Broadway's "Dear Evan Hansen": Why Dehydration from Crying is Possible but Worth Itby Randi / May 9, 2017
In my long, extensive history of theatre obsession, I’ve never been as surprised by a show as I was by “Bandstand”. Well at least in the upward direction; I’ve been downward surprised many a time. Considering how few Tony nominations (THEY MEAN NOTHING) it got, how little chatter there was on my online Broadway forums, and how easily I picked up a few rush tickets one afternoon, I didn’t expect much from the new musical. I wanted to see it because I like Laura Osnes, the star, and because I wanted a solid musical to take my sister-in-law to that I hadn’t already seen. Well. Color me thrilled (and badd) because I was sitting there slack-jawed buggy-eyed and wanting SO bad to shout down to the stage “Ohh my god oh my god you guys, this is REALLY GOOD did you know??” I didn’t obviously because I am of sound mind but guys it really was.
“Bandstand”, which has nothing to do with the old Philly-based show “American Bandstand” no matter how badly my parents want it to, tells the story of World War II veterans who return home to Cleveland and form a rocking swing band in order to win a radio competition. That’s the short version I knew going in. What the ads aren’t selling, and what they should be selling, is that the story deals heavily, primarily really, with the PTSD and severe depression the vets are suffering with upon return. And the guilt. So much guilt. It’s so heavy and difficult, watching them struggle to get through each day, singing about how things will be just like they were before but knowing that nothing could ever be like it was before. This group of veterans forms the band not only to win a competition but because it’s the only thing that helps them wake up and get through the day, and playing music is the only time they aren’t completely incapacitated by their demons. The show deals so directly with these serious issues facing veterans, issues that need to be addressed directly in real life but still aren’t, and the show really should be commended for not sugar-coating it at all. In lots of other art it’s like ‘Oh Johnny drinks every night so he can fall asleep without thinking of all he saw over there’ and that’s all that’s said. In this, it’s that plus stories for every character plus visuals like a platoon of dead soldiers crawling over the piano as our lead tries to play, showing how every moment of his new life is weighed down by his experience.Okay so that sounds like a really sad and unenjoyable show, but it’s not. The severity of what they’re dealing with helps connect the audience to the characters really quickly, and from there we are totally with them on the journey as they find something worth living for. And the music is rollicking and fun and really helps lift everyone’s spirits and provide a sense of joy and hope for the characters. I was surprised by how much I enjoyed the swing music considering the last time I listened to it was begrudgingly at school dances in the ‘90s when it was somehow popular at that sort of thing. I mean it’s not wise to compare Broadway musicians to that f-ing horrendous “Zoot Suit Riot” song but still. I’m super impressed by composers Richard Oberacker and Robert Taylor considering I don’t know their previous work.
Right at the start of the show, we are somewhere in the Pacific Ocean with Corey Cott and a group of soldiers in trenches, just when some really bad things are about to happen (we know from lights flashing and then darkness). In another section of the stage, Laura Osnes is at home being a homemaker (we know because she’s wearing an apron) when a man in uniform rings her doorbell to bring her some awful news, and we deduce that her husband was just killed in that attack when she opens the door, sees who it is, and crumples to the ground sobbing. So all of this is happening with just the orchestra playing, no words or anything, and despite the fact that you haven’t met anyone yet and despite being maybe 30 seconds long it’s so well done that you will 100% cry. Osnes is a TRAYSURE, as Emily Gilmore would say.
Then the war is over and Corey Cott’s Donny Novitski made it back home to Cleveland. As the ensemble sings about getting back to normal, we see that Donny clearly is too haunted by his experience to know what normal is. He hears about a radio competition looking for the next big swing band, and he thinks it would sure be swell if the winners were a group of just-returned veterans. He sets about finding amazing musicians who have suitably served enough so that they are all broken (maybe not intentional). Meeting the 6 band members is so much fun. Despite not having tons of lines each, they are all given enough time and room to develop individual characters and really make you understand who they are and what they’re going through. Brandon J. Ellis, as big fun Irishman Davy on bass, is the funniest one, making ridiculous jokes and providing some much needed comic relief, although he’s clearly using humor to mask his pain like he does with alcohol. Most of his jokes were new to me, but I loved when the audience roared at one I knew: “A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his pants. The bartender says ‘hey, you’ve got a steering wheel on your pants.’ ‘Arghh’, the pirate says, ‘and it’s driving me nuts.’” Oh my god it’s so dumb I love it. Davy is full of jokes like this throughout the show, which is much appreciated. At one point, Davy tells the others guys, “I’ve survived mustard gas and pepper spray. I’m really a seasoned vet.” Grooooaaaan/love it.
Another standout of the band was Joe Carroll as Johnny on drums. His short-term memory and ability to socialize normally is shot because he suffered serious brain damage, as he tells you over and over, when his jeep flipped three times during an attack. His story is heartbreaking, but he uses humor well to get through it, and seems so good-hearted that you just want to give him a hug. At one particularly moving moment, he admits that despite his brain damage, he’s the lucky one of the group because he has fewer memories disturbing his mind all day. And the man providing most of my agita was Geoff Packard as Wayne on trombone, who had the most trouble reacclimating and pretending that normal life was normal at all. Part of his morning ritual was cleaning his gun in the bathroom, and I was 100% sure that meant he was going to kill himself by the time the show was over, especially since he seemed to be the most unable to return to everyday life. Thank god it was the one time when Chekhov’s gun was wrong, because his struggle to get to a point where life was bearable, thanks to this group, was one of the most emotional. Alex Bender as Nick on trumpet and a wonderful James Nathan Hopkins as Jimmy on sax round out the really impressive group of musicians, and although we get a lot of expected conflict between the troubled men, watching them struggle through their issues and try to create great music together was wonderful. And in case you think it’s a total feel good story where music solves all their troubles and they end the show super happy and smiley, that’s not the case at all. It just helps them get out of bed, one day at a time. The fight is shown as constant, not one that you can win in one battle but one that you fight on a continuous basis.
By now you’re probably like um where is Laura Osnes in all this besides reigning over everyone like the queen she is? Laura plays Julia Trojan, a name choice I haven’t yet decided how I feel about because it offers a few funny bits but like is it too forced? not sure. Actually it does lead to a stellar display of Laura’s acting in one conversation about it so maybe I’m for it, although the same conversation could have happened with any odd name. Anyway. Donny, as we saw in the opening, was with Julia’s husband when he died. It turns out they had become best friends, and her husband made Donny promise to look after Julia if he died. Later in the show, more comes out about her husband and his death that I could not have seen coming, and through my horror I was more and more impressed at how much this show kept surprising me without sacrificing substance or form. Donny sees Julia sing in church and is blown away like we all are because she can sang, and he asks Julia to sing with him in the band. I’ve seen Corey and Laura before, but their vocals in this show are astounding. You’ve never heard Laura, usually very angelic and sweet-voiced, belt as insanely as she does here, and Corey’s vocal strength constantly wows too. And he’s playing the piano the entire show, which is so impressive. (Or at the very least he’s really convincingly pretending to play the piano.) He needs to be Broadway’s next sure-thang leading man because hot damn, Corey Cott. Hot damn.
In the first act, the show blends the more serious moments with the band’s performances around town as it tries to build up its repertoire and name. These gigs are upbeat and tons of fun, in large part due to the eye-popping choreography. This is when Andy Blankenbuehler, director and choreographer who won the Tony for choreographing “Hamilton” (and “In the Heights”), gets to shine with his crazy (and I mean CAH RAZY) lifts and throws and super frenetic and energetic dancing in the ensemble. Morgan Marcell (who was also in “Hamilton”) fully distracted me from the band’s performing and Laura’s singing during these scenes as she was like doing figure skating spins and throws but like not on ice. I am in awe. Remember the amazing spin Aaron Tveit and Julianne Hough did on “Grease: Live!” during the Hand Jive (should play that exact moment)? The dancing in these gig scenes was like that but more intense and for the entire time. dammmmn. I don’t like spoiling but here is one little sneak peak.
Another thing that helps lift the spirits from super depression is the performance of Beth Leavel as Julia’s mother, who now lives with her widowed daughter. Beth Leavel is pretty big deal in musical theatre, so at first I was kind of like “ughhh we’re at the point where Beth Leavel is getting jobs as the ingénue’s mother onstage for like five minutes?” But, as I should have expected, Beth turns her small-ish role into a hilarious at times, lovely at other times portrayal and really makes her time onstage meaningful. She gets a touching, beautiful song called “Everything Happens”, about how not everything happens for a reason, but it just happens and we have to get through it somehow, and it’s wonderful. A rare occurrence of that sort of honest sentiment. And she gets to be hilarious as promised during a dinner scene, entering silently with a plate of deviled eggs so red that I was struck and distracted by the color from my balcony seat. I just thought oh that’s a weird move by the prop department. But then Julia and Donny stop talking, look to the eggs and then to Beth and she says, “The lid came off the paprika.” Her delivery was so deadpan and amazing that the audience actually broke into applause. So funny.
Despite being a relatively long show (the first act alone is an hour and a half), it felt shorter than most because of how engaging everything was. We’re there every step of the way as the band tries to make it, and more importantly as the guys try to stay in control of their mental states enough to get through a performance. It’s brilliant to see them decide to stop pretending like everything is fine, and that if they are going to sell themselves as a band of vets then they should be singing about real issues vets face. The band’s big song in the radio competition, “Love Will Come and Find Me Again”, is flipping amazing and I cannot wait to get the cast album oh my god they better make a cast album. The melody and the lyrics aren’t revolutionary, but the character’s sharing is, and the song is perfectly catchy and solid and the performance is so exhilarating and gorgeous that you can’t believe any other competitors came close. And their big climactic performance of their very risky song “Welcome Home” is like if anxiety were set to music, kind of hard to listen to but completely on purpose, and so riveting that you’re scared to blink or breathe lest it affect the magic being created. And also you can’t breathe because if you do the breath will catch in your throat and you will sob.
So the music is so much fun and often incredibly moving, the dancing is awesome, the book is more sophisticated and smarter than most, and the performances are wonderful across the board. At first I thought maybe the direction was overdone, because Andy loves him some busy choreo to the point where it’s sometimes distracting (like in Hamilton) but there are so many moments of brilliance. Andy is a stronger choreographer than director, given his background, and at times there probably should have been another voice tempering the movement. What works with his choreography in ensemble numbers is that it’s busy and frenzied and always interesting to watch. In non-dancing moments, that kind of thinking could be too busy, but here it often works, especially with the ghosts of their service haunting the men constantly. It’s a lot, sometimes too much to know what to focus on, but for this particular show it’s effective. Once, during Donny’s big first song, Andy’s signature kinds of movement were obvious (standing with his legs tightly pressed together with bent knees swinging left and right, a little hunched in the back. I feel like that’s how Andy himself is always moving). It was a little distracting because I remember thinking “Oh that looks like Andy!” not exactly the character. There were little moments like that peppered throughout where the movement didn’t match the action or characters. But for the most part, it was nearly flawless staging.
I really can’t get over how impressed I was with it. Even expected tropes like the inevitable budding romance between our two leads as they help each other work through their shared grief is done in a way that keeps it from being predictable. First of all, Laura and Corey’s chemistry is off the charts. It really was remarkable, so strong that when I remembered Laura is married in real life I was like aw. Second of all, it’s not a clear-cut romance in the least. Their big song together, once they’ve grown closer and everyone else knows they have feelings for each other, is not a love song. Instead it’s them admitting that because of who they are and what they’ve gone through, nothing can happen between them. It was so well done and made their story more realistic and emotional.
This is a pretty stellar Broadway season and, even with a lot of good work happening, this ranks up there as one of my top shows of the year. I know, I can’t believe it either. But aside from Act II getting a little loose in the cage, it’s an endlessly enjoyable, thought-provoking, moving, harrowing, and ultimately uplifting show that hits all the marks necessary to make you cry, laugh, and smile a lot. A lot a lot. Now that “Dear Evan Hansen” is sold out for probably as long as the earth has left, this is the show I’m most hoping succeeds. Go buy tickets, everyone, so it doesn’t close because I kind of want to see it again and I can’t go back to NYC until the fall!
THEATRE INFO
Toilets are in the basement, and only in the basement! Luckily there is only one mezzanine level, but still, that means at intermish you are running down two flights of stairs. It moves okay though.
Rush tickets ($30) are generally easy to get. No one is camping out at 4am like for other shows. After those sell out, the box office offers ‘secondary rush’ at $49. These seats actually have a better view than the first wave of rush, so it’s worth the extra money to wait.
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The EMMYS Are Tomorrow Night! Let’s Predict Stuff!
This bitch
The Emmy Awards are tomorrow! Yeah, on a Monday! And still in August! What’s up with that! What the hell? Who decided this? Not that it affects me but I’m sure it affects someone and that’s not right. I hope none of you are working late tomorrow.
Anyway, so we’re here again at this 4-hour dose of crazy called the Emmy Awards, honoring whatever the crap the insane voters (the most insane of any voting body except maybe Florida) want to honor in Television. Television is amazing, by the way. As those of you who actually know me know, if a person doesn’t watch Television I will not know how to converse with said person. But the Emmys don’t really honor the best – if that were true, Tatiana Maslany (of “Orphan Black”) would already have at least one statue, and Steve Carell two. No, even more than the Golden Globes (that’s right, I’m saying it), the Emmys are…whack. Totally whack. Sometimes, the most deserving nominees do win, but the nominations themselves are often ridiculous.*
Anyway, so we’re here again at this 4-hour dose of crazy called the Emmy Awards, honoring whatever the crap the insane voters (the most insane of any voting body except maybe Florida) want to honor in Television. Television is amazing, by the way. As those of you who actually know me know, if a person doesn’t watch Television I will not know how to converse with said person. But the Emmys don’t really honor the best – if that were true, Tatiana Maslany (of “Orphan Black”) would already have at least one statue, and Steve Carell two. No, even more than the Golden Globes (that’s right, I’m saying it), the Emmys are…whack. Totally whack. Sometimes, the most deserving nominees do win, but the nominations themselves are often ridiculous.*
I know what you’re thinking. You’re slowly raising your hand and saying, “Um, excuse me, but the Golden Globes nominations are more nonsensical than the continued popularity of the Ice Bucket Challenge.” Yes, that’s true, but we know the Globes are redonk. We expect the redonk from the Hollywood Foreigners and we LOVE it. The Globes are fun and everyone knows they only exist because the Hollywood Foreigners’ parents are out of town and they want famous people to help them raid the liquor cabinet. But people still consider the Emmys to be meaningful and valuable and, god help us, career defining. The Emmys are tricksters. And, as it reads on the signs in Berlin metro stations, beware of tricksters. Seriously, Steve Carell. Never won. These voters are awful.
So let’s talk about who should win out of this year’s milky-unmixed-cloudy-substance of the crop, and more importantly, who should have been nominated. Full disclosure: I don’t actually watch every Television show there is. Shocking! But I know stuff. Also, Seth Meyers is hosting. I love Seth Meyers, but in things like Weekend Update and especially his White House Correspondent’s Dinner performance, my favorite of all time. I am wary of his being able to match Tina and Amy or Jimmy Fallon, the best Emmy hosts ever, because he doesn’t seem silly. But I have high hopes.
So let’s talk about who should win out of this year’s milky-unmixed-cloudy-substance of the crop, and more importantly, who should have been nominated. Full disclosure: I don’t actually watch every Television show there is. Shocking! But I know stuff. Also, Seth Meyers is hosting. I love Seth Meyers, but in things like Weekend Update and especially his White House Correspondent’s Dinner performance, my favorite of all time. I am wary of his being able to match Tina and Amy or Jimmy Fallon, the best Emmy hosts ever, because he doesn’t seem silly. But I have high hopes.
*I mean, I guess that’s the same for every award out there, but still. E for egregious, Emmy.
**PPS, I’m going to use the f word (well the letter f because I’m a lady) a lot, I predict.
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BEST COMEDY SERIES
SERIOUSLY AMERICA??? F THIS. I am so sick of the lazy voting. It’s like 7 years ago voters checked off ‘annuity’ instead of ‘cash’ for “Big Bang” and “Modern Family” and so their votes get renewed every year without a second thought. Yes, they are funny to some people, but come the f on, Bridget. Even the incredible “Louie” isn’t in there because voters actually watch and respect it; it’s in there every year now because the voters are too lazy to actually see what’s out there and change something. BEST ACTRESS IN A COMEDY
What?? I love Melissa McCarthy and Lena Dunham, but STOP it, voters. Stop voting for the former just because you love her movie work and stop voting for the latter because you love her writing. Voters don’t even watch EITHER of their shows, I guarantee it. How do I know? Because the old people composing this voting group don’t watch “Girls”, and they certainly don’t watch “Molly” because NO ONE DOES. BEST ACTOR IN A COMEDY
UGHHH!!!! Do you know how much it absolutely pains me to admit that Parsons is 99.9% likely to win yet afreakinggain on Sunday? I mean yes he is great and created a wonderful character but ENOUGH. FFS!!!! This entire category is a bunch of lazy recycled flooey. There’s no inspiration, there’s no ingenuity, no real thought evidenced. Same old same old, maybe some new but not really, lazy lazy lazy. My vote would have been for…none of these. It would have been for Chris Messina of “The Mindy Project”. He is PERFECTION. Seriously, do you watch it? I’m not just saying that because Mindy Kaling has written the most perfect romantic comedy leading man in a long time. He is a fantastic actor and he brings out genius and emotion in every single line. “I’ll have whatever gave her an orgasm!” will stand as the best paraphrase of all time. OF ALL TIME. How many times did you rewind the airplane scene? Did it even compare to how many times you watched the part where he tries to dress like Bradley Cooper for Mindy? OR WHEN HE DANCED??? Seriously. SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A COMEDY
I partly love this group and partly hate. Oh my lordy lord why is Julie Bowen nominated every year? It’s like her name was written in permanent marker on the dry erase board and no one can get it off so they’re like eh whatever, she’s good, let it stay up there. BUT COME ON. She’s good but she’s been doing the same thing for like 14 seasons and there is so much new fresh talent out there that deserves recognition. Also she scares me. SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A COMEDY
Last year, Tony Hale’s surprise win was one of the very best moments. Everyone loves Baby Buster, and he’s the easiest pick for the lazy voters this year because of that moment. (He also would definitely deserve it, because he submitted the nosebleed episode.) Andre might sneak in to win it, as his foray into comedy is what made B99 a success thus far. The “Modern Family” nominations are driving me absolutely bonkers and I can’t deal with them any longer. Stop it. I’m excited for Adam Driver but not for this past season. Maybe for next season. And who doesn’t like Fred Armisen (I mean I’m sure tons of people?) but…who besides vegans watches “Portlandia”? |
BEST DRAMA SERIES
Lazy lazy lazy, stick your head in gravy, ashes, ashes, you should all fall down. “Downton Abbey”? Give me a f-ing break! The first two seasons, sure, they were deserving of a nomination. But no more! Please, no more! America! You must get over this blind obsession with all this British! Ugh! Also, it’s a comedy. Watch it as a comedy and your mind will be blown. It should switch places with OITNB because the latter deserves to be in this category. BEST ACTRESS IN A DRAMA
Oh man are you as sick as I am of the lazy Michelle Dockery nomination every year? I just don’t get it. And “Homeland” gosh it feels like that hasn’t been on for years. That of course shouldn’t determine anything, but Claire has won a bunch and I like socialism in my awards. Julianna Margulies and Robin Wright are consistently awesome, but I just don’t see either of them winning. My vote would be for the ridiculously amazing and gorgeous Kerry Washington, who last year made cryface even better (and more often!) than Claire Danes. She should have won last year, especially after her co-presenter Diane Carroll pretty much said “Hey babe you’re gonna win later tonight” and then she LOST. That’s embarrassing. But I think Lizzy Caplan gets it this year because she’s on a new buzzy show that probably won’t win elsewhere (because it’s not nominated elsewhere). And come on, who doesn’t want Janis Ian to win? BEST ACTOR IN A DRAMA
Oh my god, if Jeff Daniels wins again I think every head in that theatre will explode. How crazy was that last year? And not good crazy. Crazy crazy. Woody Harrelson deserved a nod for his stint as Nathan “I’ve got my spleen money” NoLastName on “Will & Grace” but I don’t feel it here. And how nice would it be if Jon Hamm, always excellent but always a bridesmaid, finally finally won? He won’t though. Kevin Spacey deserves a win, but this race is between Cranston and McConaughey. Honestly, if McConaughey wins an EMMY the same year he won an OSCAR (over Chiwetel FFS!!!) I think my skin may just fall off. I guess we’ll see, because there’s actually a strong chance he’ll beat the favoritest Cranston for his final season as the most lovable (?) meth dealer in history on “Breaking Bad”. BB will either sweep its categories in a wave of final respects, or it’ll lose all its categories. Or something in between. SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A DRAMA
Ok. Deep breaths. Yes, Frogwoman and McGonagall are inexplicably nominated AGAIN for that show about annoying Brits. Jesus H! Maggie Smith has like 3 lines per season. I love Maggie so much, who doesn’t, but come the f on. 3 lines. And she’s won for this show like multiple times! And she’s never there to accept it! Move onnnnn Emmy voters! Move onnnnnn! Stop worrying if your vision is new/let others make that decision/they usually do/just keep moving onnnnnn! SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A DRAMA
Okay, I’m not actually angry about this category. In fact, I think it is the only category this year that isn’t giving me agita. I would be happy with 3 of these guys winning, and that’s not even including the one I bolded above. (But let’s get that lazy “Downton” vote out of there first.) |
WHAT ELSE CAN YOU EXPECT?
Expect a win for Jimmy Fallon’s first season on “The Tonight Show” and a sheeeettonneeeee for “The Normal Heart”. It wasn’t even half as brilliant and wrenching and soul-shattering as the last Broadway revival and still it was one of the best things on Television all season.
Do not expect a musical number.
Expect a directing win for none other than two-time Oscar winner Jodie Foster, for her direction of OITNB. Maybe she will EGOT? Can she sing?
Do not expect anyone to mention Lin-Manuel Miranda’s win at the Creatives last week, making him one of the few people who already have 3 of the 4 trophies necessary for an EGOT. He’s gonna do it. I can feel it.
Expect someone to present obviously drunk and for twitter to explode about it. And for the best part of the night to be the Best Actress in a Comedy nominees doing something silly as their category is announced.
ENJOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Expect a win for Jimmy Fallon’s first season on “The Tonight Show” and a sheeeettonneeeee for “The Normal Heart”. It wasn’t even half as brilliant and wrenching and soul-shattering as the last Broadway revival and still it was one of the best things on Television all season.
Do not expect a musical number.
Expect a directing win for none other than two-time Oscar winner Jodie Foster, for her direction of OITNB. Maybe she will EGOT? Can she sing?
Do not expect anyone to mention Lin-Manuel Miranda’s win at the Creatives last week, making him one of the few people who already have 3 of the 4 trophies necessary for an EGOT. He’s gonna do it. I can feel it.
Expect someone to present obviously drunk and for twitter to explode about it. And for the best part of the night to be the Best Actress in a Comedy nominees doing something silly as their category is announced.
ENJOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
“Oslo” on the West End: The Emperor’s New Clothes But For Theatre
Wooot! It’s Theatre Thursday y’all! Today we talk about “Oslo” which is now at the Harold Pinter Theatre on London’s West End. I wish I left at intermission.
Remember how mad I got at Birdman? Because it was so artsy fartsy without really saying anything worthwhile and I seemed to be the only person who didn’t think it was Jesus in movie form? It’s absolutely nothing compared to my anger at “Oslo”. I would vote for Birdman right now for this year’s Oscars ffs. At least Birdman had objectively good acting and objectively impressive cinematography. “Oslo” has none of that. It is a mess of terrible writing (terrible!), awful overacting (awful!), and obvious lack of any editing (obvious!). But worst of all, it wastes the opportunity of writing great art based on this subject matter, AND, because it is important subject matter, it seems to have tricked everyone into assuming that it is indeed great art. The greatest trick the devil ever played is convincing everyone in theatre that “Oslo” is quality.
Remember how mad I got at Birdman? Because it was so artsy fartsy without really saying anything worthwhile and I seemed to be the only person who didn’t think it was Jesus in movie form? It’s absolutely nothing compared to my anger at “Oslo”. I would vote for Birdman right now for this year’s Oscars ffs. At least Birdman had objectively good acting and objectively impressive cinematography. “Oslo” has none of that. It is a mess of terrible writing (terrible!), awful overacting (awful!), and obvious lack of any editing (obvious!). But worst of all, it wastes the opportunity of writing great art based on this subject matter, AND, because it is important subject matter, it seems to have tricked everyone into assuming that it is indeed great art. The greatest trick the devil ever played is convincing everyone in theatre that “Oslo” is quality.
This seriously revered (and mind-bogglingly so) play by J.T. Rogers tells the behind-the-scenes drama of the secret meetings in the development of the Oslo Peace Accords, between representatives of Israel and the Palestinian Liberation Organization. Pretty important subject matter, right? and rife with dramatic potential. “Oslo” premiered in New York a few years ago, transferred to Broadway, and won the Tony for Best New Play. The importance of the subject matter apparently blinded audiences into thinking the play itself was good, and because they were just like oh this is good I’m having fun, the potential was squandered because no one will ever write a play about this again. This amazingly interesting idea for a play will never get to be fully realized into the strong work it deserves because the shit that was churned out first won the Tony and who on earth is going to write a new version when the old one won a Tony! Grahhhh. We all lose when audiences aren’t critical.
But of course we had no idea that “Oslo” was going to be the theatre equivalent of a chicken in a magician’s hat and everyone including the chicken is like ‘what, no’ when we excitedly bought tickets and when we excitedly went to the theatre and when we excitedly pranced about the lobby before the show started. I had heard such good things and hellooo it won the Tony! How many times am I going to say that, I hear you asking? I get it, it won the Tony! Well I just still can’t believe it. I’ve been against some Tony wins in the past – David Hyde Pierce for “Curtains” over Raul Esparza for “Company”, anyone at all over Rachel Bay Jones for “Pippin” – but those winners were still deserving as hell, they just weren’t my vote. But “Oslo” winning anything but a Razzie is like when Joe Fox’s child-aunt sings “Tomorrow” while his new temporary stepmother makes a pass at him. JUST A LOT OF NO.
Anyway so there we were all hyped up for some Middle East peace process goodness preshow when I realized that the Harold Pinter Theatre in London was CHOCKABLOCK full of every Jew in Europe, squashed into the poorly designed too-small lobby like sardines, which old Jews love. Oh my goodness I don’t think I saw that many Israelis when I was IN Israel. I was happy at first because I like to force a camaraderie with my fellows when Nazis are back in power but then the whole theatre started smelling like Yom Kippur breath and that’s hard to get past.
Still I couldn’t wait to be blown away by the intellect and the intrigue and the excellent writing I expected. The show began, I was so revved up to be smacked in the face with genius…and then the old lady next to me – NEXT TO ME – took out her tote bag, pulled out a plastic bag, and out of that pulled two very tightly wrapped sandwiches with some sort of mayo-based salad, probably chicken given the demographics. So those of you who know me know that I am not only Theatre Police, I’m regular Theatre Police’s worst nightmare. I grab phones out of hands, I get ushers to admonish talkers, I jump out of my seat to tell people to get in line or gtfo. Boorish behavior at the theatre drives me insane. I just want people to not behave like monsters; is that so much to ask? So the fact that this sandwich-eating monster who thinks it’s okay to whip out a plastic-wrapped sandwich and slowly unwrap it and then munch on it IN THE THEATRE was NEXT TO ME was like the universe getting drunk and seeing how crazy they could make me while it watches, cracking up while eating potato chips and laughing to universe friends going ‘LOOK AT ‘ER LOOK AT ‘ER SHE’S GONNA LOSE IT’. That’s how I pictured the universe at this moment. I honestly almost stood up and shouted “oh THIS is the bad place!” If Ted Dansen wanted to torture me for eternity this was the brilliant way to do it. I was frozen for a minute as I just sat horrified that someone was actually doing this not only in the theatre but next to me of all people, before I gathered my wits and whispered ‘omg stop’. She didn’t hear me, of course, what with her loud chewing blocking any sound from entering her ears. A kindred spirit in the row in front of us and a few seats down kept turning around in shock to stare at this brazenly bad behavior, making eye contact with me and we shook our heads in disbelief and disgust together. Friends! I tried again: ‘please put that away’. Old sandwich lady seemed completely shocked that anyone would have a problem with an audience member sitting in the fourth row center of the orchestra, right where the actors look most of the time, proudly eating a chicken salad sandwich in the middle of a drama about the motherfreaking Middle East. She stopped but still, the damage was done. She and her even older husband talked a lot during the show too. “WHAT DID HE SAY?” “HE SAID HE’S TIRED, RIGHT? TIRED.” I mean me too lady.
Amid all the old people conversations and the bursts of Yom Kippur breath hitting us like hot air darts from absolutely nowhere (it was horrid), we tried to focus on the play, and we really tried to love it even a smidgen as much as we had hoped to. It tells the story of two Norwegian diplomats, Mona Juul and Terje Rod-Larsen (obviously their names are properly spelled with some fun Scandinavian alphabet marks that I’m not going to bother to find and add in because this show isn’t worth the effort), who organize secret negotiations between representatives sent by Israeli PM Yitzhak Rabin and PLO chairman Yassir Arafat in 1993, keeping their experiment a secret from the rest of the world. Everything could have gone wrong, and a lot did, but the Norwegian couple risked everything to try to get people from both sides to talk to each other as fellow human beings, to find some common ground, and to reach agreements on important issues using Terje’s newfangled methods, which are never explained in the show but apparently work. We meet frumpy Jews, slick Matrix-wannabe Jews, friendly Arabs, scary stoic Arabs, all the various, passionate players in these backdoor dealings, all trying to behave somewhat peaceably and fairly while aiming for a win for their side.
It could have been so moving, so important and dramatic and educational.
Instead, it’s a total shitshow of immature writing, overacting, lack of edits, and stupid jokes aimed at super old uncritical audiences. It sounds so great but the stellar idea had its potential completely destroyed in the execution. It was like The Big Bang Theory of theatre, aimed at the lowest common denominator – incredibly basic and unsophisticated and barely shooting above the baseline but still capable of winning lots of awards (and viewers and money and acclaim). But the difference is that I sometimes laugh at Big Bang, It can be funny despite its uninspired attempts at easy humor (not to mention its sexism and racism). “Oslo” is worse than Big Bang in every way – writing, directing, acting, enjoyment. I know, I can’t believe I’m saying this either, that a Tony-winning play is so much worse than the most insipid show on TV in recent years. But it’s true.
A huge problem with “Oslo”, besides everything I already mentioned, is that despite the subject matter being such a selling point for it, it doesn’t have any faith in it. The writer and everyone in the creative team apparently didn’t believe that it could stand as an important show because they cram it full of the worst jokes you’ve ever heard, I guess to keep the older-skewing audience thinking they’re having fun. When the Israelis were talking about potential representatives to send, one would say “Oh he can’t handle it – he’s from HAIFA!” and the oldest, deafest Jews in the audience would roar with laughter while I sat there just jaw-dropped from disbelief at how bad these would be even for Borscht Belt comedy acts. Or when in the middle of talking about important issues, one guy would make a joke about how he loves gefilte fish and everyone would laugh simply because he said gefilte fish and old Jewish men think that’s the funniest thing to talk about. I cannot. There was also an extended bit when the Norwegian chef of Mona and Terje tell the guests how she makes her waffles. It was tortuous enough to put you off waffles for good, and I love waffles. I thought my husband’s head was going to explode during that part. He didn’t say anything – he knows me; even in the worst of shows you behave – but I could sense the heat coming off the whirring of his brain cells as they tried with all their might to keep the blood in the head.
Aside from the very, very dumb jokes…no, none of it was any better. The negotiation scenes should have been strong, but the writing, oh god it was so weak. You know from reading my travel posts how much I love cursing, right? I do it a lot. I am not shy about it and I appreciate when cursing is used well. This play is the best case I’ve ever seen for outlawing cursing in all forms. It was so frustrating how poorly it used what could be a great tool. How do you ruin that? They would shoehorn the f word into almost every sentence, and it never made sense or sounded good or worked to increase drama. It just sounded stupid. “Let’s get these fucking talks going.” “I only have fucking until six o’clock.” “I’m fucking hungry let’s get the fucking dinner.” These aren’t exact quotes but they are decent examples of how poorly written this show was. How can you be so bad at cursing? And that wasn’t the only tool that was so overused that it became a shivering pile of ash that only hinted at once being metal. The actors shouted 98% of their lines. When everything is shouting, there’s nowhere to build, and so nothing stands out as being dramatic or important. You can’t start at 10 and then have nowhere to build when you are talking about the Middle East. The only result of all the shouting and screaming was that I tuned everything out, which I doubt was the intent.
Even more frustrating and tasteless was how the sole important woman was treated – and that the creators I doubt even realize how it came across. Every single time a man entered the room, they would comment on how great Mona was and how she was such a wonderful woman. Every single time, they would single out her as a the sole woman and point out how they wished she could be their wife. Always in a jovial, friendly manner, always so easygoing as to make most of the audience (and I’m guessing the playwright) assume that this was just men being friendly. But it came across to us, woke af millennials, as so despicably sexist, so demeaning to this woman who was A DIPLOMAT, equal in importance if not more so to her diplomat husband and colleagues, that it makes me fear that every man involved in the creation of this show is indeed a good ol’ boy type of sexist, not even realizing when they are being disgusting to women.
The saddest thing about this show, aside from the fact that the peace talks obviously didn’t really do much, was that it was artless. Theatre is art, and this clumsy, vulgar attempt was so completely devoid of any merit that it made me sad for this great love of mine. Well not completely devoid – Peter Polycarpou, always terrific, is the best part of this production. His acting as Ahmed from the PLO was somehow able to shine past the terrible writing he was given. But that’s really it. I cannot believe my beloved Barlett Sher directed this mess. He really needs to stick to golden age musicals starring Kelli O’Hara. It breaks my art that this show is so bad because it’s the worst kind of badness – the insidious kind, that no one else believes you about. Everyone – LITERALLY everyone else – thinks this show is amazing. The show SHOULD be amazing! I wanted it to be! I guess the silver lining is that we haven’t lost our critical sense yet?
The best part was when we both broke our rules. At the end, they do that awful ‘what happened next to every character?’ bit that is soooo annoying usually but you can give a pass when it’s about real-life people (and in Legally Blonde). But they had all the side characters do their what-I-did-next bits too! That is unnecessary. When one lady who had LITERALLY one line had her turn and said ‘I had a heart attack and I died’ we both suppressed (or tried to at least) guffaws and I kind of whispered ‘good’. This show is so bad it makes me awful. When the raucous applause finally died down, my husband and I looked at each other in disbelief. Husband had the best line we heard the entire night: “Oh that was so bad…oh I’m so unhappy!” And then we cracked up for like 10 minutes as we shook our heads at the rest of the world.
INFORMATION
The play is terrible, but at least it’s overly long!! The first act is an hour and 15 minutes. The second? AN HOUR AND 45 MINUTES. OH THISSS IS THE BAD PLACE!
STAGEDOOR
lol no.
