'Onegin' at the Bolshoi Ballet: So Amazing I Want to be a Ballerina Just For Thisby Randi / January 25, 2018
After our lovely time in Volgograd, we had to return to Moscow in order to get into Eastern Europe (to Kyiv, Ukraine). If you look at a map (or the map above how bout), you’ll notice that it’s a sharp backwards turn to go Volgograd-Moscow-Kyiv (it’s the part of the map that is like an A) and kind of silly when Volgograd to Kyiv directly would save hours and hours and make a lot more sense. But guess what’s happening on that route? CRIMEA. Can’t go through there! Ever since the Russian Federation annexed Crimea (in March 2014), pro-Russian protests in the region escalated to armed conflict between the separatist forces and the Ukrainian government. Thousands of people are fighting still and it’s very dangerous. Russia is, as uzh, very cagey about everything bad it’s doing, and it deny its presence in the region almost as often as it confirms that ‘military specialists’ are there. Russia is real trouble and we didn’t want to reward its terribleness with more tourism money spent there, but we had no choice so back to Moscow we went.
WELLLLLCOMEEEEE WELCOME TO MOSKVA
It was a pretty long train considering how close Volgograd and Moscow look to each other when you’re looking at the rest of the freaking inordinately enormous country. But the overnight train still was about 18 hours! Faaaack this country is TOO BIG. We didn’t get to buy out the other beds in our cabin this time because it was WAY too expensive to do that, like incredibly so, much more than we would ever consider and more than it cost to do it at other points in our trip. We found out soon enough why buying out the cabin was prohibitively expensive: IT WAS THE NICEST TRAIN EVER! omg! Just like when we trained to Moscow the first time, so I guess only the nicest trains go into Moscow. Holy crap, you can’t even. I couldn’t even! It was so nice I almost cried. I guess when you are on a train route named #001 you can expect it to be special.
The seats/beds were a shiny, super clean red leather (assuming it was pleather), and everything was spotless. There was a very new TV over the window and we watched some SHIT that night! Like really really bad movies, the kinds whose rights are cheap enough to obtain for a Russian overnight train, that kind of bad. There were outlets by every bed, along with personal safes! Whaaaat! A meal was included in the ticket (nothing vegan but picked at the sides, but still, surprise free food!). There were toothbrush kits and slippers and WATER BOTTLES. It was heaven. Luckily, no one joined us in our cabin until the middle of the night. I mean not SO luckily considering we were already asleep but hey it’s better than having strangers around while we were hysterically laughing at the TV.
I CAN SEE RUSSIA FROM MY WINDOW
I can’t remember the name of one particular terrible movie we watched, but I do remember how I felt watching it, because Z took a picture of me hysterically crying. From laughing. It’s the most embarrassing picture of me ever so I am not going to share that with you but I will share the picture of the thing I was crying at:
Yeah it’s a baby in a slightly too big snowsuit, and I thought it was the funniest thing I’ve ever seen in my life, apparently, because I cry-laughed so hard I couldn’t breathe, and for a while too. Z was flabbergasted, he (like most humans I am sure) just could NOT understand what I found so funny. I don’t know it was just amazing! Maybe I was just delirious from being on an actually nice, clean train. No it’s just adorable too.
We arrived in Moscow the next morning pretty well rested, but not very clean. We needed to shower! Problem: We were only in the city until our next train that evening. We had only the day, so we did not book any lodging. Unfortunately, the train station we arrived in in Moscow did not have showers. So we found a nearby hostel, maybe 10 minutes walk away, and asked if we could pay to use the showers. We offered to pay the price of a dorm bed, which you’d think they would be happy to accept, right? The money for a bed but without actually losing the bed? Just ten minutes of water? It was SO difficult to get through what we actually wanted. JUST A SHOWER. THAT’S IT. No room, no bed. OH my god we waited by the front desk for AGES while the very young very notsmart employees discussed what on earth was happening. Luckily someone finally got it and agreed so we showered, one at a time, the other guarding our luggage in a hallway. It was super awkward but better than being dirty. Of course our towels then had to be packed up wet which is gross but we didn’t really need them anymore!
Finally clean, finally ready to explore Moscow once again…except we didn’t really have anything left on our list! We had seen all the museums and important buildings and sights and stuff a few months ago! I know, months – can you believe it? It was kind of like coming home after all the crazy world we had seen, albeit a home where you don’t feel safe sooo. Anyway, what should we do? First order of business? GUM. Of course! Remember that’s ‘goom’, not like the stuff you chew, but the most famous Russian department store in Red Square. It’s super fancy with all the luxury stores but they do have the best, cheapest ice cream (for Husband) and that’s the first thing he wanted. And I was eager to go to the main floor’s fancy grocery store and pick up a few fun ingredients to bring home (we were at the point in our trip when we could buy and lug around souvenirs!!). Unfortunately, a televised event was happening on the main floor that day, so the grocery and well nigh everything on the main floor was cordoned off except for fancy people with VIP badges. Mad face.
We watched the happenings from the second floor landings for a while, bemoaning the fact that our fancy store was being kept from us. Or vice versa, really. But it was all worth it when the f-ing Von Trapp family started singing Russian folk songs.
IT WAS THE BEST! So much fun! I would have joined them if I knew the folksongs and if it didn’t look so g-d embarrassing. I’m surprised Putin lets such gaiety occur in public places. This happened to be Rosh Hashanah (which OF COURSE I said all day was ‘Russia shana’ not that you could tell when speaking but hey now you know!) so I pretended it was for that. Merry New Year!
My next order of business (my only real plan for Moscow) was to return to Fresh, the vegetarian cafe, for lunch. I was SO pumped for a big fun salad! Fresh wasn’t as good as I remembered, or as I had built up in my mind; after three months in central Asia I guess the dream of these amazing vegan salads had gotten too big to be matched by any reality. Still good, still good!
We were really hungry and who knows when we would ever get back to Fresh or Moscow so we over-ordered as we do. We got this awesome salad with marinated tofu, sweet potato, goji berries and a seed and sprout mix, plus two burgers. I got the avocado burger which didn’t say anything about being one-sided bun-wise, but came without a top half. I was kind of mad but our waiter sucked so I didn’t say anything. Who leaves off the top bun? It’s not even open-faced just lacking. It tasted really great though. The cheese sauce was RG.
We also had the BBQ burger, which comes with garlic mayo, banana chilies, and best of all onion rings! On the burger! (And also a top half of the bun.) We also got a side order of onion rings because when do you ever seen vegan onion rings?
We also had a few juices and smoothies, which are fine at Fresh but nothing special. Way too expensive for the amount you get and not cold enough. But overall, it was a great lunch, the best in ages, and almost worth the time and money spent for this necessary backtracking.
Across the street from Fresh is a fancy little grocery store that has a TON of vegan milks. They also have a bakery case and I saw that they had a vegan cannoli in there!
As you can see, it says ‘raw vegan’ on the vegan desserts, including the cannoli. I was too excited in the prospect of an unexpected vegan dessert (and a cannoli at that!) that I momentarily lost my mind and forgot how disappointing raw desserts usually are. Ughhhhhh I mean it was fiiine but like, for a nut-and-date bar. I want to go to Philly, buy Vegan Treats cannolis (incredible), and go back to this shoppe and be like “I need to speak to the manager and the baker. Here, try these and learn from your terrible mistakes. Do not make them again. Also give me those cannolis back you only get a bite are you kidding me?”
After GUM and lunch were finished with, we honestly just walked around town all day! It was nice to not have to do anything in particular, although we felt a little weird not having a plan. And it was a lot colder than it was the last time we were in town! We had to wear all our clothes Joey-style.
We were gone so long it became fall! Moscow tries to butter you up with sights like this but then a foot away was a police barricade.
Well, we did have one thing on our list – buying souvenirs! Matryioshka, in particular – I had to get those Russian nesting dolls for everyone! This was indeed the best part of getting to return here, because this way we didn’t have to buy souvenirs at the start of our trip and carry them around for 3+ months! We did lots of location scouting, and there’s this tiny souvenir shoppe INSIDE a phone store right outside Red Square, and they have the cheapest matryioshka. There are tons of shoppes and tons of the dolls, but they are weirdly very expensive for how cheaply made they are. But they know everyone visiting Moscow wants them, I guess!
Could not fit this one into my bag but ohhh how much did I want to!!! You could fit inside this one! OMG YOU WOULD BE ONE OF THE NESTING DOLLS AHHH. (Don’t mind the closed eyes, it happens in 90% of my pictures)
I also bought hilarious chocolate that we found in a grocery store. Oh man it’s probably not that funny but we found it hilarious. It’s called ‘Plan B’ and I just love the idea of this getting confused with the abortion pill, oh my goodness. We picked the funniest one of the ones on display, because it was the funniest but also because it was accidentally vegan – the one with the picture of a working woman on it, and it’s TEQUILA flavored! like to think they really meant to hammer home that working women who drink alcohol, ESPECIALLY tequila, should not have children. I also like the one with the woman searching for answers in the fridge, like ‘hmm maybe I shouldn’t procreate.’ Oh man this cracked me up. I bought the entire shelf to give to friends. I haven’t actually tried it yet but I will report back.
I also got to enjoy my first ice cream of the entire summer! It was a Tutti Frutti (not sure if it was actually the same chain as we have all over the west or if Russia just was continuing its love of trademark infringement) do-it-yourself soft-serve kinda jawn and it was FRUIT SORBET so it doesn’t REALLY count, but still, it was a decent treat after months and months without ice cream. (Luckily, we were heading soon to the vegan ice cream capital of the world….)
I wanna say I got orange flavored and grape flavored sorbet swirls. I can say for certain that those are blueberries up top
So we had a pretty fun, really random single day in Moscow. It was fun to know our way around and remember things from the real visit, and to treat this day like non-tourists, just in it for food and shopping. It still had that weird vibe that I felt before, like it’s nice and all but we’re super being watched and/or controlled by state police. Moscow is a strange city to like because of all its political issues, but we do sort of strangely like it.
Bye, Red Square, it’s been real. (Real hard to get in because of the police barricades heyoooo)
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A Day Trip to Chernobyl: Ukraine’s Infamous Disaster, Plus Dogs
Taking a tour of a disaster zone seems like it maybe would be lower down on the list of must-dos for a tourist visiting a foreign country, but when you are in Ukraine, a visit to Chernobyl is essential. This nuclear disaster from 1986 (actually, from April 25, 1986 so happy(?) anniversary) is something all of us have heard of, but few know the details about how it affected everyday people (in large part because of all the government-imposed secrecy and/or lies (‘ALLEGEDLY’)). Understanding how devastating the catastrophe was to ordinary people is difficult without seeing the damage firsthand. We hear too often about this or that terrible event that occurred here or there but when you’re removed from it, it’s hard to really grasp what happened. Visiting Chernobyl, we learned so much more about not only the disaster but about Ukraine and international politics in general than we could have otherwise. Seeing and experiencing this in person is necessary. And there is so much information about this horrible event still coming to light after years of lies and cover-ups, so a visit now is super interesting, providing a fascinating look into this sad history.
The Chernobyl disaster occurred during a safety test in the middle of the night, as ironic as that sounds. The test simulated a blackout power failure where safety systems were turned off on purpose. It is generally said that the operators performing the test were really bad at their job and they arranged the core improperly, so that a reaction occurred, and, since all the safety measures were turned off for the test, it got out of hand real fast. Like all events of this nature, there are tons of conspiracy theories floating around about what the real truth is, and though I don’t like to indulge such theorists, I must admit it is a little too convenient to blame all of this on a handful of individual workers doing their single task improperly. Anyway, there was a power surge and the attempts to shut it down added to all the power output and I want to say that water got into the core? And erupted into a steam explosion? And then a graphite fire? Firefighters tried to put it out with their normal methods but this wasn’t like a wood-burning stove, it was a freaking nuclear reaction, but they had no idea how to counter such a fire. It burned and burned for 9 days. Huge numbers of service people who tried to fight the fire ended up with radiation-caused illnesses – immediately, acute radiation syndrome and lethal doses of radiation; and longer-term, radiation-caused cancers. Many died painful, awful deaths, especially the bravest ones who had to get the closest in order to stop the flow of water into the core. These heroes were referred to as Liquidators, and approximately 600,000 such workers served in the aftermath of the explosion. That’s right, 600,000. Some organizations estimate that 60,000 (10%) died from radiation and 160,000 were disabled from it. Accurate numbers don’t really exist because of all the politics of the countries involved (and Russia pretty much refuses to honestly investigate it) so it’s safe to guess that real figures are higher. This is just one example of how the politicians involved wanted to sweep so much of what happened under the rug and refuse to tell the truth to the populace. And it’s not just the former Soviet block: As the radiation cloud blew over the USSR and Europe, France told its citizens that it was not dangerous radiation at all, outright denying that such a cloud was in their airspace, which it totally was. It’s not just Soviet dictatorships that lie to their people!
Everything about this disaster is terrifying, including how the people who lived in the surrounding area were treated. These were normal residential places, like Pripyat, a regular town that happened to have a nuclear power plant, like in The Simpsons. In the few days right after the explosion, a zone of 10 kilometers around the explosion was evacuated. The next day or so, the zone was increased to 30 kilometers, with more and more people bussed out day by day. All of these people were told that the evacuation would be for a few days only and so they didn’t need to bring any of their things. They could carry, well, only what they could carry. They were told they’d be back in their homes in a few days. In fact, none of them were ever allowed back into town, let alone into their homes, not until everything had long been destroyed at least, as we will see in this post. Eventually, as the explosion continued sending plumes of radiation into the atmosphere with no end in sight, the number of evacuees in that first year reached 135,000 people. The number would triple over the next few years.
Although the technical information about the explosion itself is what most research will talk about, the human element of all the residents whose lives were forever changed is really what a tour to Chernobyl makes you consider the most. Seeing all of the homes, the schools, the gyms, all the everyday aspects of an everyday town is more effective than anything else in showing how many people lost everything they knew before they knew it was happening. And they were the lucky ones who didn’t get exposed to lethal doses of radiation. What these residents went through is tragic and heartbreaking, and infuriating when it comes to the government.
So we had to go SEE the thing! as everyone who visits Kyiv should and does. We choked down some Cherno-bly and booked two spots on the group tour with SoloEast Travel Chernobyl Tours, the website of which features the host of Top Gear as their celebrity client, which adds to the whole ‘this is a weird thing guys’ vibe of a tourism jaunt to a nuclear disaster zone. SoloEast has great reviews so we paid the approximately $80 per person for the all-day tour. It’s a lot but it is all day and it is a reputable company that actually teaches you stuff. We met in the morning in the central square of Kyiv, called Independence Square, on the side where there is a McDonald’s which is great because Z could get coffee and I could pee twice before we left. The drive would be several hours but luckily they stopped enough at gas stations (usually for ice cream? for breakfast? I saw this all over this part of the world really) so I never had to worry too much about bathroom breaks. I mean I did still worry of course, but I didn’t need to. We got seats right up front behind the driver, my favorite seat, ostensibly so we could talk to the guides and ask extra questions and get extra guidance and info but really so I could become their friend and ask for a stop whenever I needed. Also it’s better for motion sickness. And also to get away from the yoots in the back (always) who bought alcohol at every gas station like they thought they were cool or something. Yeesh.
Lol my seat at the front, plus a look at the yoots being so cool outside
Oh and look at this one’s backpack. Man alive.
If you can’t read it well, it says LIFE IS PORNO. what does that mean. this is inappropriate for work and for Chernobyl
Okay that’s enough of the silly things. It’s time to get serious. You must wear longs-and-longs, in camp lingo – long pants and long sleeves, and closed shoes like sneakers. (This is to protect your skin from radiation, although it is generally safe to visit, no more dangerous radiation-wise than flying, really.) Once we got into the Chernobyl zone, there are a lot of checkpoints. Everyone has to get off the bus for the guards to look you over and check your passports. (Oh you have to bring your passport.) Sometimes the checkpoints were simple and fast, other times took longer. There is one main checkpoint into the area where all the busses of tourists coming that day convene and you can stare at all the other tourists and you can buy really weird souvenirs and most importantly you can pee. Oh I think it goes without saying, but bring all the water you will need for the day. And snacks. Lunch at the barracks is included (tomato and cucumber salad, what what! (and soup) (it was fine and very nice to accommodate vegans)) but anything else you’ll need, bring yourself.
Tour bus meeting point! partay
After that, the long day of learning and lamenting can begin. We started out by walking around small abandoned cottages out in the woods in the outer edges of the Exclusion Zone. Some people refused to evacuate, some came back as soon as they could, and some left forever, so there’s a real mix of what you’ll find out here. Mostly, though, you find completely trashed shelters. This is not from the nuclear fallout, no; this is from vandalism (yoots). Everything we found that was destroyed (which was, indeed, everything) all over Pripyat and the surrounding towns we visited mainly had shitty delinquent thieves and other generalized sorts of offenders to thank for the damage, all of that that wasn’t due to age and rust. People are terrible. Even so, it’s easy to see what utter abandonment did to the once vibrant towns.
As you can see, the floors are not in good shape. It is treacherous to walk around certain parts of certain buildings, so it can be a lil bit scary. If you are not in good ambulatory shape, this tour would be difficult, but I think you can still appreciate everything from outside peeking in (ON THE OUTSIDE ALWAYS LOOKING IN WILL I EVER BE MORE THAN I’VE ALWAYS BEEN CAUSE I’M TAP TAP TAPPING ON THE GLASSSSS I’m sorry I’m done).
Where we’re going, we don’t need floors?
In case seeing cottages destroyed isn’t enough, let’s look at all the markings of everyday life that were also ruined. Seeing things like schools, music rooms, auditoriums (I’m not going to say auditoria) (I know I just did but you know what I meant) (I’m not that much of a jerk) &c in this state really hurts.
YOUR CAR WILL STOP AND IN I’LL HOP AND OFF WE’LL DRIIIIIIIVE WE’LL DRIIIIIIIIVE then again maybe not
Some kind of auditorium room in what looked like a primary school. I have the same bug-eyes I usually have in such rooms but this time it’s not due to stage fright
someone’s notebook from school?
Once a gymnastics studio
the music room
After exploring these woods at the outer limits of the Exclusion Zone, we made our way closer and closer to the center – the reactor, and into Pripyat. The town of Pripyat was made up of more Soviet-style apartment blocks rather than single-family houses, and we went into the buildings that were more stable. I think these apartment buildings are even more emotionally challenging to reckon with than the houses because you’re seeing so many people’s lost homes at once, so much loss and wreckage in one place. Also climbing up those stairs was terrifying.
and I thought my landlords sucked. (also the requisite “Blursula” caption)
this is my ‘please dear god don’t let this roof collapse’ face
We also saw all the markers of a regular town, or what’s left of them. From the world’s saddest jungle gym to the world’s saddest Ferris Wheel et al. at the amusement park, to the world’s saddest indoor pool and the…well, you know, just the World’s Saddest everything/fill-in-the-blank.
The Ferris Wheel pictured below had the highest level of radiation as measured on our Geiger counters that we went around with, save for when we were driving through the Red Forest on our way out from the plant. Geiger counters measure the levels of radiation nearby. We took a ‘normal’ reading in Kyiv when we first met the tour guides, which was about 0.3, and we watched as the numbers changed through the day. It rose to 0.77 as we approached the Ferris Wheel and jumped to 4.78 when we touched the counter to the carriage. I don’t know if we were supposed to do that but there we are. Driving through the Red Forest it soared to 14!!!! And we were inside the bus! When discussing radiation levels, people often talk about bananas, because the forms of potassium in bananas have lil bits of radioactivity. In fact, scientists actually use the measurement BED, or Banana Equivalent Dose, which is hilarious, and I’m not going to get all scientific here or anything, but it’s not used because bananas are dangerous or anything; it’ s just because using something so recognizable that has some radiation but not a dangerous level or anything makes it easy for us normies to compare relative radiation levels and risks. It’s a point of reference, so be assured that bananas, although a tiny bit radioactive (the most of any fruit), are not dangerous (not unless you eat a shittonne so we can still hope that Freelee gets hers).
And here’s the saddest thing to me, an indoor pool without that amazing indoor pool smell. I know I’m weird but it’s the best smell. This is the hill I stand on, I guess.
One of the most effective parts of this tour, as you can see above in the pool picture and below, is that the guides often showed us pictures of what it looked like exactly where we were standing but before the disaster.
We also got to see the Duga Radar system, which was a Soviet early-warning system used during the Cold War. It was meant to detect ballistic missiles. This thing was enormous and Z was really excited to see it because he knew about its historic significance, while I pretty much just wanted to climb it (you can’t) (and shouldn’t).
Next, we made our way to the actual plant. Not inside obviously but pretty close. We were lucky to visit when we did, because the No. 4 building of the power plant, the building were the explosion began, has a pretty new cover, referred to as the sarcophagus. Early on after the disaster, experts realized that no matter what they did, it would be impossible to rid the plant of its beyond-lethal levels of radiation, so they decided to built a shelter to cover it up and limit the amount of radiation that got out. Design started mere weeks after the explosion! The original sarcophagus, however, corroded in certain spots and was never predicted to last very long anyway, so a shiny new cover was built from steel. This new confinement shelter was built a few hundred meters away and then wheeled into place, on top of #4, in November 2016.
This giant supershiny supersmooth tube-looking thing in the back is the new confinement shelter. The Geiger counter registered 1.17 here, so this thing is really doing its job!
OK, last but certainly not least, we need to talk about the most important issue in Chernobyl today. When I said at the beginning that the citizens of Chernobyl and Pripyat were evacuated and told to leave everything, I didn’t mention the most upsetting part of what they had to leave behind: their pets. Many dogs were left in what became the ghost towns. I know it’s hard to think about it without crying, and by hard I mean impossible. All those doggies made other doggies, as they do, and they beget the current residents of the Chernobyl area, All These Great Doggies. Rule #1, if you go on this tour, you MUST bring a giant bag of dog food, as I did, and feed all of them as much as they want because they don’t get good food regularly.
the only thing better than a dog is dogs
THIS MY NEW FREN
SO CUTE RIGHT? And so sad. These dogs rely on the kindness of the workers in the zone to feed them, but they need so much more. They need medical care. The great people at Clean Futures Fund have begun a project to help these dogs receive the veterinary care they need, from medicine to vaccines to neuter…onomy. PLEASE DONATE whatever you can to the CFF on their website so do it click here!
To leave Chernobyl, at the last checkpoint you have to go through the dosimeter, to make sure you and your belongings have not become radioactive. I didn’t get a good shot of anyone in the thing, but picture the full-body Rapiscan at airports (the worst thing), how you have to put your hands up and pray that everything goes well and all. Luckily, everyone in our group passed the test! The guide told us that people fail very rarely, usually only if they broke the rules or wandered off into the woods without a guide. One girl apparently had sat down on the ground in the amusement park or something and so her pants got an eensy bit radioactive and she had to leave them there! I don’t know if I believe that story!
So that was our day at Chernobyl. We learned so much – in addition to the guide’s constant guidance, they showed videos on the bus during all the longer segments of the drive. A lot of the videos had relatively new information, like about all the government cover-ups and things only now coming to light. It’s all fascinating and devastating at once. We got back to Kyiv after 7pm, so it is a very long, exhausting, exhilarating day. If you go to Kyiv, you must must take this tour. If you have no plans to go, please for the love of dog give what you can to the Clean Futures Fund Dogs of Chernobyl Project.
The monument to the heroes who sacrificed their lives to contain the explosion.
I am Africa: Ceuta is a Fun Little Spanish But African Quirk
The view of Africa from the ferry
When Husband and I were planning our trip through Andalusia, we were as gung-ho on going to little-known Ceuta as we were on going to our main attractions Seville and Granada, even though there’s nothing to do there, it’s not necessarily beautiful, and it’s not known for any particularly good food or landmarks. Why would we be so determined to visit this lil baby hamlet (#yayhamlet) for barely 24 hours when we had such a tight schedule? Because Ceuta is a Spanish town, but it’s in Africa. So weird right! Located across the Strait of Gibraltar at the northernmost point of Africa, Ceuta is a Spanish autonomous city, which for us means one thing – another addition on the Travelers’ Century Club list. Yes we are nerds but we want to hit that 100 mark!
COMANDANCIA I wish that was my title
Is Senderos like Westeros?
Who would have guessed that Africaspain would have a SEPTA outpost!
But even aside from our silly tallies, it’s so cool to visit a Spanish town that is not part of the Spanish mainland, and instead is mere miles from Tangier and the rest of Morocco. We wanted to witness this geographic anomaly, even though (but also because!) its very existence is the most exciting thing it has going for it. Back in boring, straightforward Europe (jk), we got back on the bus from Granada to Antequera and then got a train (nice Renfe trains!) to the port city Algeciras, where the ferry to Ceuta leaves from. It was lot of modes of transportation early in the morning. They say to get to the ferry terminal an hour before takeoff, and even though we were well on time I got nervous because it took FOREVER to pick up our prepaid ferry tickets at the Balearia kiosk. There were three women standing behind the glass but only one was working and I kept giving them looks that said “Why aren’t you working why are you just standing there what is wrong with you ahhh” but it did NOTHING to speed them along. It took literally 20 minutes for the one working woman to assist the group ahead of us, and then when it was our turn we got our tickets in two seconds flat so you know, timing, man. We booked in advance which wasn’t necessary on our non-full boat but it can’t hurt. We left about 15 minutes late because Spanish time, but it was okay because there were three doggies onboard! And one looked like a baby Tobillo soooo cute. On the ferry, there was a big open area between the seats (facing the other way) and the bar/bathroom area, so I did yoga and stretching there and no one really came near me except to go to the bathroom so only a few people noticed me but then these two mean women laughed at me so I put a curse on their heads. A few hours later, we were in Africa but still Spain! When you get off the ferry, Ceuta looks sketchy, but that’s true of all ports, I think. Walking towards the city centre through roundabouts is a little scary, but the cars generally stop at the zebra crossings. One of the first things I noticed as we walked along the marina to our hotel was a travel agency called Septatravel so I got an immediate positive feeling about this wacky lil guy. Five or so minutes into the walk there is a SuperSol market and a Lidl! Lidl’s line is insanely long because it is like Costco so go get water and snacks at the SuperSol instead. Oh and SuperSol had vegan yogurt and giant apples, my favorite kind of apples!
there ain’t a friggin cloud in the sky
The marina and all the old town buildings that we passed en route to our hotel were really beautiful. It felt so nice to be by water, which I sometimes forget I miss. The charming town centre was full of white buildings with clear Moorish and Spanish influences, and a few statues and tiny parks. The first thing we did was go down to the beach. It was a little cold, definitely more than we expected considering we were in Africa and we had assumed it would be hot, so we only dipped our toes in the ocean and had a nice stroll along the sand.
I don’t really understand sunbathing when there’s no chance of going in the water but hey power to these weirdos.
We stayed at Hotel Ceuta Puerta de Africa, and it was the first standard and modern kind of our trip, so not as charming or pretty or special like in Seville or Granada but it was clean and familiar. Also it had the first good wifi of the whole trip. And it had a bidet! Every bathroom should have one. After we dropped our stuff, we needed to find lunch! We had been traveling to get to Ceuta from 6am to 2pm, so we were hungry and all weird from travel snacking and off meal times. But we had a super hard time finding a place for lunch. We literally went into every. single. restaurant or cafe in the entire town center and checked every menu and found NOTHING even remotely veganizable. It was unbelievably frustrating. They eat a shittonne of fried fish and cheese there. Finally, when I was about to cry (I should have just realized I could have bought groceries from the SuperSol), we asked the guy at one random cafe if he could make me a salad with only vegetables. The guy was so friendly and accommodating and said yes of course and I can also grill vegetables for you! Even though I normally hate that, I hadn’t had a standard grilled veg plate yet on this trip (hooray!) so I said that would actually be good. The veg plate was, but the salad came with a big plop of tuna on top ughhhh people fish is not a vegetable! We took the plopball off and the surrounding bits but it still had the fishy sense all over. Not a great start to eating in Ceuta but at least I had veggies. And bread. So much bread in Spain. I mean Africa. I mean Spain!
We stayed at Hotel Ceuta Puerta de Africa, and it was the first standard and modern kind of our trip, so not as charming or pretty or special like in Seville or Granada but it was clean and familiar. Also it had the first good wifi of the whole trip. And it had a bidet! Every bathroom should have one. After we dropped our stuff, we needed to find lunch! We had been traveling to get to Ceuta from 6am to 2pm, so we were hungry and all weird from travel snacking and off meal times. But we had a super hard time finding a place for lunch. We literally went into every. single. restaurant or cafe in the entire town center and checked every menu and found NOTHING even remotely veganizable. It was unbelievably frustrating. They eat a shittonne of fried fish and cheese there. Finally, when I was about to cry (I should have just realized I could have bought groceries from the SuperSol), we asked the guy at one random cafe if he could make me a salad with only vegetables. The guy was so friendly and accommodating and said yes of course and I can also grill vegetables for you! Even though I normally hate that, I hadn’t had a standard grilled veg plate yet on this trip (hooray!) so I said that would actually be good. The veg plate was, but the salad came with a big plop of tuna on top ughhhh people fish is not a vegetable! We took the plopball off and the surrounding bits but it still had the fishy sense all over. Not a great start to eating in Ceuta but at least I had veggies. And bread. So much bread in Spain. I mean Africa. I mean Spain!
HER CA LEES HER CA LEES!
After lunch, we continued seeing the main part of town. It seems like a really small place, but 80,000 people live there! I would have guessed 19 tops. We saw the beach and got our feet all sandy, we saw the main shopping drag of unidentifiable locals shops and a gigantic Zara (don’t shop there! ever!), and we saw a fun mix of statues on the main promenade by the water. My favorite thing of the whole town is this gigantic statue of Hercules and the twin pillars from his 10th labor. Why Hercules? Because apparently the Rock of Gibraltar (next post!) is one pillar and the mountains of Ceuta formed the other pillar and Hercules formed them when he smashed through the (much bigger at the time) Atlas mountains with this superstrength and created the Strait of Gibraltar. Cool story, all I know is after I saw this statue I started singing “Who put the glad in gladiator? HER-CU-LEES!” and I haven’t stopped yet.
I also liked this statue called Paz y Libertad, in which a lady is setting a bird free after removing its chains. So deep, man.
After walking pretty far up the main drag, we visited literally the one thing ‘to do’ in the Ceuta travel guides – visiting the medieval city walls. These royal walls used to be fortresses complete with a moat, and now are overrun with birds and their poop. They are cool to see and walk around, and that’s really all there is to it, and that’s the thing to do. It has become a hangout for Ceuta yoots, and the only other people we saw traversing the walls were a baby in a stroller, a group of male yoots smoking and doing bad things I can only assume, and a girl yoot and boy yoot making out. I usually judge yoots very harshly but I almost felt bad for them because there is nothing to do in their town.
After walking pretty far up the main drag, we visited literally the one thing ‘to do’ in the Ceuta travel guides – visiting the medieval city walls. These royal walls used to be fortresses complete with a moat, and now are overrun with birds and their poop. They are cool to see and walk around, and that’s really all there is to it, and that’s the thing to do. It has become a hangout for Ceuta yoots, and the only other people we saw traversing the walls were a baby in a stroller, a group of male yoots smoking and doing bad things I can only assume, and a girl yoot and boy yoot making out. I usually judge yoots very harshly but I almost felt bad for them because there is nothing to do in their town.
The medieval city walls. Cool. Coolcoolcoolcool.
After we literally saw the entire town, we make a dinner reservation at what is supposed to be the best restaurant in the area, Oasis. Our hotel called and made us a booking for when they open – 9pm. The restaurant opens at 9pm! We definitely were not in London anymore (most things are closed by then!). Oasis is at the very top of the hills of Ceuta’s head bit by Mirador San Antonio. You need to take a taxi because, well, it’s far, but also it’s all winding roads where opposing traffic just comes barreling around the curves.
Mirador San Antonio has a perfect lookout spot we went to before dinner. At this spot, which sticks out over the water, you can see Africa curving around and a lil spot of Europe across the Strait of Gibraltar, as long as it’s not too foggy. It was kind of foggy. The temperature dropped considerably once the sun set, and we were at the highest, windiest point of town, so be prepared. I only brought warm weather clothes. Anyway, it was worth it because we saw a beautiful sunset between Europe and Africa and that is super cool.
Mirador San Antonio has a perfect lookout spot we went to before dinner. At this spot, which sticks out over the water, you can see Africa curving around and a lil spot of Europe across the Strait of Gibraltar, as long as it’s not too foggy. It was kind of foggy. The temperature dropped considerably once the sun set, and we were at the highest, windiest point of town, so be prepared. I only brought warm weather clothes. Anyway, it was worth it because we saw a beautiful sunset between Europe and Africa and that is super cool.
Sun is setting right down the middle!
Once it was finally close to 9pm, we walked over to Oasis Restaurant, and saw many ladies throwing buckets of soapy water on the windows and front patio. Um. Wat. I tried to open the front door (despite the soapy puddles) but it was locked. The ladies kept cleaning and scrubbing and throwing buckets of water just everywhere, so we walked a little up the road and decided to wait a few minutes. On our little wanderings, we saw these little fellas crossing the street:
So that was interesting! A little bit later, we went back to peek at the restaurant, and the ladies were still going strong with their water games. We’re at this incredibly remote spot, far from the center of town and far from any other living creature (except those crossing the street), and we were like what is happening! Finally a few minutes later a man came out the front door and said it would just be a few minutes more. And then he mopped the patio, while we just stood there in the cold. I wanted to be like, duuuude let us in and mop LATER. I was so angry and cold. So cold. Finally after at least 15 minutes we went inside, and it was gorgeous inside. It looked like Morocco. The man, although obviously very stupid, was nice and I stopped being so angry. I was concerned that it was supposed to be the best restaurant in the whole city, but we were the only guests! Also he was listening to a football match on the radio pretty loud which really did not jibe with the decor. So odd. We thought maybe the emptiness was because it was a Wednesday, or because Easter processions were going on (yup here too). Well, turns out we are just REALLY underestimating how late the Spanish do in fact eat. At 10pm (bedtime!), while we were eating our starters, a big family arrived. Then at 10:15pm, four teenage girls came. So random. Then at 10:30pm a group of old people friends. We were flabbergasted – when they say people eat dinner late in Spain (and pseudo-Spain), they really mean it! It’s semi-late in Madrid and Barcelona and Seville was tourist-friendly, so I guess we just never experienced dinner time for real in a town not catering to tourists. Places were people actually live like Ceuta do midnight dinner.
Then, at almost 11pm, a big family came in WITH AN INFANT. I was done trying to understand. I was literally falling asleep in my food and a baby was just getting started.
Then, at almost 11pm, a big family came in WITH AN INFANT. I was done trying to understand. I was literally falling asleep in my food and a baby was just getting started.
yes you’re right this is indeed a carrot salad I just didn’t expect it to be so carrot
The food ended up being just as good as I hoped. The mopper man seemed to be doing everything; he was the only staff I saw (though the kitchen was through the many big rooms in various connected buildings. It was a gorgeous space). He understood the veganness really easily and promised I would eat well. I started with a decent carrot salad, literally discs of cold cooked carrot with herbs that was really good but a little too much carrot. We also got great giant slabs of flat bread which is our favorite.
I MADE COUSCOUS
For my main, I had a delicious couscous. I know it sounds boring but it was one of the very best couscouses (couses cous?) I’ve ever had, up there with the ones I had on our honeymoon in Morocco which makes sense since this is effectively in Morocco. First of all, it came with chickpeas! Hooray for restaurants that give vegans beans! We want beans! Then, the broth that the cous was in was soo good, and it came with a good mix of weird veggies. It was wonderful! There was so much couscous though, I couldn’t even finish it. I liked this very much. MUCHO GUSTO.
TRAY OF SUGAR
After dinner, the mopper man brought fresh mint tea which is literally our favorite thing. This tea was in that great Moroccan tradition of being way too sweet and poured from a great height. He also brought us a huge, HUGE, dessert tray. There were peanutty jawns, sugar syrup baklava type jawns, flaky cookies that left tons of powdered sugar in their wake, all kinds of sugary syrupy twisty little bites that were so good and sooo sugary. I wish that he had told us that we would be charged for each little piece we ate, but they were super cheap and it’s better than being charged for the whole gigantic tray. I just wouldn’t have bit every single one and put half back. Just kidding I didn’t do that I am not a monster. It was a great meal overall. The only annoying thing (besides the opening wtf) was that I asked for a half liter of water (no tap water really in all of Spain. Or Africa) and he said they only had full liters left (menu said both so it was a supply problem) but on the bill he charged us for the full, which I thought was wrong since we wanted to get just a half (I had bag water as always).
The guy called a taxi for us (you can’t hail one at the deserted top of a mountain) at 11pm, and it took a full 30 minutes for it to come. Ughhhh it was sooo cold outside too and I was dizzy from all the sugar in the tea and the desserts and that darn baby was still going strong inside. It finally came, and after all that it couldn’t drop us at our hotel but a few blocks away, because this was happening:
The guy called a taxi for us (you can’t hail one at the deserted top of a mountain) at 11pm, and it took a full 30 minutes for it to come. Ughhhh it was sooo cold outside too and I was dizzy from all the sugar in the tea and the desserts and that darn baby was still going strong inside. It finally came, and after all that it couldn’t drop us at our hotel but a few blocks away, because this was happening:
YUP, another Easter parade! Even in Africa! And after 11pm! Oh boy this was getting kind of annoying. I mean I’m not a fan of parades to begin with so a slow, somber one about Jesus and clan got old kinda fast. But still it’s pretty cool, and kind of hilarious. Thank goodness we couldn’t really hear the drums from our room.
So that covers all, seriously all, of our time in Ceuta. There’s not much to do as a tourist, so it’s kind of meh and I can’t recommend that people actually vacation there. But if you happen to be in the area, it’s cool to see a geographic oddity and the Strait of Gibraltar, and you get to say you went to Spain but Africa. Also you get to sing “I am Africa” the whole time. Oh and of course the songs from “Hercules”! So it is great for the music in your head if nothing else.
