Huangshan, China: One of the Most Spectacular Sights in the Country...So They Sayby Randi / August 13, 2017
August 3-4, 2017
Dear little baby infant laptop,
Don’t go to Shangrao.
Dear little baby infant laptop,
Don’t go to Shangrao.
Just don’t do anything that would make you have to go through it or near it or involving it.
I will forever feel guilty that I insisted on adding Huangshan to our itinerary because well ffs it’s one of the top five sights in all of China. But because the weather for our climb was so horrendous, it was kind of a waste. And because of that wasted visit, we had to get a train from Huangshan to Guilin – but the only route featured a 4 hour layover in Shangrao.
I SAID DON’T DO THAT!
Four hours is a long time in a train station with not much to do. But in a station filled to capacity, where 1000 Chinese men are smoking under No Smoking signs (they are hung ironically in this country) and the bathrooms are worse than an ashtray, it’s hell.
We amused ourselves for the first hour by trying to get these crazy Chinese self-heating meals to cook, which was hilarious and actually very tasty for an instant pot meal. The instruction took us half an hour to decipher well enough with Google Translate’s photo option. We were nervous because there are two liquid packs – one for water, which goes with the rice to cook it, and one that goes with the heat pack to make the boiling water – that Google translate identified as ‘FEVER WATER’! So, it’s chemicals! Don’t eat that one!
How it works is, you have two containers, a big and a small, and many vacuum-packed foil containers of food. In the small container, you mix the water, rice, and ‘vegetables’ (I thought they were spices it was so small) packs. Then you put the lid on that one. Then, in the bigger container, you lay down the heating pad looking thing. Then you have to work fast: On top of the heating pad in the big container, pour the non-water-toxic-chemical liquid, and then quickly but carefully slide the smaller container into it without splashing yourself, then you place the UNOPENED foil pack of the main meal on top of the sealed smaller container, and then you cover the whole shibang with the big container’s lid.
i know this picture is too beautiful
AND THEN YOU REALIZE YOU FORGOT TO OPEN THE VENT OF THE BIG CONTAINER’S LID. DON’T DO THAT.
Literally within SECONDS, the entire explosive device we just created puffed out and made teapot sounds because the toxic liquid-heating pad combo was NO JOKE and it was already boiling, and we forgot to open the top lid’s vent. We hurriedly fumbled to use the spork provided to jab it and luckily jabbed it enough that the whole thing didn’t explode all over the train station. Although, while that would have sucked for us, it would have been good to do to the annoying people around us. Anyway, you wait 15 minutes for it to cook, and literally the entire time there is ample steam coming out of that vent. Food science is AWESOME. I’m so impressed by these meal packs in this country. I prefer the non-threatening kind that just requires boiling water, which the trains (and stations, so far) have, but when you don’t have access to it, these are awesome. And fun.
Literally within SECONDS, the entire explosive device we just created puffed out and made teapot sounds because the toxic liquid-heating pad combo was NO JOKE and it was already boiling, and we forgot to open the top lid’s vent. We hurriedly fumbled to use the spork provided to jab it and luckily jabbed it enough that the whole thing didn’t explode all over the train station. Although, while that would have sucked for us, it would have been good to do to the annoying people around us. Anyway, you wait 15 minutes for it to cook, and literally the entire time there is ample steam coming out of that vent. Food science is AWESOME. I’m so impressed by these meal packs in this country. I prefer the non-threatening kind that just requires boiling water, which the trains (and stations, so far) have, but when you don’t have access to it, these are awesome. And fun.
do you see the steam?!
After 15 minutes, we tentatively lifted the main lid and lots of steam came out. Then we set the main food pouch aside to cool a little before we tried opening it, and we checked the rice container. The rice cooked! It cooked too much, actually, and was a bit mushy and sticky, but still, pretty cool. We opened the tofu pouch – I got a mapo tofu box that was marked vegetarian (and our Google-translate-phone-scan confirmed, though it also said it contained ‘dry rock net covers’ and ‘whispers’) – and emptied the contents into the rice box and then I ate it and you know what? For an instant pot meal, it was really good!
And then, we had three more hours to kill.
well as long as it does it carefully i guess
Shangrao station was horrendous. We got there from our short first leg train at about 8pm, and our train wasn’t until midnight. The station was covered in No Smoking signs — with men smoking under them at all times. The bathrooms in the station were the smokiest places I’ve ever been in my life, like walking into big ashtrays. I felt like I couldn’t breathe the entire time. First we tried to get away from the main groups of smokers by sitting in an area a little farther away from the main board, but then station staff kicked us out because they close that area at 9pm. So we moved upstairs and had about an hour there before they kicked us out of there because it closes at 10pm! It was ridiculous. So we were forced to sit in the main station area with a thousand smelly smoky people with every seat taken, until our train. You’d think that at this time of night, a station would start emptying. But it just got busier and busier – there were tons of trains all night long. It was the busiest, dirtiest train station ever. And I simply could not breathe, which made me even more tired than I was anyway. I was eager to get on the train and finally go to sleep.
Hahahaha.
It was another Chinese train of the old sort, none of that fancy G train (the Beijing to Shanghai leg we took) stuff, but I was okay with that. We’ve had plenty of these sorts of trains, and as long as it wasn’t worse than before it would be fine.
Guess whaaat, it was so much worse that it was the worst night yet.
First of all, the train was grosser than any previous one. Dingy, dirty, and jfc the bathrooms. I’ll show you pictures because I just cannot do it justice with words. So gross and wet with things I don’t want us to think about. The beds were dirty, the sheets were stained, the walls were yellowed with age and browned with lack of cleaning in the past decade or so and who knows what else. I keep expecting to find like “Ming was here 1778” scratched into a wall. Our pictures through the windows are just pictures of filth.
was grosser in person
these were trickles
Second of all, it reeked of stale smoke, that awful smell that doesn’t go away. Fresh smoke was of course adding to it, but that awful staleness just would not dissipate. All of our stuff reeks. Fresh smoke you can at least give death stares to the culprit and try to close the source off from your room, but with everything already stale, there’s not much to do.
Next, the bottom bunks don’t lift up for storage like they did on every single other train we took. And the beds are less than a foot off the ground, so we can’t squeeze anything under except our boots. So our huge packs and the strangers’ suitcases are just in the middle of the floor, so we have no floor. Whenever we want to leave the room we have to climb on the two bottom bunks and jump out to the doorway. It’s a f-ing travesty.
But worst of all. Jesus Christ China. Worst of all, the two other beds in our cabin are occupied by two women, and each of them has a CHILD. So because no one gives a shit about laws here, we are six people in this tiny room, us two, two Chinese women, and two children, about 2 years old and maybe 5 years old. When we came in at midnight, exhausted, they were sleeping in the two bottom bunks – meaning, someone was sleeping in my bed. Even though they had paid for tickets for one bottom and one top. We couldn’t get into the room to put our bags anywhere (we didn’t realize that they didn’t fit underneath/that the bottoms didn’t lift up yet) because their giant suitcase and all the kids’ shoes and crap were all over the floor. We had to wake them up. One of the attendants came by to see why we were still standing outside the room and we tried to explain that someone was in my bed. Someone’s been sleeping in myyy bed. She woke up the woman and child and asked them to move up top. Instead of doing that, they all kind of just stood there for 15 minutes. Meanwhile the young woman was sleeping and kept motioning to turn the light off. Like f you lady you’re tired? We are too! Maybe you should have taken the correct beds instead of just planning to make people with the correct tickets move. In retrospect, I feel kind of terrible for making the older lady and the younger child move in the middle of the night, but I think considering I peed during this awful night more than ever because I didn’t sleep, it was better to bother them a lot once than bother them by stepping on them every 45 minutes. ALSO TAKE THE CORRECT SPOT.
Finally she got out and then got on the top bunk, and the attendant was like, all good? And I was like, dude, no, I’m not sleeping on these dirty sheets that these people were sleeping on! So she gathered them up and put them on top so I could get the “clean” ones down but they were still so disgusting. And there were no sheets, actually, just a pillow and a quilt with a duvet that was not actually on, just kind of a suggestion of a duvet that showed you how disgusting the inside comforter was, and you were supposed to taco yourself inside.
It took a while to get settled because there was no room to stand by the bed. My bag is just inside the door next to their suitcase, which knocked into me all night. It was so smoky all night that I had to sleep with my pollution mask, which made it even harder to get enough breath so all night I felt like I had someone sitting on my chest preventing me from breathing. The mask at least maybe made the air I was breathing better? I guess? but I couldn’t sleep with it on. I chose maybe preventing some lung cancer over sleep. We really are in the sticks of China now. No more Beijing and Shanghai fanciness and semblance of propriety. Raw China is wild and kind of frightening.
The children of course got up at 6am or so and were SO F-ING LOUD. And the mother would just respond to them in an equally loud voice. Great job continuing the tradition of ignoring other people and any idea of politeness. They just continued to talk and sing and stuff all morning. And we can’t really do anything because there’s no room to sit. I’m typing this with my knees bent into my chest and the computer on my knees because there’s no other option. I’m like in a small cage with barriers formed by suitcases and child’s toys – three of which, by the way, they just threw directly at me. Kind of hurt. No one said anything. Well I said JESUS F-ING CHRIST but they don’t speak English.
I was in the sink area brushing my teeth next to a man who spent 10 minutes just hacking into the sink and then blowing his nose into the water stream, like by covering one nostril at a time and just honking into the sink basin.
This morning we were stopped for like an hour when we weren’t supposed to be so that’s great, even more time in this shithole. I would 100% rather be in a Mongolian ger camp. At least there was fresh air. And space. So much space. Why can’t China and Mongolia share people or land and then Mongolia would have more than 4 people in its big space and then China could let people spread out a little, maybe put their feet on the floor. Has anyone brought this idea to the UN?
These are the most annoying children I’ve ever met. I usually like children. They are screaming all morning and throwing toys around. The older one just had a giant Cup of Noodles, and then five minutes later the mother gave him a giant bento box looking thing of rice and meat and so much food that she bought off someone walking down the carriage, I think. (They don’t offer to sell us anything). He’s like 6 and eating enough food for 3 adult men. He’s going to throw up on me, I just know it.
I hope Guilin is worth it. Huangshan wasn’t, stupid weather. Just such bad luck! Why are we getting such bad luck? I’m okay rolling with a few things going wrong but this week has been pretty dire.
I just went to the toilet and was in there for literally 30 seconds and someone banged on the door, like hurry up. I went out and said WHAT THE F IS WRONG WITH YOU? It’s kind of freeing not being understood by anyone. But I am losing it. I’m so tired and so angry with these people and the universe for this bad luck. And I’m REALLY sick of everyone on this train staring at us. Everyone keeps walking by our room and stopping to stare, multiple times each. And we can’t shut the door because we all don’t fit with all the luggage with the door closed. So they keep staring. They don’t get a lot of white people out here. It keeps getting worse, the attention, the farther away from the big tourist areas we go. It’s an awful feeling just knowing everyone is staring because you are strange to them. I just want to do whatever I’m going to do and not have to deal with everyone staring. It’s so annoying.
Okay tiny computer, I’m gonna shut you down and close my eyes until we get to Guilin. Pray.
GUILIN
After the train from hell ended, I saw a man holding a sign with my name on it outside the station, booked with the guest house we were staying in for our one night in Guilin before we leave in the morning for Yangshuo, the ‘relaxation’ section of our journey. When I tell you that this man was the worst driver in the history of driving, I know you will have trouble believing it, because 90% are drivers are ‘the worst drivers ever’, and 100% of Chinese drivers fit that bill. (The driving situation in China is without question the worst I’ve ever seen. Now I haven’t been to India so I know they will fight this battle out but I think it’s even money to bet on either as being the worst. Is that how betting works I don’t know. Anyway, drivers in China BLOW.) But even despite weeks now of dodging motorbikes when we have the green walk man, and cursing at cars that run through red lights as if they’re supposed to (no one ever gets pulled over, and everyone should), this man put them all to shame. It was supposed to be a 17 minute drive to our hotel. It took 45 minutes, and he didn’t even get us there.
First of all, he drove so slowly. Not cautious-slowly, as I tend to do (haha I don’t drive), but like, 10 miles an hour in a 50 mph zone slowly. Dangerous slowly. Despite traffic in the bustling city, there were no cars for like 200 feet in front of us at any point because he was going turtle paced. We got frustrated very quickly and tried saying ‘go faster please for the love of god go faster’ but he didn’t understand. We tried in Chinese but he also didn’t understand. No one understands any Chinese we say. I said the word for toilet 15 different ways to someone yesterday with every possible tone combo and she still didn’t get it. It’s TWO SYLLABLES, you can at least try to GUESS what I’m saying. Anyway, this guy didn’t get it and wasn’t moved by our hand motions to go go go, so it took forever. But then after like 10 minutes, he got into a turn lane that was going into an attraction’s parking lot. We were like, wtf are you doing. We tried to tell him that that clearly wasn’t right, and he didn’t get it. Finally he realized his mistake and had to make a u-turn and go alllll the way back down where we came from and alllll the way back to where we’d been to continue straight and omg we were FLIPPING OUT. Finally, a half hour later, he got us in the neighborhood of our hotel, but that’s it. He had no idea where it actually was, he had never been there before. The hotel sent a driver who had no idea where they were located. We asked him to call the hotel, we said call hotel call hotel and made the talking on a phone hand mime, but instead he called a friend whose call he missed. So we called the hotel, and they apologized and said they would send someone to meet us, they were just a few minutes’ walk away. So we got out of the car and told the idiot driver to piss off, and luckily a woman fetched us outside a building five or so minutes later and walked us to the guest house. It was ridiculous. Also, it wasn’t on that main street like its address says; it is down a little alley and behind the main street a ways so if you didn’t know the place, you wouldn’t find it. They should have told the idiot driver where to go.
First of all, he drove so slowly. Not cautious-slowly, as I tend to do (haha I don’t drive), but like, 10 miles an hour in a 50 mph zone slowly. Dangerous slowly. Despite traffic in the bustling city, there were no cars for like 200 feet in front of us at any point because he was going turtle paced. We got frustrated very quickly and tried saying ‘go faster please for the love of god go faster’ but he didn’t understand. We tried in Chinese but he also didn’t understand. No one understands any Chinese we say. I said the word for toilet 15 different ways to someone yesterday with every possible tone combo and she still didn’t get it. It’s TWO SYLLABLES, you can at least try to GUESS what I’m saying. Anyway, this guy didn’t get it and wasn’t moved by our hand motions to go go go, so it took forever. But then after like 10 minutes, he got into a turn lane that was going into an attraction’s parking lot. We were like, wtf are you doing. We tried to tell him that that clearly wasn’t right, and he didn’t get it. Finally he realized his mistake and had to make a u-turn and go alllll the way back down where we came from and alllll the way back to where we’d been to continue straight and omg we were FLIPPING OUT. Finally, a half hour later, he got us in the neighborhood of our hotel, but that’s it. He had no idea where it actually was, he had never been there before. The hotel sent a driver who had no idea where they were located. We asked him to call the hotel, we said call hotel call hotel and made the talking on a phone hand mime, but instead he called a friend whose call he missed. So we called the hotel, and they apologized and said they would send someone to meet us, they were just a few minutes’ walk away. So we got out of the car and told the idiot driver to piss off, and luckily a woman fetched us outside a building five or so minutes later and walked us to the guest house. It was ridiculous. Also, it wasn’t on that main street like its address says; it is down a little alley and behind the main street a ways so if you didn’t know the place, you wouldn’t find it. They should have told the idiot driver where to go.
Luckily, the hotel/guesthouse whatever was lovely. I was very concerned when we were walked down the dirty decrepit alleyway past buildings that were falling apart, but the hotel, the Zen Tea House Traveling With, was perfect. And yes, we booked it just because of that amazing name, so our gamble paid off. TRAVELING WITH. TRAVELING WITH WHAT, GUYS? WITH WHAAAAT? I love it. They were nice and apologetic for the hassle of getting there. We said we weren’t paying for the ride, obviously, and they were like okay sure, so that’s nice we didn’t have to fight for that. They also gave us a box of local candy as an apology later, a black sesame brittle thing which is accidentally vegan and quite good. So I forgive them, I just hate that driver.
And the Zen Teahouse Traveling With room was BEAUTIFUL. It was super cheap, like $25 maybe?? And it was nicer than places we’ve paid $150 for in Europe. Just a beautiful, and very zen, room for us to relax. And shower. Oh we showered so good. My hair is so clean. P.S., I need a g-d haircut when we get to a city with a salon with English speakers. It’s TOO MUCH and TOO BIG for this heat and humidity ahhhh.
Anyway, since we just had that night in Guilin, we didn’t have any touristing on our agenda. Guilin itself, at least the city center, is quite shitty, and the nice things to do are outside of it, like mountains and caves. And when you get there, you might as well be going to Yangshuo for the better, bigger, more famous and important version of those sights, which is what Yangshuo is for. And that’s where we were going the next day, for four full days and nights, so we just did literally nothing for our afternoon and evening in Guilin, and it was great. Just relaxed in that lovely room. I really liked that room. It was clean and simple and set up well for my preferred feng shuiness.
Well, of course we had to leave for food. We went to the vegetarian buffet (so many in this country! usually tied to Buddhist temples) at the Nengren Temple complex, about 45 minutes walk away, which was rough in this heat. We were deciding between that one, which opens at 5pm, and the supposedly all vegan one at Tian Fu Lou, which opens at 6pm, and since we were hungry and the Nengren was a tiny bit closer, we went to the earlier one. Guess what. The restaurant was open when we arrived at 5:15pm, but the buffet doesn’t start till 6pm. Thanks, everything on the internet! Ugh. I went to the supermarket and found lots of crackers that all had milk powder (literally everything in this country, from crackers to soy milk, has milk powder added, what gives, I think it’s a conspiracy) and then we just sat in the restaurant and waited. It was worth the wait though! Nothing outstanding among the dishes but solid good food. And lots of it. They had a custom noodle bowl station that I wish I tried but there was just so much.
ugh I wish I could have this now
We saw some RIDICULOUS advertisements and names for things on our wander.
gross
CHINA NO! NOT OKAY
Parts of Guilin were nice, like the view along the river. However, that view only improves as you travel down (up?) the Li river towards Yangshuo, a gorgeous boat ride we would be taking the next day.
i like water
So, at least I got a decent meal out of Guilin, along with a train ride from hell and a car ride from hell. And a perfectly lovely room at the Traveling With, of course. I was sad to leave that room but excited for our next stop, 4 nights in a place that was supposed to be 100x nicer. Spoiler, it wasn’t. But that’s for next time.
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In Which I Go To Las Vegas On My Own Volition
Hell(o)
Las Vegas is not my kind of place.
First of all, the excessive cigarette smoking is ridiculous. It’s like mad scientists bottled up all the smoke ever smoked in the history of France, Spain, and Italy combined, and then emptied said bottle into an unventilated room, dooming everyone in that room to breathe the thousands of years of strangers’ used smoke in and out, in and out, over and over.
Secondly, the resorts are designed to keep you in, making it so difficult to get out that you’re forced to give up trying, rendering you an impotent, suddenly claustrophobic basketcase with heart palpitations. (During this last trip, it took me 45 minutes to find an exit out of the Caesars Casino & Forum Shops. At that point, I found an Exit door. This led me to an alley and parking garage behind the entire Caesars grounds, with absolutely nothing in sight but desolation and a highway. I could have walked a mile on the highway to get back to the Strip, but instead I was forced back inside that hellhole, for another hour of fun searching for an exit. What. The. Hell.)
Third, I don’t gamble. Or drink. So, yeah, Vegas is not for me.
First of all, the excessive cigarette smoking is ridiculous. It’s like mad scientists bottled up all the smoke ever smoked in the history of France, Spain, and Italy combined, and then emptied said bottle into an unventilated room, dooming everyone in that room to breathe the thousands of years of strangers’ used smoke in and out, in and out, over and over.
Secondly, the resorts are designed to keep you in, making it so difficult to get out that you’re forced to give up trying, rendering you an impotent, suddenly claustrophobic basketcase with heart palpitations. (During this last trip, it took me 45 minutes to find an exit out of the Caesars Casino & Forum Shops. At that point, I found an Exit door. This led me to an alley and parking garage behind the entire Caesars grounds, with absolutely nothing in sight but desolation and a highway. I could have walked a mile on the highway to get back to the Strip, but instead I was forced back inside that hellhole, for another hour of fun searching for an exit. What. The. Hell.)
Third, I don’t gamble. Or drink. So, yeah, Vegas is not for me.
However.
Thanks to Steve Wynn, I am willing to return to my version of hell. The famous casino magnate is now vegan, and he made damn sure that his casino’s restaurants were vegan-friendly. He overshot his mark though, because they are not vegan-friendly; they are vegan MECCAS. Despite the Wynn (and its companion hotel Encores, where many of the restaurants are located) being in Vegas, I’d go back. A lot. I KNOW!
DINNER #1: BOTERO (Encores)
For my first fancy dinner in Las Vegas, I made a reservation at Botero, an upscale, swanky restaurant with dim lighting. (Mostly just mentioning this to justify my photos.) The separate vegan menu offered a five-course dinner for $60. Considering the average entrée cost about $30 on its own, this deal was too good to pass up in this generally pricey place.
Soon after we were seated, our wonderful waiter Ramon brought us glasses of water.
(NB: Since this is my first restaurant review, I will explain a few things. I am always insanely thirsty, and I drink a lot of water. I always need water. Consequently, I always have to pee. Therefore, I will always try to comment on a restaurant’s speediness in bringing water to the table, and the quality of its bathrooms.)
Soon, he brought us a basket of assorted delicious breads and breadsticks. He made sure that it was only full of vegan options, and he even brought us a dish of Earth Balance butter before we could ask! The breads were warm, as all good bread should be, and we happily polished off the basket, not realizing just how much food was coming our way. I never learn.
For my first fancy dinner in Las Vegas, I made a reservation at Botero, an upscale, swanky restaurant with dim lighting. (Mostly just mentioning this to justify my photos.) The separate vegan menu offered a five-course dinner for $60. Considering the average entrée cost about $30 on its own, this deal was too good to pass up in this generally pricey place.
Soon after we were seated, our wonderful waiter Ramon brought us glasses of water.
(NB: Since this is my first restaurant review, I will explain a few things. I am always insanely thirsty, and I drink a lot of water. I always need water. Consequently, I always have to pee. Therefore, I will always try to comment on a restaurant’s speediness in bringing water to the table, and the quality of its bathrooms.)
Soon, he brought us a basket of assorted delicious breads and breadsticks. He made sure that it was only full of vegan options, and he even brought us a dish of Earth Balance butter before we could ask! The breads were warm, as all good bread should be, and we happily polished off the basket, not realizing just how much food was coming our way. I never learn.
First course:
Spring Onion Curry Soup
This creamy soup could easily have been too heavy, what with the hot weather and the curry flavoring, but the spring onion twist, and the crispy spinach accompanying the soup, lightened it. It was just the right level of comfort. A very good start.
Spring Onion Curry Soup
This creamy soup could easily have been too heavy, what with the hot weather and the curry flavoring, but the spring onion twist, and the crispy spinach accompanying the soup, lightened it. It was just the right level of comfort. A very good start.
Second course:
Grilled Vegetable Arepas
Wow. Holy god wow. Ramon mentioned that the arepas were his favorite dish on the vegan menu, and he was right. They might be the best thing I ate during an entire week in Vegas. An incredibly thin, perfectly greasy cornmeal shell was stuffed with grilled vegetables, garlic aioli, and a huge chunk of avocado cooling it off. I could have eaten 1000 of these. I’d happily eat these every day. Just perfection. Wow. I want one right now!
Grilled Vegetable Arepas
Wow. Holy god wow. Ramon mentioned that the arepas were his favorite dish on the vegan menu, and he was right. They might be the best thing I ate during an entire week in Vegas. An incredibly thin, perfectly greasy cornmeal shell was stuffed with grilled vegetables, garlic aioli, and a huge chunk of avocado cooling it off. I could have eaten 1000 of these. I’d happily eat these every day. Just perfection. Wow. I want one right now!
Third course:
Rice Flour Penne
Rice Flour Penne
By this point, I was starting to feel full. I pride myself on my usual ability to eat like that Japanese woman who set the hot dog record, so it really stinks when I falter on important stages. The next two courses were the entrees, and they were regular entrée-sized! However, champions push through. This pasta was nice, with some grilled broccoli and ‘tomato water’. I could have used more broccoli, and overall it was nothing special, but not bad.
Fourth course:
Chicken Gardein
Steve Wynn apparently adores Gardein (with dern good reason), because it shows up on nearly all of his vegan menus. However, it was not just heated up and thrown on the plate like we do at home. This was cooked so well it seemed like a house delicacy. I definitely would not have recognized it as the faux meat I’ve had so often. It was perched atop grilled fingerling potatoes and smooth fava bean hummus. I admit, I could not finish the potatoes. So much food! But this was definitely a wonderful entrée. Gardein is amazing!
Chicken Gardein
Steve Wynn apparently adores Gardein (with dern good reason), because it shows up on nearly all of his vegan menus. However, it was not just heated up and thrown on the plate like we do at home. This was cooked so well it seemed like a house delicacy. I definitely would not have recognized it as the faux meat I’ve had so often. It was perched atop grilled fingerling potatoes and smooth fava bean hummus. I admit, I could not finish the potatoes. So much food! But this was definitely a wonderful entrée. Gardein is amazing!
Fifth course:
Blueberry Ginger Tart
My dining companion asked the waiter if she could substitute the chocolate mousse on the regular vegan menu for her dessert, because she is obsessed with chocolate and couldn’t fathom going without. The amazing Ramon of course made it possible, and I was happy to get to try another item. However, there was no comparison. I usually favor chocolate as well, but this blueberry ginger tart was impeccable. It was warm, covered with almond streusel and blueberry port reduction. And while blueberry and ginger is a pretty perfect combination, what always makes it even better? Lemon. Yup, the tart was complemented by a light lemon sorbet. Perfection. This was definitely in my top ten of restaurant desserts. Good job, Botero!
Blueberry Ginger Tart
My dining companion asked the waiter if she could substitute the chocolate mousse on the regular vegan menu for her dessert, because she is obsessed with chocolate and couldn’t fathom going without. The amazing Ramon of course made it possible, and I was happy to get to try another item. However, there was no comparison. I usually favor chocolate as well, but this blueberry ginger tart was impeccable. It was warm, covered with almond streusel and blueberry port reduction. And while blueberry and ginger is a pretty perfect combination, what always makes it even better? Lemon. Yup, the tart was complemented by a light lemon sorbet. Perfection. This was definitely in my top ten of restaurant desserts. Good job, Botero!
Chocolate mousse, with raspberries & whipped cream
BOTERO at the Wynn/Encores
Water speed: Great; refilled very frequently
Bathrooms: Clean and super fancy individual rooms; never had to wait
Service: Impeccable. Thanks Ramon!
Food: Overall, fantastic and recommended
Bonus: As we walked through the Wynn into Encores, trying to find the restaurant, we passed Brad, Angelina, and the entire Jolie-Pitt clan. And they were so friendly! I got to say hi to Zahara! Best ever!
Water speed: Great; refilled very frequently
Bathrooms: Clean and super fancy individual rooms; never had to wait
Service: Impeccable. Thanks Ramon!
Food: Overall, fantastic and recommended
Bonus: As we walked through the Wynn into Encores, trying to find the restaurant, we passed Brad, Angelina, and the entire Jolie-Pitt clan. And they were so friendly! I got to say hi to Zahara! Best ever!
Las Vegas Lunch: TERRACE POINT CAFE (The Wynn)
For lunch one day, we trekked back to the Wynn to try the Terrace Point Café. Unfortunately, I somehow lost my food pictures, but I will do my best to describe what we ate.
Luckily, it wasn’t too busy when we arrived (boy it got busy!), and we got the prime table outside, adjacent to the staircase leading down to the pool. Beautiful! However, there were pigeons (I think; some kind of bird) surrounding us. One of them pooped about four inches from me, and our waiter promptly stepped in it before I could warn him. When I was in the bathroom, apparently a few were just sitting on our table! We were done eating at that point, luckily for us, because bird diseases.
For lunch one day, we trekked back to the Wynn to try the Terrace Point Café. Unfortunately, I somehow lost my food pictures, but I will do my best to describe what we ate.
Luckily, it wasn’t too busy when we arrived (boy it got busy!), and we got the prime table outside, adjacent to the staircase leading down to the pool. Beautiful! However, there were pigeons (I think; some kind of bird) surrounding us. One of them pooped about four inches from me, and our waiter promptly stepped in it before I could warn him. When I was in the bathroom, apparently a few were just sitting on our table! We were done eating at that point, luckily for us, because bird diseases.
The pool at the Wynn, as seen from our lunch table
We ordered two sandwiches to share:
Tempeh ‘Tuna’ Sandwich on wheat, $18
I don’t understand why this was $18. The tempeh tuna salad was nice, but I’ve made better 100 times. It was served on little circles of wheat bread with the crusts cut off, like two adorable tea sandwiches. It was good, and came with a little side salad, but it cost about 300% of what it should have. Really angered me, actually, especially because of the:
Wynn ‘Burger’ with Cheese, $9
This was pretty good, it came with fun accompaniments, and was half the price of the tempeh tuna! What is up with that? I recommend this one. The burger was mind-blowingly reminiscent of a cheap fast food cheeseburger, in the best possible way (meaning, tasted good and lacked the cow intestines and E. coli mixed in!). A Gardein patty with American soy cheese, ketchup, yellow mustard, pickles, and onions, it tasted just like a 99c special you’d get thrown to you in a drive through. Not only that, it was served with a bunch of quality thin-cut fries and a full-sized chocolate soy shake! So fun! Again, I ask you, why was this half the price of the two little circle tuna sandwiches? Steve? Anybody?
Terrace Point Cafe at the Wynn/Encores
Water speed: Good
Bathrooms: Clean, big, fancy
Service: OK; a few corporate looking groups came in and were more important than us
Food: Just OK, weirdly priced
Bonus: Pool-side table, chocolate shake
Anti-bonus: Bird poop
Tempeh ‘Tuna’ Sandwich on wheat, $18
I don’t understand why this was $18. The tempeh tuna salad was nice, but I’ve made better 100 times. It was served on little circles of wheat bread with the crusts cut off, like two adorable tea sandwiches. It was good, and came with a little side salad, but it cost about 300% of what it should have. Really angered me, actually, especially because of the:
Wynn ‘Burger’ with Cheese, $9
This was pretty good, it came with fun accompaniments, and was half the price of the tempeh tuna! What is up with that? I recommend this one. The burger was mind-blowingly reminiscent of a cheap fast food cheeseburger, in the best possible way (meaning, tasted good and lacked the cow intestines and E. coli mixed in!). A Gardein patty with American soy cheese, ketchup, yellow mustard, pickles, and onions, it tasted just like a 99c special you’d get thrown to you in a drive through. Not only that, it was served with a bunch of quality thin-cut fries and a full-sized chocolate soy shake! So fun! Again, I ask you, why was this half the price of the two little circle tuna sandwiches? Steve? Anybody?
Terrace Point Cafe at the Wynn/Encores
Water speed: Good
Bathrooms: Clean, big, fancy
Service: OK; a few corporate looking groups came in and were more important than us
Food: Just OK, weirdly priced
Bonus: Pool-side table, chocolate shake
Anti-bonus: Bird poop
Hello, lover
DINNER #2: SINATRA (Encores)
If you’ve looked into Las Vegas dining at all, you’ve probably heard of Sinatra. Tucked into the back corner of the Wynn/Encores complex, this restaurant is worth making time for. An old-fashioned, formal dining room with tablecloths, high seats, incredible food, and Frank’s Grammy, Emmy, and Oscar awards on display at the entrance, Sinatra was an almost-perfect dining experience.
We started with a basket full of warm Italian bread and breadsticks. The waiter brought me a dish of Earth Balance, which I was definitely starting to get used to! As usual, I ate an enormous amount of bread. It was good. Is there anything better than warm bread and EB? Hot damn.
If you’ve looked into Las Vegas dining at all, you’ve probably heard of Sinatra. Tucked into the back corner of the Wynn/Encores complex, this restaurant is worth making time for. An old-fashioned, formal dining room with tablecloths, high seats, incredible food, and Frank’s Grammy, Emmy, and Oscar awards on display at the entrance, Sinatra was an almost-perfect dining experience.
We started with a basket full of warm Italian bread and breadsticks. The waiter brought me a dish of Earth Balance, which I was definitely starting to get used to! As usual, I ate an enormous amount of bread. It was good. Is there anything better than warm bread and EB? Hot damn.
The lighting was so dim I swear!
First Course: Estiva Salad
To start, I ordered the Estiva Salad. It was a pretty basic lettuce salad with cucumbers, avocado, tomatoes, black olives, and an oregano vinaigrette, for $17. It was just ok. The oregano vinaigrette was a little too tart for me, and the price seemed extravagant even at this very expensive restaurant.
Really, though, I think I was biased against my salad because one of my companions ordered the famous vegan Caesar salad and I realized I should have ordered the same. I should have ordered 4 of them. Oh my goodness. The ‘Insalatina dell’Imperatore’ ($14) was the best Caesar salad I’ve tasted in my entire life. No exaggeration. I loved the presentation, with the lettuce leaves just about halved, into big 4-inch pieces, stacked on top of each other, drenched in the most incredible lemon-caper Caesar this side of Rome, and topped with an enormous flat crouton. Obviously, this salad is the one to get, and not mine, despite the lure of avocado. Just wonderful.
To start, I ordered the Estiva Salad. It was a pretty basic lettuce salad with cucumbers, avocado, tomatoes, black olives, and an oregano vinaigrette, for $17. It was just ok. The oregano vinaigrette was a little too tart for me, and the price seemed extravagant even at this very expensive restaurant.
Really, though, I think I was biased against my salad because one of my companions ordered the famous vegan Caesar salad and I realized I should have ordered the same. I should have ordered 4 of them. Oh my goodness. The ‘Insalatina dell’Imperatore’ ($14) was the best Caesar salad I’ve tasted in my entire life. No exaggeration. I loved the presentation, with the lettuce leaves just about halved, into big 4-inch pieces, stacked on top of each other, drenched in the most incredible lemon-caper Caesar this side of Rome, and topped with an enormous flat crouton. Obviously, this salad is the one to get, and not mine, despite the lure of avocado. Just wonderful.
Second Course:
Gardein Marsala
Gardein Marsala
For my entrée, I ordered the Gardein Marsala with Gnocchi. There was no doubt in my mind that this was the way to go. With a good-sized Gardein Chick’n breast, cooked and breaded to perfection, covered with Marsala sauce and plenty of delicious forest mushrooms, this dish was heaven. The most heavenly part, as is expected in an Italian restaurant, was the perfect potato gnocchi accompanying the chicken. Gnocchi is good, but when it is done really, really well, it is an unparalleled treat, and this gnocchi was exceedingly well done. At $33, the dish was expensive, but it was so worth it. I definitely recommend it.
Dessert: Cioccolato
Lastly, for dessert, I ordered the Cioccolato, a bar of Valrhona chocolate mousse resembling a fancy Ding Dong (or Ho-Ho, or Twinkie, whichever one was brown), made with almond milk, topped with raspberries, and served alongside delicious chocolate sorbet. This was one of the richest desserts I can remember eating in recent memory, and it would have been hard to eat the whole thing, but I pushed. For you guys. You know on Project Runway when Heidi would say something looked so much more expensive than it was? This dessert tasted like what she meant. The chocolate was so rich, it seemed much more expensive than its $12 price.
Sinatra would have been one of my favorite dining experiences. Except…except for the smoke. Oh my god, the smoke. The restaurant’s location on the edge of the casino floor was one thing, with some smoke wafting in the front. But it was nothing compared to the outdoor patio behind the floor and adjacent to the restaurant. Every time someone went out or came in from this separate patio, clouds of smoke billowed into the dining room and negatively impacted our dining experience. It was such a shame, because every other part of the experience was near legendary. Our very kind waiter, seeing how drastically this was affecting our dinner, brought four or five free desserts to our table. (None of them were vegan; my dining companions said they were unbelievable, though.) The waiter did mention that most people complain about the smoke. I don’t know how the waiters themselves manage to work in such an environment! If they could figure out a solution to improve the air quality (which you would think they’d do, considering that people were trying to taste food here), this restaurant would be one of my favorites. If you think you can deal with this caveat, then I can recommend Sinatra to you.
Sinatra at the Wynn/Encores
Water speed: Solid
Bathrooms: Clean, fancy, very nice
Service: Great; very kind and understanding of the smoke situation
Food: Wonderful
Bonus: Grammy & Emmy & Oscar, oh my!
Anti-bonus: the smoke, of course.
I wish I had the time to try more restaurants at the Wynn! I look forward to hearing from more visitors as word spreads about how insanely vegan-friendly the casino is (and apparently the Mandalay Bay as well!).
Water speed: Solid
Bathrooms: Clean, fancy, very nice
Service: Great; very kind and understanding of the smoke situation
Food: Wonderful
Bonus: Grammy & Emmy & Oscar, oh my!
Anti-bonus: the smoke, of course.
I wish I had the time to try more restaurants at the Wynn! I look forward to hearing from more visitors as word spreads about how insanely vegan-friendly the casino is (and apparently the Mandalay Bay as well!).
Traveling Through Kyrgyzstan, Part 1: The Return to the Yurt Camps
If you’ve been a devoted reader of this here website, then you know that I ABSOLUTELY ADORE sleeping outside in the countryside and worrying 24/7 about bathroom access. Readers familiar with my simply outstanding time in Mongolia will be happy to know that there’s more of that coming. That’s right, our first night in Kyrgyzstan, discussed in the previous post about our entry into this country, was the first night of several back in the yurt camps of my youth. In addition to our first night booked with Kubat Tours, we had an eight-day tour of the country booked with the company NoviNomad, and I was so nervous that it would mirror our Mongolian adventure in more ways than the structure of our sleeping shelters. And while it did – it really did in a few ways – this experience was roughly 100 times better than that in Mongolia, so much so that we said many times “Kyrgyzstan is what Mongolia wishes it could be.” Such a catchy catchphrase right?
Hold on though, because we still had some serious trials and tribulations, especially in the early days. And I’ll be sharing all of them because as expected I wrote diary entries every day. To keep track of all the many things we did and so I don’t get confused with my notes, I’m going to keep the diary entries numbered according to the day of the tour – 1 to 8 – even though it started on our second day in Kyrgyzstan. Don’t be confused it’s okay.
DAY 1
“Maybe this time…I’ll be lucky”
After our night in Tash Rabat, we drove two hours to Naryn, the main city (town) in the Naryn region of Kyrgyzstan. I mean, if another town claimed the title from Naryn when the region is named after it I bet there’d be some dramaaaa. The driver dropped us at a guest house used by the NoviNomad tour company, where we were to meet our driver for the week, Alexandr. I’m spelling it like that because it’s the Russian version and they do that e-less business and it helps you do the accent right. A very Russian (gruff, imposing…not huggable) man came out and said his name was Sacha and he would be our driver for the next 8 days. We were like no our driver is named Alexandr I’m getting so good at saying it in a Russian accent don’t take that away from me! (It was important that we got our right driver because we didn’t pay the (exorbitant) extra price for a guide but were promised an English-speaking driver who could generally do both jobs.) Sacha was not amused and was like, ‘yeah, Sacha, Alexandr, same thing’. Both of us said ohhh riiiiight because we forgot that Sacha is the diminutive/informal/cutesey nickname for Alexandr. I DON’T GET IT EITHER BUT IT’S TRUE. (I then sang the relevant part from “The Great Comet” in my head literally the entire rest of the day: “Countess Natalya Ilyinichna Rostova” “You must call me Natasha”…”Sofia Alexandrovna Rostova” “You must call me Sonia”.) So Mr. I-Won’t-Make-Small-Talk-Or-Be-Warm-And-Jovial-But-It’s-Just-Because-I’m-Like-So-Russian-Not-Because-I’m-Rude packed our stuff in his SUV, where he had a case of water bottles (amazing already), and drove us the far, far distance of…across the street. Our first stop was the Naryn Museum – not wasting any time, just gasoline.
The Naryn museum had this reproduction of a yurt’s dining area, which really looks like all the dining yurt setups at every camp we’d see in Kyrgs except the table settings in real life are gorgeous and abundant
The staff at the museum was HELLA excited for our arrival, and the main lady brought us around and described every item of Kyrgyz history and culture in that small museum in Russian, and had Sacha translate (roughly). The rest of the staff – wayyy too many ladies considering how small and not busy it was – followed us around and offered us bowls of traditional Kyrgyz things that we’d seen on the yurt dinner table (like, weird dried cheese bits, and those Chinese restaurant crunchy noodles which are everywhere). Our own little private awkward tour. It was really nice though, and I could tell it was a very nice museum even if I was too distracted by how much I wanted to tell the ladies ‘you don’t have to be on your best behavior for me!’
Naryn city center
After the tour, we went to the city center for an art museum that was managed by an 8-year-old boy who let us in and turned the lights on. Not weird. It was a good museum, actually, which is quite something considering how sick of museums I am. We went to a cafe for lunch after, and I had my first tomato-cucumber salad of many because of course that’s all I’m going to be able to eat in Central Asia; why should that tradition of my Asian travels ever have to end? I also had a plate of grilled vegetables, the other thing I would come to have pretty much every day for the next month. But hey, it’s veggies!
After lunch, we saw the Naryn mosque, which is covered with pretty blue tiles. It’s a very quick stop because you generally just look from the front and that’s that.
Then we went to the marketplace in Naryn. We thought we’d have to buy our food for the next few days, until the next market stop, as we did on the tour of Mongolia. But it wasn’t clear how long we had to account for and what sorts of things we needed to get; Sacha was like ‘you should get fruit’ (to me) and then kind of told Z he wouldn’t need anything, just whatever he wanted. So confusing! We bought some fruit and Sacha bought a watermelon, and then we figured out from him that that night’s yurt camp would provide our dinner. We didn’t figure out for a few days that ALL our yurt camps and lodging would account for our food (except the meals in restaurants and stuff obviously) in big communal meals so we didn’t actually have to worry about anything! Already so different!
Sacha bought a watermelon and I was sooo excited to see if Kyrgyz watermelon was as good as Xinjiang watermelon. Spoiler: It was. We began our first long drive of the week, towards Song Kul Lake, way up in the mountains at 3000+ meters (almost 10000 feet!). Yes, our first night at Tash Rabat was just slightly higher, but we drove down to get to Naryn and now had to go back up. I’m so into elevation now. Song Kul is right smack in the middle of Kyrgyzstan, so we were already covering some serious ground. Fun fact: Song Kul is covered in snow 200 days of the year, and the SUMMER average temperature is 50 degrees. FAHRENHEIT. Shit’s cold. First, we would stop at a beautiful waterfall on the way. We parked at a random spot halfway up a mountain and hiked to the waterfall and it was beautiful! I was so happy: we had broken up a long drive with a hike, and I had fruit. Already better than I feared.
THERE IT IS I SEE IT
After we saw the waterfall, Sacha cut the watermelon and kept giving us piece after piece. It was amazing, probably because all the aspects of this excursion included my favorite thing (water, get it). I was so giddy on Day 1 being so much better than the last Day 1 of a country tour that the next half of the drive to Song Kul was like a punch to the gut. Like, it really was, considering it was full of watermelon and the roads starting getting scary. They were really windy, winding up and up around the mountain like those cliffside terrors in Italy (I did not look out the window) and then they started getting Mongolian – as in, no roads, just rocky terrain. It was really rough for a few hours as we maneuvered over rocks as we went higher and higher up a mountain, so that was something else. Don’t look down! Finally we got to a clearing and got out so Sacha could show us the small hills that were ancient gravesites, the likes of which are all over the country. It was interesting but not as great as the fact that the field was covered in edelweiss, and when Sacha informed us of this fact, he started singing “Edelweiss” to himself for like, a long time. Maybe we will get along, Gruff Russian, maybe we will become best friends indeed.
winding mountain roads
SUPER winding mountain roads
No roads, yes animals
Finally we got to our camp on Song Kul, although it wasn’t so much ‘on’ or ‘near’ Song Kul as it was ‘closer to that lake than any other lake in the world’. You couldn’t see it from the camp but we got a picture from the drive. The camp was pretty decent otherwise – there are REAL TOILETS in little wooden shacks! And there’s a sink – not a bucket sink, but a real sink piping out freezing cold water. The wooden toilet shack is actually two toilet stalls and two ‘shower’ stalls, which have basins and buckets of various sizes for doing bathing via buckets but hey if it works! Luxury!
Dinner was mix of the same vegetables as always now, plus a plate of kasha and rice. I was super pumped to get kasha; it’s actually a good protein source. It was an awkward as ass dinner though, because it was communal, as all future ones would be, and they tell you where to sit, and I was seated in the very center of a semi-circle. Z wasn’t feeling well so skipped it, so here I was in the middle of 30 some people just being weird and awkward and silent. The two groups on either side of me were both big tour groups, so they were very talkative among themselves but also very curious about me and just staring like hey what’s your deal? To get to my position I had to step on everyone already seated (you sit on the floor in the yurts) because the table was around the edge of the yurt. I also left early because hell if I was going to sit and be stared at any longer than I needed to and so upon leaving I also stepped on 15 people. Fun times.
After dinner, I asked if I could shower – I hadn’t since China, remember. The yurt people boiled some water and brought it into the stall for me. So inside this wooden stall is a basin of the boiled water, a tub of cold water, and various buckets and utensils for mixing the two and pouring over yourself. So, maybe in my eagerness to be ‘clean’ I didn’t think this through all the way. See, it was freezing outside. Remember I said last night that it was the coldest I’d ever been? Well, now let’s travel into an even colder region and then VOLUNTARILY BE WET. I was shaking-shivering even before I poured the water over myself the first time. I tried to shave my legs but they were so be-goosebumped that it was extremely painful and I couldn’t do it, it would have just resulted in the little bumps bleeding. I knowww! I used mostly boiling water and just didn’t stop shivering. The sink was outside the stalls, in the freezing wind, so I had to use that when I was done to brush my teeth and stuff. I have never been that cold in my life. As soon as I could, I ran back the 220 paces to our yurt (that’s right, the toilets were better here but farther! 220 paces!!) and flopped on my mattress with literally 15 blankets and quilts over me. We were luckily in what appeared to be a storage yurt, so the sides were filled with stacks of extra mattress pads, quilts, and blankets. I used everything I could carry. Getting in and out of that contraption for my nighttime peeing (right outside the yurt that’s right) required all my strength to lift it off of me, it was so hilarious, like a reverse princess and the pea. I could make another pee joke with that but I won’t. Anyway it barely worked. See, blankets and stuff keep warmth in, but they don’t generate warmth; you have to do that yourself with your body. So if one’s body, say, refuses to generate any heat to begin with, you’re just a cold fool under 4 mattress pads, 9 blankets, and 6 quilts. I shook all night. Man alive.
Day 2
“Into the woods and who can tell what’s waiting on the journey”
The next morning, I was in no mood. The car was locked and I was out of water, and the yurt owner people didn’t have any, and Sacha was nowhere to be found. Finally one of his guide friends told us he was still sleeping. LUCKY HIM. I was so tired and thirsty and miserableh. Someone got Sacha and he opened the car and I drank 2 liters right there in front of him. So, why were we up and he wasn’t? Well, today, Day 2, we would hike 10 kilometers (pretty long!) to our next yurt camp with a local Kyrgyz guide, giving Sacha the day off, plus most of tomorrow off while we did another long hike with the local guide to the next-next camp, where Sacha would be waiting. There were no roads or paths or anything so navigating around the mountains required local expertise, from someone born in this area. The local guide didn’t speak English, which really pissed me off at NoviNomad because they never told us this part. Luckily he spoke Russian (everyone does here) so we personally were fine but no one at NoviNomad knew that we knew any Russian (they don’t know that we know they know we know!) so they were okay with their tourists just not being able to communicate? FIE.
Luckily there was a dog.
The yurt people had him tied up (cryface) but I was told it’s because he’s a baby and there’s like not a fence or any sort of boundary because we are just out in the open so it’s until he learns not to run away? I wanted to take him. Oh but wait till tonight’s camp!
So we left our Song Kul yurt camp (bye toilets) and began our 10K trek to our next yurt camp in the jailoo of Kelemche. Jailoo is the name of the type of landscape, these sprawling summer pastures in the mountains that are used for cattle and all kinds of pasture activities, I don’t know. I know you’re probably like 10 kilometers is nothing hush your face, but it was mostly uphill! Ahhh! But it was pretty. OH so, this was supposed to be a horse trek to Kelemche jailoo, following by another even longer horse trek tomorrow from Kelemche to Kyzart village, our next destination. But after Mongolia we emailed NoviNomad and we were like NOPE CUT THE HORSES NO MORE HORSE RIDING WE WILL JUST WALK XOXO gossip girl. Luckily the very helpful Madina, who helped us plan everything, said that it was doable by foot, even though she didn’t really understand why we were so vehemently anti-horse riding all of a sudden. (Horse riding sucks.)
Our local guide was named Melis, I’m definitely not spelling it right but it sounded like that. He was pretty great except he was clearly amused by how slow we were compared to him. We didn’t grow up climbing these mountains like you did, MELIS! He rode a horse because he had no problem with them and put our day packs and water in the saddle bags (sorry horsie I’ll drink fast). And we just trudged behind him. Kind of hilarious.
Hiking uphill, the whole first half of the trek, was really difficult at this altitude, which made it harder than it would have been otherwise. At a particularly pretty stretch, we stopped for a picnic that Melis had packed us. It was nice but so funny: whole cucumbers, whole tomatoes, and boiled potatoes, plus bread and fruit. If I didn’t hate raw tomatoes beforehand, having to bite into them like handfruit (THEY’RE NOT FRUIT FOR HUMAN PURPOSES) did the trick. The nectarines and peaches he brought were superb. What is it about the fruit in this region! I’ve never really noticed a difference, even in tropical places, with quality of fruit before. While we ate, we saw our first other hikers of the entire day! We had seen a decent amount of horseback riders (not a ton – we were still in the middle of Kyrgyzstan – but a decent amount taking that into consideration) but here were our first fellow walkers. They were trudging with even more difficulty than we were, so I joked to Melis, “See we are not the slowest people out here!” Melis responded, “but they have their packs on.” Duuuuuude you’re not supposed to burn your clients like that! Gonna pretend the Russian was something else and I misunderstood.
i was planning to pee behind this rock but then this horseback tourist decided to sit on it for some deep thinking ughhhh white boys
i fucking hate this hat why does it refuse to reform into ANY other shape that doesn’t make me look like a cartoon rancher. ps i’m wearing like 4 shirts
The second half was slightly downhill, which was easier on the lungs but harder for me. Why? Because the path was all tiny little pebbles and rocks, and for some reason (seriously if anyone knows please tell me), whenever I step on little pebbles and rocks, I skid. Badly! I despise gravel paths! No matter how I walk or what shoes I wear or how I balance or how much I brace my core, I skid on all gravelly paths. It’s RIDICULOUS. I nearly fell every few steps and Z was like SERIOUSLY WHAT IS HAPPENING? Am I missing something very obvious about how to walk on these things? Did I fake illness that day in Necessary Human Skills school? Damn my love of sleep!
We got to our next camp a little after noon. It was, how do you say, ah yes, not nice. It was actually probably the most dilapidated and whack camp yet. We had nothing to do the rest of the day, no activities or anything, so I spent a lot of time taking inventory of our yurt. There were holes in the shelter covered over with clear plastic bags. There were ants everywhere because there wasn’t a real floor covering, just a bit of carpet but then mostly grass. A weird, heavy anchor swung down from the center hole, I’m sure to keep it standing but we’d never seen that in any of the previous yurts. It was a small yurt and the mattresses on the floor were positioned right around the anchor so I hit it A LOT, and it was f-ing heavy. Like, an anchor.
So I was complaining a lot about how gross this camp was, and Z got quiet and said, “Hey…were you a Girl Scout?” Um have we met? Hell no I wasn’t a Girl Scout, I wasn’t even a Brownie! I just went to all the Disney on Ice shows with the Brownie troop because I was friends with the leader’s kid! I have such great Disney souvenir cups from my Icees. Anyway, so no, not a Girl Scout. He then asked, “Wait, have you ever camped before?” Again, nice to meet you! No I haven’t camped, like in tents and stuff? With the ELEMENTS? f that noise! I never even had to go on the obligatory one-night-in-the-woods camping trip at overnight camp! Z got even quieter and then said, “I wish I knew that before this trip.”
Apparently the picnic wasn’t our actual lunch, because soon we were called to lunch in the food yurt with the family who lived there and a bunch of random shepherds. It was AWK. They were all speaking Kyrgyz to each other and we just kinda sat there. The food was good, some kind of yummy cabbage and potato filled crepe-y thing. I liked that everyone was given the same meal, like because of my veganism I made everyone skip meat for a meal. Yay! I think I heard them say that I eat a lot of watermelon though.
I was excited that the outhouse area, despite being up THE STEEPEST HILL EVER, had a real toilet inside. Unfortunately, the toilet was broken, so we were to use the regular out shithouse farther up the steep af hill. This hellshack was tied for first with worst campsite toilet I’d ever seen, so THAT wasn’t great! Luckily our yurt was at the end of the camp so I didn’t have to worry about anyone seeing me out there. Except a cow and a few dogs at night who were REALLY unhappy that I was in their space. Dudes.
But it was all okay, because my little Bearnutfriend was there.
DO YOU SEE THE ABSOLUTE BEAR NUTTERY OF THIS LITTLE BOY BEAR BUTTER??? OH MY GOD!!! I played with him the rest of the night. Little guy omg! One of the other tourists tied him up (MEAN!) because he was a biter – and I mean a real biter. He had little baby butter teeth so it didn’t really hurt but he didn’t really stop DID you you little nutter butter bear baby you! I LOVED HIM. I really wanted to take him home, so badly. But the little kids who lived there took good care of him.
Here I am saying, “Little bear baby! I thought we talked about biting! No biting silly button butter! We talked about this!”
And then here I am saying, “Oh I can’t stay mad at you little boopily bear baby you’re too cute here’s my hand again you can bite it”
Of course I untied this little bugger. And of course then he started biting my ankles, right through my HeatTech leggings (which don’t work anyway UNIQLO).
Near the camp was a natural spring that we could fill our water bottles with! We were really hesitant about whether it was actually safe to drink; Melis said it was but our soft Western tumnuses require different levels of safety than hardier folk. But despite actually seeing horses drinking from the same place, we did not get sick! Yippee! The water poured out superfast from a little spot above a creek and it was a fun adventure to try to fill the jugs without falling in the creek.
Dinner was another communal affair but with a more friendly tourist group tonight, a group of Swiss and Israelis. The Swiss girl closest to us who we chatted with called Israelis ‘Israelian’. LOVES IT! Dinner for me was the vegetable filling from lunch, plus – you know it – a cucumber-tomato salad. Do we ever expect anything different? I love the traditional Kyrgyz table setting, though. They have all been so lovely, with baskets of bread, baskets of the Chinese noodle jawns, plates of the Chinese noodle jawns but fried in sugar, bowls of apples, bowls of wrapped candies, plates upon plates of melons, and fancy little glass containers filled with assorted jams for tea (or bread, I guess, but I definitely became a convert to the whole putting-jam-in-your-tea thing. Well, I hate tea, but when I was forced to drink it. We’ll get there).
Guess what! I actually slept that night! It was still freezing, but we had a fire, and because the yurt was smaller than our storage yurt the night before, the fire actually heated the little space. Also we were like 1000 meters lower now. The stars were GLORIOUS. Not as incredible as that one night in Mongolia on the lake was, but still the second best I’ve ever seen. I noticed that every night I pee while looking at Orion’s belt; I’m just always oriented that way. WEIRD. Z told me I talk about peeing too much. Lol gurl please. I share literally every detail of what we do (mostly for me when my memory goes) and I just happen to spend most of my time peeing. You’d rather NOT read about a person’s bodily functions? HA!
Part 2 soon!
