Nanxun, China: Little Known Water Town is an Absolute Mustby Randi / August 11, 2017
Hangzhou is an interesting mashup of a place. From the research we did, it seems like a small village on a big lake, with a neverending forest section that we’d be staying in, surrounded by hills and such lush trees, a calm respite from standard hectic China. But, like…Hangzhou has 9 million residents. I had never heard of it before planning this trip, and it was flipping TWO Philadelphias. And bigger than New York and London! Damn there are so many Chinese people! So even this like ‘small village’ that I hadn’t even heard of before this trip is a gigantic freaking city! Luckily, we were indeed staying in the west side of West Lake, the part that is all forests and much less people. And it’s beautiful. We went into the crazy busy downtown, but West Lake is the real draw of a visit here.
At first I was disappointed because our hotel, Best Wishes Inn, our supposed fancy lakeside getaway, was not very nice. And it wasn’t by the lake, which if you go, you should try to be right by. It was in the correct section of town, but in a little street with dirty shops and restaurants, not set back or remote from this sort of thing at all. And the lake was kind of far from us. But mostly I’m mad because they gave us the crappiest room they had – in the attic, so the roof slanted so short that we hit our heads a lot. The bed was just a mattress on the floor, and the sink was next to the bed. The bathroom was tiny – the shower head over the toilet situation – and there was no room for our luggage except right in the center/only pathway. Suffice it to say they way overcharged us. I tried to say well that’s just how accommodations are here, but then I saw every other room during our 3 nights while they were being cleaned, and they were all spacious and lovely and had actual beds, not just mattresses on the floor. What gives?! Apparently sometimes hotels will give you shitty rooms if they see you used a third party, but like, Booking.com? Really? It’s hard to believe. I can’t help thinking it was just because we were Westerners? Regardless of the reason my blood pressure is rising just thinking about it. But like, again, NO one there spoke English so how could I complain or even just ask wtf was going on? It was hard enough asking for more toilet paper through google translate.
Fortunately, that was the only letdown for me, because I quite enjoyed Hangzhou itself. It was cool (not temperature, it’s f-ing boiling and buggy) to stroll through the foresty parts to find the Buddhist temples (and, of course, their requisite vegetarian buffets), to hike to West Lake and then around the perimeter, and to explore downtown – while the latter is not strictly necessary (just like any big Chinese city), you will probably want to go there for a meal or two and – do I even need to say it anymore? – for bubble tea.
We arrived kind of exhausted after we had seen Nanxun that morning, so we rested and watched really weird Chinese teenage vampire soap opera TV. Wow. Then we made our way to the nearest HappyCow listing, the Qing Xin Vegetarian buffet at a near-ish temple complex, about 30 minutes walk away through the forest. It’s getting dark earlier now – no more northern Russia endless sunshine! – so that was a little rough at times with the streets not lit well, but we found the complex it was in – it had a KFC, a Pizza Hut, and two Starbucks! And lots of Chinese restaurants, of course. We queued up the name of the vegetarian buffet in Chinese and showed it to a lady in a convenience store, who helpfully showed us a staircase in the middle of the shopping center and pointed up. Thanks lady! We bought our drinks and stuff from her whenever we were nearby as thanks.
Unfortunately Qing Xin seemed to be closing down! It was only 6:30pm or so! Darn. A nice lady who worked there tried to communicate that it was shutting soon, but that I could take food from the 8 or so trays that still had some food in them. So, okay! I was hungry and we wouldn’t find anything else probably for an hour so I’ll eat the remnants of the monks’ dinner happily! The few dishes had enough to make a pretty decent plate of food, so it was fine. I scrounged up enough vegetables and tofu to be balanced, and then took a lot of this amazing thick noodle dish that I’m obsessed with now. It was sad to see rows and rows and rows of the food display empty, but we were coming back the next day to see the actual temples nearby, so we planned on coming back right when it opened for lunch! Yay! I finished my portion and went to find the nice lady to pay, and she motioned that I didn’t have to pay because I just took the scraps and it wasn’t the full thing. Sooo nice! I was like really? What country is this? Love her.
This is what the outside of the restaurant looks like…with or without the hilarious stretching child
We totally went back for lunch the next day, and it was PACKED. One of the volunteers spoke a little English and was eager to talk to me – he said they have exactly 100 dishes! That’s a lot of stuff for me to try! I ate a lot, and it was all so good! I loved this place. They were so nice too. I went and found the nice lady this time and she was like ahhh! So happy that we returned! So, the buffet cost 26 yuan, for all you can eat delicious food with the nicest staff. That is like…$4, max. Love it. I would eat there every day if I lived there. Which I don’t want to do, I’m just saying.
sooo packed at lunch!
so many rows of food!
the inside of the complex the restaurant is in (also where you buy tickets for the Longyin Temple and grounds
Because it was so busy, everyone shares tables so all the seats are occupied. We were sitting with a mother and her young son, and the son was studying English so he was talking to us a little. So, this was the first English speaker we’d encountered in DAYS! So exciting! What great things would he say to us that we’d be so happy to understand? First, he told me his mother was upset because I was using chopsticks wrong. I hold them too low, apparently. But that gives me more control! Leave me alone! But that wasn’t enough. The kicker was later when he just looked up at me and asked, “How do you eat so much?” JFC, kid.
After our great meal, we bought tickets for the temple grounds so we could see Lingyin Temple, the most famous one, and all the other temples on the grounds. Neither the book nor the ticket lady for the temple grounds told us this, but you need SEPARATE tickets for Lingyin Temple. See I DO give helpful tips YOU’RE WELCOME. Anyway, they aren’t that expensive and it’s worth it to see all of this because there aren’t that many sights in Hangzhou besides exploring the natural beauty. And by visiting these temples, you are seeing some serious natural beauty simultaneously!
It was so beautiful. And here, in the temples, we saw our first non-Chinese tourists in days. There’s like a weird nod of recognition that everyone gives each other, I don’t know if they’re even aware they’re doing it. Very tribal and strange.
So Lingyin is Hangzhou’s most famous Buddhist temple, which I guess is why it’s the only one on the grounds with a separate entry ticket. It was built in 326 but what’s there now is not the original – it was destroyed and rebuilt 16 times! There’s lots of grand Buddha et al. statues, including a grand one that’s 20 meters high and built from camphor wood. Lingyin is a pretty pleasant temple and even has a vegetarian noodle restaurant onsite.
The only very upsetting thing about the temples was that one of the important rooms in Lingyin, full of various Buddha statues, was shaped like a swastika. I think it’s the backwards Chinese buddhism kind, so, the ‘good kind’, but it’s never not offputting to see one. To be in one and stuck like a maze till the end was weird. It was very strange walking around and being like dude what IS this building’s shape we are going like in L’s?? and then going…ohhhhhh I know what this is. So weird. There are swastikas all over the trashcans and signs and stuff too (and we saw some in Beijing temples). Do not like.
Other than that, it was a nice visit. It requires several hours to see even part of what’s out here. I think I enjoyed the Yongfu temple up at the top of the grounds the most, which has a short climb to a viewing platform of the lake. We were excited for that, but the lake was still far away so it’s like a baby view.
babiest lake view!
The walk around this temple was gorgeous though, and honestly if you are pressed for time I think I would choose this visit over Lingyin. But it’s cool to see as much of this area as you can, if you have time.
My favorite thing in Hangzhou though was probably walking to and around West Lake. It’s really beautiful. And yes it’s super crowded with Chinese tourists who don’t know how to walk in public, but it’s worth it.
The first time we saw the lake, we were en route downtown and chanced upon this photoshoot!
For our full day of West Lake sightseeing, we walked from our hotel through about an hour and a half of unoccupied forest, with really nothing along the way but nature and old bridges and things. It was such a nice surprise to find such empty bits!
As we got closer to the busier parts of the lake (like where resorts are), things started to pick up in terms of people and shops and sights.
I had to pee really badly at one point and we saw a sign pointing into a resort or something, so we wandered through the resort grounds, which were so lovely, and found it. But then we noticed that if we kept going farther inward, away from the street we were walking on, we would reach a really busy shopping center area right on the part of the lake we wanted, where all the boats are! So thank goodness I had to pee because we found the spot we wanted!
And thank goodness also because this shopping center was amaaazing. If you follow me on instagram (which you should, links at the top of the page), you saw the incredible mango drink I had here. I saw people getting these gigantic towers of smoothie with dry ice pouring out of it! It was so fun! I got one of course after watching them make one and confirming it was just mango blended with ice in the smoothie part. Then the dry ice container was fitted in, and then a cup of mango shaved ice was put on top, all topped with chunks of fresh mango. It was SO GOOD and so fun!
I should have taken video, I know now! Just imagine dry ice shooting out every which way like a fog machine!
But that wasn’t even my favorite find of this center, because next door was a little shop selling a Chinese sort of pirozhok, the Russian stuffed bread rolls. I confirmed with the few important words I learned which were vegetarian, and got a cabbage filled one. I really should have gotten 100 of them and somehow froze them and shipped them to London for studying, or just eaten 100 immediately, because they were one of the best things ever. I was obsessed. They were just perfect. Dammit I want one now. I have to learn how to make pirozhki when home. I will blog about it if I do.
We kept walking through the beautiful waterfront for awhile until we reached the causeway that would let us cross part of the lake. It was so fun!
I really enjoyed this walk and this whole part of Hangzhou and West Lake. So beautiful and tranquil despite all the people.
Another super tall lotus pond, like in Nanxun! Tall as me !
What’s not tranquil is Hangzhou town. It’s not bad, it’s just not worth it. It’s another big super crowded and busy city where motorbikes will drive right at you even if they have a red light and there are thousands of abandoned rideshare bicycles blocking the sidewalks and there are too many cars and people and it’s hot and smelly so like, what’s the point when you can stay by the lake?
Oh right, bubble tea. I was on a mission. Such a mission, that I ended up having 3 teas in one evening! The first one was a let down because the fruit teas often don’t come with bubbles and they didn’t understand my request for them. UGHHH. It was a tea stand that wasn’t a recognizable chain – always stick with the ones with a little table on the menu with bubble options you can point to!
The second was decent, but it wasn’t a Gong Cha or Coco (the famous chains) but a 1Tea, which I really like now, but I didn’t know then (my first from them) that when you say zero sugar to them (who am I kidding – I mean when you point to the zero sugar option on the menu), it actually IS zero sugar (at the others, it’s still sweet!). And I got a lemon tea drink, so it was suuuper sour and hard to enjoy the bubbles.
But then we found a third! And it was a Gong Cha! It was too sweet of course and I was suuuper sick from having so much tea in such a short period but I couldn’t turn it down!
what my other fave restaurant in Hangzhou looks like
The food in Hangzhou aside from my favorite aforementioned buffet was good, as it is in all the cities in China! Flipping Chinese food is amazeballs and so vegan-friendly. I especially liked a place called Super Vegan, for obvious reasons! It was very nice inside, the common type of vegetarian restaurant here where I feel underdressed – the opposite of so many vegan places in the west that are so casual and hippie like. I am so impressed with the array of vegan restaurants in China’s big cities. At Super Vegan (which, by the way, just says Vegan on the awning, not super), I had to try several dishes that I found recommended in the HappyCow reviews, like this plate of sweet and sour spare ribs. So far in China, every time I get spare ribs it’s small pieces like this, not like how they do it in the USA. Might be just the vegan versions, but might be for real too.
These were freaking fantastic! In fact, all the food at Super Vegan was, and I wish I could eat here again. The texture was perfect, reminiscent enough of meat’s pull-apartness and chewiness without being disgustingly close or too hard or soft. I usually don’t like sweet and sour stuff but this could change my stance on the whole issue.
I also got a big ass plate of broccoli with some mushrooms in vegetarian oyster sauce, mostly because I need a big plate of greens as often as possible, but also because veggie oyster sauce! So fun! It was great, as most broccoli is. Then I got the Taiwan-style sauteed rice noodles, with veggie meat, cabbage, carrot, and mushrooms. It didn’t have as much of the non-noodle parts as the menu picture suggested, but still, really good!
Almost embarrassed to share the next picture, but come on, you know me – if there’s one on the menu when I’m traveling, I’m GONNA get it:
SORRY NOT SORRY.
It had avocado and quinoa in it! Super Vegaaaaannnnn!
Lastly, we got the most inventive, delicious, and all around amazing dish on the menu. Okay that’s a bold statement because as always in Chinese vegetarian restaurants the menu was 1000 pages long, and we got five things only, but this was off the charts. It was just called Golden Suncake, and the ingredients on the menu said “green bean, pumpkin, and soy protein”. I had no idea what we’d get, despite the picture, which was very vague and sort of dumpling looking. What came out, was a vegan replica of a fried egg, with a mashed pumpkin center. Not just any fried egg. The most delicious one ever. It was PERFECTION. Eggy and the perfect texture but without being too weirdly gross eggy, and with that pumpkin yolk part? Ridiculously good. Also TELL ME how this is made of green beans?!
We enjoyed the food so much that we got an order of the tea tree mushrooms, “Yu mountain style”, to go. They were fried strips of mushrooms that looked in the picture like French fries, and, even better, looked in real life and tasted like fried clam strips! Amazing! Oh man, if you are ever in Hangzhou, go to Super Vegan, get all the food, get more to go, tell them I said hi, just kidding, Marky, pick up your phone.
We enjoyed our time in Hangzhou! We were there for a while, but we didn’t do as much as we’ve been doing in other cities. It was nice to not rush around, to get to relax and go do things when we wanted and not when we must in order to fit them into a tight schedule. We have plenty of that coming, but it was important to realize that more easygoing stretches are okay, and necessary. And look how beautiful it was – outside the city. Haha I just realized I didn’t even take pictures of downtown! Eh you can imagine it – traffic, more traffic, lots of people. Stick to West Lake! It’s really as beautiful as they say.
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Berlin City Guide: Fun Museums, Depressing Museums, & the Most Fun Activity I’ve Ever Found While Traveling
Who would have guessed that the most vegan-friendly city in Europe was the city with some of the most horrific, heartbreaking history? It sort of makes sense, that as Berlin continues to rebuild, it forges a new path with more compassion and understanding not just for all people but for all living things. Those Germans though (that one’s for millytweet).
The majority of my posts about Berlin will be about this crazy surge in veganism, but first our city guide will focus on that horrific history and the importance of paying your respects to it when in Berlin. There are some absolutely wonderful museums about World War Two that I’ll go over. Also, Berlin offers some really fun tourist attractions, including one activity that was without a doubt the most unique, crazy, and fun thing I’ve found maybe anywhere (infra).
The majority of my posts about Berlin will be about this crazy surge in veganism, but first our city guide will focus on that horrific history and the importance of paying your respects to it when in Berlin. There are some absolutely wonderful museums about World War Two that I’ll go over. Also, Berlin offers some really fun tourist attractions, including one activity that was without a doubt the most unique, crazy, and fun thing I’ve found maybe anywhere (infra).
Very famous Brandenburg Gate. So famous.
First, you know how I love finding fun street graffiti in cities. On Oranienburger Strasse, near the synagogue, we came across the well-known Tacheles Art House, which housed various kinds of artists and fun people after the Berlin wall came down. Also, ‘tacheles’ is Yiddish for ‘straight-talking’ which is hilarious. The commune is now virtually empty because a bank owned the building and evicted all the artists because obviously hordes of free-thinking people scare banks. I’m pretty sure no one knows what to do with the building now.
You wouldn’t necessary think that Berlin boasts lovely green space but it does! People were hanging out and strolling through the parks. Ahnice.
Outside the Reichstag
I recommend making an appointment online to visit the Reichstag so you can climb up the fun mirrored tower and have a fantastic view of the city. You have to go through security upon entering. The Reichstag is like the Parliament building; it’s where the German bundestag/parliament meets. There’s actually a meeting room in the basement under the tower, so you can see through the glass floor right onto your representatives as they vote. Something about transparency this time around.
Inside the Reichstag
 View from the Reichstag tower |
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Part of the Punk Rock Section. Or maybe the Post Punk; it does look a lot like a PPK party
One of our favorite museums in Berlin was, to my great surprise, about life during the Cold War and not about a dancing video game that boys I went to high school with enjoyed. The DDR Museum (Deutsche Demokratische Republik) shows what life was like in East Germany before the wall came down. The exhibition includes everything from the daily life of citizens and what they eat to and how they rebelled. It’s an interactive museum so I was never bored. You can even fake-drive an actual model of the car that East Germans could have. Like that one car they could have. It was a piece of shit to say the least. Anyway, the various corners of the museum house tremendously interesting information, including the pictured bits about the punk rock movement, how military action was jammed down children’s throats at a young age, and apparently how fun naked beach volleyball was. They also sold a cookbook of recipes that people would have made during the separation, which I don’t see anyone buying, ever.
  I don’t care that it’s das original, I don’t want it |
 Nude beach volleyball was big in the DDR?  Poor Hedwig  I just love that they really say ‘Jesus sandals’ |
Pergamon Altar
The important museum-going place in Berlin is helpfully called Museum Island, which houses five wonderful museums, including the must-see Pergamon Museum. The Pergamon boasts the famous Pergamon Altar and the Ishtar Gate of Babylon, which we bought a paper model of at the gift shop. The Pergamon altar is an enormous stone room, pretty much, and can probably hold 100 museum visitors easily. The enormous building was originally on an acropolis in the city of Pergamon in Asia Minor; it was transported from Turkey to Berlin. The altar has friezes running along the walls depicting events from the life of the founder of Pergamon, as well as the battle between the Giants and the Olympians.
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The Ishtar Gate, which you probably recognize, is a freaking jaw-dropping structure that was originally a gate to the inner city of Babylon from 500s B.C., ordered into existence by King Nebuchadnezzar II, who had the unique of honor of having one of the first crazy celebrity baby names. It was dedicated to the goddess Ishtar, the Babylonian version of Aphrodite. The gate in the museum is a reconstruction, but it uses the original gorgeous blue and gold glazed bricks.
The Ishtar Gate so pretty
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The Pergamon also houses this beautiful Orpheus Mosaic:
And the museum teaches us, as all good museums should, that a popular Jewish word for an idiot or jerk is also the German word for Jews’ favorite thing.
Well some Jews, definitely 🙂
Oh, so it is recommended in guide books to go to the top of the TV Tower to see a panorama view of the city. But it’s expensive and crowded. Instead, go to the Park Inn in Alexanderplatz and pay only a few euro to go to the roof. You get the same amazing view of the city but you get the TV Tower in your pictures! Awesome!
That’s the TV Tower. It’s so acne!
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Crazy signs like the above were lining the staircase up to Panorama 37, and when we got there this random amazing bear was waiting for us. The bear and signs were probably the best part, because as you can see, Berlin’s skyline is not exactly beautiful, at least not in this direction. And also it was often overcast. No big deal, it’s still the greatest city, just maybe save your rooftop viewing parties for like Italy.
We passed some really literal storefronts as well, like the below left, my favorite, which doesn’t hold any information back. Also, the children’s carousel below right is super depressing.
 What you see is what you get |
 No thanks |
My favorite cathedral name probably ever is Berliner Dom because it means Berlin Cathedral but sounds better. You can climb up to the top, which is my favorite cathedral-related activity, and get even more pictures of the city from on high. When we were up there, I heard someone around the bend say “Philadelphia” and I screamed “Who just said they were from Philly!” And this guy came around to us and we chatted! He lived where I worked! Such a small world, and always smaller if you are willing to yell in public.
Inside Berliner Dom
View from the Top
Probably the hardest place to visit was the Topographie Des Terrors, the museum that shows, without holding anything back, what happened to all the various groups and people whom the Nazis persecuted in Berlin from 1933 to 1945. I learned so much I didn’t know about what happened to sick and injured people in various types of hospitals, including children with disabilities. It’s all really depressing and I couldn’t finish all the exhibits because it was just so difficult. But it’s really informative and I think it’s really important to go there. I appreciated that the exhibits didn’t mince any words.
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Right outside the indoor Topography of Terror museum is the remnants of the Berlin Wall, which has been converted to an exhibit showing more depressing information relating to the postwar era.
 I MADE IT OVER THE GREAT DIVIDE |
 TRY AND TEAR ME DOWN |
I definitely recommend that you go and spend ample time both inside the museum and reading all the information along the wall. But, you must plan to do something really happy afterwards.
LIKE TRAP BERLIN!!!
LIKE TRAP BERLIN!!!
We found Trap Berlin through TripAdvisor, because it was either the #1 or #2 recommended activity in all of Berlin. What is this random thing, you ask? It is a small room set up as a puzzle you have to solve before a bomb goes off. No joke. You and 2-3 friends book a time, and you go to a small room at the back of a café (information here) , in which six or so dark safes are stacked, locked, unmarked, and very little else is in the room. Aaaaand, GO! The clock starts and you have 40 minutes not only to start unlocking the safes SOMEHOW, but to use whatever you see to create clues and solutions. For instance, there is a small globe outside the safes to begin with. That’s necessary for finding one of the combinations. No joke. It’s legit crazy, so super stressful, and you have no idea what kinds of skills will be helpful. They say about 50% of participants actually diffuse the bomb (if they even find it – it’s in one of the safes. We didn’t locate it until very late in the game). My husband and I did it with our famous vegan friend Not Josh, so we had three fairly intelligent professionals with varying skills and abilities working together and it still felt like we were absolutely going crazy!
 I can’t even really describe what you do and how many intricate and complicated steps there are, but it was SO fun. It was really the most fun thing I’ve ever done in a foreign city I think! AND WE WON! YAYYYY! Seriously, if you go to Berlin, you HAVE to do it. The people in charge said they changed the setup every so often so I hope I am not spoiling too much by sharing these pictures. Even if you do remember what you see, it’s totally not going to help you solve anything anyway.
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This is a very unrelated poster that we saw in the Berlin metro stations.
We also love going to the opera when we visit other cities, and the Berlin Opera did not disappoint. We saw one of my favorite works: Donizetti’s “L’Elisir d’Amore”, or in German “Der Liebestrank” which is not quite as lovely a title. The Deutsche Oper Berlin was a lovely venue and the company was incredibly talented. It was just fabulous. My favorite things about it were a) it was still performed in Italian thank the f-ing gods (when we saw “Rigoletto” in Vienna, they did it in German. It was horrendous. MEINE TOCTERRRRRR!) and b) while the audience clearly loved the performance, there was no automatic standing ovation like in America. Nice!
As for the Berlin metro system, it’s pretty solid. I wasn’t blown away by German technology and/or precision, as I fully expected to be, but I wasn’t disappointed either. The standout of the public transport experience was of course the sign at right. Beware of tricksters! That’s good advice no matter where you are or what you are doing.
We also tried to go to Schloss Charlottenburg, the grand palace, but of course it was closed the day we went. No matter, the vast, beautiful gardens were open for strolling and stroll we did. We could have easily gotten lost in these many acres of ponds, bridges, paths, trees, and of course flowers. Luckily we didn’t.
There’s so much more we did and saw, like the controversial (in construction) Memorial to the Murdered Jews of Europe, a visit to the synagogue that was destroyed during the war and is now a wartime museum, a walking tour that included the site of Hitler’s bunker, and many strolls on Unter den Linden boulevard. You must really do all of the war-related tourism, and in return there’s so much fun stuff to do as well! Berlin really offers a great deal in terms of honoring the past and enjoying the present.
We stayed at the Mandala Hotel in Potsdamer Platz, a very nice hotel in a great location that I recommend.
Tomorrow and the rest of the week we will look at FOOD in Berlin! Yay!
Kiev (Kyiv though) Ukraine: Nice City, Interesting Sights, Indeterminate Vibe
I have to admit that I did not know about Kyiv. Not Kiev; I knew about Kiev. But that’s all I knew. Let me splain. As we planned our trip from Russia through Eastern Europe and back home to London, my husband said “we should go to Kyiv”- pronounced Keev. And I said “where is this ‘Keev’ I never heard of it” and he was like “Kyiv is the capital of Ukraine??” and I was like “no that’s Kiev and it is pronounced ‘Kee-ev'”and he was like “wat” and I was like “what is happening” and I learned that Kiev (‘Kee-ev’) is the Russian word for the city, and since gaining their independence, Ukrainians have been very serious about reclaiming their own word for their capital city, ‘Kyiv’ (Keev), the one syllable version that was unknown to me. Can we blame the Russian bots for my ignorance? Now I’m all smarted up and ready to talk about this great city, Kyiv. Or Kiev, if you wanted to I guess. I like the sound of the two-syllable evil version better, but my preferences as a non-Ukrainian don’t matter. Do as the people want us to. It’s Kyiv.
i know this is a hotel but come on pretty
Now that that’s sorted, let’s talk about this charming city. We were solidly back in Eastern Europe now, having left Mother Russia. Oh let’s talk about that leaving bit, shall we. After our less-than-a-day return to Moscow, we caught an overnight train – our second-to-last one of the trip!! – from Moscow to Kyiv. This train was the worst experience yet, isn’t that so fun??? I know some of you who kept up through all the China and Uzbek trains are like, what how on earth could it be worse? What about those 8 hour border stops where you had to sneak into the bathrooms to pee? What about the old Chinese lady in your bed? Well those were all terrible, yes, but hear me out. When we boarded, I thought we were soo lucky because the toilets were automated! Like Amtrak, with the lit-up flush buttons and stuff! They weren’t just holes opening up onto the track! Unfortunately, that luster was short-lived. Apparently the super-fancy (not fancy, basic technology) toilets very quickly broke, and since the conductor isn’t an engineer, he just duct-taped the toilet shut, rendering it unusable for the rest of the journey. I trekked down to the other end of the carriage with a sigh, which turned into a bigger, more horrified scream when I saw that that toilet was ALSO taped shut. The next cabin on was the restaurant car! No toilets in there! And the next one in the other direction was the overcrowded platzkart, packed full of people in bunk beds in the open plan, with lines for the toilet at all hours and so resentful of people from other carriages on their turf. Those toilets were basic open-the-bottom-onto-the-tracks; apparently only those passengers with doors were given the fancy easily breakable toilets. So every hour throughout the night, I had to clamber through the terrifying open section that connects carriages, stepping on the giant metal chain links that wrenched forward and back with the train’s movement and trying not to fall while jerking the heavy carriage doors open with all my might. Over and over again!
I HATE UNCLE TRAINY you see what I did there
Thank all the lucky stars, I was okay. Pissed off and full of impotent rage that I couldn’t actually direct at anyone (I never saw the conductor people, and also what else could they have done), but okay. I was so excited to see Kyiv, which I know I am spelling in the progressive way but honestly I can’t stop saying Ki-ev in my head. Anyway, I didn’t know much about Ukraine going in, except that I had just recently started saying it without the ‘the’ that so many Americans seem to think is required – seriously why do we always call it The Ukraine?? it’s so weird! – and that Oksana Baiul was my favorite skater in 1994 and the only winner to come out of the whole Tonya Harding-Nancy Kerrigan debacle. Well her and Margot Robbie. I was eager to learn more about the country through its well regarded capital city.
Our Russian language skillz would come in handy to understand all the signs in Cyrillic and all the similar sounding vocab, but despite much of the population speaking and/or understanding Russian, it would not be very wise to lead with speaking Russian. Since their independence from the Mother Country, Ukrainians have some tension, to say the least, with Russia, as we all do. We assumed, now that we were back in Europe, that it would be easy to get by with English. Surely most of the people know English! Spoiler, they don’t! It was very rare that we encountered English speakers. So follow Scar’s advice (not the Boy Scouts)(the Boy Scouts suck) and Be Prepared.
I realize this is just a hotel that we didn’t stay at and I shared a photo from a different angle above but it really represents the city’s aesthetic well
Our train arrived at about 7am, so we were exhausted and very much wanting to shower. Our last shower was in that random hostel in Moscow (was that the day before? Time had no meaning any longer). So we took a cab to our lodging. We were staying for the next few nights at the Theatre Boutique Apart-hotel, in a studio apartment situation that operated like a hotel, sort of, in that there was to be someone at a desk in the building of apartments to check us in. I initially liked how it sounded because theatre. The building was hard to find because it was set back in a kind of alley complex that was SUPER shady and graffitied and even at 7am just completely sketchy. I was skeptical. And unforch, because it was so early, no staffers were in yet. The maid was there, luckily, and was used to dealing with guests arriving at inopportune times, and she told us we could leave our stuff and come back in….six hours. I KNOW! I was soooo mad. Surely the main employee would be in at 9, right? And would call us and tell us that our room was ready before the godforsaken common check in time of 2pm? I could not wait six hours! But I had to! Ahhh! Anyway the ‘place’ we could leave our stuff was right there in the main hallway, reeeeeally not secure, so I was not feeling this place at all. Strike after strike. Z was like ‘who is going to steal our disgusting stuff tho’ and I was like ‘disgusting people tho’. I asked the maid if there was a bathroom we could use – we still needed to brush our teeth and stuff if we couldn’t shower yet! Well, this is an apartment hotel type jawn, not a hotel hotel with bathrooms on the main floor or anything, so no, the only bathrooms are in the rooms. Ahhhh! Luckily, the maid was super nice and showed us to one down the hall that was HER CLOSET. Like it had all her cleaning supplies in it and also all her snacks and changes of clothes and pictures and knick knacks and stuff and also a toilet and a tiny baby sink and it was sooooo awkward. I was so grumpy about this whole situation. But there’s no time to sulk when you are filthy and also in a new exciting city! We decided to go out and get food, and that story plus all related stories will come in a separate post about Kyiv food next. After that and some activities which I’ll talk about next, our room was ready, and it was GREAT. I was so happy because after how low my expectations had dropped since arriving, it was so much nicer than I hoped. It was clean and modern, all black and white and cool, with a nice bathroom and a big comfy bed with really good white sheets. I love white sheets. Anyway, so don’t judge a book by its cover or its lack of employees or main floor toilets and all that. I would highly recommend staying here.
St Sophia
The most important activity for us to do in the city center was see the St. Sophia Cathedral, the oldest surviving church in Kyiv. It’s a UNESCO World Heritage site and you know how we feel about them (loves it!) so off we went to see how the old broad looked after about 1000 years of hard living. The complex is lovely. Note, the Bell Tower costs extra to climb up, but I think it’s worth it. It’s right at the entrance to the whole complex and is nice to end your visit with after seeing the rest of St. Sophia. Also, the Bell Tower is the only spot in the whole place where you are allowed to take pictures so it was worth it just so I can break up all my nonsense with pictures.
climb this biznatch
We had a nice time seeing all the interior churchiness and singing about how Jesus is an ocean, as one does. It’s said that in all the churches in Ukraine that ladies have to cover their heads because god hates seeing us evil-doers or whatever nonsense your religion teaches you to keep you down, but I don’t remember anyone telling me to do so here. I think they are more lenient with tourists. Anyway, we ended with the Bell Tower climb, because we like climbing this. I counted about 200 steps up before I stopped and lost track, which isn’t as bad as it could be buutttt the stairs were pretty, um, not reassuring as you could look through all the thin metal and exposed piping of the layout and see down forever and it was a little anxy. As you would expect of me because this is what I do when traveling in foreign lands and living my life, I banged my head super hard on a metal pipe despite there being a colored swatch on that section because it was low and apparently everyone hit their head on it before they decided to paint the cautionary alert on it but of course I am special and hit my head after they flagged it. It was really painful and we had to stop for a few minutes for the pain to subside and for me to run through the customary thoughts I have every time I hit my head which invariably have to do with Natasha Richardson. Luckily I was okay though, and it seems like Liam is now too. And the views from the top were nice.
“And the hands get heavy oh the hands I don’t know what to do with the hands or the feet”
Our next sight to see was the Golden Gate in the middle of the city, standing like a fortress to remind us of all the fortifications they once needed (prob still need) against enemies. It was named after the Golden Gate of Constantinople, and although it was completely destroyed during the Middle Ages, it was rebuilt by the Soviets in the ’80s. It’s a tad controversial, because no images of the original gate actually exist, so the rebuilding process was under scrutiny from historians et al. who were like ‘no THIS is what it should look like’ ‘ no THIS is’ ‘no YOU’RE mother was a hamster’ and finally Vlad over at the Soviet Historical Society was like ‘no guys this is what we’re doing, you disagree I kill you’ or something probably close to that.
The gate/fortress jawn is right at Zolotovoritsky Square, a lovely little square near a park and a nice row of restaurants and stuff. It’s a nice little city.
Okay so I THINK there was a lil church at the top of the Golden Gate?? And this is me in it?
looks like a funky curved lens doesn’t it like i’m in a funhouse mirror or something
This city is so nice, full of statues and greenery and beautiful buildings. I keep saying that, don’t I, that it was so ‘nice’ and I really hate that word. But there’s not much more I can think of to describe it, because I never really clicked with it. It was great to be back in Europe, and to see such lovely architecture and important monuments and relics of history and all, but I never really jived (jove?) with Kyiv. My husband liked it a lot more than I did, but I didn’t necessarily dislike it, not at all. I just didn’t connect with it. It was nice to look at, nice to be in, but I didn’t feel much for it. My heart wasn’t in it, despite its checking off all the proper points on my list like it was my Walter or my Frank in a Nora Ephron rom com before I met Tom Hanks. (Tom Hanks, btw, would be my Warsaw. Stay tuned for that, our next destination.)
who dat ninja
now that I like
As always, I loved finding funny signs or product names in stores, and despite being back in Europe, we still found some, like this brand of milk that can probably only be enjoyed by blond boys named Chad who swim for just-sub-Ivies.
Or this shop, which we made a LOT of very bad jokes about because Tories are the ones who would cut all arts funding in the UK you get?
AIN’T NO SUCH THING
We had a great time exploring Kyiv. I know you’re probably thinking…you didn’t do that much, right? Well, that’s because our main activity warrants its own post (coming next, along with a food post). The main reason for our visit to Kyiv, besides logistics, was to visit Chernobyl. We took an all day (like seriously from dawn till nighttime) tour of the zone of the infamous, horrible nuclear disaster, and it was astounding. Devastating, heartbreaking, and we learned so much that is only now coming to light about the disaster. It’s a truly worthwhile trip to take if you are in Ukraine or in Kyiv, which, despite my not clicking with it whole-heartedly, I still do recommend visiting!
