Viasko, Berlin: It Makes You Think of Fiasco But It’s All Good

     Not that I’m an expert on what the cool kids are up to, but when a restaurant is a) in Shoreditch and b) has at least an hour wait even on a Tuesday evening, I’m pretty confident in calling it the hippest. Especially when the majority of people in the mass waiting in line to get in are wearing jean shorts and black tights. So hip in these parts. 

And Dishoom in Shoreditch (it also has two locations more westerly but East London is for the cooler people) is actually worth standing in that queue for. Billing itself as a Bombay Cafe, its spectacular street-food inspired-ish Indian food stands out in the sea of Indian food that composes East London. Unlike the majority of nearby Indian restaurants, you can feel secure as a vegan that what you’re ordering is, in fact, vegan. (I’ve had too many restaurant hawkers on Brick Lane (what are they called?) tell me a little too assuredly not to worry about the ghee.) The first time I went to Dishoom, when I asked my waitress what I could have as a vegan, she whipped out a pen and marked up my entire menu with her notes. It was hilarious and so sweet! Now, I’ve discovered that they have a whole separate dairy-free menu, showing items that are already dairy-free and what could easily be made dairy-free, so it’s a breeze to use that menu and just look for the items marked (v) for vegetarian. Yayyy fun game. 
      The thing to know about eating at Dishoom is that, if you are doing it right, your mouth will be on fire. Or at least by London standards. It’s hard to find legitimately spicy foods at mainstream restaurants here — they’ll be like, are you sure you want the 3 bells level of spicy wow it’s so spicy, and then it’ll be something you barely taste. And I’m on the wimpier side spicy-wise, so I’m not exaggerating. But Dishoom gets it so right. Some of the stuff (like the gunpowder potatoes, aptly named) is pretty killer, yet the taste of the spice outshines the heat of the spice, which is so important. So good! Oh, also, the other thing to know is that it’s pretty much the darkest restaurant I’ve ever not seen. Like scary ridiculously goth dark, so my pictures are even worse than usual if possible! Wheee! Let’s see what to order. 

       First off, the drinks. When you’re about halfway through your wait, you’ll probably have made it to the bar waiting area, where you are given beepers that beep when your table is ready beep beep. Dishoom’s bar has a pretty lovely non-alcoholic section, mainly because it exists, which is rare here. Do yourself a favor and get the watermelon sharbat, which is fresh watermelon muddled with mint, lime, and sea salt and served over ice. It’s REALLY good, and it’s not very sweet, which is perfect if you are a respectable person with a pink drink and not a drunken foo’ on a hen party with a pink drink. Do yourself another favor and DON’T I repeat DON’T be tempted to get the Kala Khatta Sharbat, even though you’re intrigued, even though the bartender LITERALLY  tells you that he doesn’t want to make it for you because you will hate it and how can you ignore how tempting that shit is, even when he really begs you and your friends not to try it, even when he begrudgingly concedes that it’s his job to make what you want and that you can try it if you really want to but that you will really still hate it. He’s right, yall. IT’S AWFUL. It’s kokum fruit juice which apparently is in the mangosteen family according to webs but I’d believe it was part of the this-tastes-like-burnt-wood family, chilli (yes, in your drink), citrus (that’s okay), and FREAKING BLACK SALT. Yeah, like the crap we vegans add to shit to make it taste all sulphury like freaking disgusting eggs, they put in this drink. That’s not even the best part: the menu says this mishmash of ingredients better served for making a table are “left to rest” before being strained over ice. It “will take you straight back to Chowpatty beach”, they promise, which now I believe is a threat. Moral of story, don’t get that, even though I’m pretty sure you’re going to try it now because human impulse. 

    Moving on. The best things, as in any restaurant, are the starters. I will always start with the same things at Dishoom because they are so good: the veg samosa, obviously; the okra fries, even more obviously; and the bhel, not obviously at all because what even is that? My friend the Wayfarer (who is Indian and therefore an expert on Indian food and she really liked Dishoom so there) ordered the bhel one time and I’m obsessed now. It’s like a really interesting bowl of cereal if you added both sweet and savory things and were like, what am I doing, this makes no sense, but it’s delicious. It’s puffed grains with pomegranate seeds, which sounds perfect, but then onions and tomatoes, which is like whaaat, and then lime, tamarind, and mint seasonings and the thing’s just crazy enough to work. It’s really addictive! I would never have thought to try such a messed up bowl of cereal but I’m so glad I did. As for the samosas and the okra fries, come on, it’s fried goodness, get like 4 orders of each and you’ll be okay. Oh also the menu description for the okra fries reads “Fine lady’s fingers for the fingers”. So that’s a plus, I think.

     I also have enjoyed the Far Far in the past, which is described as “carnival snackery”, colorful fried crackery things that are salty and somehow lemony. But they are easily found in my nearby ethnic groceries so they’re not my restaurant constants. 
     The fun continues with the more-substantial-but-still-small plates. We get to eat vegetables now, with both kachumber and ‘a bowl of greens’. The bowl of greens is usually too overdressed and vinegary and salty for my taste, but I get it every time because I need greens at every meal or I get grumpers. It’s spinach, snow peas, and broccoli with lime and chili, and sometimes it has too much lime, sometimes too much chili. It’s not the most consistent dish on the menu, but it is the most green. 
   The kachumber is the classic salad that every Eastern culture has, what I’ve always known as Israeli salad but everyone knows as someone else’s. It’s tomato, cucumber, and onion chopped up. You know it. It goes well in falafel wraps. You’re probably thinking, oh kachumber is a cute name that kind of sounds like cucumber, I see why they chose it. No, it actually means beating someone up nicely. Okay monster man. 

     I’m pretty sure the most-ordered item at Dishoom is the gunpowder potatoes. I am not basing this on any research or you know even asking an employee, just going by what I believe in. Potatoes are good. These are super spicy potatoes, skins on, smoky and grilled till they crack apart and then tossed with seeds and herbs. They are normally tossed with butter as well, but the dairy-free menu assures you that they can be made without. Given the strength of the dry heat the potatoes give off (like Austin!), I bet butter helps calm the spiciness. If I’m right, that means the dairy-free potatoes are even hotter and more gunpowdery, so vegans are badasses. Nice. 

       So as you can see, the small plates at Dishoom are pretty great and numerous. Unfortunately, there’s really only one entree for vegans, but it’s really delicious: the Rajma-Chawal. It’s a little cast iron pot (but an enormous portion) of slow-cooked and deeply spiced red kidney beans in a thick, dark red sauce, served over basmati rice and topped with fresh herbs. It’s really good, considering it’s what you’re kind of forced to order. I’m still not upset about the lack of entree options at Dishoom because these damn beans are so delicious, and because by this point in the meal I’m stuffed to the gills anyway of fried littles and random tomato cereal. What I am upset about is that the basmati rice is the only rice or bread accompaniment that is vegan-friendly. No naan here. But that’s okay when there’s a decent offering of vegan dishes at a place where all your omnivore friends will be dying to go, and that’s the best part: Not only is Dishoom the place to see and be seen, maybe, at least regarding hipsters, but it’s the perfect place for a mixed group of eaters. 

DISHOOM, SHOREDITCH, LONDON
Water speed: Oh London, please stop it with these little tumblers that are the length of my pinky. 
Service: Decent and helpful, but they are hard to flag down because this place is always super heaving with a constantly moving crowd. Such crowd.  
Bathrooms: There’s never a line (yay) because there are at least 5 stalls, but they have that weird England-basement-but-sort-of-also-the-camp-kitchen smell.  
Food: Good, fun, spicy. 
Bonus: It’s like being in an ad for Topshop with all those stockings and shorts combos and all those big floppy hats even at night and all those men with ironic beards and my god I’m surrounded by hipsters. 

*This post is part of a series in which I eat fancy Michelin-starred meals and then brag about it. 

When we spent a weekend in Madrid this year, Husband surprised me with a reservation for lunch at Ramon Freixa, a restaurant with two (2!) Michelin stars. This was obviously very exciting, although the place is not well-known for its vegan-friendliness. Husband contacted all the best restaurants in Madrid to see who could accommodate vegans the most, and Ramon’s assurances were the most persuasive and promising. And if they didn’t do a good job, at least I could publicly shame them on my blog. Happily, we are doing zero shaming today! (At least on the blog.) Ramon Freixa presented me with a delightful, seemingly endless vegan ‘lunch’ (it lasted well into the evening).

   Before we get to the food, let’s talk about the restaurant itself. We were brought to a heated covered patio sort of thing, like a sun room, to wait for our table. We had one of the first reservations of the day and we were a little early so we sat in the lovely little sun room that would have been so much lovelier if it wasn’t January. a few businessmen-type people were doing business at a nearby table. Soon we were led inside, and the restaurant was so clean and shiny and pretty and I realized, erma p, I am quite underdressed. Although I haven’t written in it in a really long time, I do indeed have a Style section on this website. I like to think that I have at least decent taste (and those of you remembering my law school backpack can shove it). So, I am embarrassed to say that the one and only time I believe I was ever, ever underdressed was for this lunch!! Que c’est embarrassant! 

My favorite thing right off the bat was that, before I could put my (favorite Matt & Nat!) purse on the floor, a staff member literally swept in and placed a metal stool next to my chair for that purpose. I mean. Come on. A seat for my bag? Where am I? This is awesome! I knew then that my napkin would be folded into a swan or elephant every time I went to the bathroom, and that I did not have to worry about my water refills. It’s that kind of place. 

   Unfortunately for you, the printed menu they gave us is poorly translated and poorly edited of the non-vegan items. I’ll do the best I can to describe things and remember what the crap they were, but I’ll tell you right now, I don’t remember any details. Spoiler: I’m also sharing two pictures of non-vegan foods (the butter dish and a small cheese) because they were the most adorable and awesome-looking things ever, and you can’t really tell what they are anyway. 
   The first few dishes were already on our table when we were seated, which I very much enjoyed. According to the menu, we have seaweed crackers, “cold and hot citric”, and “the strawberry that wanted to become tomato”, the latter of which is the name of a book or movie or song I’m going to write; I don’t care what it is I need to use that name. The crackers were self-explanatory, nothing special. But the other two components set the bar extremely high for the rest of the meal, at least creativity-wise. The cold and hot citric was a really citrus sorbet but with hot citrus juice poured on top, so it was frozen yet hot and foaming while you ate it. It was delicious, but more than that, it was awesome. Our poor little strawberry friend was a huge surprise, because it looked like a strawberry, little seed dots and all, but it was indeed a tomato. A perfect raw tomato that had somehow been manipulated to look like a strawberry AND to not taste like the usual (gross) raw tomatoes. So cool!

     Next, we were brought small bread rolls that we got to choose from an enormous and varied basket (yay and I wanted all of them). I was given a little dish of some of the greatest olive oil ever, while Husband was given a hockey puck and a rock. I kid you not. A hockey puck and a rock. He called over a waiter and asked, “Um…so…what do I do with these objects?” Judging from past experience, we assumed the rock was very very hot and that it was a cooking stone for an ingredient to be presented (this is actually based on past experience, not joking). But the waiter showed us that the hockey puck was actually a butter dish (the butter was the middle) and the rock was a soft piece of cheese that happened to have a slate grey shell formed around it. I mean, I was cracking up. My favorite things that I never ate and don’t want anyone to eat! 

    After being served basket bread, it turned out that our next real dish was more bread! Yay! Well, it was a crispbread, luckily, because we got basket bread multiple times. (Michelin restaurants in Spain give bread! Who knew!) The cracker was doused in amazing olive oil and salt, and topped with delicious tomatoes and tomato pulp. I don’t usually get excited about raw tomatoes, but this was so so great. Like the cracker version of the best bruschetta ever. 
   The next two small plates are mysteries. They were both good, one incredible and one fine, but I’m just not sure what they were. I think the fantastic one was a lentil cracker with some kind of cheesy root vegetable and crispy things on top. It was such a lovely little bite I could have had 100 of them. It was also served upon a white ceramic tree stump. Hot damn I love the stuff fancy restaurants use. The fine one I think was chia seeds; the menu says ‘veggy roe’ which is pretty accurate for chia pudding actually. It had chopped carrot or winter squash in there and some seaweed. 

    The following dish was actually a dish (huge news!), on a dish, and was a little miracle. Not kidding, this plate I think was my favorite, one of the best parts of the meal. It included ‘steamed truffle made of truffle’ and ‘vanilla souffle potatoes’. Let’s start with the truffle made of truffle. It was perfect black truffle whipped into a truffle shape. I have never had real truffles before, aside from an odd dash of lower-quality truffle oil at some places, so it was pretty awesome to have my first legit truffle be an enormous glob of the good stuff. And I mean enormous. It was probably too much for the dish, and I’m sure other people would have had trouble finishing the insanely rich delicacy, but I loved it. Erma. I’m such a convert to truffles now. Not that I have ever bought anything truffle or had any since. 

That’s a lot of super rich truffle! It was so so good. Anyone who thinks truffles are so over are crazy. And they sound pretentious. Now I’m cracking up hearing Louis CK do his pretentious white girl voice saying “truffles are soo ooover.” Anyway, that wasn’t even the best part of this plate. That lone slice of potato that looks kind of sad, the one wearing the hat? was the most incredible, creative, and surprisingly delicious part of this whole meal. When they told us it was a vanilla potato, we were like…umm…that’s going to be gross. A for creativity and trying to be unique, but what? No, we were very wrong. It was spectacular! Purely vanilla, but still proper to be eating with savory food. So incredible! Here’s a close-up so you can see the vanilla bean goodness. 
     After such rich food, I was grateful that the next dish was lighter and healthier, although it did taste healthier to if you know what I mean. This was a bean log, made of pureed white beans, rolled in broccoli dust, with shaved raw truffles at the ends. (Raw truffles do not taste like whipped awesome truffles.) This did taste a little like plain beans and raw broccoli, but I am vegan so I really enjoyed it. 

   

   Ah but next up was another rich dish! Well, a rich and crazy soup, really, or tea…or coffee. On the menu, it is called ‘from tea to cappuccino’, and it was another mind-boggling creation. A cup of hot mushroom broth was topped with a thick salted celery foam that I’m pretty sure is responsible for one of the Michelin stars. Celery foam! After you got through the ‘cappuccino’ foam, you got to the mushroom ‘tea’. Incredible little cup of wonder!

    As expected with a restaurant that isn’t primarily vegan-focused, one of my ‘main’ dishes was grilled vegetables. But, it was pretty wonderful! There was a small cauliflower steak, perfectly oily mushrooms, asparagus tips, pearl onions, Brussels sprouts, tiny whole carrots, and a wonderful rich sauce underneath it all. This dish was described in the menu as being ‘like an animated forest’. I don’t know if that’s true, but it’s awesome. 

  By now you probably realize, whew, this is a lot of food, we must be getting near dessert, right? And you said this was lunch?! Nope, two more savory courses to go! Luckily, even though I was quite (QUITE) full, the next two plates were some of my favorite things ever. First off, we got tofu! It was sooo goood. And so surprising! They must work with tofu regularly because otherwise I just don’t know how they made this so well. It tasted like it was marinated in soy sauce, and it was really firm and incredibly smooth (not grainy), which I rarely find in tofu regardless of the source. The tofu sat on a bed of fresh peas, and it was all seasoned so lightly but so well. So cool! 

    We ended the savory food section on a high note, with a tiny hot soup of fresh peas and..a grain? topped with grilled radicchio. This was so perfect, I wish I could recreate it to have for dinner on a cold winter’s night. Or a cold summer night; I am in London still wearing longs and longs in July.  

    After such an impressive array of food, it was only natural that the desserts wouldn’t be able to reach the same high levels. They did a remarkable job with the food, for a restaurant that doesn’t usually serve vegans, but dessert is harder for most places. I got two beautiful if simple fruit dishes, one that came with a poof of Smurf hair cotton candy. Pretty fun! 

   All in all, it was a splendid meal, and definitely recommended if you are looking for a duper fancy restaurant in Madrid. I think I’m still full from it. 

RAMON FREIXA, MADRID, SPAIN
Water speed: Total bosses! I think there was a waiter who was solely responsible for watering me. 
Service: See above. Pretty great. 
Bathrooms: Omg the bathrooms were so funny. The restaurant decor was all golds and whites and silvers, very simple chic, and then the bathroom was like neon yellow and futuristic plastic stuff, so funny. There were incredibly fancy soaps and lotions too; I considered pulling a ‘Broad City’ and filling up a plastic bag with them. 
Food: Really wonderful overall. Some dishes were basic but the average was brought up pretty high due to some standouts. 
Bonus: Pretty sure we were dining with the richest Japanese businessmen planning coups and stuff. Also people were wearing hilarious dinner jackets. Like hilarious.