Shanghai, China: Why is Chinese London So Crowded...AND SO HOT?by Randi / August 7, 2017
Honestly, if you ask me about Shanghai’s food or what I ate, my very first thought is, “When can I go back?” I didn’t even scratch the surface of what there is on offer for vegans, but what I tried was incredible.
Oh, and if you came here from the previous post just to find out what toon bags are, that’s at the last section, but why would you want to skip all this food before that? Do you SEE how delicious it is? I mean you can’t see deliciousness but just look how good. Dammit I love Shanghai’s food!
Oh, and if you came here from the previous post just to find out what toon bags are, that’s at the last section, but why would you want to skip all this food before that? Do you SEE how delicious it is? I mean you can’t see deliciousness but just look how good. Dammit I love Shanghai’s food!
Shanghai is famous for a few specific dishes, like xiaolongbao, the famous soupy dumplings (apparently, not to be confused with ‘soup dumplings’ which are a different kind of dumpling filled with soup? It’s all very specific but hey, they are still soup dumplings to me). Unfortunately, I have not been able to find vegan version of soup dumplings (hit me up if you know where to go!) anywhere in the world, and I didn’t find them in Shanghai, but I did find a lotttt of other buns and dumplings so I was happy. As you know from my Beijing food post, I really like dumplings. And I shared my first meal in Shanghai in the first Shanghai post, because it was a food court salad (RG though!) at the Shanghai Tower. Today we are going to talk about the other three meals I had in Shanghai, at amazing vegetarian restaurants that I want to go to again and again and try everything at because they were phenomenal. I’m kind of surprised that I don’t have more food to share but it was super hot and I think I just ate a lot of fruit while there. China has incredible fruit! Also, a lot of bubble tea.
Speaking of, before we get to the food:
Guys, I mean, I’ve had bubble tea before, many times. I’ve always thought it was kind of whatever, sweetened tea which I don’t like with weird tapioca balls at the bottom that are just super weird. But apparently, bubble tea in China has done what olives did in Portugal – completely changed my view on them and tastebuds and just did a complete brain reversal because now I love both. In Portugal, I grew to love olives because a lot of the time they were literally the only food (and bread) that a town had for me! But here, I’m just like, immediately obsessed with bubble tea. I crave those little bubbles SO hard.
After the acrobatics show we saw in our favorite place in Shanghai, Expat Centre (not its real name), we found this cafe called Pure & Whole, a small chain in Shanghai of ‘clean’ healthy food with vegan options clearly marked. Now normally I would wholeheartedly boycott any place or any person describing food and not underwear as ‘clean’, but I can’t afford to have all the morals when traveling. Also I can chalk it up to a langauge barrier? Or just the message about that kind of judgmental bullshit hasn’t reached China yet. But I admit I had to get food here, because they had big salads, great looking salads the likes of which I hadn’t seen since Moscow. So, considering we had already eaten dinner but the following day was a travel day, I got an amazing salad and an order of quinoa balls to go. Hehe balls. The quinoa patties were mixed with onion, kale, garlic, mung bean, whole grain breadcrumbs, and spices. Haha I copied that from the menu. The salad, hoo boy it was WONDERFUL sounding. I got the Popeye, which was spinach, mung beans, lentils, cooked spinach, edamame, hen of the woods mushrooms, broccoli, coconut bacon, scallions, wakame, avocado, and miso dressing. I MEAN. Could you BE any more perfect for me? It had lentils! Avocado! Want to hear it become even more perfect? They said they had run out of spinach, and I said “is there another green to substitute?” They said they had kale. I think they were concerned at how happy that made me.
Because they were takeout containered, the pictures are even less appetizing than my usual ones, and I cannot in good faith share what they looked like outside the restaurant’s preferred plating ideals. You don’t want to see what the beige quinoa fritters looked like in their beige container in the beige-ifying light of our hotel room the next day. Nor do you want to see the salad stuffed into a container that was just too small for its grand size. Both were very good though, and I would love to eat at P&W and try other things. They had a great sounding menu, and I really enjoyed the things I got. They also sent a packet of pita bread in my to-go bag! I guess it came with the patties or the salad, which is awesome. Yippee for bread (so rare in China! I haven’t had bread in so long because most of the bread here is eggy or milky)!
Okay, onto the more important stuff, our two spectacular dinners. First, we went to a fancy (we didn’t know it would be fancy!) vegetarian restaurant with wonderful reviews called Vegetarian Life Style. I like that the front says life style as two different words because I like to think they mean vegetarian life AND vegetarian style, because we are so stylish. I mean just check out the style section of this blog which I literally have not updated in four years lolol. Maybe I will do that soon and write about my extraordinarily unfashionable travel clothes. ANYWAY, the restaurant. It was PACKED and in a very swanky neighborhood, JiangNing, so that was great to see. We weren’t as hungry as we usually are so we didn’t order as much as we usually do, which is a DAMN DIRTY SHAME.
Why such a shame? Because the food may have been the best actual quality we had so far in China. Every dish was superb. I’ve loved most of the vegan food we’ve found so far even if it wasn’t exactly exceptional but these dishes really were. As always, we first needed a green vegetable, and I got this broccoli stem looking jawn that wasn’t broccoli but some kind of chinese cabbage I don’t know it was so well done and came with an incredible mushroom mix with more green stems. I love green stems almost as much as green leaves, and they are better than leaves when cooked!
Then we got this super spicy tofu dish that was mixed with lots and lots of chilis, celery, mung beans, bean sprouts, and cauliflower, and it came in an ON-FIRE cauldron. Seriously, the dish came over a gas burner, aflame, that did NOT go out ever! When we finished eating it was still going and was starting to be scary so a guy came over and extinguished it when we asked. But because of that eternal flame, the dish stayed PIPING hot, which was really funny but like, I needed it to cool off! Luckily it was, like I said, delicious.
Lastly, we got probably my favorite noodle dish so far in China, a spinach noodle bowl topped with bok choy and a spicy chopped tofu mixture. It was so flipping great. I would like to have this now please.
If/when I go back to Shanghai, Vegetarian Life & Style Magazine may very well be my first stop.
Well, maybe my second stop.
THIRD FLOOR, YO. THIRD FLOOR
The Jen Dow vegetarian buffet is without a doubt my favorite buffet in the world. Inside the Jing’ian Temple complex not too far from Expat Centre, Jen Dow is this big building above filled with vegetarian dining. The first floor is a casual cafeteria full of locals, plus a vegetarian bakery (I doubt anything is vegan). The second floor is a restaurant with Chinese and Western menus. The fourth floor is a more expensive version of the second floor, with Chinese and Western menus PLUS VIP rooms, whatever that means. But the third floor, guys. The third floor is WHERE IT’S AT. That’s the vegetarian buffet, an all-you-can-eat extravaganza that we read in advance was quite expensive for China (about $35 USD, which is our most expensive meal yet), but that the food was really good. We figured it’s worth a try, and even if it’s so expensive at least you can eat all you can!
I was not prepared for how beautiful everything about this place was. It was so fancy (we were, again, not dressed appropriately for our tastes but a) no one cared and b) we don’t have nice clothes on us). And the buffet went on FOR MILES. I have never seen such an enormous, gorgeous buffet. Everything was clearly marked with what had egg and what had milk (most of the desserts, which I expected, but not much of the actual food!). I have never eaten so much in my life but still wanted more. Everything was at least good, most things were great, and some was spectacular. Because it’s a ginormous buffet with literally 540030 different dishes, I have no idea what I ate and what’s in these pictures I’m about to send your way, but know that it was wonderful and I can’t wait to go back.
I know you’re like JESUS did you just share every picture you took? Hell I didn’t even share all my pictures of the DISPLAY. It kept going. An hour in I asked Z what he was eating because I hadn’t seen it and we realized that I had missed the lineup along one ENTIRE WALL. And guess what was over on that wall, guys? THE TOON BAGS! Teased in the previous post.
They were really fun and yummy! Everything was. I had soo much mock meat, all of it epic. So many great vegetable dishes. I tried stinky tofu for the first time – it is stinky! Why do people eat it! I had so many dumplings and steamed fluffy buns and amazing noodle dishes. There were endless arrays of juices and ‘enzyme’ shots which were like vinegary juices (like shrubs!). All of it was incredible.
I really need to return here. FFS, there were entire SECTIONS I didn’t even enter! This hot area had a make your own noodle bar (I KNOW) and a make your own hotpot bar (I KNOW!) but there was just too much food and we couldn’t try everything, no matter how hard we tried. It was epic. I highly recommend the Jen Dow buffet if you are in Shanghai. And please take me with you.
So, after our China journey began with amazing food in Beijing, we continued to be impressed and blown away in Shanghai. After we left these big cities, the quality would decrease as is expected, but we are still eating pretty darn well. Stay tuned!
Related Posts
Traveling While Vegan in: Mexico City (Part 1: Hipodromo, La Condesa, Roma)
“Hey, do you guys know a good place where I can get Mexican food?…Oh, Mexico, duhh!” Just like Judge Gen on The Good Place, my love of Mexican food runs hella deep (although I do not have the ability to add essence of time to my burritos). We finally made it to Mexico City, what the cool kids call CDMX (for Ciudad de Mexico), and we forking LOVED it. All of it too, not just the (amazing) (omg so good) (and so vegan-friendly) food, which is a huge deal for something who tends not to breathe in heavily polluted cities. Okay I’m not saying we loved the pollution (hates it!) or the traffic but the rest of it, you bet your bottom dollar we loved.
After our incredible time in the Yucatan (that link will show all the Yucatan posts at the beginning!), we flew from Merida to Mexicity funtimes. PS, the Merida airport doesn’t have vegan food but it DOES have giant waters after security, which is the most important thing. (The airport was also playing my absolute favorite song from the band Jesse & Joy, a Mexican duo that I hadn’t thought about in years so I was like almost crying, it was so amazing. (They are amazing truly check them out.)) Okay food is important too, so that was bad planning on my part. The flight was 10:50am, landing (bumpily) in CDMX at 12:50pm. By the time we got through customs and got our bags, it was like hella late! 2pm! Where’s our first day! I guess it was not a good day to not plan for lunch, I’ll tell you that. The airport has mmmnothing. So don’t be like me! Be smart!
It’s okay I just love them so much!
We took an Uber to our hotel because the metro wouldn’t have helped much timewise (and we were crankypants), but MAN ALIVE, the drive into the city from the airport was hell. Sitting in traffic was definitely the worst part of the whole experience (and I had to go to the hospital another day! we will get there), just sitting on crammed highways and smelling/seeing the pollution. We walked everywhere and used public transit from that point on.
Luckily, everything picked up from there! We got to the Hipodromo section of the La Condesa neighborhood to our hotel, Casa Mali. Guys, I don’t think i can do justice to how BEST EVER this hotel was. First of all, the room was not a room but more like a surprise serviced apartment: a little kitchen with a full-size fridge (and a blender!), a dining area, a gorgeous bedroom, a sun-lit bathroom. We were on the top floor (yes it was called a penthouse but it was like 4th floor, it’s a small boutique place and it’s perfect) so not sure if this was an upgrade sitch but I wasn’t going to ask questions.
(not pictured: A+ wall unit the bed points to and another big tv, plus on the left side you can sort of see the beginning of an INCREDIBLY GIGANTIC CLOSET AREA)
But aside from a great shower, a huge fridge, a lovely bed, all these wonderful aspects of the room, what could there be that actually made me sob with happiness and disbelief at our good fortune? Guys what’s my favorite thing in the world??
A WASHER AND A SEPARATE DRYER! AHHHHH! I screamed, I really did, and then I immediately told my mom and my best friend so they could scream (they know how much I love a good dryer). I know this is weird but they don’t do dryers right/at all in England so this was huge for us. And those of you who followed along on our Central Asia trip a few years ago (check the DESTINATIONS tab at the top) know how much I love (/how anxious I get about) doing laundry when I’m traveling.
Obviously I immediately washed all of our clothes and then did my second favorite thing to do when traveling: completely unpack.
(not pictured: water shoes lol)
The hotel had a roof deck with a tiny hot tub and a “gym” – and by “gym” I mean a teeny lil room with an elliptical and a treadmill but no real room to get on them, lol. Our room was spacious enough that I worked out in there! (ABYB: always bring your bands!)
Okay that’s enough about the room because you know what the best part of this hotel was? Well what do I love even more than a clothes dryer that actually works? The same thing I love more than life:
Doggos.
People. The hotel was located right on a park, which according to google maps is called simply Parque Mexico, which cannot be right. But not just any park: It was a dog park. It was packed full of good boys literally everywhere you turned, all day every day. I honestly would have been happy not seeing any of Mexico City and just walking around this dog park every day. I could NOT handle it! So cuteeee! In fact, one day, there was a doggo adoption fair going on in the park. Right outside our front door. Can you even? I could not even.
Mexico City is like, UNNERVINGLY large, so instead of breaking up the experience in the usual way (separate posts for activities, hotel + food, &c), we are going to talk about each neighborhood that we explored in separate posts. It’s so big that it’s no good to you if we talk about a restaurant near x activity in a post that isn’t about x activity! It’s like REALLY big so you have to plan ahead and know what you’re after. We’ll continue today with our BFF nabe, where we set up our base: Hipodromo in the La Condesa neighborhood, about the southwest corner of the very central section of the city. It’s right near the Roma neighborhood, and we excitedly took pictures outside the Roma house even though the movie was like, just okay.
Read my thoughts on Roma and every other important movie of 2018 here!
i was looking at a dog
I’m SO glad we had a friend recommend staying in La Condesa. CDMX is GIGANTIC (i’m going to say that a lot) and figuring out where to stay or even where to go is seriously stressful, so having an insider’s opinion on what neighborhood we’d like most was priceless. La Condesa is a really nice, chill, hipster, semi-quiet very-neighborhoody area with lots of good businesses, and full of green spaces. That last one really helps you feel comfortable in a city where not many people feel comfortable. In fact, most people I know who have been to CDMX in real life have hated it! I think your enjoyment hundo p depends on what sections of it you explore and where you stay. All the pollution and cars and HUBBUB that you’ll encounter throughout your day pretty much sucks, so having to stay in an area that is also super pollution + cars + HUBBUB would be terrible. La Condesa was so calm and green and cool, it was like a refuge we could return to after hubbubbing all day, a refuge that is still jam-packed with activity but in a cool neighborhoody way.
I’m also super grateful to our expert-friend for recommending this neighborhood because he based it mostly on its proximity to Tacos Hola, also known as Tacos El Guero, also known from its sign as Tacos Hola El Guero but that’s not the name, it has to be one of the other variations. Anyway, this super unassuming lil almost-hole-in-the-wall joint was INCREDIBLE. There were big pots of all these different kinds of fillings and you just say which pots you want in a taco. There’s also a big picture-board of all the menu options which you know is the best forking thing in a foreign country.
It doesn’t look like much, but that’s because they are LEGIT, not worried about the gram but about the taste and the authenticity and the general amazeballsness. AMAZE. And the people were really nice and friendly despite my horrible attempts at communicating.
Alright, it’s time for some culture – we will get back to tacos later, as 90% of what we did was eat tacos. Our big To-Do list for Mexico City was literally to go to the Museo Nacional de Antropologia, or the National Anthropology Museum. Now, if ever a museum has attained A Reputation, it’s this one, famed for requiring not a whole afternoon, not even an entire day, but entire daysss, plural, to even scratch the surface. We tried, my lord how we tried, and we did not even finish the first floor. It is INTENSE, it is dense with information, and it is incredible.
The MNDA, former name of MDMA, from here on in referred to as the Anthropology Museum because I’m realizing what a horrible acronym that makes, is the largest and most visited museum in Mexico. It’s in Chapultepec Park, a giant, lovely park to stroll around with lots of other important sites: the Castillo de Chapultepec (a castle on a hilltop with a history museum), a modern art museum, several fountains and monuments, a lake, a zoo (don’t go to zoos!), a Canadian Totem…? LOTS. We meandered through the park on the walk from our hotel so it took about an hour to get there.
We also, obvs, were stopping to try every awesome bit of street food we saw.
The museum costs 75 pesos to enter (about $4), so one of the highest values in all of museuming considering the quality and quantity of what’s inside (“everyone wants to know what’s insiiiiide”). The only bad thing is they do not let you bring liquids – even water – in, and Mexico City isssss hot. Because “I promised” not to drink what was left (not that much!) from my giant bottle, the security guards let me in with it, and I drank when I was in between rooms and near bathrooms, but I didn’t have nearly enough. After a few hours of rationing when I really could not afford to be rationing, I ran to the cafe at the end of the first floor only to find they had CLOSED FOR THE DAY. I mean, WTF. Guess who else closed for the day? The fancy restaurant! I was like please please I need water I’m literally dying, and they said they could fill my bottle from the tap. Well. If you know anything about traveling to Mexico, not drinking tap water is like rule numero uno. I knew that, and my face conveyed that I knew it to the guy who offered, because he quickly added “the water is filtered from this tap.” And honestly, I didn’t know if filtered meant safe for my weak ass tumnus, but I was going to find out because I needed water. Luckily, I am happy to report I did not get sick. PROCEED WITH VISIT!
So, a museum of anthropology is not full of cute dresses that are supes overpriced until they go on sale and you have to root through those overstuffed racks and honestly in the past few years it’s not even worth it anymore; whoever is doing their buying should be working at Free People because the aesthetic is off. ANYWAY, no, anthropology is the scientific study of humans, human behavior, and past and present societies. (The study of (near-) future societies is called Idiocracy by Mike Judge.) The museum is packed with archaeological and anthropological artifacts from Mexico’s pre-Columbian heritage, with lots of Aztec finds. Even if you don’t think you are interested in anthropology, you gotta see the big f-ing thing, okay?
Considering the extent of what we saw on our first day literally fills four years’ worth of college anthro courses (I took one and it was too cold in the hall so I did not learn SHITE), I’m going to just share my highlights from the museum instead of like, leading you through it. There are tons of good highlight guides online if you need guidance for when you are there.
Considering my line of work (you can ask if you want), I loved that my visit began with a sign calling humans chumps for trying to feel superior to chimps. I am so going to throw the phrase “nothing but an evidence of anthropocentric arrogance” at some bitches.
“well maybe he was nervous.”
The museum is laid out like a big rectangle, with each room opening to the inner courtyard on the inside and having outdoor exhibit extensions on the perimeter. I was grateful for these outdoor sections because no one can yell at you for drinking water outside! It rains!
Below is the Aztec sun stone, maybe the most famous Aztec sculpture. Its complexity has attracted tons of interpretations from scholars but I bet none of them are right.
So that was a quick and dirty tour through…the things I took pictures of, so if you are in CDMX, know that you must go and you must devote lots of time to a proper visit. (And let me know what’s on the second floor; we never made it!)
After all that learning, we all deserve a delicious reward:
MOAR TACOS! We treated our time in CDMX as any wise person should: as a chance to do the taco cleanse and to do it right. La Pitahaya was on my list because it’s hundo p vegan and had great reviews on trusty old HappyCow. Also, it was a 20 minute walk from our hotel, which is pretty much as close as anything could be in this city.
We enjoyed delicious tamales, a special from Mama that day (I’m assuming), and AMAZ tacos. They have six or so taco kinds, so we thought it would be normal to have 3 each, but fork being normal – if you go just get one of each. WHY NOT. They also have INCREDIBLE sounding mains like enchiladas and enfrijoladas, and if we weren’t committed to our cleanse/if we had more time, I would have been back for all of it.
We got a ‘carnitas michoacanas’ which is meaty mushrooms, with raw nopales; we got my FAVE the scrambled tofu with black salt and guacamole (I mean, a perfect food circle); and I think the masala curry potatoes? Just get them all. Man alive, these were great. I definitely recommend a visit. And the staff was SO super amazing and nice and I wanted to be friends and not only because they gave me tacos.
The last thing I’ll share from this neighborhood is our visit to a pulcheria, a thing we had to do because culture. Pulcherias sell pulque, a Mexican alcoholic drink made by fermenting sap from the maguey plant, which is a kind of large agave plant. Cool! I thought. It’s like an agave nectar drink! No, pulque is like the initial, unfiltered substance that can be distilled into mezcal (which can be tequila). I was told this was like kombucha, like a low-alcohol drink that I’d be fine with, which was FALSE. The kind we tried at L’Nuclear Pulcheria (about 20 minutes from our hotel) (I mean honestly the name should have given it away) was 20% alcohol! That’s like A LOT. It wasn’t an unpleasant drink though, which is a huge thing considering it’s famous for its OKRA-LIKE VISCOSITY. It really is…quite viscous. But if you can consume alcohol, it’s worth a try. I didn’t hate it but I will be sticking with kombucha.
So that’s our first look into Mexico City! Next time – Coyoacán! And more tacos of course.
Urumqi, China: Qi Qi My Playmate…You’re Not So Much Fun To Play With
After our visit to Turpan, we took a super short train to Urumqi, which is the capital of the Xinjiang region. You know how state capitals are often not the best city in the state and usually not even in the top five? Like, Harrisburg you’d have to pay me to go back to. And Albany, I don’t know anyone not in government who would ever want to go to Albany. I don’t think anyone in government ever wants to go to Albany either but they have to. I still feel bad for my poor law school friends who were sent there to take the bar instead of the Javitts Center. Suuuucks. Anyway, same for Urumqi. It used to be a big deal on the Silk Road, as all these Xinjiang towns were because they had water and goods and people to help caravans and traders survive as they trekked through the desert. But now it’s just, city. And not a particularly fun one, just…city.
Urumqi is booming now with more than 3 million residents (tiny for China but big for rest of the world!) and apparently it is the biggest city in Central Asia (which I guess includes Xinjiang and the stans). Remember how in the Turpan post I said that Turpantiners consider their town to be farther from the oceans than any other place on earth? Well the Guinness Book of World Records, famed chroniclers of all things super important, give that honor to Urumqi. Let’s not quibble though, you both will always stay in my heart as the driest hottest hellholes in all of China. Okay they aren’t hellholes at all (they’re good cities Brent), they just have the same climate as hell.
After we got off the train, we did not walk out into the world as you usually do when you get off a train. We had to go through security again. To get out of the station. That’s how serious Xinjiang security is. At the exit were police and baggage x-rays and metal detectors for people to walk through and everyone diligently went through the ritual but we were pulled aside by guards seated at a table (you NEVER want to catch the attention of the seated guards!). They took our passports and wrote the info in a book, I’m guessing the Big Book of Foreigners, before letting us into their so magical city. Getting a little bit annoying. As I shared before, in China, there is no common building when people enter and exit and buy tickets all in harmony. All those activities are spread out over huge station complexes so that, if you want to pick up your tickets for your next train (as you should do when you arrive to be safe), you have to go through the rigmarole (I really don’t like that there’s not another a in there) of leaving the station, and then you have to walk around the whole damn thing and find the main entrance so you can then find the ticket office. And, guess what, to get to the ticket office, you have to go through x-rays and metal detectors and security again! I always wait outside with all the bags so Z can run in more easily. But guess what, Urumqi was not a ‘run in and hurry through security’ kind of ticket office situation. I waited in the sun for over an hour for him to return! In the picture above, you might be able to see a long line of people from the station door. That line stretched all the way back to be even with where I was standing, and that was just after the guards at that checkpoint checked you out and let you into the main line. The line to reach THOSE guards stretched down the block. The amount of time he had to wait in that line was almost longer than our train here. It was RIDICULOUS.
Fortunately, we had a nice refuge to go to next. To make up for the hole that was Turpan and our hostel, we upgraded to a room at the Urumqi Sheraton for this visit. Of course, that refuge was temporarily blocked by – you guessed it – more baggage x-rays, metal detectors, and security guards at the entrance. We couldn’t even tell when we entered if we were in the hotel because it was in a mall! So we looked up and saw cafes and stores lining the perimeter and no Sheraton Hotel signs and we were trying to ask the security guards if this was the hotel and they just yelled to put our bags on the conveyor belts which DID NOT FIT BECAUSE THEY ARE HUGE BACKPACKS AND THE BELT WAS MADE FOR EVERYDAY PURSES and they were NOT HAVING IT and finally they just let us through to the check-in on one side of the lobby and the hotel staff was nooooot good, not good at all, I must remember to complain about them. Anyway we finally got up to our room and then everything was okay. As long as we stay indoors, away from every other human, we will be fine.
obligatory hotel pics
Before this trip, I never really appreciated a Sheraton or similar mid-level hotel chain. They are clean and comfortable and have real toilets! This was the perfect thing to do at this time in our travels, because we really needed a few days without too much running around (any) and without too many things to see (we literally saw one). Instead, we ate snacks in the hotel bed (what a lovely bed I love bed) and watched horrible movies. This hotel didn’t have HBO like our other recent treat-yo-self China hotel stays have surprised us with – but it had Cinemax. Lolol you know how people used to joke and call it Skinemax? That’s not the right joke. There was nothing bawdy on, just PURE UTTER SHIT. We watched so many bad movies. There was one with Chloe Grace Moretz where somehow she keeps surviving all these alien attacks that wipe out 99% of the population and you watch and you think ‘well she’s gotta be special in some way right any minute now we will learn what makes her so different from everyone else and she will fight something and win back Earth’ but no her special skill is sleeping with a man who turns out to be part alien and HE is the one who helps save her she LITERALLY does nothing oh my god why is she the star in this disaster movie if she has NO Katnissy skills to speak of she literally just lucked out a few times then met a rando and slept with him and the man saves her and some other kids she does NOTHING and has no special abilities except not dying from bird flu or whatever. We watched this movie twice. We also watched Whiskey Tango Foxtrot twice, partly because Tina Fey is great even when she’s trying to be serious and dramatic and you’re like aw good for you hon trying new things and mostly because we have a big metal water bottle from the film that sits in our bathroom for no good reason so it’s like a part of the family. WTF was actually not bad. The third movie we watched was indeed awful. It was called Terrordactyl. I shit you not. Terrordactyl. It was like if Sharknado wasn’t funny, but was super depressing because you just feel so bad for these ‘actors’ who showed up to set and probably couldn’t make eye contact with each other because they were so ashamed of what their careers and dreams had become. We watched it only half a time.
In the mall attached to the hotel. WHAT THE CRAP IS KILLER LITTERING? IS IT THROWING PEOPLE OFF THE SKYWALK SO THEY DIE? IS THAT WHAT KILLER LITTERING MEANS?????
We lucked out with the hotel being attached to a mall because in our newfound lazy state, we didn’t have to go very far for food. Well, our first night, we did try to go very far for food. There’s one vegan place on HappyCow called Yuangqi Vegetarian, and we got on a public city bus to get there with everyone staring at us (we did not see any other tourists in this city, p.s.). It’s online info said it should be open and I was so excited to finally have a good meal after a few days without. I was so excited for their mock meats, as HC reviews claimed they had. Well I will never know because there was a handwritten looseleaf paper sign on the padlocked door that a nice passerby told us said they needed a rest today and had closed. FUUUUUCK YOUUUUU you need a rest?? I NEED FOOOOOOOOD. Dammit to hell. We could have tried back the next day but I was too angry with them.
Learning not to ever leave the hotel and its attached mall, we returned and scoped out the many restaurants on the upper floors, including a food court that was, as usual, too confusing with too unhelpful staff so we chose a Han restaurant with a picture menu. We got several vegetable dishes that were pretty good and I got mapo tofu but asked first if it was vegetarian because it always had pork, but this menu didn’t say pork. The waitress said yes and confirmed that it had no pork when we asked that separately. Of course it came with pork, and when we said (/had our phone say) ‘but you said it didn’t have pork!’ she motioned that it was just a little bit. I get that vegetarianism is super alien to most Chinese people considering their recent history and that being able to eat meat is a sign of being in an okay place finally, so it’s hard to complain about all these frequent mishaps. But like, this was a young girl and I asked her so many times. Blah. I hate wasting food so I hope someone ate it in the back. They brought me a porkless one and it was really good so at least it was sort of worth it.
This delicious spinachy dish was translated on the menu as “Casual”. That’s it.
After dinner, we checked out another floor that had tons of ice cream vendors (still none for me in three months ughhh), donut vendors, drinks of all sorts, and of course bubble tea. We were surrounded! I ordered one and asked for bubbles to be added, as I always have to do because usually only the milk teas come with bubbles automatically. I learned the right words finally and everything. Of course, it came without bubbles. I have HAD IT with these M***F***ing kids giving me M***F****ing bobaless teas! I wasn’t having it anymore and I said, hey remember I asked for boba? And the boy said ‘yes but it doesn’t come with it so you can’t have it.’ I MEAN. Luckily someone else overheard and was like wtf is going on just put the damn bubbles in, it will not lead to the downfall of your (*cough* Taiwan’s *cough*) culture if you put bubbles in milkless teas.
Anyway.
The hotel had a pretty decent gym, with tons of treadmills, weight machines, free weights, and kettlebells, the first I’ve seen of those in any place in China. There was also a separate spinning room attached which is hilarious because it didn’t seem like they had any classes, just all the bikes set up as they would be in a class. Unfortunately, the staff members ‘working’ in the gym were beyond horrendous. Two young guys were chasing each other around the gym floor trying to pour water from paper cups onto each other the entire time I was on the treadmill. I kept looking back at them and being like WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU but they were too oblivious to notice my withering glare. Finally one of them left so the other finally just sat the crap down, but then this huge guy came in, went into the office inside the gym, and put on THE WORST music I’ve ever heard – slow, painful, and exceedingly loud. I asked the seated staffer if they could turn it down considering I had to cover my ears to breathe normally through it, and he shrugged and pointed to the guy as if to say ‘it’s his music.’ Remember that this huge guy putting the music on was not an employee. Seriously I need Sheraton Corporate to care that this was happening. I went up to the huge guy, who was starting to lift, and pointed to the office and the speakers and asked for him to turn it down. And you know what he did? He laughed at me. So I went right up in his face and SCREAMED “TURN THIS SHIT MUSIC DOWN BEFORE I TURN IT OFF FOR YOU YOU GODDAMN ASSHOLE.” He turned the music off. And then he did bicep curls with a freaking machine (so dumb) while making the loudest grunts I’ve ever heard at a gym and I just laughed thinking of what all the reddit fitness commenters would say about this jackwagon.
The hotel had a pretty decent gym, with tons of treadmills, weight machines, free weights, and kettlebells, the first I’ve seen of those in any place in China. There was also a separate spinning room attached which is hilarious because it didn’t seem like they had any classes, just all the bikes set up as they would be in a class. Unfortunately, the staff members ‘working’ in the gym were beyond horrendous. Two young guys were chasing each other around the gym floor trying to pour water from paper cups onto each other the entire time I was on the treadmill. I kept looking back at them and being like WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU but they were too oblivious to notice my withering glare. Finally one of them left so the other finally just sat the crap down, but then this huge guy came in, went into the office inside the gym, and put on THE WORST music I’ve ever heard – slow, painful, and exceedingly loud. I asked the seated staffer if they could turn it down considering I had to cover my ears to breathe normally through it, and he shrugged and pointed to the guy as if to say ‘it’s his music.’ Remember that this huge guy putting the music on was not an employee. Seriously I need Sheraton Corporate to care that this was happening. I went up to the huge guy, who was starting to lift, and pointed to the office and the speakers and asked for him to turn it down. And you know what he did? He laughed at me. So I went right up in his face and SCREAMED “TURN THIS SHIT MUSIC DOWN BEFORE I TURN IT OFF FOR YOU YOU GODDAMN ASSHOLE.” He turned the music off. And then he did bicep curls with a freaking machine (so dumb) while making the loudest grunts I’ve ever heard at a gym and I just laughed thinking of what all the reddit fitness commenters would say about this jackwagon.
in the Xinjiang Museum. Doesn’t “the mortals from the last millenium” sound like a creepy sci-fi film?
We were going to go to the big bazaar, but we read that it was pretty fake and just for tourists and it all sounded very annoying and unnecessary considering that our next destination, Kashgar, has an authentic and still amazing bazaar. So we didn’t. The one thing we did in Urumqi was the thing you really have to do when there, which is visit the big museum, called the Xinjiang Regional Museum (or the Xinjiang Uyghur Autonomous Region Museum). Named for the whole region for a reason, it houses some of the most important archaeological and historical finds that weren’t shipped out of the country, including all those mummified corpses I mentioned in the Turpan post that they found there. They were REAL mummies, my goodness. It was a little sickening. The super dry climate in Turpan (slash all of Xinjiang) helped preserve so much detail – like, hair. And freaking eyelashes! There were 21 mummies, I think, in this museum, and they included men, women, and children – including an infant-sized mummy. It was very disturbing and upsetting to see. I think I am over dead bodies, okay?
The museum included exhibits on all the ethnic cultures living in the Xinjiang region, which happened to represent all of the places we had so far visited on this long journey – Russia and Siberia, Mongolia, Kyrgyzstan, Kazakhstan, Uzbekistan, and all the other stans. So my favorite parts of the museum were things that reminded me of our travels up to this point and pointed to our next destinations. like this look at Mongolian wrestlers that were NOT wearing the traditional wrestling uniform (speedo + feather boa) that we learned about in Naadam.
The museum included exhibits on all the ethnic cultures living in the Xinjiang region, which happened to represent all of the places we had so far visited on this long journey – Russia and Siberia, Mongolia, Kyrgyzstan, Kazakhstan, Uzbekistan, and all the other stans. So my favorite parts of the museum were things that reminded me of our travels up to this point and pointed to our next destinations. like this look at Mongolian wrestlers that were NOT wearing the traditional wrestling uniform (speedo + feather boa) that we learned about in Naadam.
I also loved seeing a view from inside a ger/yurt that had an animal right in the doorway! Just like we saw in Mongolia! It feels like that was years ago!
And of course I have to take a picture whenever there’s a dog.
But the best was this look at traditional goings-on inside a house…in which the museum staff decided it was super appropriate and traditional for the girl to be wearing a sweatshirt that says “MATHLETE”?? We were crying. Whoooo decided that? Do they know how weird it is? The others are wearing non-ridiculous garb. I still can’t get over this.
WHAT WHY
As usual, the other visitors to the museum provided some entertainment as well. I still am a little scared of this girl’s shirt:
It says “until the tears run into your mouth”. why so cry?
I can’t even put into words the immediate dread I felt when I saw this huge crowd of little kids on a school field trip. I gasped, saying to Z, “OMG ARE THEY ALL LITTLE TRUMP SUPPORTERS?” I see red hats, I fear the worst. I guess all these little Chinese kids aren’t probably Trumpers, right? Just an easy way for the teachers to keep tabs on them?
only a small section of the Baby Trumpers
After the museum, we walked around the city a little, and I found my new favorite bubble tea place, called FlyJuice. It was the best tea – not too sweet! – and it came automatically with boba AND weird white jelly! The best!
We did some more wandering, found a grocery store, and then went back to the hotel to scout more of the restaurant floors. I had a weird noodle bowl that ended up being with sauerkraut and not just plain cabbage that isn’t worth sharing a picture of. But I will share a picture of my dessert, courtesy of Happy Lemon drink stand.
Yeah, I know, I am a monster! I had two bubble teas in one day! It made me so nauseous that it actually – can you believe – put me off bubble tea FOR GOOD. Well probably not for good, but I haven’t had any since and looking back at these pictures is making me nauseous again. End of an era, I know. I guess that’s the secret to beating this type of obsession – have so much of it that you never want it again. I said to Z, “I’m like the girl in The Joy Luck Club who ate too much strawberry ice cream and then never ate it again.” Z said “what.”
So, I know we didn’t do much, but that’s our time in Urumqi. It was just a regular old city with a good museum but not much else to recommend it for tourists. It was good though because we needed a bit of a rest before the last section of our trip when we hop from place to place extremely quickly. I leave you with the sign on the door to the train platform (which some of you saw on instagram) as we left Urumqi for Kashgar (the next post).
AND TELL MY WIFE I LOVE HER
