Travel Adventure Announcement! I Go To Old Country…a lot of them

Recently* we took a gigantic trip to Australia, which is hella far away, and we faced the exciting decision of where to plan the layover between all the super long flights. To help with the expected debilitating jet-lag that comes with flying around the world all the way to the far end, we planned to spend a few days in our layover destination, so we wanted somewhere new and exciting (sorry Qatar) and somewhere we could easily enjoy with only 2-3 days without wanting to bag Aussieland and stay there forever (sorry Bangkok (we wuv u)). Out of all the options, Singapore easily won. All the interesting history, all the super rich people, all that amazing food, all that CLEANLINESS? Easiest decision ever! We were ready to be:

Singapore is a unique lil babe, known for its strict rules, diverse population, and incredible food. It can seem a little daunting if you only know it for headlines like “CHILD EXECUTED FOR SPITTING”, but as a tourist, it seems pretty nice. Yes the government needs to CHILL on a lot of things, and it’s not exactly a prime example of democracy, but that’s an issue for a different conversation (also I wanna go back so shhh). Its populace is a mix of mainly Chinese, Malay, and Indians, plus expats and workers from all over the world, making it culturally and gastronomically fascinating. Because of this diverse population, there are four official languages: Malaysian, Mandarin Chinese (which I took an intro class in last week and the Chinese professor said I had a knack for it and thought maybe I studied it before which readers and I surely find HILARIOUS considering my history with trying to speak in China), Tamil, and English.

Obviously we are happy for that last one given our mmm not so successful history with the Chinese yazik, but it’s the result of colonialism. Singapore was founded in 1819 as a British trading post by Sir Stamford Raffles. Then this poor lil bab was treated like a ping pong ball once the British East India Company collapsed: it was ceded to the British Raj (the British rule in India) and then occupied by Japan and then became part of Malaysia and then said peace to Malaysia and only became sovereign in 1965! I bet you have jeans you haven’t washed for longer than Singapore has been independent and that’s gross. Despite its age, Singapore has become a global economic leader (and a tax haven), as well as a leader in education, technology, innovation, safety, lack of gum, and throwing lavish parties for super rich people and hiring synchronized swimming teams to perform in rooftop pools even though literally no one is watching.

But first, let’s get there. To get over as much of the jet-lag as we could before continuing onto Oz (does anyone actually call it that, is this okay), we planned a solid three days in Singapore, which is both the country name and the city name, it’s a lil baby city-state, like rull small but it makes up for its size in per capita wealth (gross) and amazing food (amazing). Our flights from London took us through Dubai, which has the WORST airport for a fast transfer because you cannot find water or regular snacks, like sure there are luxury cars and jewelry for sale but what normal traveler actually needs that when you are going from one long flight to another in less than an hour? More like Du BYE BOY. Also, I find it super hilarious that the flight to Dubai is about 7 hours and then the flight to Singapore is another 7 hours! Shit’s far!

At first, I thought the coolest thing about this itinerary was that we’d have to fly Emirates, which I’d never flown but always wanted to because Bryan Safi always raved about how fancy it was on the “Throwing Shade” podcast and I guess because of JAniston’s commercials for them (though they always made me a little mad, like why is she doing airplane commercials (and ads for Aveeno and water?) after making a million $ per episode?? did she blow all her dough on pilates (it IS expensive but dayum Jen)). Suffice it to say, nothing has ever been as disappointing as Emirates was. Okay maybe not nothing but everything about it was a letdown except the bathrooms, which were normal. The service (atrosh), the comfort, the everything, all totally meh or worse. Yes we were in the economy trough and I am sure the first class extravagance is what makes it famous, but for regular people, Emirates is some overblown b.s.

When we finally got to Singapore, the smallest, coolest dot at the tip of Malaysia, the airport was so adorable it almost cured all my travel woes. Like most of Singapore, the airport was decked out for the Chinese New Year – and it was going to be the Year of the Dog. Can you imagine how happy I was after so much plane time to see these giant babies upon landing?

Because we are Serious Travelers, we took the time in our exhausted stupor to figure out the metro system to get into the city. It was frustrating – we had to go up and down many flights of stairs to get to the right ticket booth (it was early, things were closed) and then back up and down to go to the platform, but we did it. It was fine. People were looking at us, but we’re used to that. It was about a 15 minute walk from the metro station to our hotel, and once we came up from underground in the city we were greeted with some real heat. Coming from London in winter, the Singapore heat was perfection (almost making up for the inability to bring into the country what Chandler and I also consider perfection: gum (though of course I snuck a few pieces into my toiletries because I like to live dangerously) (but truth is officials don’t care as long as it’s a small amount for personal use)). We stayed at the Park Regis Hotel because it was nice, had a pool, and we could pay entirely with otherwise-worthless-for-Londoners Avios points. Unfortunately, we arrived at 9am and the room wasn’t ready until 3pm (!!), but we had access to the pool and the pool showers (and the wifi while we planned our day). Not a bad deal. It was a small pool, and it was so early that it was kind of chilly and windy by the water (and in the shade), but still, I can’t really complain about outdoor swimming in February (although yes I did just try to).

Once we were ready, we had a lot to see. As I said, we had just about three days to see Singapore, and for the cursory overview we were doing, it was the perfect amount of time. It’s a great place for a short trip as well as for multiple visits; I for one cannot wait to go back – but that’s mostly for the food, which will be a separate post (there’s a whole lot to cover).

A great introduction to Singapore is to do the river walk (the river is called the Singapore River, which is easy I guess but boring), winding through the various quays and into the well-known sights of Marina Bay. We began our meandering tour at Clarke Quay, which was close to our hotel and, more importantly, full of great food. It’s always nice to walk along the water and gaze upon the fancy hotels (so many), the grand museums (which, strangely, never came up in any of the Singapore recommendations we researched, leading us to uncharacteristically just skip museums), and the perfect blue skies.

The River Walk will bring you to Raffles Place, which good old Stammy Rafs established in the 1820s as the main mercantile district, called Commercial Square originally but renamed for Stams in 1858. Raffles Place became a popular shopping district as well as a commercial and financial center for the region. For at least a century, this was also where migrants established themselves. Many South Indian traders and bankers set up shop in this area. It was also home to Singapore’s only underground mosque, established in the 1950s so the many Muslims working in the area could pray, and now still underground in the basement of the UOB Plaza.

You’d think Raffles Place would be near the Raffles Hotel, or at least I thought that, but the famous hotel is north of the river in not the most convenient location. We visited the famous Raffles Hotel because that’s where you are supposed to get the Singapore Sling, the gin-based drink that the Raffles Hotel bartender invented there in 1915. It’s just the thing to do, to get one from where it was first made. Hilariously, it’s said that the bartender, Ngiam Tong Boon, created the drink so that all the fancy ladies could drink alcohol in public, so I guess it was like the early cosmo? appletini? only far garls! Unfortunately, we were greeted with this:

Raffles Hotel was closed! And FYI, it is still undergoing this extensive refurbishment and is not due to open until August! The original Long Bar was closed, with only a gift shop open where you could buy a book about the hotel and a kit for making your own? I mean not that I actually wanted the Sling anyway but it was a downer for the husbo to not get to do the done thing. Fie, Raffles.

Oh well, back to the water, which I will always prefer over alcohol. The river walk takes you past the iconic (their word but true) Fullerton Hotel (which seems like it should be extraordinarily expensive considering the location and the name recognish but I just checked and it’s like a decidedly decent value for how nice it is given the average hotel price in Singapore?? next time babies), which once upon a time was the General Post Office Building (noice) and was built literally just for centennial celebrations? (extra noice), and past all the banks’ skyscrapers and down into what you’ve been waiting to see – the Marina Bay, home of, well all the famous things but especially that iconic (my/everyone’s word) triumvirate of Singapore’s skyline, the Marina Bay Sands.

Oh let’s zoom out a little and let y’all see what it really looks like.

So many people! It’s just like China (but so much cleaner!). Even though this is a hotel (and a casino now), the Marina Bay Sands to me really is the quintessential image for Singapore. I mean that’s where Race Across the World had its big finish; you can’t argue with that! And you definitely can’t argue with the greatest movie ever made, Crazy Rich Asians, which also features the MBS prominently and has the aforementioned RIDONK synchronized swimming performance on that incredible/terrifying roof. SO FUN.

While I think of this as the unofficial symbol of Singapore (I mean given the financial sitch there it kind of makes sense that the symbol would be a super fance hotel), the official symbol – I’m sorry, ‘mascot’ – of Singapore is even better. It’s a MERLION. Perched right on the east side of the bay at the Downtown Core bit of the city, the merlion statue is a mythical creature (duh) with the head of a lion and the body of a fish. It’s used to represent Singapore and Singaporeans in tourism, branding, sporting events, everything. And it’s awesome, because hello, the national thang is a merlion? Only Scotland and its unicorn tops that!

Of course, continuing the trend that the Raffles Hotel started, the Merlion was UNDER CONSTRUCTION during our visit. This is like how people coming this year to London feel when they see Big Ben all covered up, except 1000x worse because Big Ben is just a dumb clock and this is a MERLION.

The city set up a smaller copy nearby so that tourists could still get their picture with the merlion, but it’s small and fake so it’s nice but also kind of a kick in the pants.

So, disappointing, but it’s hard to stay mad when you’re in this fabo city. I mean, look at how great the sign behind Faker Merlion is:

I also really enjoyed this sign on Cavenagh Bridge, even though I don’t really enjoy the feeling that a ‘u’ is missing from that name:

Behind the Marina Bay Sands is one of my favorite things about Singapore, the Gardens by the Bay. I love an immaculate man-made super weird yet pretty garden-park, what can I say. The GbtB is 101 hectares of land right smack in the middle of the city, with beautiful flower gardens and interesting conservatories. Kind of like a Kew Gardens if the creators of it had their Pimms before instead of after. It’s free to walk through a lot of it, and costs $28 (Singapore dollars) to go into the conservatories, like the Flower Dome and the Cloud Forest.

I love it!

Another day, we went into the Little India neighborhood, called Tekka in the Singapore Indian community. Contrasted with our experience of the downtown areas, the Indian neighborhood felt much more like a real city with real people living there, and not just working/visiting. Under the original Raffles plan for Singapore, ethnic Indians had to live in the Chulia Kampong region because Brits loved them some ethnic segregation/racism/being shit. That area became too crowded, and many Indians brought the overflow to what’s now this vibrant area. It may have developed around a former settlement for Indian convicts, but now it’s home to all kinds of people and businesses, as well as places of worship for several different religions.

It was hard to take pictures amid all the traffic but it was a really nice area to see. You don’t want to just stay in the shiny downtown.

When in Singapore, you’ll inevitably spend a lot of time in Chinatown, a hub of activity at all times but even moreso during Chinese New Year! We were fortunate to be there at this time of year (and it was the Year of the Cute Wittle Doggo Such a Good Boy) and Chinatown was CELEBRATING! It was so fun to see all the excitement and the random dance parties and all the decoration.

Chinatown is home to the Sri Mariamman Temple, the oldest Hindu temple in Singapore. Early in Singapore’s history, the temple gave refuge to Indian immigrants, and the temple had the only priests with the authority to perform Hindu marriages. If you won’t be in town for Chinese New Year, try to come in the fall, when the temple holds its super famous fire-walking ceremonies, where devotees walk on hot coals as a test of their devotion/skin burning point.

I didn’t get a great picture of the temple because of ALL OF THE PEOPLE but you can sort of make out how crazy cool the decor is, with the facade pretty much covered in statues and figures of gods and stuff.

Running through the heart of Chinatown is Smith Street, which we learned a forking harrowing lesson about thanks to some helpful/horrifying street signs. I love street signs giving information but dayum. So Smith Street, at the turn of the 20th century, was lined with brothels, like lots of them. The number of male immigrants far exceeded the number of female so brothels did a booming trade, but the prostitutes were subjected to a horrible life (#legalize) with no legal recourse when clients would almost certainly beat them, stiff them, and/or murder them. This unassuming street sign told us how men would usually just murder the women (prostitute and/or brothel owner) instead of paying. Since this was a living hell, many prostitutes killed themselves by jumping off buildings or overdosing on opium. COOL FACTS GUYS. now we all know.

Alright to cleanse the palate from that I’m going to share one food-ish picture, of my favorite thing, to remind us all that Singapore is full of wonderful things, not least of which is bubble tea!

Some of you know how I feel about bubble tea, and Singapore did not let me down. It was, rightly so, everywhere.

Funnily enough, even though we really enjoyed Singapore, the most memorable experience was waking up super early one morning to go to an Australian bar to watch the Super Bowl. I know, you’re like…wat? But the Philadelphia Eagles were playing (hence the * in the opening sentence when I said ‘recently’ but hey time is relative life moves at you fast &c) and that’s MY JAWN, B! This was the first time I watched the entire thing all the way through, and it was well rewarded with the Eagles winning! We made lots of friends that morning, with the bar entirely filled with American expats and tourists, just a hilarious experience.

It was pretty special to share such a random experience in SINGAPORE with a bunch of people from Pennsylvania (and a bunch of New Englanders too who got shown what’s what). I don’t really care about football and the NFL is MONSTERS but I’m still allowed to celebrate Philly mmker? Here’s a picture of my dog celebrating the Eagles’ win AND the Year of the Dog so you can’t complain.

We really enjoyed Singapore, even though we didn’t live it up like the craziest and richest of Asians but more like the normallest of travelers. There’s so much great stuff left to talk about next time – the food.