{"id":4007,"date":"2018-03-02T17:39:51","date_gmt":"2018-03-02T17:39:51","guid":{"rendered":""},"modified":"2019-04-16T12:37:01","modified_gmt":"2019-04-16T12:37:01","slug":"the-annual-oscar-roundup-all-not-all-the-movies-we-need-to-discuss-html","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/laughfrodisiac.com\/2018\/03\/02\/the-annual-oscar-roundup-all-not-all-the-movies-we-need-to-discuss-html\/","title":{"rendered":"The Annual Oscar Roundup: All (Not All) The Movies We Need To Discuss"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/span> \u200b\n<\/div>\n<\/a><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n
\nBATTLE OF THE SEXES<\/a>
\nTHE BIG SICK
<\/a>BLADERUNNER 2049<\/a>
\nBORG MCENROE<\/a>
\nBREATHE<\/a>
\nCALL ME BY YOUR NAME<\/a>
\nDARKEST HOUR<\/a>
\nTHE DISASTER ARTIST<\/a>
\nDUNKIRK<\/a>
\nGET OUT<\/a>
\nTHE HOUSE<\/a>
\nI TONYA<\/a>
\nLADY BIRD<\/a>
\nLOVING VINCENT<\/a>
\nMUDBOUND<\/a>
\nMURDER ON THE ORIENT EXPRESS<\/a>
\nPHANTOM THREAD<\/a>
\nTHE POST
<\/a>THE SHAPE OF WATER<\/a>
\nSTAR WARS: THE LAST JEDI<\/a>
\nTHREE BILLBOARDS OUTSIDE EBBING, MISSOURI<\/a>\n<\/div>\nBAD MOMS 2<\/a><\/h2>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n The first \u201cBad Moms\u201d was hilarious and fun, so I was excited to see the sequel. Man alive was this a piece of shit. I don\u2019t know whose idea it was to make our three main protagonist moms have mothers closest to the Allison Janney-type, but that did not pay off in any way. It\u2019s one thing to portray complicated relationships that are worth working through and strengthening (like in \u201cLady Bird\u201d). It\u2019s another to just be a complete shit of a person who doesn\u2019t deserve nice people in her life, and to use these awful examples of mothers who shouldn\u2019t have children to try to say that, what, you should always love and cherish your family, even if they are toxic? That\u2019s dangerous bullshit that no one should ever listen to. If someone in your life is destroying you, cut them out, no matter who it is. Christine Baranski as Mila Kunis\u2019s mom was verbally abusive and beyond dismissive of her daughter, and Mila should have cut her from her life. It wasn\u2019t funny, and there was no reason for Mila\u2019s character to suffer through all of that just because it\u2019s her mother. Also, Peter Gallagher as a soft ball-less skinbag of a man should have left her ages ago instead of sitting back quietly and letting her destroy nice people. I guess ever since Jody Sawyer told him \u2018sorry not sorry but I don\u2019t need you to teach me ballet\u2019, he\u2019s had no sense of self. Next we have Susan Sarandon, Horrible Ignorant American, as the mother of Kathryn Hahn, American Treasure. This piece of work abandoned her kid long ago and only comes back when she needs money, like now, or when she wants to spout really asinine political theories like how Jill Stein was not<\/em> a Russian plant meant to divert support from a great lady we never deserved. Cut her off, Kathryn. Lastly, we have Cheryl Hines as Kristen Bell\u2019s mother, a legit crazy woman with no boundaries who buys the house next door to her daughter without telling her, copies her haircut to look just like her, and<\/em> watches her have sex and TAKES NOTES. This woman is a terrifying monster who puts the likes of Single White Female to shame, and Kristen should have run far away from her. When the two of them go to therapy and Wanda Sykes says that it\u2019s Kristen\u2019s fault because her mom may have been normal before she had her (I can\u2019t), I was so enraged I shot up out of my seat, threw a cup of water at the screen, and tried to leave the room so I could violently slam the door to express my fury at such an irresponsible, dangerous take on this situation. Unfortunately I was watching on an airplane, so I could not complete that mission. I could turn it off though, so yay for me. I want to meet whoever wrote this movie, especially that therapy scene, and slap him in the face. And you know it\u2019s a \u2018him\u2019, because he does not understand shit.
\n\u200b\n<\/div>\nBATTLE OF THE SEXES<\/a><\/h2>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n Sure you might be saying \u2018but it\u2019s sort of a biopic of Billie Jean and she had to discover her true sexuality at some point\u2019, and that\u2019s true and well and good, but this movie wasn\u2019t called \u201cThe Billie Jean King Story\u201d; it was called \u201cBattle of the Sexes\u201d because it was specifically about the historic match of that name against Bobby Riggs, male chauvinist asswagon. (I combined asshole (or asshat! both good choices!) and jackwagon.) I understand that Billie\u2019s struggle with hiding her sexuality threw her off kilter leading up to the match, but like, that\u2019s all the movie was about. That and Steve Carell prancing about in costumes to prove that men are better (at wearing costumes?) and for some reason Elizabeth Shue as his long-suffering wife decides not<\/em> to light him on fire like I\/Frances McDormand would have done and instead puts up with him for no good reason other than probably a lifetime of gaslighting.
\n If the makers wanted to solely explore Billie\u2019s sex life, with the affair of choice (with her hairdresser!) occurring while she was still married, and the effect it had on her game and her mindset (really the same thing), then they could have done that (even though that\u2019s like kind of weird to be so fixated on, give the lady some peace.) But to pretend that this film was primarily about the Bobby Riggs match is just bad faith. Honestly it felt like the male writer and the rest of the men responsible for this wanted to see Emma Stone kiss other girls and they just came up with a thin frame to work that into. They watched Emma\u2019s old movies for inspiration and when they got to \u201cBirdman\u201d they thought a) what the fuck is this and b) hey that other girl in it, Andrea Riseborough, makes out with Naomi Watts in one scene so let\u2019s hire her to make out with Emma in our movie! The best, most thrilling part of this movie was the very, very quick shots of the actual match at the end, and I realized that what would have made this movie better is more of that, and then you realize that you are better off simply watching the actual, real match full stop. I have yet to see a tennis movie where the time spent watching it would not have been better spent watching real tennis. In the inevitable Roger Federer biopic, I hope we see mostly his amazing skills and no bedroom scenes with Mirka, but honestly, this movie shows that we\u2019re better off just watching recordings of his old matches.
\n\u200b\n<\/div>\nTHE BIG SICK<\/a><\/h2>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n Kumail and his wife, Emily Gordon, pretty heavily spoil the movie they wrote about their love story by being married. They tell the story of how they met when Kumail was a fledging comedian, how they had a good time for a while, and how they broke up because Kumail\u2019s family was weird about him marrying a Pakistani girl and he was weird about keeping a box of their photos. But if I met Vella Lovell in real life I would keep her picture in a weird creepy box too, just saying. They break up and it\u2019s sad but life goes on OR NOT because Emily falls into a coma and the doctors have no idea what\u2019s going on and it\u2019s terrifying because she\u2019s so young and Zoe and you\u2019re like omg is she going to die? And Kumail stays by her bedside the entire time and that\u2019s incredibly sweet and moving but also kinda awkward because she dumped you. Her parents arrive, played by Ray Romano and Holly Hunter in I\u2019m going to say career bests. Their performances should have been nominated for all the awards because they are pitch perfect and they so perfectly play off each other so maybe the Oscars should have a Best Couple category like the MTV Awards or whoever does that, Kids Choice? and add them in last minute. They flawlessly capture the complexities of parents dealing with this trauma while also dealing with their own marital problems.
\n As our unobtrusive hero who holds fast to his convictions about this girl he loves, Kumail quietly shines and wins your heart. Even though his standup in the movie is objectively painful, you really want him to get everything he wants, even a standup special. This is a horrible movie to watch on a plane, which I did once, because we landed with 20 seconds to go in the movie. You would think that a movie\u2019s plot couldn\u2019t hinge on the last 20 seconds, right? Usually it\u2019s just like a wide shot of a field or a sunrise or something and everything that has happened before is the whole story, nothing can change. But the very last shot of this movie is very important and turns the whole thing from good but sad to omg let\u2019s throw a celebratory fiesta. Luckily I had seen it before but I feel bad for anyone who just assumed \u2018wow that was sad I didn\u2019t see the last few seconds but what could have happened? Sad movie.\u2019 And it was sad but oh my god was it beautiful and then all of a sudden not so sad. I remember when Cameron Crowe won an award for \u201cJerry Maguire\u201d (I think it was this matchup but I could be wrong) and he was like \u2018thank goodness I won because if I didn\u2019t it would mean you didn\u2019t like my life\u2019 and I\u2019m like first of all that\u2019s not what that means, but second if that were a thing, this movie should definitely win something because it\u2019s actually their life story, you were not a sports agent who married the mother of the cutest little boy in existence until my nephew showed up, Cameron<\/em>.
\n\u200b\n<\/div>\nBLADERUNNER 2049<\/a><\/h2>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n\u200b\n<\/div>\nBORG MCENROE<\/a><\/h2>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n Shia Labeouf was g-d perfect casting as John McEnroe, two entitled, volatile brats who don\u2019t realize how annoying they are (don\u2019t get me wrong I love me some Johnny Mac nowadays as a commentator but he\u2019s still kind of a d-bag and back in his day, man alive, was he the worst. Stop YELLING, White Man! your days are numbered). He gave the young John a bit of humanity (in his quieter moments) and actually made you feel for him and you REALLY didn\u2019t want his dad to be disappointed in him. But the real star was Sverrir Gudnason (I honestly thought it was a Skarsgard) as Bjorn Borg, a dead-ringer for the tennis great and incredible in this role. He was so believable and so effective at portraying the volcano of emotion and rage simmering below Bjorn\u2019s surface of robotic calm. To use the flashbacks to show that the two players had more in common \u2013 particularly their anger and explosive natures \u2013 than anyone would ever predict, was a smart way to frame the movie in the buildup to their huge Wimbledon match. Not knowing how it ended in real life really helps with getting into the drama and the stakes of this match \u2013 Borg\u2019s trying to make history with an epic fifth consecutive win, Johnny\u2019s trying to prove himself as more than a shithead miscreant, especially to the Brits who despised him (they love manners). And I didn\u2019t remember who won this one! I know Borg had a shittonne of Wimbles\u2026es but I didn\u2019t remember if he got to five in a row, and I knew Johnny won Wimbles several times but I wasn\u2019t sure when, so I was really into this movie. Again, it would have been better to watch the real match in full, but for a movie version of it, this wasn\u2019t half bad. I learned a lot about the two players and how they came to be tennis champions, and most importantly there was<\/em> a Skarsgard in it (Stellan, as Borg\u2019s coach\/father figure) which you expect in a Scandinavian movie, so all was well.
\n\u200b\n<\/div>\nBREATHE<\/a><\/h2>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n\u200b\n<\/div>\nCALL ME BY YOUR NAME<\/a><\/h2>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n\u200b\n<\/div>\nDARKEST HOUR<\/a><\/h2>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n So Gary Oldman is completely unrecognizable in a fat suit and a whole lot of Mrs. Doubtfire-esque chin jowls to play Churchill, one of the most revered and important men in British history. We see him right as he is asked to become Prime Minister when Britain is at war both with the Nazis and with itself, not having a government with a strong will in terms of direction and gumption. So British of them am I right? All his fellow politicians were like \u2018hmmm we could do x or y but I don\u2019t want to be too forward oh pish posh can\u2019t be too forward.\u2019 Winston came in like a wreeeeeeecking baaaaaall and was like shut up and listen to me, I know what we have to do, we gotta go kill us some Nazis. Maybe he didn\u2019t say it like that but honestly thank god for him (the him that is portrayed in the movie, who knows how accurate it was (I mean I\u2019m sure many people do know how accurate it was, that\u2019s what history and records are for but shh do I look like Suetonius)) because while all the other pale scrawny men with upset tummies were like \u2018let\u2019s negotiate with Hitler to save our people!\u2019, Churchill was like \u2018are you f-ing kidding me, you do not negotiate with a terrorist and also why would we trust him to hold to the terms and also HE IS LITERALLY HITLER\u2019. He\u2019s shown as the only British politician with the courage to fight rather than capitulate to the scary mustache baby. I hope that the speeches he gives once he finds his nerve to stand up to the fellow cabinetters who want to negotiate and then hide are accurate, because they were spellbinding. In a time when we are suffering with actually evil politicians who are not only being outsmarted by children but are literally working with Nazis, it was a little tearjerky and a little heartbreaking to remember that once upon a time a leader of a major nation was not only unwilling to work with Nazis, he wasn\u2019t<\/em> one.
\n\u200b\n<\/div>\nTHE DISASTER ARTIST<\/a><\/h2>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n I freaking loved this movie and wanted it to win all kinds of awards just because it\u2019s so hilarious and would be so hilarious to do so, but Franco had to go be a Hollywood man and ignore the rights of women and only care about his own desires and go ruin everything for everyone.
\n But this was a gloriously perfect movie, a hysterical takedown of \u201cThe Room\u201d, the famous worst movie of all time, and it\u2019s creator, the famously insane Tommy Wiseau. Knowing \u201cThe Room\u201d makes this behind-the-scenes look at it even sweeter, but it\u2019s not necessary to enjoy the genius ridiculousness. James Franco gets all of Tommy\u2019s mannerisms down, but more importantly he gets his voice down, with the impossible-to-place accent and usually-impossible-to-understand inflections. Anytime James verbalized anything even a little, the audience was rolling in their seats. It\u2019s really a testament to Franco\u2019s talent, begrudgingly as I admit that, that even just a random word here or there produced some of the funniest moments of the year, all because of his delivery and his really strong direction. (He directed it too.) It\u2019s kind of mean but kind of loving in its treatment of Wiseau and the entire infamous shitshow of a shoot. The cast and crew are littered with familiar faces, and it\u2019s not even worth it to try to name them all because it would go on forever. But let\u2019s try a few \u2013 there\u2019s Sharon Stone, Melanie Griffiths, Megan Mullally, Seth Rogen (as one of the funniest characters; his short scene in the bank was amazing), Adam Scott, Judd Apatow as a hilarious fictionalized version of a producer like himself, and my fave, Jason Mantzoukas. Oh and Bryan Cranston as himself. This movie is RIDICULOUS and crazy and somehow it all came together perfectly. James Franco really knows what he is doing outside the bedroom. The water bottle scene was one of the best comedic takes in forever.
\n If you haven\u2019t seen it yet, I recommend it wholeheartedly and suggest that you watch \u201cThe Room\u201d after<\/em>, not before, as many say to do. Watching \u201cThe Room\u201d first, you may get more of the jokes and references in \u201cThe Disaster Artist\u201d, but watching it after will be so much more rewarding because you\u2019ve seen the making of it, or at least \u2018a\u2019 making of it, and you will appreciate the nonsense in it even more.
\n\u200b\n<\/div>\nDUNKIRK<\/a><\/h2>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n I\u2019m sure their creators want the films to stand on their own merit, and they do, but this is a great companion piece to \u201cDarkest Hour\u201d, and both are improved by watching them together. In \u201cDarkest Hour\u201d, Churchill confers with his cabinet about the problem at Dunkirk \u2013 all the abandoned men, no good way to save them \u2013 and we see just a bit of what happens. Here, it\u2019s like you paused \u201cDarkest Hour\u201d and hit the \u2018Tell me more!\u2019 button on your audioguide in a museum or something, and got more of the story of this important moment in the war. I love how perfectly the two British tales of WWII connect and how they strengthen each other by giving detail on one hand and context on the other. Christopher Nolan did a nice job of marrying the harrowing aspects with the inspiring parts of the story, to avoid the soul-crushing depression that war movies usually produce while forestalling the risk of being too hopeful. It is war, after all.
\n\u200b\n<\/div>\nGET OUT<\/a><\/h2>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n \u201cGet Out\u201d, from comedic mastermind Jordan Peele, is not funny as you\u2019d expect from him, but it is freaking brilliant. I knew going in that it was supposedly genius about race, but with it being a horror movie, I just expected that maybe racists were gonna be murdered. It\u2019s not that at all. Okay, racists do<\/em> get murdered and that\u2019s nice but there\u2019s so much more to it than that. \u201cGet Out\u201d is the story of a black guy named Chris (Daniel Kaluuya, who is fantastic and so believable and omg the stillface crying amazing) who goes with his white girlfriend (Alison Williams) to her family\u2019s, like, compound<\/em> in the woods<\/em> (already a red flag, man) to meet her parents. Alright, that sounds\u2026fine? Chris\u2019s best friend, whose real-life name is Lil Rey so that\u2019s what we are going to call him because why would you ever rename that, is like dude don\u2019t ever go to meet a white girl\u2019s fam, that shit\u2019s gonna be bad. And Chris is like calm down and go back to violating air travelers\u2019 basic constitutional rights, it\u2019ll be fine. Lil Rey was right though, because immediately things are weird. Alison\u2019s parents, Bradley Whitford and Catherine Keener in like the most g-d perfect casting ever, are that sort of outwardly nice but creepy and uncomfortable in the way you can\u2019t really call out without sounding like a douche. At first, I mean; later you can say why very clearly. They say things like how they would have voted for Obama a third time to obviously try to show that they are so cool with black people but it really shows how wrong they get it. Her brother, played by Caleb Landry Jones who is just all over the Oscar map this year (he\u2019s the ad guy who gets thrown out the window in \u201cThree Billboards\u201d), is terrifyingly unhinged and prime for a fight even though he is a weak-looking white boy. He has that totally unstable, deranged look of a psychopath in his eyes from the start, and you think oh this guy is the scary racist one but nope everyone is. There are two black servants in the house\/compound, and Chris tries to reach out to them and find some common ground, but something is seriously off with them. They have fake smiles and don\u2019t seem to be capable of basic honest interactions. Something is off, like their minds are under external control.
\n Alison claims to have forgotten that her grandfather is having a huge let\u2019s-have-all-our-rich-white-out-of-touch-friends-over party that same weekend, so Chris has to deal with a barrage of odd, racist-but-not-enough-to-call-out comments on his physical appearance and his relationship and everything. These scenes so perfectly call out white liberals who think that if they aren\u2019t wearing a Klan hood, they can\u2019t possibly be racist. But it\u2019s clear that the white people find black people to be other. Things get extra creepy when Catherine Keener hypnotizes Chris, ostensibly to quit smoking but she breaks him down to his rawest emotional core to do so. Then, at the party, there is one other black man, a man we met in the terrifying opening scene of the movie, seemingly unrelated to the plot we\u2019ve seen so far. It\u2019s a man that Chris knew was missing from Brooklyn a few months back, and now finds him married to an old white lady and is acting, well, different, like a stuffy old rich white man living in the woods might act. Chris is freaked out and calls Lil Rey and Lil Rey is like ahh get out of there (that\u2019s why it\u2019s called that). When Chris finds a pile of photos of Alison (yes Chris is the only character\u2019s name I\u2019m using does it matter?) and other black boyfriends, and one of her with the maid, he knows something sinister is going on. He tries to leave and the family \u2013 including Alison, the one he thought was on his side \u2013 blocks him from leaving and you think ohhh shit, here we go. Catherine\u2019s previous hypnotism means that as soon as she makes a certain sound again, Chris passes out, and he wakes up locked in the basement. Shit got real, real fast.
\n You could never guess the revelations to come, and as out-there as they are (I mean who besides Joey Tribbiani believes in brain transplants?), everything is done with such a keen eye towards a deeper meaning that it doesn\u2019t even matter how sci-fi things are; you buy into this world Peele has created and everything adds up in it. Of course the big scary secret is full-on bodily takeover through intricate medical procedures. Of course this rich white family has made their fortune through the subjugation of black people, and of course they don\u2019t think there\u2019s anything wrong with that. One of the best moments is the montage-y, wordless bit where Chris and Alison are off talking about how creepy everyone is, while Bradley supposedly takes the guests to play Bingo. But it\u2019s clear they aren\u2019t playing Bingo; they are holding up Bingo cards in what seems to be an auction, with a portrait of Chris at the front. There\u2019s no getting around what they are bidding on, as if they have the right to buy and sell black people just because they are white, and the too-accurate similarity to a slave auction is undeniable. And while they are buying the men for slightly different reasons, the mindset allowing for this still comes from the same place, of the sort of racism that tells them they have the right to do this by virtue of their skin color.
\n Every second of this movie, and every bit of acting, informs the overall story so well that it requires repeated viewings to catch everything. The servants you thought were merely brainwashed and\/or scary are more complex than that, and their initial impressions do more than you gave credit for. I honestly did not predict that Alison was going to be part of the scheme, and her physical transformation from cute and fun to terrifyingly sinister is really well done (she looks like Sharon Stone in \u201cBasic Instinct\u201d afterwards). The initially friendly manners of the family aren\u2019t simply a cover for their true evil, they also mirror how people in real life think that if they act nice, that means they can\u2019t be racist, that they are good people, even if they are actively taking your rights away, even though Sondheim taught us long ago that nice and good aren\u2019t the same thing. I couldn\u2019t really sleep after I watched this movie because I was so terrified of Bradley Whitford but more than that I was shook, as a white person and as a person living in a society that pretty much the same as the one depicted, albeit minus a few steps in medicine. And that\u2019s the point of the movie, isn\u2019t it? It\u2019s horrifying but in a smart way, to make viewers really consider what they are watching and more importantly what they are a part of in real life.<\/p>\n<\/div>\nTHE HOUSE<\/a><\/h2>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n\u200b\n<\/div>\nI, TONYA<\/a><\/h2>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n As I\u2019m sure you do, I remember vividly the lead-up to the 1994 Lillehammer Winter Olympics, when Nancy Kerrigan was attacked. Everyone remembers the news channels, newly reveling in their ability to broadcast bullshit across the airwaves 24\/7, playing over and over and over her screaming \u201cWhyyyyyyy!!!\u201d It was so sad. Somehow, \u201cI, Tonya\u201d makes that clip of her screaming funny<\/em>. It\u2019s not \u2013 it\u2019s horrifying \u2013 but the movie\u2019s lead up to it is so funny and well done that the audience laughed at her screaming. Now that\u2019s super dark. Anyway, we all remember how Tonya Harding became a name that will live in infamy, as she was widely suspected to have known about the attack that her bodyguard set up. This movie pretends to be based on interviews with Tonya and her husband and is similar to an older documentary about the subject. Despite the docu-style content, it is still made very clear that we still do not know and never will know the truth about what happened \u2013 both to Nancy and to Tonya throughout her life. Every player tells a different version of events, and one of the most genius parts, and most frustrating, is that they remind us that we really will never know the truth, because I don\u2019t know about you but I don\u2019t exactly trust Tonya Harding hundo p at her word, and you definitely don\u2019t trust her mother or husband. Tonya becomes the most sympathetic character in a room full of horrible people.
\n Margot Robbie as Tonya took me by surprise. I never gave her credit for her acting ability, considering her past roles have usually focused on her just being pretty. But she makes a sensational Tonya, if a little too pretty. She\u2019s angry and rough and strong at times and weak at times and it\u2019s so fully developed. It\u2019s an incredible performance and this whole Tonya Harding redemption thing that\u2019s going on, which is weird because she may be a criminal who attacked a friend and competitor, is happening because her performance makes you really want Tonya the character to succeed and get treated better and that blurs the lines between her and the real-life version. The other sensational performance in this movie is Allison Janney as her mother LaVona, a black-hearted witch if there ever was one. This kind of role is so much fun for the actor, who can completely let go of everything and wallow in being pure evil but kind of funny. Allison is always great, and here she is so incredibly wicked it\u2019s riveting, if terrifying.
\n A lot of Tonya\u2019s life, as depicted, is terrifying. Her father abandons her early on, and she never stood a chance alone with her cruel, abusive mother, who beats her almost as much as her first boyfriend and then husband Jeff does. Luckily, through all of that turmoil, she was able to skate, and she had something special that fancy coaches saw. Unfortunately, the hoity toity judges in figure skating never gave her a fair shake, because they wanted their leading skaters to represent the sport with class \u2013 meaning, they hated Tonya because she wasn\u2019t very pretty, or petite, or rich, or otherwise fancy-looking. She was told to get a fur coat so the sport would acknowledge her presence, so she, being dirt poor, made one from animals she hunted. (Vegan note: Close your eyes when she is a little girl and hunting with her dad.) Worst of all, she became the best at one point, always landing her jumps with athletic prowess, always skating her heart out, but because her hand-sewn costumes didn\u2019t look nice, and because her power wasn\u2019t as girly and delicate and innocuous as they wanted, the judges across the sport kept her from taking her place at the top. That is, until they couldn\u2019t deny her any longer \u2013 when she became the first woman in the world to land a triple axel in competition. No one else even had the balls to attempt one, and she was out there landing them with aplomb. For that brief, shining moment leading up to her first Olympics, she was the best and had a world of good prospects.
\n But her f-ing husband was a piece of shit, and his repeated beatings messed with her mind so much that it kept her from doing her best. If she tried to get away from him, her mother would pick up the slack. In present-day interviews, older and wiser Tonya (a truly horrid Margot, in really impressive latex and makeup, just great job all around) would recount all the trauma and trouble she encountered and repeatedly add in that x and y weren\u2019t her fault. And they weren\u2019t, but after a few more instances you realize that she doesn\u2019t accept credit for anything that happened in her life. Nothing was her fault, and maybe most of it wasn\u2019t, most of it was awful people being awful to her, but in avoiding any responsibility she also avoided doing anything to improve her unfair situation.
\n And that\u2019s what this movie does so well. Amid all the brilliant skating (I love figure skating so all the actual routines they showed (with Margot and two trained doubles) I adored) and all the competitiveness was a look at the everyday human condition, the introspective look at what makes some people able to ascend their upbringings or get past their hardships and what makes them stuck there. And despite being really depressing, seeing how unfair everything in her life was, it was also hilarious. A lot of this was from her beyond-bumbling bodyguard Shawn, a true idiot if there ever was one, who bungled everything he put his giant greasy hands on. No matter what we know or don\u2019t know about Tonya and Jeff\u2019s role in the attack, we know Shawn was the \u2018mastermind\u2019, and he is portrayed so hysterically as just a giant sack of stupid. I loved when they included his prime time TV interview, in which he said he was an international counter-terrorism expert, and the news anchor was like \u2018\u2026no you\u2019re not.\u2019 Tonya\u2019s husband, Jeff, was a different kind of idiot, a sleazy, less obvious idiot but an idiot nonetheless. That these brainless boobs tried to get away with a crime of any sort, let alone a high-profile one related to the Olympics, is mind-boggling. And as for Tonya herself, the movie creates a host of contrasting emotions and I guess that\u2019s what the point is. Whereas everyone was taught to simply hate her at one point, the movie makes you feel bad for her, feel sorry for her upbringing, feel angry that she was treated so terribly by every single person in her life (except the nice lady coach), and of course feel conflicted that maybe she knew more than she said she did. I really never would have guessed that a movie about Tonya Harding would be incredibly enjoyable, funny, and moving.
\n\u200b\n<\/div>\nLADY BIRD<\/a><\/h2>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n \u201cLady Bird\u201d follows the life of Christine McPherson, a Sacramento teenager who gives the impression of finding herself too cool for her town, too cool for her Catholic high school (I mean who isn\u2019t), and too cool for her family and friends. She believes wholeheartedly that if she could just get to New York, for college, then she would find and be a part of the real life she wants and knows to exist there. It\u2019s so common, that feeling that teens have that real life is happening somewhere else, and they just have to get there to be a part of it, and then when they go they realize that everywhere is pretty much the same and this ideal of \u2018real life\u2019 is up to you to create, regardless of location. But until that realization, people like her resent everything and everyone around them for not being the far-off dream. The meticulous writing exposes her relationships so efficiently, you understand where everyone stands in an instant. For example, in the first scene. Christine (Saoirse Ronan, amazing and omg her accent is perfect can you please teach all the British actors on the West End doing American parts), who wants to be called Lady Bird because of course she does, is in the car with her mom (Laurie Metcalf, a total bitch but soooo good in this) crying at the end of the audiobook of \u201cThe Grapes of Wrath\u201d. When it finishes, Lady Bird goes to put the radio on, and her mom stops her and asks to just sit with what they just heard for a minute (which I SO GET). This pisses Lady Bird off and in the quickest of moments they go from nice bonding moment to all-out fighting and it\u2019s the most believable interaction. You see it coming and you can tell that neither can stop it from happening but there it goes. So precise and flawless.
\n The cast of characters in school with Lady Bird are just as impeccably depicted. There\u2019s Ladybird\u2019s sweet, overweight best friend Julie (Beanie Feldstein, my FAVORITE, absolutely amazing in \u201cHello, Dolly\u201d on Broadway with Bette Midler<\/a> and now in this movie??? GO BEANS GIT IT), sweet and lovable and the perfect kind of friend for Lady Bird, aspiring popular girl, to drop by the wayside when cooler prospects call for it. There\u2019s Lucas Hedges, more than making up for being in the most overrated movie of the 2010s, \u201cManchester by the Omg I\u2019m asleep so fast\u201d, as Danny, a charming and respectful boy who is great in the school musicals which must mean he\u2019s hiding something. The scene in which he and Lady Bird finally confront each other over his secretly being gay is one of the most moving and remarkable on both actors\u2019 parts. Lucas is heartbreaking in his abject fear of what will happen to him (he goes to a Catholic school remember jfc), and Saoirse goes from cold and angry with him to supportive and compassionate in a split second when she realizes his fear is more important than her being disappointed in a high school relationship. This scene was utter perfection. I mean everything was perfection but this scene will stick with me. I also loved the depiction of Timothee Chalamet\u2019s douchey Kyle (this cast tho), because Greta\u2019s writing nails that kind of white privileged pretty boy who has no idea of anything in the world. \u201cOh I don\u2019t believe in money; I try to barter where I can\u201d and Lady Bird\u2019s like \u201cour private school costs money and you are rich you dingus\u201d well she doesn\u2019t call him a dingus, I added that, because she\u2019s still swooning over his face even though he is suuuch a douuuche. It\u2019s so ACCURATE. And there\u2019s Odeya Rush as popular pretty Jenna, who isn\u2019t nearly all that and a bag of chips but Lady Bird really really wants to be her friend because that\u2019s how teenage girls think.
\n The essential, poignant relationships are of course those of Lady Bird and her parents. Laurie Metcalf so quickly defines her character with precise bounds, you understand how a teenage girl would react to and try to break them. You clearly see why they each act the way they do, and how their clashing personalities can\u2019t prevent every looming conflict, and while Laurie\u2019s character kind of sucks a lot, you still can understand why she is so harsh (sometimes) and that it (sometimes) comes from a place of love. She is so clearly afraid for what her not-so-hard-working daughter\u2019s life will hold once she is out of the safety of high school, and although she doesn\u2019t prod her daughter in the most positive ways, you see that she just wants the best for her. Her strictness is driven by the fear that her daughter won\u2019t amount to anything once she leaves home. She simultaneously wants Lady Bird to work harder to achieve more and<\/em> lessen her expectations regarding what the real world holds for her. Getting much less acclaim, though no less deserving of it, is Tracy Letts, my main man, as her father. Can I just say, it is SO NICE to see this incredible actor and one of our best living playwrights as a decent, kind man instead of a jackass like his character on \u201cHomeland\u201d, or, as I first saw him, as the hideous psychological tormenter in \u201cWho\u2019s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?\u201d He also writes really disturbing work, like \u201cAugust: Osage County\u201d so yay for giving him a job that just let him be nice and supportive of his family instead of trying to destroy it.
\n The real stars are of course Saoirse and Greta (kind of sounds like Hansel and Gretl right), creating absolute perfection, one with her vision and imagination, one with her interpretation. I can\u2019t remember a movie that was about a female protagonist that felt so real and lived in. It\u2019s nice to get one. I can\u2019t wait to watch this over and over.<\/p>\n<\/div>\nLOVING VINCENT<\/a><\/h2>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n\u200b\n<\/div>\nMUDBOUND<\/a><\/h2>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n\u200b\n<\/div>\nMURDER ON THE ORIENT EXPRESS<\/a><\/h2>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n In this very nice to look at film, Kenneth plays Hercule Poirot, famous detective, doing a ridiculous French accent because apparently no one in Kenneth\u2019s life ever tells him no. He\u2019s in like Istanbul or something and he solves a crime that gets a police man in trouble, so that\u2019s a great start, but then it\u2019s confusing and you\u2019re like okay somehow he\u2019s on a fancy train, not sure why or how considering the crime he needs to solve on the train didn\u2019t happen yet, whatever. Then you see this incredibly fancy train and you\u2019re like what the actual fuck because what trains really look like that, where are the flooding toilets of recycled water and the Uzbek men taking off their shirts and the babies running around naked and screaming at you in Chinese and the heat, my god the heat? Fancy people know how to travel. And you see Johnny Depp flirt with Michelle Pfeiffer and Josh Gad in a silly mustache and Leslie Odom, Jr. NOT singing and also in a silly mustache and you see Penelope Cruz and you are like what the actual fuck are you doing in this movie and then there\u2019s a Jedi and then there\u2019s Judi Dench and by this point you\u2019re like no this is too much nonsense. How do so many good actors produce so horrendous acting? Is that a result of poor direction or the camera speed where everything looks like the news? So much potential but so poorly managed, and I don\u2019t know whether to blame Kenneth or just recognize that this story is best told in book form. Maybe both maybe both.<\/p>\nPHANTOM THREAD<\/a><\/h2>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n\u200b\n<\/div>\nTHE POST<\/a><\/h2>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n\u200b\n<\/div>\nTHE SHAPE OF WATER<\/a><\/h2>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n\u200b \u201cThe Shape of Water\u201d (whatever container it\u2019s in? heyoooo) tells the story of Eliza, a kind little woman who is mute and has only her older gay neighbor Giles (Richard Jenkins, always so good) to spend time with outside of work. She works as a cleaning lady in a government research facility, where her only friend there is the always hilarious Octavia Spencer as Zelda, talking enough for the both of them. Soon the two Michaels enter the scene: Michael Stuhlbarg, a govvie scientist (named Dr. Robert Hoffstetler, which I\u2019m sharing because I think my high school English teacher was named Robert Hostetler it\u2019s close it\u2019s close) , is helping examine a new \u2018asset\u2019 in the lab, a man-sized sea creature that will help them fight the Russians\u2026somehow\u2026; and Michael Shannon, always terrifying, is the Colonel in charge of the operation who really just wants to bash the thing open and examine it that way, and also wants to take all the joy out of the world. Zelda and Eliza are tasked with cleaning the lab where the creature\u2019s giant tank is located and FOR SOME UNKNOWN REASON they are often LEFT THERE UNMONITORED. I mean really, of all the crazy shit that happens in this movie, what with a sea creature not only EXISTING but being able to fall in love with humans and<\/em> cure their baldness, THIS was the most unbelievable part. There\u2019s no way in hell that a government lab would ever leave an alien type life form unattended, especially with civilians in there with him\/it.
\n But let\u2019s suspend that little touch of disbelief for now because we\u2019ve already accepted this world where the creature exists anyway. At the beginning, you\u2019re like, is this going to be some really weird Beauty and the Beast situation where we\u2019re supposed to be okay with bestiality? But after a little while you\u2019re like eh what\u2019s the harm, and you stop holding onto your doubt and your scruples because this world onscreen is so gloriously considered that it doesn\u2019t really matter what you personally think. And all the thoughts I had early on like looking around and saying \u2018um this is weird, guys\u2019 to the ghost of Guillermo in the theatre with me quickly vanished and I was just like \u2018alright I\u2019m buying into this.\u2019 Even my initial annoyance that Sally Hawkins had to be completely naked in the beginning went away the next time she was naked (she was naked a lot) and I just totally bought that she had to be naked a lot. Guillermo is a wizard.
\n So Eliza, although she has two whole friends, is still pretty lonely, and she slowly starts to befriend the sea creature, whom we will refer to, because I\u2019m tired of typing sea creature, as\u2026Baby Fish Mouth. She feels bad for it because mean old Michael Shannon keeps beating and electrocuting it into submission because he is another great example of fragile white masculinity in a man who needs to oppress those in positions of lesser privilege than him in order to continue feeling like he has a hold on his undeserved power. He really hurts Baby Fish Mouth okay that\u2019s not going to work either, okay he\u2019s like a mermaid, well a merman, right so let\u2019s call himmmm Ethel Merman oh my goddddd this is my best work. Omg they should have called Eliza \u2018Ethel\u2019 because they he could be Ethel\u2019s Merman. Okay so Eliza is very sweet and like one of those rare decent humans who feels empathy for others in pain and shockingly doesn\u2019t want any being to suffer, so she starts sneaking in to the lab and giving Merman eggs to eat and teaching him signs for things. One of the main reasons she is drawn to his company is because he is like her in his silence and his communicating with signs, and she doesn\u2019t really have anyone like that in her life, anyone who sees her for what she is and doesn\u2019t judge her as lacking anything. It\u2019s weird af I know but it\u2019s really sweet when you break down the reasons for their connection. Over time (not as much as you\u2019d think though; you\u2019d think that a human would need a little more time to come around to the idea of taking a mermaid as a lover but here we are), their connection deepens, and when Eliza overhears the Colonel\u2019s plan to kill Merman against the protestations of the guy who is actually a scientist (and a Russian spy, but that\u2019s neither here nor there), she is initially devastated and then determined to save his life. With the help of Giles, and with the grudging consent of Zelda, Eliza undertakes to save the life of the man? thing? Merman she loves and keep him in her bathtub for just a bit until the rains allow the canal to open to the ocean. It all makes a lot of sense.
\n Because this world of the movie is so meticulously formed and so beautifully rendered, with every word and frame carefully considered, it manages to expertly handle so many things at once – the evil government operative with a great deal of power, the Russian spy who may still be a decent man who means well, adorable old Richard Jenkins trying to pick up a pie shop worker, the fact that Giles and Eliza live above a movie theatre, and of course the love story between a mute lady and a SEA MONSTER \u2013 without ever feeling like there\u2019s too much going on or that something could have been cut. Everything feels necessary to tell the complete story, and it\u2019s so well done. The revelation of what Eliza\u2019s scars may have always been meant for was one of my favorite moments in movies this year, maybe ever. I was super stressed out the entire time watching this movie \u2013 there\u2019s a lot to worry about \u2013 but at that moment, towards the end, there\u2019s a feeling of resolution and it resolves everything that came before, like one complete perfect circle that you didn\u2019t know was going to be a circle until that moment. It feels so natural, that it had to end like that, and even though this story is wacky af on paper, onscreen it\u2019s beautiful and poignant.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n