At our dinner, we were expecting the 5-course tasting menu we had been reading about since the hotel opened. But apparently that’s only on the weekends now, and we were there on a Monday, when it is 3 courses. A wee disappointment, the weeest really, and it’s also priced accordingly so it was a lot cheaper than we expected! It was still lovely, maybe not as weird Michelin-y tasting-y menu-y as we hoped, more ‘this is normal food that you’ll actually enjoy and will actually fill you’, which is nothing to sneeze at. Maybe we will one day go back for the fivers and see what weird shit they come up with, we love weird shit.

First of all, it’s important to know that there are hotel dogs around, so build in time to your visit for petting them properly. There’s one doggo who is sooo old and so sweet and just ugh so nice LOVES IT.

Saoirse operates dinnertime with like one seating, so all the 8-10 wee tables eat the same things at the same time, pretty much. Don’t worry, there are no family-style tables or anything (at least not since covid I think?) so you are spaced away from all the people coughing and generally being gross. While you wait for your table to be ready, you pet the dogs and you hang out at the bar, which has a really nice list of cocktails (both bar and bat). We tried a watermelony non-alc that was good, and I wanted to order another but couldn’t get anyone’s attention before we were ready to move into the main dining room.

I do wish that they had left us in the bar longer, because we sat at the tables awaiting the first course for about 30 minutes before it came, which whatever but no one was filling water or taking drink orders so I had to nearly diminish the reserves in my bag. That water was for the drive home! So service could deffo use a brush-up. Luckily they did bring little dinner rolls around. You had a choice of charcoal or beetroot, two simply incredible choices for bread, right? So I was like ‘puh puh puh porque no los dos???’ but luckily they were much more generous with the bread through the night than the water so I got to try both. Fill up on bread! My fave thing to do!

Okay then the real food started! First up was our baby corn salad – how ballsy is that considering how many people hate baby corn! I guess that might be an American thing because British people seem to love it? Correct me if I’m wrong! This salad had microgreens, big-balled caperberries (always think of Bridget Jones when faced with caperberries), and grilled baby corn. Okay grilling the bc is the way to go. It was a very decent starter salad, sharp and refreshing. I was still waiting for water during and after this course thoooo.

Onto the main! Let’s note that this was the summer menu (I’m a few months post), and though the first course felt appropriately refreshing and summery, the second felt very much appropriate for now, cold and dark winter. It was GREAT, actually, don’t get me wrong, but it didn’t feel seasonal. Here we have roast butternut squash (I know, like wintertime staple), with spicy pumpkin seed pesto, pickled celery, and lemon balm. First off, LOVING the pickled celery. Second, the pesto really was spicy! Way to go this country! It was a really nice mix of flavors, with the dark spicy pesto and the sharp pickled celery. The squash came two ways – cubed and on a bed of itself pureed. And best of all, the ‘chickpea’ listed in the description ended up being chickpea panisse, or a socca block, pick your romance language. I forking love socca so I was happy. It was so creamy and so good, much better than when I make it and you need to have a lot of water on hand because it swallows kinda dry. I think I need more oil/any oil. ANYWAY, a delicious wintry dish.

Again I waited for water for a long time, but the people are nice so I didn’t throw anything.

After another long wait, we got our dessert, and boy was it worth it!

Probably the best dish? I mean I am biased because it was dessert and it had the two dessert necessities – ice cream and chocolate. But man alive this was good! They really buried the lede with that printed menu just saying ‘chocolate torte’ and not the best part: the ice cream was BANANAS. No not ‘banana’, it was tonka bean and vanilla. I have never been able to try tonka bean anything despite really wanting to because it’s always in a dairy option so I was sooo excited to finally try it. And this ice cream was amaaazing. Like wish I could have bought a tub of it to bring home even though there’s no room in the freezer. We’d make it work. Amazing. The torte was fantastic too, like the densest richest chocolate torte ever. I could have done without the passionfruit gel on top because I think there are very very few times when chocolate and fruit actually go together so if it’s not banana or strawberry it’s just gonna be weird and incongruous. It was sour which I guess they wanted to counter all the sweet, but who wants to counter sweet? Crazy people!

But speaking of weird and incongruous but in a fun and good way: that last lump on the plate was all those things! Here we have peppercorn chocolate mousse. Like it’s nice chocolate mousse and there are peppercorns in there. Just for fun I guess. I don’t know if I liked it or just appreciated the weirdness but it was cool to try (once?).

We decided not to get the additional cheese plate, though many did. We were pretty full (and it costs more, and it was unclear if its 15 to share or 15 each person…it can’t possibly be 15 each person right? woof), though maybe next time I would try it, but only if I could get it before the actual dessert. Excuse me, but having a cheese plate after you’ve had ice cream and chocolate torte feels insane. Like who ever heard of eating an oat cake after you’ve had ice cream? It is nonsense to me. I know you disagree but man, if I’m having ice cream and chocolate why would I destroy that by eating anything else afterward? So weird.

So all in all it was a great dinner. Service left a bit to be desired, as it was pretty hard to get anyone’s attention for water or more drinks (and since they had interesting non-alcs I actually wanted one for the first time!), but they were nice and it was all nice. For £35 per person instead of the £60 for the 5 courses, we were pretty happy that we ended up there for a 3 course night. But hopefully one day we will be able to try the 5 and hopefully they will be weird and wonderful. This meal was much more normal, like regular food, which you know can be nice!

SAORSA 1875, PITLOCHRY, SCOTLAND, UK, CRUMBLING WORLD
Water speed: This is the one area that really could be improved! Like I said it was hard to get attention to ask for water or even to order drinks that we would pay money for! What a shame.
Service: See above but they were nice people. YOUR MA’S GOOD PEOPLE.
Bathrooms: There are two single-serves through the lobby of the hotel, pretty nice! Hotel bathrooms tend to be!
Food: ​Really good, even though we were expecting weird tasting menu shit, it was nice to eat food recognizable as food!
Bonus: Like I said, fully vegan hotel, dedicated to ethics, dogs around, Saoirse Ronan, what else could you want? They also do lunch, though it is a different vibe (burgers I think?). And one day I’ll be back for that tasting menu!

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This week, we had dinner – out – in a restaurant – for the first time since, well, you know. All this shiz. It was our wedding anniversary, so a fairly decent reason to risk our lives for a great meal, I guess. Last week or so I wrote about our return to the theatre, and how thank god it was a great show because if we’d risked our health and well-being for a piece of shit we’d be really mad. Well, same for this wonderful dinner. Alter, the latest hottest all-vegan restaurant in London’s ever-increasing vegan scene, delivered the goods, and I cannot wait to go back and try the rest of the menu.

Alter is the brainchild of chef Andy Hogben, who has cooked at several trendy place and has done a number of popular pop-ups in recent years and finally has a restaurant just a few blocks from my flat (the most important detail). Fun fact, a few years ago, he did a special dinner at The Frog Hoxton that we had tickets to, and then I got sick (pre-Covid), so husbo went with a friend and sent me pictures and it was torture. I was all (Sherie Rene Scott impression coming) “thissss shoulda been myyy tiiiime” but finally MY TIME HAS COME.

Alter’s whole concept reflects Andy’s sort of veganism (which is I think fairly recent? I could be wrong, it’s happened before, also what is time) – less focused on meat substitutes and the kind of “fun” food we find in abundance as a result of London’s obsession with vegan junk food bars. The menu focuses instead on fascinating flavor combinations from various cultures, especially those that are Not British. It’s very Thai-Malaysian-Chinese-other South Asian fusiony made hipster but in a great way. As my tastes go more towards vegetables than burgers, this is my kind of place for sure. Also, husbo and I debate a lot over the very stupid topic of ‘if you had only one cuisine to eat for the rest of your life what would it be’ and we usually narrow it down to Chinese and a few South Asian contenders, so this combo of all the bests really speaks to us.

Okay enough rambling. You know how much we love overordering, and if there were maybe 2 fewer items on the menu we prob would have just been like ‘BRING US ONE OF EVERYTHING’ which was my family’s favorite pastime at V Street in Philly (RIP). (Good thing we didn’t; we still brought leftovers home.) Instead, we finally decided on 3 from Column A (the small bites), 3 from Column B (the starter sizes), and 1 from Column C (the mains). Most of the dishes are shareable, or everything is if you’re with someone you don’t have to stand on ceremony with. I think we ordered a good amount, but there are a few changes I’d make for next time.

COLUMN A

Our superb waitress (thankfully wearing a mask, although the too loud music made it hard to hear her despite how hard she was trying to yell; please lower the music so your staff doesn’t go hoarse! (also we couldn’t really hear each other either and we are NOT OLD I SWEAR)) recommended the Kung Pao crackers, so we got those as well as the rice-fermented mustard green miang laos and the salted watermelon and coconut miang khams. Now I don’t know what miang means and it seems important, so I’m going to look it up: Oh just as I predicted it means FORKING DELICIOUS LITTLE PIECE OF HEAVEN.

Let’s start with the salted watermelon miangs, because they were my favorite. Well, everything is my favorite here. But I really loved these because, if you have ever eaten with me, you know my favorite kind of food is food that I can put in a raw leaf of some kind. You might think that limits things but I have put literally every food on lettuce, no joke. Anyway, this little parcel of goodness was I think a betel leaf? or like that? because it reminded me sooo much of all the best things we ate in Burma all those years ago. Luckily, unlike the great things I ate in Burma, this little leaf jawn did not make me sick for 3 days in a hotel room on stilts on a lake. Anyway, they were AMAZING.

Next up to bat, the Kung Pao crackers were also incredible. I was picturing those little soy-sauce-flavored rice crackers that taste like salt but also cardboard, so I clearly had no idea what was coming. This lovely light rice cracker was filled with shredded green stuff and white stuff and flavor wondrousness, honestly I have no idea but it was SO GOOD. Along with this, they sent out extra treats of rice patties topped with spicy goodness, again, no idea what it is, just put it in your gd mouth.

The little miang laos balls were also like my favorite thing of putting food on a green leaf but instead of an open taco, it was all wrapped up neatly. Thanks friend! This was cold, which I didn’t expect, and a nice contrast from the other bites. I think this was super spicy too? and delicious, I know that much. Guys, I’m sorry, I did not take notes, I forgot that that helps, it’s been so long, also I was too busy trying not to freak out about the celebrity behind me (see below).

COLUMN B

(You know with these headings I’m singing Aladdin, right? good. Next time I will take the Genie’s advice and try all of Column B.)

After our plates of bites, allllll the rest of our dishes came at once, which was a struggle for our tiny little table, a struggle we know quite well due to our aforementioned sublime ordering skills, but a struggle that could be avoided if things were staggered a little. Maybe the naem het could have been served alone since it was like the true starter-y feel and the rest were super mains-y? Anyway, that dish – the crispy naem het with jaew (what did you call me) dressing and ‘erbs (their styling not mine) was a standout, and husbo’s fave of the night. IT WAS SO GOOD.

The crispy naem het was a birds nest mess of fried strands of things (mushrooms? stems?) that we couldn’t really discern from the waiter because of the music but whatever, it was delicious. You know I’m not the world’s biggest fan of fried food but this was ace. You take one of the raw green leaves (yesss), put some fried strands in it, add some of the fresh herbs, roll it up, and dip it in the sauce pot (and you got cheesy blasters, and then meatcat goes off in his um spaceship). At least we thought those were the instructions we were given – later, our waitress said something that made it seem like we had no idea what we were doing. Doesn’t matter, whether we did it right or wrong it was forking amazing. So much flavor, so many different flavors mixing together in a surprising and wonderful way. A must get!

Another absolute must-get is the charred jordan cabbage, with kolae coconut curry. This dish is only £9 and what a value – on a normal night eating at home, this dish alone would be enough for the two of us, maybe with some rice. I’m serious, that picture doesn’t show how big that hunk of cabbage is. Without a knife (only chopsticks and spoons on the table), I was worried that I would have to pick up an entire head of cabbage and bite into it head first while wearing a dress, but of course that wasn’t the case. The cabbage was so tender and the leaves separated at the touch of the chopsticks. This is the dish I am going to try to recreate at home, and fail miserably I’m sure.

The coconut curry that surrounded the cabbage was one of the best curries I’ve had. It was perfect in every way, salty but not too salty, coconutty in that great way but without any visible overpronunciation of coconut milk, just a surprisingly treaty, complex dish for something that seems so simple. I would truly pick this up every week and eat at home with rice.

We also really enjoyed the Chengdu street tofu, not that it was like any tofu we had on the streets in Chengdu (you couldn’t eat this and walk at the same time! also it didn’t burn our faces off!). It was a soupy dish that was best eaten with a spoon out of the bowl rather than putting on your own plate. The flavors were on the mellower side so the dish was almost comforting, like a soupy sales should be.

COLUMN C

The only disappointer was the Xi’an-style knife-cut noodles. It’s not that they were bad at all, they just were not impressive like everything else was. (Also the fact that they are ‘knife-cut’ isn’t really much of a selling point; I mean, you cut the dough with a knife instead of what, scissors? teeth?) The flavors didn’t really hit; the dish was sort of bland, a little plain. Maybe we are just spoiled because we actually had noodles in Xi’an (omg the Xi’an night market noodles…and the spicy tofu…and the fresh jackfruit…omg and that coconut milk…dammit now I’m remembering all this glory). But this dish, unlike all the others, was missing a punch. It was the only thing that wasn’t a ‘wow’. Of course it could be your fave dish, no harm no fowell (to quote Estelle), I guess we prefer noodles that burn our faces off (we really like things that burn our faces off). I’ve heard really great things about the laksa, so next time we will definitely be trying that instead.

Even though we were stuffed to the brim, we had to try the dessert. Alter has just one dessert, but it’s a good one – mango sticky rice.

This was a really lovely iteration of a classic, kind of saltier than normal but in a way that really really worked. And I am a sucker for edible flowers. So pretty! You can’t go wrong with mango sticky rice and this was delicious and the perfect size for sharing. Mango sticky rice is just the best, right? In Thailand, at the annual Vegetarian Festival, I had it from a cart that stored their cut-up mango next to their cut-up durian, so the scent of the durian, that overpowering devil’s anus scent, had infiltrated the taste of the mango. And it was still DELICIOUS.

So, overall, dinner at Alter was a huge win. I cannot wait to go back. It’s the kind of small plates fine vegan dining that London needed, one that focuses on flavors and vegetables rather than burgers and fries. It reminded me of a Michelin-starred restaurant we ate at in Cambodia that I can’t remember the name of. My god I am dropping a lot of travel brags in this post; I sound like a full-on Gwyneth, sorry I just miss traveling.

Alter is located inside the Leman Locke hotel, just south of Aldgate East tube station. There’s a cafe on the ground floor (with great sounding smoothies, which I live on even more than food wrapped in lettuce), and a spiral staircase (and elevators) up to the second floor (I’m sorry, “first floor”) where Alter is located. We actually had dinner in this space a few years ago but it was a different, less-entirely-vegan restaurant, so I hope Alter stays much longer – like forever. Because I’m gonna be a regular. (Well, within reason; I still am into hermit life.)

ALTER, ALDGATE EAST, LONDON, ENGLAND, UK, CRUMBLING WORLD
Water speed: They do the stupid thing nearly everyone does where their water glasses are freaking thimbles, but they give you the carafes and the waitress was EXCELLENT at refreshing our carafe. She had to do it at least 12 times because I drink so much, but I didn’t once need to dip into my liter in my purse, which is rare in restaurants so really speaks highly of her attention.   
Service: Our waitress was great! Top marks.
Bathrooms: There are two single-serves through a hallway behind the bar. They are really spacious and modern and clean and they smelled so good that I took a picture of the fragrance stick jawn. It is SUPER confusing when you come out because there are doors on each side of the area but one is locked, so you will eventually find your way back to the restaurant space.
Food: ​Soooo good, a great new addition to London’s incredible scene, whether you’re vegan or in denial.
Bonus: Alfred Enoch was sitting behind us. If it’s good enough for celebrities it’s good enough for you! Everyone there was sooo hip and cool and it made us feel simultaneously not cool but also like we were getting cool by osmosis, which is interesting.

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