Entering China: The Train from Ulaan Baatar to Beijingby Randi / August 2, 2017
After the endless dilapidation of Mongolia, the modernity and familiarity of a big city like Beijing was a breath of fresh air. Well, a breath of air. Walking around the smog with giant smiles on our faces, we have never been so happy to see Starbucks, H&M, heck they even had a Uniqlo! There were SKYSCRAPERS! THERE WERE SIDEWALKS! The cars were driving on paved roads! With painted lines on them for following traffic! No one followed the lines or any semblance of traffic laws but still, they were there! We were so happy to be in an established city, you cannot believe. Every time we saw stairs that weren’t falling apart, we smiled. Sure, for some reason the stairs all over the city are only 3 inches in height (what’s going on there) and we have to take them at least 2 at a time to make any progress and going down two steps at a time is suuuuuperrrr awkward, but hey, it’s A CITY!
EVEN MORE SALE?? well by gum!
There was so much to see and do, but our first day we decided to leisurely explore and eat and try to take it easy while we could, with four packed sightseeing days and months of hectic travel still to come. We had an amazing lunch (separate post natch!), stocked up at the vegetarian shop (will be in the food post), and checked out Tiananmen Square, the thing we had to do our first day.
HELLO MR WOBOT I WUV YOU WOBOT
So many people but because the square is so big it’s probably the least dense crowd anywhere in China!
Damn that place is big! And crowded! And very impressive. It’s the world’s largest public square, three times bigger than Red Square, and speaking of Moscow, I haven’t seen such a police presence since our time in that city. All around Tiananmen Square and the Forbidden City environs, it’s all police barricades, all the time. The lines can stretch for enormous city blocks, and you have to go down stairs and through underground tunnels and back up only to be in another line for security and metal detector checks, then back in a line to cross the street underground then MORE labyrinthine underground tunnels to try to find the part of the square you actually want to be in. It is not easy to get around, and you cannot bet on being somewhere at a certain time because the path that makes sense to get there will not be available. The heavy police control of the area put the Moscow barricading shenanigans to shame.
We arrived that first time in the evening, and there was a huge crowd of people waiting around waiting for something. We were excited – what had we chanced upon? We found European lookers who we guessed would speak English, and they said that just every sunset there is a flag-lowering ceremony, and same for raising at sunrise. Dude. Y’all need better activities. We did not wait around for that.
The north side of the square is marked by the huge portrait of Mao, at the Gate of Heavenly Peace. The Chinese really know how to give epic names.
The north side of the square is marked by the huge portrait of Mao, at the Gate of Heavenly Peace. The Chinese really know how to give epic names.
The square seems to go on forever, with a few important buildings on the sides but nothing really in the middle except billions of people. Most striking to us was our first glimpse into the government’s close monitoring of its people: there are loads of security cameras everywhere, mounted on every pole, everywhere you look.
We went back to the square another day for an epic day of sightseeing. We had SUCH a schedule: Get up super early to see Mao’s tomb (another embalmed corpse to add to our list this summer!) (opens at 7:30am), explore the Forbidden City for the first half of the day into the afternoon, and then visit the Temple of Heaven in the afternoon. It would be a lot, but there’s a lot to see here! Our plans to get to Mao early and done with were thwarted by several things. First, the police barricading was off the charts. We walked for a good 30 minutes past where we wanted to go because we just couldn’t get into that section. It was ridiculous. When we finally got to Mao’s tomb, we were concerned at the lack of visible queueing, considering everything we read said that the lines would be super long. There was a single guard outside his tomb, and a few straggler tourists looking in like ‘hey why can’t we go in?’ But yeah, we couldn’t go in. We googled. Mao’s tomb has been closed for months for renovations or new embalming time or some such nonsense and won’t open till the fall! Nooo! Our most important corpse of the summer! Lucky Z saw the shiny body when he was here for the Olympics, but now I’ll have to come back. Or, ya know, I’m okay. I have seen a lot of shiny corpses lately. Just a disappointment not to add the big kahuna to my list.
MAO I KNOW YOU’RE IN THERE LET ME IN
Anyway, we then made our way to the Forbidden City, along with all of China’s billion+ people. Hot damn, I don’t think I’ve ever been in such an enormous crowd for so long. It was the most crowded place ever, so big and endless a site but teeming with people in every corner, at every turn. I figured, jeez but at least this is like, the MOST crowded and important tourist attraction in the biggest most populated city in China, so it can only get better from here. HAHA but Beijing isn’t the biggest city! I made an ass out of you and me! Shanghai has almost like 9 million more people! AND SHANGHAI ISN’T EVEN THE BIGGEST! This country is enormous! Even little cities we’ve never heard of have more people than NYC! ahhhhhh. So yes, the Forbidden City is amazing and important to see, but dayum, take your Ativan, because PEOPLE BE PUSHING.
when it started raining people hid under cover like they were gonna melt
Not just the name of a Chinese restaurant we used to get takeout from in the Illadelph, Forbidden City is a palace complex that was home to two imperial dynasties until the last Qing emperor. So not a city, but as big as a city. They’re trying to get away from that whole ‘wait is it a city no definitely not a city but sort of’ name by calling it the Palace Museum but that sounds super lame compared to the imposing connotation of the real name. Now it is full of ancient gates and buildings used as museums now, for imperial jewels and art and clocks and stuff. The gates and the buildings from the outside are the most impressive, but it goes on and on forever. FOREVER. It’s hot in the summer and sticky, and even though it rained for a bit when we were there it was still so gross. And people touch your arms because there’s no room even though it is CITY-SIZED and there’s no worse feeling than strange sweaty arm touching your sweaty arm and brb I have to go vomit.
First stop in the palace grounds was the pottery museum, because the BOOK SAID SO. It was fine, I mean pottery is not thrilling, but the ceiling in that building was awesome. Yes I liked the ceiling best.
Then we started making our way through the famous gates. The best part is that I got to act like Mulan and take a picture in front of the steps of where she flies in at the end and like saves the emperor or whatever I forget the plot but I know the music is great.
Then we started making our way through the famous gates. The best part is that I got to act like Mulan and take a picture in front of the steps of where she flies in at the end and like saves the emperor or whatever I forget the plot but I know the music is great.
So oh, backtrack, because if I try to move pictures around it’ll crash because getting on the internet here in China is precarious like a perch. Upon arrival at the Forbidden City, you get in a super long line to buy tickets. Suuuper long. We waited at least a half hour. It doesn’t include everything in the grounds – as always, you have to pay extra for some exhibits like the Clock Tower and the Treasury. Boo. Right before entering the ticket area, there’s a big toilet. No one does public toilets like the Chinese! Right outside, we chanced upon this water show, like a baby-Bellagio.
You enter the Meridian Gate, and you take pictures with a billion Chinese people in them. Then you go through a temple, see a throne room, then go through another gate, then another temple, then another gate, all separated by big plazas and millions of people and it takes forever and you are literally like 1% through the enormous grounds.
The best part of the Forbidden City is the Imperial Garden, which is likely the last part of your visit so make sure you leave time for it. I wish we had gone faster through the endless gate and temple part to spend more time in the gardens, but it was all super crowded anyway. Literally all my garden photos look like just group shots of Chinese people, so this is my attempt at photographing the northern sections with as few people as possible:
garden
I went IN THE DEPTHS OF CROWD to get this picture. It was so sweaty so many sweaty arms omg omgomg
I think we didn’t even see all of it, because it’s kind of a maze of 7000 square meters of beauty and 7000 million other visitors. It’s lovely though.
Nine Snakes Wall or something
The best thing about the Forbidden city, besides of course seeing all these important sights, is that they have a good number of well-signed toilets. Harder to find but just as important is the restaurant, which does bento-style (is it wrong to use that word to describe Chinese food) meals and has a mushroom-based vegetarian option. I’m including it here and not on the food post because we are talking about the Forbidden City and it just makes sense.
This was actually really good and not just because I was very hungry! It was 46 RMB (like $7) which is great considering it was the one restaurant in the entire grounds and they could have seriously overcharged. There are several snack stands and cafes with little boxed burgers and other nonsense, so the restaurant is worth finidng. Bring a lot of water and snacks though, especially in the summer because it will be hot and sweaty. You’ll be able to buy water here and there but it’s expensive, and I saw mostly just little tiny 16 oz. bottles which is a joke, those are good for one sip.
The Forbidden City is a must do, of course, but is kind of stressful so be sure you are in the right mindset for it. Like don’t go to a museum beforehand or anything completely foolish like that. It did seem less crowded when we left around 3 or 4pm ish, but considering we arrived at like 10am, you don’t want to risk not having enough time if you arrive late. Go, get it over with, get good pictures of famous sights and a million strangers, and then move on to the more enjoyable places.
Like the Temple of Heaven.
We went to the Temple of Heaven immediately after our super long Forbidden City day because we are masochists. The beautiful, relatively calm park features wide open but manicured spaces and several important buildings to visit inside. You need to get the more expensive ticket option in order to enter the important buildings, most especially the Hall of Prayer for Good Harvests, which is a gorgeous blue building that, I’ma guess, was for praying for good harvests.
So beautiful, right? This is a 19th century reproduction of the building that was originally built in 1420 – it was destroyed in the 1800s by a LIGHTNING BOLT! What are the odds.
The Imperial Vault of Heaven is another of the inside sights to see. It was for the early gymnastics teams to practice their vaults, I assume.
I’m sorry if this pic is actually not the vault place it’s hard to remember so many things when I have so many song lyrics in my memory spaces
The Echo Wall is apparently able to carry a whisper from one side to the other, so you could communicate with someone far away, and the book says that it’s hard to find a time when the crowd won’t inhibit your efforts to do so, but what really inhibited us was the complete lack of signage about where these supposed whisper spots were located. FOR SHAME. Whatever. You know how else I can hear Z? By standing next to him.
The Echo Wall is apparently able to carry a whisper from one side to the other, so you could communicate with someone far away, and the book says that it’s hard to find a time when the crowd won’t inhibit your efforts to do so, but what really inhibited us was the complete lack of signage about where these supposed whisper spots were located. FOR SHAME. Whatever. You know how else I can hear Z? By standing next to him.
There’s also a place called the Animal Killing Pavilion which like, yes I’m sure that’s an accurate name but COME THE F ON, BRIDGET. Aside from that, the Temple of Heaven was a lovely park. I wish there were more toilets – it was hard to find one inside the park and I almost pulled a Mongolia behind a tree. But it’s definitely a must visit.
Another day, we did some temple-viewing: first, the Lama Temple and then the Confucius Temple & Imperial College. It’s so interesting how similar they are in terms of architecture and structure and design, except the former is the typical kind brimming with piles of money and fruit given in devotion, and the latter has none of that. I like Confucius’s style. It bothers me so much to see poor people put their money and food in front of a golden statue. It’s SO weird. Like, use that to feed yourself. Religion is such a scam. But at least these temples are beautiful.
i can’t smile because my hat is so messed up
The Lama Temple is apparently the most renowned Tibetan Buddhist temple that is not in Tibet, which is a big deal. The guide book says it’s “a glittering attraction in Beijing’s Buddhist firmament,” which cracks me up because that’s like almost exactly what Lina Lamont says in her interview and I keep hearing it in her voice and getting the giggles. The temples are imposing and gorgeous, and the statues aren’t boring even though by now we’ve seen many iterations on the same theme.
New here though, and common throughout China we would find, is that they give you incense to burn at designated fire pits, essentially, to assist in your prayer. Even though I hate incense, smoke, and perfumey smells of all kinds, I participated because I got to burn things for free. There really are fire stations all over these temples, with big open flames with tons of people just pushing each other trying to get their sticks into the fire. It is dangerous. We got ours enflamed and then were like, so now what do we do. We looked around for guidance and realized that all these people were in fact Buddhists and were bowing to the statues with their incense smoke being offered to their deities. We were like oh maybe we just stand back.
They gave us packs of 10 sticks but the signs said only to burn 3 and we didn’t want to offend the gods so we have partially full incense packs from Lama Temple as our very first souvenir of this entire summer. What are the odds they actually make it back to London?
daaaaaaaamn what this bitch’s problem!
During our time in Mongolia and in Southeast Asia, we learned enough about Buddhism and the various players that we are now able to recognize symbolism in the statues and be like oh is that Green Tara or is that the other guy? Pretty interesting and confusing. I’m reminded here of the yoga retreat/cult compound I went to in California where the elders told me that their esteemed yoga Founder was both Jesus and Buddha in a previous life. Cool. Cool cool cool cool.
Just down the street from Lama Temple is Confucius Temple & Imperial College, so make a big morning or afternoon of seeing both of these sites plus all the neighborhood’s many hutongs (narrow alleyways with historic courtyard homes set back from the busyness of the city; the books make a bigger deal about these hutongs than they’re worth, like, you’ll see them just being out in the city and they’re fine but not like ‘do a whole hutong walking tour!’ levels of importance). The Confucian Temple’s tranquility was undeniable, with pavilions and important old trees and, of course, the statue of the big guy himself.
YO FYOOOOSH WHAT’S THE HAAAAPS
It’s nice just to walk around the outside grounds (I wasn’t really into the museum-y parts lining the perimeter, they are boring) and enjoy the moat and bridges around the main temples.
I love a good moat
On the same grounds is the Imperial College, not to be confused with the one that spawned many a great University Challenge team, but the one built by the grandson of Kublai Khan in 1306. It was once the most important and highest regarded academic college, for three dynasties.
it totally still feels like a college!
Am I just drinking the Kool Aid or does Confucianism seem totally reasonable? I think I need to learn more about it, but the choice quotes they had reprinted in English along the grounds were hard to argue with. Stuff like be kind and don’t be a daft prick and stuff like that. On board.
Honestly, the best part about Beijing – besides being in a real city with real city perks – is that it put all the amazing English tee shirts and stuff we’ve seen in Russia and Mongolia to shame. Of course the stuff we see in China is going to be soo much better, it’s all made here. And I don’t feel super bad about pointing out how dumb it all is because western people trying to use Chinese characters (or any character-based language) is 100x worse. This is mostly adorable. Every time, we want to be like, do you know what your shirt says?! From 90-year-old men wearing shirts that say “Parental Advisory: Explicit Content” to young men wearing shirts saying “The Future Looked Bright” to girls wearing “Dream of Hope and Tomorrow is Yes” sweatshirts, it’s an endless and amazing onslaught of bad English.
does it say anything ABOVE plagiarism???!!! I hope not
THAT’S NOT VERY NICE
I guess that’s close enough
As such, the signage around the city (and country) is flipping awesome too.
looks like someone just saw the movie with Sarah Marshall where the cell phone KILLS PEOPLEEEEE
I don’t know what this means
WAIT WAIT, HOLD THE PHONE – PEEING IN THE POOL IS YOU ARE THE BEST???
The above toilet sign is obviously my Life Credo
just super impressed that they got this verb tense right but then spelled around wrong, SO CLOSE
And of course, those of you on my facebook have seen this incredible one:
We also loved these people taking a photoshoot of their baby right on the street:
The least best thing about Beijing is realizing how rough it will be for us throughout China coming from the UK, Land of Proper Queueing. Chinese people DO NOT QUEUE. We’d be waiting in line for something, anything – the subway’s security check (every metro station begins with a bag x-ray), a toilet, tickets for a tourist attraction, checkout at the grocery store – and without fail at least two people will just cut right in front of us when we get to the front. And I don’t think it’s out of rudeness – they really just do not recognize that as wrong. It’s very much dog eat dog (I won’t make the obvious dumb joke), everyone looking out for himself, and discourteous behavior is not good or bad, it’s just part of the culture. It’s annoying in crowded places like on the subway – you know how if someone is trying to pass, you’ll scooch up a little to let them pass, fully intending to reclaim your space after they pass and not remaining on your tiptoes with no center of gravity? Yeah here, someone will take that little bit of space you scooched for before you can put your heels down. It’s annoying. The subways really are sooo crowded. And despite being such an international city, everyone stared at us for being white. It is not fun, and I imagine it is going to get super old super fast, and only will worsen as we go into the not-so-touristed bits.
You know what else is super hard wrap my head around? Everyone burps and farts, and LOUD. It’s insane. We knew about all the spitting – we didn’t realize just how prevalent it was, but we knew people would hack up a lung and spit it on the street. (I didn’t expect young beautiful women to do it, which was sexist of me, because I quickly learned they are gross champs at it. It’s kind of hilarious.) (Is it because of the pollution? It’s more forgivable if so.) But we did not know about the farting. It is unmistakable – in restaurants, cafes, museums, trains, we keep hearing like a sound effects version of a fart and realize it’s coming from a nearby person and then another and another. SO GROSS.
HOTEL
We stayed at one of the 161 Wanfujing Hotel chain outlets, right down the street from the nicer Courtyard version of the hotel. It was fine, more like a hostel than a hotel, or at least a budget hotel, but with our own bathroom. The bed and bathroom were clean at least, if the room at large just…wasn’t, and the lobby area was nice. They had a mezzanine seating area that the sign said was open till 11pm (the wifi was better there; awful in the rooms) but every night a girl would kick us out at 10pm and say ‘just tonight is special closing time’ or some nonsense that by the 3rd or 4th time I just refused to leave until 11pm. The only trouble with the hotel is that there’s a tourist service desk in the lobby, a separate company’s representative, but still, in the lobby, and the guy selling the tours is a big bag o’ dicks. We got our Great Wall tour through him (so did everyone in the hotel and all surrounding hotels and hostels, apparently, it was just for the most popular big bus trips there) and it was different from what he sold us in terms of size and vehicle and other details. When we confronted him after the fact, he asked if we had a recording of him to prove that he lied. F-ing hell I wish I punched him in the throat but I can’t get arrested here. Luckily it wasn’t that big a deal, we still had an amazing time on the Wall, but to be confronted with a level of customer service that makes London’s look good is astonishing.
Aside from Prickadick McGee, we really enjoyed our time in Beijing and would happily go back. On the corner of the main street leading to our hotel was a supermarket (yay cheap water!), and every night there would be a group of old ladies dancing on the corner in a choreographed dance. It was amazing. We wondered how they learned it, but then one night we saw the instructor calling out moves, presumably teaching a new dance. Was so fun. I love old lady public group dancing.
GOALS
The food was amazing (next post), as was the Great Wall, which warrants its own separate post too. No matter what you think it’ll be like, it will still surprise you with how spectacular it is. I would love to go back to see another section of it. As a city, Beijing was exactly what we needed at this time, and was a great welcome back to civilization. Getting anywhere was a bit intense, just because there were so many people, but honestly after our time in sparse Mongolia, a huge number of people in a big city was kind of refreshing. More like home! Obviously, we got sick of the unfathomable crowds quickly (1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese now? that’s more than are Penn State graduates!) but for our first stop of 5+ weeks in China, Beijing was everything we could have asked for.
if you look closely, you should see why Panama should be pissed
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First Long Train in Russia: 24 Hours from Vladimir to Yekaterinburg
June 28-29, 2017
Middle of Russia
Middle of Russia
Dear Little Laptop Diary,
Well. The St. Petersburg-Moscow sleeper really spoiled me and set my expectations too high. Hell, 2003-era New Jersey Transit set my expectations too high. Our first superlong train, the 24 hour sleeper from Vladimir to Yekaterinburg, was a bit dismal. The cabin was fine, it really was, and we had a very nice older Russian lady in with us who helped us make our beds when we proved completely incompetent on that front (the mattress pad doesn’t go IN the duvet-cover looking thing, YOU do! Or nothing does! Still unclear!). But that first sleeper to Moscow was oh so special. They gave us slippers for crying out loud! Our beds were made for us! They were comfy! There were no slippers to be found on this one. And thank the lord I brought flip flops, because the toilets were the most disgusting I have seen since our non-sleeper train throughout the countryside of Bosnia. At least on that train I didn’t have to take my contacts out. On this one I did. It was horrific. The floor was wet and coated in sludge, the soap dispenser was dry, and the toilets were reminiscent of Amtrak’s Northeast Corridor ones. I should have remembered Amtrak the first time I had to use the sink, because I wasted 10 minutes trying to get it to work by turning the spigots as you do normally before I finally asked a Russian lady to help. It was the kind of sink you had to push up with your palm to get a trickle of water out. My god. On the Moscow sleeper I accidentally brushed my teeth with the train water; I wasn’t thinking because it was all so clean and nice. We were definitely using bottled water for this one.
Scenery’s nice
The samovar, one in every carriage. So you can always get boiled water for instant meals and tea. |
Down the hallway of our carriage. Rooms to the right, samovar straight ahead, toilet after the samovar, my exercise barre to the left, cigarette smoke everywhere |
At about 9pm I realized that the lady had fallen asleep, which is like wow I wish I could fall asleep with all these Russian children shouting. And someone nearby is smoking, which is not allowed but I guess Russia goes in the way of Greece where smoking isn’t ‘legally’ allowed but it is culturally always allowed and just ugh smoking is disgusting.
It’s the rockiest train journey I’ve ever taken, the kind where you are tensing your whole body so you don’t fly off the seat. Of course I couldn’t sleep like that! I was being thrown around my little bed mat by every bump and turn. It also made a lot of overnight stops, and when the train stops it’s like the world is stopping. The huge brakes made the loudest banging noises like we were being attacked. At least 30 times during the night I thought the train was going off the rails, it was that bumpy and uneasy. At the 5:30am stop, our second stranger cabinmate arrived, for the bed above mine. She had to stand along the side of my bed in order to make hers. Needless to say I didn’t sleep until maybe 7am, until 9:45. What a great rest. The other woman, the older one who seemed so nice, had the attendant close our cabin’s window because it would blow on her neck on the top bunk. But like. We are four people in an enclosed closet and you’re shutting off our air supply? Nyet nyet nyet! Also, fresh cool air is the only thing that really helps my constant motion sickness, so taking that away from me meant a restless night of severe nausea, discomfort, strangers, and tears.
Also, the sun is still rising like it did in Helsinki and all through Russia so far — at 3am. At some point in the night I lost my eye mask.
When I gave up trying to sleep, I brushed my teeth and washed my face with bottled water (hard to do the latter). The stranger above me was ready to eat her food which means she had to sit on my bottom bunk and use the small table that Husband and I both banged our heads on repeatedly during the night. So I just kind of stood in the cramped hallway for a few hours by the open windows out there (yesss) as more people smoked illegally and I tried to relax. There’s a bar running along the hallway so I did some barre exercises which a small boy found HILARIOUS. I felt a lot better after doing them though. The nausea got a little better with the fresh air and I had an orange that I brought for breakfast. I reclaimed my table and wrote for a few hours before a lunch of dehydrated vegetable crackers I got at Veggie Bro in Vladimir. Interesting day, I must say. Happily, I didn’t realize that 2 of the 26 hours of this train journey were just time zone changes (we are going through so many time zones jesus this country is enormous) so we have only 6-7 hours left! Ugh I can’t believe this is only the first of its kind. Once we land in Yekaterinburg, we have a night in a nice hotel, which seemed like a really sweet idea at first, to pamper ourselves after all these hostels and immediately after this first gross train – and immediately before our big 3-day gross train – but I think it might just feel like when Lewis Black talked about how the government one year gave refunds of $350 to people with kids to help out with that and he said it would have been nicer to them to just knock on their doors and piss on their feet. What I’m saying is I think a hotel might just make me feel worse about going back to close proximity with strangers for 3 days and the grossest bathrooms ever. At least not using my contacts for that long will be good for my dry eyes. Man alive.
People are still smoking, which is just like really cute for all of us. I love when people flout rules and common decency. At least some of the scenery is starting to get pretty. We just passed a big river which was nice. And we passed Chaykovskaya station, which is where the composer Tchaikovksy was born. It’s fun not having to worry about how to spell that in English anymore because it’s just made up transliteration. Like Chanukah! Spell it however you want when it’s not in its real language. Anyway, so Chaikoffskee was born near this station so they named it after him. Our guide book says that historians now believe that instead of dying from cholera, he was blackmailed into taking poison when his affair with a nobleman’s nephew came to light. So I guess that is worse than all these gross train journeys. As long as I don’t use the tap water. Oh also I figured out why the toilets get locked at every station besides trying to make me explode – because they ‘flush’ just onto the tracks so they don’t want the station tracks to be disgusting like the countryside tracks. Seriously the flush is a lever you step on that just opens the bottom of the toilet and you can see onto the tracks. I need to stop thinking of my clean bathrooms at home, my lovely clean bathrooms with potable water. I’m having a hard time remembering why any sane person would leave those bathrooms. Oh right to see the world.
We are at a longer stop right now called Perm, which is where they do fun curly hairdos that work on 9% of women, so most people disembarked to buy food from the babushkas selling all kinds of things on the platform. I am guarding our stuff. Outside my window right now, there is a babushka singing a traditional Russian folk song (I mean I’m guessing but come on it’s not like it’s a Nicki Minaj song) and intermittently she will stop singing to scream at someone who crossed her. I can’t see any of the babushkas with food, but I do see the ice cream cart (everywhere you go in Russia!) and it is swarmed, of course. Z money just came back and said the babushkas failed him and only had ice cream and soda and bags of chips and stuff, which is laaame. Luckily we brought tomatoes, cucumbers, and bread so we will make sandwiches. Sure to be better than my dinner last night of plain bread and cinnamon-y cookies I found at a supermarket (sure of their veganness this time because they also had English ingredients!!!) .
Overall, I’m grateful that the strangers are nicer than they could have been, I’m grateful that older lady allowed me to open the window for the daytime, I’m grateful to Iberia for our last flight when the soap dispenser wasn’t working and they showed me where they kept the single-serve liquid soap packs and I took a lot for this trip because we will DEFINITELY need them, and I’m grateful that I’m not being blackmailed into taking poison. I will keep repeating this to myself as a reminder that it’s not so bad, that we could smell worse, that I could be really sick and I’m not, that everything could be worse. As it is, I’m just on a kind of gross train through Russia and out of my comfort zone of silence and cleanliness. It’ll be okay.
Okay older lady just shut the window again goddammit.
Our cabin with two strangers. Would end up being one of the better/nicer experiences of its kind! Stay tuned.
A Day Trip to Chernobyl: Ukraine’s Infamous Disaster, Plus Dogs
Taking a tour of a disaster zone seems like it maybe would be lower down on the list of must-dos for a tourist visiting a foreign country, but when you are in Ukraine, a visit to Chernobyl is essential. This nuclear disaster from 1986 (actually, from April 25, 1986 so happy(?) anniversary) is something all of us have heard of, but few know the details about how it affected everyday people (in large part because of all the government-imposed secrecy and/or lies (‘ALLEGEDLY’)). Understanding how devastating the catastrophe was to ordinary people is difficult without seeing the damage firsthand. We hear too often about this or that terrible event that occurred here or there but when you’re removed from it, it’s hard to really grasp what happened. Visiting Chernobyl, we learned so much more about not only the disaster but about Ukraine and international politics in general than we could have otherwise. Seeing and experiencing this in person is necessary. And there is so much information about this horrible event still coming to light after years of lies and cover-ups, so a visit now is super interesting, providing a fascinating look into this sad history.
The Chernobyl disaster occurred during a safety test in the middle of the night, as ironic as that sounds. The test simulated a blackout power failure where safety systems were turned off on purpose. It is generally said that the operators performing the test were really bad at their job and they arranged the core improperly, so that a reaction occurred, and, since all the safety measures were turned off for the test, it got out of hand real fast. Like all events of this nature, there are tons of conspiracy theories floating around about what the real truth is, and though I don’t like to indulge such theorists, I must admit it is a little too convenient to blame all of this on a handful of individual workers doing their single task improperly. Anyway, there was a power surge and the attempts to shut it down added to all the power output and I want to say that water got into the core? And erupted into a steam explosion? And then a graphite fire? Firefighters tried to put it out with their normal methods but this wasn’t like a wood-burning stove, it was a freaking nuclear reaction, but they had no idea how to counter such a fire. It burned and burned for 9 days. Huge numbers of service people who tried to fight the fire ended up with radiation-caused illnesses – immediately, acute radiation syndrome and lethal doses of radiation; and longer-term, radiation-caused cancers. Many died painful, awful deaths, especially the bravest ones who had to get the closest in order to stop the flow of water into the core. These heroes were referred to as Liquidators, and approximately 600,000 such workers served in the aftermath of the explosion. That’s right, 600,000. Some organizations estimate that 60,000 (10%) died from radiation and 160,000 were disabled from it. Accurate numbers don’t really exist because of all the politics of the countries involved (and Russia pretty much refuses to honestly investigate it) so it’s safe to guess that real figures are higher. This is just one example of how the politicians involved wanted to sweep so much of what happened under the rug and refuse to tell the truth to the populace. And it’s not just the former Soviet block: As the radiation cloud blew over the USSR and Europe, France told its citizens that it was not dangerous radiation at all, outright denying that such a cloud was in their airspace, which it totally was. It’s not just Soviet dictatorships that lie to their people!
Everything about this disaster is terrifying, including how the people who lived in the surrounding area were treated. These were normal residential places, like Pripyat, a regular town that happened to have a nuclear power plant, like in The Simpsons. In the few days right after the explosion, a zone of 10 kilometers around the explosion was evacuated. The next day or so, the zone was increased to 30 kilometers, with more and more people bussed out day by day. All of these people were told that the evacuation would be for a few days only and so they didn’t need to bring any of their things. They could carry, well, only what they could carry. They were told they’d be back in their homes in a few days. In fact, none of them were ever allowed back into town, let alone into their homes, not until everything had long been destroyed at least, as we will see in this post. Eventually, as the explosion continued sending plumes of radiation into the atmosphere with no end in sight, the number of evacuees in that first year reached 135,000 people. The number would triple over the next few years.
Although the technical information about the explosion itself is what most research will talk about, the human element of all the residents whose lives were forever changed is really what a tour to Chernobyl makes you consider the most. Seeing all of the homes, the schools, the gyms, all the everyday aspects of an everyday town is more effective than anything else in showing how many people lost everything they knew before they knew it was happening. And they were the lucky ones who didn’t get exposed to lethal doses of radiation. What these residents went through is tragic and heartbreaking, and infuriating when it comes to the government.
So we had to go SEE the thing! as everyone who visits Kyiv should and does. We choked down some Cherno-bly and booked two spots on the group tour with SoloEast Travel Chernobyl Tours, the website of which features the host of Top Gear as their celebrity client, which adds to the whole ‘this is a weird thing guys’ vibe of a tourism jaunt to a nuclear disaster zone. SoloEast has great reviews so we paid the approximately $80 per person for the all-day tour. It’s a lot but it is all day and it is a reputable company that actually teaches you stuff. We met in the morning in the central square of Kyiv, called Independence Square, on the side where there is a McDonald’s which is great because Z could get coffee and I could pee twice before we left. The drive would be several hours but luckily they stopped enough at gas stations (usually for ice cream? for breakfast? I saw this all over this part of the world really) so I never had to worry too much about bathroom breaks. I mean I did still worry of course, but I didn’t need to. We got seats right up front behind the driver, my favorite seat, ostensibly so we could talk to the guides and ask extra questions and get extra guidance and info but really so I could become their friend and ask for a stop whenever I needed. Also it’s better for motion sickness. And also to get away from the yoots in the back (always) who bought alcohol at every gas station like they thought they were cool or something. Yeesh.
Lol my seat at the front, plus a look at the yoots being so cool outside
Oh and look at this one’s backpack. Man alive.
If you can’t read it well, it says LIFE IS PORNO. what does that mean. this is inappropriate for work and for Chernobyl
Okay that’s enough of the silly things. It’s time to get serious. You must wear longs-and-longs, in camp lingo – long pants and long sleeves, and closed shoes like sneakers. (This is to protect your skin from radiation, although it is generally safe to visit, no more dangerous radiation-wise than flying, really.) Once we got into the Chernobyl zone, there are a lot of checkpoints. Everyone has to get off the bus for the guards to look you over and check your passports. (Oh you have to bring your passport.) Sometimes the checkpoints were simple and fast, other times took longer. There is one main checkpoint into the area where all the busses of tourists coming that day convene and you can stare at all the other tourists and you can buy really weird souvenirs and most importantly you can pee. Oh I think it goes without saying, but bring all the water you will need for the day. And snacks. Lunch at the barracks is included (tomato and cucumber salad, what what! (and soup) (it was fine and very nice to accommodate vegans)) but anything else you’ll need, bring yourself.
Tour bus meeting point! partay
After that, the long day of learning and lamenting can begin. We started out by walking around small abandoned cottages out in the woods in the outer edges of the Exclusion Zone. Some people refused to evacuate, some came back as soon as they could, and some left forever, so there’s a real mix of what you’ll find out here. Mostly, though, you find completely trashed shelters. This is not from the nuclear fallout, no; this is from vandalism (yoots). Everything we found that was destroyed (which was, indeed, everything) all over Pripyat and the surrounding towns we visited mainly had shitty delinquent thieves and other generalized sorts of offenders to thank for the damage, all of that that wasn’t due to age and rust. People are terrible. Even so, it’s easy to see what utter abandonment did to the once vibrant towns.
As you can see, the floors are not in good shape. It is treacherous to walk around certain parts of certain buildings, so it can be a lil bit scary. If you are not in good ambulatory shape, this tour would be difficult, but I think you can still appreciate everything from outside peeking in (ON THE OUTSIDE ALWAYS LOOKING IN WILL I EVER BE MORE THAN I’VE ALWAYS BEEN CAUSE I’M TAP TAP TAPPING ON THE GLASSSSS I’m sorry I’m done).
Where we’re going, we don’t need floors?
In case seeing cottages destroyed isn’t enough, let’s look at all the markings of everyday life that were also ruined. Seeing things like schools, music rooms, auditoriums (I’m not going to say auditoria) (I know I just did but you know what I meant) (I’m not that much of a jerk) &c in this state really hurts.
YOUR CAR WILL STOP AND IN I’LL HOP AND OFF WE’LL DRIIIIIIIVE WE’LL DRIIIIIIIIVE then again maybe not
Some kind of auditorium room in what looked like a primary school. I have the same bug-eyes I usually have in such rooms but this time it’s not due to stage fright
someone’s notebook from school?
Once a gymnastics studio
the music room
After exploring these woods at the outer limits of the Exclusion Zone, we made our way closer and closer to the center – the reactor, and into Pripyat. The town of Pripyat was made up of more Soviet-style apartment blocks rather than single-family houses, and we went into the buildings that were more stable. I think these apartment buildings are even more emotionally challenging to reckon with than the houses because you’re seeing so many people’s lost homes at once, so much loss and wreckage in one place. Also climbing up those stairs was terrifying.
and I thought my landlords sucked. (also the requisite “Blursula” caption)
this is my ‘please dear god don’t let this roof collapse’ face
We also saw all the markers of a regular town, or what’s left of them. From the world’s saddest jungle gym to the world’s saddest Ferris Wheel et al. at the amusement park, to the world’s saddest indoor pool and the…well, you know, just the World’s Saddest everything/fill-in-the-blank.
The Ferris Wheel pictured below had the highest level of radiation as measured on our Geiger counters that we went around with, save for when we were driving through the Red Forest on our way out from the plant. Geiger counters measure the levels of radiation nearby. We took a ‘normal’ reading in Kyiv when we first met the tour guides, which was about 0.3, and we watched as the numbers changed through the day. It rose to 0.77 as we approached the Ferris Wheel and jumped to 4.78 when we touched the counter to the carriage. I don’t know if we were supposed to do that but there we are. Driving through the Red Forest it soared to 14!!!! And we were inside the bus! When discussing radiation levels, people often talk about bananas, because the forms of potassium in bananas have lil bits of radioactivity. In fact, scientists actually use the measurement BED, or Banana Equivalent Dose, which is hilarious, and I’m not going to get all scientific here or anything, but it’s not used because bananas are dangerous or anything; it’ s just because using something so recognizable that has some radiation but not a dangerous level or anything makes it easy for us normies to compare relative radiation levels and risks. It’s a point of reference, so be assured that bananas, although a tiny bit radioactive (the most of any fruit), are not dangerous (not unless you eat a shittonne so we can still hope that Freelee gets hers).
And here’s the saddest thing to me, an indoor pool without that amazing indoor pool smell. I know I’m weird but it’s the best smell. This is the hill I stand on, I guess.
One of the most effective parts of this tour, as you can see above in the pool picture and below, is that the guides often showed us pictures of what it looked like exactly where we were standing but before the disaster.
We also got to see the Duga Radar system, which was a Soviet early-warning system used during the Cold War. It was meant to detect ballistic missiles. This thing was enormous and Z was really excited to see it because he knew about its historic significance, while I pretty much just wanted to climb it (you can’t) (and shouldn’t).
Next, we made our way to the actual plant. Not inside obviously but pretty close. We were lucky to visit when we did, because the No. 4 building of the power plant, the building were the explosion began, has a pretty new cover, referred to as the sarcophagus. Early on after the disaster, experts realized that no matter what they did, it would be impossible to rid the plant of its beyond-lethal levels of radiation, so they decided to built a shelter to cover it up and limit the amount of radiation that got out. Design started mere weeks after the explosion! The original sarcophagus, however, corroded in certain spots and was never predicted to last very long anyway, so a shiny new cover was built from steel. This new confinement shelter was built a few hundred meters away and then wheeled into place, on top of #4, in November 2016.
This giant supershiny supersmooth tube-looking thing in the back is the new confinement shelter. The Geiger counter registered 1.17 here, so this thing is really doing its job!
OK, last but certainly not least, we need to talk about the most important issue in Chernobyl today. When I said at the beginning that the citizens of Chernobyl and Pripyat were evacuated and told to leave everything, I didn’t mention the most upsetting part of what they had to leave behind: their pets. Many dogs were left in what became the ghost towns. I know it’s hard to think about it without crying, and by hard I mean impossible. All those doggies made other doggies, as they do, and they beget the current residents of the Chernobyl area, All These Great Doggies. Rule #1, if you go on this tour, you MUST bring a giant bag of dog food, as I did, and feed all of them as much as they want because they don’t get good food regularly.
the only thing better than a dog is dogs
THIS MY NEW FREN
SO CUTE RIGHT? And so sad. These dogs rely on the kindness of the workers in the zone to feed them, but they need so much more. They need medical care. The great people at Clean Futures Fund have begun a project to help these dogs receive the veterinary care they need, from medicine to vaccines to neuter…onomy. PLEASE DONATE whatever you can to the CFF on their website so do it click here!
To leave Chernobyl, at the last checkpoint you have to go through the dosimeter, to make sure you and your belongings have not become radioactive. I didn’t get a good shot of anyone in the thing, but picture the full-body Rapiscan at airports (the worst thing), how you have to put your hands up and pray that everything goes well and all. Luckily, everyone in our group passed the test! The guide told us that people fail very rarely, usually only if they broke the rules or wandered off into the woods without a guide. One girl apparently had sat down on the ground in the amusement park or something and so her pants got an eensy bit radioactive and she had to leave them there! I don’t know if I believe that story!
So that was our day at Chernobyl. We learned so much – in addition to the guide’s constant guidance, they showed videos on the bus during all the longer segments of the drive. A lot of the videos had relatively new information, like about all the government cover-ups and things only now coming to light. It’s all fascinating and devastating at once. We got back to Kyiv after 7pm, so it is a very long, exhausting, exhilarating day. If you go to Kyiv, you must must take this tour. If you have no plans to go, please for the love of dog give what you can to the Clean Futures Fund Dogs of Chernobyl Project.
The monument to the heroes who sacrificed their lives to contain the explosion.
