{"id":11325,"date":"2020-02-07T08:00:00","date_gmt":"2020-02-07T08:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/laughfrodisiac.com\/?p=11325"},"modified":"2020-02-07T11:31:29","modified_gmt":"2020-02-07T11:31:29","slug":"all-most-of-the-important-movies-to-know-before-the-academy-awards","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/laughfrodisiac.com\/2020\/02\/07\/all-most-of-the-important-movies-to-know-before-the-academy-awards\/","title":{"rendered":"All (Most) of the Important Movies to Know Before the Academy Awards"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>It\u2019s time for our favorite annual tradition! The Oscars are Sunday, and so it\u2019s time (really waited till the last minute this year) to talk about the films you should know if you are going to watch\/talk to people\/go out into the world. Below I have commented in my trademark rambling nonsense fashion on all the important movies of the 2019 season, plus some that are definitely not important but I had already written their little blurbs before I decided not to do Every Movie I Saw This Year like I\u2019ve done in the past and I decided to keep them in for fun. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I think this year was EXCEPTIONALLY strong for movies (not for literally anything else in the world, but for movies). There are several films that in other years would have been the clear \u2013 and only possible \u2013 winner. Yet in this packed season, there are so many great films that many worthy ones have been left out of awards contention altogether. And the ones considered frontrunners in certain categories don\u2019t even include my favorites. What a year! Hooray for movies! Let\u2019s get into it; lord knows it\u2019ll take you long enough to read.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">1917<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Before seeing this movie, I was told that it was mighty\nstressful, which of course it is, it\u2019s a war epic, but like, extra so. I wanted\nto take an Ativan but only had one left and I need it for my next flight but\nomg I really should have used it for this; it\u2019s the most stressful movie ever. I\ndon\u2019t think I was breathing and I was digging my nails into my palms the whole\ntime (and I don\u2019t really have nails!). But, it\u2019s an incredible film. Who knew\nthere were still interesting and new war stories to tell? I was like UGH\nANOTHER BRITISH WAR MOVIE (they\u2019re all British even the ones that aren\u2019t) but\n1917 might actually be the greatest one, so unbelievably gripping and emotional\nand personal. It\u2019s hard to make a war movie feel personal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>1917 came about because Kate Winslet\u2019s ex husband (also incredible stage director, like legit responsible for some of my absolute favorite theatrical works in history like the Alan Cumming-Natasha Richardson (RIP) version of <em>Cabaret<\/em>, the Bernadette <em>Gypsy<\/em>, the West End debut of <em>Assassins<\/em> ffs!, <em>The Ferryman<\/em>, what was I talking about? Oh right he was also married to Kate Winslet for 8ish years and wrote and directed 1917 (I\u2019m talking about Sam Mendes btw)) had a grandfather who was in the war and never spoke about his experiences until way late in his life for obvious reasons and one of the stories he told young Sammy was about sending messages across enemy lines and so Sammy wrote a movie about that tale and did an amazing job. I really don\u2019t like war movies, like I will never rewatch them and isn\u2019t rewatching the hallmark of enjoying something? But hell if this isn\u2019t superb. It tells of two young British soldiers who are ordered by the hot priest and the still-hot Colin Firth (I had no idea anyone famous was in it and then there are like TOO MANY famous people it was kind of ridiculous and honestly felt weird they all had 2 lines max) to take a message to fellow troops miles away, requiring them to cross no man\u2019s land and former enemy territory and basically miraculously survive just walking out in the open in order to stop an attack that Colonel Bandersnatch is itching to launch against the Germans, who Bandersnatch thinks have retreated but IT\u2019S A TRICK. The two soldiers tasked with this\u2026um\u2026task need to get this message to the other troops not only to save thousands of lives but also because one of their older brothers is in that regiment, the one who is Jon Snow\u2019s brother from the bad wedding, you know, and in the show where his lady boss blows up. Richard Madden. Save him! He has such bad luck!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The bad luck runs in the family, apparently, and the two boys go through all manner of hell in their attempt to deliver their message. They cross no man\u2019s land and get cut on barbed wire and slide down into horse corpses (it is HARD to say horse corpses a few times in a row, like the WW1 version of \u2018wasp nostrils\u2019 (you know what I\u2019m talking about if you watched the BSE (Best Show Ever))) and almost get done in by gigantic ROUS\u2019s in German underground barracks and get stabbed by Germans and find babies that they want to help and it\u2019s all just VERY SAD and we should do whatever we can do avoid wars, guys, why is anyone still supporting a war? Looks bloody terrible. The most miraculous thing about this movie, besides how Richard Madden with literally 30 seconds of screentime broke my g-d heart into a million pieces and I can\u2019t stop thinking about it (the only famous actor that needed to be in it, really; they could have saved so much money I bet by not paying for Firth and Bandergiggles and forking Mark Strong and hot priest (but keep him around) (also I bet you didn\u2019t catch stage stars Jamie Parker (original Harry Potter onstage) and Michael Jibson (original King George in Hambabies on the West End))), was that it was filmed so expertly that it looked like one uninterrupted shot, making us feel like we were on that harrowing journey with the boys, which I don\u2019t appreciate because that\u2019s why I couldn\u2019t breathe and was so forking scared but man that is some directorial genius. Bravo.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">AD ASTRA<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Okay, so you\u2019re a rocket scientist\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Okay, so you have a car\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Okay, so you\u2019re Brad Pitt\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>That don\u2019t impress me much.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>ALWAYS BE MY MAYBE<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>I\u2019m always down for a new Netflix romcom, an Ali Wong comedy\nspecial, and a bit of Keanu Reeves. Put all three of those together and you\u2019ve\nsurely got a slam dunk, right? But <em>Always\nBe My Maybe<\/em> was just okay for me, dog. It told the story of Ali Wong and\nRandall Park as teenagers who are best friends, and then a couple for a minute,\nand then they grow up and Ali becomes a world-famous chef and Randall becomes a\nstruggling musician and then they reconnect and you want them to be happy\ntogether but they aren\u2019t and it\u2019s a little off, but then they are and it\u2019s\nokay? Their grown-up dynamic is very Luke and Lorelai after they\u2019re a couple,\ncompletely devoid of the magic and romance and just, well, meh. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Ali and Randall are super likable and it\u2019s wonderful to have them play romantic leads, but there wasn\u2019t enough rom in this com for me. It seemed like maybe it was for the best if they didn\u2019t end up together, so forcing them together didn\u2019t have the necessary emotional weight that a romantic pairing should. It was more like \u2018yeah they are good friends with a history, this is nice, I GUESS.\u201d Keanu Reeves taking the piss out of his own public persona was by far the highlight, and Randall\u2019s weird af girlfriend was definitely the lowlight. Why would he put up with her? So annoying. A lot was annoying.. And although the emotional threads tied up neatly at the end, killing off a parent in the first five minutes to create those threads lost me a little right away. What do they think they are, a Disney movie? <\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>THE BANKER<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>They did this movie dirty. I was lucky to get a screener of\nthis way back before the controversy that pushed its release back several\nmonths and removed it from the festival circuit, and it was a great film with\ngreat performances. It\u2019s too bad no one else will see it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>The Banker<\/em> tells\nthe true story of Bernard Garrett, a black man in the 1950s who is like hey I\nwant to be a banker, but he lives in America\nso the public is like hey you shut up. But Garrett has DREAMS and he\u2019s played\nby a very serious and stern Anthony Mackie and Anthony Mackie doesn\u2019t let\nanyone crush his dreams (even when he had a dream that Matt Damon should be\npresident and Matt was like, I just wanna love Emily Blunt who is a dancer? and\nMackie is like no let\u2019s wear these magical hats that take us through doors (but\nnot like The Good Place) and I\u2019ll convince you, it\u2019s president time, and Matt\u2019s\nlike no I don\u2019t wanna listen to you or have my life all mapped out and Mackie\nis like BUT LOOK I\u2019M HOLDING THE MAP and Matty\u2019s like NO and Mackie\u2019s like YES\nand then they like compromise but the universe is magical or something I don\u2019t\nreally get that movie but I do like how a door from a pizza place connects to\nthe Statue of Liberty, that depressed French bitch) or, it seems, have any fun.\nSo Garrett goes to California and meets Samuel L. Jackson and Sammy is like WOO\nLET\u2019S HAVE A PARTY and Garrett is like \u2018no I want to be a banker \u2013 well first I\nwant to be a landlord, then a banker later \u2013 and I guess I need your help\u2019 and\nSammy is like WE CAN WORK AND PLAY LET\u2019S MAKE SOME MONEY BABY and Garrett is\nlike \u201chmm maybe\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>So then Chief O\u2019Brien takes a break from not paying\nattention to his children (he has two does he know) to sell Garrett his first\nbuilding so he can own real estate but then O\u2019Brien dies and they never signed\na contract and that\u2019s a real setback and not just because I guess his death\nmeans that that teenage Ferengi is now chief of engineering? I can\u2019t believe\nhow much Star Trek husbo has made me watch? Anyway Sammy and Garrett are\nUNDETERRED and they form a partnership to become big boss landlords and then\nthe first black bankers but obvs they can\u2019t just go like START so they hire\nWilling White Man Nicholas \u201cI was once a young&nbsp;\nKelsey Grammer\u201d Hoult to be their faux frontman and start doing banking,\nI guess, you could just go start a bank back then, banks didn\u2019t already run the\nworld? And Nicholas \u201cJennifer Lawrence used to be my girlfriend\u201d Hoult does a\ngood job of being the face of the company while Garrett and SLJ pretend to be\nhis chauffeurs but are really running things but all the white clients would\nnever work with them if they knew, so it\u2019s like a great big secret operation to\nkeep up and it\u2019s rather entertaining. But then Nicholas doesn\u2019t marry JLaw (she\nmarried some total rando with a food name) and instead marries this awful\nblonde woman who tells him he should fork over his partners because he\u2019s white\nso he\u2019s more important and he DOES (this part is sexist and I don\u2019t think this\nfilm passes the Bechdel test) and everything goes to shit and of course the\nblack guys suffer for it but I think it all like sort of works out? It was\npretty good.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Unfortunately, it came to light that the son of Garrett Sr. \u2013 portrayed for a few minutes in the movie as a mostly-silent teen \u2013 has a history of sexual assault accusations, so Apple had really no choice but to pull it. This figure isn\u2019t really important to the movie at all \u2013 it\u2019s about his father \u2013 but he was a co-producer. Why they couldn\u2019t just remove him from the project and make sure he doesn\u2019t benefit from it I don\u2019t know. Maybe he held the life rights and couldn\u2019t be removed? Maybe there\u2019s more to it? Amar Ramasar gets to play Bernardo on Broadway but everyone\u2019s hard work on this movie gets canned? Sucks all around. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>A BEAUTIFUL DAY IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>This dramatic continuation of the resurgence of Mr. Rogers\nlove, after his lovely documentary last year, was so much better than it is\ngetting credit for. Tom Hanks is wonderful as expected, with so much heart and\nlovableness, and Matthew Rhys continues to impressively hide his Welsh accent\nand capture the nuance of his characters. The story, of how Mr. Rogers helped a\nstruggling journalist who had Anger Issues and Father Issues and Lots of Other\nIssues by being his loving, caring self is exactly what we need right now, a\nstory that ultimately reminds you that some people are decent and we all should\ntry to be so decent.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The movie begins with Mr. Coach Tom Hanks Rogers Steve doing an episode of his show, telling the viewers about a friend of his who is suffering. He shows a picture of this friend and it\u2019s Matthew! But they haven\u2019t met yet! Flershberkkkk and Matthew, a deep-digging investigative journalist, is assigned a profile on Mr. Rogers by his boss who is none other than Chicago Hope\u2019s Christine Lahti, responsible for one of the top five greatest awards show moments in history (when she won but was in the bathroom omg do you remember? I do it was THE BEST). Matthew is like whatttt ughhh but I\u2019m a serious journalistttt and he\u2019s a kids show hoooost and Christine is like \u201cthey told me I won when I flushed the toilet and I thought it was a joke!\u201d and so Matthew has to go meet Mr. Rogers and they form a bond and Fred helps him through all his issues and he\u2019s just the nicest man ever and it makes you want to be a nice man too and ugh it\u2019s just SO FORKING GOOD. I love this movie so much, one of my faves of the year. We really take Tom Hanks for granted because he\u2019s so good always in anything and he is again here but we shouldn\u2019t take him for granted we should praise jebus for him amen. The whole cast is good, including Chris Cooper as Matthew\u2019s estranged, dying father (so good and so sad that ending ERMA ERMA ERMA) and also Tammy Blanchard is in it for two seconds just to remind you how good she is and that she should get the lead role in the Little Shop remake not ScarJo I mean hello Tammy is a musical theatre amazer (yes Scarlett has a Tony (so few people know this lol) but for a PLAY can she sing? I mean if she can sing I guess she\u2019d be good but Tammy is so excellent and just played the role off-Bway ugh anyway go watch this movie). It&#8217;s a really lovely film that we all probably need right now.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>BETWEEN TWO FERNS: THE MOVIE<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Zach Galifianakis\u2019s (omg I just googled and I spelt his name right on the first try I\u2019m a wizard Harry) amazing celebrity interviews are a thing of beauty, awkward and uncomfortable and hilarious beauty. So it makes sense that someone somewhere was like \u2018let\u2019s cash cow this up with a Netflix movie\u2019, but a funny thing repeated for a few hours longer than usual isn\u2019t the best idea. The interviews, as always, are hilarious, but then they had to make a story around it. And that story is bad. They created a behind-the-scenes tale of Zach and his crew on his public access interview show, and their work in putting on the fake cable show and getting to each interview is not interesting. The new interviews, with an amazing array of stars, were hilarious as always, but the BTS stuff stringing them together were lackluster and, all too often, zero fun. They should have just released a new crop of interviews and called it a day.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>BOOKSMART<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>My best friend Beanie Feldstein got to star in one of the\nbest movies ever and it is WHAT SHE DESERVES. A much-needed high school comedy\nfrom the girls\u2019 perspective, <em>Booksmart<\/em>\nis the vulgar-but-intelligent story of a believably realistic (well except for\nbaby Carrie Fisher who has some sort of magic and is amazing) senior class the\nnight before they graduate. I should have known that it would be a perfect\nmovie when Katie Silberman, the genius behind the best modern romcom, <em>Set It Up<\/em>, was on the writing team, and\nwith Beanie involved, and directed by Olivia Wilde (pre-Richard Jewell fiasco),\nand with a host of Broadway and Broadway-adjacent names attached. But it was so\nmuch better than I hoped. SO MUCH FUN.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The movie tells of overachiever Beanie Feldstein (I don\u2019t\nlook up names that I forget, you know this by now) \u2013 class president, going to\nYale (ugh they don\u2019t deserve you), never had a day of fun because she was\nprepping for her future \u2013 going to parties for the first time, with her bff\nKaitlyn Dever, who is excellent. They party hop trying to find the boy Beanie\nhas a crush on, and all the unique characters that get a chance to shine during\nthis parade of hilarity (the aforementioned baby Carrie Fisher who pops up\neverywhere is pitch perfect (and looks so much like her grandmother who I loved\nso so much ugh I think of her family all the time it\u2019s not weird), as is the\nhilarious Jared whose ridiculousness masks his insecurity) make this a truly\ngreat ensemble comedy. I felt especially seen with the character of young Evan\nHansen (true story), the theatre kid throwing shade at Dever\u2019s singing during\nthe amazing Alanis karaoke scene with his cutting \u201cshe\u2019s not using breath\nsupport, do you hear\u201d line. I cannot. And continuing in the model set by <em>Easy A<\/em> with the lead teenage girl\u2019s parents\nbeing off-the-charts hysterical, Will Forte and Lisa Kudrow are amazing in the\nliterally one minute they get. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Aside from all the hilarity, this movie has real moments of depth and thoughtfulness. Like Beanie, I assumed that her classmates who partied all through high school could never have gotten into the same school she did or even better ones, and I felt for her when she realized she wasted so much time when she could have been enjoying herself. And a good teenage comedy doesn\u2019t exist without the requisite look at assumptions and stereotypes about certain people, along with a good self-sacrificing event to try to make amends, like Beanbean gets. Throw in a ridiculous pizza delivery guy plus an unexpected callback, some Jason Sudeikis, some great Jessica Williams (YQY), the most theatre-kid party imaginable, amazing Jewish representation and jokes, and some actually incredible camerawork (that pool shot had no business being so good), and you have a movie that makes my \u2018will rewatch a million times\u2019 list.&nbsp; <\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>BOMBSHELL<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Nothing makes me angrier (well, at least on the topic of biopics) than when sucky real people get amazing gorgeous actors to play them. Ugh Megyn Kelly yes was a victim and yes went through some horrible experiences but that doesn\u2019t make her a good person who is worthy of having Charlize play her. What\u2019s next, Michelle Williams signing up to play f-ing Meghan McCain? PASS. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>DOLEMITE IS MY NAME <\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>THIS MOVIE IS SO MUCH FUN! Eddie Murphy gives A PERFORMANCE\nas the real life comedian\/actor\/producer Rudy Ray Moore, as he creates his\nfamous role of Dolemite and starts his career in successful blaxploitation\nfilms. Rudy was a struggling musician, couldn\u2019t catch a break, down on his\nluck. When he talks to some local homeless people, he picks up their unique\nmelodic storytelling style and tries it out on the standup stage. (I hope he\ngave them some of his earnings for giving him his successful character idea?)\nAnd it works. The catchy performance style is distinctive, exciting, fun, and\npeople LOVE it. Not really white people \u2013 as husbo and I proved by whispering\n(it\u2019s okay we watched at home) \u2018I don\u2019t get it\u2026this is not funny\u2019 and then\nrealizing \u2018oh it\u2019s NOT FOR US\u2019 \u2013 but black communities embraced Rudy and made\nhim a star. (Every time I asked a question husbo would say \u2018IT\u2019S NOT FOR US!\u2019) To\ncapitalize on his burgeoning fame and success, Rudy sinks all his earnings into\nthe making of a movie about the character, called Dolemite, and that\u2019s what the\nmovie focuses on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Once we get into the making of the movie-within-a-movie, the movie-without-the-movie really picks up steam and is incredibly enjoyable. Oh my goodness I just realized it\u2019s the blaxploitation version of <em>The Disaster Artist<\/em>!!! That amazing (it was amazing) movie about the making of <em>The Room<\/em> told the fictionalized behind-the-scenes buildup to that creation, just like this! And just like <em>The Room<\/em>, the whole situation with <em>Dolemite <\/em>is a GD MESS and you can\u2019t help but make Chrissy-Tiegen-cringing face as you watch Rudy make questionable decisions and take egregious financial risks. But even while you worry about how it\u2019ll pan out for him, the process is so entertaining and the movie they\u2019re making is SO ridiculously hilarious that it\u2019s all a ton of fun. Eddie Murphy is so charismatic and funny, and the whole cast is a treat: we\u2019ve got Keegan Michael Key (love), Tituss Burgess (LOVESS), Bob Odenkirk, forking Wesley Snipes in disguise, Craig Robinson (JUDY), Chris Rock, Snoop, my dude Ron Cephas Jones, and an INCREDIBLE Da\u2019Vine Joy Randolph (Tony nom for Ghost the Musical! And from Philly! And went to Temple! WE LIKE HER). The whole movie-making experience is silly, outlandish, outrageous fun. I didn\u2019t know the true story so I didn\u2019t know if this particular movie was going to be his successful start, which added some dramaz to my experience. But even if you know that Dolemite becomes huge and Rudy becomes a millionaire, it\u2019s still so much fun to watch. Highly recommended for a silly fun time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>THE FAREWELL<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>A few years ago, I heard the most incredible story on This\nAmerican Life, the classic podcast that I assumed everyone listened to. (Turns\nout, not everyone does, and even more shocking to me, not everyone listens to\npodcasts! I listen to so many! There are billions of them! and they just keep on\ncoming!) A woman told the story of her grandmother in China,\nwho was diagnosed with cancer, and the family decided not to tell her. If she\nonly had a few months to live, it would be better for her quality of life not\nto worry about it, they decided, just to enjoy the time she had left and not be\nburdened or fearful. It was a very difficult decision, and a very thorny\nethical conundrum (CHIDI!), one that not all the family members agreed with,\nbut they signed on to it. The woman, Lulu Wang, traveled to China for a big\nfamily get-together to say goodbye\u2026and then her grandmother kept on keeping\non\u2026for the few months she was allotted, and then for a few more months\u2026and then\nfor a year\u2026and then for another year\u2026and then a few more years. It\u2019s\nscientifically and medically astounding, to consider how the knowing about a\ndisease may be what gives it the power to affect you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>When they announced that Lulu Wang was writing and directing a movie about this experience, I was like \u2018Oh right that podcast story remember it was amazing!\u2019 to everyone I talked to and literally no one listened to it, wtf guys, catch up on your podcasts! I mean it\u2019s Ira Glass, come through! Awkwafina stars in the Lulu role and is very good, but the star of the movie for me is Nai Nai, the grandmother, played by Zhao Shuzhen in her adorable Tai Chi-doing glory. She was so cute I love her. My other favorite part is that Nai Nai\u2019s sister is played by Lulu\u2019s actual great-aunt, just playing herself in a popular movie, still lying to her sister, nbd (I believe they have now told her? And shown her the movie? I hope she\u2019s okay). It\u2019s a lovely little film, intimate and moving without being anything grandiose. I think it must have been nice to be surprised by this nice film and its wonderful story, but if you know all the details like I did, it was simply fine, not great. So I guess I just ruined it for you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>FORD VS. FERRARI<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n<p><strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=L2UMfNJdTpc\">\u201cOhhh, I don\u2019t driiive. I keep taking the test over and over but I\u2019m all, this is hard!\u201d<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">HARRIET<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>I haven&#8217;t gotten to see this yet BUT years ago I made Cynthia Erivo vegan cookies and now she is vegan, so I&#8217;m pretty sure I&#8217;m responsible. Also she is the queen of the world.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>HUSTLERS <\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>THIS WAS SEXUAL AND VIOLENT. I did not know Constance Wu had\nthis in her and I\u2019m not sure I liked it; I was very uncomfortable seeing this\nin theatres but watching it at home alone would make me feel like a perv.\nANYWAY <em>Hustlers<\/em> is about strippers\nwho decide to drug and rob their customers but it\u2019s okay because they are\nlargely white men who work at banks??? I\u2019m iffy on the morals because all I do\nis know white men who work at banks! But I guess they don\u2019t frequent strip\nclubs or treat women as commodities so we are all good?? eeeeek\nChrissy-Tiegen-cringing face!!!!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>Hustlers<\/em> is about strippers struggling after the recession and deciding to go get it, gurl, but in a non-legal way via illicit (and dangerous) drogas used on unknowing men and just hoping for the best re: them not dying or catching onto their credit cards being hella charged. But really it\u2019s about appreciating Jennifer Lopez (but I guess in a way that doesn\u2019t include an Oscar nomination which like sure I don\u2019t want anyone to get an Oscar nod just for an amazing pole dance but a) she was also incredible in her book scenes (I guess I call everything that isn\u2019t sung a book scene now? #theatrecritic) and so powerful and badass and wow and b) if anyone ever WOULD or SHOULD get an Oscar nod for a pole dance it\u2019s her for this!). JLo is amazing. I\u2019m not sure how I feel about the suuuuper boooooring flashback framing device with a sad Julia Stiles interviewing Constance in the present day (and mostly I feel bad for Julia who was DEFFO like \u2018how come they don\u2019t want me to strip I used to be the romantic lead and now I\u2019m covered up in a boring suit what happened to my career!\u2019) but overall it was an enjoyable movie. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>THE IRISHMAN<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n<p><span style=\"color: #000000;\">Dearest Martha,<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #000000;\">We\u2019ve begun watching <em>The Irishman<\/em>, and I fear that its runtime will not permit me the freedom to return home to you before your time on this spinning ball is through. I will pray for you if you do the same for me.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #000000;\">Love,<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #000000;\">Your husband George Washington<\/span><\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #000000;\">Dearest Martha,<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #000000;\">I initially felt bad that I didn\u2019t see this film in theatres, but it\u2019s a full three hours without an intermission, and while I\u2019m okay with three-hour+ plays, those usually have at least TWO intervals. Luckily, it\u2019s on Netflix, and I get to pee whenever I want, just like our ancestors would have wanted. I\u2019m confused because they have cast a man who is famously Italian to play the title character, an Irish. I\u2019m also confused as to why they have cast such famously old men to play men who are generally in their 40s for most of the story. I am impressed by the performance of our dear friend Little Joey Fishes, but his CGI\u2019ed de-aging is concerning; it seems to have shrunk him like that poor man did to his children so long ago.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #000000;\">Martha, Bobby Cannavale kills a chicken in this film, and there\u2019s a good deal of butchery shown. I have seen lots of terrible things on the battlefields but they at least had purpose; this is just indulgent buffoonery. Our friend Al Pacino had no one telling him to reign it in while playing Jimmy Hoffa at full tilt; I imagine this Hoffa at any point will be busting out a \u2018HEYOOO!\u2019 but that doesn\u2019t seem period-appropriate.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #000000;\">I will write soon,<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #000000;\">General Washington<\/span><\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #000000;\">Dearest Martha,<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #000000;\">I just checked how much time was left because I assumed it was almost finished, and I could eat for the first time in days. Alas, there are 2 hours and 11 minutes left.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #000000;\">Best regards,<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #000000;\">Your husband the first president<\/span><\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #000000;\">Dearest darlingest Martha,<\/span><\/p>\n<p>I don\u2019t t<span style=\"color: #000000;\">hink this movie is bad; in fact, I believe it is solidly good, but it is not great. I believe I am right in calling this movie the not-funny version of \u2018Green Book\u2019. I don\u2019t understand what Anna Paquin is doing in it with only three lines, but I do think her character is extremely important, to show who pays attention to her and how she reacts. It\u2019s probably really deeply considered but alas, I am too distracted by thinking about how winning an Oscar so young never turns out well. I think it\u2019s interesting what they are saying about Hoffa but more interesting what they are saying about fragile masculinity and the toxicity of masculine culture, but I don\u2019t know if that was intentional. Also, I realize now that I knew the whole \u201chouse-painter\u201d euphemism because of the <em>Friends<\/em> episode when Monica\u2019s boyfriend Pete, the future director of the Marvel universe, decides to become an Ultimate Fighting Champion and he says his trainer Yoshi used to be an assassin and Yoshi interrupts \u201cHOUSE PAINTER!\u201d so that\u2019s fun.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #000000;\">Warmly,<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #000000;\">Your second-term first president<\/span><\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #000000;\">Dearest Martha,<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #000000;\">I\u2019m STILL not done watching this movie.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #000000;\">I don\u2019t understand?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #000000;\">Is the war still on?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #000000;\">Best,<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"color: #000000;\">Georgie<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>ISN\u2019T IT ROMANTIC<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>As a lover of romcoms, I honestly fully enjoyed this romcom that sort of spoofed and sort of paid homage to all the romcoms and their tropes that came before. I loved being rewarded for knowing all the tiniest references to past films. I loved Liam Hemsworth as a hot idiot. Who doesn\u2019t love a hot idiot? I loved Betty Gilpin (from <em>Glow<\/em>) dressed superdown as a mousy nerd and then getting to be a hot bitch in the fantasy section. I even sort-of liked Buster? Boomer? The ass from Pitch Perfect, although I\u2019m not entirely convinced of his leading man status. But I just didn\u2019t buy Rebel Wilson. I think I don\u2019t find her charming enough to sell me on her romcom leading lady status. You need a romcom to feel aspirational and I do not aspire to playing the same character in every single movie and having the same schtick no matter the situation. I almost wanted Boomer to stay with Priyanka Chopra, even though she married a Jonas and played a yoga ambassador (honestly sounds awesome (the yoga ambassador part not the marrying a Jonas)). Rebel just didn\u2019t do it for me here; it\u2019s like she keeps playing Fat Amy but in different settings. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>JOKER <\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>I did NOT want to see this movie. I didn\u2019t want to give\nmoney to Todd Phillips, annoying anti-PC culture crusader (weird flex, Todd\n(ugh such a perfect name for a white whiny man, TODD) (like Todd in Sweet\nValley High! Ugh he was such a diddadoof)), and I didn\u2019t want to support\nanother \u2018oh boo hoo this poor white man is so saaad and the world isn\u2019t\nfaaaaair to him and he only acts out because people were <em>mean to himmm<\/em> and he was just trying to be <em>nice<\/em> and ladies didn\u2019t <em>appreciate<\/em>\nhim even though they say they want a <em>nice<\/em>\nguy and everything goes wrong for him but he didn\u2019t <em>deserve <\/em>it he deserves betterrr and that\u2019s why he MURDERED.\u2019 But\nthen I saw it, and it wasn\u2019t like that. It was prettayyy amazing.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Maybe it\u2019s amazing due to Joaquin\u2019s performance (which is\ngreat but NB, there\u2019s a reason every theatre production has an expert serving\nas combat consultant if there is ANYTHING physical going on, and it is not as\ncool as people think that Joaquin went off-plan in certain scenes, like when he\ndislocated his knee and \u2018improved\u2019 fight scenes like with the bankers, it\u2019s\nactually dangerous and risky for the entire production BUT I DIGRESS), but even\nthough I was like \u2018okay we REALLY don\u2019t need another Joker story\u2019, this is a\ngreat one. Despite all the things I said above kind of being true, you do feel\nfor him, because when you get virtually anyone\u2019s back story and can understand\nthe hardships they\u2019ve faced and all the injustice they\u2019ve suffered, it helps to\nsee why they sometimes turn into monsters. (Excuse me, just like my boy Jason\nMendoza told the judge last year, so.) Not to understand in an empathetic way,\nby any means, but just to see how it could have happened. That\u2019s where the\ncontroversy with this film exists, between the people who see it as apologizing\nfor how he\/similar monsters turn out, vs. people who see it as simply sharing\nwhat happened and why and not justifying it at all. I happen to think it\u2019s the\nlatter, not justifying his transformation and actions in the least but\ndescribing how a lifetime of injustices become too much to bear.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And it\u2019s sad. Jesus, it\u2019s so forking sad, how society lets\nhim down, and how cruel other people are, and how easy it is for people who\nsociety stomps down and tramples on to turn to violence (and so easy to acquire\na gun). I don\u2019t think the movie condones this at all, it elucidates it. And\nthat\u2019s what makes it terrifying: it\u2019s so easy to see why and how he turned\nviolent and so easy to see how people in real life, full of the same injustices\nbut moreso, can do the same. The most frightening part of the film is how it\nreflects our society. (And of course how my man Marc Maron\u2019s scene was cut so\nmuch, I lurv.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>It really is a fantastic film, possibly flawless, which I\nforking hate to admit. Okay no there is one flaw: the \u201cSend in the Clowns\u201d bit,\nHA HA. There\u2019s no way ON EARTH these corporate wanker bros know not only the\nSondheim classic \u201cSend in the Clowns\u201d, but know MULTIPLE VERSES. I am LITERALLY\nA THEATRE CRITIC and a Sondheim-phile and all I do is have showtunes in my head\nall day ALL DAY and even I don\u2019t know more than the opening few lines of \u201cSend\nin the Clowns\u201d. This was a serious scene (literally a multi-homicide) and I was\ntoo busy laughing in my head at the idea of these absolute lads being secret\nmusical theatre aficionados to the point of knowing all the words. AMAZING THE\nBEST PART. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Fun fact, Bradley Cooper is nominated for this movie \u2013 he\u2019s a lead producer. He also won two Grammys this year. COME THROUGH, BRADLEY.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>JOJO RABBIT<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>A movie I mistakenly referred to for months as Jojo Bunny,\nJojo Rabbit tells the story of a Hitler Youth whose imaginary friend is the big\nman himself and, against the odds of that synopsis, I could not love this movie\nmore. Taika Waititi, that mad genius, adapted this film from a book which means\nthat the most competitive Oscars category and the one most deserving of a tie\nis Adapted Screenplay (see <em>Little Women<\/em>\nbelow). Taika did the impossible, making a story about lil baby Nazis and\nHitler so hilarious, which seems like a terrible thing to say, but he nails the\nprecise tone necessary for satire this deep to be obviously on the right side\nof history. He\u2019s not saying Nazis are funny or good, guys. I feel like people\nwho don\u2019t get this don\u2019t get satire? Sad! (See what I did just there I quoted a\nNazi!)<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Little Jojo Bunny is Jojo Betzler, a very enthusiastic\nHitler Youth who is gearing up for his first day of summer camp Nazi training\n(opposite of my summer camp!) by talking to his imaginary friend, Hitler. Taika\nplays him and honestly it\u2019s the best portrayal of Adolfonso in the history of\ncinema. It\u2019s maybe the best first 10 minutes of a movie ever, at least that I\u2019m\nremembering right now. It\u2019s the kind of funny where you literally cannot stop\nlaughing but you also feel REALLY BAD for laughing and so you are worried about\nwhether you really should be laughing so hard but you cannot stop so it\u2019s just\na real wild ride. The kids at this training are babies, Jojo is like 9? Maybe\n10? I can\u2019t gauge children, but his best friend Yorkie looks to be like 9. I\ndon\u2019t know the point is they are young to be training for murder. They get indoctrinated\nwith all sorts of (hilarious) lies about Jews (very \u2018we learned this from Borat\nnot realizing that Sacha Baron Cohen also does satire\u2019) and all seems\nhunky-dory, but then baby Jojo Bunny learns that his mom is one of those social\njustice warriors who is like not all for the Nazis, and Jojo is like what! Huh!\nNazis are the best! And he learns things and it\u2019s amazing and we liked it and\nwe loved it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>What makes the movie so exceptional, in addition to\neverything Taika did to make it so, are the child actors, just when you lost\nall hope that there were good ones left in the world. Roman Griffin Davis gave\nmaybe my favorite performance by a boy all year (along with Little Timmy Cham\nCham in LW but his was supporting) and deserves credit for carrying this film.\nHis comic timing, his little face and how it reacts to things (and as we know,\nacting is reacting\u2026and reacting is preacting\u2026and preacting, well that\u2019s just\nbeing), it\u2019s really impressive. Equally impressive, possibly more\nlaugh-out-loud funny, is his best friend Yorkie, who is used just the perfect\namount at perfect times. Yorkie is played by Archie Yates, who is so\nunbelievably hilarious for a lil child that the Sussexes\nnamed their baby after him. I\u2019m remembering him in his uniform and just cracking\nup.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The boys and Taika were superb so it\u2019s bullshirt that Scarlett Johannson is the only one to be nominated for this movie, since she is the weakest part. Not that she isn\u2019t good (I\u2019ve come around to her performance) but just that everyone else is SO AMAZING. From Taika\u2019s ludicrous Hitler to Thomasin McKenzie\u2019s little Jewess to Sam Rockwell\u2019s Nazi Youth leader (he is such an incredible actor that he manages to have such an Arc with so little screentime) (also he always plays characters that are such good friends with little boys! (\u201call your friends little boys?\u201d \u2013 James Franco as Tommy Wiseau)), everyone in the cast is amazing, but especially our two little bunnies. Two very enthusiastic thumbs up, fine holiday fun. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>JUDY <\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Chicago has been on TV in the UK a lot this season, and I\u2019m in awe of the masterpiece more than ever. Rob Marshall\u2019s idea for shooting <em>Chicago<\/em>\u2019s musical numbers as figments of Roxie\u2019s imagination paid off brilliantly, and even though Cathy Jones got all the glory, Renee was magnificent in this as well. I mean her \u2018are you kidding\u2019 delivery in Richard Gere\u2019s triumphant \u201cBoth Reached for the Gun\u201d was everything. All the boring bits of the show that are obvious onstage were made fun and interesting onscreen. Anyway I\u2019m talking about <em>Chicago<\/em> because I never saw <em>Judy<\/em> but I\u2019m sure Renee is just as wonderful. I\u2019ll quote Liza and say I have no plans to see it but \u201cI hope she had a good time making it.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>THE KING<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Timmy has had quite a year, with this turn in an\namalgamation of Shakespeare\u2019s Henry plays plus his best performance to date in <em>Little Women<\/em>. <em>The King<\/em> is a forgettable period film that no one asked for, the\nequivalent of last year\u2019s Mary Queen of Scots movie with Saoirse Ronan and\nMargot Robbie (I know, that sounds fake to me too). I didn\u2019t really want to\nwatch this but it\u2019s on Netflix (hence the \u2018watch\u2019 and not \u2018see\u2019; you go to see,\nyou stay home and watch, these are my rules) and seemed Important so alas I\ndid, and it was a much more enjoyable experience than I expected. I don\u2019t know\nif I\u2019d say it\u2019s a good movie but it\u2019s fine, it\u2019s inoffensive and fine, it\u2019s\njust unnecessary when you already have lipless Kenny Branagh doing Henry V on\nfilm. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>So the first The King of the movie is Henry IV but he\u2019s\ndying so his prodigal son Hal is told to go see him and make amends and say\ngoodbye and Hal is like Anatole and saying \u2018I just wanna spend my money on\nwomen and wine\u2019 but he finally goes to see his father and the father dies and\nHal becomes King Henry V who you might know is the one that gives the \u2018once\nmore unto the breach\u2019 speech but that\u2019s not in this movie because it doesn\u2019t\nactually use Shakespeare\u2019s words, just his version of events, and the language\nhere is more regular casual talk and they say fucking a lot which seemed\nINCREDIBLY anachronistic and was enough to make me feel like I was watching the\nremnants of a script that someone wanted to do in the style of Baz\u2019s <em>Romeo + Juliet<\/em> and someone smart was\nlike \u2018no\u2019 but they didn\u2019t get all the traces of that first guy out of the\nscript. Hal goes to war because the French were being little French jackwagons\nand because he has bad people in his ear, as all kings do, and the long af war\nscenes were long af and hard to watch. They were well done but I kept asking\nmyself\/the creators \u2018who are you doing all of this for.\u2019<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>This movie is fine. The most memorable part is Timmy\u2019s bowl cut, which is also the worst part\/thing I\u2019ve ever seen. Shockingly, the best part is Joel Edgerton, as a non-unattractive Falstaff, the first time that\u2019s ever been done. It\u2019s easy to make Falstaff the best part of the Henry stories but he was extra good because he was the only aspect that wasn\u2019t kind of boring. Oh also not boring but completely unexpected and funny was Robert Pattinson as France\u2019s dauphin, doing a hilarious French accent that was ridiculous but also\u2026kind of accurate?! So that\u2019s something. Vegan warning, there are lot, like a lot a lot, of dead horses in this film. Living in this time period must have sucked. God they were so muddy. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>THE LAUNDROMAT<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>GUYS. I don\u2019t know how to even begin with this one but I\u2019m\ngonna do it by stating, as fact, as objective g-d fact, that this is one of the\nworst if not the actual worst movie ever made. And it has MERYL STREEP! Who is\nresponsible for this disaster? How did it get approved? Just because of the\nnames attached? It is offensively terrible. I can\u2019t believe this got made and\ngood scripts are blacklisted because of bullshirt politics. This is A MESS.\nHOW? WHY? HOW? WHO??<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>This godforsaken abomination begins like a Puss-in-Boots\nShrek intro, so one minute in we were like \u2018what IS this?\u2019 Meryl is married to\nvegan activist James Cromwell (the only actor who comes off well in this\nbecause he dies right away) and they are on a boat and the boat capsizes and\nlots of people drown including James, which is super sad. Meryl can\u2019t get the\ninsurance money because the boat company has insurance through a shady company\nthat is actually a shell for fraudulent activity and they are in the Caymans or\nwhatever and so Meryl has to figure out what\u2019s going on with all these corrupt\ncompanies and find answers. OR THAT\u2019S YOU THINK IT\u2019S GOING TO BE ABOUT.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Instead, Meryl is a bumbling fool who brings her family to\nher new condo but didn\u2019t actually close on it?? so the realtor shows up and is\nlike this isn\u2019t your home wtf?? She\u2019s VERY stupid and it makes me sad that\npeople exist who can\u2019t do anything but also I didn\u2019t sign up to see a movie\nabout someone so dumb. She I think finds out the answers about the insurance\npretty quickly, but whether she gets any justice I can\u2019t say because it stops\nbeing about her. No, instead of following with that fairly interesting, fairly\nimportant story of corruption, we get completely unnecessary and overly long\nsegments of entirely different characters only slightly related to the\ncorruption, whose stories are again, unnecessary and the fact that they were\nincluded is a slap in the face to people who can follow plot lines and who can\nreason with their brains. The whole rich Nigerian family in LA, with the affair\ndrama? Why why why is this in the movie? They had literally the longest section\nof this atrocity, and it\u2019s UNRELATED to the fraud at the core. Just because\nthese rich people own companies implicated doesn\u2019t mean they are committing any\nfraud, and it\u2019s nonsense to have this slice-of-life story interjected just to,\njust to what? JUST TO WHAT?! I\u2019M SO ANGRY. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If you don\u2019t think the Nigerian family randomness is enough,\nthere\u2019s a whole thing on another rich person who is also not involved in\nMeryl\u2019s injustice, but she is involved in Falun Gong organ harvesting in China?!\nWhich they show. WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL IS THIS MOVIE. It\u2019s infuriating to watch.\nIt\u2019s a story about corruption and fraud and it\u2019s frustratingly unsatisfying to\nhave it told by bumbling fools (on and off screen). They are clearly trying to\ncopy the style of <em>The Big Short<\/em> but\nit fails so, so spectacularly. Nothing in the history of the universe has been\nless thought out than this screenplay. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And then they solve everything by having it break on the\nnews!! We just see a news story without having the movie action track ANY of\nwhat was happening! It\u2019s the stupidest movie-making I\u2019ve ever seen. Meryl did\nabsolutely nothing \u2013 I thought this was about her discovering the truth and\nit\u2019s not, it literally gets solved on the news. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>David Schwimmer has a small role in this, which is fun for\nyou if you live in the USA\nand miss having Friends on Netflix (a real shame). Also Meryl\u2019s second role as\na Latina woman was suuuuuper\ngratuitous aaaand racist. It was honestly her only good performance in the film\nso that\u2019s a shame because it is yikes. Her speech at the end, transforming into\nherself, was some real self-satisfied bullshit. To say that speech\u2019s message\nwas unearned in this film would be the biggest understatement in the history of\nwords. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Is POSH an acronym? If not, WTF, why would they say that? If yes cool. This movie was painful. I wish I had a video of it so I could destroy it dramatically. And husbo could film me destroying it and that video would be a million times better than anything in this. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>LITTLE WOMEN<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>I didn\u2019t realize how much I cared about this source material\nuntil the opening credits to this movie began and I started tearing up and did\nnot stop until after this entire movie was over. Greta Gerwig is a master\nfilmmaker. I didn\u2019t know we needed a new <em>Little\nWomen<\/em>, I didn\u2019t know it could be done in a way that makes the story so\npoignant and intense. And I did not expect to be so astonished by this\nmasterpiece. It is a perfect film, with unbelievably great performances and\nevery single shot is meticulously made and gorgeous. It\u2019s super strange\n(misogynistic) that it isn\u2019t considered one of the 2-3 best movies of the year\nwhen it\u2019s one of the best movies ever made.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>Little Women<\/em> is\nthe story of the four March sisters who live with their do-gooder mother (Laura\nDern, in really her better performance of the year) while their father is at\narmy, mother. You have the eldest, Meg (Emma Watson, fine but doesn\u2019t seem the\noldest she small), the headstrong intelligent Jo (Saoirse Ronan), the sweet\nBeth (Eliza Scanlen), and the usually bratty Amy (Florence Pugh). People\nusually identify with Jo when they read the book because she\u2019s the Carrie of\nthe bunch, and Saoirse as expected is such a perfect Jo, capturing her\nliveliness and joy as well as her anger and resentment. Following Jo\u2019s story\nfeels so real and even though I will never understand her refusal of Laurie\n(especially here), she shows so much emotional depth and gives such a genuine\nperformance that her actions (almost) make sense. But the real shock of this\nmovie is how it redefines Amy. I\u2019m still in awe of how they took a mostly hated\ncharacter, the spoiled little monster who \u2018steals Laurie\u2019, and made her grow\ninto the sensible one, the one who realizes what the world asks, or demands, of\nher and knows how to deal with that. Florence Pugh was astounding, and as much\nas it icks me out that she\u2019s dating an old man, she is a brilliant actress. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Alongside these two absolutely stellar performances is one\nthat has stayed with me more than any other performance this year, in anything:\nLittle Timmy Cham Cham as Laurie. Why is this skinny boy who refuses to go out\ninto the sun so good?! I mean I guess he\u2019s hot, \u201cI guess, in a sick Victorian\nboy kind of way\u2026ooh, yeah, I want to feed him soup.\u201d I cannot believe this\nperformance of his isn\u2019t being acclaimed as the end all be all of amazing\nacting. I\u2019m not a Timmy devotee or anything but try to watch the scene of Timmy\non the hill and tell him it\u2019s not the most incredible thing all year. TIMMY ON\nTHE HILL, MAN.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I\u2019m so grateful to Greta and her genius for creating this film. It makes the world better that it exists. Her idea to weave together timelines and tell the main action in flashback was unexpected and now seems like the only right way to tell the story. The structure is so well done and makes the story so much more emotional. That\u2019s the key to this adaptation, along with the gorgeous set design and amazing performances and the score and the overall miraculous everything about it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>LONG SHOT<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Charlize Theron doing funny (her drug scene OH MY GOD) is a remarkable thing and even though I don\u2019t understand why romcoms keep pushing Seth Rogen on us as a romantic lead, this movie is ENJOYABLE. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>MARRIAGE STORY<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p><em>Marriage Story<\/em> succeeds as the most frustrating legal drama I have ever seen. This movie is about a couple who lives in NYC and is getting a divorce. The woman, Scarlett Johannson, doesn\u2019t think and when she is in LA for pilot season she gets a lawyer and then serves her husband the divorce papers when he comes to visit her and their son in LA, so now this NYC-based man (Adam Driver) has to get a lawyer IN CALIFORNIA and conduct all proceedings IN CALIFORNIA and has to establish ties to CALIFORNIA in order to show that he\u2019s committed to being near his son but also if she shows too strong ties to California they&#8217;ll be considered for sure a California based family so he really has no good move here but has to do it otherwise his IDIOT WIFE is going to get full custody even though he is the one who sleeps in his bed when the kid has bad dreams and so Adam tries to get a lawyer during his short trips to LA but his IDIOT WIFE didn\u2019t bother to tell him all the lawyers she met with before hiring Laura Dern so he wastes so much time making\u00a0 meetings with lawyers who cannot meet with him because if they even just CONSULTED with ScarJo they are legally barred from meeting him which HE DOES NOT KNOW BECAUSE HE DOESN\u2019T HAVE A LAWYER and it\u2019s all THE WORST TAKEDOWN of our family law system and I\u2019m VERY VERY ANGRY about it. It\u2019s a divorce story and no one is right or wrong it all just ABSOLUTELY SUCKS. And yes the performances are very good but can you guys stop trying to impress us with super long monologues that aren\u2019t onstage? First Jane the Virgin had that truly awkward long monologue just to impress people with her ability to remember words (which isn\u2019t impressive onscreen \u2013 if you mess up you get to go again and again ffs) and now ScarJo has an awkward long monologue and you\u2019re just like a) no one speaks like this b) it brings everything to a screeching halt and c) you just included this to act like a light-up sign saying \u201cBe Impressed!\u201d and I guess it worked on idiots who nominate people for things but it didn\u2019t work on me, ya jackwagons.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>This movie is not pleasant to watch at all, I mean obviously because it\u2019s about a couple getting divorced and there\u2019s a child and that\u2019s sad but also because Adam Driver\u2019s character is bringing a play to Broadway during this whole thing and I just wanted to see more of that. Luckily, we do see the best one of several Sondheim performances in movies this year (see e.g. Joker) when Adam sings &#8216;Being Alive&#8217; while at a bar with his theatre company, which is THE MOST theatre kid thing to do ever, to just be sitting talking in a bar and hear the piano start &#8216;Being Alive&#8217; and jump out and start singing because you are feeling so gd emotional and it&#8217;s going to be a little embarrassing but that&#8217;s how theatre kids do. The acting, espesh from Adam, is incredible in this movie, but I&#8217;m a little peeved that it&#8217;s Laura who is a shoo-in for the win on Sunday. I love her SO  much but her character was one-note, a caricature of an LA-corporate woman in skinny jeans and high heels. CONFUSED. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>MIDSOMMAR<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>No forking way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>ONCE UPON A TIME IN HOLLYWOOD<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>I was so against seeing this movie because Quentin is so\nannoying AND I did not want to support any more glamorization or romanticizing\nof the Manson bullshit (can the world just forget him? let him and his memory\ndie). But I watched it on a plane so I didn\u2019t contribute money. But why didn\u2019t\nsomeone tell me sooner that there was a dog that saves the day and was named\nRandy? Yesss that\u2019s my everything! Best ending ever! I\u2019m still iffy about the\nintentions of this movie since it\u2019s still kind of glorifying (or at least\nkeeping in the public conversation) the wicked delinquents involved with this\ninexplicable cult, but the movie was overall good. It dips in the middle but\nman that ending is fun.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>So <em>OUATIH<\/em> (horrible acronym) tells the story of Leonardo DiCaprio\u2019s cowboy actor who was on a TV show and can\u2019t catch a break into movies or being taken seriously, maybe because he relies on his house boy Brad Pitt to do everything for him including drive him around and like, feed him, apparently. Brad is a stunt man who also can\u2019t catch a break even though he can beat up Bruce Lee (weird scene). Then Leo does get a break which is nice, and he does some good acting alongside a little girl who also does some good acting, and Brad continues to not because people don\u2019t like him because he may have killed his wife??!! Which is not exactly the character development you expected or enjoy because now you\u2019re like are we supposed to keep rooting for him? And then the problematic men theme continues when Leo gets a new neighbor in the Hollywood Hills: child rapist Roman Polanski, who is married to Sharon Tate. So it\u2019s all about how all these people\u2019s lives could have been tied together, and if Brad and Leo had helped stop the murders, then Sharon\u2019s husband could have given them the career boosts necessary for making them stars, or at least gainfully employed. The movie spins an intricate web of alternate universe stories, and it\u2019s good, but it just makes you sad after (well after the incredibly fun ending, when you remember that didn\u2019t happen and you just get sad and angry and disgusted with humanity). Also, it\u2019s very Quentin Tarantino to have a movie ostensibly about Sharon Tate, at least inasmuch as it\u2019s about rewriting her fate, and only have her be in it for two minutes or so. Oh Quentin you misogynistic rascal! <\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">PARASITE <\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Listen, I don\u2019t want to say too much about this superb film\nbecause if you haven\u2019t seen it yet, you should, and it would be a crime to have\nanything about it spoiled. I had no idea what it was about, and everyone who\nsaw it before me warned me \u201cdon\u2019t read anything about it! don\u2019t read a synopsis\ndon\u2019t find out anything at all just watch it!\u201d and so I did and since I didn\u2019t\nread anything about it and had only the title to go on, I assumed it was about\nan alien species that finds a human host on earth and takes over humanity, I shit\nyou not. I\u2019ll tell you this much, that\u2019s not what it\u2019s about. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Parasite, the genius creation from Bong Joon-Ho, says what <em>Joker<\/em> wanted to say about society and class but in a much more nuanced way and without making us sympathize with a bad white man. The snowball effect of a seemingly benign action building up to the horror show it becomes seems unavoidable instead of fantastical, due to the directing, the acting, the writing, literally everything about this movie. It&#8217;s a masterpiece that manages to be a family drama, a thriller, and a bit of class warfare. And it&#8217;s a Korean film, with subtitles. That so many Americans watched and loved it gives me some hope for the Idiocracy of our future. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>ROCKETMAN<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>They should have waited another year to release this after the (slightly unwarranted) hullabaloo of <em>Bohemian Rhapsody<\/em> because they were never going to award musical biopics in consecutive years. As such, I will review this movie in two years, when it should have been released.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>SHAZAAM<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>Nothing messes with your mind more than the whole internet fight about how there was indeed a Shaquille O\u2019Neal movie called Kazaam! but no Sinbad movie called Shazaam like finally releasing a movie called Shazaam but without Sinbad! Yeah Zachary Levi is a million times better and I forking adore my cartwheeling baby George Novak but still, it\u2019s messing with my mind. Anyway I adore Zach Levi, not only because (fun fact) his name combines the names of two of my favorite people (not so fun fact, he isn\u2019t Jewish, which I\u2019ve believed for many years, dagnabbit) but also because he is a wonderful musical comedy actor and I cannot wait until he does another musical like really he better but I guess I\u2019ll be patient (until the droplets rain down like candy on Shaquille O\u2019Neal in the movie Kazaam!) That\u2019s all.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>SOMEONE GREAT <\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>I was completely on board with this movie \u2013 Gina Rodriguez at the height of \u201cJane the Virgin\u201d goodness (and pre-cancellation (hers not the shows)), Brittany Snow, an incredible soundtrack (my first intro to the genius of Lizzo! I think actually partly responsible for her surge?). But the movie was my version of Jason Mendoza going to a Skrillex concert in The Bad Place and waiting all night for the bass to drop\u2026and it never does. I kept waiting for a semblance of plot to kick in\u2026and it never did. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\">THE TWO POPES<\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>LOS DOS POPOS! This movie about two men I could not care\nless about was quite pleasant! I might not care about el popos but I do care\nvery much about Anthony Hopkins and Jonathan Pryce, so bully for me. Man alive,\npopes speak A LOT of languages. I\u2019m very jealous. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Los dos Popos is about the goings on of the Catholic church and how many people didn\u2019t want to be the face of child rapists. When JP2 died, the Catholic church had to make a new pope, and then less than a decade later that pope decided he didn\u2019t wanna anymore so they had to make a new one. We see both conclaves, both for Ratzinger and for Francis, and both are much less eventful than the 1623 conclave when six cardinals died from heat and malaria. THAT\u2019S RIGHT. \u201cI read some books, man.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I might not care too much about the church and why these men in their fancy dress and even fancier shoes have so much power, but it was very nice to see the friendship between the two men. Pryce\u2019s Francis gets painted with a lovely progressive brush that makes him seem like forking Bernie Sanders instead of a guy still part of the corrupt coverup of a huge evil scandal. Ratzinger comes off a little batty, like a stanch republican senator, so the growth of his ability to Make a New Friend was quite touching. All in all, it\u2019s a nice movie that\u2019s worth watching to hear Pryce\u2019s accent and to see how Anthony Hopkins eats pizza. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Nothing better describes this movie than this still I just took during my favorite movie <em>Set It Up<\/em>: <\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\"><figure class=\"aligncenter size-large\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"320\" height=\"214\" src=\"https:\/\/laughfrodisiac.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/02\/1a.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-11334\" srcset=\"https:\/\/laughfrodisiac.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/02\/1a.jpg 320w, https:\/\/laughfrodisiac.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/02\/1a-300x201.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 320px) 100vw, 320px\" \/><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>UNCUT GEMS<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p>When I said above that <em>1917<\/em>\nwas stressful, it was before I watched <em>Uncut\nGems<\/em>. This movie is more stressful than that emotionally scorching war\nmovie. It may be more stressful than war. I know that\u2019s a ridiculous thing to\nsay but all I know is that I have never had such high levels of residual agita\nas I have still now, days and days and days after watching <em>Uncut Gems<\/em>. Did I like it? Who can say? Was it a Good Movie? I do\nnot know how to answer that. I was riveted, yes, and I was impressed with how\nmuch I FORKING WANTED TO PUNCH ADAM SANDLER AND NOT IN A DRUNK-LOVE KIND OF\nWAY, but I think this is the wrong question. The appropriate question to ask\nafter watching this stress-test-gone-insane of a movie is, was it effective?\nDid they achieve what they aimed to? And if the Safdies set out to put me on\nblood pressure meds despite no previous markers of any such issues, then the\nanswer is yes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><em>Uncut Gems<\/em> opens in a way that lets you know right away that this will not be fun to watch: the first image is of a bloody leg, the injury of a miner in the Ethiopian gem mines. It\u2019s gross. We are going to Ethiopia soon and as much as I would like to find gems that are like the subject of this film so that I too can harness their magical powers and win the basketball world cup, I will stay away from the mines since I get hurt so easily. Next, we\u2019re out of Africa and in New York\u2019s immediately terrifying jewelry district, where Adam Sandler\u2019s Howard is dodging heavies left and right and letting Kevin Garnett (as himself, if he\u2019s a real asshole (why did he sign up to this portrayal, I want to punch him really bad too)) do stupid things and say stupid things. Soon Howie is (*vegan warning*) elbows-deep in a delivery of giant fish, which, gross, but he\u2019s digging around for something and there it is, the 6-inch or so chunk of opal from the beginning. Because Howie is a buffoon and a shlamiel, he shows Kevin Garnett the opal chunk, despite it not being for sale because it\u2019s intended for auction, and Kevin is like \u2018but I want it, how dare you show me something I can\u2019t have, I\u2019m a basketball star and a millionaire I get to have whatever I want\u2019 so he just like, TAKES IT and Howie is like \u2018oh okayyy bring it back tomorrowwww\u2019 without having Kevin like SIGN ANYTHING to mark that he needs to return it I was SCREAMING so loud \u2018DRAW UP A FORKING AGREEMENT SO HE DOESN\u2019T FORK YOU OVER\u2019 and of course he forks him over but honestly Howie forks everything up for himself anyway and why didn\u2019t anyone punch Lakeith Stanfield omg I did not know I could so viscerally hate him in something when I love him in everything else OH MY GOD I AM SO STRESSED OUT REMEMBERING WHAT HAPPENED.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>So Howie\u2019s also a gambling addict, betting big money on\nsportsball cups when he owes big money to what seems like a neverending parade\nof \u201880s-movies heavies, and he DOES NOT SEEM TO CARE. At all. Not even when he\nends up naked in a trunk and his CRIMINALLY UNDERUSED estranged wife Idina\nMenzel finds him does he realize he needs to change his ways and get his shit\ntogether, his shit is a mess. But nope he keeps on keeping on never making a\nsingle gottamn good decision and altogether stressing my shit out like never\nbefore. Obviously things go wrong, and not just for his inexplicably committed\nyoung girlfriend who gets his name tattooed on her ass like a MORON.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>If Adam Sandler set out to make you forget how charismatic and funny he can be, he did an incredible job. He was so annoying, so unbelievably frustrating in his inability to do ANYTHING RIGHT, that I think he gave a strong performance. And I guess the Safdies made a strong movie? I guess they did a good job, I don\u2019t know, I honestly need to go sit in a dark room just to calm down from writing this.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<hr class=\"wp-block-separator\"\/>\n\n\n\n<h2 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong>YESTERDAY<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n<p><\/p>\n\n\n<p>I was so angry at this movie\u2019s release, so so angry, because I have thought about this premise my entire life but never realized I could do anything with it. I\u2019ve always fantasized about \u201coh my god what if everyone suddenly forgot that x musical exists and I could pretend I just up and wrote it, that would be so cool, I would be amazing\u201d or \u201cwhat if suddenly x album didn\u2019t exist in the world and I could come out with it\u201d or with movies or books but mostly with musicals. But then I would think to myself, no, that would be wrong, I wouldn\u2019t want to take the credit of someone else\u2019s achievement, I am not a white man. I always felt guilty for daydreaming about Sondheim still being Sondheim but just one of his shows being \u2018mine\u2019. I would never do that to Stevie! And so I let these thoughts be tiny little reveries and never thought of making such an assumedly commonplace idea the focus of an actual movie or book or something. But these guys did!<\/p>\n<p><em>Yesterday<\/em> tells of a middling musician who wakes up and the world suddenly doesn\u2019t know about the Beatles. If something like this actually happened, it would feel so much like gaslighting and I would be terrified. Like my first thought wouldn\u2019t really be \u2018let me pretend I wrote this,\u2019 it would surely be \u2018am I going crazy, am I loooosing my mind?\u2019 Happily becoming the world\u2019s most famous rock star would be on the backburner of my to-do list after <a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=pB_1t-Vn6Vs\">\u2018go see a psychiatrist\u2019 \u2018I hate the psychiatrist\u2019 \u2018well go see one anyway\u2019 \u2018I don\u2019t like the psychiatrist!\u2019 \u2018you need to go see one\u2019 \u2018see a psychiatrist!\u2019 \u2018I\u2019m not going!\u2019<\/a>&nbsp;But amazingly enough, our hero (is he) starts playing Beatles songs in his local clubs and then immediately makes an album that becomes huge and then immediately becomes the biggest musician on the entire planet, SURE JAN. I don\u2019t know what\u2019s more unbelievable: that people today would respond SO overwhelmingly to the Beatles songs when they were of a different age and genre than most of today\u2019s popular music, or that Lily James would be pining for this guy for years when like, she\u2019s really pretty. (OH I know the answer: the most unbelievable thing was Lily\u2019s acting in <em>All About Eve<\/em>. (Stick to films girlfriend.)<\/p>\n<p>Honestly, it sounds like I hated it but it was one of the most enjoyable movies to watch on an airplane. It was predictable and easy and pleasant. And I would be lying if I said I didn\u2019t cry like a bebbe when 1) Rumpelstiltskin showed up as the special surprise guest who is still alive in this version of the universe (fork that was sad and nice) and 2) when the poor sad Englishman from <em>The Ferryman<\/em> and the blonde lady turned out not to baddies wanting to out our hero (lol hero), they just wanted to talk about how they were the only people who remembered and thank him for bringing the music they loved back into their lives. HE BROUGHT MUSIC BACK INTO THE HOUSE. That was a really nice thought. &nbsp;So two very enthusiastic thumbs-up if you are on a long-haul flight. &nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><\/p>\n\n\n<p>ALRIGHT THAT&#8217;S IT YOU MADE IT TO THE END! Agree\/disagree? What movies did I miss? Let me know your thoughts (the relevant ones).<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>It\u2019s time for our favorite annual tradition! The Oscars are Sunday, and so it\u2019s time (really waited till the last minute this year) to talk about [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":11326,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[147],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-11325","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-entertainment"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v22.7 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>All (Most) of the Important Movies to Know Before the Academy Awards - Laughfrodisiac<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/laughfrodisiac.com\/2020\/02\/07\/all-most-of-the-important-movies-to-know-before-the-academy-awards\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"All (Most) of the Important Movies to Know Before the Academy Awards - Laughfrodisiac\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"It\u2019s time for our favorite annual tradition! 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