Eating Vegan in St. Petersburg: So Much More than Buckwheat and Picklesby Randi / June 21, 2017
There’s so much more to talk about from St. Petersburg! Russia fun is only just beginning! We had a jam-packed less-than-a-week in the ‘bourg, seeing everything on our must list and most of the stuff on our maybe list. We really enjoyed our time and would happily return one day, maybe for a more leisurely visit, maybe to do all the clubbing we missed out on (“well I wouldn’t say I’ve been *missing* it”). I covered all the main highlights in the previous post, but there’s still so much cool stuff we saw. I want to share the last of the museuming we did in Peterbourg, a few random things worth commenting on (at least from my perspective), and our day at the Russian version of Versailles.
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Like this random street market that was decorated with umbrellas when we were scrambling trying to find umbrellas for sale. No one could reach these to sell to us. So cruel, decorative umbrellas in the rain! This market had a burrito truck, a Dippin’ Dots stand (for real!), and then about 48 matryoshka and wooden whittled goods stands.
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I know I’m a nutter but one of my favorite things was this ambulance. The word on the back is pronounced ‘reanimatsia” – like reanimator. I was cracking up. So morbid!
How do they not have a series of action movies called the Reanimator?
There are statues everywhere, and not just of past rules but of famous writers too. Here is Pushkin all like ‘hey I don’t really know what’s over there but there’s a bird on my head’.
THAT BIRD IS A LIAR
And here’s Gogol being like ‘I’m so morose but in a high fashion way not a depressed way look how fashionable my downward gaze is maybe I should model instead of write.’ First name Hansel.
Gogol. So hot right now.
So St. Petersburg has the deepest subway tunnels I’ve ever seen. Are they the deepest in the entire world? I would bet on it. OK I just looked it up and they have the second deepest in the world and some of the longest escalators. Seriously, on the way to the metro we would be standing on that escalator for like a full four minutes! That’s INSANE! And I thought the tube had some deep lines! I usually run down the escalators in the tube but hell if I was going to even walk slowly down this one when I couldn’t even see the bottom for 3 minutes! It was kind of scary. The metro was pretty easy to use though with really user-friendly token machines. You just put money in and for every 45p (the cost of a one way token) it counts, it spits out a token. So easy, no screens or language barriers or anything.
longest escalators in the world!
Okay so every statue we saw of Peter the Great (and there are a lot) gives him a tiny Beetlejuice style head! What is up with that? Did he have a tiny head? Because he was really quite tall, right? Poor tiny headed tall man
Okay that’s enough Rand(i)om Thoughts, let’s get back to touristing! One rainy morning (cough every morning so far cough), we walked for a while across the Neva to see the original cabin of Peter the Great when he first found the land and was like hey I wanna live here and name it after me! His little cabin was so cute! It was built in 1703 and he liked for it a little but then he was like nah boys let’s make a huge city and have my palaces be approximately 1 billion times bigger than this one room schoolhouse. The cabin was closed the day we went up but I don’t think it’s necessary to go in anyway. Cool to see, cool to see.
Pretty fancy for a log cabin. Ron Swanson would not approve.
When we were up by the cabin, we decided to check out the cruiser Aurora, which served in the Russo-Japanese war in the early 1900s and now serves as a museum. On a ship! Of course, as we’ve come to learn is super common in Russia, the cruiser was closed the day we went, even though the info we had in advance said it was closed a different day. Oh boy, things are always closed on random days. (Wait till you see what we’ve had to deal with in Moscow! Soon.) At least we got to take a picture of it.
Museo warship!
St. Petersburg has some beautiful green space, such as the big central park called the Field of Mars. This park has beautiful gardens and trees, as well as the Eternal Flame, which was lit on November 6, 1957. Ten years later, it was delivered to Moscow’s Kremlin for a similar site near the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier there – which you will see in the next post!
IS THIS BURRRRRNING AN ETERNALLLL FLAAAAAAME
Our last museum of St. Petersburg came at the suggestion of friend-of-the-show Liz, who said the Ethnographic Museum was not to be missed. It was a really surprisingly extensive museum. At first the building looks like it has maybe one room but then it goes on literally FOREVER. We were there for 2 hours before I conked out and had to stop museuming. Two hours is really my limit for museuming, especially when we are going to like at least one a day, which is a shame because it really was a very interesting museum. There were tons of dioramas of dress and housing and other aspects of life and culture from literally every ethnic group in the entire region of Central Asia. And best of all, it was the first (and only) exhibit of Jewish stuff we’ve found so far, which made me haps.
yay jews
#4 that Frasier tho |
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my real favorite part of the Ethnographic Museum – a wee wittle baby woolly mammoth!
The greatest thing we did later in our visit, though, was a day trip to Peterhof, like the Versailles of Russia. Peter the Great ordered it to be built in the early 1700s, probably so he could summer there when the Winter Palace/Hermitage just wouldn’t do. Like Versailles, it’s very much a good weather destination, with the outside grounds of endless gorgeous gardens and impressive fountains the real draw. So we were nervous about going when the forecast for our last day, the only day we could go, was rain rain rain. Luckily, our hostel receptionist Anastacia (the nicest person we’ve come across like ever) said it was better to see it in the rain than not at all, because we went, and the sun came out the entire time we were on the grounds. It rained on our journey there and back, but we super lucked out once there. Amazing!
To get to Peterhof from the city, we walked about 30 minutes (literally everywhere we went was always a 30 minute walk, it was like some kind of weird wizard universe) to a certain metro line, took the metro to a bus stop about 10 stops away, and then took a minibus – really a 15 person van, so weird – that went to Peterhof. The minibuses/vans were indeed legitimate, with numbers of their routes on the windows and full of locals getting off along the route – but it just seemed so fake. But it was fine, and got us there in less than an hour. Once there, we spent about 4 hours at the site. It was so beautiful! The fountains were ridiculous, as were the gardens. The interior of the palace, the fancy af rooms, required a separate ticket, which we didn’t know until we tried to go in. The line to get interior tickets (at the actual palace, not the outside ticket office) was suuuper long, and then once you had those tickets you had to queue in another super long line to get inside. So annoying! The rooms are gorgeous though. No pictures allowed, so you’ll have to go yourself. But I’ll share tons of pictures from the lovely grounds! They went on forever, and even though the site was packed, there was so much of it that you could walk a mile all alone like you were in a forest. Such a great respite.
pretty cool
Peterhof was built right on the water, so after you walk through the acres and acres of gardens you are in the sea amaaaz
a little aviary on the grounds
the pyramid fountain
SQUIRREL FRIEND
Chessboard cascade!
my favorite little house on the grounds! like 1/1000th of the main palace but it’s my fave. These bridges split the water around it into four pools i would LOVE four pools
I definitely recommend spending a day at Peterhof as a break from the city. We loved it, though I must admit we still haven’t been to Versailles, so I can’t say whether you’d be similarly blown away by the beauty if you’ve been primed by Versailles. But I’m going to say that you would still enjoy it because come on so beautiful!
So St. Petey’s was a great real first-stop on our adventure. It felt very comfortable, without any of the culture shock that we are expecting to come at us in the (very!) near future. It is still very European, which explains that feeling. We would probably be happy to return one day, especially because there is still much to see. We really wanted to do a night boat tour, on many strong recommendations. See, at night, the bridges on all the canals lift up from about 1:45am to maybe just before 4am, so there are boat tours that go around the freed up canals and show off all the lights of the city. It’s supposed to be awesome, but there just wasn’t a night that we could dedicate to being up then because we had such full days planned, we couldn’t sacrifice a whole morning (as we would need to in order to recover from such a night!). So we’re sorry to have missed that, but we did so much sight-seeing that we are happy overall with our visit. And now we have a good reason to return! After Peterhof, we had a great final dinner at Ukrop (read about it here!) before getting on the midnight sleeper train to Moscow. Next post!
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Ulan-Ude, Russia: The Way Russian People Say “Alan Alda” (I’m Guessing) and More
We left Irkutsk after our time on Olkhon Island at about 9pm and got on a baby-sized sleeper train (we are such pros now!) – we literally got on about 9pm ish on Thursday, went to sleep (I mean pretended to), and disembarked at 6:30am. I didn’t even have time to write a diary entry! Just waited to take my contacts out (using bottled water of course; I like having the gift of sight too much to use train juice) before getting maybe an hour of sleep. Our roommates were two Chinese women (female roommates are so much better…and rarer) who didn’t speak any other language, so Z showed off with the two phrases he learned in Mandarin to prepare for this trip – “Do you speak English?” and “I speak a little Chinese.” It was so funny and they loved it. I didn’t love that the window in this cabin didn’t even open. Remember when I complained about old Russian lady closing the window? THIS ONE DIDN’T EVEN PHYSICALLY OPEN. ughhhh it was so gross and stuffy. Thank god it was short. At 6am, the attendants shouted for everyone to wake up – we were almost at Ulan-Ude, which is our last stop in Russia! Well, until we return from the southwest on our eastward Silk Road journey in September, but that’s years away and not part of our Trans-Siberian adventure! Trans-Mongolian, whatevs. So really, Ulan-Ude marked the end of this first part of our journey! Already! It’s going so fast. To mark this auspicious occasion, we surely would do something very special once we dropped our bags at the hotel.
And that was laundry. The most special thing we could possibly do! We found THE BEST, and I mean THE BEST, laundry babushka with the most perfect little laundromat WITH DRYERS. It was a few dollars and we gave her literally every piece of clothing we owned. It was all dirty. OH my god. And she handled it herself! We didn’t have to wait! She said when to come back (less than two hours!) and she was the best and it was so clean and so dry and smelled so good and I want to cry because we will never find a laundry babushka again. (In Mongolia now, had to do laundry last night. It’s still air-drying eye rolllll.)
kind of hard to find – it’s like hidden in a housing project – but worth itttt
Seriously, if you are ever in Ulan-Ude, this is the door you must find. Aside from seeing the giant Lenin head – which you can’t miss, it’s in the main square – this is my biggest recommendation. Finding the Laundry Babushka and just giving her a hug. And all your dirty clothes. The best thing we did maybe in all of Russia.
see you literally cannot miss the giant Lenin head no matter where you are in the city
Okay maybe you’re one of those weirdos who cares about other things to do in a Russian city in Siberia. Ulan-Ude, which I’ve seen both hyphenated and not and when given the choice to hyphenate something I’m gonna take it, is the capital city of the Republic of Buryatia in Russia. So Buryatia is a federal subject of Russia, like its own republic? but not? And in Siberia which is its own like region. It’s so confusing. Do I get to count Buryatia for the Century Club? Prob not. Buryatia has its own little president but the position is not called a president, it’s called a ‘head’ so I like to imagine that whenever he meets with Putin, Putin’s like “HEEEAD! MOOOOVE! NOWWW!” Putin to me sounds like Mike Myers’s Scottish accent. Buryatia’s main distinguishing feature is that the food is closer to Mongolian food, with lots of khuushuur (fried empanada looking things) (god they love their vowels in Mongolia) and buuzy (dumpings), both with meat. I already felt the increased difficulty of eating in Mongolia by being here. But of course we found plenty, don’t worry. Buryats were traditionally into shamanism, which is the deification of nature and spirits and magic and stuff and not, as I would have guessed, the deification of the composer of “Hairspray” and “Smash” songs.
random big gate says “Oscar” <3
After we landed at 6:30am, we walked to our hotel, the Buryatia Hotel, which was a little Soviet-era feeling but was very comfortable. They had water coolers on every floor AND a gym. (Granted the gym was pretty much just a treadmill I had to plug in and boot up myself, a squat rack with no barbell, AND A MASSAGE CHAIR, like full-on Sharper Image style, which is so ridiculous but ya know I think I can get behind that. Regardless, yay a gym!) Thank the Buryat shaman water sprite that our room was ready despite it being like 6 hours before check in. We showered (yesss post-train shower is the best) and then took the best nap ever, waking up at a normal human time to start our day. We found a quick bite, and then we tried navigating the completely ridiculous minibus situation so we could go to Ivolginsky Datsan, a Tibetan Buddhist monastery outside the city (about an hour’s journey).
The Datsan was built in 1945 with permission from Stalin to thank the Buryat people for help during WWII. It’s still active with lamas (not llamas) joining each year. It’s a beautiful space, and it actually made me feel quite calm being here. To visit, you walk around the complex clockwise, and you walk around each object or statue or temple clockwise, and you spin the wheels of veneration and stuff that’s all over the place as you walk clockwise. We started by entering the gate and turning right and we got yelled at. Counterclockwise bad for Buddha!
There are a good number of temples and statues and spinny wheels and stuff to see, but the main point of the visit is the Temple of Hambo Lama Itigilov. Okay so remember when we saw Lenin’s embalmed body in Moscow? More of that shiiiittttt! So in 1927, right before he died, Itigilov (who was the 12th Khambo Lama like I know what that means) was like, “hey, I’m gonna die soon – I know this because I’m a Buddhist – and I want to be buried in the position I die in, but just for 30 years, and then I want you to dig me back up…and then it’s your call what to do with me, I guess, because that’s as far as my decree goes.” So he died in lotus position (I mean, no he didn’t) and was buried, and then 30 years later monks dug him up and MIRACLE, his body was preserved! (Sure it was guys.) I guess they reburied him because they were like okay cool he still looks good for his age, but like I don’t want him in my house, but then in 2002 he was exhumed again, and MIRACLE! he was still looking fresh! (Sure!) So his corpse is a sacred object of Buddhism. Oh what does all this have to do with my visit to the Datsan? HIS CORPSE IS IN THE TEMPLE. JUST PLAIN SITTING IN THE MIDDLE. Obviously the body was embalmed with like all of Siberia’s embalming fluid, and not only that, but his head is made of papier-mache. I am curious about where the real head went?? Anyway, so we entered this temple behind a long line of fervent Buddhists bowing and scraping all over the place, and had no idea what we were about to see. No pics, of course.
The rest of the place was pretty nice. Getting there and back was a bit ridiculous, though. We caught a minibus from outside the cathedral square here, and it dropped us about 40 minutes outside the city. The driver just pointed to a corner to stand on and catch the next one that goes directly to the Datsan. It doesn’t have a number or anything; you just have to trust. Luckily it did go there, and everyone out in this land is going to the Datsan too, so it’s not that bad. But, as always, they are overstuffed and even in little vans it was standing room only. It’s definitely worth a trip out there though. It’s the best thing to see in Ulan-Ude.
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So there’s this one area of the temple complex that was amazing. There was a line of people waiting their turn (first time I’ve seen queuing in weeks!) to walk a set distance from a mark to a big stone – with their eyes closed. Their friends are allowed to shout out directions, I guess, Price is Right style, but you’re supposed to try to walk to the stone with your eyes closed – letting the spirits guide you, I guess – and then you get to make a wish. Then you walk around the stone three times and then touch it again. I don’t know. Obviously we tried to! It’s scary walking on rocky paths with your eyes closed!
making wishes
The next day, we were planning to go on another trip outside the city limits to see the Open-Air Ethnographic Museum. Unfortunately, we didn’t have the time – the company that booked our train tickets had our departure train time wrong in our itinerary. We though we had till 8:45pm but we were leaving at 3:45pm! Definitely not enough time for an excursion! (Fortunately, we realized their mistake before too late, no thanks to Real Russia.) Instead, we stayed in the city and visited the Buryat History Museum. It was a pretty decent collection of Tibetan Buddhist items and shamanist objects. The history of Buryatia is also covered. I get bored easily in museums but this was ok. Bathrooms were awful though.
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lil Budd |
wut
The last touristy thing we did was, of course, seeing the giant Lenin head in the main square. It’s the biggest Lenin head in the world. No kidding!
We had a few nice meals in Ulan-Ude. My favorite was a place called Marco Polo that wasn’t even on HappyCow but was super vegetarian friendly! They had vegetarian borscht (yay!) and a delicious carrot-beet-pine-nut salad. We also got a plate of stir-fried vegetables. I need to eat veggies when I can! I really loved this food. Simple but delicious.
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We also had a nice meal at the very famous Modern Nomads, which seems to run most of this part of the world! (There’s a whole street in Ulaan Baatar with like, 7 of their restaurants). I had a great veggie dumpling plate and a big green salad. Perfect!
We also found a good supermarket called Sputnik that had some amazing vegan finds! I got this oat-based yogurt drink, a superfood oatmeal cup that will be perfect on the next train, and a bunch of crackers. And of course fruit!
grocery hauls keep happening but room in our bags keeps being nonexistent
So that’s what we did in our last stop in Russia! It was an okay city, nothing special. A good rest, a few good meals, some nice sights, and a great load of laundry. On to Mongolia!
Trump Hates It? It Must be Awesome! We Return to Baltimore!
Are you curious about what ‘living in hell’ is like? It’s pretty nice (and vegan-friendly)!
Recently, Cheeto Mussolini talked smack on one of America’s great cities, and it was embarrassing. For him, of course, because he was wrong (he did open his mouth). Since I have the best readers (‘I use the best words’), I know you agree that if the screaming carrot demon hates something, it’s probably awesome, and this is definitely true for Baltimore, Maryland. Sure it has problems – as most big cities do – but unlike the assclown who has the power (all the power in the world) to fix them, we aren’t going to complain about them and not talk about all the great things Baltimore has going on right now.
benches don’t lie mufucka
Balmore, as they say, is a vibrant, dynamic city with so much more to offer than crime and homelessness and a drug problem (helloo did I say every city because that’s every city). The diverse (in both senses of the word) areas of the city are full of young hipsters living in cool neighborhoods, tourists coming to see one of the first colonies, students attending one of the great schools, and established locals who will defend their city to any orange buffoon who dares, dares, disparage it. Recently, we were members of the second group visiting members of the first and third (and, by default, fourth) groups. We found a Baltimore more progressive and even more fun than our last visit 3 years ago. It was a short trip, but we managed to see and do (and eat) enough to recommend a visit to anyone, except assclowns.
Shall we start with food or activities?? Food or activities. I’m going to flip a coin aaaaaand it’s activities.
Great decision making!
DO
We’ll save my favorite new Baltimore/anywhere activity for last because it’s AMAZING and there’s no way silly museums could compete with it if I share that first. You know I complain about museums a lot (we go to so many museums! they take so long!) but I’m mostly just joking since they are a must-see pretty much everywhere. This trip, we returned to The Walters Art Museum, a free (!) museum in the Mount Vernon-Belvedere neighborhood, housing mid-19th century collections amassed by the Walters family. William Thompson Walters began collecting art when he moved to Paris to flee the beginning American Civil War because he was a Confederate sympathizer and I guess he was at least smart enough to know he should get his ass out of there but also fork that guy. His son later refined his jackwagon father’s collection and made the plans for establishing a way to publicly house it; no word on whether he also was an ignorant racist.
It’s a great museum with lots to see and learn, but that’s for you to discover on your own because as usual, my job here is to share the pictures of hilariously weird things, and dogs. Here are all the dogs in the museum.
This is honestly one of my favorite museum activites. Half the pictures on my phone are paintings with dogs in them from museums all over the world. Anyway now we move on to another favorite activity: sharing all the hilarious and weird shit.
Okay that’s probably enough of that. The Walters is definitely worth a visit when you are next in Baltimore and not just for the dog paintings.
The museum is on the very hip very cool N. Charles Street, about a ten minute walk from husbo’s favorite pub, The Brewer’s Art. Last time we were in Baltimore, we could only have their incredible rosemary fries, but when we stopped in this time, we discovered they had Beyond Meat burgers AND sausages on the menu! I mean! What! (This doesn’t count as prematurely talking about food because we didn’t actually eat there.) So definitely check it out after the museum. The museum is also only a five minute walk from husbo’s favorite restaurant in Baltimore, The Helmand, an Afghani restaurant that is excellent, so that’s also an option. Do one before and one after!
I’m not a huge fan of cemeteries, but your next activity is a quick lil trip to one. Honestly, it doesn’t even really count as a cemetery, just a little tiny garden-looking jawn with some graves. Okay it’s a small cemetery. But it’s a special one!
It’s Edgar Allan Poe’s! Okay it’s not all exclamatey I mean he did die at 40 (in Baltimore, where he spent a good portion of his life). Poe’s grave site is on Fayette Street, at the Westminster Hall and Burying Ground, not too far from the Edgar Allan Poe House and Museum, which makes a lot of sense. If you are a Poefiend you should check all of that out but we were in the game for just a quick stroll by the grave. It’s in a very blink-and-you’ll-walk-right-by-it quiet little secluded corner of green, gated but open to the public.
In true Poe fashion, he was originally buried in an unmarked grave. Eventually a man named George Spence added a sandstone block on the site but still, no name and lots of weeds. Reports of this odd grave for such an important figure circulated and eventually reached Poe’s mother-in-law, who wrote some harsh but polite words (probably) to the cousin in charge of fixing this whole situation. Neilson Poe, the two-last-names cuz, ordered a legit marble headstone, but then in true Poe fashion, a train ran off its tracks and destroyed the headstone. After a few years, various benefactors, friends, and students raised enough money for another headstone. The monument was dedicated in 1875, 26 years after Poe’s death. Cremation is a lot easier, I’m just saying.
There are other people buried here, including members of his family and notable historical figures.
Our next activity is a jaunt to Fort McHenry, which I didn’t actually visit but husbo did (I was busy). He’s here to tell you all about it:
Ha I’m just joking it’s still me. Fort McHenry is an important American, well, fort. Or ‘coastal bastion’ as the wikipeeds says. Located in the Locust Point neighborhood, the fort was important during the War of 1812 (not to be confused with the Great Comet of that same year, wow what a year am I right), when it successfully defended Balmore from those DAMNED BRITISH whose navy was attacking from the Chesapeake Bay. It was also used during both World Wars. During the War of 1812, when the larger garrison flag was flown over the Fort, it signaled that the Americans had won the Battle of Baltimore. The sight of the flag waving here inspired Francis Scott Key to write the song that only 7% of performers at sporting events have sung well.
Husbo really enjoyed his visit to the Fort, save for the true ‘mercans wearing t-shirts that literally said AMERICA FUCK YEAH but you know you’re going to see them at military places. Admission is $15.
Our last activity recommendation this go-round is the best one. Like true gentrifying hipsters, we tried the latest and funniest hipster activity that has country folk saying, um, what?
We went axe throwing! IT WAS AMAZING.
Urban Axes on North Haven Street is the shiiiit. Sure there’s a bar with craft beer and wines, which doesn’t seem like the smaaartest match-up. But the axe-throwing is fun enough to keep people engaged and away from the bar for too long. You generally have to book in advance (they can allow walk-ins if it’s not too busy, but don’t risk it) and you get 6 people per ‘arena’ (two targets) and per coach. We were told that since we had 4 people, 2 strangers (stranger danger!) could potentially be put in our lane, but that didn’t happen. (It was a weeknight.)
So you get a coach, an ‘axepert’, who stays with you the entire hour-long session and teaches you how to throw a g-d axe. Our coach was really great. She was so helpful in figuring out our best stances, whether we should go one-handed or two, and giving little tips to improve. I went in thinking it would be fun but that I would be terrible, but even as a first-timer I got a few bullseyes! We all did! IT WAS AWESOME!
It’s literally just a giant warehouse sort of room with plywood targets up. We said to each other, omg we should open one of these in London – the costs are SO low! You just need a bunch of axes and some boards! And then we took a beat and realized how much the liability insurance would be.
You can wear whatever you want, you just have to wear closed-toed shoes. It seems a little scary in theory, but we were reassured that people rarely get injured if they are following the rules. The most common injury people get is splinters from putting one hand against the board while they pull the axe out with the other. Silly people, don’t do that!
Man alive this was so much fun. Urban Axes has locations all over, including in Philly and Austin, so definitely check them out! It’s $38 per participant so it’s a little steep, but for a special occasion it’s pretty great.
EAT
Baltimore’s vegan scene, like that of so many big cities, is popping. We found such great finds over a few days. I mentioned The Helmand and The Brewer’s Art above and you should definitely have them on your list. Newbies this go round included Red Emma’s, Stall 11 at the very hip very popular R House market, and my new fave restaurant L’eau de Vie, which I wrote about already.
Before we get to those, let’s talk about a more famous Baltimore tourist destination in case you end up there. One night, the omnivores I was with wanted crabs, which, if you know your musical theatre, Baltimore is famous for (remember Velma Von Tussle was Miss Baltimore Crabs in her youth) (I just realized I haven’t been singing “Good Morning Baltimore” this entire time; am I okay?). We paid a visit to the harborside crab institution Bo Brooks, and if you likewise end up there as a vegan, there are a few options for you!
It’s nothing special, but sometimes all I want is a regular green salad and a regular bowl of bean soup, and Bo Brooks had both for me. In fact, there’s a whole ‘plant-based’ section, and while I hate the phrase, I loved the contents. My soup was a ‘Tuscan white bean’ soup and it was fine! Then I had Nelly’s Salad which was actually quite big and had avocado and avocado dressing. That’s all I really ask for! Bo Brooks also has the Beyond Burger so you should definitely get one of those if you aren’t looking to recreate your own little Olive Garden sitch (saltines were my breadsticks).
Okay, next up is one of our favorite places in Baltimore – Red Emma’s. Yes, it sounds a bit Commie, and yes, it’s for a reason. It’s a radical infoshop, bookstore, and vegan cafe run by a worker-owner collective and yes of course it’s named after anarchist Emma Goldman (which of course should make you think of not one but TWO MUSICALS! EG was important in both Assassins and Ragtime). Given the state of the world right now, we should all be a little (lot) more socialist! You’re not surprised, right, with all the time we spent in the former USSR? You had to expect it to rub off a little. (Or you know by being aware in this society.)
In addition to being like so woke, Red Emma’s has wonderful food. It was one of the hardest menus to order from because everything sounded incredible (and was vegan, as far as I could tell). We decided on the banh mi and the Reuben, with a side kale salad, totally on brand for us.
The Reuben might not look like much, but it was one of the best we’ve ever had. Husbo, an omnivore, sang its praises to such an extent that he actually said it was better than the Reuben at Rudy’s Dirty Vegan Diner in London, which is a huge thing since that one gets so much acclaim (but part of that is because it’s the only legit vegan Reuben in London (except the ones I make at home, obvs the best)). The banh mi was on the wrong bread (too big and too hard!) and needed more of a mayo-y sauce but it was still pretty good. The rest of the menu sounded so amazing, Red Emma’s will definitely be on our to-do list next time.
We also ventured downstairs to the bookshop, which is where we bought Ijeoma Oluo’s So You Want to Talk About Race. Highly recommended!! (And definitely try to buy it from a shop that is not Amazon! Fuck Bezos! Billionaires are inherently immoral!)
Up next is my faaaavorite place and another that’s definitely on my list for a return visit. Man I really need to make a return visit. That’s Stall 11 in the food-vendor market space called R House, which bills itself as an “industrial chic food hall”. Directly south of the Johns Hopkins campus, R House is SO trendy and cool, and Stall 11’s existence in there proves the point. Carving out its own adorable space in the market hall, Stall 11 looks like what By Chloe wanted to be. And the food achieves the same goal. It’s incredible (and better).
We had the loaded mac and cheese OF COURSE, which was fantastic, with a house-made vegan cheeze sauce, nut parm, and crispy cauliflower which was AMAZING.
We also tried the avocado BLT which was great, if completely falling apart on that too-small bread! And it came with great sweet potato fries.
Of course we also tried a salad, the Harvest salad with added tempeh. Everything was so delicious! Here’s a better picture of the salad so you can see all the goodies inside, like chickpeas and quinoa and sweet potatoes.
I love Stall 11 food so much. It’s like my perfect menu – huge loaded salads, great sandwiches, mac and cheeze. All my faves! To top it off, R House had self-serve water stations. I could cry! That’s all I ask for!
Well there’s one more thing I always ask for: ice cream. R House also has an outpost of Little Baby’s ice cream, which I know from Philly. The best thing about Little Baby’s, besides reliably having several vegan flavors, is that they sell ‘Baby’ scoops, one step below regular single scoops, for when you want to have just a little but are really full, like we were!
STAY
You’ll notice we don’t have hotel recommendations this time around because they’re all rat-infested we stayed with friends who are LIVING IN HELL no they absolutely love it. We were in the Canton neighborhood which is quite lovely and close enough to all the attractions by bus (we downloaded the CharmPass bus app, on which you buy tickets and then show your code to the driver, so easy!). The buses were fairly straightforward, although sometimes there was a really long wait. Tourists might want to stay in the thick of things by Harbor East or in Fells Point, which is the most happening for night life. We walked through Fells Point one busy Saturday night and felt very cool and then we kept on walking towards home where we played Settlers of Catan (I’m like a very cool person).
So it was a quick trip to Baltimore, but even with a few days we could see that it is far from the hellscape that assclown would tell you it is. Yeah we walked through some sketchy neighborhoods and you should be careful where you walk at night, and yes there are issues that need to be addressed. But that’s the same for Philly, for London, for really anywhere. Writing off an entire city because it has problems, instead of talking about how to address them, is some ignorant bullshirt. Visiting such a city and contributing to its economy may be a helpful move for us regular people, who don’t have the power to fix everything and yet fix nothing, to make. If you have the chance to visit Baltimore, you really should. And please tell me all the delicious (vegan) things you eat! And sing all the musical theatre songs that relate to your visit! (More about that on my instagram stories! Link at the top of the page.)
Don’t forget to read about L’Eau de Vie!
Want more Balmore? Read about our 2016 visit! (enjoy even worse pictures!)
