Glengarry Glen Ross on the West End: Salesmen Can Be Pathetic and Also Monstersby Randi / January 18, 2018
Dear little baby laptop diary,
The day has arrived! We are finally leaving Uzbekistan! Who would have thought we would be so happy to return to Russia? We feel a little bit like traitors to our country (obviously not as much as our government heyooo) but we really loved Russia and the thought of soon returning to a more modern place is exciting! But first we have to get through this train journey, crossing two borders. First we will go back through Kazakhstan, around the north part of the Caspian Sea (maybe we will see Ursula!), and then into Russia to Volgograd, formerly Stalingrad. They changed the name from honoring the scary man to honoring the river! I like! What I don’t like is that this will be our second longest train journey of the entire epic adventure, and I believe our third longest ever. Two nights and parts of three different days! Ahhh! Luckily we bought the entire 4-person cabin so we can relax without scary strangers.
The day has arrived! We are finally leaving Uzbekistan! Who would have thought we would be so happy to return to Russia? We feel a little bit like traitors to our country (obviously not as much as our government heyooo) but we really loved Russia and the thought of soon returning to a more modern place is exciting! But first we have to get through this train journey, crossing two borders. First we will go back through Kazakhstan, around the north part of the Caspian Sea (maybe we will see Ursula!), and then into Russia to Volgograd, formerly Stalingrad. They changed the name from honoring the scary man to honoring the river! I like! What I don’t like is that this will be our second longest train journey of the entire epic adventure, and I believe our third longest ever. Two nights and parts of three different days! Ahhh! Luckily we bought the entire 4-person cabin so we can relax without scary strangers.
Or so we thought.
We boarded the train and made our way to our cabin, holding our four tickets for beds #5, 6, 7 and 8. Remember in China how we often had to kick someone out when they were in the wrong place? Well, gird your loins, because not only did we have to kick someone out again, we had to kick FOUR someones out. People were laying on every single one of the beds in the cabin we booked out. Are you FLIPPING kidding me. We got the conductor and explained that they were in our beds. He appeared to be mute. He went into the next few cabins and started counting spare beds, looking for spots where we could go. Hell no! I yelled out to him in Russian explaining that we bought all four beds you fat dink! Ahhh such bullshit! Finally it clicked for him and the four people moved into the next cabins. Like FFS why would you not go to the places you had tickets for? Why are PEOPLE?! Did they not have tickets in the first place, maybe? Why is everything such bullshit?
So this was quite the start to the next three days. Man alive. The toilets were disgusting, as expected. I am so pumped to get to Europe, I really can’t wait. I am counting the minutes…which isn’t very efficient because there are too many minutes so I guess I am counting the days. We have three left. Sure the third day is just a baby sized bit of it but what if we experience delays?! I have to be ready for that. Oh my god please don’t let there be delays. Remember our 11-hour delay from Urumqi to Kashgar? No don’t think about that. Think happy thoughts! Everyone who voted for Brexit should be forced to ride Uzbek trains for weeks so they can experience the unmatched joy that the mere thought of being in Europe will bring. (But they should get stranded in Uzbekistan FOREVER. Europe was too good for you asshats? THEN YOU DON’T GET TO GO.)
I cannot wait to eat lunch at Fresh in Moscow again! Big fancy salads! My favorite!
The mute conductor keeps making funny faces at us, which I don’t really understand, maybe he is trying to apologize for the trouble with the four lunatics who don’t know how to use trains? No that can’t be it. Maybe he is making fun of us. Cool game bro.
The mute conductor keeps making funny faces at us, which I don’t really understand, maybe he is trying to apologize for the trouble with the four lunatics who don’t know how to use trains? No that can’t be it. Maybe he is making fun of us. Cool game bro.
That first night, we went through Uzbek exit customs at 1:20am, which lasted until 3:30am. I REALLY don’t understand the need to have such long exit customs. It’s so unnecessary. Just make sure none of the people are criminals you don’t want to lose track of and then let us gooooo. I had to pee so badly! Remember, they lock the toilets during stops. Hoo boy. We got to the Kazakhstan entry point at 5am, which was an hour early, which you think sounds great but that just means we stay stopped at customs longer. Longer without a toilet! The guards loved asking us questions about our lives, which is so fun to do when you haven’t slept or peed in so long. We left the border at about 7am, back in our old friend Kazakhstan, and after we moved a few feet Z said to me: “Guess what – we are out of Uzbekistan!” and we embraced and cried tears of joy like the diplomats at the fucking end of “Argo”.
At this point, we hadn’t really slept more than an hour so we slept till about 11am. Then we made ramen for lunch with our little emergency stash that we could finally burn through (back to civilization means back to guaranteed food for me!), adding braised canned tofu from the Marigold brand, which was actually really good! This was my favorite meal in days!
At this point, we hadn’t really slept more than an hour so we slept till about 11am. Then we made ramen for lunch with our little emergency stash that we could finally burn through (back to civilization means back to guaranteed food for me!), adding braised canned tofu from the Marigold brand, which was actually really good! This was my favorite meal in days!
name one person who takes better food pictures
There is this little girl next door who keeps coming in and staring at us. She isn’t responding to our Russian shouts of ‘go away’ and ‘leave us alone’ and ‘why are you the worst’ and it’s really annoying. I bet you think that sounds adorable but she is a monster who literally keeps opening our door and coming into the room! No! Devil child! Devil child! And a man on the other side of us sits right up against the doorway so his legs are in the narrow hallway. It’s like he saw the news about how manspreading is a problem in the west and he was like, I can do that and then some! He stares too.
Oh man I have such a headache and I’m so nauseous why! I hope it’s not from my bulk pretzels from Nukus. Pretzels would never betray me right? Even ones that are out in uncovered bulk bins?
Oh man I have such a headache and I’m so nauseous why! I hope it’s not from my bulk pretzels from Nukus. Pretzels would never betray me right? Even ones that are out in uncovered bulk bins?
Speaking of bulk bins! In our cabin, up top where you are supposed to be able to store your luggage, there were plastic…I don’t know, bed pans??? And lots of them! What the heck was this nonsense! I’ll admit, part of me liked having these buckets of unknown origin – they might come in handy during our super long border crossing stops.
Okay so the conductor omg we saw him talking to someone! He is not mute! He just refuses to talk to us! What the hell man! Now we don’t know if he’s just being rude to us or if he is just frugal with his words. This is so f-ing weird.
The next car over is the restaurant car, so I went to explore. It was dire. There’s no menu; I asked the cook what they had and she said plov. That’s it, just plov. The cast of characters sitting among the booths looks the same as in our sleeping car, down to the old man at the far end wearing a smelly white tank top and not much else.
After an afternoon of reading, we crossed the Ural River – meaning we were officially (maybe? how does it work?) back in Europe! For the first time in almost three months, since we left Yekaterinburg! Omg! We did a little dance.
When we stopped at Atyrau, Kazakstan, it was 35 degrees out! That’s in Celsius, which I still don’t know well enough, so that’s 95 in Fahrenheit. We were baking in the sun through the window, and no wind was coming through (more like a wind-no am I right). I like saying Atyrau.
To celebrate our imminent return to Russia, we made kasha with the boiling water from the samovar, to mix with the jar of tomato sauce with mushrooms and beans, the jar we had been carrying since, well, since Yekaterinburg actually! So we had this emergency food jar keeping us company/adding pounds to the bags for literally all of Asia! That’s ridiculous. It was really good too!
To celebrate our imminent return to Russia, we made kasha with the boiling water from the samovar, to mix with the jar of tomato sauce with mushrooms and beans, the jar we had been carrying since, well, since Yekaterinburg actually! So we had this emergency food jar keeping us company/adding pounds to the bags for literally all of Asia! That’s ridiculous. It was really good too!
of course we had tomato ‘salad’ too, of course
I’m so nervous for the 4 ½ hour exit customs stop from Kazakhstan. Four and a half. WHY. Someone explain to me why that is necessary.
Oh I know why! It’s because every single guard on duty wanted to come into our cabin and ask us about America!! Every single one, I’m not joking, came in, sat down, and asked us what state we were from. They didn’t believe me that I was from Pennsylvania, because they didn’t believe that Pennsylvania was a real word. One kept saying ‘No…Washington D.C. or New York??” and I was like listen Joe, there are more places in the USA than D.C. and NYC. And Joe (not his name) would look confused and then repeat “Washington D.C. or New York!” and I would say Pennsylvania! And he would be like ughhhh that’s not what I mean! I mean what state are you from! I eventually pointed to where it says Pennsylvania in my passport and he actually got angry.
We were done with the border business in less than an hour, so this is just incredibly stupid to be waiting here for three extra hours. The train men are sleeping in their cabin. After almost two hours of that 4 ½ hour stop, I couldn’t take it anymore and I asked mute/nonmute conductor to open the toilet. He laughed and said ‘not for four hours’ and I was like, listen this is not funny, you lied to us about not being able to speak, so unless you want to talk about how I’m going to pee on the floor, you will open this.” He opened it and said ‘bistro bistro!’ which means fast, and I realized that no one else had used the bathroom in almost 2 ½ hours! What are people!!
I listened to music for the next two hours, not able to concentrate on reading when my brain is so anxious, and then I couldn’t wait again and went to the toilet and praise jebus, it was still open from the last time! The guards are outside having conversations over the loudspeakers. At first we thought it was kind of funny and we were imitating what we thought they were saying in a most hilarious skit, but now it’s annoying because this is an insane waste of time.
We finally left, we finally entered Russia, and we finally got to sleep. The next morning, we landed in Volgograd. We said goodbye to the possibly funny, possibly really mean and rude non-mute conductor. We were super smelly, exhausted, hot, thirsty, and so excited to be reunited with the motherland. We have a lot of trains left but none would be quite like the central Asian horrors of the past few months, so this might be the last entry I need to write in the baby laptop diary. I hope you enjoyed our time together.
Oh I know why! It’s because every single guard on duty wanted to come into our cabin and ask us about America!! Every single one, I’m not joking, came in, sat down, and asked us what state we were from. They didn’t believe me that I was from Pennsylvania, because they didn’t believe that Pennsylvania was a real word. One kept saying ‘No…Washington D.C. or New York??” and I was like listen Joe, there are more places in the USA than D.C. and NYC. And Joe (not his name) would look confused and then repeat “Washington D.C. or New York!” and I would say Pennsylvania! And he would be like ughhhh that’s not what I mean! I mean what state are you from! I eventually pointed to where it says Pennsylvania in my passport and he actually got angry.
We were done with the border business in less than an hour, so this is just incredibly stupid to be waiting here for three extra hours. The train men are sleeping in their cabin. After almost two hours of that 4 ½ hour stop, I couldn’t take it anymore and I asked mute/nonmute conductor to open the toilet. He laughed and said ‘not for four hours’ and I was like, listen this is not funny, you lied to us about not being able to speak, so unless you want to talk about how I’m going to pee on the floor, you will open this.” He opened it and said ‘bistro bistro!’ which means fast, and I realized that no one else had used the bathroom in almost 2 ½ hours! What are people!!
I listened to music for the next two hours, not able to concentrate on reading when my brain is so anxious, and then I couldn’t wait again and went to the toilet and praise jebus, it was still open from the last time! The guards are outside having conversations over the loudspeakers. At first we thought it was kind of funny and we were imitating what we thought they were saying in a most hilarious skit, but now it’s annoying because this is an insane waste of time.
We finally left, we finally entered Russia, and we finally got to sleep. The next morning, we landed in Volgograd. We said goodbye to the possibly funny, possibly really mean and rude non-mute conductor. We were super smelly, exhausted, hot, thirsty, and so excited to be reunited with the motherland. We have a lot of trains left but none would be quite like the central Asian horrors of the past few months, so this might be the last entry I need to write in the baby laptop diary. I hope you enjoyed our time together.
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First Stop: Helsinki! A Stroll Around Town and A Lot of Sugar
I’m writing this from the train to St. Petersburg! Just like Anatole! Except he was probably writing love letters (written really by his sister ewwww) to married or betrothed women, his faaave. Okay that’s enough of The Great Comet (just kidding I already listened to the whole album once today and it’s like 11am). We just pulled out of Helsinki (so it won’t get preggggnannnnt) and there’s wifi on this business so here I am! We really didn’t have much time at all in Helsinki, Finland, but it was a charming place that had vegan milkshakes so I would happily return once we are in a position to think about future travel.
After not sleeping at all Thursday night (how could we with this super exciting adventure just hours away! also I was saving my Ativan for the trip), we “got up” in the 5 o’clock hour and left for Gatwick airport. At the Pret a Manger there, they had this new coconut milk-quinoa oat porridge that was very decent. Hooray for all these new vegan options at Pret. Now if they stop feeling the need to put red pepper in every single veg sandwich like the US dairy industry sticks whey powder in every commercial product we will be even better friends. We flew Norwegian, and despite its semblance of civilized behavior, I spent the 3 hour flight fighting a turf war with a giant man over the armrest. I will NOT BE MOVED. I will NEVER SURRENDER.
At customs, we met and became best friends with literally the nicest customs agents in the entire world. They were curious about our trip but not in a customs-agent way, they were just like aw have fun. What a great start. I dare Russia to top that with their agents. Ha. We took various trains and trams into the city center, which took about an hour and change. It’s kind of daunting to figure out what the right train is because the language is super confusing, but as usual in European countries, everyone speaks great English. We headed over to the Eurohostel on the little peninsula hanging off to the east of the city, where we dropped our bags in our literal college dorm room. Seriously, I think the producers at this here Truman Show just borrowed the set from the Penn State dorms and used my concrete wall-tile floor-two tiny twin beds- room with the separate men’s and women’s group bathrooms down the hall for this set as well.
Hey the border control guy just came around to check our passports and our visas! They worked, yayyy! I’m obsessed with how my name is spelled in cyrillic on the visa. Well not Randi because it just looks like pahdi, but Jill is hilariously complicated. Fun with languages!
So after we dropped our stuff in college, we walked around the city, which like I said is super charming. Like Sweden, it’s on little lakes and marinas and it was really nice to see water, especially because this trip is going to be super landlocked (look at that map!).
At customs, we met and became best friends with literally the nicest customs agents in the entire world. They were curious about our trip but not in a customs-agent way, they were just like aw have fun. What a great start. I dare Russia to top that with their agents. Ha. We took various trains and trams into the city center, which took about an hour and change. It’s kind of daunting to figure out what the right train is because the language is super confusing, but as usual in European countries, everyone speaks great English. We headed over to the Eurohostel on the little peninsula hanging off to the east of the city, where we dropped our bags in our literal college dorm room. Seriously, I think the producers at this here Truman Show just borrowed the set from the Penn State dorms and used my concrete wall-tile floor-two tiny twin beds- room with the separate men’s and women’s group bathrooms down the hall for this set as well.
Hey the border control guy just came around to check our passports and our visas! They worked, yayyy! I’m obsessed with how my name is spelled in cyrillic on the visa. Well not Randi because it just looks like pahdi, but Jill is hilariously complicated. Fun with languages!
So after we dropped our stuff in college, we walked around the city, which like I said is super charming. Like Sweden, it’s on little lakes and marinas and it was really nice to see water, especially because this trip is going to be super landlocked (look at that map!).
We strolled along the waterfront and the main bits of the city, passing the giant white Helsinki Cathedral on the way. But we were strolling with a mission – find food! At the top of my list was a little vegan-friendly cafe named Well, really close to the main train station which means we went all the way out and then all the way back but we really needed to drop our bags before dealing with food because we have reallllly heavy bags. I need my toiletries! Well, well, well, Well did not disappoint because despite the limited selection, they had vegan pastries, sandwiches, and – what I was after – a salad! It was full of literally all my favorite foods – lettuce, red cabbage, radicchio, CHICKPEAS, QUINOA, broccoli, AND tofu! It was like I kept uncovering layers of greatness. It was really huge too and I couldn’t finish it. Yay for all my fave healthy foods in one. Except kale but I’ve come to terms with the fact that my smoothie on Thursday was the last kale I will probably have until October. It’s okay!
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After healthy food came literally the only thing I had on my to-do list for Helsinki – vegan milkshakes! Kitty’s Milkshake Bar was a little hard to find because it’s actually inside a food hall, but thank goodness they were still open despite a lot of the market being shuttered already. So Kitty’s is a pure American-themed milkshake bar (I guess because milkshakes are American! USA! Your best export!), with actual license plates from all 50 states decorating the walls. It’s so fun. When we said we were from the States, the guy working got nervous because we would be the most knowledgeable critics. It was funny. He was super friendly and fun and made us laugh a lot, though I was already full of nervous laughter because I was SO EXCITED FOR A MILKSHAKE! In London, ‘milkshake’ means flavored milk, like as thin as regular milk, and it is the saddest thing probably ever. Even at the places now advertising American-style milkshakes in London, they are still thin as water. SHAME! SHAME! But the shakes at KItty’s, holy cow! They were properly thick and required the spoon end of the straw for a while! And yes, this place was so legit that they even had the 711 slurpie style straws with the spoon at one end. They only have three flavors – peanut butter, caramel & popcorn, and apple cinnamon. I was tempted to get all three but that’s ludicrous and Husband had just had ice cream beforehand, because his entire food list was just finding salamiaki ice cream, which is that gross Finnish salty black licorice (blech!) made into ice cream. He liked it but dayum. He also likes durian. So obviously we got the PB, my favorite thing ever, and I was tempted by the caramel but the guy recommended the apple cinnamon. I’m glad we listened because it was delicious! Not as spectacular as the peanut butter but that’s only because the peanut butter one had peanut butter in it. The guy gave me a punch card which is the saddest thing I’ve ever had to leave behind. Amazing food stop even though they were big and I of course felt super sick all night because it was like eating a gallon of ice cream. WORTH IT.
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Then, we met up with Cousin Adam and chatted for a while as it got colder out, but not darker, because this is the north and the sun never really sets! Seriously, even in the middle of the night, there was still a bit of sun you could see! So weird. Definitely bring an eye mask. Anyway, we walked around the town more, and saw that there’s nothing really to do in Helsinki for young people except smoke and drink. SO MUCH CIGARETTE SMOKE. We also noticed that there’s zero vaping, so coming from London where vaping is (thankfully) catching on, the widespread use of just cigarettes was extra revolting. But there’s no clubbing or anything really, no nightlife, with things closing around 7pm a lot of the time, so yoots just hang in the parks and smoke and drink and wear black and be yoots.
There was one place open late, Iggy’s Bar and Food Joint, which was on HappyCow. They have thin crust pizzas and a few, according to HappyCow, are vegan. On the chalk menu at the joint, a few did indeed have green V’s next to them so we ordered a few to share. But it came out with cow cheese and the lady was not very sorry about it. She said they are vegan if you ask for it to be, which of course I should have done but when the info I read in advance just said ‘they *are* vegan, not they *can* be, I got complacent. Oh well I really didn’t have room for pizza in there with all the soy ice cream anyway so it worked out fine, just mad that I let my vigilance slip for a minute. NEVER AGAIN. NEVER SURRENDER.
There was one place open late, Iggy’s Bar and Food Joint, which was on HappyCow. They have thin crust pizzas and a few, according to HappyCow, are vegan. On the chalk menu at the joint, a few did indeed have green V’s next to them so we ordered a few to share. But it came out with cow cheese and the lady was not very sorry about it. She said they are vegan if you ask for it to be, which of course I should have done but when the info I read in advance just said ‘they *are* vegan, not they *can* be, I got complacent. Oh well I really didn’t have room for pizza in there with all the soy ice cream anyway so it worked out fine, just mad that I let my vigilance slip for a minute. NEVER AGAIN. NEVER SURRENDER.
By the waterfront, there were tons of farmers market type stalls, so we bought some fresh fruit for the train journey. Nota bene: do not buy strawberries when you don’t have a fridge and are not going to eat them until the next day. They do not taste good once they are squished in a bag and virtually cooked. But we got cherries too, which are hardier. OH that reminds me! At the milkshake bar, we were sitting at a little table drinking of cups of pure joy, when we heard the guy tell a woman at the counter that the raspberries were finished. Oh, she said, so I guess I will pick a different flavor. No no! the guy said, not finished, FINNISH! Ha I love language. But he wasn’t just saying hey these are local berries – there’s a much greater significance. Apparently, if berries are imported from outside of Nordic countries, they have to be COOKED to be served! So random! So because these were Finnish berries, he could mix in fresh ones. Fun facts! We’re already learning so much!
So, that’s all there really was to our half day in Helsinki! We got up this morning, tried to rezip our backpacks that somehow feel heavier and harder to zip despite not adding anything to them, and headed for the train station. We stopped again at Well Cafe so I could get another of their amaaaazing salads for the train journey, PLUS a vegan croissant and a vegan pastry! Considering how expensive Finland is, this place seems a little more reasonable. Like those milkshakes were 9 euros each! But this gigantic salad was 10, I think. So a lot (even for London) but not for Helsinki. Oh your Nordic countries and your super high prices! This Allegro train is pretty nice so far. I hope the longer train journeys we have planned are as nice! We will see! Now we await our arrival….. TO PETERSBURGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Zagreb, Croatia: Great Food, Museums, Babies in Baskets
The first thing I felt when I landed, alone, in Zagreb, Croatia was excitement. The second was idiocy, as I was still dressed in my airplane outfit – black pants and a long-sleeved black hooded shirt – and it was hot. Luckily, the excitement won over and I began an incredible journey through the Balkans.
Zagreb is a pretty easy city for a newcomer to maneuver. After getting my luggage (one of these days I’ll do a long trip with just carry-ons, but until then…), I quickly found an ATM and a cab to take me to my hotel. I usually like to rely on public transit in foreign cities, but my Rick Steves guidebook said a taxi was the best way. After nearly 24 hours of traveling, I welcomed the opportunity to be lazy. To go from the airport to the city center costs 180-220 kuna if you aren’t getting ripped off, about $30-$40 USD.
Zagreb is a pretty easy city for a newcomer to maneuver. After getting my luggage (one of these days I’ll do a long trip with just carry-ons, but until then…), I quickly found an ATM and a cab to take me to my hotel. I usually like to rely on public transit in foreign cities, but my Rick Steves guidebook said a taxi was the best way. After nearly 24 hours of traveling, I welcomed the opportunity to be lazy. To go from the airport to the city center costs 180-220 kuna if you aren’t getting ripped off, about $30-$40 USD.
Jelacic Square
As is the case with most European cities, the first (and usually best) thing I did was stroll through the busy downtown. Once you get your bearings with the main piazza, Ban Jelačić Square, and a few main streets like Ilica and Vlaska Ulica, you’ll see how manageable the center is. Of course, if you’re me, you’ll still get turned around every 15 minutes, but still. Better than usual.
Jelačić Square is marked by a large statue of its namesake, Josip Jelačić, riding a horse. Jelačić was governor in the 1800s, and decided that Austria > Hungary and united with the Habsburg Empire against the Hungarians’ attempts to control Croatia.
Jelačić Square is marked by a large statue of its namesake, Josip Jelačić, riding a horse. Jelačić was governor in the 1800s, and decided that Austria > Hungary and united with the Habsburg Empire against the Hungarians’ attempts to control Croatia.
Look, princess, there’s a baby in a basket!
The bustling square acts as a showcase for vendors, people watching, and random things like this amazing children’s ride as part of what seemed like a makeshift Renaissance Faire, as well as the hilarious dunk tank below.
A few blocks from Jelačić Square, you’ll see a funicular that takes you a very short way up the hill to an old village. It’s actually billed as the shortest cable car ride in the world. I’ll leave it to one of you to verify that. I love funiculars almost as much as I love the word funicular, but we just missed our chance to ride it.
A few blocks from Jelačić Square, you’ll see a funicular that takes you a very short way up the hill to an old village. It’s actually billed as the shortest cable car ride in the world. I’ll leave it to one of you to verify that. I love funiculars almost as much as I love the word funicular, but we just missed our chance to ride it.
Dunk tank!
Zagreb Cathedral, Glagolitic alphabet
A visit to the Zagreb Cathedral, considered the most important Catholic church in Croatia, is necessary. Without knowing what to look for, it’s similar to the thousands (millions?) of cathedrals in Europe. But this one houses something remarkable: a wall covered in text written in the Glagolitic alphabet. Invented in the 9th century by the saints Cyril and Methodius, this alphabet was mainly used in Croatia and was the precursor to the modern Cyrillic alphabet.
Zagreb is really trying to draw in tourists!
Widely considered the most important museum in Zagreb, the Croatian Museum of Naïve Art is a lovely little gallery right up the hill from the main square (in the Gradec area). And one the way you might pass some fun natives!
Tickets cost 20 kuna ($3-4), and you can definitely take a leisurely pass through in less than 45 minutes. It comprises six small rooms of peasant art.
Tickets cost 20 kuna ($3-4), and you can definitely take a leisurely pass through in less than 45 minutes. It comprises six small rooms of peasant art.
My favorite painting from the Naive Art Museum
It’s called ‘naïve’ because the artists are technically untrained, but it doesn’t seem like it. My favorite painting featured pink cows. I bought a mouse pad of it. I don’t even use a mouse. But it’s more durable than a postcard of it and was only a few dollars. Isn’t it so cheerful?
My real favorite museum in Zagreb, however, was the Museum of Broken Relationships. You may have heard of it, as the museum has toured around the world. All of the pieces come from people whose relationships have ended, and the donors write a little explanation of the role the object played in the relationship. It can be quite sad (as the numerous wedding albums and gowns attest) but also really funny (consider the baseball bat one donor used to smash an ex’s car (I think)). I wish the funny stuff was positioned later in the exhibit instead of the sad, because I left feeling a bit down, but overall it was a great time. I highly recommend going.
The Museum of Broken Relationships is right across from the Naïve Art Museum and costs the same (20 kuna), but has much better hours, open past 10pm in the summer. I have to mention the woman who sold us our tickets. She was so friendly and excited to meet native English speakers because she had been learning English. She asked if she could test out her skills with us, and she told us a really funny joke, in great English, and was so happy! So nice.
Just up the street from the two museums is St. Mark’s church, covered with a beautiful tiled roof depicting the coat of arms of Croatia, Slovenia, and the seal of Zagreb.
One of the best things about Zagreb, especially in nice weather, is how much green space there is. There are many lovely parks where I suggest you play and picnic, especially in the Green Horseshoe, where more museums also await.
IMPORTANT TIP: Everything has bonkers hours in Croatia. Make sure you find out the correct opening and closing times for EVERYTHING. Check with the Tourist Information Center (right in the Square) to be sure. Here are some things I learned the hard way:
IMPORTANT TIP: Everything has bonkers hours in Croatia. Make sure you find out the correct opening and closing times for EVERYTHING. Check with the Tourist Information Center (right in the Square) to be sure. Here are some things I learned the hard way:
- Even on Saturday nights (maybe especially?) restaurants will close very early. If you have my luck, the restaurants you are dying to try will be closed before 7:30pm and will REJECT YOU when you arrive at 7pm unaware that shit is crazy. Most others will close by 8pm.
- Museums are usually closed on Sundays.
- The Croatian Museum of Naïve Art – the #1 museum to see in this city – is only open on Saturdays from 10am-1pm. That’s the only day I had open, but you can easily get through it in 30 minutes while still appreciating it, so do like I did and hit it when it opens so you don’t miss it.
- In July, it can be really warm and sunny and then BOOM THUNDERSTORM. I lucked out and the rain moved quickly (and I was inside), but it was really heavy.
The restaurants closing so early on Saturday nights is still making me angry, because I was turned away from Zrno, which my friend raved about, and I had no other chance to go. Luckily, Green Point, the fast food vegetarian burger joint, was still open.
READ ABOUT GREEN POINT!
READ ABOUT THE ART OF RAW, THE MOST AMAZING RAW VEGAN RESTAURANT!
READ ABOUT VEGEHOP, AN ALL VEGETARIAN RESTAURANT!
Also luckily, the street food vendors were still selling their corn on the cob. Yup, this is the most common street food we saw. Love it!
The hotel I stayed at, the Hotel President Pantovcak, was very nice. It’s at the top of a hill just northeast of the city center, a great location but a beast to walk up if you are not in great shape and/or if it’s too hot. Just fyi. The rooms were clean, and the receptionist was friendly and helpful.
The most important thing about Zagreb left to say:
Buy as much Bajadera chocolate as you can carry in the extra suitcase you packed just for this purpose. You’re welcome.
Buy as much Bajadera chocolate as you can carry in the extra suitcase you packed just for this purpose. You’re welcome.
…While you’re at it, get some Griotte cherry-filled chocolates, and a box or five of Napolitanke. Get it all. Bring me some.
Enjoy!
