Getting Swole: SIMPLE Protein-Packed Chocolate Peanut Butter Cupsby Randi / May 11, 2018
Finally, oh dear god finally, we have reached the final overnight train of our 15 week Eurasian sabbatical. And it was a doozy. I guess you can’t peter out with a whimper, you gotta go out with a big bada boom. Not only did we have to share the cabin with a crazy lady, but we also had dirty sheets, smoky air, a customs border stop, AND a bogie change! You know how much I love bogie changes! If you don’t remember, that’s when they replace the wheels to account for changing tracks and it takes forever and the bathrooms are locked during it and it’s so loud so you can’t sleep through it and it’s all just a BIG OLD MESS OF FUN it’s not fun. I was just hoping that our destination, Warsaw, Poland, would be worth it, and by (prince) George it really, truly, incredibly was. But still this journey BAH LEW. Let’s check in with the little baby laptop.
Dear little baby laptop diary,
I’m on my last overnight train! At least for this trip! You know we will take them again soon I’m sure but I expect least a few months where I don’t have to ‘sleep’ on dirty sheets with strangers and smoke all around while I have to pee really badly and I am ready for that. This final journey leaves Kyiv/Kiev at 4:41 and arrives in Warsaw at about 8am. Well we aren’t terribly sure what time we arrive at our actual destination because the schedule has no less than SIX (6!!!) ‘Warsaw’ related stops listed! Three of them just say Warsaw but are 10 minutes apart? The others I think are the names of other train stations in Warsaw but ahh. The Warsaw group of stations span from 7:53 am arrival to 8:30 so we hope to find someone who can help ensure we don’t get off in the North Philly part when we want the 30th Street part. The schedule also says that the border crossing stop will only be an hour and fifteen minutes, which is entirely doable for my bladder. Huzzah and hooray! Also we don’t have any stops in Ukraine the entire way from Kyiv to the border, which we should reach about midnight, so that’s a solid 7 hours of relaxation time without worrying about bathrooms closing.
Well, little baby laptop with your balled-up fists pawin’ at the air, I spoke too soon, as I usually do. To start, the cabin does not have the beds on both sides as usual. No, it’s a triple where all the beds are stacked on top of each other so the room is teeeeeny tiny, as you can see above in the very badly lit photo. That tiny corner tabletop sticking out under the side of the window is the other wall, so you can see that there was barely enough room to stand between the edge of the bed flats and the wall let alone feel free to move about the cabin. Normally this would be fine if it were just Z and me in there, but we were sharing with a stranger. And not just any stranger, a Ukrainian who I’m gonna say was named Bianca. She was probably late 30s-40, she was blonde (as our Russian teacher would have snidely called her a ‘blondinchka’), and she talked more than anyone I’ve ever met in my life. Luckily we had the bottom and middle bed flats so we didn’t have to make Bianca’s unenviable climb to the rafters for her bed, but this setup meant that until bedtime, we all had to sit on that one bottom bunk together. And sitting close together means, to Bianca at least, that you have to talk. I didn’t even look at my Kindle for four hours.
She did not stop talking. I’m not much of a talker myself but this was beyond normal human levels of communication. She was Ukrainian but dating a man in Warsaw and I think the man was English or at least does a lot of business in England. So she was excited to talk to us about London, which she has been to many times. Bianca talked about their relationship, how long they’ve been together and where she hopes it goes even though we are STRANGERS. She said he’s in the restaurant business so they get to eat at all the most famous restaurants in England and Europe and if this were a normal conversation I would have asked if any were the restaurants that we’ve eaten at or heart of but I didn’t have the strength to attempt interrupting her and what’s more I really didn’t care. We learned all about the types of cars she has ridden in and which ones her boyfriend owns or plans to buy. I feel like she is probably having an affair with a married guy?
It was all so annoying but relatively innocuous at first, but as she got more comfortable/ran out of other words, she spoke about matters that revealed she was a HUGE F-ING RACIST and prejudiced against literally every disadvantaged group. So fun to realize that you are trapped in a box with a bigot for twelve more hours, right??? I just sat there and took notes on what she was saying the entire time so nb that these are all her words. She told us about the president of Belarus and how great he is, because he will fly around his country to see if people are farming (as they are supposed to) and if he sees anyone on a farm who is not working hard, he will throw them in prison and maybe that’s what Ukraine needs to be a stronger richer country! “This is great and smart job!” she told us. Then she told us how she saw a black lady in London who paid black men to have babies with her every year so she could keep collecting benefits and we were DONE with this bullshit by this point so Z explained (he was trying so hard not to scream) how that is one of the most trotted out Tory lies in their attempt shore up support in their (horrid) base for getting rid of social welfare. She didn’t really get the hint that we were Not Interested In Shittalking Minority Groups so she then told us about a group of Jews from Israel that she saw in a Polish airport. These Jews, she told us, had curly hairs (perish the thought!) and costumes (like Slutty Nurse?) and they smelled awful (true) and prayed together (you don’t fucking say) with everyone watching like it was a big to-do and now she doesn’t need to go to the circus because she saw that. So I responded “yeah all religion is super crazy right and every religion’s traditions are like a big show” and made her agree that way which felt like as big a win as I could get under the circumstances since she was clearly an Orthodox Jesus-lover of some sort. Ughhhh.
I would have taken even more bathroom breaks than necessary but it was not exactly comfortable in there. You know how most public restroom stalls are so poorly designed that you have to like squeeze around the toilet in order to open/close the door because people who get hired to do ONE JOB are incompetent? Well here you had to somehow squeeze behind the toilet in order to get inside and close the door. Brushing your teeth was not fun in there.
We got ready for bed finally, and shooed Bianca up to her loft hoping that it would make her quiet. The sheets are wet and smell like pee so that’s super fun. Gotta go out with a bang on this final overnighter! As much as I would have hated being on the top of the triple decker, and as much as I needed to be on the bottom because of my bathroom use, it was really scary to be down there. There was only about a foot and a half of space between my bed and Z’s – if I bent my knees they’d hit his bunk – and with two whole adult humans above me on those creaking flats that we put into place, I was pretty nervous that everything would come crashing down.
We slept a little and were woken up when we reached the border. And not that I should be surprised, but the schedule was FULL OF LIES. It wasn’t an hour. Ukrainian exit itself was two hours! We got to that stop at 12:30 am and stayed until 2:30 am because there was a bogie change. Arghhhh. It was incredibly loud and crazy to begin with, but then we heard men outside the cabin unscrewing stuff. We opened the door and saw guards taking the train apart – unscrewing wall panels, ceiling structures, taking the doors off, every single thing as they searched for contraband. I guess smuggling goods is big here as you get into the EU but damn them guards are THOROUGH. They’re literally taking the train apart before even looking at our passports! Screws were falling everywhere, clattering against the floors and walls. And I had to peeeeee.
Finally they came into our cabin and a mean lady made me take Z’s giant bag out from under my bed and unpack it, like all the way down to the ramen. She paused, deliberating whether the ramen was worth fighting, decided it wasn’t, and then left. It’s all such a ridiculous process. The schedule had said that customs would be finished at 3:10am but we didn’t even get there until 3:15am so I realized I had forgotten about time changes and stuff. Blahhhh what a night.
BUT WE’RE DONE! We landed, figured out which Warsaw we wanted of the six, and we were back in the EU! Hello! No more overnight trains! At least for the next few months! We felt like home was getting closer and closer, especially when the Warsaw train station greeted us with this:
We don’t even have Dunkin’ in London and they don’t even sell anything I want but still, home-y.
Man we were so tired so we tried to get an Uber, but because of how confusingly the streets around the station are laid out, the Uber couldn’t find us! So we had to cancel that and try another one gahhh Uber sucks but it was our only decent option right then. Finally one came and took us to our hostel, Dream Hostel Warsaw, which we had to walk the final bit of the way to get to because of the layout of the streets there. Ack Warsaw what is with your streets? We were so cranky and everything seemed to be going wrong, especially when we were told at the hostel that the room would not be ready for 4-5 hours. I wanted to cry. Traveling for so long is EXHAUSTING.
Luckily, Warsaw was worth all of this initial b.s. It was one of my favorite destinations, although it might all be due to finding the vegan pierogie place. Stay tuned for the next few posts, which will be objectively happier. Okay maybe not the one where we talk about the history but the food one for sure!
BYE TRAINS! *Phoebe whisper* forever.
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Wadi Shab is Gorges: My Favorite Place in Oman (+ Bimmah Sinkhole!)
I can’t even begin to explain how nervous I was to trek into Wadi Shab. Before our Oman trip, we’d found a very detailed blog post from another travel blogger about how the hiking route through the cliffs to get to the wadi is completely unmarked and so they went the wrong way, and ended up at the top of super steep sheer cliff face that they had to, terrifyingly, scale down as people yelled at them to ‘go back!’ but there was no way back. I mean. I was pretty sure I was going to die, and all because of idiot other travel bloggers. (What have I BEEN SAYING about the quality of other travel bloggers. I am throwing so much shade right now my head hurts. SHAAAADE.) Seriously, this was one of the easiest hikes, and for the G-D LIFE of us, neither Z nor I could figure out how you could possibly take a wrong turn. These other travelers almost scared me away from my very favorite experience for no good reason. LE. SIGH.
Now that we’ve established that other people are the worst, let’s talk about the magical Wadi Shab, a place so beautiful and so fun that it’s one of the most popular attractions in Oman. It’s about a 90-minute drive from Muscat (which you learned all about yesterday), on really nice modern roads that were never crowded. You’re probably asking right now, “What is a wadi? Also what is a shab? Also what is a wadi shab?” A wadi is a valley, and sometimes it means a dry riverbed that fills with water during the rainy season. A shab, I don’t know, I think it’s simply the name of this wadi. A Wadi Shab is a magic land of gorges and canyons and caverns along a river that culminates in 3 freshwater pools in the middle of the canyon, and the last pool you swim to is inside a cave, and it has a waterfall. It’s magical wonderfulness. A cave of wonders, if you will. I’ll tell you everything you need to know!
Before you leave your hotel/house, pack a small backpack with snacks, water, sunscreen, a hat, sunglasses, and water shoes (which we happily picked up at the Dubai Mall!). Bring enough rial in cash to cover the boat fees (below) but not much more, because you’ll be leaving all your shit out in the open at one point (below too). WEAR A BATHING SUIT under your trekking clothes – there is no place to change – and wear sneakers or trekking shoes too. Leave a dry change of clothes in the car if you can.
NO NOT ME TO THE RIGHT OF ME!
okay I guess it’s technically Wadi al-Shab but everyone and everything calls it Wadi Shab so I am not a bad person
To get to Wadi Shab, you either rent a car (which honestly you should be doing anyway for sightseeing around Muscat or anywhere else in Oman, unless you’re staying the entire time inside a resort which like, why) or you can book a tour with a group, but that means other people and other people’s time frame which sounds terrible. There are road signs for it, and any GPS/google maps should know the way (yes our google maps finally started working the day after we arrived; it just wanted us to have that initial nighttime terror leaving the airport). Once you arrive, you park in the small parking lot along the riverbank.
Guess what they have in the parking lot area: TOILETS! HERCALEES HERCALEES!!!
Leave your change of clothes and any other money and any extra phones and cameras in your car! Bring your day pack with water and snacks and water shoes, your car keys, and one photo-taking device, just in case your shit gets stolen you don’t want to lose all your phones. (It won’t get stolen though; everyone leaves all their stuff by the pools it’s fine.)
Sitting on the bank will be a group of locals. They’re in charge of the river crossing. So, you park on this (left) side of the river, but the attraction part is on the right side of the river, the canyon hike and the magic pools, so they bring you across the river in a quick little boat ride (you can see the quick little boats in the picture). If I recall accurately (lol watch me be wrong and pulling a total Josh’s college girlfriend saying “um I think I recall Hamlet accurately” and BEING WRONG UGH), it was 1 Omani rial per person per way, and that’s all you pay for the whole shibang, there’s no ticket office or anything to go explore nature, so it was 4 rial total for this BEST DAY EVER. This parking side of the river has a food and drink stand with bottled drinks and snacks.
So you pet the dog, you say yo what up to the goat (you gotta read the captions), and you cross the river in the little boat. Oh we’ve got an action shot:
And then you’re on the other side (I’m on the east side, I’m on the west side!) ready to start the hike. It takes about 40 minutes to get to the interior canyon pools (do these phrases sound right), and the first 10 minutes or so are totally flat, just walking along the river and along the base part of the gorges. Then it starts to get freeeeakay! But in a completely doable way, not in a scary or difficult-to-maneuver way like inferior blogs would have you believe.
Despite the high numbers of tourists who also have this on their to-do list, it didn’t feel overly crowded at all. In fact, while all the visitors on the day you go will likely convene at the main swimming part at the same time (as you can spend however much time you want there), the hike to the interior of the valley plus parts of the swimming holes (“I call it my swimming hole” – Mindy St. Clair in Oman) were empty for us, which added to how incredible it all was.
Once the flat part of the hike through the canyons is over, you start climbing up and around the rocks, but none of it is very tricky or difficult if you are in average shape and don’t have mobility issues. The path is marked by painted black arrows on the larger rocks at times, but at other times the path is straightforward just by using common sense: “Hmm, there’s no arrow here. Do I go up this set of rocky stairs or DOWN INTO THE RAVINE?” Seriously there was never a moment where the right choice was unclear.
Because it’s a wadi, some of the walking path surrounds water, as it’s traveling to the main part of the river you start at. Oh a good rule of thumb is to follow the black pipes.
You do this climby rocky bit for about a half hour, and then, and then, and gentlemen and then, you are greeted with this:
You come around a rocky bend and voila! You’ve reached the magic swimming pools inside the gorge! After a mostly solitary hike, you’ll be like ‘oh HERE’S all the people!’ As you can see, they are all leaving their bags and shoes along these side rocks, and you do the same. There are enough people – and enough tour guides who do this everyday telling you it’s fine – that you shouldn’t really worry about your belongings. Leave your packs, your hiking shoes, and your clothes (you have your bathing suit on already right?? this is where’d you would have to change), put on your water shoes (you really want water shoes for the rocky bottoms of these pools) and get to swimming for however long you have!
Since this is where the swimming begins, this is where the photos end, sadly. You’ll have to go to see what it’s like in the rest of the pools and the cave! (Or find someone who wisely took a waterproof GoPro. I’ll get one someday okay.) This first pool is fairly deep, as you can see. You can stand for some of it but you do need to know how to swim to go any farther. The second pool is mostly walking through shallow water, which is why you want to bring those water shoes – it’s all tiny rocks which really hurt our soft Western feet (as a guide in Burma once told us we had. She wasn’t wrong.)
The third pool is the magic wonder shiz, though. It’s quite deep – you have to swim – but you are swimming to a cave! There’s a small hole that might be scary if you have claustrophobia or ya know any run of the mill fear of drowning, but you swim through the hole and then you are in the cave with a waterfall! It’s so freaking cool. There are some ledges and hanging rock bits around the cave to hang on to when you need a rest, so don’t worry about getting tired out. If you want the opposite of a rest, there are ropes hanging down the rocks of the waterfall, so some absolutely bonkers adventure seekers among you can try your best to climb up it, land on the slippery rocks up top with the water gushing over them, and jump off into the pool of the cave. Someone tried this while I was there and it seemed terrifying and painful, so, yeah. This guy also had his phone with him in a ziplock bag. Fun fact, he left Wadi Shab with a totally forked phone.
At one point, we were completely alone in that cave, which sounds kind of scary but we knew more people would be swimming in soon. But during that time, it was one of those ‘holy crap are we really here experiencing this?’ kinds of moments. It’s absolutely wonderful.
When you’re done (be mindful of the opening hours so you don’t miss the last boats!), you do it all in reverse, say goodbye to the animals, pee again, and – if you’ve planned your day properly – you drive a short distance to the next swimming adventure.
BIMMAH SINKHOLE
About a 20 minute drive from Wadi Shab is the Bimmah Sinkhole, a water-filled sinkhole by definition but a shimmering turquoise underground lake by mine. It’s back towards Muscat, which is perfect. It’s best to hit the sinkhole after Wadi Shab, on the way back to Muscat, since you’ll already be in your wet bathing suit, rather than on the way from Muscat, since if you swim in the sinkhole first you’ll have to do the Wadi Shab hike all wet both ways.
Fun fact: the Bimmah Sinkhole ALSO HAS A TOILET! What is this amazing new world! It’s also in a sort of park looking jawn, with children’s playground equipment randomly here and there. There is fencing around the top of the sinkhole so lots of people will be taking pictures of the swimmers below. When you’re ready, you leave all your stuff in the car this time (all of it; there’s really nowhere to put anything), climb down the stairs and get in that water! It’s such a beautiful place to swim.
The water was filled with those little biting fish which was funny, if weird. Despite being pretty well-known and touristed, the pool itself was never too crowded.There were all these little nooks and crannies in the rocks to explore, like little caves and enclaves. It was a lovely swim!
So that’s my favorite day in Oman! We got back to Muscat tired but happy, and ready for an amazing dinner at my favorite restaurant in Muscat: a falafel stand called Arax. More on that in the next travel post, all about the food and hotels in Muscat (including our own little resort stay! (yes I talked shit about staying in resorts but I mean ONLY staying in resorts, clearly we did all the things first!)).
Zhangye Danxia, China: The “One Beautiful Place in West of China”
When we were planning our almost-month-and-a-half in China, I chose a few places I wanted to go and added them to our ever-growing list of possibilities: Huangshan which we did and which failed us miserably; the rice terraces outside Yangshuo; and Danxia, the incredible colorful geopark at Zhangye. Unfortunately, we didn’t have time to fit the latter two into our schedule given the train times and buses and how far they were from other things we were doing. That’s okay, there was so much to see in this country and I wasn’t tooo disappointed at not being able to fit in a visit to the natural beauty of the mountainous rock formations that somehow made insane colors of rock that will blow your mind. Okay, I was a little disappointed.
Which is why I was SO SUPER PUMPED when the company that booked all of our China train tickets made a last minute suggestion to our itinerary that would make me sublimely happy. We planned all the routes we wanted and our whole schedule (okay Z did) but we (very wisely) hired a Chinese company called China DIY Travel to book the actual tickets. (Have you looked at the ticket booking websites?? THEY ARE IN CHINESE. Have you spoken to an agent at a train station ticket office? They do not speak English and they do NOT try to work with you to communicate. Hire this company if you are going.) Helen, the representative at China DIY who assisted us the whole time, was amazing and I love her. I mostly love her because the week before we were to leave Xi’an for Dunhuang, she sent us an email that said she had been looking at our itinerary and saw that we were just doing a 24-hour sleeper train from Xi’an to Dunhuang, which sounds dire. She said “I have a crazy idea” that we should take a newly launched bullet train (so fast, nicer, kind of like Amtrak?) from Xi’an to a little town called Zhangye that would take less than 7 hours, in order to stop at Zhangye and hire a taxi to drive us an hour and a half to DANXIAAAAAA THE ROCK FORMATION GEOPARK AHHHH YESSS HELEN YOU’RE AMAZING. Then we could have from about 3pm to midnight to get to the park and see the park (plenty of time!) and then return to Zhangye station for a midnight sleeper train that would get us to Dunhuang at 7am. So that would make it 14 hours on two broken up trains instead of 24 on one long one, AND in between we get to see the big f-ing thing I wanted to see so badly! It was a no-brainer. We responded to Helen and said YASSS QUEEN and her response had us crying hysterically we were laughing so hard. Get this: She responded all excited and ended her email of our new instructions with the sentence “I really hope you can have one beautiful place to visit in West of China.” AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. Meaning all the many things we are seeing in the rest of western China are not so much to look at (but it has a great personality?) which I pretty much agree with her about. Z insists that she didn’t intend her words to come out that way and just meant ‘a’ beautiful place in western China, not ‘the only’, but that’s the way I want to take it and you can’t take that away from me. Anyway all this to say, WE WENT TO DANXIA AND IT WAS JUST AS BEAUTIFUL AS THE PICTURES WHEN YOU GOOGLE!
Okay…maybe not AS beautiful or as shockingly colorful as those — because most of the pictures online are photoshopped to increase the color saturation to really make it look even crazier than it is. But the real stuff doesn’t need photoshop! I was prepared to see a much duller (not boring dull, but in terms of color talk) landscape than I saw online and I was fine with that. But it was still so spectacular! I was so impressed and wowed by the color streaks and brightness of this natural phenomenon. So, we did not do any photoshopping (do I ever edit my pictures? lol no way takes too long), but we took every single picture three times – once in normal mode, once in ‘sunset’ mode, and once in ‘expressive color’ mode. Here is the same shot in each of those modes, in that order of normal/sunset/color (/sugar/butter/flour). Erma P I’m gonna do my first slideshow! Dance emoji dance emoji!
So you can see how much variation can exist in photos. You probably are thinking, well that color mode one, that looks a bit like you’re being just as bad as the photoshopping fakers abounding on the internet. But actually, that mode best represents what it really looked like in person! THIS IS TRUTH. The normal mode is sooo lackluster and drab and it’s really not accurate. CAMERA LIES. So I’m going to switch around which versions of the pictures I share depending on what best represents how it really looked in person. Twas amaze.
Before we share all the pictures (we took hundos, each), let’s backtrack and share every detail of my day like I do.
We landed in Zhangye and immediately tried to find food. Outside the train station – Zhangye West, the newer one – is a ring of small restaurants with no menus and no English and just a few tables and like a guy you try to talk to. We went in one that had pictures on the walls and people were smoking so we left. We went in another and they had a No Smoking sign. WE WERE STAYING FOREVER.
We landed in Zhangye and immediately tried to find food. Outside the train station – Zhangye West, the newer one – is a ring of small restaurants with no menus and no English and just a few tables and like a guy you try to talk to. We went in one that had pictures on the walls and people were smoking so we left. We went in another and they had a No Smoking sign. WE WERE STAYING FOREVER.
The man working there was incredibly helpful despite not knowing any English. We used our phones to communicate that I wanted him to give me all the tofu and all the vegetables they had and I tried to get it to say “You probably think I just mean I want a lot of tofu and vegetables, but what I said was, give me ALL the tofu and all the vegetables you have” but that didn’t work. The guy asked if spicy was okay and if we wanted noodles and we were like yes and sure? and he made me one of the best meals I had in all of China I’m not even kidding. It was a giant bowl of super spicy chili oiled broth with tofu and broccoli and leafy greens and deliciousness and then, like he read my mind, a SEPARATE bowl of noodles so I could just take the amount I wanted. It was SO GOOD. And so spicy. BUT SO GOOD.
Here is the outside so if you find yourself in Zhangye you go to the nicest man’s shop and not the gross other ones.
Super full, we then we like, okay now onto Danxia. But…it was THE WORST WEATHER. Remember the aforementioned horrible weather we encountered in Huangshan, my OTHER important beloved choice, that ended up failing us? It was like that – cold, rainy, foggy, very low visibility. In short, a terrible day to visit a site that requires good visibility. We were so upset about that but I was more upset that apparently Universe wanted to ruin all the things I particularly wanted to do! Does the universe not want me to make decisions because that’s a TERRIBLE lesson. Z was tentative about going all the way to Danxia and paying all the money for a taxi to take us there and then wait for hours and then take us back (that’s what you’re supposed to do because there aren’t taxis at the site) if we might not even see anything. But I was like are you kidding, we are definitely going and trying and seeing what we came to see because we came all this way to and ALEXANDER I CAME ALL THIS WAY SHE CAME ALL THIS WAY ALL THIS WAY. And thank goodness we went because, while I’m sure it’s even more stunning on sunny days, it was REMARKABLE. It was definitely one of my favorite places.
So we found a cab very quickly (we were still in the station’s parking lot pretty much) and showed her a message in Chinese that Helen had written for us, saying essentially “please take me to Danxia, and wait, and then drive me back to the main train station” (our night train left from the other station in town – yes even tiny towns you never heard of in China are big enough to warrant two train stations). Helen said it cost her 180 yuan 3 years ago when she did it, and we were just hoping for under 300 given the expected upcharge for not being Chinese/able to haggle, and the lady driving said 240 so we were okay with that! (That’s about $36 which for China is a lot-ish but we were like that is almost the flag-drop in London taxis, so, score.) Also it was a lady cab driver which we liked.
Of course, this being China and us being in a taxi, something ridiculous had to happen. After about ten minutes of driving, the lady pulled over on the side of the road next to a man in a nice jacket that I assumed at first glance was from Jack Wolfskin but it actually said “Jake Wolfking” and despite how delighted this made us, we were still very concerned about wtf was going on. Lady got out and man got in and we were like HEY LADY, what’s happening? She didn’t speak English, she just pointed to the man and nodded. We had no idea what was going on! Luckily, we worked out with the man that he was her husband and was just taking over our long job. JFC it is a mess not being able to communicate. So all was okay just a slight scare.
the men’s bathroom sign was LITERALLY a picture of a man smoking like come the f on China
We got to Danxia at about 4:45 and they had a GIANT building with a GIANT sign that said ‘toilets’ and they were pretty clean. And then the little road to the ticket office was full of camel-shaped (somehow, I know) wooden stalls selling melons and nannerpusses. It was already my favorite place in China.
And it got even better. We bought tickets – under 100 yuan each, which is not bad (like $15), and it includes the (pretty required) shuttle bus around the ENORMOUS, ENDLESS grounds – and got on the shuttle bus to the first amazing area, about 10 minutes down the mountain road, and I was SO HAPPY. It was BIG and BEEYOOOTIFUL! Every area has stairs up to the top of that peak (omg so much climbing) and platforms to walk along to see all views, plus signs and stuff for the highlights. Our first highlight was Sleeping Beauty, the sign for which reads, and this is verbatim, “The earth beauty that was formed during the Cretaceous Period and the nature gives birth to and makeunders after long-term weathering, has relieved and soft lines, fruity and lithe and graceful figure, and colorful dress. We don’t know it is a fairy or dragon out of the sea, but we want to stay here indeed, because it stands here for one hundred million year.” I MEAN. WAS I IN HEAVEN, YES.
So here’s the picture of Sleeping Beauty…not sure if the sign was accurate. Also did they mean makeunder like what they did to Charlize in Monster.
OH this is a good time to tell you an important bit of info: We entered at the north gate, but there are east and west gates too. And, the shuttle you catch at each gate is different, they take you on different routes around the grounds, so you see different things. Now, there is a transfer station at the middle, so you can hop on all the various shuttles and see all the things (just remember to get on your gate’s right bus at the end so you find your taxi), but it took us a full three hours to see everything just up to that transfer station! (That’s also the last station before the north gate.) This place is ENORMOUS! Three hours of driving and climbing and more driving (for long stretches, too), and we saw maaaybe half, probably less. And it was all incredible! I think we saw the highlights. What do you think?
lolol
And, OF COURSE, there were amazing signs. Crucial (not) commentary in the captions.
never seen that used like that before
i mean dude i’d listen to you but I don’t know what you mean
that’s LITERALLY the opposite of what Mother Superior said
Even though it was freezing and I was a shibber, I felt JOY for the first time in weeks. I’m just kidding I know I complain a lot (a lot a lot) but I liked most of China and most of what we did this is just my platform for venting. But I really loved this place. It’s up there with the Great Wall on my list of Mosts.
I didn’t even share the best part yet – at every shuttle dropoff point was a TOILET! And not a disgusting outhouse but a real building with walls and floors and stuff. (Okay it’s not the best part but it’s up there.)
The only negative about this experience (besides the weather) is that a lot of people were staring and very conspicuously taking photos of me, because I am white. FFS, even the ONLY other white person we saw here (actually the only one all day and for days after) took a picture of (well with) us because he bet his Chinese wife that they wouldn’t see any other foreigners so he had to make proof of it? But that wasn’t as upsetting as all the Chinese men and teenage girls (seriously, just those two demos) taking my photo and laughing. It almost ruined my whole day. A few times I said to the person ‘that’s really not okay please don’t’ and they understood I think from my face and tone that shiz was not cool but they just shrugged. Arghhhhh.
While it dampened my spirits (so they could match my clothes!) it did not tarnish the beauty of this amazing place.
We got back to Mr. Wolfking at almost 8pm, bought two tubs of camel-stall melon (I felt like a having pounds of watermelon and cantaloupe for dinner, it’s so good here), drove to the station and had about three hours to kill before our midnight train to Dunhuang (leaving on a midnight traaaaain) so we just putzed around the station and stuff. And to top off an amazing day, this train, which was yet another K train, was the nicest of all the K’s! It had soap in the sink area! It was clean! We bought out the other two beds again (#ghostchildren) and could use all the extra pillows and blankets and NOT BE ITCHY FROM THEM! The attendants were nice! It was smoky but just ever so slightly less so! It was only 7 hours so it was a shame that we didn’t have this one for a longer journey. When I mentioned that, Z asked if that meant I wanted to stay on longer and I immediately turned into Randolph & Mortimer (should start automatically at 0:40 but if it doesn’t, well, go to 0:40):
Onto the next!
Onto the next!
