Glengarry Glen Ross on the West End: Salesmen Can Be Pathetic and Also Monstersby Randi / January 18, 2018
Dear little baby laptop diary,
The day has arrived! We are finally leaving Uzbekistan! Who would have thought we would be so happy to return to Russia? We feel a little bit like traitors to our country (obviously not as much as our government heyooo) but we really loved Russia and the thought of soon returning to a more modern place is exciting! But first we have to get through this train journey, crossing two borders. First we will go back through Kazakhstan, around the north part of the Caspian Sea (maybe we will see Ursula!), and then into Russia to Volgograd, formerly Stalingrad. They changed the name from honoring the scary man to honoring the river! I like! What I don’t like is that this will be our second longest train journey of the entire epic adventure, and I believe our third longest ever. Two nights and parts of three different days! Ahhh! Luckily we bought the entire 4-person cabin so we can relax without scary strangers.
The day has arrived! We are finally leaving Uzbekistan! Who would have thought we would be so happy to return to Russia? We feel a little bit like traitors to our country (obviously not as much as our government heyooo) but we really loved Russia and the thought of soon returning to a more modern place is exciting! But first we have to get through this train journey, crossing two borders. First we will go back through Kazakhstan, around the north part of the Caspian Sea (maybe we will see Ursula!), and then into Russia to Volgograd, formerly Stalingrad. They changed the name from honoring the scary man to honoring the river! I like! What I don’t like is that this will be our second longest train journey of the entire epic adventure, and I believe our third longest ever. Two nights and parts of three different days! Ahhh! Luckily we bought the entire 4-person cabin so we can relax without scary strangers.
Or so we thought.
We boarded the train and made our way to our cabin, holding our four tickets for beds #5, 6, 7 and 8. Remember in China how we often had to kick someone out when they were in the wrong place? Well, gird your loins, because not only did we have to kick someone out again, we had to kick FOUR someones out. People were laying on every single one of the beds in the cabin we booked out. Are you FLIPPING kidding me. We got the conductor and explained that they were in our beds. He appeared to be mute. He went into the next few cabins and started counting spare beds, looking for spots where we could go. Hell no! I yelled out to him in Russian explaining that we bought all four beds you fat dink! Ahhh such bullshit! Finally it clicked for him and the four people moved into the next cabins. Like FFS why would you not go to the places you had tickets for? Why are PEOPLE?! Did they not have tickets in the first place, maybe? Why is everything such bullshit?
So this was quite the start to the next three days. Man alive. The toilets were disgusting, as expected. I am so pumped to get to Europe, I really can’t wait. I am counting the minutes…which isn’t very efficient because there are too many minutes so I guess I am counting the days. We have three left. Sure the third day is just a baby sized bit of it but what if we experience delays?! I have to be ready for that. Oh my god please don’t let there be delays. Remember our 11-hour delay from Urumqi to Kashgar? No don’t think about that. Think happy thoughts! Everyone who voted for Brexit should be forced to ride Uzbek trains for weeks so they can experience the unmatched joy that the mere thought of being in Europe will bring. (But they should get stranded in Uzbekistan FOREVER. Europe was too good for you asshats? THEN YOU DON’T GET TO GO.)
I cannot wait to eat lunch at Fresh in Moscow again! Big fancy salads! My favorite!
The mute conductor keeps making funny faces at us, which I don’t really understand, maybe he is trying to apologize for the trouble with the four lunatics who don’t know how to use trains? No that can’t be it. Maybe he is making fun of us. Cool game bro.
The mute conductor keeps making funny faces at us, which I don’t really understand, maybe he is trying to apologize for the trouble with the four lunatics who don’t know how to use trains? No that can’t be it. Maybe he is making fun of us. Cool game bro.
That first night, we went through Uzbek exit customs at 1:20am, which lasted until 3:30am. I REALLY don’t understand the need to have such long exit customs. It’s so unnecessary. Just make sure none of the people are criminals you don’t want to lose track of and then let us gooooo. I had to pee so badly! Remember, they lock the toilets during stops. Hoo boy. We got to the Kazakhstan entry point at 5am, which was an hour early, which you think sounds great but that just means we stay stopped at customs longer. Longer without a toilet! The guards loved asking us questions about our lives, which is so fun to do when you haven’t slept or peed in so long. We left the border at about 7am, back in our old friend Kazakhstan, and after we moved a few feet Z said to me: “Guess what – we are out of Uzbekistan!” and we embraced and cried tears of joy like the diplomats at the fucking end of “Argo”.
At this point, we hadn’t really slept more than an hour so we slept till about 11am. Then we made ramen for lunch with our little emergency stash that we could finally burn through (back to civilization means back to guaranteed food for me!), adding braised canned tofu from the Marigold brand, which was actually really good! This was my favorite meal in days!
At this point, we hadn’t really slept more than an hour so we slept till about 11am. Then we made ramen for lunch with our little emergency stash that we could finally burn through (back to civilization means back to guaranteed food for me!), adding braised canned tofu from the Marigold brand, which was actually really good! This was my favorite meal in days!
name one person who takes better food pictures
There is this little girl next door who keeps coming in and staring at us. She isn’t responding to our Russian shouts of ‘go away’ and ‘leave us alone’ and ‘why are you the worst’ and it’s really annoying. I bet you think that sounds adorable but she is a monster who literally keeps opening our door and coming into the room! No! Devil child! Devil child! And a man on the other side of us sits right up against the doorway so his legs are in the narrow hallway. It’s like he saw the news about how manspreading is a problem in the west and he was like, I can do that and then some! He stares too.
Oh man I have such a headache and I’m so nauseous why! I hope it’s not from my bulk pretzels from Nukus. Pretzels would never betray me right? Even ones that are out in uncovered bulk bins?
Oh man I have such a headache and I’m so nauseous why! I hope it’s not from my bulk pretzels from Nukus. Pretzels would never betray me right? Even ones that are out in uncovered bulk bins?
Speaking of bulk bins! In our cabin, up top where you are supposed to be able to store your luggage, there were plastic…I don’t know, bed pans??? And lots of them! What the heck was this nonsense! I’ll admit, part of me liked having these buckets of unknown origin – they might come in handy during our super long border crossing stops.
Okay so the conductor omg we saw him talking to someone! He is not mute! He just refuses to talk to us! What the hell man! Now we don’t know if he’s just being rude to us or if he is just frugal with his words. This is so f-ing weird.
The next car over is the restaurant car, so I went to explore. It was dire. There’s no menu; I asked the cook what they had and she said plov. That’s it, just plov. The cast of characters sitting among the booths looks the same as in our sleeping car, down to the old man at the far end wearing a smelly white tank top and not much else.
After an afternoon of reading, we crossed the Ural River – meaning we were officially (maybe? how does it work?) back in Europe! For the first time in almost three months, since we left Yekaterinburg! Omg! We did a little dance.
When we stopped at Atyrau, Kazakstan, it was 35 degrees out! That’s in Celsius, which I still don’t know well enough, so that’s 95 in Fahrenheit. We were baking in the sun through the window, and no wind was coming through (more like a wind-no am I right). I like saying Atyrau.
To celebrate our imminent return to Russia, we made kasha with the boiling water from the samovar, to mix with the jar of tomato sauce with mushrooms and beans, the jar we had been carrying since, well, since Yekaterinburg actually! So we had this emergency food jar keeping us company/adding pounds to the bags for literally all of Asia! That’s ridiculous. It was really good too!
To celebrate our imminent return to Russia, we made kasha with the boiling water from the samovar, to mix with the jar of tomato sauce with mushrooms and beans, the jar we had been carrying since, well, since Yekaterinburg actually! So we had this emergency food jar keeping us company/adding pounds to the bags for literally all of Asia! That’s ridiculous. It was really good too!
of course we had tomato ‘salad’ too, of course
I’m so nervous for the 4 ½ hour exit customs stop from Kazakhstan. Four and a half. WHY. Someone explain to me why that is necessary.
Oh I know why! It’s because every single guard on duty wanted to come into our cabin and ask us about America!! Every single one, I’m not joking, came in, sat down, and asked us what state we were from. They didn’t believe me that I was from Pennsylvania, because they didn’t believe that Pennsylvania was a real word. One kept saying ‘No…Washington D.C. or New York??” and I was like listen Joe, there are more places in the USA than D.C. and NYC. And Joe (not his name) would look confused and then repeat “Washington D.C. or New York!” and I would say Pennsylvania! And he would be like ughhhh that’s not what I mean! I mean what state are you from! I eventually pointed to where it says Pennsylvania in my passport and he actually got angry.
We were done with the border business in less than an hour, so this is just incredibly stupid to be waiting here for three extra hours. The train men are sleeping in their cabin. After almost two hours of that 4 ½ hour stop, I couldn’t take it anymore and I asked mute/nonmute conductor to open the toilet. He laughed and said ‘not for four hours’ and I was like, listen this is not funny, you lied to us about not being able to speak, so unless you want to talk about how I’m going to pee on the floor, you will open this.” He opened it and said ‘bistro bistro!’ which means fast, and I realized that no one else had used the bathroom in almost 2 ½ hours! What are people!!
I listened to music for the next two hours, not able to concentrate on reading when my brain is so anxious, and then I couldn’t wait again and went to the toilet and praise jebus, it was still open from the last time! The guards are outside having conversations over the loudspeakers. At first we thought it was kind of funny and we were imitating what we thought they were saying in a most hilarious skit, but now it’s annoying because this is an insane waste of time.
We finally left, we finally entered Russia, and we finally got to sleep. The next morning, we landed in Volgograd. We said goodbye to the possibly funny, possibly really mean and rude non-mute conductor. We were super smelly, exhausted, hot, thirsty, and so excited to be reunited with the motherland. We have a lot of trains left but none would be quite like the central Asian horrors of the past few months, so this might be the last entry I need to write in the baby laptop diary. I hope you enjoyed our time together.
Oh I know why! It’s because every single guard on duty wanted to come into our cabin and ask us about America!! Every single one, I’m not joking, came in, sat down, and asked us what state we were from. They didn’t believe me that I was from Pennsylvania, because they didn’t believe that Pennsylvania was a real word. One kept saying ‘No…Washington D.C. or New York??” and I was like listen Joe, there are more places in the USA than D.C. and NYC. And Joe (not his name) would look confused and then repeat “Washington D.C. or New York!” and I would say Pennsylvania! And he would be like ughhhh that’s not what I mean! I mean what state are you from! I eventually pointed to where it says Pennsylvania in my passport and he actually got angry.
We were done with the border business in less than an hour, so this is just incredibly stupid to be waiting here for three extra hours. The train men are sleeping in their cabin. After almost two hours of that 4 ½ hour stop, I couldn’t take it anymore and I asked mute/nonmute conductor to open the toilet. He laughed and said ‘not for four hours’ and I was like, listen this is not funny, you lied to us about not being able to speak, so unless you want to talk about how I’m going to pee on the floor, you will open this.” He opened it and said ‘bistro bistro!’ which means fast, and I realized that no one else had used the bathroom in almost 2 ½ hours! What are people!!
I listened to music for the next two hours, not able to concentrate on reading when my brain is so anxious, and then I couldn’t wait again and went to the toilet and praise jebus, it was still open from the last time! The guards are outside having conversations over the loudspeakers. At first we thought it was kind of funny and we were imitating what we thought they were saying in a most hilarious skit, but now it’s annoying because this is an insane waste of time.
We finally left, we finally entered Russia, and we finally got to sleep. The next morning, we landed in Volgograd. We said goodbye to the possibly funny, possibly really mean and rude non-mute conductor. We were super smelly, exhausted, hot, thirsty, and so excited to be reunited with the motherland. We have a lot of trains left but none would be quite like the central Asian horrors of the past few months, so this might be the last entry I need to write in the baby laptop diary. I hope you enjoyed our time together.
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Gozo, Malta: Lots to See and Enjoy Besides the Azure Window (RIP)
Last summer, Husband and I spent a lovely vacation all over Malta, a tiny country with many beautiful sights and at least one very amazing Eurovision song. It’s just below Sicily and to the east of Tunisia so, unfortunately, it’s often overlooked when people plan vacations to the area and choose the more well-known places. They/you shouldn’t, because Malta is a wonderful spot for a holiday. It offers a calmer, smaller experience than the more famous places in the area but with natural beauty and charm and (most importantly when coming from Britain) warmth. I wrote about Valletta, the capital, a while back and I’ll be writing about all the different places we saw eventually, but today I want to talk about Gozo, the even tinier island just to the northeast of the main island. Gozo was probably our favorite part of Malta. It had stunning natural beauty and interesting archaeological sites. The seemingly endless dirt ‘roads’ and desert-like atmosphere made it seem like we were discovering new land, which is a hard feeling to have in Europe.
Despite its size, Gozo has a lot to offer travelers. We spent two days on Gozo, arriving via the ferry from the main island. You don’t have to pay to go to Gozo – you pay for the round-trip on the return journey. Very efficient! During the short time, we drove our rental car all over tarnation with Siri telling us atrocious things to do like make a left turn into a café and then drive down a pedestrian pathway full of tables and benches. (We did not do those things.) So, if you go, note that Malta is like the most civilized, settled place in the world that global positioning systems just do NOT understand. Those drives included trips to the beach, another beach, another beautiful beach, archaeological sites, and more.
One of our favorite sights was the Azure Window, a natural stone formation at the coast that somehow, through the power of nature, formed a kind of square above the insanely violent, crashing waves of the Mediterranean Sea, which I never knew could be so ferocious and intense. So, this brings me to today’s most serious self-beratement as I realize that hot damn I need to be more punctual with my blog posts (I still have a 2.5 year backlog) – because of the news coming out of Gozo a few weeks ago that that shockingly violent sea finally caused what the Maltese had been dreading, the fall of the Azure Window. Ecological reports during recent years have stated that this destruction would be inevitable and that there was no manmade engineering feat that could save it. A particularly bad storm was the final act that brought it down, but it was going to happen soon anyway. It’s devastating for the Maltese people to have one of their most beautiful sights and an important part of their culture gone in a flash. As travelers, it’s a reminder to us that you can’t expect the world to stay the same until you’re ready to see it. We were lucky that we up and decided to go to Malta last year, as it was generally a random decision based on ‘this sounds like a nice place’. If we had thought eh maybe next summer, we would have missed this experience. The world keeps changing in all kinds of ways, and if you want to do or see something, it won’t wait for you.
Luckily for those of you who haven’t been to Malta, the country and Gozo itself still has a lot to offer. It’s a shame that you won’t get to see the Azure Window, but there’s still plenty to see and plenty reason to go.
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ok so I know it looks like just a pile of rocks but SHE GIVES YOU FOOD AND SHE GIVES YOU REST AND SHE HOLDS YOU CLOSE TO HER GIANT BREAST
A very cool archaeological site we saw in the town of Xaghra was Ggantija (pronounced just kidding I have no idea), or “Giant’s Tower”, which is fun because literally all day I was singing “there are giants in the skyyyyyyyy”. It’s a UNESCO World Heritage site along with other Megalithic Temples of Gozo. These towers are hella old, like dating back to 3000 BCE, older than the Egyptian pyramids and, at least according to mythology, made with less blood and suffering. The manmade religious structure is a ceremonial fertility site, which makes sense when you consider the folklore behind it: A giantess who ate nothing but broad beans (#me) had a bebbeh with a commoner, and once she birthed the baby she just carried it around and built the temples while holding it, nbd. Strong giantess sounds LEGIT. A big tall terrible lady giant sweeping the floooooor…
This site was hard to find because the GPS was wrong, as it was pretty much the entire trip. But it was worth the frustration of finding it! It’s a relatively small site, but definitely a must on Gozo.
AND YOU KNOW THINGS NOW THAT YOU NEVER KNEW BEFOOOOORE
i do snack on broad beans a lot, those fried and salted ones that are sold in every natural food store here? so good! and usually in the bulk bins too so they are economical |
SUCH a romantic poem jesus h christ men are SO WEIRD AND GROSS THIS IS NOT ROMANTIC AHHHHH |
Next, we drove to the town of Victoria to see the Citadel, or Gran Castello, which is much better than the school in South Carolina full of sexism. The Citadel is a medieval castle and fortress with fortifications dating back to 1500 BCE. Apparently it was built by the Crown of Aragon, but I think some nerds were having fun messing with Wikipedia because he’s a guy from Lord of the Rings; even I know that. We walked the maze of walkways along the ramparts as they were gallantly screaming and just kind of took it in, ya know, got sunburnt, ya know.
best part |
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the view from the Citadel it makes you so thirsty right?? so dry!
We also stopped in the Church of St. John the Baptist, mostly because there was a panorama view at the top. Whenever we travel, if there is a thing at the top of something, we climb it. It’s what we do. Unforch, this church didn’t have stairs up to the top (or that we could find), but it did have an elevator. The scariest lift ever. We tried to take it, but it wasn’t working, so some staffer (bishop?) came and fiddled some but then called for an electrician. We were like, naw man it’s okay, don’t worry about it, but he was like ‘no no the electrician is outside’. It was hard to discern whether the electrician was already en route to fix this elevator or whether Gozo really is that small that you’re just like, always right outside any place, but regardless, electrician came in, turned a key, and up we went to the top of the church, by ourselves, 99% sure that it wasn’t going to stay powered the whole way up. Luckily it did, and we explored the quite large roof terraces before worrying about the trip down. The best part by far was the great signage around the walkways, followed closely by the views. Oh and also there was a chair in the elevator, which I found hilarious. It’s like three stories.
oh look this is a church 
this was the original lyric to ‘come on get happy’ |
they wanted me to review the elevator on tripadvisor literally just the elevator. it was a good elevator I guess because it worked 
i still object for the record |
view from the citadel
The best part of Gozo was the beaches. We drove around to a few different ones one day. As luck would have it, the last beach we went to, Ramla Bay, was the best one, which sucked because we had such a short time before it started getting cold and dark, but still it was great. The red sand of this beach made me feel like I was on Mars or something but without the horribleness of being in space. There was nothing really special about the flat scenery compared to the gorgeous rocky cliffs in other parts of the island, but something about how pleasant it was, how easy it was to maneuver, and how much it was like the beaches we’re accustomed to (i.e. soft sand and an open sea) made us feel peaceful and happy.
So, even though it’s really heartbreaking that the Azure Window is gone, you shouldn’t count out a trip to Gozo because of it – there’s still plenty to do. Just think, all this is just the stuff I can remember! There are literally hundreds of photos of cool things that I just can’t identify because it takes me years to blog about things! So go and see all the things and then maybe you can help me figure out what else I saw.
you could be a farmer in those clothes
Eating Vegan in St. Petersburg: So Much More than Buckwheat and Pickles
I knew St. Petersburg would be the easiest place of the summer for me to find vegan food, but I didn’t know it would be so good too! I made a HappyCow list a mile long before we left, but I barely scratched the surface of it because most regular restaurants had something I could eat. Being so close to western Europe means the vegan thing is starting to catch on, and there are a few restaurants that have gone all in with menus labelled with vegan options! For the most part though, you have to just figure out with your brain what dishes could be vegan, but there are lots of options. When all else fails, there’s Teremok, and there’s pickles, and there’s hleb (bread, the most important word to learn).
Right after leaving the hostel, we ran across the tiniest hole in the wall bakery with huge Georgian-style lavash breads in the window, the kind that’s a big floofy circle with two handles coming straight out the sides. I want bread handles! I went in and found an old babushka cooking her breads. That’s all it was, a tiny place with an old grandmama and her oven and her bread. The bread looked amazing and I asked for one. Well, first I tried to ask if it was just bread or if it was stuffed with cheese like that sort of thing sometimes is. Problem is, I didn’t know how to say “stuffed” and babushka didn’t know a lick of English. I knew how to say “with cheese” and “with milk”, so I said those phrases in question form, but she thought I was asking to get the bread with cheese on it, and she doesn’t do that, and so there was much confusion. I somehow got it across that ‘no cheese/milk is good’, then I THINK she said ‘just flour and water!’ or something to that effect, and we finally established that the magic looking fluffy as all get out bread was safe for me. Unfortunately, it being a tiny little hole in the wall, babushka couldn’t break the 1000 ruble bill we had – we had JUST gotten money and hadn’t been able to break anything and SHE wasn’t going to break it! Her breads cost 40 rubles! The change would wipe her out! So husband ran back to the hostel to make change (there was nothing in between, really) while I…tried to make conversation. It did not work but it was hilarious and fun. Another woman came out and I THINK she said she was from Georgia (the country), and after a few moments of me saying nonsense I realized she was asking where I was from, and like always I didn’t know whether to say USA or London so I said both. It was a lot of confusion on all fronts. Luckily, Husband got back soon and we bought THE BEST BREAD EVER. Of course I don’t have a picture of it or the babushka because I’m pretty sure it was all just a hallucination, but I will always remember this amazing bread and this ridiculously fun first encounter with Russian people.
pickles!
For dinner on that first night, we were around the popular (and well populated) Nevsky Prospekt, with all the side streets shooting off of it full of hopping restaurants. We looked at a few menus before choosing the very adorably titled Masha i Medved, or Masha and the Bear. They had a long menu, which yes means it is probably a tourist trap, but also means lots of options and higher chance of veg items. That’s the tradeoff, I think, with going to maybe more expensive touristy places – they usually have more vegetables. Of course we started with a pickle plate, and while I’ve never been a huge pickle fan, I am ready and willing to eat them all across Russia, especially because I couldn’t fit my bottle of probiotics in my overstuffed pack. The pickled mushrooms were kind of weird, but the pickled green beans were surprisingly yummy. Luckily the boys ate the hot peppers; I was in no mood.
Yummy eggplant and mushrooms (okay and red pepper) |
apparently I forgot to take a picture of my salad but you know what cucumber and tomato looks like! So here’s a pic of my glass of mors (cranberry ish juice) instead enjoy |
For my mains, I had lots of small veggie dishes to choose from. Most focused on potatoes and mushrooms, and I figure I’m going to be eating a lot of those two things (and not just because I know the words for them!) as we go more east in Russia. So I chose the cucumber, tomato, and red pepper salad, and the grilled eggplant & mushroom dish. Both contained red pepper, so it was a lot of red pepper, and you know I’m not the biggest fan of red pepper, but I need to not get scurvy so I did my best. Both were very basic, standard versions of their respective dishes, but that’s fine, especially when travelling. I just want vegetables. The stir-fry actually tasted really good. I liked it. Hooray for Masha. Hooray for the bear.
just realizing now that the box even says vegan and ‘no dairy’ oops forest for the trees
Back on the Nevsky Prospekt, we went into the Singers headquarters, which is now a huge bookstore, and I zeroed in on their snack section. And lo and behold, a box of bars! I spent decades reading the ingredients, or trying to, before realizing that they actually said the word ‘vegan’ on the front. Oh us vegans and our immediate flipping to the underside of the flap to get to the ingredients, never assuming that our work would be done for us! I bought three. They are amazing, some brand called ‘Take a Bite’, and I did, and I need to find more in Moscow because they are just like Larabars – raw mixes of nuts and dates and other dried fruit, and some with cocoa. Obsessed.
After dinner and before clubbing (just kidding) (well we did go to a bar really late) (so tired), we went into a cute little fruit shoppe to stock up for breakfast. I bought the most beautiful looking apples, a bunch of good looking bananas, and a box of cherries. I was obsessed with the bucket of cherries, and if I was allowed I would have jumped in. I love cherries, and I live on bananas, and giant apples, as big as you could find, are probably my favorite food in the world. So, even though I labelled everything and put them in the hostel fridge in a bag with my name on it, of course someone stole my bananas and my magical apple. Of course. They left the box of cherries. They were sort of sour. Like my view of humanity.
love this cherry bucket! I also adore cutting into whole watermelons but we saw a lot of watermelon in our Kazakhstan researching so, saving for that
DO YOU SEE THESE INCREDIBLE PEANUT BUTTER FLAVORS THE CHERRY BUCKET STORE HAD??!! I can’t even get over it. I wasn’t allowed to buy them. No fun purchases! (No room, really)
cute little space!
Before our visit to the Hermitage, we went to the first of my HappyCow finds because the top review said it was right across from it. It’s a small cafe called Kafe Troitsky Most, because it is on Troitsky Most, the bridge over the nearest canal. It really is the best place to go when you visit the Hermitage because I didn’t notice much else nearby. So there’s a hot menu on the wall, but there’s a display case of several great looking salads. I asked if I could do a mix of salads and set about picking the best looking ones that I could clearly see were just veggies. I pointed to one in the back that had strips of brown and I asked if it was meat and the super nice lady said “nyet, soya!” They were soy meat strips and everything in the case was vegetarian! Everything in the cafe! Yippee! That soy meat salad was SOO good. I really liked everything, actually. I would totally return if we were here longer. My kind of place, just simple salads that you get to mix together and throw a piece of bread on top.
For a nicer dinner one night, we went to Cafe Botanika, another all-vegetarian place that we walked by at least 1400 times because it was between our hostel and all the things. I was so excited to go to a real sit-down restaurant that was all vegetarian. The menu spans many pages and includes sections of various cuisines, like an Indian section, a Chinese section, an Italian section, which is kind of odd but hey if you can do it, do it. While the food was fine, it was much better for vegetarians that it was for vegans. There weren’t many mains that were vegan, and in fact there were zero vegan mains under the Russian food section! Which is kind of ludicrous! Even it’s famous house burger was not vegan. I could have had pasta or an Asian tofu and veg stirfry, which is like hey I also could have stayed home and cooked for myself. Luckily, they had Russian vegan food for starters, so I got a bowl (more like cup) of borscht for my main and an avocado-filled salad to start. We also shared crudite and hummus, because if you have hummus I’m going to eat it. It was all fine, but I’m just kind of mad that there wasn’t more available. I am really glad I had borscht though, as unremarkable as it was, because here traditional borscht has meat in it. Botanika was a perfectly nice place and if you are vegetarian it would be incredible for you, but for a vegan looking for Russian food or even just stuff that’s interesting, there’s better.
we’re gonna need more hummus
the borscht had 4 kidney beans in it |
i like salad though |
We had great luck with Cafe Ukrop, a small chain of veggie cafes all over the center of the city. We went to two of them! The menu has vegan stuff clearly labeled, and is the complete opposite of Botanika in that stuff you would assume wouldn’t be vegan (like the ravioli and the vegetable cream soup) was indeed vegan. Fun! The food wasn’t anything special, but it was decent and healthy, and the place had a nice vibe and adorable decor, so it was just all good. It’s a sweet place where you can sit for hours because the seating includes sofas, comfy chairs, and even a few porch swings! There are also signs advocating cleaning up the environment and eating organic food. At least I think that’s what it said. It could have been anything.
We tried a lot of dishes over our two meals at two different locations. My favorite was the Caesar salad, not because the dressing even remotely resembled Caesar dressing, but because it came with fried tofu croutons. There were only 4-5 of them in the whole salad though, so they really need to add more to it. I was surprised by the Olivier Salad, it’s like a traditional Russian salad of tiny chopped potatoes, peas, and carrots formed into a circle and covered in mayo, but the vegan version was 1000x better than that nonsense (I’m guessing, because mayo blechh).
We tried a lot of dishes over our two meals at two different locations. My favorite was the Caesar salad, not because the dressing even remotely resembled Caesar dressing, but because it came with fried tofu croutons. There were only 4-5 of them in the whole salad though, so they really need to add more to it. I was surprised by the Olivier Salad, it’s like a traditional Russian salad of tiny chopped potatoes, peas, and carrots formed into a circle and covered in mayo, but the vegan version was 1000x better than that nonsense (I’m guessing, because mayo blechh).
better than it looks |
same for this one |
As for other starters, we had a mushroom soup that was decent, but it came with a little pot of sour cream, and even though the soup was marked as vegan, I just wasn’t sure about the sour cream. Husband wasn’t sure either and he usually can tell what’s vegan or not, so I’m a bit nervous about the whole thing even though this was days ago. We also tried the avocado cucumber rolls, which sounds like boring sushi but was more like roll-ups, with an avocado cream mixed with herbs inside strips of cucumber. They were fine, a good refreshing raw food dish when we needed some fresh vegetables, though maybe needed more flavor/salt.
cucumber rolls from the heavens |
mushroom soup with the devious sour cream. or not. we don’t know |
For main courses, we tried three – the ‘famous’ burrito, the ravioli, and the lentil burger. I think the burrito (more like a wrap (they are different) was the best of the three and the one I would order again. They said it was their most popular dish. Filled with smoked tofu, lentils, and various veggies, it was smaller and thus with less filling that western wraps/burritos. but it was pretty good. And I don’t know if the wrap was gluten-free, but they did that thing I love about gluten-free wraps where heating it turns the breading into a cracker. I don’t know why I just like it. Probably because anything resembling a soggy wrap makes me nauseous so if you’re gonna veer in one direction go towards the crackery and not the soggy. The ravioli was fine, a pleasant surprise that it was vegan, but it was because it was filled mostly with just greens, not a tofu ricotta like I expected or any sort of interesting play on the greens. Just sauteed plain greens. The tomato sauce it came with wasn’t great but hey they were still ravioli so still fine. The burger I liked, but it could have used more pickles and tomato – I didn’t even know they were on it until I was halfway through, the pieces were so small. The patty tasted a little like frozen peas, which is a little disappointing. It really needed a strong sauce to go on it and it would have been amazing. Kind of true of everything here. It was all decent and nice tasting but nothing was like wow. Still, it was all very satisfying, especially when traveling.
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We also had great beverages from Ukrop – a very interesting grapefruit-basil juice, a beet-carrot-cucumber-apple kind of regular juice, and best of all a halva milkshake! It wasn’t really a milkshake, more of the UK-style of milkshake meaning flavored milk, but it was pretty great! It was just soy milk mixed with halva so you can’t go wrong. They threw in a handful of slivered almonds, some of which stayed on top for the picture while the rest floated down to the bottom, so we spent a lot a lot of time trying to chopstick them up.
juices yay |
halva milk yummm |
But honestly, probably my favorite place in St. Petersburg, and Husband’s too, is Teremok, a famous fast food chain. Russian fast-food, of course, so although it looks like McDonald’s, the already-made ready-to-be-tossed-down-the-counter dishes are blini and borscht and buckwheat porridges with all kinds of meat and cheese, etc. Blini, if you don’t know, are Russian pancakes but are more like crepes, usually stuffed with all manner of food, from savoury to sweet, meat to apple caramel sauce. When we went into our first of many, many Teremoks that we passed, I assumed it was a) just for a lark and b) not for me, considering blini have eggs and milk in them. Well luckily they gave us an English menu because otherwise I’d never have seen this remarkable menu section on a freaking fast food menu:
LENTEN VEGETARIAN MENU! GUYS, that is the dream! In most countries, the traditional food for Lent is vegan food. So that’s a great way to communicate what you’re looking for when you can’t speak the language. I was so excited and shocked to see this. Of course we went back to Teremok enough so I tried three of the four vegan options at least once, and happily they have more in Moscow. Even happilier, they just opened a branch in NYC! How ridiculous is that! That’s actually how we knew about them. Anyway, the buckwheat porridge is probably my favorite food so far. I love buckwheat, so there’s that, and it’s so simple with pickles and a few green onions and whatever, it’s plain and bland and healthy and that’s kind of what I love. Same with the vinagret (mixed chopped veg salad, usually with beet, in vinaigrette) and the pea soup. Plain, inoffensive, decent, healthy food. I’m obsessed. I can’t believe my fave place was pretty much Russian McDonald’s but if McDonald’s had such healthy and good vegan food I’d probably be there. Well just when traveling; I’m not a monster.
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I knowww it ended up being buckwheat (with pickles) that was my favorite dish, the title of this post is so misleading. Not gonna change it. Oh we also ate at a Georgian restaurant and I had this boiled spinach and walnut pate (with more of my favorite bread) that was really good and it was topped with pomegranate so I’m going to share the picture just randomly right now.
I also went to a falafel place called Pita’s and had a very nice cabbage and orange salad and a falafel wrap! There are a few Pita’s across the city. The wrap with hummus is vegan, but apparently the ‘original’ wrap is not! But who would ever order falafel without hummus?!
So St. Petersburg was super vegan friendly and I didn’t even go to all the places on HappyCow! I didn’t even go to like 5 of them! It’s a great city in so many ways, and you will eat pretty well. We will see what happens in the next city!
