athletic prowess, always skating her heart out, but because her hand-sewn costumes didn\u2019t look nice, and because her power wasn\u2019t as girly and delicate and innocuous as they wanted, the judges across the sport kept her from taking her place at the top. That is, until they couldn\u2019t deny her any longer \u2013 when she became the first woman in the world to land a triple axel in competition. No one else even had the balls to attempt one, and she was out there landing them with aplomb. For that brief, shining moment leading up to her first Olympics, she was the best and had a world of good prospects.
\n                But her f-ing husband was a piece of shit, and his repeated beatings messed with her mind so much that it kept her from doing her best. If she tried to get away from him, her mother would pick up the slack. In present-day interviews, older and wiser Tonya (a truly horrid Margot, in really impressive latex and makeup, just great job all around) would recount all the trauma and trouble she encountered and repeatedly add in that x and y weren\u2019t her fault. And they weren\u2019t, but after a few more instances you realize that she doesn\u2019t accept credit for anything that happened in her life. Nothing was her fault, and maybe most of it wasn\u2019t, most of it was awful people being awful to her, but in avoiding any responsibility she also avoided doing anything to improve her unfair situation.
\n                And that\u2019s what this movie does so well. Amid all the brilliant skating (I love figure skating so all the actual routines they showed (with Margot and two trained doubles) I adored) and all the competitiveness was a look at the everyday human condition, the introspective look at what makes some people able to ascend their upbringings or get past their hardships and what makes them stuck there. And despite being really depressing, seeing how unfair everything in her life was, it was also hilarious. A lot of this was from her beyond-bumbling bodyguard Shawn, a true idiot if there ever was one, who bungled everything he put his giant greasy hands on. No matter what we know or don\u2019t know about Tonya and Jeff\u2019s role in the attack, we know Shawn was the \u2018mastermind\u2019, and he is portrayed so hysterically as just a giant sack of stupid. I loved when they included his prime time TV interview, in which he said he was an international counter-terrorism expert, and the news anchor was like \u2018\u2026no you\u2019re not.\u2019 Tonya\u2019s husband, Jeff, was a different kind of idiot, a sleazy, less obvious idiot but an idiot nonetheless. That these brainless boobs tried to get away with a crime of any sort, let alone a high-profile one related to the Olympics, is mind-boggling. And as for Tonya herself, the movie creates a host of contrasting emotions and I guess that\u2019s what the point is. Whereas everyone was taught to simply hate her at one point, the movie makes you feel bad for her, feel sorry for her upbringing, feel angry that she was treated so terribly by every single person in her life (except the nice lady coach), and of course feel conflicted that maybe she knew more than she said she did. I really never would have guessed that a movie about Tonya Harding would be incredibly enjoyable, funny, and moving.
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LADY BIRD<\/a><\/h2>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n       I love Greta Gerwig\u2019s work \u2013 I jived (jove) with \u201cFrances Ha\u201d so completely \u2013 so I had high expectations for \u201cLady Bird\u201d and a little bit of fear that it would not be as amazing as everyone said. I mean 100% on Rotten Tomatoes is a really crazy reputation to live up to. But even with horrible annoying loud people sitting near me in the theatre, it was the most sublime movie-going experience. Every second of this film was, like gum, perfection. Despite having a great mother who puts Laurie Metcalf\u2019s character to shame in every way, I guess I am the target audience, especially given that, like Lady Bird, I was also a high school senior in 2003. So while that may mean I was primed to enjoy it, I was also in a position of expertise to critique anything that felt wrong or forced. But there was none of that. Greta absolutely nailed every inch of what it was like to be a teenage girl then, from the total poseur characters you meet and can\u2019t call out for their bullshit to endlessly listening to DMB. She drew upon a great deal of her own upbringing in Sacramento to flesh out the characters and the story, which accounts for the authentic feel. There\u2019s not one second in it that doesn\u2019t perfectly serve the movie as a whole. It\u2019s a real feat of filmmaking and it\u2019s my favorite movie of the year. I\u2019m not saying it\u2019s the best \u2013 it\u2019s really hard to say this year, and any year really, when so many have merit \u2013 but this is the one I can\u2019t wait to see again.
\n                \u201cLady Bird\u201d follows the life of Christine McPherson, a Sacramento teenager who gives the impression of finding herself too cool for her town, too cool for her Catholic high school (I mean who isn\u2019t), and too cool for her family and friends. She believes wholeheartedly that if she could just get to New York, for college, then she would find and be a part of the real life she wants and knows to exist there. It\u2019s so common, that feeling that teens have that real life is happening somewhere else, and they just have to get there to be a part of it, and then when they go they realize that everywhere is pretty much the same and this ideal of \u2018real life\u2019 is up to you to create, regardless of location. But until that realization, people like her resent everything and everyone around them for not being the far-off dream. The meticulous writing exposes her relationships so efficiently, you understand where everyone stands in an instant. For example, in the first scene. Christine (Saoirse Ronan, amazing and omg her accent is perfect can you please teach all the British actors on the West End doing American parts), who wants to be called Lady Bird because of course she does, is in the car with her mom (Laurie Metcalf, a total bitch but soooo good in this) crying at the end of the audiobook of \u201cThe Grapes of Wrath\u201d. When it finishes, Lady Bird goes to put the radio on, and her mom stops her and asks to just sit with what they just heard for a minute (which I SO GET). This pisses Lady Bird off and in the quickest of moments they go from nice bonding moment to all-out fighting and it\u2019s the most believable interaction. You see it coming and you can tell that neither can stop it from happening but there it goes. So precise and flawless.
\n                The cast of characters in school with Lady Bird are just as impeccably depicted. There\u2019s Ladybird\u2019s sweet, overweight best friend Julie (Beanie Feldstein, my FAVORITE, absolutely amazing in \u201cHello, Dolly\u201d on Broadway with Bette Midler<\/a> and now in this movie??? GO BEANS GIT IT), sweet and lovable and the perfect kind of friend for Lady Bird, aspiring popular girl, to drop by the wayside when cooler prospects call for it. There\u2019s Lucas Hedges, more than making up for being in the most overrated movie of the 2010s, \u201cManchester by the Omg I\u2019m asleep so fast\u201d, as Danny, a charming and respectful boy who is great in the school musicals which must mean he\u2019s hiding something. The scene in which he and Lady Bird finally confront each other over his secretly being gay is one of the most moving and remarkable on both actors\u2019 parts. Lucas is heartbreaking in his abject fear of what will happen to him (he goes to a Catholic school remember jfc), and Saoirse goes from cold and angry with him to supportive and compassionate in a split second when she realizes his fear is more important than her being disappointed in a high school relationship. This scene was utter perfection. I mean everything was perfection but this scene will stick with me. I also loved the depiction of Timothee Chalamet\u2019s douchey Kyle (this cast tho), because Greta\u2019s writing nails that kind of white privileged pretty boy who has no idea of anything in the world. \u201cOh I don\u2019t believe in money; I try to barter where I can\u201d and Lady Bird\u2019s like \u201cour private school costs money and you are rich you dingus\u201d well she doesn\u2019t call him a dingus, I added that, because she\u2019s still swooning over his face even though he is suuuch a douuuche. It\u2019s so ACCURATE. And there\u2019s Odeya Rush as popular pretty Jenna, who isn\u2019t nearly all that and a bag of chips but Lady Bird really really wants to be her friend because that\u2019s how teenage girls think.
\n                The essential, poignant relationships are of course those of Lady Bird and her parents. Laurie Metcalf so quickly defines her character with precise bounds, you understand how a teenage girl would react to and try to break them. You clearly see why they each act the way they do, and how their clashing personalities can\u2019t prevent every looming conflict, and while Laurie\u2019s character kind of sucks a lot, you still can understand why she is so harsh (sometimes) and that it (sometimes) comes from a place of love. She is so clearly afraid for what her not-so-hard-working daughter\u2019s life will hold once she is out of the safety of high school, and although she doesn\u2019t prod her daughter in the most positive ways, you see that she just wants the best for her. Her strictness is driven by the fear that her daughter won\u2019t amount to anything once she leaves home. She simultaneously wants Lady Bird to work harder to achieve more and<\/em> lessen her expectations regarding what the real world holds for her. Getting much less acclaim, though no less deserving of it, is Tracy Letts, my main man, as her father. Can I just say, it is SO NICE to see this incredible actor and one of our best living playwrights as a decent, kind man instead of a jackass like his character on \u201cHomeland\u201d, or, as I first saw him, as the hideous psychological tormenter in \u201cWho\u2019s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?\u201d He also writes really disturbing work, like \u201cAugust: Osage County\u201d so yay for giving him a job that just let him be nice and supportive of his family instead of trying to destroy it.
\n                The real stars are of course Saoirse and Greta (kind of sounds like Hansel and Gretl right), creating absolute perfection, one with her vision and imagination, one with her interpretation. I can\u2019t remember a movie that was about a female protagonist that felt so real and lived in. It\u2019s nice to get one. I can\u2019t wait to watch this over and over.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n
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LOVING VINCENT<\/a><\/h2>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n       I watched some of this gloriously beautiful film on an airplane and it made me think for a bit that beauty could still exist in the world despite my being trapped in a building on its side being thrown from one place to another while smelly people were sneezing all around me and while people obviously destined for the Bad Place had taken off their shoes AND SOCKS nearby, thereby depleting any tinge of hope I had left for whatever remains of humanity. But this movie was very pretty, like an animated Starry Night (I think that\u2019s kind of what they were going for\u2026), and so I found an inner smile again and momentarily broke free of the figurative restraints that hatred of fellow humans sometimes bounds me with. And it was fine but I soon lost interest in the plot. 
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MUDBOUND<\/a><\/h2>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n\u200b                I\u2019m glad this Netflix movie is nominated for Best Cinematography, because that\u2019s the main thing I took away from it, how well done the visuals were. I didn\u2019t have that much interest in the story, no thoughts of what I preferred would happen in the end, but it was pleasant to watch. Not pleasant like fun; it was a very depressing story of what life on a poor farm is like when your husband sucks and you have to shower outside and all your stuff is muddy, but nice to watch. Carey Mulligan is always very solid and is so here, as the dirty wife of the mean guy who landed them on this stupid farm. Their story is fine. The more interesting stuff comes from their tenant farmers, Hap and Florence, the latter of whom is played by Mary J. Blige herself, now a two-time Oscar nominee (for this role and for best song). I don\u2019t know if this role is exactly Oscar-worthy (I do know; it\u2019s not), but she is pleasant to watch. A lot about this movie is pleasant, nothing more, nothing less, which is still a great feat for a movie that features a good deal of racism and an attack by the KKK. Okay I forgot about that last part until now so maybe not the most pleasant movie. I loved Mary\u2019s son, Rondell, who went off to war and fell in love with a white German lady and was so happy because racism doesn\u2019t exist in Germany. But once he was back, the KKK did not like the gall he was showing, such gall, thinking he had the right to quiet enjoyment of his life and the right to fight in a war for their freedom and all, so there is a big attack scene that I watched most of through my fingers. I\u2019m glad there was a sort of happy ending, but I don\u2019t have very strong feelings about this movie. It was fine, parts were well done, the acting was fine, the things it was trying to say were fine. Just nothing special. 
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MURDER ON THE ORIENT EXPRESS<\/a><\/h2>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n                How do you have a cast like this and not produce the best movie of the year? I remembered the main gist of the story from the book (everyone did it!) but forgot that everyone was connected to the same crime committed by the victim. Somehow, it seemed corny instead of revelatory like in the book. As much as I love Kenneth Branagh, I think I need to stop using all the extra credit he earned for \u201cMuch Ado About Nothing\u201d (the best) and start holding him accountable for his directing misfires.
\n                In this very nice to look at film, Kenneth plays Hercule Poirot, famous detective, doing a ridiculous French accent because apparently no one in Kenneth\u2019s life ever tells him no. He\u2019s in like Istanbul or something and he solves a crime that gets a police man in trouble, so that\u2019s a great start, but then it\u2019s confusing and you\u2019re like okay somehow he\u2019s on a fancy train, not sure why or how considering the crime he needs to solve on the train didn\u2019t happen yet, whatever. Then you see this incredibly fancy train and you\u2019re like what the actual fuck because what trains really look like that, where are the flooding toilets of recycled water and the Uzbek men taking off their shirts and the babies running around naked and screaming at you in Chinese and the heat, my god the heat? Fancy people know how to travel. And you see Johnny Depp flirt with Michelle Pfeiffer and Josh Gad in a silly mustache and Leslie Odom, Jr. NOT singing and also in a silly mustache and you see Penelope Cruz and you are like what the actual fuck are you doing in this movie and then there\u2019s a Jedi and then there\u2019s Judi Dench and by this point you\u2019re like no this is too much nonsense. How do so many good actors produce so horrendous acting? Is that a result of poor direction or the camera speed where everything looks like the news? So much potential but so poorly managed, and I don\u2019t know whether to blame Kenneth or just recognize that this story is best told in book form. Maybe both maybe both.<\/p>\n

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PHANTOM THREAD<\/a><\/h2>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n\u200bI don\u2019t think England knows this movie exists, so unforch I kinda didn\u2019t either. Send me a screener! 
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THE POST<\/a><\/h2>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n      I\u2019m sorry but this is the other one on the list that I haven\u2019t seen yet. What can I say I was in Australia while all the movies were here! But it sounds great. Streep good, Spielberg good, Hanks GOOD! The story sounds super relevant for today (with the Washington Post being one of the few sources we can sometimes trust) so I am eager to see it. I guess it\u2019s not as good as \u201cSpotlight\u201d, or maybe the Academy is just done with journalism movies winning for this decade, so it\u2019s not getting much attention despite the caliber of those involved. They made this super fast too, right? Like in response to the political climate right now? So impressive. Look at me I can say so much about movies I haven\u2019t seen I\u2019m like a white man on the internet! 
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THE SHAPE OF WATER<\/a><\/h2>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n                If ever a story should not have worked as well as it did. Guillermo del Toro\u2019s brilliant, beautiful look at what happens when an unassuming little mute lady falls in love with a sea monster being tortured and examined by government researchers is a lot more touching and less revolting than it sounds. I don\u2019t know how he did it, but it\u2019s a testament to his brilliance that this really unbelievable, weird as shit story felt so believable. Or at least a little more acceptable. Okay it\u2019s not acceptable to have affairs with sea creatures but you get what I mean, it doesn\u2019t feel as weird in the moment. Lil Guillermino created an entire dazzling world to set his story in, and this world is so full and complete that it feels sad to leave it when it\u2019s over. Also it has the most fun title of the year to play with, because you can say \u2018The Shape of Wooder\u2019 to be like you\u2019re from Philly AND you can say \u2018The Shape of Warder\u2019 to pretend like you are George St. Geegland<\/a> because that is hundo p how he would say it.
\n\u200b                \u201cThe Shape of Water\u201d (whatever container it\u2019s in? heyoooo) tells the story of Eliza, a kind little woman who is mute and has only her older gay neighbor Giles (Richard Jenkins, always so good) to spend time with outside of work. She works as a cleaning lady in a government research facility, where her only friend there is the always hilarious Octavia Spencer as Zelda, talking enough for the both of them. Soon the two Michaels enter the scene: Michael Stuhlbarg, a govvie scientist (named Dr. Robert Hoffstetler, which I\u2019m sharing because I think my high school English teacher was named Robert Hostetler it\u2019s close it\u2019s close) , is helping examine a new \u2018asset\u2019 in the lab, a man-sized sea creature that will help them fight the Russians\u2026somehow\u2026; and Michael Shannon, always terrifying, is the Colonel in charge of the operation who really just wants to bash the thing open and examine it that way, and also wants to take all the joy out of the world. Zelda and Eliza are tasked with cleaning the lab where the creature\u2019s giant tank is located and FOR SOME UNKNOWN REASON they are often LEFT THERE UNMONITORED. I mean really, of all the crazy shit that happens in this movie, what with a sea creature not only EXISTING but being able to fall in love with humans and<\/em> cure their baldness, THIS was the most unbelievable part. There\u2019s no way in hell that a government lab would ever leave an alien type life form unattended, especially with civilians in there with him\/it.
\n                But let\u2019s suspend that little touch of disbelief for now because we\u2019ve already accepted this world where the creature exists anyway. At the beginning, you\u2019re like, is this going to be some really weird Beauty and the Beast situation where we\u2019re supposed to be okay with bestiality? But after a little while you\u2019re like eh what\u2019s the harm, and you stop holding onto your doubt and your scruples because this world onscreen is so gloriously considered that it doesn\u2019t really matter what you personally think. And all the thoughts I had early on like looking around and saying \u2018um this is weird, guys\u2019 to the ghost of Guillermo in the theatre with me quickly vanished and I was just like \u2018alright I\u2019m buying into this.\u2019 Even my initial annoyance that Sally Hawkins had to be completely naked in the beginning went away the next time she was naked (she was naked a lot) and I just totally bought that she had to be naked a lot. Guillermo is a wizard.
\n                So Eliza, although she has two whole friends, is still pretty lonely, and she slowly starts to befriend the sea creature, whom we will refer to, because I\u2019m tired of typing sea creature, as\u2026Baby Fish Mouth. She feels bad for it because mean old Michael Shannon keeps beating and electrocuting it into submission because he is another great example of fragile white masculinity in a man who needs to oppress those in positions of lesser privilege than him in order to continue feeling like he has a hold on his undeserved power. He really hurts Baby Fish Mouth okay that\u2019s not going to work either, okay he\u2019s like a mermaid, well a merman, right so let\u2019s call himmmm Ethel Merman oh my goddddd this is my best work. Omg they should have called Eliza \u2018Ethel\u2019 because they he could be Ethel\u2019s Merman. Okay so Eliza is very sweet and like one of those rare decent humans who feels empathy for others in pain and shockingly doesn\u2019t want any being to suffer, so she starts sneaking in to the lab and giving Merman eggs to eat and teaching him signs for things. One of the main reasons she is drawn to his company is because he is like her in his silence and his communicating with signs, and she doesn\u2019t really have anyone like that in her life, anyone who sees her for what she is and doesn\u2019t judge her as lacking anything. It\u2019s weird af I know but it\u2019s really sweet when you break down the reasons for their connection. Over time (not as much as you\u2019d think though; you\u2019d think that a human would need a little more time to come around to the idea of taking a mermaid as a lover but here we are), their connection deepens, and when Eliza overhears the Colonel\u2019s plan to kill Merman against the protestations of the guy who is actually a scientist (and a Russian spy, but that\u2019s neither here nor there), she is initially devastated and then determined to save his life. With the help of Giles, and with the grudging consent of Zelda, Eliza undertakes to save the life of the man? thing? Merman she loves and keep him in her bathtub for just a bit until the rains allow the canal to open to the ocean. It all makes a lot of sense.
\n                Because this world of the movie is so meticulously formed and so beautifully rendered, with every word and frame carefully considered, it manages to expertly handle so many things at once – the evil government operative with a great deal of power, the Russian spy who may still be a decent man who means well, adorable old Richard Jenkins trying to pick up a pie shop worker, the fact that Giles and Eliza live above a movie theatre, and of course the love story between a mute lady and a SEA MONSTER \u2013 without ever feeling like there\u2019s too much going on or that something could have been cut. Everything feels necessary to tell the complete story, and it\u2019s so well done. The revelation of what Eliza\u2019s scars may have always been meant for was one of my favorite moments in movies this year, maybe ever. I was super stressed out the entire time watching this movie \u2013 there\u2019s a lot to worry about \u2013 but at that moment, towards the end, there\u2019s a feeling of resolution and it resolves everything that came before, like one complete perfect circle that you didn\u2019t know was going to be a circle until that moment. It feels so natural, that it had to end like that, and even though this story is wacky af on paper, onscreen it\u2019s beautiful and poignant.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n
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STAR WARS: THE LAST JEDI<\/a><\/h2>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n\u200b     This movie was all climax and I\u2019m still angry about it. Instead of having waves of drama ebb and flow, this was all the top part of the wave, like when bad actors in plays scream all their lines to convey drama but instead because they are all screamed the screaming loses all effect and it\u2019s just like what stop it. It was just action coming at you the whole time so nothing really mattered or made a dent and your eyes just glazed over and you’re like what happened to JJ, guys.
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THREE BILLBOARDS OUTSIDE EBBING, MISSOURI<\/a><\/h2>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n                Although I am still a bit conflicted about this film, I can\u2019t deny that it was so enjoyable to watch. Enjoyable might not be the right word because it is debilitating in its melancholy, but it was really a great movie. It\u2019s only when you think about it outside the viewing experience that you\u2019re like wait\u2026what\u2026.that\u2019s a little screwed up. Lemme splain.
\n                Frances McDormand, who apparently only does amazing work, like has she ever ever done something that wasn\u2019t incredible, plays Mildred Hayes, the grieving mother of Lucas Hedges (yet again; who is this kid\u2019s agent) and a girl who has been abducted and murdered. She is furious, as one would be, that the local police department, run by Woody Harrelson and \u2018helped\u2019 by an inept Sam Rockwell, still hasn\u2019t found the murderer or served any kind of justice, meaning that Frances isn\u2019t being allowed to fully grieve. As such, she decides to take matters into her own hands, to try to get something done. She hires the three titular billboards to call out the police department \u2013 Woody\u2019s chief in particular \u2013 and ask why nothing has been done. And although everyone in town kind of hates her for it, it does light a fire under their asses a bit, and spurs further investigation in a case that most of the people wanted to forget about.
\n                Woody\u2019s chief is actually a decent man, who understands where Mildred is coming from although he doesn\u2019t like it. He\u2019s also dying of cancer, which doesn\u2019t seem like the moooost necessary plot point, but it does mean that the town hates her even more for being hard on him. I mean, she just wants him to do his job, but he is so beloved and it\u2019s so sad that he\u2019s suffering that she gets lots of death threats. Like she gives a shit. The sense that, although the two of them can\u2019t really stand each other, they understand and maybe respect each other, is well established and it\u2019s unfortunate that it\u2019s so short-lived. One part that was really not well done, and sticks out like a sore thumb as just the weirdest<\/em> part of the movie, is Woody\u2019s last jaunt with his wife and the letter he writes her after. That letter is awkward as ass. No one would write that kind of stuff ever, let alone in a suicide note. I call bullshit.
\n                There\u2019s a lot that seems extraneous but it all works together to inform the story. Like Mildred\u2019s abusive ex-husband who is now with a super young girl, making her life even harder than it already is. There\u2019s Peter Dinkalge as a local who wants to date Mildred and so helps her out even though she\u2019s mean to him. That\u2019s not so necessary but ok. There\u2019s the young guy working in the office that owns the billboards (Caleb Landry Jones) who is a dumb goof but means well. And then there\u2019s the man who throws him out the window and causes a whole lot of trouble before he maybe starts doing some good, Sam Rockwell, as Officer Dixon, is a racist who enjoys beating up local black people for no reason, so we are told in dialogue but so it is not hard to believe because that is indeed what American cops enjoy doing. He\u2019s a monster who thinks he is doing good, which is the worst kind of monster. Like when he beats the living hell out of Caleb, he thinks he is doing a nice thing by protecting his chief\u2019s honor. He\u2019s like an idiot helper dog, or a kid who dumps flour all over the floor and says \u201cI\u2019m helping\u201d. He\u2019s like an evil racist Ralph Wiggum, I guess.
\n       Mildred becomes a sort of similar monster too, when she thinks she is doing good and has good intentions but decides to do things like set the police station on fire. When Dixon is revealed to be still in the station when it\u2019s set alight, I really thought he was going to die; I did not realize how much time was left. The near-death experience helps him to sooooort of start acting like he\u2019s not the worst person on the face of the earth, and he tries to actually solve the Hayes case. It\u2019s a nice turnaround, but it\u2019s effectively the redemption story of a horrible white male racist, which is not the story we really need. Yes racists should stop being terrible and should help people solve crimes or whatever, but when taken with the fact that all the black people in the movie are irrelevant to the plot, or that he never really faces consequences for his racism, it\u2019s a bit much.
\n       Putting aside the racial awkwardness, the film is a whole lot. I\u2019m not sure of what, but it\u2019s a lot. It\u2019s moving sometimes, it\u2019s harrowing, it\u2019s hilarious sometimes \u2013 though not as much as the trailer would have you believe. Honestly, this had probably the best trailer I\u2019ve ever seen, so masterfully done to make it seem like a really sensational dark comedy. But while parts were funny, it was a serious drama overall. Trailer lied. The movie is much more serious than the trailer gave it credit for, or admitted, but of course it is when you learn what really happened to the daughter. It\u2019s disturbing and hard to agree with the perspective that Mildred is going too far off the rails when you think about what she\u2019s dealing with. Yes she\u2019s going nuts and neglecting her son and her sense of decency, but I\u2019m sure it\u2019s hard to remember what decency feels like at times like that. And although there is so much to grapple with, so much discomfort both in the story and the telling, I think that\u2019s the point? Maybe? Regardless, Frances does such a tremendous job of carrying this film that the issues don\u2019t terribly matter in the end, because it\u2019s so exhilarating to watch her wreak havoc on everything around her with such mastery. The acting is what makes this movie great when the writing threatens to let it down. I feel like I really enjoyed this movie and thought it was great but the more I think about it the more conflicted I get so let\u2019s just stop.
\n 
\n 
\nYour turn! Tell me your thoughts! \n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u200bHAPPY OSCAR WEEKEND! Wow, this year was really a fantastic one for movies. I think it might be the strongest season in many years. 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