\n\nBEST MOTION PICTURE, DRAMA<\/font><\/strong> A Star is Born Black Panther BlacKkKlansmen Bohemian Rhapsody If Beale Street Could Talk<\/div>\n<\/td>\n \nBEST MOTION PICTURE, COMEDY\/MUSICAL<\/font><\/strong> Crazy Rich Asians The Favourite Green Book Mary Poppins Returns Vice<\/div>\n<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\nJesus take the damn wheel. The biggest problems of the Globes usually come from them trying desperately to shove enough dramatic movies into the Comedy\/Musical category and nothing about it making any sense at all, to the point where it’s almost offensive. AND YET, in a year where there are movies that could easily be argued into the category, they go ‘nah, we cool’ and put them in the Drama category! What the hell, guys? Two of the biggest and best movies of the year, ‘A Star is Born’ and ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’, are about musicians, and they play music like THE WHOLE TIME, yet the HFPA has them in Drama. For a group that just a few years ago was like, “oh Matt Damon is listening to music while trapped on Mars and he makes a funny joke so it’s clearly a comedy and\/or a musical”, the HFPA is having all sorts of identity crises. It’s kind of hilarious that the two giant musical biopics aren’t in the musical category. Like you HAVE one; USE it! I’m also semi-shocked they didn’t try to put the big budget superhero movie ‘Black Panther’ in comedy as well, since they usually consider anything that isn’t about war a comedy. ‘BlacKkKlansmen’ was actually the movie that made us laugh the most of any of these, so even though it would be a little whack if someone with any gravitas to their name said it was a comedy, the HFPA absolutely could have put it in C\/M and no one would have batted an eye. I am actually 80% certain that they took their overall 10 favorite films (how, though) and put them through the same aforementioned sorting system that they used for choosing the hosts. (*Okay, I know some of you have had it up to here with my railing on the HFPA’s sense of what’s drama and what’s comedy when you know that it’s actually the makers of ‘Bohemian’ and ‘Star’ that petitioned for them to be in Drama. But a) it shouldn’t be up to the filmmakers to say what their thing gets nominated for just because Drama is more prestigious; that’s some bullshit finagling, and b) the HFPA makes crazy decisions every single year so I’m never going to ease up just because someone else is also to blame. Also FUCK the people who wanted them to be in Drama because it’s more prestigious than Comedy. It’s not the MUSICAL COMEDY category; it’s Comedy OR Musical. SLASH MEANS OR. Miss me with the bullshit that dramas are more important than musicals.)
As for the actual Comedy\/Musical category, the only great surprise is ‘Crazy Rich Asians’, which deserves the slot and is actually a comedy, so well done to the HFPA. This is the perfect maneuver for the HFPA to get big names of the year, but from non-awardsy movies, to come to their party. ‘The Favourite’ was a great movie and it’s billed as a dark comedy, though to me it was more horrifying and full of nervous laughter, but I concede that it’s the right kind of movie for this category. That Yorgos though! ‘Mary Poppins Returns’ shouldn’t be on this list, not because it wasn’t a musical, which it is, but because it was not good. Most disappointing movie of the year for me. There are 100 movies that should have taken that slot, but none with Emily Blunt and Lin-Manuel Miranda, who the journos wanted to invite, so here we are. Party’s not a party without Lin! As for ‘Green Book’ and ‘Vice’, they should be swapped (with the two musical biopics) to the drama category. I have it on good authority that ‘Green Book’ is clearly a drama. And I guess the foreign reporters find it funny to make fun of America’s downfall so they are calling ‘Vice’ a comedy even though it’s upsetting and depressing? I guess.
Given that these categories are bonkers, it’s hard to pick winners. For ‘Drama’, my vote would be for ‘A Star is Born’, and the Globes seem like the right venue for rewarding that starry successful film. Everyone loves it (I know I know except for two of you reading this, I get it, you hated it) and it was completely wonderful, and it doesn’t hurt that it was a financial hit. For ‘Comedy\/Musical’, I think it will be ‘The Favourite’ because it’s actually a dark comedy, it’s a pretty great (though WEIRD AF) movie, and the foreigners voting love them some Yorgos and some Olivia Colman. <\/div>\n
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BEST ACTRESS IN A MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA<\/font><\/strong> Glenn Close, “The Wife” Lady Gaga, “A Star Is Born” Nicole Kidman, “Destroyer” Melissa McCarthy, “Can You Ever Forgive Me?” Rosamund Pike, “A Private War”<\/div>\nLady Gaga is almost hundo p going to win her second Golden Globe on her second nomination (that’s a kind of ridiculous track record for someone who isn’t actually a great actress but has been great in specific parts). Her Allie was magnetic, and it helps that it was her singing so incredibly (something that might hurt Rami Malek). I haven’t seen ‘The Wife’ because it looks suuupes boring, but Glenn Close is probably her closest competitor because everyone loves Glenn Close (except Patti LuPone) and I’m sure she was wonderful in the movie and she’s always great so, okay, possible dark horse. No one has seen Nikki K’s movie, which I’m assuming is about Alison Brie’s Zoya character on ‘Glow’?? I would indeed love a big-screen look at that magnificence, although I can’t imagine it being any better than ‘Glow’ episode 2.8 (The Good Twin) (that’s the one where Alison Brie’s Ruth also plays the evil twin of her Russian character and it’s amazing and there’s a goat). Melissa McCarthy is supposed to be amazing in her movie but I wouldn’t know because London doesn’t seem to have heard about it. I just checked the UK release date and it’s forking February 1! What is this NONSENSE. Show me my Sookie in a crime drama! And as for Rosamund, she’s not winning because voters and people the world over are still terrified of her after ‘Gone Girl’. Like really forking terrified. They didn’t even want her to come but they had to invite her because they were scared of what would happen if they didn’t.<\/div>\n
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BEST ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA <\/font><\/strong>Bradley Cooper, “A Star Is Born” Willem Dafoe, “At Eternity’s Gate” Lucas Hedges, “Boy Erased” Rami Malek, “Bohemian Rhapsody” John David Washington, “BlacKkKlansman”<\/div>\nOh this is not even a question; it’s Bradley’s to lose. The HFPA LOOOOOVES them some Bradley Cooper, possibly even more than Sidra thinks Italian men loooooove them some black women (every piece I write has to have a reference to ‘Love & Basketball’, you know this by now, yes?), and he deserves it too. He dedicated so much time and effort to ‘A Star is Born’, including spending two years working with a vocal coach to safely lower his speaking voice so he could play Jackson, the alcoholic country star. And he can sing (well enough)! And then he directed the whole darn thing flawlessly. This is the way they will reward him for making this great movie. The potential spoiler is Rami Malek, who the HFPA also loves. Malek was superb as Freddie Mercury, but the fact that it wasn’t him singing but it was Bradley could be the tipping point. Willem Dafoe is supposed to be great in ‘At Eternity’s Gate’ and I would love for him to win, now or in the future, because he is such a nice man even though he looks like a mean one, but I can’t say that he should win because I have not seen the film, nor has anyone. Lucas Hedges is too young to be nominated for so many awards already jesus h christ who is this kid in Oscar movies every g-d year! And in Tony-nominated plays too! Take a BREAK, child. No he’s really great but he has decades and probably hundos of awards ahead of him. Washington was great as the understated lead of ‘BlacKkKlansmen’, but he was subtle, which-ah the foreigners hate-ah! <\/div>\n
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BEST ACTRESS IN A MOTION PICTURE – MUSICAL OR COMEDY <\/font><\/strong>Emily Blunt, “Mary Poppins Returns” Olivia Colman, “The Favourite” Elsie Fisher, “Eighth Grade” Charlize Theron, “Tully” Constance Wu, “Crazy Rich Asians”<\/div>\nI think Olivia Colman’s Globe win might be the surest bet of all, after Gaga’s win for Best Song (I’M IN THE DEEEEP EEEEEEEND WATCH AS I DIIIIIIIIIIIVE IIIIIIIIIIIN you’re welcome best song ever). Everyone is loving ‘The Favourite’ (WEIRD AF) and Colman has been diligently producing great but under-noticed work for decades. Most importantly, her excellent performance as Queen Anne is the only one on the list with any serious credibility or weight to it, in the only movie on the list that will be nominated for Best Picture at the Oscars. Fork she was creepy and super disturbing (and did I say WEIRD AF) and great in ‘The Favourite’. Emily Blunt was one of the few things I enjoyed about Mary Poppins, though she wasn’t award-worthy, just like, not bad enough to yell at the screen like I did for Meryl Streep’s scene. Is ‘Tully’ the movie Charlize did like 10 years ago when she ghost-writes teen novels? I’m going to assume that’s what it is so why is it nominated now? It was a bad movie back then. Constance Wu was charming and wonderful but she will have to be content with all the crazy money the movie made (though not as much money as her character was marrying into apparently (billionaires are immoral by definition btw, I hope the sequel comes to terms with that)). ‘Eighth Grade’ is the movie I actually most wanted to see this year but I completely missed its run in the UK (if it had one). I heard such great things and would have liked to see more recognition of it, mostly because Bo Burnham actually seems like a fantastic person (all of this is taken from his one appearance on the Anna Faris podcast, but he did say a lot of great things on it). So yeah, Olivia Colman gets my vote for sure. Although, interestingly, I don’t think it is an Oscar-worthy performance. We’ll talk about that in a month I guess.<\/div>\n
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BEST ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE – MUSICAL OR COMEDY <\/font><\/strong>Christian Bale, “Vice” Lin-Manuel Miranda, “Mary Poppins Returns” Viggo Mortensen, “Green Book” Robert Redford, “The Old Man & the Gun” John C. Reilly, “Stan & Ollie”<\/div>\nThis is the funniest category. It is exactly what one of those bots fed 1000 hours of x kind of information would create if asked to create a sample Globes category. A few relevant movies plus big name movie stars plus people they just really like plus roles you would never have dreamed of getting award recognition. I just love it. Viggo should be in the Drama category, Christian Bale arguably too, but one of them will be the winner. I’m not sure about the Old Robert Gun movie because I haven’t seen it yet, but everyone loves Redford. Everyone also loves Lin and so I can’t fault his inclusion in this category, except I can because hahaha for Mary Poppinses?? Oh dear. Love John C. Reilly as well but if he didn’t win for ‘Chicago’ he shouldn’t win for ‘Stan & Ollie’, which I think is about those muppet hecklers? This is almost a definite win for Christian Bale, though I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if they gave it to Lin just because the Globes be crazy. <\/div>\n
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BEST ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN ANY MOTION PICTURE <\/font><\/strong>Amy Adams, ‘Vice’ Claire Foy, ‘First Man’ Regina King, ‘If Beale Street Could Talk’ Emma Stone, ‘The Favourite’ Rachel Weisz, ‘The Favourite’<\/div>\nWILL AMY ADAMS EVER WIN AN AWARD? Okay she has won two Globes but she is one of the best actresses to still not have won an Oscar. Maybe this will start her season off right! Although who wants her first Oscar to be for the monster Lynne Cheney YEESH. This is a great category overall though. I do have a sneaking sense that one of ‘The Favourite’ girls will sneak in to upset the Adams train. The HFPA loves Emma and Rachel and they were great in it, so maybe one of them will dark horse this up. But I think it’s Amy’s. She will be so happy! <\/div>\n
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BEST ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN ANY MOTION PICTURE <\/font><\/strong>Mahershala Ali, ‘Green Book’ Timothee Chalamet, ‘Beautiful Boy’ Adam Driver, ‘BlacKkKlansmen’ Richard E. Grant, “Can You Ever Forgive Me?’ Sam Rockwell, ‘Vice’ <\/div>\nI can’t believe I already used my ‘WHO IS THIS CHILD IN THE BIG MOVIES EVERY YEAR EVEN THOUGH HE’S NOT OLD ENOUGH TO SEE THEM YET’ diatribe on Lucas Hedges when we have Chalamet in the mix! god what is UP with these little boys being such damn good actors? I love Chalamet (not as much as John Mulaney’s wife does but enough) but BB is too depressing for anyone to still think about. He has a long illustrious career ahead of him, I am sure. Adam Driver’s career is like nothing anyone could have predicted, I guess I’m happy for him, but he will have to be satisfied with Star Wars money. I’ve heard great things about Grant and I could see this being the category the voters throw a curveball into, but the race is mainly between Mahershala and Sam. Both are the big recent Supporting Actor winners of the last two seasons, which will make some voters want to spread the wealth, but Mahershala actually didn’t win the Globe for ‘Moonlight’ (the Globes like to throw curveballs like I said! (of course their curveball that year in his category was to my most hated movie ever made so that’s fun) (we shall not be naming it)) so this is most likely his. <\/div>\n
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BEST DIRECTOR <\/font><\/strong> Bradley Cooper, ‘A Star is Born’ Alfonso Cuaron, ‘Roma’ Peter Farrelly, ‘Green Book’ Spike Lee, ‘BlacKkKlansmen’ Adam McKay, ‘Vice’<\/div>\nThe best director race is mainly between Bradley and Cuaron, two men the voters adore for very different reasons. If Bradley is awarded for Best Actor, then this one will go to Cuaron. It is most likely Cuaron’s anyway as a way to compensate ‘Roma’, one of the most beloved movies of the year, for being shut out of the Best Movie categories because it’s not in English (thems the rules), which is some real bullshit considering these are the awards from the Hollywood FOREIGN Press, the awarding organization most likely to recognize that things in languages other than English have merit considering I would bet money that every single member speaks at least one non-English language. Way to buck the stereotype (of being learned), guys. But either\/any\/all would be deserving winners. I’d love if Spike Lee won just for having the balls to end his film as he did, which was the most moving and upsetting part. <\/div>\n
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Okay I was so proud of myself for finishing that I completely forgot I have to write about television too! Goddammit the Globes are like this website, trying to cover way too much! You’d think that my being in the UK would make it even harder for me to see all the American-focused television nominated at the Globes than it is for me to see all the movies, but you would be wrong. I watch a lot of TV.<\/div>\n
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BEST DRAMA SERIES <\/font><\/strong>The Americans Bodyguard Homecoming Killing Eve Pose<\/div>\nThis is a really interesting group of shows, all at least decent. The Americans is one of the best dramas in history, and it should be awarded for its final, impeccable season. I still cry sometimes thinking about the garage scene and poor Stanny Beems. But it won’t win, because the damn foreign press loves Killing Eve and loooves Sandra Oh – and she is HOSTING. She is going to win (see below) and this show is going to win, even though (my mom is going to be mad) it was JUST OKAY. I think the premise of Killing Eve had a shittonne of potential, but they didn’t actually fulfill it. The writing and the storyline got kind of out of whack halfway through, and though it was always entertaining, it wasn’t great, and it definitely wasn’t ‘best’. Be best! Bodyguard gets a similar review. It was one of the most riveting shows I’ve ever watched – I was on edge the entire time, heart racing. They achieved levels of suspense that are usually reserved for movie-making. But while it was super successful in that regard, it was overall a B level series, with some groan-worthy turns and some just-okay writing. The Americans is the best show on this list by a mile, but it won’t beat the British shows. The Globes never actually reward the best of TV though, just the people and properties they like talking about, so it’s fine, I’m fine, we’re all fiiiine. <\/div>\n
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BEST TV DRAMA ACTOR <\/font><\/strong>Jason Bateman, Ozark Stephan James, Homecoming Richard Madden, Bodyguard Billy Porter, Pose Matthew Rhys, The Americans<\/div>\nYAS BILLY PORTER COME THROUGH!!! I mean not actually ‘through’ like ‘to the winner’s podium’, just like hooray for the nom, I adore you you Tony winner! But not as much as Matthew Rhys with his WELSH ACCENT that NO VIEWERS of The Americans would EVER have guessed he had. Loves it! There are great performers on this list but no one touches Matthew’s performance, especially in the last episode of The Americans. Dammit that show was incredible, and he was the best part, other than my aforementioned main man Stanny Beems. I hope he wins, and he might ride his Emmy-award momentum to a win here. But I wouldn’t be surprised if Richard Madden pulled ahead, because he was on yet another acclaimed show but this time it’s British and they love that. <\/div>\n
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BEST TV DRAMA ACTRESS <\/font><\/strong>Caitriona Balfe, Outlander Elisabeth Moss, The Handmaid’s Tale Sandra Oh, Killing Eve Julia Roberts, Homecoming Keri Russell, The Americans<\/div>\nCan’t believe The Handmaid’s Tale is still on; it feels like it’s been on for ten seasons already, or maybe that’s just because real life in America feels like that now. Regardless, this is Oh’s. Oh, no. Keri Russell gets all the same praise I gave Matthew Rhys,
supra<\/em>, because they were two halves of a whole that built a gripping, poignant, masterpiece of a show. This should be hers (just like the Emmy should have been) but this is Sandra’s. I mean she’s the g-d host, for crying out loud. Ain’t no way they’re gonna get her to host and then not give her a trophy for it. The only way I can see Sandra losing is if the voters decide to give it to Julia Roberts, because she’s forking Julia Roberts and they are probably peeing in their pants excited to see her tonight. I mean she’s also great, yes, but the HFPA only cares that she is Julia mufuhing Roberts. <\/div>\n<\/div>\n
BEST COMEDY SERIES <\/font><\/strong>Barry The Good Place Kidding The Kominsky Method The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel<\/div>\nAre they just kidding about Kidding, and Komisky? Don’t get me wrong, I love The Kominsky Method because I enjoy many properties that are intended for elderly Jews (am one at heart!), but while it’s entertaining, it’s not like, great. But happily, three of these noms are indeed three of the best comedies on right now: Maisel, Barry, and The Good Place. I’m going to take a minute to talk about the best of those three, which means it’s the best show out right now ever in the whole entire world and guess what also in the entire history of television: The Good Place. TGP has created a unique sitcom, which seems like an impossible thing to do. Not just in terms of the subject matter, but in terms of structure. With almost every single episode, it turns the show’s universe on its head with twists and surprises that are usually reserved for season finales. And it doesn’t just do that for the sake of doing something different or unexpected: it actually best serves the show. It teaches viewers about philosophy and all the important thinkers of history while simultaneously having some of the dumbest humor (in the best way) ever. Every performance is pitch perfect, and trying to pick a favorite or a best is like trying to pick the cutest doggo. Which is probably why only one of the very deserving performers is nominated for a Globe; they just couldn’t deal with how great everyone is and giving the others Globes is like kind of a slap in the face for how good they are and how many better things they deserve for being amazing. If Mike Schur’s humor is on the same wavelength as yours, you feel like he created this show exactly tuned to your preferences, and it’s THE GREATEST feeling to have that in existence. But it’s not going to win because WE’RE IN THE BAD PLACE, but also because no one can stop the Maisel train. I do truly love Maisel, and I wish the costumer would just give me all the forking clothes on that show, god damn they’re amazing, and it is a deserving winner. Barry is also great, even though I am super stressed out while watching it because ahhh, assassins and what not. I expect the HFPA to give it to Maisel, though I wouldn’t be surprised if Barry won, or honestly Kominsky because they love doing crazy shit and they love the old cockers on that show. <\/div>\n
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BEST TV COMEDY ACTOR <\/font><\/strong>Michael Douglas, The Kominsky Method Sacha Baron Cohen, Who is America Jim Carrey, Kidding Donald Glover, Atlanta Bill Hader, Barry<\/div>\nTake what I was just saying about The Kominsky Method and use that to explain why Michael Douglas is going to win this award. He’s old-time Hollywood, the biggest star on the list, and that’s exactly who the HFPA loves to get to come to their party. The voters are super stoked that Douglas is doing a TV show (even though it’s on Netflix, which is like, the dream job for every actor) and one that’s funny at that. Also, the Globes often love to award the new kid on the block, more than any other awards do. So I’m fully expecting Douglas to win tonight and thank CZJ. My vote would be for Sacha exposing how disgusting American politics is, but his show is likely too controversial. I think the biggest competitor for Douglas is Hader, who is simply sensational in Barry, like you have never seen him and would never expect. It’s ridiculous how good he is. But the real winner in my book is Ted Danson, who is not nominated in the biggest shanda of the entire award season. No matter who is snubbed even for the Oscars, it won’t compare to not recognizing that Danson’s performance as Michael on The Good Place is the pinnacle of perfection in sitcom acting. It seems like it’s just him doing what comes natural to him, and that’s a testament to how much thought he actually puts into every intonation and every little hand gesture to make Michael so fully fleshed out (even though his flesh doesn’t contain human juice OR goo) and so hilarious. Too good for the Globes, I say! <\/div>\n
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BEST TV COMEDY ACTRESS <\/font><\/strong>Kristen Bell, The Good Place Candice Bergen, Murphy Brown Alison Brie, GLOW Rachel Brosnahan, The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel Debra Messing, Will & Grace<\/div>\nFORK this was a hard one to alphabetize! So many damn B’s! (bees?) I’d say the voters just started at the top of the list of eligible performers and ticked off the first ones they saw, but they are actually all pretty great. This is hundo p Brosnahan’s, as she is simply marvelous as Maisel. And I’m great with that, because I adore her. I’d be happy though with any of three B ladies winning: Brosnahan, Bell, or Brie. Bell is entirely wonderful in The Good Place – no one else could turn what seem like basic (YA BASIC) lines into absolute hilarity (“sounds like your friend is one pickle short of…a pickle party”) and be a terrible person and yet so likable. And Alison Brie should be a household name for how good an actor she is, it’s almost sick how good she is. Her performance as Zoya the Destroya’s twin sister is reason enough to vote for her. I realize that saying Candice Bergen and Debra Messing have already had their time and their chance (and their awards) sounds mean and ageist, but they have LITERALLY already had their time and chance FOR THESE EXACT SAME SHOWS. Don’t get me wrong, the shows are two of my all-times, but this whole revival thing is getting old. Can the people who are so dead-set on reviving old classic TV shows instead focus the revival effort on Broadway so we can get a gottamn third musical revival this season??? <\/div>\n
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Well, that’s all I have to say about that because like you I’m getting exhausted with myself. As for the limited series categories, Darren Criss and the Gianni Versace movie will win everything it can. People love that shit. The supporting actor and actress in a TV show categories are utter bollocks so it’s best we remain civil and just skip them. (Although I’ll be happy for Henry Winkler (loves him) and Alex Borstein winning.) If you made it this far, congratulations, you probably have the stamina to actually watch the Golden Globes! Enjoy! <\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
It’s officially my favorite season – awards season! This evening, January 6, brings us another round of the favorite game of the world’s most inane entertainment […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":3908,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[147],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3907","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-entertainment"],"yoast_head":"\n
Golden Globes 2019: The Annual Shitshow is Back So Let\u2019s Make Some More Shit Up - Laughfrodisiac<\/title>\n \n \n \n \n \n \n \n \n \n \n \n \n\t \n\t \n\t \n \n \n \n \n \n\t \n\t \n\t \n