Madrid: It's Pretty Awesome Even If You Don't See Penelope & Javierby Randi / July 28, 2015
In our short time in Madrid, we weren’t able to hit all the vegan spots I put on my list. (I was saving my food-tour kind of living for Austin.) Adding to the struggle was that we found at least two spots closed when they were supposed to be open. (I hate Uncle Siesta!) Luckily, we did get to eat at B13, an all-vegan bar the name of which I assume refers to how they’re even better than vitamin b12. Or that like b12, vegans need them. I doubt it’s that. It’s a cool, chill, punk-ish hole-in-the-wall with an unreliable but fun menu. The food was decent, nothing extraordinary, and at times hilarious, but it was just a treat to have an entirely vegan place, even if that place smelled of spilled beer and felt like it too.
globbible
We were very hungry after a day of walking and wandering, so we were happy when they brought a complimentary starter of bread and ‘salad’. Or were we? This was one of the most hilarious plates of food. In the middle of two pieces of bread was a mayonnaise-y clump of mayonnaise, as far as I could tell. Or potato salad, but the mayo outweighed the presence of potato and other vegetables. Yes, it was vegan (doesn’t look like it!), but still, there’s not much that’s appetizing about a big puddle of mayo, vegan or not. Not the most auspicious start, although it did taste okay in little bites. It’s hard to tell, but this was a huge portion. We tried to attack it at various points in the meal but it was just too much for our soft Western feet.
Not having had enough beige, our first food order was calamari. Having fried calamari on the menu was a main reason I wanted to go to B13, because it used to be my faaavorite. And guess what that came with? More bread!
beige food, beige food, a-whatcha gonna do
The calamari was pretty good! It didn’t have a discernible fishy taste, which I think is a good move, and it was maybe more like very chewy onion rings, but it was one of the more enjoyable fried foods I’ve eaten. The hunk of bread we could have done without. Perhaps a salad (not of mayo) would have complemented it better.
I was also lured to B13 because it actually has vegan Spanish omelette, the staple dish of potato-filled omelette. It’s so good and I really really wanted a vegan version. Guess what. None that day. They also were out of the croquettes, which sounded great. Arghaaanauts.
I was also lured to B13 because it actually has vegan Spanish omelette, the staple dish of potato-filled omelette. It’s so good and I really really wanted a vegan version. Guess what. None that day. They also were out of the croquettes, which sounded great. Arghaaanauts.
For our mains, we created two combo platters. The combo platter situation was quite something. You can pick one item from three different sections, which we did. So, three separate items, okay. One of ours came out as expected, like a full plate of food. But one was kind of funny in execution. For this unexpectedly funny one, we chose the sausages, the green peppers, and hummus. Like, it was three foods. On a plate. Just chilling. This is kind of weird, right?
I mean, yes, here we have sausages, hummus, and peppers, which we did order, but they’re just, I don’t know, sitting there! All the components are just sitting there. I don’t know, it’s a weird plate! This also came with a basket of bread. It’s like a deconstructed plate of food or something. Weird. The peppers were really great, grilled until they were super soft. Although I may have just been excited about seeing a non-mayoed vegetable. No they were good. And the hummus was quite enjoyable, as almost all hummus is, despite it being the first food that needed bread but the 3rd dish that came with bread.
The other combo platter we made was the breaded seitan steak with salad and onion rings. Hrm. This seitan steak was…weird. It was super soft ‘seitan’, like you could tell it was maybe made with flour and not vital wheat gluten and not made correctly, and it was suuuuper sweet. It actually tasted like a maple syrup-covered pancake. But it was seitan. Husband couldn’t eat it. I tried. I did not fully succeed.
The other combo platter we made was the breaded seitan steak with salad and onion rings. Hrm. This seitan steak was…weird. It was super soft ‘seitan’, like you could tell it was maybe made with flour and not vital wheat gluten and not made correctly, and it was suuuuper sweet. It actually tasted like a maple syrup-covered pancake. But it was seitan. Husband couldn’t eat it. I tried. I did not fully succeed.
At least this plate looks more like an actual plate of food, right? And that salad was so good. Well, it was average normal green salad with tomatoes and carrots, but I was so happy to see it after all this beige. The onion rings were decent but unnecessary. If I returned, I would combo platter the burger, which we didn’t try and I bet is really good just because of odds, the salad, and the peppers.
This is the point where our story gets very very sad. One of the best parts about B13 is that they have soy milkshakes! And milkshakes are one of the best foods out there! The availability of milkshakes was my #1 reason for wanting to go to B13. You’ve probably already guessed what happened: no milkshakes that day. Sadface.
They did have one last piece of cream cake. Or pie. I am not really sure what this was, but it had a wide layer of light thick sweet cream that was just really really good. The wondrous fluffy cream came on top of a spongy vanilla cake layer, and it was all topped with delicious caramel-ly crushed nuts. So yay for that.
This is the point where our story gets very very sad. One of the best parts about B13 is that they have soy milkshakes! And milkshakes are one of the best foods out there! The availability of milkshakes was my #1 reason for wanting to go to B13. You’ve probably already guessed what happened: no milkshakes that day. Sadface.
They did have one last piece of cream cake. Or pie. I am not really sure what this was, but it had a wide layer of light thick sweet cream that was just really really good. The wondrous fluffy cream came on top of a spongy vanilla cake layer, and it was all topped with delicious caramel-ly crushed nuts. So yay for that.
thank you. thank you. thank god for you.
B13, MADRID, SPAIN
Water speed: Hooray for a carafe, though refills were slow.
Service: Staff is mostly behind the bar, which we were near, so we could talk to them easily.
Bathrooms: One or two very typical bar bathrooms.
Food: Disappointing if you want great food (or anything you were jonesing for on the menu), but good if you just need somewhere vegan.
Bonus: An all-vegan place in the middle of any city is pretty cool!
Water speed: Hooray for a carafe, though refills were slow.
Service: Staff is mostly behind the bar, which we were near, so we could talk to them easily.
Bathrooms: One or two very typical bar bathrooms.
Food: Disappointing if you want great food (or anything you were jonesing for on the menu), but good if you just need somewhere vegan.
Bonus: An all-vegan place in the middle of any city is pretty cool!
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Crazy Mother Hubbard: What To Do With The World’s Largest Squash, Part 3 – Squashy Pumpkin Cinnamon Buns!
The Saga of the Massive Hubbard Squash is just about over! We have (had, I mean this was like 3 weeks ago) just about 2 cups of baked squash cubes left, enough for one last hurrah, after we made delicious bean stew and great squash muffins. I am almost sad to say goodbye to this monster. #StockholmSyndrome.
I was craving cinnamon rolls, and I didn’t have the motivation to make anything else, so into the buns they went! Are they rolls or buns? Someone please tell me. Anyway, I used to be scared of baking with yeast because ew it’s alive and it makes things grow and we’re vegans and shouldn’t be eating things that grow as you make it…but then I remembered that my love of playing with my food outweighs my fear of weird things, so I gave it a try, loved it, and now I’m like the yeastmaster. Worst name ever. But these rollbuns are fantastic! Let’s learn how to make them!
I was craving cinnamon rolls, and I didn’t have the motivation to make anything else, so into the buns they went! Are they rolls or buns? Someone please tell me. Anyway, I used to be scared of baking with yeast because ew it’s alive and it makes things grow and we’re vegans and shouldn’t be eating things that grow as you make it…but then I remembered that my love of playing with my food outweighs my fear of weird things, so I gave it a try, loved it, and now I’m like the yeastmaster. Worst name ever. But these rollbuns are fantastic! Let’s learn how to make them!
These are very much like pumpkin rolls, so if you don’t have a monster squash around, you can substitute pumpkin or other wintry squash. The squash provides moisture in the bread and lovely, comforting flavor in the filling.
CAUTION.
NB that using the Hubbard Squash somehow breaks the laws of nature, because the normal amount of flour that should have sufficed ended up being nowhere near enough. After mixing the liquid ingredients together, I added the flour, la di da, things are fine, but then the mixture was still way too wet, no matter how much extra flour I added. It was the Squash Monster! It kept absorbing flour like it was me drinking water and it wouldn’t stop and everything got dark and fuzzy and I ran out of flour and had to make oat flour but the Squash Monster (Squashster?) just wouldn’t be satisfied until it had destroyed ALL OF THE POSSIBLE FLOURS I had in my house. I even had to throw in some quinoa flour just to mess with its head. Finally, with both of us exhausted but only me still hungry, Squashster dried up a little, enough for me to actually roll out the dough, which was yet another hurdle to overcome considering I had no flour left to flour the rolling surface. Man alive. All of this is just to warn you that this could happen, so buy extra flour. The rolls were fantastic, so don’t be skeered. Also, I’m sure it was just me.
HUBBARD SQUASH & PUMPKIN
CINNAMON ROLL BUNS
CINNAMON ROLL BUNS
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INGREDIENTS:
For the buns:
For the filling:
DIRECTIONS:
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 Yay boy the yeast is jumping! It’s really jumping! Come in, cats, and check your hats, I mean this yeast is jumping!  HAHA SQUASH I HAVE DESTROYED YOU!!!  Punchy punch!  ROLLING rolling ROLLING rolling ROLLING OUT MY DOUGHHHH  Roll from the rolling pin side down  Dental floss prevents gum disease AND slices your cinnamon buns without hurting them!  Unbaked, goopy with congealing butter. Mmmm. Do that. |
THESE ARE SO GOOD YOU HAVE TO MAKE THESE! I brought them to work and people loved them. I bring goodies to work somewhat frequently, and usually only the people I run into give me comments. With these, however, people actually sought me out to tell me how good they were. So, you know, you gotta make them. Enjoy!
London’s Best Vegan Mexican Food: Club Mexicana in Residency at Pamela
In the days leading up to our exciting reservations at Club Mexicana’s residency at Pamela bar in Dalston, we were making our fair share of “PaMELah” jokes in the style of Borat, cultural guide in all situations. Oh Pamela we are now married! Agreement not necessary! Little did we know that that was indeed the Pamela that Pamela Bar is talking bout! The walls above our seats at the bar were covered with pictures of Pamela Anderson! I was very surprised, but it was kind of nice because she is vegan and a pretty strong advocate for animals, so it made sense that she would be watching over the current kitchen residents, vegan Mexican wonder Club Mexicana. Pamela’s kitchen residents change often, as that is what residencies usually mean. However, the Club Mexicana residency is open-ended! That means I can go again and you have even more time to try to go, and you should, because the food is sooo good.
First of all, make a reservation. It was packed. I mean we did go on a Saturday night so there were plenty of people hanging around the bar (and thus us oy back off smellers) just drinking, but I have a feeling it’s always busy. And for dern good reason. I could eat their tacos every day; they’re the best I’ve found in London and by far the most interesting for vegans. The menu at Pamela seemed created specifically for this sit-down dinner atmosphere, and so it didn’t have some of the bestsellers from their regular food stalls, like their jackfruit burrito. No one eats a burrito in a restaurant! We had a hard time choosing off the superb-sounding menu so we ordered a shittonne as usual.
wingssss? far out!
We started with the chicken wings, because we saw another table eating them and they looked so good. Also come on who on earth would not order the chicken wings? The flavor was really strong and fiery, set off well with some salsa verde. It said it came with pickles but there were just a few pickled onion looking buggers; they should give some more real pickles. The breading was really thick and crunchy, which is super important. However, they were way too salty and the texture was kind of mushy instead of dense and chewy. We asked what they were made of and I think a waitress said chickpea flour?? which would be incredibly surprising because hellooo, use seitan. Even so, they were still really good and we demolished them. If they toned down the salt a bit and added some/more vital wheat gluten (and knead it up please), they would be spectacular.
corn that was buried underground in Chiner for 100 years?
Next we tried one of the most surprisingly impressive things on the menu, possibly my #1 pick of the night, the Mexican street corn. Husband wanted it and I was like, yeah sure whatever, but not too excited for it and I probably would not have ordered it on my own because it’s just corn right and corn is in literally all of our food and in our water I’m pretty sure. Well this was the most interesting and amazing corn, so good that I will go and order it again and again despite getting all the kernel wrappings stuck in my teeth as you do with corn on the cob. It was covered in chipotle mayo, ancho chili, and lime zest. But what really stuck out and grabbed me by the face screaming ‘oh my goodness’ was the impression of fermentation. Immediately I thought of natto, that gross fermented tofu that I know I know is not gross but it sort of is, with that strong smell of edible feet. This corn’s smotherings had that same pungency, that same proffering of gym feet but in a DELICIOUS way. It really stood out as being something special. I know right now my husband is like ‘weirdo I didn’t know you liked it so much it was literally just corn’ but it was truly impressive and truly scrumptious like the flying train boat*.
more china food?
Another great dish was the annato glazed aubergine, with sour cream and coriander. (Aubergine=eggplant.) (Coriander=cilantro.) Annatto is different from the natto mentioned above. It’s like a musky/spicy/sweet powder? and also a food coloring? I don’t really know but it made for really good eggplant. It was warm and heavy in its strong flavor, and kind of sweet and sour, reminiscent of a heavy American Chinese food dish. I would have liked more cilantro with it or maybe an additional sharp and bright something thrown in with it, as it was quite a lot to eat on its own, but it was really good. I would love something like this on top of a baked tofu steak or something, or maybe thrown inside a taco. That would be amazing.
plate o kale
To balance out all the heavy and heavily flavored food, the waitress suggested we get a kale salad, which I’m never one to turn down. It was marinated kale (partly with soy; I only took a half-menu picture oops it was so dark) with pico de gallo and pumpkin seeds, or, as the menu read, “pumkpin seeds”, which is ADORABLE. It was decent, for a basic kale salad, and considering it was offered as merely a palate cleanser, it did its job well. But if they want to elevate it from the salad equivalent of lemon sorbet at a French restaurant to something awesome, I would love some more elements added to it, like tofu croutons or even chunks of other vegetable. It was just really a plate of kale, which I adore, but like not everyone is me.
ceviche! that’s fun to say!
Next we were on to our mains, the tacos. We ordered one of every taco and figured we would share each as they are pretty sizable. First, we got the to-fish ceviche tostada. It was on a super crispy crackery base – tostada! – oozing with tomato salsa and topped with really generous slices of avocado that didn’t make me nauseous as most avocados in England do just at the sight of them and all their mealy stripey horribleness. Club Mexicana finds decent avocados. The fish was delicious. No idea how they make it. I would have asked but again, bar, so loud. I would have loved another big piece of the fish on the shell to balance against the other components and sauces, but everything worked well together as it is. Overall a wonderful dish, bright and citrus-y and spicy without being heavy.
i’m not 100% that this is the right picture but you don’t care
On the opposite side of things – spicy but heavy and dark – we had the jackfruit tinga masa pancake, which was really wonderful. Masa refers to the thick corn base and tinga means it’s made with red or green tomatoes and hot chilis and onions. It costs more than the other tacos but it’s like twice the size (perfect for sharing!) and really substantial. The base is a giant masa pancake that is beyond delicious. They make all the tortillas and bases from scratch, like from shucking their own corn I think, and it really shone through with this one, all fat and awesome. It was smothered with pumpkin (spelled right) seed puree, avocado, salsa verde, coriander and radish. The super heavy spiciness was delicious and reminded me of Indian curry, actually. It needed a little more of the fresheners like cilantro and salsa verde to brighten it up but it was really great.
CURSED LOOKALIKES
Next came the baja to-fish tacos, and I was positively kvelling that they saw we were sharing everything and so sent out two small ones instead of making us be all awkward sharing single tacos. Or so I assumed. We eat grabbed one and ate and enjoyed tremendously. The tortillas on these bad boys were insanely perfect, kind of chunky with coarse cornmeal instead of fine, making a much more interesting shell. The to-fish was great, and the accompaniments were perfect, with pickled red cabbage, avocado, salsa verde, and chipotle chili oil. I could have eaten 10 of them, they were so good. I said “wow the fish is so good! It’s like fishy but not in a gross way,” and my husband said, “um what, this is the carne asada taco clearly!” Then we realized that this was still England, customer service would never be that attuned or generous in any industry, and they just put both the baja to-fish and the carne asada tacos on one plate and failed to tell us or distinguish the two for us. Eye roll eye roll! And by this time it was too late, we had eaten our entire respective tacos. They really looked the same, as anything covered with cilantro does. So mad!! I was incredibly unbelievably full at this point, so I didn’t order a(nother) carne asada after we realized this. Boo urns. Husband said it was really good.
As you know, being food-full is not the same as being done eating because there is always room for dessert! The one dessert on the menu was margarita key lime pie with whipped coconut cream. Yum!! The pie part was pretty good, with a mellow lime flavor and a buttery cookie-like crust. The coconut cream was weirdly not smooth at all, kind of chunky and weird; they should work on that. Honestly I adore coconut cream but this would have been better with ice cream. Or lime sorbet! Or both! But it was still yummy.
So, overall this was a fantastic meal. There are some aspects I would rework and some issues to hammer out, but I definitely want to return, even though I got shorted half a taco due to a lack of communication all around. It’s for sure the most interesting Mexican food for vegans in London, and it’s wonderful if you are on the taco cleanse in the near future, as we all are at some point.
So, overall this was a fantastic meal. There are some aspects I would rework and some issues to hammer out, but I definitely want to return, even though I got shorted half a taco due to a lack of communication all around. It’s for sure the most interesting Mexican food for vegans in London, and it’s wonderful if you are on the taco cleanse in the near future, as we all are at some point.
CLUB MEXICANA AT PAMELA BAR, DALSTON (Haggerston?), LONDON
Water speed: This is where sitting at the bar pays off! We had a carafe and when it was empty (every five minutes) we put it on top of the bar and a new one came like magick. Wheee! I would sit at the bar again for this reason even though I had drinking yoots hanging in my personal space.
Service: Fine, considering how busy they were. Then just the failure to communicate about the two different tacos on the one plate wahhhh sadface.
Bathrooms: It is still a bar, with a bar toilet. Not the worst I’ve seen in bars by far but still.
Food: Overall, great!
Bonus: If you drink, the cocktail menu was maybe even more interesting than the food menu, and I’m sure much harder to decide on as everything sounded awesome.
Water speed: This is where sitting at the bar pays off! We had a carafe and when it was empty (every five minutes) we put it on top of the bar and a new one came like magick. Wheee! I would sit at the bar again for this reason even though I had drinking yoots hanging in my personal space.
Service: Fine, considering how busy they were. Then just the failure to communicate about the two different tacos on the one plate wahhhh sadface.
Bathrooms: It is still a bar, with a bar toilet. Not the worst I’ve seen in bars by far but still.
Food: Overall, great!
Bonus: If you drink, the cocktail menu was maybe even more interesting than the food menu, and I’m sure much harder to decide on as everything sounded awesome.
*if anyone got that reference please tell me and let’s be friends and also I want to shout YES THAT’S IT YOU GOT IT like MK after the other orphan guesses “London Bridge is falling down!”**
**now who got THAT reference??
**now who got THAT reference??
