"The Autumn of My Springtime" at Tbilisi's Marionette Theatreby Randi / April 19, 2018
Taking a tour of a disaster zone seems like it maybe would be lower down on the list of must-dos for a tourist visiting a foreign country, but when you are in Ukraine, a visit to Chernobyl is essential. This nuclear disaster from 1986 (actually, from April 25, 1986 so happy(?) anniversary) is something all of us have heard of, but few know the details about how it affected everyday people (in large part because of all the government-imposed secrecy and/or lies (‘ALLEGEDLY’)). Understanding how devastating the catastrophe was to ordinary people is difficult without seeing the damage firsthand. We hear too often about this or that terrible event that occurred here or there but when you’re removed from it, it’s hard to really grasp what happened. Visiting Chernobyl, we learned so much more about not only the disaster but about Ukraine and international politics in general than we could have otherwise. Seeing and experiencing this in person is necessary. And there is so much information about this horrible event still coming to light after years of lies and cover-ups, so a visit now is super interesting, providing a fascinating look into this sad history.
The Chernobyl disaster occurred during a safety test in the middle of the night, as ironic as that sounds. The test simulated a blackout power failure where safety systems were turned off on purpose. It is generally said that the operators performing the test were really bad at their job and they arranged the core improperly, so that a reaction occurred, and, since all the safety measures were turned off for the test, it got out of hand real fast. Like all events of this nature, there are tons of conspiracy theories floating around about what the real truth is, and though I don’t like to indulge such theorists, I must admit it is a little too convenient to blame all of this on a handful of individual workers doing their single task improperly. Anyway, there was a power surge and the attempts to shut it down added to all the power output and I want to say that water got into the core? And erupted into a steam explosion? And then a graphite fire? Firefighters tried to put it out with their normal methods but this wasn’t like a wood-burning stove, it was a freaking nuclear reaction, but they had no idea how to counter such a fire. It burned and burned for 9 days. Huge numbers of service people who tried to fight the fire ended up with radiation-caused illnesses – immediately, acute radiation syndrome and lethal doses of radiation; and longer-term, radiation-caused cancers. Many died painful, awful deaths, especially the bravest ones who had to get the closest in order to stop the flow of water into the core. These heroes were referred to as Liquidators, and approximately 600,000 such workers served in the aftermath of the explosion. That’s right, 600,000. Some organizations estimate that 60,000 (10%) died from radiation and 160,000 were disabled from it. Accurate numbers don’t really exist because of all the politics of the countries involved (and Russia pretty much refuses to honestly investigate it) so it’s safe to guess that real figures are higher. This is just one example of how the politicians involved wanted to sweep so much of what happened under the rug and refuse to tell the truth to the populace. And it’s not just the former Soviet block: As the radiation cloud blew over the USSR and Europe, France told its citizens that it was not dangerous radiation at all, outright denying that such a cloud was in their airspace, which it totally was. It’s not just Soviet dictatorships that lie to their people!
Everything about this disaster is terrifying, including how the people who lived in the surrounding area were treated. These were normal residential places, like Pripyat, a regular town that happened to have a nuclear power plant, like in The Simpsons. In the few days right after the explosion, a zone of 10 kilometers around the explosion was evacuated. The next day or so, the zone was increased to 30 kilometers, with more and more people bussed out day by day. All of these people were told that the evacuation would be for a few days only and so they didn’t need to bring any of their things. They could carry, well, only what they could carry. They were told they’d be back in their homes in a few days. In fact, none of them were ever allowed back into town, let alone into their homes, not until everything had long been destroyed at least, as we will see in this post. Eventually, as the explosion continued sending plumes of radiation into the atmosphere with no end in sight, the number of evacuees in that first year reached 135,000 people. The number would triple over the next few years.
Although the technical information about the explosion itself is what most research will talk about, the human element of all the residents whose lives were forever changed is really what a tour to Chernobyl makes you consider the most. Seeing all of the homes, the schools, the gyms, all the everyday aspects of an everyday town is more effective than anything else in showing how many people lost everything they knew before they knew it was happening. And they were the lucky ones who didn’t get exposed to lethal doses of radiation. What these residents went through is tragic and heartbreaking, and infuriating when it comes to the government.
So we had to go SEE the thing! as everyone who visits Kyiv should and does. We choked down some Cherno-bly and booked two spots on the group tour with SoloEast Travel Chernobyl Tours, the website of which features the host of Top Gear as their celebrity client, which adds to the whole ‘this is a weird thing guys’ vibe of a tourism jaunt to a nuclear disaster zone. SoloEast has great reviews so we paid the approximately $80 per person for the all-day tour. It’s a lot but it is all day and it is a reputable company that actually teaches you stuff. We met in the morning in the central square of Kyiv, called Independence Square, on the side where there is a McDonald’s which is great because Z could get coffee and I could pee twice before we left. The drive would be several hours but luckily they stopped enough at gas stations (usually for ice cream? for breakfast? I saw this all over this part of the world really) so I never had to worry too much about bathroom breaks. I mean I did still worry of course, but I didn’t need to. We got seats right up front behind the driver, my favorite seat, ostensibly so we could talk to the guides and ask extra questions and get extra guidance and info but really so I could become their friend and ask for a stop whenever I needed. Also it’s better for motion sickness. And also to get away from the yoots in the back (always) who bought alcohol at every gas station like they thought they were cool or something. Yeesh.
Lol my seat at the front, plus a look at the yoots being so cool outside
Oh and look at this one’s backpack. Man alive.
If you can’t read it well, it says LIFE IS PORNO. what does that mean. this is inappropriate for work and for Chernobyl
Okay that’s enough of the silly things. It’s time to get serious. You must wear longs-and-longs, in camp lingo – long pants and long sleeves, and closed shoes like sneakers. (This is to protect your skin from radiation, although it is generally safe to visit, no more dangerous radiation-wise than flying, really.) Once we got into the Chernobyl zone, there are a lot of checkpoints. Everyone has to get off the bus for the guards to look you over and check your passports. (Oh you have to bring your passport.) Sometimes the checkpoints were simple and fast, other times took longer. There is one main checkpoint into the area where all the busses of tourists coming that day convene and you can stare at all the other tourists and you can buy really weird souvenirs and most importantly you can pee. Oh I think it goes without saying, but bring all the water you will need for the day. And snacks. Lunch at the barracks is included (tomato and cucumber salad, what what! (and soup) (it was fine and very nice to accommodate vegans)) but anything else you’ll need, bring yourself.
Tour bus meeting point! partay
After that, the long day of learning and lamenting can begin. We started out by walking around small abandoned cottages out in the woods in the outer edges of the Exclusion Zone. Some people refused to evacuate, some came back as soon as they could, and some left forever, so there’s a real mix of what you’ll find out here. Mostly, though, you find completely trashed shelters. This is not from the nuclear fallout, no; this is from vandalism (yoots). Everything we found that was destroyed (which was, indeed, everything) all over Pripyat and the surrounding towns we visited mainly had shitty delinquent thieves and other generalized sorts of offenders to thank for the damage, all of that that wasn’t due to age and rust. People are terrible. Even so, it’s easy to see what utter abandonment did to the once vibrant towns.
As you can see, the floors are not in good shape. It is treacherous to walk around certain parts of certain buildings, so it can be a lil bit scary. If you are not in good ambulatory shape, this tour would be difficult, but I think you can still appreciate everything from outside peeking in (ON THE OUTSIDE ALWAYS LOOKING IN WILL I EVER BE MORE THAN I’VE ALWAYS BEEN CAUSE I’M TAP TAP TAPPING ON THE GLASSSSS I’m sorry I’m done).
Where we’re going, we don’t need floors?
In case seeing cottages destroyed isn’t enough, let’s look at all the markings of everyday life that were also ruined. Seeing things like schools, music rooms, auditoriums (I’m not going to say auditoria) (I know I just did but you know what I meant) (I’m not that much of a jerk) &c in this state really hurts.
YOUR CAR WILL STOP AND IN I’LL HOP AND OFF WE’LL DRIIIIIIIVE WE’LL DRIIIIIIIIVE then again maybe not
Some kind of auditorium room in what looked like a primary school. I have the same bug-eyes I usually have in such rooms but this time it’s not due to stage fright
someone’s notebook from school?
Once a gymnastics studio
the music room
After exploring these woods at the outer limits of the Exclusion Zone, we made our way closer and closer to the center – the reactor, and into Pripyat. The town of Pripyat was made up of more Soviet-style apartment blocks rather than single-family houses, and we went into the buildings that were more stable. I think these apartment buildings are even more emotionally challenging to reckon with than the houses because you’re seeing so many people’s lost homes at once, so much loss and wreckage in one place. Also climbing up those stairs was terrifying.
and I thought my landlords sucked. (also the requisite “Blursula” caption)
this is my ‘please dear god don’t let this roof collapse’ face
We also saw all the markers of a regular town, or what’s left of them. From the world’s saddest jungle gym to the world’s saddest Ferris Wheel et al. at the amusement park, to the world’s saddest indoor pool and the…well, you know, just the World’s Saddest everything/fill-in-the-blank.
The Ferris Wheel pictured below had the highest level of radiation as measured on our Geiger counters that we went around with, save for when we were driving through the Red Forest on our way out from the plant. Geiger counters measure the levels of radiation nearby. We took a ‘normal’ reading in Kyiv when we first met the tour guides, which was about 0.3, and we watched as the numbers changed through the day. It rose to 0.77 as we approached the Ferris Wheel and jumped to 4.78 when we touched the counter to the carriage. I don’t know if we were supposed to do that but there we are. Driving through the Red Forest it soared to 14!!!! And we were inside the bus! When discussing radiation levels, people often talk about bananas, because the forms of potassium in bananas have lil bits of radioactivity. In fact, scientists actually use the measurement BED, or Banana Equivalent Dose, which is hilarious, and I’m not going to get all scientific here or anything, but it’s not used because bananas are dangerous or anything; it’ s just because using something so recognizable that has some radiation but not a dangerous level or anything makes it easy for us normies to compare relative radiation levels and risks. It’s a point of reference, so be assured that bananas, although a tiny bit radioactive (the most of any fruit), are not dangerous (not unless you eat a shittonne so we can still hope that Freelee gets hers).
And here’s the saddest thing to me, an indoor pool without that amazing indoor pool smell. I know I’m weird but it’s the best smell. This is the hill I stand on, I guess.
One of the most effective parts of this tour, as you can see above in the pool picture and below, is that the guides often showed us pictures of what it looked like exactly where we were standing but before the disaster.
We also got to see the Duga Radar system, which was a Soviet early-warning system used during the Cold War. It was meant to detect ballistic missiles. This thing was enormous and Z was really excited to see it because he knew about its historic significance, while I pretty much just wanted to climb it (you can’t) (and shouldn’t).
Next, we made our way to the actual plant. Not inside obviously but pretty close. We were lucky to visit when we did, because the No. 4 building of the power plant, the building were the explosion began, has a pretty new cover, referred to as the sarcophagus. Early on after the disaster, experts realized that no matter what they did, it would be impossible to rid the plant of its beyond-lethal levels of radiation, so they decided to built a shelter to cover it up and limit the amount of radiation that got out. Design started mere weeks after the explosion! The original sarcophagus, however, corroded in certain spots and was never predicted to last very long anyway, so a shiny new cover was built from steel. This new confinement shelter was built a few hundred meters away and then wheeled into place, on top of #4, in November 2016.
This giant supershiny supersmooth tube-looking thing in the back is the new confinement shelter. The Geiger counter registered 1.17 here, so this thing is really doing its job!
OK, last but certainly not least, we need to talk about the most important issue in Chernobyl today. When I said at the beginning that the citizens of Chernobyl and Pripyat were evacuated and told to leave everything, I didn’t mention the most upsetting part of what they had to leave behind: their pets. Many dogs were left in what became the ghost towns. I know it’s hard to think about it without crying, and by hard I mean impossible. All those doggies made other doggies, as they do, and they beget the current residents of the Chernobyl area, All These Great Doggies. Rule #1, if you go on this tour, you MUST bring a giant bag of dog food, as I did, and feed all of them as much as they want because they don’t get good food regularly.
the only thing better than a dog is dogs
THIS MY NEW FREN
SO CUTE RIGHT? And so sad. These dogs rely on the kindness of the workers in the zone to feed them, but they need so much more. They need medical care. The great people at Clean Futures Fund have begun a project to help these dogs receive the veterinary care they need, from medicine to vaccines to neuter…onomy. PLEASE DONATE whatever you can to the CFF on their website so do it click here!
To leave Chernobyl, at the last checkpoint you have to go through the dosimeter, to make sure you and your belongings have not become radioactive. I didn’t get a good shot of anyone in the thing, but picture the full-body Rapiscan at airports (the worst thing), how you have to put your hands up and pray that everything goes well and all. Luckily, everyone in our group passed the test! The guide told us that people fail very rarely, usually only if they broke the rules or wandered off into the woods without a guide. One girl apparently had sat down on the ground in the amusement park or something and so her pants got an eensy bit radioactive and she had to leave them there! I don’t know if I believe that story!
So that was our day at Chernobyl. We learned so much – in addition to the guide’s constant guidance, they showed videos on the bus during all the longer segments of the drive. A lot of the videos had relatively new information, like about all the government cover-ups and things only now coming to light. It’s all fascinating and devastating at once. We got back to Kyiv after 7pm, so it is a very long, exhausting, exhilarating day. If you go to Kyiv, you must must take this tour. If you have no plans to go, please for the love of dog give what you can to the Clean Futures Fund Dogs of Chernobyl Project.
The monument to the heroes who sacrificed their lives to contain the explosion.
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The Yucatan Adventure Continues: Vegan Food, Hotels, Beaches, & More Merida
Last week, we were finishing up some wonderful sightseeing in Merida, seeing Uxmal, the Choco-Story chocolate museum, the Museo del Mundo Maya, and of course our favorite thing: cenotes. You may have noticed/I told you we were saving the most important aspects of that part of our adventure – vegan food, hotel, pools, beaches, you know, the fun parts – for today. We went to Mexico almost entirely for the food (I’d say 70% food, 60% sights, 40% non-food cultural experiences, 50% cenotes…math checks out) and our culinary adventures through Merida and the Yucatan post-Valladolid supported our decisions.
Catch up on the Yucatan adventure!
Part 1:
Part 2:
A long, hot drive to Merida led us to our hotel for three nights (absurdly long for us) called Casa Lucia, a lovely little boutique hotel with a giant, clean bed, a good shower, and most importantly, a lovely pool area. When in Mexico in the summer, you need to find lodging that has a pool, that’s just the rule and we don’t support rule-breakers here.
Although the poolside bar service didn’t really work (where did that phone actually call??), the pool area was just what we needed after our long days of tourism. It was empty a few times, but mostly there were just 3-4 other guests using it, the benefit of a rather small hotel. I loved attempting to relax in the hammock even though I never trust them.
The rooms were spread around this courtyard on 2-3 levels, and everything felt really spacious and private. Here’s my standard hotel bed picture!
i love bed
Since we were staying at Casa Lucia 3 nights, and when we travel we normally don’t have that much time at one hotel, I like to make the most of longer stays by unpacking COMPLETELY. Every sock, every extra ziplock bag, everything gets unpacked if I’m in a place longer than 2 nights. It’s honestly one of my top travel tips because it brings me some weird sort of peace, like feeling at home.
For our first night in Merida, we had a decent list of all the vegan-friendly restaurants we wanted to try, but guess what – it was Monday, and like Dave says in the movie “Dave” but the exact opposite, “Everything is closed on Mondays!” Ughhh. Well what would be our favorite restaurant in the Yucatan, Distrito Vegano (infra!) (I’ve never been so excited about an infra before but I am! it’s a good one! (it means below/later in this writing)), was open but it’s outside the city center and we didn’t feel like driving any more. So our only real option was the chain restaurant 100% Natural, which I obviously called Mr. Natural. It has easy-for-tourist menus with pictures, English versions, and vegan options clearly marked, and since we were beat (BEAT!) it was a good simple option. The food was whatever but it was exactly what we were after – quick, easy, no-thinking. I got a bowl of kale soup that was Not Good, but I also got mushroom tacos that were Very Good, so it averaged out to be a fine dinner.
After dinner, we walked through the main square, saw the requisite dancing in the square as one does throughout the Yucatan and as one learned in previous posts, and…went to church. No but our hotel was on the same block as this cute lil church so we took a picture and crossed ourselves? and went on our merry way.
Our merry way included some stops in other cute lil places, namely cute lil shops, including one where I got THE FUNNIEST coin purse I’ve EVER seen and will post in my instagram stories for you to enjoy, and one where I found mamey flavored bolis! Bolis are like bags of flavored water ice – you just bite the corner off the plastic bag and it’s like a big ice…bar…kinda jawn. I’m so glad I got to try something mamey flavored. So good!
lol that hand is twice lifesize on my desktop
The next day, we went to Uxmal and the ChocolateLand (Choco-Story museum), which you already read about. What you didn’t already read about was that, there’s not really any food out there. Luckily, we brought sufficient snacks (bananas, Justin’s peanut butter packs (ALWAYS when traveling!), lime nuts, chips/salty things of all shapes and sizes) to get us through the day, but that’s a big day, and in this heat, oof, we were pretty hungry. Luckily, we had made a reservation for that evening for dinner at Lo Que Hay, the vegan restaurant inside Merida’s Hotel MedioMundo.
The owners of Lo Que Hay were very helpful and friendly (and fluent in English). I believe one is originally from Lebanon, and so the set menu varies between Lebanese and Mexican food. The night we booked was Lebanese night, which is fine, but we really were after Mexican food all day err day. If you’ve been in Mexico for a while and need a break from Mexican food, this would be absolutely perfect because it was delicious, but we were the tiniest bit disappointed to miss an opportunity for MOAR MEXICAN FOOD.
It was good though, and it was outside in a lovely setting. For 200 pesos, or $10, we got a nice spread (though not as much food as we expected/hoped, it was probably a normal amount for normal people).
We started with a mezze plate with hummus, babaghanoush, tabouli made with quinoa, falafel, and pita.
All the components were great! The falafel reminded us more of kibbeh, not that it mattered since it was all good. We just like…wanted more. And we wanted it to be Mexican food. Lol that’s OUR BAD. It was really good though, truly.
Next was mjadara, or lentils with basmati rice, plus a purple cabbage and lemon salad.
The fried onions were amazing with the lentils and rice, and like everything else it was really good. Just unexpectedly not Mexican food. Okay okay you get it!
Dessert was lemon sorbet, which was fine (you know how I feel about sorbet but when it’s a hot destination like this it’s fine, I’m fine) and not pictured because guys it was hot out and it was melting!
I definitely recommend going to Lo Que Hay for a lovely dinner, but make sure you are cool with whatever menu they have going on your night because you might not get the tacos your body desperately needs.
Our third day in Merida was a doozy. We decided to enjoy a beach day at Progreso beach, about a half hour from Merida, after we visited the Mundo Maya museo. Progreso is a very normal-life beach – not really built for tourists (good!) but for locals and people who generally can figure shit out on their own. We can figure shit out on our own and don’t need luxury or anything, but Progreso still wasn’t my favorite because…it was windy. I know you’re like oh boo hoo the beach was windy? the Mexican beach you got to visit? But guys, it was like, RULL windy. Like glasses and beer bottles (not mine) and silverware and menus blowing off the tables of beachside restaurants and cafes windy. Like Arabian nights sandstorm looking jawn windy. And most importantly, like ohh this is how people get swept out to sea in harsh rip currents windy. We went in the ocean but it was rough, and it was kinda scary. Yeah there are lifeguards but they’re not like, life guarantors. And it was kind of too windy to enjoy ourselves. We tried to swim, we tried to sit at a little cafe table and enjoy horchata, we tried to really do anything but all we could do was fight the wind (with eyes closed). It was too windy to take our phones out and take pictures! This is literally the only photo we took the entire time!
So, our day at Progreso was a bust. It might have just been an off day, but I figure if you are going to Mexico for the beaches, you got off the bus long before you reached this point in the Yucatan, so stay in Tulum or whatever, or commit to having a non-beachy holiday.
The saddest part was that we went out here in large part to eat at vegan-friendly restaurant Milk Bar, which has amazing reviews. SO EXCITED! SO WORTH THE WIND! We did not expect that Milk Bar’s closed day of choice would be Wednesdays. Yup you guessed it, this was a Wednesday. Dammit! We had a heck of a time walking around the little streets trying to find a restaurant with vegan food. We finally find one called La Antigua and the entire staff was so nice in trying to feed us enough, and they definitely did. I don’t even know if they ever had to deal with a vegan before but they really tried to make me happy and succeeded, which given the rest of the experience in Progreso was a g-d miracle.
Of course, we got guacamole, which was great. They also made this gigantic pear and pecan salad (it seemed like a salad-trustworthy place, and I did not get sick), grilled mushrooms, and black bean dip.
So it worked out well, food wise. It seemed like they felt bad about not having vegan stuff on the menu so they made and brought out everything they could think of! It was so much, and all really good. I just wish the beachy part of the day had worked out as well!
Luckily, that night, our final night in Merida, was The Time.
The Time for Distrito Vegano, the best restaurant in Merida. AND IT’S ALL VEGAN! I’m so excited just remembering how great this place was.
WE GOT SO MUCH FOOD. OK not really we got a normal amount of food but I have a lot of pictures. The special El Xolo hot dog, made with lentils and seitan, was great. The tacos, of any variety, were great. But the torta, MY GOD THE TORTA. It might be because it was my first torta (ever!) (baby’s first torta!) but it was AMAZING. Everything honestly was amazing. I wish I could go to DV every single week. The place was cute, the service was great, and the food was sensational. I LOVED it. I may have just been overexcited at the idea of the first all-vegan Mexican restaurant of our trip (not the last!!) but man alive this was all epic.
Distrito Vegano is a bit annoying to drive to – it’s outside the city and you have to drive on the highway to find it, and it’s like in a random spot, but it’s SO worth it. We finished dinner with peanut ice cream that was just as impressive as the rest. I really want a torta now!
Back in the main/old part of town, we strolled along the enormous fancy boulevard Paseo de Montejo, home to palace museums, rich people, and a well known cafe with a Chevy Impala just like perched on top.
This boulevard at night is also PRIMO DOGGO SPOTTINGO land. We met an older lady leaving her super-gated compound with THREE count em THREE good boys and we chatted and got to meet them. But then we like kept running into her on our walk and I think she thought we were following her and got scared and I SWEAR I wasn’t following I just get like magnetized towards dogs, I think? We mean no harm.
Anyway, we had such a great time in Merida and the Yucatan, and that brings this particular adventure to an end. The next morning, we would fly to Mexico City for even more amazing sights, vegan food, and good dog sightings (in increasing order of importance).
One Short Day in the Capital City: A Quick Tour of Brussels
Obviously (it’s so obvious guys) you’re supposed to sing the title of this post to the tune of the song from Wicked: “one short day in the Emerald city/one short day full of so much to do/every way that you look in this city/there’s something exquisite/you’ll want to visit/before the day’s through.” Except…except (sorry to my Belgian friends) but Brussels is kind of x. X means whatever. Every way you look in Brussels, there’s not something exquisite. And you might not want to visit. But if you are visiting another, more charming place in the country, like Bruges, which we talked about before, you will likely be passing through the capital. So here’s what to do if you find yourself with some time in this Detroit of Europe (no offense to Detroit, just that it’s like…industrial and charmless).
Things
The only really nice to look at part of Brussels is the Grand Place, the central square of Brussels and the most crowded place in Europe outside of Parisian museums and the London tube after work. A UNESCO World Heritage Site, the Grand Place is often named the most beautiful square in the world, which is…surprising. It’s nice, don’t get me wrong, but the most beautiful square in the world? Maybe in August every other year, when they do the incredible flower carpet over the entire thing. But in winter? It’s fine. I’m fine.
I enjoyed the pinkish purpley lights and the giant Christmas tree. And while it is very nice, it’s not my favorite thing in the city. For someone who talks SO GD MUCH about how often she has to pee, I know you know exactly what my favorite thing in Brussels is:
Manneken Pis! I know it’s so stupid and so touristy but there is a STATUE in the CAPITAL OF EUROPE of a LITTLE BOY PEEING and it’s the MOST FAMOUS SYMBOL OF THE BELGIAN PEOPLE. You cannot tell me there’s anything better than that. Little Boy Piss is smaller than you expect, about the size of a child his age would be so it’s actually easy to miss on its unassuming lil street corner about 5 minutes from the Grand Place.
It’s said that Little Pissing Man (actual translation) represents the people of Belgium’s independence of mind and sense of humor, which I’d say is true about the fact that this statue exists and is on display, but the actual statue represents their tendency to pee outside.
The statue dates from the early 1600s, and this one is a replica; the real one is in the Brussels City Museum. There are several legends associated with Manneken Pis, and they are all incredible because they all are about a little boy urinating and they all try to explain why that was a momentous event. It’s really extraordinary. They’re all amazing but I’ll share one: in the 14th century, Brussels was under siege by a foreign power, and the attackers placed explosives at the city walls to finish things but seriously. A little boy was spying on the attackers as they prepared and he urinated on the burning fuse and, of course, saved the city. Brussels wants you to know that peeing outside can save lives.
So most people know about Manneken Pis, but did you know about his sister-in-crime, (not me) Jeanneke Pis??!! There’s another little pissing child statue in Brussels and it’s a girl! I honestly cannot.
Jeanneke Pis is located down a dark (and pot-filled) alley so it is not as touristed as Manneken Pis. Gender discrimination, I think. Jeanneke was built as a companion piece to the little piss boy, and she was commissioned in (checks notes) THE YEAR OF MY BIRTH! She’s my spirit statue! She’s behind bars because even Europeans are still lagging behind on women’s rights you’re supposed to throw coins into her fountain and make a wish. Great stuff, Brussels.
Food
Like all capital cities worth their salt, Brussels has some great options for vegans, especially compared with the last time I visited the city like 15 years ago, ugh and oh no. Hooray for progress! Not only is there tons of vegan chocolate even in the chain stores as we saw in Bruges, there’s also now VEGAN WAFFLES!!! But before I share the waffles, you’ll have to eat your vegetables, unless you’re that idiot pathetic man who complained about the Golden Globes going vegan when it’s a) a free meal b) ONE meal and c) he would never be invited, ya basic!; if you’re that guy you don’t get anything.
For lunch in Brussels, I did all my HappyCow research and decided on the most predictable choice for my salad-and-bowl-loving self: Yummy Bowl. It’s a vegetarian bowl joint. They make bowls, like full of all kinds of vegetables. It’s literally perfect.
Well it’s not perfect perfect because I went up to the counter when I arrived and was told to sit and that someone would take my order from the table which is fine but then for the next 30 minutes they took people’s orders at the counters???!!! Like yes all those jackfruits were doing it wrong but they still got served first so the lesson is NEVER FOLLOW THE RULES. But finally I ordered my Super Bowl (not to be confused with the upcoming football game that can EAT my SHORTS because the Eagles are out (are you proud, fam, doesn’t it seem like I actually care? #goeagles (look I did it again!))).
My Super Bowl, like Walt Whitman, contained MULTITUDES: red and white quinoa, young shoots and baby leaves salad, gomasio tofu, avocado hummus, garlic grilled green beans, red cabbage, roasted sweet potatoes, edamame, marinated zucchini, grilled broccoli, mango, pomegranate seeds, goji berries, sunflower seeds, and lemon curcuma dressing. I KNOW! ALL THESE THINGS MIXED TOGETHER! Obviously I sang like the boy in Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit (“Oh Happy DAYYYY”).
I know some of you are like ‘um you know they have vegan burgers and fries and stuff in Brussels, right’ but you know I love a loaded salad like nothing else. And I got a waffle for you! Well not ‘for you’ but for you, know what I mean?
Let’s take a walk through this GORGEOUS arcade to find our vegan waffles!
Here we are!
Vegan Waf is, you guessed it, the vegan waffle joint in Brussels that I say is a MUST VISIT. This was SO DELICIOUS, not to be confused with the best ice cream brand but man alive did you know? Did you know about waffles??!!! Like about real Belgian waffles? I think I had one when I was first in Belgium but I wasn’t vegan yet so I didn’t appreciate it because I was probably like “yeah I can eat this I can eat ANYTHING I don’t even care!” but now I care.
If you aren’t vegan, or you drink beer, or both, I even have a recommendation for you! Before our train home to Londres, we whiled away the hours (conferring with the flowers) at La Mort Subite, which is a very direly named old-fashioned bar that is suuuupes classic and like French if you are looking for that sort of thing. Rude old men waiters, enormous blocks of cheese, amazing beer (so I’m told), so I have it on good authority (husbo’s) that you should go there. We sat at the window and the people at the table outside had a dog so I was set.
Anyway that’s literally all we did in Brussels.
Sleep
I don’t actually have a recommendation for you, I have an anti-recommendation. An opposite torture, as Michael would say. We arrived in Belgium on the late night Eurostar, so we slept in Brussels before leaving first thing in the morning for Bruges. We stayed in the B&B Hotel Brussels Centre Gare du Midi, right across the street from the train station, just for a cheap simple place to spend the night. It was literally the worst, most uncomfortable bed I’ve ever encountered, and I’ve slept in some random places all over the world. So, just a warning.
Brussels might not be the most charming to look at, but there’s lots of culture that you should immerse yourself in, via the many many museums and tours and more. I did that last time so this was just for how to pass your short day in the non-emerald city. Goodbye!
