At our dinner, we were expecting the 5-course tasting menu we had been reading about since the hotel opened. But apparently that’s only on the weekends now, and we were there on a Monday, when it is 3 courses. A wee disappointment, the weeest really, and it’s also priced accordingly so it was a lot cheaper than we expected! It was still lovely, maybe not as weird Michelin-y tasting-y menu-y as we hoped, more ‘this is normal food that you’ll actually enjoy and will actually fill you’, which is nothing to sneeze at. Maybe we will one day go back for the fivers and see what weird shit they come up with, we love weird shit.

First of all, it’s important to know that there are hotel dogs around, so build in time to your visit for petting them properly. There’s one doggo who is sooo old and so sweet and just ugh so nice LOVES IT.

Saoirse operates dinnertime with like one seating, so all the 8-10 wee tables eat the same things at the same time, pretty much. Don’t worry, there are no family-style tables or anything (at least not since covid I think?) so you are spaced away from all the people coughing and generally being gross. While you wait for your table to be ready, you pet the dogs and you hang out at the bar, which has a really nice list of cocktails (both bar and bat). We tried a watermelony non-alc that was good, and I wanted to order another but couldn’t get anyone’s attention before we were ready to move into the main dining room.

I do wish that they had left us in the bar longer, because we sat at the tables awaiting the first course for about 30 minutes before it came, which whatever but no one was filling water or taking drink orders so I had to nearly diminish the reserves in my bag. That water was for the drive home! So service could deffo use a brush-up. Luckily they did bring little dinner rolls around. You had a choice of charcoal or beetroot, two simply incredible choices for bread, right? So I was like ‘puh puh puh porque no los dos???’ but luckily they were much more generous with the bread through the night than the water so I got to try both. Fill up on bread! My fave thing to do!

Okay then the real food started! First up was our baby corn salad – how ballsy is that considering how many people hate baby corn! I guess that might be an American thing because British people seem to love it? Correct me if I’m wrong! This salad had microgreens, big-balled caperberries (always think of Bridget Jones when faced with caperberries), and grilled baby corn. Okay grilling the bc is the way to go. It was a very decent starter salad, sharp and refreshing. I was still waiting for water during and after this course thoooo.

Onto the main! Let’s note that this was the summer menu (I’m a few months post), and though the first course felt appropriately refreshing and summery, the second felt very much appropriate for now, cold and dark winter. It was GREAT, actually, don’t get me wrong, but it didn’t feel seasonal. Here we have roast butternut squash (I know, like wintertime staple), with spicy pumpkin seed pesto, pickled celery, and lemon balm. First off, LOVING the pickled celery. Second, the pesto really was spicy! Way to go this country! It was a really nice mix of flavors, with the dark spicy pesto and the sharp pickled celery. The squash came two ways – cubed and on a bed of itself pureed. And best of all, the ‘chickpea’ listed in the description ended up being chickpea panisse, or a socca block, pick your romance language. I forking love socca so I was happy. It was so creamy and so good, much better than when I make it and you need to have a lot of water on hand because it swallows kinda dry. I think I need more oil/any oil. ANYWAY, a delicious wintry dish.

Again I waited for water for a long time, but the people are nice so I didn’t throw anything.

After another long wait, we got our dessert, and boy was it worth it!

Probably the best dish? I mean I am biased because it was dessert and it had the two dessert necessities – ice cream and chocolate. But man alive this was good! They really buried the lede with that printed menu just saying ‘chocolate torte’ and not the best part: the ice cream was BANANAS. No not ‘banana’, it was tonka bean and vanilla. I have never been able to try tonka bean anything despite really wanting to because it’s always in a dairy option so I was sooo excited to finally try it. And this ice cream was amaaazing. Like wish I could have bought a tub of it to bring home even though there’s no room in the freezer. We’d make it work. Amazing. The torte was fantastic too, like the densest richest chocolate torte ever. I could have done without the passionfruit gel on top because I think there are very very few times when chocolate and fruit actually go together so if it’s not banana or strawberry it’s just gonna be weird and incongruous. It was sour which I guess they wanted to counter all the sweet, but who wants to counter sweet? Crazy people!

But speaking of weird and incongruous but in a fun and good way: that last lump on the plate was all those things! Here we have peppercorn chocolate mousse. Like it’s nice chocolate mousse and there are peppercorns in there. Just for fun I guess. I don’t know if I liked it or just appreciated the weirdness but it was cool to try (once?).

We decided not to get the additional cheese plate, though many did. We were pretty full (and it costs more, and it was unclear if its 15 to share or 15 each person…it can’t possibly be 15 each person right? woof), though maybe next time I would try it, but only if I could get it before the actual dessert. Excuse me, but having a cheese plate after you’ve had ice cream and chocolate torte feels insane. Like who ever heard of eating an oat cake after you’ve had ice cream? It is nonsense to me. I know you disagree but man, if I’m having ice cream and chocolate why would I destroy that by eating anything else afterward? So weird.

So all in all it was a great dinner. Service left a bit to be desired, as it was pretty hard to get anyone’s attention for water or more drinks (and since they had interesting non-alcs I actually wanted one for the first time!), but they were nice and it was all nice. For £35 per person instead of the £60 for the 5 courses, we were pretty happy that we ended up there for a 3 course night. But hopefully one day we will be able to try the 5 and hopefully they will be weird and wonderful. This meal was much more normal, like regular food, which you know can be nice!

SAORSA 1875, PITLOCHRY, SCOTLAND, UK, CRUMBLING WORLD
Water speed: This is the one area that really could be improved! Like I said it was hard to get attention to ask for water or even to order drinks that we would pay money for! What a shame.
Service: See above but they were nice people. YOUR MA’S GOOD PEOPLE.
Bathrooms: There are two single-serves through the lobby of the hotel, pretty nice! Hotel bathrooms tend to be!
Food: ​Really good, even though we were expecting weird tasting menu shit, it was nice to eat food recognizable as food!
Bonus: Like I said, fully vegan hotel, dedicated to ethics, dogs around, Saoirse Ronan, what else could you want? They also do lunch, though it is a different vibe (burgers I think?). And one day I’ll be back for that tasting menu!

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San Antonio’s Rooted Vegan Cuisine, once a pop-up vegan restaurant and now a maker of incredible frozen vegan foods, hosts the Vegan Family Reunion for the second year. From 12-5pm on Sunday, the pop-up market and party at the San Antonio Food Bank will convene more than 30 Black-owned and vegan small businesses, artists, entertainers, and more to celebrate “food, fun, and Black excellence!”

The event celebrates the intersection of Black equality and veganism, raising funds that will pour back into the local Black community through small businesses, artists, and charities. It will do all this while highlighting the importance and benefits of veganism and its direct impact on the Black community.

WHAT YOU’LL FIND

• VEGAN FOOD
• PRO CHEF DEMOS
• MUSIC
• LIVE DJ
• VEGAN RAPPER GREY
• DANCING
• PONIESSSSS (from Ponycycle)
• HAYRIDES
• LIVE ART PRESENTATIONS
• PET ADOPTIONS!!!
• BOUNCY HOUSES (YESSSS)
• NUTRITION SEMINAR
• VEGAN BEAUTY & HAIR DEMOS
• MINI SKATEBOARD PARK

Did I mention it’s free to attend? It’s free to attend! But please RSVP in advance so they can anticipate the crowd size. Book your space here and register either for your free space, or with a donation (omg you’re so awesome!), or as a VIC (Very Important Charity). More ways to contribute – including from afar! – are listed further down.

I must take this time, before I forget, to tell you that there will be two bounce houses – one for kids and one just for adults. LITERALLY THE DREAM.

The strength of a local community is so important, and that’s clearer now more than ever. So many different businesses, organizations, and various community members are coming together to make this happen. Host Naomi of Rooted Vegan Cuisine said the list of participants and supporters is “incredible and humbling”.

She also said she’s bringing to-go containers to make sure she doesn’t miss any of the amazing food…so…follow her lead!

Some of the food vendors expected to blow your minds on Sunday include: Wheatsville (I know, one of our faves!), Vegan Sushi Spot, Alamo City Cakes, The Vegancy, Chef Cidney, and Bake Love. Non-food amazingness includes Art by Sheri, Gardopia Gardens, Tracy J Jewelry, and Ionic Soul Spa. I MEAN. COME ON!

There’s a whole packed schedule for the day too, with kitchen demos, nutrition and fertility seminars, and musical entertainment. It promises to be an incredible day!

We’re all aware of how exponentially veganism has increased in recent years, and a large part of that is due to Black activists, who have been promoting veganism even back to the Civil Rights Movement of the ’60s. And African-Americans compose the fastest-growing vegan demographic. This event aims to respect and acknowledge these facts while cementing the connection between veganism and Black activism, especially on the community level.

Proceeds from the event will benefit the Black Birth Fund, created by the San Antonio Nurse Midwife Birth & Wellness center. The team said they learned of this organization through one of the Vegan Family Reunion committee members, who was herself a recipient of assistance from the Fund when she gave birth. This chance to give back to the fund that helped their teammate so greatly makes this event all the more special, they said.

Vegan Family Reunion has also teamed up with Black Restaurant Week San Antonio to raise money for the San Antonio Food Bank via donations and other funds raised. Attending the event is free, but guests are encouraged to buy t-shirts, buy raffle tickets (see below), and donate whatever they want to raise funds for these worthy organizations.

They are going even further this year in making the space accessible and inviting for so many types of attendees: There will be maternity lounges with doulas for expecting and new parents. There will will a special needs sensory retreat, with trained assistants, for people who need a break from the hubbub. There will be a sign language interpreter, and a toddler soft play area. The level of care is off the charts here. And there will also be a Zero Waste initiative, with the team measuring how much waste is saved from going into landfills.

HOW TO SUPPORT THE EVENT IF YOU AREN’T IN TEXAS

I’m sure many of you are, like me, watching and wishing from afar that we could attend. While we cannot eat its amazing food (or jump in the bouncy house) remotely, we can support it by doing the following:

1. Spreading the word – on social media, use the hashtag #veganfamilyreunion and tag @veganfamilyreunion
2. Buy raffle tickets – even if we cannot collect or use certain prizes, think of it as a donation, with the money going to truly worthwhile beneficiaries
3. Or, Buy tickets to the event as a donation
4. Buy the official tee shirt HERE
5. Support Rooted Vegan Cuisine – their frozen vegan goodies are available to ship in the USA nationwide (someone please work on getting this to the UK!)

Whatever you can do to support this wonderful event is great, and let’s hope that we can be in San Antonio in person next year!

The post Happy News Alert: 2nd Annual Vegan Family Reunion (San Antonio, TX) appeared first on Laughfrodisiac.

This week, we had dinner – out – in a restaurant – for the first time since, well, you know. All this shiz. It was our wedding anniversary, so a fairly decent reason to risk our lives for a great meal, I guess. Last week or so I wrote about our return to the theatre, and how thank god it was a great show because if we’d risked our health and well-being for a piece of shit we’d be really mad. Well, same for this wonderful dinner. Alter, the latest hottest all-vegan restaurant in London’s ever-increasing vegan scene, delivered the goods, and I cannot wait to go back and try the rest of the menu.

Alter is the brainchild of chef Andy Hogben, who has cooked at several trendy place and has done a number of popular pop-ups in recent years and finally has a restaurant just a few blocks from my flat (the most important detail). Fun fact, a few years ago, he did a special dinner at The Frog Hoxton that we had tickets to, and then I got sick (pre-Covid), so husbo went with a friend and sent me pictures and it was torture. I was all (Sherie Rene Scott impression coming) “thissss shoulda been myyy tiiiime” but finally MY TIME HAS COME.

Alter’s whole concept reflects Andy’s sort of veganism (which is I think fairly recent? I could be wrong, it’s happened before, also what is time) – less focused on meat substitutes and the kind of “fun” food we find in abundance as a result of London’s obsession with vegan junk food bars. The menu focuses instead on fascinating flavor combinations from various cultures, especially those that are Not British. It’s very Thai-Malaysian-Chinese-other South Asian fusiony made hipster but in a great way. As my tastes go more towards vegetables than burgers, this is my kind of place for sure. Also, husbo and I debate a lot over the very stupid topic of ‘if you had only one cuisine to eat for the rest of your life what would it be’ and we usually narrow it down to Chinese and a few South Asian contenders, so this combo of all the bests really speaks to us.

Okay enough rambling. You know how much we love overordering, and if there were maybe 2 fewer items on the menu we prob would have just been like ‘BRING US ONE OF EVERYTHING’ which was my family’s favorite pastime at V Street in Philly (RIP). (Good thing we didn’t; we still brought leftovers home.) Instead, we finally decided on 3 from Column A (the small bites), 3 from Column B (the starter sizes), and 1 from Column C (the mains). Most of the dishes are shareable, or everything is if you’re with someone you don’t have to stand on ceremony with. I think we ordered a good amount, but there are a few changes I’d make for next time.

COLUMN A

Our superb waitress (thankfully wearing a mask, although the too loud music made it hard to hear her despite how hard she was trying to yell; please lower the music so your staff doesn’t go hoarse! (also we couldn’t really hear each other either and we are NOT OLD I SWEAR)) recommended the Kung Pao crackers, so we got those as well as the rice-fermented mustard green miang laos and the salted watermelon and coconut miang khams. Now I don’t know what miang means and it seems important, so I’m going to look it up: Oh just as I predicted it means FORKING DELICIOUS LITTLE PIECE OF HEAVEN.

Let’s start with the salted watermelon miangs, because they were my favorite. Well, everything is my favorite here. But I really loved these because, if you have ever eaten with me, you know my favorite kind of food is food that I can put in a raw leaf of some kind. You might think that limits things but I have put literally every food on lettuce, no joke. Anyway, this little parcel of goodness was I think a betel leaf? or like that? because it reminded me sooo much of all the best things we ate in Burma all those years ago. Luckily, unlike the great things I ate in Burma, this little leaf jawn did not make me sick for 3 days in a hotel room on stilts on a lake. Anyway, they were AMAZING.

Next up to bat, the Kung Pao crackers were also incredible. I was picturing those little soy-sauce-flavored rice crackers that taste like salt but also cardboard, so I clearly had no idea what was coming. This lovely light rice cracker was filled with shredded green stuff and white stuff and flavor wondrousness, honestly I have no idea but it was SO GOOD. Along with this, they sent out extra treats of rice patties topped with spicy goodness, again, no idea what it is, just put it in your gd mouth.

The little miang laos balls were also like my favorite thing of putting food on a green leaf but instead of an open taco, it was all wrapped up neatly. Thanks friend! This was cold, which I didn’t expect, and a nice contrast from the other bites. I think this was super spicy too? and delicious, I know that much. Guys, I’m sorry, I did not take notes, I forgot that that helps, it’s been so long, also I was too busy trying not to freak out about the celebrity behind me (see below).

COLUMN B

(You know with these headings I’m singing Aladdin, right? good. Next time I will take the Genie’s advice and try all of Column B.)

After our plates of bites, allllll the rest of our dishes came at once, which was a struggle for our tiny little table, a struggle we know quite well due to our aforementioned sublime ordering skills, but a struggle that could be avoided if things were staggered a little. Maybe the naem het could have been served alone since it was like the true starter-y feel and the rest were super mains-y? Anyway, that dish – the crispy naem het with jaew (what did you call me) dressing and ‘erbs (their styling not mine) was a standout, and husbo’s fave of the night. IT WAS SO GOOD.

The crispy naem het was a birds nest mess of fried strands of things (mushrooms? stems?) that we couldn’t really discern from the waiter because of the music but whatever, it was delicious. You know I’m not the world’s biggest fan of fried food but this was ace. You take one of the raw green leaves (yesss), put some fried strands in it, add some of the fresh herbs, roll it up, and dip it in the sauce pot (and you got cheesy blasters, and then meatcat goes off in his um spaceship). At least we thought those were the instructions we were given – later, our waitress said something that made it seem like we had no idea what we were doing. Doesn’t matter, whether we did it right or wrong it was forking amazing. So much flavor, so many different flavors mixing together in a surprising and wonderful way. A must get!

Another absolute must-get is the charred jordan cabbage, with kolae coconut curry. This dish is only £9 and what a value – on a normal night eating at home, this dish alone would be enough for the two of us, maybe with some rice. I’m serious, that picture doesn’t show how big that hunk of cabbage is. Without a knife (only chopsticks and spoons on the table), I was worried that I would have to pick up an entire head of cabbage and bite into it head first while wearing a dress, but of course that wasn’t the case. The cabbage was so tender and the leaves separated at the touch of the chopsticks. This is the dish I am going to try to recreate at home, and fail miserably I’m sure.

The coconut curry that surrounded the cabbage was one of the best curries I’ve had. It was perfect in every way, salty but not too salty, coconutty in that great way but without any visible overpronunciation of coconut milk, just a surprisingly treaty, complex dish for something that seems so simple. I would truly pick this up every week and eat at home with rice.

We also really enjoyed the Chengdu street tofu, not that it was like any tofu we had on the streets in Chengdu (you couldn’t eat this and walk at the same time! also it didn’t burn our faces off!). It was a soupy dish that was best eaten with a spoon out of the bowl rather than putting on your own plate. The flavors were on the mellower side so the dish was almost comforting, like a soupy sales should be.

COLUMN C

The only disappointer was the Xi’an-style knife-cut noodles. It’s not that they were bad at all, they just were not impressive like everything else was. (Also the fact that they are ‘knife-cut’ isn’t really much of a selling point; I mean, you cut the dough with a knife instead of what, scissors? teeth?) The flavors didn’t really hit; the dish was sort of bland, a little plain. Maybe we are just spoiled because we actually had noodles in Xi’an (omg the Xi’an night market noodles…and the spicy tofu…and the fresh jackfruit…omg and that coconut milk…dammit now I’m remembering all this glory). But this dish, unlike all the others, was missing a punch. It was the only thing that wasn’t a ‘wow’. Of course it could be your fave dish, no harm no fowell (to quote Estelle), I guess we prefer noodles that burn our faces off (we really like things that burn our faces off). I’ve heard really great things about the laksa, so next time we will definitely be trying that instead.

Even though we were stuffed to the brim, we had to try the dessert. Alter has just one dessert, but it’s a good one – mango sticky rice.

This was a really lovely iteration of a classic, kind of saltier than normal but in a way that really really worked. And I am a sucker for edible flowers. So pretty! You can’t go wrong with mango sticky rice and this was delicious and the perfect size for sharing. Mango sticky rice is just the best, right? In Thailand, at the annual Vegetarian Festival, I had it from a cart that stored their cut-up mango next to their cut-up durian, so the scent of the durian, that overpowering devil’s anus scent, had infiltrated the taste of the mango. And it was still DELICIOUS.

So, overall, dinner at Alter was a huge win. I cannot wait to go back. It’s the kind of small plates fine vegan dining that London needed, one that focuses on flavors and vegetables rather than burgers and fries. It reminded me of a Michelin-starred restaurant we ate at in Cambodia that I can’t remember the name of. My god I am dropping a lot of travel brags in this post; I sound like a full-on Gwyneth, sorry I just miss traveling.

Alter is located inside the Leman Locke hotel, just south of Aldgate East tube station. There’s a cafe on the ground floor (with great sounding smoothies, which I live on even more than food wrapped in lettuce), and a spiral staircase (and elevators) up to the second floor (I’m sorry, “first floor”) where Alter is located. We actually had dinner in this space a few years ago but it was a different, less-entirely-vegan restaurant, so I hope Alter stays much longer – like forever. Because I’m gonna be a regular. (Well, within reason; I still am into hermit life.)

ALTER, ALDGATE EAST, LONDON, ENGLAND, UK, CRUMBLING WORLD
Water speed: They do the stupid thing nearly everyone does where their water glasses are freaking thimbles, but they give you the carafes and the waitress was EXCELLENT at refreshing our carafe. She had to do it at least 12 times because I drink so much, but I didn’t once need to dip into my liter in my purse, which is rare in restaurants so really speaks highly of her attention.   
Service: Our waitress was great! Top marks.
Bathrooms: There are two single-serves through a hallway behind the bar. They are really spacious and modern and clean and they smelled so good that I took a picture of the fragrance stick jawn. It is SUPER confusing when you come out because there are doors on each side of the area but one is locked, so you will eventually find your way back to the restaurant space.
Food: ​Soooo good, a great new addition to London’s incredible scene, whether you’re vegan or in denial.
Bonus: Alfred Enoch was sitting behind us. If it’s good enough for celebrities it’s good enough for you! Everyone there was sooo hip and cool and it made us feel simultaneously not cool but also like we were getting cool by osmosis, which is interesting.

The post Dinner at the new fully vegan Alter London appeared first on Laughfrodisiac.

We went for Valentime’s Day (I LOVE SCHMALTZ) and the food was so good we plotzed. The menu is well curated, with several appealing dips, small plates, and slightly larger/heavier plates. You’re supposed to get like 3 per person and it’s best to share (sharing is caring), and they also offer a £30 ‘let us feed you’ menu. We almost got this set menu (they can do a vegan version) but I added up the many dishes I wanted and it was less than that so I didn’t. Also I like my right to choose. And literally everything we chose was good-to-great, so I’m really excited that this joint is right up the street from me and I can go whenever I make a booking at least 2 weeks in advance because if you try rocking up any sooner than that you will be SOL. It is POPULER…lar.

However, the service leaves something to be desired. OY VEY. We sat at our table for several minutes and no one came by to do or say anything. When I tried to flag a waitress who was leaving the table next to us (and my next to us I mean right up against our legs; it is a tiny cramped loud place and you will hear everyone’s convos but not the person you’re with), a different staff member who appeared to just be watching the scene came by and was like ‘did you need something?’ and we were like hi yes um menus maybe? Any semblance of recognition? What a schmuck. It happened a lot, our concerted efforts to get someone’s attention and them just blanking us. I’M JUST NOT IMPORTANT. Also happening a lot – waiters coming into our section of the restaurant with dishes and just stopping short and staring at every table, confused beyond words about where to place the dish they were carrying. It was so strange, like they didn’t have a system or know to bring this to table 9 or whatever? So several times, a waiter would just be standing in my eyeline looking over every table and considering “hmm, who seems like the type of person who would have ordered the hummus? No, it can’t be that table; they’re holding hands.” WTF. At least 3 times I pointed waiters to the right tables (because I had heard the other tables’ orders, of course). SUCH mishegas.

Anyway, aside from that (sorry to kvetch), our experience at Bubala was PG. We started with two dips – the hummus and the pumpkin tirshy and the laffa flatbread. The waitress asked if we wanted one or two flatbreads and we were like ‘you tell us’ and she was like ‘maybe two, but start with one and see.’ Reader, it’s the best thing on the menu so say you want one at a time to keep it warm but that you want it treated like a bottomless bread bowl to be refilled as soon as it’s empty. IT’S INCREDIBLE. It’s fluffy in the right places and salty in the right amount. That flaked salt though. Omg it’s soo good.

The hummus usually comes with burnt butter (which is the equivalent of putting sour cream in guacamole, what is wrong with people) but they can do it without for vegans. It’s really good guys. I believe there is a small range for hummus quality – you can’t get toooo bad and there’s a ceiling for how amazing it can be, but this was at the high end of the spectrum. You’ll definitely want to keep a plate of this on your table so you can nosh throughout the courses.

The second activity for our breading was the pumpkin tirshy, which I think just means dip, with harissa, preserved lemon, and kalamata olives. This was good too, very cumin-y I think or whatever spice was masquerading as cumin for my unrefined palate.

The next dish I was MOST excited about: the shiitake and oyster mushroom skewers with tamari, coriander, and maple. I LOVE oyster mushrooms, how thick and meaty they are, so amazing. I heard good things about these skewers but they were fine, not amazing. Z was meh about them, because they turned out to be just grilled mushrooms on a stick without much flavor to them. I do love mushrooms even if they aren’t all fancied up so I was more on board. But I was originally like “oh I just want to get LOADS of the skewers I bet” and then I was fine with just my one, so.

Next up to bat was the fried aubergine (eggplant) with zhoug (ZHOUG AAAAAVERYYY) and date syrup. This was the standout for me. The eggplant was fried perfectly and it was so soft and also crispy at the edges and wow. I’m kind of over eggplant nowadays but not this dish. We love zhoug (ZHOUG AAAAVERYY) (WHO’S ZHOUG AVERY) (SHE THE QUEEN HONEYBEE) and it was used perfectly with this, and there was just enough sweetness from the date syrup. AMAZING.

(Z also got the halloumi, for those of you who still like to support the cruelty of the dairy industry, and said it was incredible like wow. SO THAT’S GOOD TO KNOW FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO THINK IT’S WORTH IT.)

Our first of the more ‘main’-like dishes was the grilled cabbage with tahini, pomegranate, and hazelnut. This was DELICIOUS and something I will try to recreate for a regular weekday dinner. The chunk of cabbage was so soft I could cut it with a fork. It was in a bit of broth so the tahini quickly mixed with it and made a tahini broth, which is everything I’ve ever wanted. And the hazelnuts that might seem just like a lil afterthought topping were actually a brilliant addition, adding a perfect counterpart to the earthy cabbage. I mean hazelnuts are I guess earthy too but in a different way. We love earth.

Our last savory dish was the ful medames, with lovage pesto, yoghurt and malawach (a fried bread). The yoghurt (they spelt it with an ‘h’ so I will too even though my US computer is HATING IT) and the malawach aren’t vegan but they said they could put them on the side for husbo, which is good for us because we are kind of obsessed with ful medames. FUL IS SO GOOD. And I would never put yoghurt or yogurt in it and I already had the laffa flatbread (which is the best thing ever) so the removal of these nonvegan additions don’t hurt it. As fuls go, it was pretty good. I do love my beans.

(Husbo also had the potato latkes (not vegan) and said they were great, but we and the Israelis next to us laughed at them being called latkes – they are perfectly rectangular potato cubes. Delicious, by all accounts, but not free-form-potato-string-patty-like latkes.)

For dessert, there’s only one vegan option (more mishegas!), the coconut malabi (like milk pudding) with hibiscus and sesame brittle. It was pretty nice (as the Brits say about food and I guess since I am one now I have to say it sometimes too)! It’s basic, to have a coconut milk pudding, and not that inspired, but the sesame brittle really makes it. They should put a little more of it in there.

We also got their two fresh tea options: mint and rose petal. The rose petal was funny – it came out and we realized ‘oh it’s just…hot water with flowers in it.’ It wasn’t steeped long enough maybe? The mint tea was a tad whack because it was just a mug with the whole mint leaves in it, with no filtration system, so it was impossible to avoid getting all the leaves in your mouth. What schlamiel thought of this? Also, when we hear ‘fresh mint tea’ we think of the super sweet version from Morocco (the best kind) and often in the Middle East but this was unsweetened. Sure you can sweeten it yourself if you want but it’s actually physically impossible for a human to make their own fresh mint tea to the same sweetness level as someone in Morocco would make for you. It’s too much sugar and you’d realize by the 5th tablespoon that you are drinking the ‘beetus. (Also it’s better with sugar syrup.)

ANYWAY, Bubala is a treaty little treat joint to add to the amazing vegan-friendly restaurant scene around Spitalfields. Highly recommend you check it out if you’re in the area. And if you are, it means you’re near me, so INVITE ME TOO.

BUBALA, SPITALFIELDS, LONDON, UK, EUROPE FOREVER BITCHES
Water speed: Good. They brought carafes of still AND sparkling since I wanted the former and Z the latter as usual. Pretty good replacement speed.
Service: As I said above, this is the part that needs work. It’s super busy and cramped and loud, so there’s definitely justification, but their system of knowing what table ordered what seemed…on the fritz. Also despite two hours there we were never sure exactly who our server was that we should be asking for stuff?
Bathrooms: Meh, they are up lots of stairs so it’s not accessible, and there’s only one (or maybe two).
Food: Fantastic!
Bonus: Despite the location, it’s not too expensive. Also the name <3

The post London Has a New Restaurant Called ‘Bubala’ and Obvs I Love It appeared first on Laughfrodisiac.

I know I said in one of the last of the Vegan Michelin Series that we were probably going to stop for a while but a) that was like a year ago so we did b) this was a very special occasion and 3) this tasting menu was only £50 per person! That’s like normal eating out in London prices! (Side note, are you so glad I learned how to use the £ sign and stopped saying ‘pounddollars’. That’s growth.)

Like all tasting menus, this menu describes what’s to come using as few key words as possible so you really have no idea what to expect but it looks and sounds g-d elegant. Also, the sparsely worded menu makes it seem like you aren’t getting a lot of food but as usual we had to roll ourselves home. They quickly brought our first snacks, which I appreciated because I was as hungry as I was excited and also I can’t stay out too late especially when we have to walk through SHOREDITCH on a WEEKEND to get home man alive it was a nightmare of drunken crowdedness.

My first bunch of snacks were called “heritage carrot, roasted hazelnuts, mint” and “kohlrabi, nori, tarragon”. I like these words but was curious to see what they meant when put together.

The little kohlrabi bite was good, though the nori was extra strong and made it a bit too salty for me. But that carrot bite was literally incredible. I was/am almost embarrassed to be so bowled over by a jesus forking cracker with barbecued-tasting carrots on a delightful carrot puree but it was magical, and it makes my head hurt to think about how this was possible. This was my first Jon-Lovitz-on-Friends impression in a while (“Like it?? I could eat a hundred of ’em!”). This goddamn carrot cracker was my first indication that this was going to be amazing. (But seriously why was this so good?? How did you do it? What dark magick hath you wrought?)

Our next snacks – oh, so for tasting menus and Michelin-y places they like to throw a bunch of small bites at your face before you get to the actual courses so you feel well-liked by the chef and full as fork sooner rather than later – were just as good if not better! I got a sourdough cracker topped with pea hummus and dollops of…something jammy? I got jammed! Just as I weirdly went off about how amazing a simple bite of carrot was, I’m going to do the same about versions of sourdough right now. This cracker was amazing. I wish I could buy bags on bags of these crackers since they somehow nailed the exact perfect strength and texture for holding hummus, and as you know I eat hummus every day. EVERY DAY SON. I forget what the jammy dodger drops were all about but it added the perfect bit of sweetness to cut through the mild flavors. And guys, HUMMUS! Most of my tasting menu overviews complain about how they never think to give vegans protein because they’re always too busy going ‘oh look at me, look at me, I can cook a vegetable like you’ve never seen it before’ and you’re like ‘that’s fantastic and you’re right but also my muscles’ so I was prettay, prettay stoked to get peas so early on.

I can’t believe I wrote so much about a g-d cracker with hummus but it was really good.

Also pictured above was one of our favorite things ever and also our downfall: the bread. The Frog’s rye sourdough bread was forking phenom, and while Z got his with the place’s very famous chicken butter (gross)(not like ‘gross’ Z said it was great but I mean like gross for us sorry), I got a pat of house-made vegan butter! And by ‘pat’ I mean ‘patrick’ really because this was a lotttt of butter, and it was forking delicious. So delicious that we…asked for more bread. I know. You NEVER ask for more bread at a tasting menu. We are not new to this! We know the drill – you are already super full before you even get to dessert, and then they keep bringing you more food than you can handle and you leave feeling disgustingly full but like so happy but also SO hurt! We know all this! We done f-ed up because of that damn delicious bread. And the butter. Dammit bread and butter! Why are you so good? We had so much and then I was already full before my first actual course came. NEVER ASK FOR MORE BREAD (except honestly do because it’s so good).

My first actual course, thank you I’m already full, was “celeriac, apple, dates”. The combo of celeriac and apple is prime fancy restaurant territory and I was like oh this will be nice but basic. Turns out this was not basic but ya basic, because guess what was inside that bundle of celeriac? TOFU! It was like a tofu cream cheese stuffed inside the bundle. Restaurants NEVER do tofu anything except chocolate mousse so this was a really nice surprise. Yasss for protein, yes for tofu in the savories! This was really good. But the best part was that Z also had a cream cheese filled dish, and when the waiter described his dish and mentioned “the richness of the cream cheese”, Z said (after he left) “well thanks for letting me eat all that damn butter.” He was hurt too. It was so good.

My next course was “roast cauliflower, kimchi, yeast”. I know – I was like ‘jfc they’re going to bring me a hunk of roasted cauliflower and call it a steak, aren’t they? ffs’ because for some reason I was still being all defensive even though everything so far was wonderful. I should really be more optimistic because hot damn guys, this cauliflower dish was like one of the most mind-blowing things I’ve ever had. I still can’t even believe this dish. There were a few roasted cauliflower florets but not like you’ve ever had before. They tasted like General Tso’s chicken, complete with the sticky sweet sauce in the middle. But 100x better than you’ve ever had. The cauliflower kimchi was super pungent and spicy (nice) and the creamy sauce itself was remarkable. I guess the yeast was maybe a sprinkling of nooch? I’m not sure; I didn’t ask because I was too busy saying ‘holy shit, holy shit, holy shit.’

I was so happy and so satisfied, and I relaxed a little knowing that we hit the peak of the meal and nothing else coming was going to top that (sounds weird but that’s a little relaxing, like the pressure is off). But I was wrong.

I was wrong because next up was the “flatbread, cashew, sweetcorn, jalapeno” dish and it was Mexico. It was Mexico on a plate. (It’s fitting too, because starting this week on the Travel section of this site it’s time for our epic Mexico trip. I KNOW! So I know what Mexico tastes like, guys.) This was a perfect food. I don’t know what else to say about it. The sturdy little flatbread had the most incredible texture and (I’m sooo sorry) mouthfeel, and all the components on top – that cashew cream, the corn, the jalapeno, the herby oil – exist just to be placed on that circle of magic. I made Z have a piece even though he was equally full and, in his words, “I got my own problems here!” and he agreed that it was akin to disc of rainbows. He didn’t say that.

That marked the end of our savory dishes, but there was a special in-between course that killed us both – the cheese doughnut. Mine was an oily fried dough slab covered in cashew cream and cashew dust and it killed me. Oh my god. I don’t eat too much heavy food and this was like an Iowa state fair concentrated into three bites. It was like a funnel cake from a carnival without the sugar, manhandled into a denser substance, and then topped with forking cashew cream. It was so heavy, is what I’m saying. And yes it was pretty darn good, but I think it needed either some salt or some sugar, because without any additional flavor, its flavor profile was just Fat. Every gluttonous tasting menu situation has a point where you suspect the restaurant is making fun of you, and this was theirs. Z said “this isn’t a doughnut; this is a way to get people to eat fondue with their hands!” I asked him if he liked his doughnuttier, cheese-filled version, expecting him to say ‘eh’ or something, and he sighed in fullness and horror at what he was eating and said “fucking of course”. Hilarious. We were mocking how full the other was (so full) and I said to him ‘you have to finish all that coconut!’ Here’s his dish after he ate his doughnut. (Read the caption.)

Luckily, we had little palate cleansers before dessert.

This strawberry sorbet was perfect, and I loved getting it as a little palate cleanser and not as my whole dessert. I think most restaurants have learned from their sordid past of offering vegans fruit and fruit sorbets for dessert and calling it a day, and that’s a reality I like to think all my complaining has helped bring to fruition.

I do wish that they had put this on the vegan menu though, or told me I was getting a strawberry sorbet palate cleanser, because the vegan dessert option has you choose between strawberry or pineapple and I chose strawberry. So I had two servings of this (the second on my actual dessert). Unless…maybe they had made my strawberry sorbet for my dessert and then just gave me more of it to have a palate cleanser while Z had his? Interesting.

I’m not too mad about doubling up on the sorbet though, because like I said it was delicious, and more importantly, the vegan dessert was much more than just sorbet. It was more tofu! In the form of chocolate! And yes this isn’t exactly creative but man alive I’ll never look a gift chocolate tofu mousse in the mouth. I’ll be too busy putting it in mine. This may not have been the most interesting dessert, but it was great, and I’d rather have something tried and true and delicious than another curry ice cream fail. 

As usual, just when you think you’ve made it, they bring you more food to end your experience. With our bill came these chocolate truffles. Luckily, they put them in a little to-go container for us, and I got to enjoy mine the next day. It was truly great, like this entire dinner. I would highly recommend a trip to The Frog for a go at their tasting menu, especially if you need a fancy place that caters to vegans and weirdos who aren’t vegan. I believe they change their menu monthly, so get in for these amazing dishes while it’s still August. I can’t wait to go back.

THE FROG, HOXTON, LONDON, UK, EUROPE PLEASE STAY EUROPE
Water speed: Honestly, LUDICROUSLY good. Like more attentive than American Chinese restaurants where they refill your glass after every sip you take. But since we had water carafes on the table, it was a little unnecessary – you don’t have to refill my glass after every sip when I have the full bottle within reach! I can do it myself! But still, I’ll never complain about having good water service. I mean I guess I just did. But it was great. They replaced the 6 or so bottles I went through very quickly too.
Service: Really great. Like I said, sometimes it was a little extra with the water service, but overall this was some of the best if not the best service in London. Case in point: During one course, I finished my dish and my 10th bottle of water, but Z still wasn’t done and I said I’m sorry but I’ve had 15 bottles of water so I excused myself and when I got back, he told me that they came to refold my napkin (as they do) but did not take my finished plate away! THAT IS A FIRST. They did exactly what you’re supposed to do but no one ever follows that rule. Every other restaurant has always taken the empty plate away while the other diner/s were still eating, which is forking rude and also not the correct move, so bravo. The sommelier was good too and Z said he enjoyed the wine pairing.
Bathrooms: Okay so this was the only real negative I have to report. There are two single stalls, one plain, one disabled, and they were…not good. They were like the bathrooms in Starbucks but less nice. We were both really surprised.
Food: So surprisingly awesome. Some of these dishes are on my Most list. It’s so nice to find a vegan tasting menu that definitely shows respect to vegetables but also makes them fun and interesting.
Bonus: The tasting menu cost is very reasonable. It’s a fraction of the cost of other Michelin-y ones out there and yet much better. Great stuff.

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First, let’s talk about the food in Muscat. It’s not exactly a vegan hotspot, but as I said, it’ll be semi-easy to find your standard Middle Eastern classics. You definitely won’t go hungry, but, like so many places that aren’t European cities, knowing some good tips will help enormously. My first tip is the most important one, and really the only one you need if, like me, you’re happy to eat hummus at every meal. Your first order of business when you arrive in Muscat is to find Arax, a small regular-ol’ falafel joint in a shopping center. It’s literally my favorite restaurant in Oman. We tried basically the entire menu (and it was a pretty extensive menu for a counter-ordery place, like a kebab shop. I mean I guess it is a kebab shop).

Arax lives in the Oasis Centre, Shatti Al Qurum, a shopping center right on the beach that’s filled with restaurants, shops, and even a Costa Coffee! Just like home! Except for the beach part. Oasis’s parking lot is a nightmare, since the center (centre) is basically tons of shops and restaurants around a giant, cramped parking lot and drivers here aaaaaare aggressive, so be warned. Since our first hotel (below) was right next to the shopping center, we thought it would be easier to walk there, but we forgot that this region in the Middle East is often not made for pedestrians. They really don’t expect people to walk! I guess because of the heat? But still! Let us walk! So frustrating. It was like trying to leave a Vegas casino, trying to walk what should have been 5 minutes just next door.

We checked the menus at every restaurant in the centre, and while most had vegetarian options, few were actually vegan-friendly. Enter Arax, with its reliable staples of hummus, pita, falafel, foul, everything you could want. The falafel wraps were good, the hummus is good, the fried cauliflower and pickles and fries and tahini sauce and fun fresh juices, all so good. I definitely recommend the lemon mint juice they do. Pictured below is one of the amazing-looking-but-too-sweet-for-me color-blocked mixtures of like orange and berry smoothie topped with avocado. Pretty cool!

We went to Arax several times since it was so convenient, cheap, and delicious. We would have gone one last time on the day we moved to the resort, but they were closed for prayer. I never got to say goodbye!

Instead, we went next door in the shopping center to a place called Just Grilled, which seemed innocuous and decent for lunch when I just wanted simple things. They were called Just Grilled yet had a definite Italian-food theme, so it was a little odd, but I decided to be optimistic for a change. Obviously, I was right before and it’s better to be a pessimist. Even though the menu painstakingly lists every single ingredient for every dish – something I was thrilled to see so I could check veganness – the cooks finish each dish with cheese anyway, even when it’s not listed!! WHAT THE ACTUAL TWO-PRONGED FORK, GUYS.

I ordered a basic af “Mediterranean” salad that was just a small pile of lettuce and bell peppers (ew) as well as a bowl of basic minestrone and both came covered in cheese! I said to the guy, “wait these are covered in cheese? it didn’t say cheese on the menu! I can’t have cheese!” and he said “Yes it did not say on the menu, but because this is an Italian place, everything then gets cheese on it.” I SHIT you not. I was like “but it didn’t say! Anyway, sorry but can I get these without the cheese? because I can’t eat it” and he put up a fight and was like “but it’s Italian, so it needs cheese” and I was like “not to be rude but you are not Italian and like…I am, soooo let’s not argue about whether ‘Italian’ and ‘covered in cheese’ are synonyms, because they’re not” and he was so weirdly unwilling to redo the food cheeselessly! He reluctantly took it back after he finally understood that if he didn’t, we couldn’t eat there (like wtf) but what a weird hill to choose. And then of course the food wasn’t worth all that trouble. I highly unrecommend this place – stick to Arax and just wait for them to finish praying (they had originally said it would be a 20 minute break but it was well over an hour, sadly).

Luckily, other places in the Oasis Centre are much better than Just Grilled (wtf with that name). A lovely place we found was the Turkish place on the beachfront right next to the Costa; I think it’s Twins Turkish Cuisine. (I mean you can’t miss it; it’s the Turkish place on the beach next to the Costa.) Although their menu was divided in the traditional animal-products-heavy manner, they had a fantastic ‘salad bar’ selection that was all the traditional cold and hot mezze of that region’s cuisine. I had all my favorite hits: the best ever dolma, sauteed spinach, stewed eggplant and tomatoes, enormous salads, and lots of amazing fluffy bread.

I was thrilled with this turn of events! This salad was HUGE and really good! I love having giant fresh salads when traveling. We had a crazy amount of really good veg-heavy food here. It was nice to sit out on the beach but that means that jerkos were smoking a lot, which sucks. I guess you can’t really get away from smokers outside/in the Middle East/anywhere in the world really, so I still recommend a visit.

I also definitely recommend a visit to Bait Al Luban, a more upscale, very touristed (like the first Western tourists we saw) restaurant right on the water, so you can stare at the sultan’s pleasure yachts (biggest yachts in world? cool use of money). We stopped by the restaurant early in our trip to make a reservation, since it’s quite popular. It’s pretty centrally located so it’s not inconvenient to do that. (It’s right on the Muttrah Corniche.) Outside it kind of looks like a weird bank, but inside it’s really nice, with very ‘fancy traditional Omani for tourists to enjoy’ vibe and decor. We sat outside on the terrace to look out on the water, but it’s pretty dark out there so you only really see the busy street and the fish market; maybe it’s better to sit inside. It was also really stressful outside because there were lots of wild dogs who kept running across the busy street! I was so unbelievably nervous for them to really focus on anything else.

Bait Al Luban is used to/made for tourists, and they have a well-marked menu for vegetarian dishes and enough knowledge to help determine which dishes are vegan. I started with the house specialty salad called Gheleambe, “a healthy salad from the Sharqiya” so I was in even though I don’t know what the Sharqiya is. It was a mix of watercress, shallots, and cherry tomatoes in a dried Omani lemon dressing. You know how I feel about salad! It was really good!

For mains, they have a whole page of vegetarian curries, casseroles, even an okra stew. I was tempted by my old faves like the fava beans and the okra but Z pointed out that I have those all the time, so I took the waiter’s suggestion and had another specialty, the Mahrage, which is red kidney beans in coconut curry. It was great!

Of course we also had a basket of pita! They don’t have vegan desserts (or maybe they had like fruit and sorbet but I’m forgetting because I don’t count that) but husbo’s coffee came with a plate of dates! So I won!

So definitely book a nice dinner at Bait Al Luban while in Muscat. The whole lovely traditional vibe is worth it since we didn’t see much of that elsewhere, but the food is really good too.

We also had lots of luck in the chain of supermarkets called Lulu Hypermarket. There’s one big one in the city (well they’re all big; they’re called hypermarkets!) that we went to several times to stock up on giant water bottles (a must-do when traveling so you don’t have to buy little craps when you’re out and about, wasting more plastic and money) and snacks (and tons of good dates to bring home!). We also went to a big one outside the city on the way to Nizwa, so we could get lots of prepared food for a lunchtime picnic. We got pita and hummus (obvs) and a ton of little salads and veggies from the prepared section. There were so many options and honestly it was all really good! The Lulu’s on the way to Nizwa is in a gigantic shopping mall-sort of building with bathrooms too so I was happy. The perfect rest stop on the drive if you decide to go to Nizwa (which I guess I did advise against in the previous post but you do you).

HOTELS

As I said in the Muscat post, we stayed at first at the Intercontinental Muscat, which you know now is next to the Oasis Centre with your new favorite falafel joint. We knew that this hotel was being renovated and that, though clean, the rooms were outdated and nothing special. This was true, though the lobby was pretty cool.

The hotel was nice enough, but we didn’t mind a lesser-than room since we were going to be so busy with sightseeing. It was still rather expensive for such a blah room but that’s Muscat, apparently. But the location was excellent, and even though we weren’t lounging around the hotel all the time, we did manage to enjoy the pool! You know a pool is my favorite thing.

The IC Muscat also had a great gym, probably one of the best hotel gyms I’ve used, which means of course I didn’t take a picture for some reason. Oh it was pretty crowded with Omani men; that’s probably why. Several asked me what sport I played which is hilarious. There are a lot of restaurants on the IC grounds too, because I guess it’s a resort, including a Trader Vic’s (which has nothing vegan) and a pizza place (which looked good but we always have pizza at home). I think it would be a great choice for a sightseeing base now that the rooms are (most likely) refurbished. Overall though it was fine.

But once we were done sightseeing, we made a prettayyy prettayyy good move to one of my favorite new places.

The Shangri-La Muscat. OH DIP! It’s pretty far outside the city center, because people who come here are not sightseeing anymore; they are staying put and enjoying resort life. Husbo and I have literally never done ‘resort life’ before this, but everyone said to take a few days to relax and enjoy it, so we did. We had two nights and two days here – that’s really all we could muster, given that we are not the laying on the beach doing nothing type (and really all we could afford). The grounds were endless and so gorgeous. There was so much endless luxury to enjoy and appreciate. (However, we agreed that the Four Seasons Dubai seemed classier and more luxurious.) It seemed like it was situated it its own private world, backed by a mountain on one side and the ocean on the other. Our own private ocean fortress (shared with hundreds of strangers)! It was pretty amazing. 

We had to wait about a half hour for our room, so we wandered the grounds and took pictures. Everything was so beautiful and even though there were tons of people there, nothing seemed too crowded. There were also like, five pools??!! I swam in so many pools!  Oh so the Shangri-La is actually made of three resorts: the main one, the family one (Al Waha), and the super-even-fancier-one-for-super-rich-people-who-need-their-own-elevators (Al Husn (which we had fun saying because it’s how my nephew said his name at the time)). These are rough guides, because there were kids at ours, fancy people at the kids one, &c. They’re all connected and they share (most) amenities, so it’s not really strict. We were at the main one, the Barr Al Jissah Resort and Spa. We saw the Al Waha a lot, since some of the restaurants and beach activities we experienced were closer to their end of the beach, and it was nice but definitely better for kids. It’s closer to the more kid-friendly pool and the busier beach end, things like that. (We weren’t allowed to see the fancier one, which I think is just part of the main building but with all private entrances and stuff. Well who really knows what else they have up there.)

But regardless of what they have over at the Al Husn, I loved the Barr Al Jissah, and it’s probably because things kicked off on a super high note. So I’m always that person who is like “wahhhh I’ve never been upgraded on anything why don’t I ever get an upgraaaaade let’s tell them we’re on our honeymoooon” and Husbo, being a Decent Person, is like “no we aren’t lying” and I’m like “fiiiine lying is wrong FINE but I want FANCY THINGS, GOD UGH” so anyway we arrive at the Shangri-La check-in (the fanciest check-in area man alive) and well first we have to wait and we take our photos of the grounds and we explore the interactive computer screens telling us what’s going on and we see THIS hilarity:

And when the check-in staff called us back over to the desk, the guy was like “are you celebrating any special occasion”? And husbo and I had a legit ESP-style discussion where I was saying “OMG no one ever just sets us up like that, we HAVE to say yes” and husbo was like “no we’re not lying” and I was like “but he’s asking for it!” and before he could ESP answer me, husbo told the guy “no we’re not, just here on holiday!” and I said “dammit!” (internally) but then the gods rewarded us for not lying because I am not even joking when I say the LEAST likely turn of events happened next: The staffer said “well, since you aren’t celebrating anything special, we want to ensure you remember your time here as special so we have upgraded your room.” I mean, WHO DOES THAT? What are the odds? I was hysterically laughing. Like come on. That doesn’t happen. I’ll take it.

The standard room we had booked was still very expensive, so getting a GODDAMN INCREDIBLE SUITE felt like some kind of sweet justice. It was awesome and ridiculous.

They also did my favorite hotel activity of leaving me edible gifts! We got daily fruit bowls and a lovely box of dates.

So yeah I was a little overexcited you could say! I love a nice hotel room that’s bigger than most apartments I’ve lived it! Man alive.

The Shangri-La never stopped surprising us with hilariously over-the-top amenities. The best by far was that the Al Jissah resort was linked to the Al Waha at the other end of the beach – by a lazy river. A LEGIT LAZY RIVER between the two hotels, from one pool to another (with 3-4 other pools around the grounds, of course). AMAZING.

We lazed on the lazy river so many times because when are you ever going to be staying in a place with one again?? We also swam in all the pools, went in the ocean, lounged on the beach, swam in more pools, explored the grounds by lazy river, explored by foot, and lather rinse repeated everything…and that was the first afternoon and we were like ‘okay now what’. We aren’t used to being resort people!

We decided to take advantage of literally every aspect of this experience, starting with…the turtle ranger! The Shangri-La has an on-site expert dedicated to the protection of native hawksbill and green sea turtles, and he’s called the TURTLE RANGER and he gets to live here and do this and man does that sound amazing. We went to his evening guidance jawn and made plans to go snorkeling with him the next morning to look for turtles in the ocean!! We were the only people interested the morning we went so it’s like we had a private snorkeling session and sea life lesson all for free! I obviously don’t have pictures of that experience, but it was incredible. The three of us met on the beach in front of the Al Waha section of the grounds, snorkeled up, and swam out under the resort’s ocean barrier ropes, around the cliffs, and out into the ocean out of the view and out of the safety of the resort. Now, I’ve been swimming my whole life, but not like, TO SURVIVE. Just for funsies! This was HARROWING. Have you ever swam, like literally swam doing swim-class strokes, no treading or bobbing or touching down, in the ocean for an hour? It is HARD! I was so not used to using a snorkel to breathe and so not used to swimming against ocean currents, so I was focusing so hard on Not Dying that I missed seeing the sea turtle! Sads! I saw a lot of beautiful fishies though, and like, didn’t drown, so I’m happy overall.

Those of you who read about our amazing spa exploits in the Dubai post will know what’s coming next: more spa exploits! It is called “Resort & Spa” for a reason! Sadly, there was a tennis court we didn’t make use of (tear), but we did use ALL THE THINGS in the spa, which is located outside a gate near one of the pools; you need your room key to get to the spa and fitness area. Like the Four Seasons Dubai, the Shangri-La spa had a jacuzzi, steam rooms, weird rain shower areas, weird air shower areas (I still don’t get these but every future spa requires them), a lovely lounge area, and lots of rooms for massages and treatments if you so desire. We had fun just skipping from random feature to random feature. 

They also had a very good gym, which seemed to be in a legit fitness center like open to outsiders? Or else it was just surprisingly busy! They had a lot going on – yoga center, classes, I wanna say a squash court?, as well as an outdoor mini-golf course! I used the main gym floor and the upstairs studio when it was not class time (I put videos on Instagram in the Muscat highlights section!). My only complaint is that the rowing machine wasn’t properly secured to the ground (I was like legit rowing across the room this way) but now we’re getting into niche complaints, which means we’re done with this section.

Since we were staying in here for a few days, that means we ate all our meals inside the grounds, as everyone does. There are lots of restaurants, and you have to make reservations for them since there are hundreds of guests looking for dinner at the same times. There’s the main hotel buffet, which looked good with decent vegan options, but it was expensive considering I’d be eating the cheapest food. Like, don’t charge me $60 when I’m going to be making a salad. Vegans should get buffet discounts! Regardless, the main buffet is pretty much what’s open for the (included) breakfast, so I got to try all the greatest hits anyway. We checked all the menus of all the restaurants, and hilariously, the seafood restaurant had the best vegan options!

The seafood restaurant is about halfway between Barr Al Jissah and Al Waha on the beach. They offer a chef’s marketplace salad and grilled asparagus as starters, and veggie paella, three bean casserole, and tortellini for mains. I know it doesn’t seem like a lot but I’m telling you, finding a restaurant at this resort with beans felt like a huge success.

I had the salad (obviously) and the beans, and they were really good! The chef’s salad said it would have caramelized dates in it, though, and mine clearly didn’t. I didn’t actually care because I was so full of dates by this point in the trip, but I’m annoyed at the misrepresentation.

For my main, of course I got the three bean casserole. The only thing better than a bean is three beans! It was actually really good.

A friend who had stayed here before told us that the breakfast buffet was seriously fantastic, and I was like “sure Jan” because I’m not a hotel breakfast person, but man alive! Just look at everything available at the breakfast buffet:

The breakfast buffet had a whole Arabic foods section! After I had all the fruit and juices and cereals (with soy milk on display!) and a plate from the enormous salad section, I could eat all my best friends – the hummus and the foul and the salads and the pita!!

And then I found this:

On the bread wall (yes there was an entire wall of breads) there was a soft pretzel box!! It’s like they saw me coming. There was also a diy soft-serve machine – yes, at the breakfast buffet – but of course it was not vegan. It’s okay I’m okay!

Honestly though, my favorite meal was room service! True, this could be because it was truly incredible food, or because it was actually the most economical option (and cheapest room service I’ve ever seen!), or because it was my first time ever getting room service (I KNOW!). It could also be because we got EVERYTHING vegan on the menu! And it was so nice to have a reason to use our fancy living room! The staff who brought it and cleaned up (you just call a number when you’re done and they come back and take the table away it all just folds up it was like magical) were really great, and even though I was embarrassed at how much we ordered, they were like ‘what’s up have fun’. So much food, so amazing.

We got lentil soup, we got curry, we got rice, we got dolmas, we got hummus and pita, and we got fattoush and another salad thing and a basket of rolls and some kind of vegan spinach puff ball and man alive this was a lot of food now that I write it all out knowing I’m forgetting something additional. (That coffee pot looking jawn is the lentil soup container lol.)

The morning we flew back to London, we had to leave the hotel at like 6 am (egads and oh no). Since we would be missing breakfast, the hotel sent us off with a bag stuffed with tropical fruit containers and salads! (Sure the salads had feta but I could eat the fruit! So nice!)

This was an incredibly special holiday as you can see, and not just because I had my first upgrade (yasss), or my first room service (yassss), or because I didn’t drown in the ocean. Muscat might not be a vegan mecca, but it has a lot to offer tourists in terms of history and culture and overall great experiences, and vegans will definitely be more than fine. And if you read this whole thing, you deserve a stay at the Shangri-La.

The post Eating Vegan and Living it UP in Muscat, Oman appeared first on Laughfrodisiac.

Once a month, The Gate in Mary’s the bone hosts a “secret” vegan supper club (which is cute to call it that I guess because you can’t actually find info on their website easily but obvs it’s not secret; they let me in). For £49.50, you get a decadent, beautiful 5-course meal PLUS matching wines. Five wines are included in that pretty decent price! That’s amazing if you drink/are British! I do not and am not, but I was taken care of too (more below). I believe the menu changes for every supper club event – or at least it should, because I’m gonna go every single month as often as I can, because it was wonderful. (I’m really enjoying this strikethrough feature today. I’ll never stop I will stop.)

Out of the 5 courses, 1 was just fine, 2 were good and could easily have been great, 1 was great, and 1 was forking phenomenal, so overall I call that a win, especially because if this was all phenomenal I’d have nothing to say except EEEEE! and you all know how much I like to say things. Let’s get to the food!

First up to bat was my absolute favorite of the savory dishes, the crispy shiitake wonton: shiitake duxelle (duxelle is a fancy way of saying you prepared mushrooms with onions and garlic and herbs and then mixed it all up into a paste or an almost-paste or just finely chopped), cilantro, lime sauce, alfalfa, enoki mushrooms, and shiso. At first I was like ‘I love me some sprouts but that’s a huge pile of alfalfa’, but it was actually well balanced in the dish on the whole, because the mushroom duxelle was so rich and SO delicious that you needed to even that intensity out with literally nothing threads. I loved the little herb sauce dollops, the random enoki on top, and all the flavors together. This was the dish that was great.

The second dish was avocado, mango, and shimeji ceviche. Shimeji mushrooms are the little cartoon-looking fuckers pictured. I love all kinds of mushrooms (except magic ones) (don’t do drugs (THERE’S NO HOPE WITH DOPE lol remember that episode of Saved by the Bell omg it was the best with Johnny Dakota???? and then actual NBC president Brandon Tartikoff did the actual PSA at the end? HILARIOUS) (also obvs I’m joking do whatever you want just don’t forking drive and DO NOT make me smell it FFS ALL MY NEIGHBORS)). This was a very refreshing, very fresh ‘ceviche’ of our three awesome stars (avocado, mango, cartoon mushrooms) covered in lime juice, chili dressing, soft cashews, and placed in leaves of chicory. As you can see, there are also some edible flowers sprinkled about which is a surefire way to please me. So fun! This was one of the dishes that was good but not great, and that’s because while the flavors were all fresh and nice, it was super limey without having the right amount of salt to bring it out in a nice and not overly sour way.

Next is another of the (very) good dishes that could so easily have been great. I really enjoyed this, but admit that a few tiny tweaks could probably make it incredible. Here we have zucchini rolls (I WILL NEVER SAY COURGETTE) (no I already do), filled with WONDROUS fava bean mousse and topped with sumac. These rolls were super delicious; I would buy tubs of that mousse and eat it instead of my regular hummus rotation for several weeks if I could. It was so mild and pleasant and delicious, and the sumac was an interesting and nice touch. However, the smooth mousse was a little geriatric/soft-food-diet, and one of my dining companions said it needed something in the roll-up that was a little more substantial so he didn’t think ‘nursing home safety.’

As you can see, it’s on a bed of couscous, with mint, pistachios, and pomegranate, which was fine, basic. And then there’s a blob of green garlic yogurt on the side. The yogurt did not do it for me; I left most of it where I found it. I don’t think it was necessary and it was too strong, overpowering the mousse flavor, to be worth it. I think if they adiosed that (maybe replacing with something proteiny since, as usual with vegan tasting menus, that was lacking) plus maybe added a few whole fava beans or crushed nuts or something solid-food to the mousse filling this dish would have been great.

The last of the savory dishes was the one I think was just fine. Don’t get me wrong, it tasted great, as everything did (except that yogurt glob), but it was just so ya basic, the dish vegans have been served since before people knew what vegetarian meant so now just feels uninspired and lackluster: the Mediterranean aubergine. This was a big old (nicely) grilled eggplant with Romanesco cauliflower, pieces of butternut squash, semi-dried tomato pesto (I guess because it’s not sunny enough in the UK to fully dry your maters), radishes, and a very welcome piece of baby artichoke, and some green herby sauces all over. All the components were good, especially the pesto and that artichoke (artichokes rock), but despite everything tasting good, (to paraphrase Husbo’s best restaurant review:) you’re still just an asshole eating yet another roasted pile of root veg.

BUT IT’S OK THEY MADE UP FOR IT WITH DESSERT!

The dessert was the PHUH FORKING NOMENAL dish. I mean. Wow. Guys, I think this has been added to my top five restaurant desserts of all time. OF ALL TIME! This chocolate tulip featured a lovely chocolate shell cup housing the most incredible chocolate mousse like EVER. You can see the mousse cup looks red, so I was concerned that they were trying some funny business of trying to ‘improve’ upon classic chocolate by making it chocolate-raspberry or some bullshit that we don’t need because classic chocolate is perfection, but that’s just a dusting of I’m guessing dried raspberry powder to match the lovely little bits of dried raspberry crunch on top and the real raspberries around the plate. IT WAS SO AMAZING. And even though this was amazing in its own right, that right there in green is a dollop of the MOST INCREDIBLE pistachio Chantilly cream you ever did see. I mean I’m just so grateful. This was THE BEST. You need to try this.

While my three omnivorous (they really enjoyed this!) dining companions enjoyed all the wine, I got to choose whatever soft drinks I wanted to accompany my dishes, for no added charge. I was a bit dismayed at first that the ‘soft pairing option’ they confirmed they had in the email wasn’t pre-planned, but it was nice to be able to choose my own drinks off their regular menu. I got a carrot, ginger, beet, and celery juice first, and then a ginger spritz (ginger, lemon, soda) mocktail next. They made it clear I could order more, but they brought me full-size versions so I was so full from liquid so fast, especially considering I’d gone through 3 liter carafes of water before long! And we had 5 courses to go through!

This supper club was a truly lovely experience and I was glad to be reminded of how great The Gate’s food is. Their next one is August 22, so book in now.

The Gate, “Secret” Vegan Supper Club, Marylebone, London, UK

Water speed: They brought carafes of water pretty regularly! It was good! I was so full of liquid!
Service: Very good. As usual with these sorts of events, with everyone in the room finishing at the same time, it’s a little difficult and stressful to pay at the end since everyone is trying to, and it was frustrating that the servers seemed to be cleaning up instead of seeing that we wanted to pay, but that’s my small quibble. Overall good!
Bathrooms: Three stalls in the women’s room with internal sinks, which always make me mad because when there’s a line you’re like ‘why don’t they just put the sinks outside the stalls so the line moves faster’ but this wasn’t the theatre, there was no line. So it was fine. And clean.
Food: Delicious! Overall it was really nice, and even the things that weren’t interesting were still well made and tasted great.
Bonus:  I love a good supper club! I felt this was a great value for money, especially with all those drinks included. AND THAT DESSERT!

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Let’s take a look at all the food, course by course (one by one, till you shout ‘enough I’m done!’ except I can’t hear you so no).

Course 1: Pea sorbet in juice from the garden

I know, what? Pea sorbet? In GREEN JUICE? With a random sourdough crispbread on top? Are you shitting me? Honestly, although the crispbread felt out of place (and we got real sourdough bread later in the meal so that was enough (yay bread!)), this was one of my favorites. The juice held pickly celery bits, samphire (I LOVE samphire), fresh peas, mustard seeds, just a whole juice cleanse worth of goodness. It was so refreshing, and the impressively successful sorbet was unlike anything I’ve had before. I felt completely detoxified from it (and yes that’s b.s. but it felt like a happy summer day).

Course 2: Carrot, almond, and parsley

This was a play on carrots two ways: what seemed to be slow cooked and then charred, and then pickly discs on top (lol pickly discs), with a parsley ice, some almonds, and a dollop of cream. The parsley ice could have used salting, but otherwise this was very nice, although I would have preferred more of a saucing to make it more interesting. I feel like this was the one dish that I could have believed coming from a past restaurant visit, where it was all good, don’t get me wrong, but not exceedingly special.

Course 3: Cauliflower glazed in coffee, hazelnut polenta

As someone who doesn’t drink or like coffee, I’m shocked that this dish might be my favorite. The coffee-glazed cauliflower was GENIUS, absolutely a work of genius. There’s something about that coffee depth that really shines with the cauliflower, raising the so maligned but so hard-working vegetable to new heights. It worked so well. The creamy, super rich polenta was delicious, like a fancy ass breakfast porridge but fancyassier. On its own, it would be something I’d want more for a loaded-oatmeal-like dessert treat, but with the cauliflower this was all so right.

Course 4: Mushroom parfait, bobby beans

This dish was a mushroom lover’s fantasy, and since I’m a mushroom lover, I was clearly bowled over. The various mushroom parts of this dish were extraordinary. The king oyster mushroom was, as my seatmates pointed out, EXACTLY like scallops, with the same texture. I love oyster mushrooms. The jelly square was actually pure truffle goo, like WHAT in the world, how did they inject so much truffle flavor, and into what? What’s the base? Just pure fat? I don’t know but WOW. There was so much of it and it was so unbelievably rich that I had trouble finishing it, but it was so delicious that I wanted to. (And then I got a bellyache.) But a little goes a long way with pure truffle goop goodness. Tiny little cartoon mushrooms and green onions dotted the dish to brighten up the heavy flavors, a really smart and necessary addition, plus there were a few endive leaves just like chilling randomly. Bobby beans (you gotta say it like MMMBOBBY NEWPORT!) apparently just means regular green beans cooked in oil, but they were wrapped in a long magician’s scarf of a collard leaf which I adored, obviously.

Course 5: Strawberries, fennel sorbet

It’s not British summertime without perfect strawberries, but that fennel sorbet, like the pea sorbet, was the star. It was SUPERB. If you like anise flavors, this would have blown your G-D MIND. I mean come on it was fennel sorbet! It managed to be the right level of sweet without becoming medicinal, and while packing enormous fennel flavor into each spoonful.

Course 6: Chocolate, olive oil, and parsnip

We were all nervous about this one, because, while chocolate and olive oil are friends, who invited parsnip? I don’t even like parsnips; it’s like my least-eaten vegetable. (Damn between coffee and parsnips this dinner sure challenged my tastes.) How were they even going to combine the three ingredients? Well, geniusly, of course. The chocolate was in a rich, wonderful ganache that I could eat every single day for dessert, happily. There were harder little chocolate bits underneath it that I very much enjoyed finding. But the surprise was the parsnip, in the form of a third and final impressive sorbet. The creaminess of the parsnip made it more like an ice cream, and somehow, someway, by the grace of god, it was actually delicious. There’s no wiggle room in making parsnip ice cream; one drop too much of sugar and it’s gross sugary parsnips. But they nailed it, and it’s mind-boggling. The whole dish was covered with drops of candied ginger to tie it together and it was so good.

As if that weren’t enough, they sent us home with little treat gifts! Inside these little cloth (“his napkins are made of shirt material!” “cloth”) sacks were handmade truffles and caramels. I KNOW!

And they were DELICIOUS. I don’t know whether to thank the venue or the restaurant for these, but thanks to everyone. What an adorable, delightful capper to a fantastic dinner.

Acorn Restaurant Supper Club at 10 Cable Street, Whitechapel, London, UK

Water speed: There were carafes of water already on the (communal) tables when we arrived! That is the best way to become my friend! Sure the glasses were only 2-sip-holders but with a carafe at the ready, it was great! And even though I kept finishing the pitchers quickly, someone would IMMEDIATELY come to replace it. Super impressed.
Service: Very good considering how hard it is to serve dozens of people the same thing at the same times. I loved that the head chef came out to tell each table about each dish. It felt very special.
Bathrooms: 10 Cable Street has one lil guy that is kind of smack in the middle of the dining room and feels a little weird; I might just go home next time! But it’s fine. The only problem was that the communal tables had bench seating and, in a long dress, I COULD NOT get in and out of my seat without looking like a fool LIKE A FOOL. So dress appropriately. (Also, if you have limited mobility, contact them in advance about your seating.)
Food: So impressive and delicious, we are honestly considering a trip to the Bath restaurant.
Bonus:  It’s nice to eat a great meal surrounded by like-minded folks! I said folks lol! We talked to really nice people and had a ball. Also, did I mention I live pretty much next door? I can’t wait to see what the next event at 10 Cable Street is.

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Once we landed and showered (hooray for the room being ready for once!), we were ready to find what would be a favorite Dubai restaurant: Zaroob. I received several recommendations for this classic Middle Eastern place, including from my brother who according to the Snapchat gender-flipping filter is just me with shorter hair so of course I was going to love it. Considering my affection for hummus and bread for that hummus, Zaroob delivered. It was an easygoing place with a great menu of all my classics: hummus, bread, chickpeas, salads, other types of bread, other types of salads. I could literally eat that every day. And I do!

From the English menu (everything in Dubai is in English), we ordered the hummus with a Lebanese twist, the twist being I guess that it was topped with chickpeas and olive oil; I guess the Lebanese like cute lil nods to deconstructed hummus. We also got a fattoush, which came in three parts – the regular vinegary green salad, the dish of pita chips, and the plate of mixed herbs so that was fun. Our requisite foul (fava beans but like amazing) came in a large silver pitcher which I found hilarious (and hard to photograph).

We also got an order of za’atar manoushe, which is like a flatbread pie with amazing spices inside. We first went crazy for this dish in Jordan and we pretty much get it at every Middle Eastern restaurant every time.

I love this place. It’s casual, inexpensive, and delicious. Their menu said that they were coming to London soon but I guess we have different definitions of soon.

After a day of exploring the labyrinthine malls and city center (next post!), we had dinner at the vegan-friendly yoga studio & cafe (my favorite kind of place, honestly, I’m so crunchy) Life’n One (the accurate typography, I checked; it’s a contraction of Lifern I guess). The restaurant was outside in a gorgeous setting, dark but gorgeous, full of mosquitoes because of said darkness but gorgeous.

There are a few wooden tables out back (with spiders, hooray) and lots of carpets with cushions to lounge upon which isn’t the mooost fun when you are eating but it looks so nice.

As is my wont, I ordered the Superfood Salad, but this was the wrong order at such a me-centric joint. It was mostly kale, which yeah I love, but there wasn’t enough of anything else. It was supposed to be “hand-chopped kale” which I guess means “huge pieces I have to rip apart with my hands” with Mexican avocado, oven-roasted potatoes in tahini, pea shoots, pumpkin seeds, goji berries, and acai dressing. It was pretty much those big kale pieces and REALLY big potatoes. I should have tried the other salad which is I shit you not called ‘The Salad I Was Looking For’ (why didn’t I listen to it?) because it’s topped with ashwagandha and you know I love any bullshit about healing mushroom powders.

Z always orders right, and he got the Unbeatable Vurger, one of their classics. (Other classics included chickpea flour scrambles and omelettes and something incredible called Jungle on Toast so I really ordered wrong.) The Vurger is an oyster mushroom patty with faux Gruyere cheese (I feel like this was just a slab of tofu but who’s complaining), melted cheddar cheese, mushrooms, mixed greens, pickles, and sprouts. It was gooood!

But the best part is not pictured because I got it to go and it was hot in Dubai and it melted but it didn’t matter because it was incredible and delicious and messy and amazing. The Snickers pie. If you go, you get it. It’s everything you’re imagining it to be, but better and chocolaty-er (if I said chocolatier you’d think I was talking about a person so here we are) and messier.

Next up to bat is my favorite place in Dubai. Okay I say that a lot but I have a lot of favorites, it’s allowed. But the Arabian Tea House, an oasis in the middle of a long day of sightseeing, is legit my favorite of all. It has that classic Middle Eastern menu of all my faves but, like the best Tony Awards opening number of all time that I must admit will never be topped even though I’m a little meh on Neil Patrick Harris right now, BIGGER. The Tea House also has the loveliest setting, oh man, bright and airy (it is outside) in a cute but packed (popular for a reason) courtyard. And the food is wonderful.

Why is this wonderful place my top restaurant for Dubai? Well sure they had delicious watermelon juice, and great hummus, and amazing hot tanoor (their word, I don’t know it but I’ll use it) breads that they kept bringing me because I can demolish hot bread, but they also had a menu section called Emirati Salads so I stood no chance.

Obviously I got one, the Arabian Tea House Special Salad (this time I listened to what the menu was telling me; always listen when people/salads tell you who they are). It was a big ass bowl of sorrel, tomato, basil, coriander (European for cilantro), onion, pomegranate seeds, “baby rockets” as the menu said (they meant rocket/arugula obvs but the extra ‘s’ may have been the final push to order it), olive oil and lemon juice, served with even more fresh tanoor bread. THANKS.

As usual, we over-ordered and yet finished everything because it was fantastic. We got SUCH GOOD HUMMUS, like memories of Tel Aviv amazing hummus. We got the aforementioned watermelon juice that came with a big ole hunk of watermelon, please and thank you. We got a dish of navy beans ‘in a sauce’ that turned out to be tomato-y and thus it was like literally a dish of baked beans and we found that hilarious but it was good so who cares, especially when it required moar bread.

Okay in hindsight I guess we didn’t grossly over-order but I remember being grossly full, probably because we had like 11 bread refills. I LOVE THIS PLACE.

We have one more restaurant to talk about before we get to my favorite non-hummus topics (beds and swimming). One night, before we went to the top of the Burj Khalifa (like I said next post!), we ate dinner on the water at Souk Al Bahar (across the bridge from the big mall) at a restaurant called Baker & Spice. This restaurant has a surprisingly good vegan pasta option, and while I usually never order pasta out (I-ah come-ah from the eye-tals I-ah make-ah it good!), I’m glad I got this. It was vegan beetroot bucatini with Madras chickpea curry, lemon, and coconut. Interesting mix but it worked! We also shared a nice lentil soup.

We sat outside on the patio so we could see the fountains, and we had to move a few times because of gross ass smokers, but it was worth it because that night was the special 10th anniversary show for the Burj Khalifa. Every 20 or 30 minutes, there was a fantastic fountain show by the designers of the Bellagio fountains. It was so fun!

All in all I had pretty great vegan food in Dubai. There’s one more meal to share, but that will come in the travel post because it was in the middle of nowhere in another Emirate – we toured all 7 in a day! Have you been to the Arabian Tea House? Did you get mosquitoed at Lifern One? Do you know when Zaroob is coming to London? Comment away!

LODGING

When we first arrived in Dubai, cranky and tired and pushing through the jet-lag jello barrier, our room at the Four Seasons Hotel was like a miracle. We stayed at the DIFC (Dubai International Financial Centre, like the Wall Street/Canary Wharf area) location because we could use corporate rates which worked out awesome because big announcement: THE FOUR SEASONS DIFC HOTEL BED IS IN MY TOP 5 BEDS OF ALL TIME! OF ALL TIME! It was PERFECT. Those pillows. Those pillows were the best pillows I’ve ever encountered. I dream about those pillows while sleeping on inferior pillows. (Not that I sleep anymore since my jet lag from this week’s long-haul is the worst it’s ever been for some reason but that’s not a complaint for you, that’s a complaint FOR THE GODS.)

The service was really nice too, and every day (or sometimes twice!) they’d bring us little treat gifts, like a box of fancy dates or a fruit plate. Housekeeping also always lined up my toiletries in straight army lines which I found hilarious.

Despite being in the quieter financial centre, it wasn’t a bad location. Sure you could choose to be closer to the lights and crowds by the malls and the Burj Khalifa but in the DIFC, we were closer to Zaroob, so, priorities. It wasn’t hard to get anywhere either. And the best part of staying here, the part I told you at the start was coming, was that the Four Seasons DIFC gave their guests access to their much fancier, much more expensive, much just all around INCREDIBLER resort branch uptown (or downtown, I didn’t get a sense of Dubai’s layout, sue me, but it feels right to say ‘uptown’ you get it because suuupes fancy like movin’ on up mooovin’ on up &c.). The Four Seasons Dubai Beachfront Resort at Jumeirah Beach was, to put it simply, my good place, so amazing I bolded it for no real reason except that maybe making it bold will bring it closer to me again. I might cry remembering all the amenities. There’s nothing Tom Haverford and I have more in common than our love for amenities.

The resort was like a grand palace, and they pointed us to the spa changing rooms which give access to the pool and the beach, which is just beyond the pool, which is my favorite kind of beach. I have fun on beaches but omg, a swimming pool is my JAM. So having both right next to each other is perfection. There were actually two big pools, separated by a gate. One was for families/kids and had an afternoon sing-along session – which is the first time we ever heard “Baby Shark” and it hasn’t left my head since.

The pool workers came around with free green juice at one point, and constantly came around with waters. I mean. Was this real? I actually am unsure.

So what about those T-Hizzle amenities? Well, that spa changing room I mentioned was connected to the spa, and we were allowed to go nuts, and go nuts I did. The Four Seasons Resort has the MOST BALLER SPA I have EVER seen IN MY LIFE. There was a jacuzzi, steam rooms, sauna rooms, tropical rain shower sections, weird different-types-of-breezes-in-a-cubicle sections, fully stocked lockers (thanks for that weird underwear you’re supposed to wear for spa treatments you’re damn right I took it for some reason), a lovely snack table with apples and fresh juices and dates and water and oranges and pretty much just everything you’d want. There was a magic BATHING SUIT DRYER. You put your wet swimsuit in and push a button and there’s a weird sound and literally five seconds later your suit is dry! IT’S A MAGIC LAND.

It was THE BEST! Since the spas are off each changing room, Z and I were separated (yes, there are TWO of these tricked out spas) but it was still so much fun. We both tried literally every part, every steam and sauna and weird shower and jacuzzi, after a day of swimming in the pool and the ocean and then the pool and then the other pool. It was the best day. I like being in water at all times. The changing rooms also had wonderful showers that we used after all the swimming, fully stocked with fancy hair and body products, plus all the toiletries you could imagine.

The best part is, we got all of this for being guests of the DIFC, not paying the resort prices. If you can swing it, you should stay here, as it’s the BEST, but staying at the cheaper DIFC location (with the best beds)(I mean I’m sure the resort has equally incred beds, maybe even nicer, but I can’t report on that) and crashing the resort party was definitely the right move for us!

So that’s it for the soft parts of Dubai (food and hotels are soft; touring and museums and stuff are hard). Stay tuned for the big travel post! Here’s another face hole to tide you over. You know how much we love face holes.

(Re: the title of this post, since Z didn’t know WHAT I was getting at: Did some of you not grow up with a Ruby’s Diner and thus its earworm of a jingle? If not, this is referencing said jingle.)

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L’Eau de Vie (which means The Shape of Water) (just kidding it’s The Water of Life, not a best picture winner OR a fish-f***ing movie) is a rather large and rather lovely waterfront space right between Harbor East and Fells Point. We walked there from Canton (look at me KNOWING SHIT) and it felt relatively safe and fine. And it’s easy to walk up Fells Point after for the nightlife if that’s the sort of thing you’re into. Me, I would just sit in the restaurant and eat the entire menu over and over, that’s the sort of thing I’m into, which, you’ll see, we tried to do. The staff was super lovely and the chef even came out to talk afterwards, which was a treat. I love talking to chefs pretending like I have any more sophisticated food thoughts in my brain than “please I have moar?” or “IT WAS SO GOOD”, but we had a nice chat. Their plats du jour, which is what I had ordered for my main (you’ll see boyyyys (you’ll see! the beauty of a studioooo that let’s us do our work and get paaaaid)(TAKE THE DEAL, ROGER)), will most likely change seasonally to reflect the best of what’s available and you know the weather and what people like to eat when it’s hot or cold out I mean you know what seasonally means.

Okay so the food, let’s get down to it. Between four of us, we ordered approximately 34 dishes. No that’s jokes but we had plenty, and it was RG (real good). We had enough that I had a sandwich leftover for our flight the next day! That’s my favorite kind of leftover. For appetizers, we ordered: the caesar salad, the mushroom pate, the seitan Rockefeller, and the pretzel bites. Let’s give each their due. 

Let’s get the low point out of the way first, and it wasn’t even a low point, just underwhelming. With a little bit of luck work (My Fair Lady is next week’s show!), it could be stellar so hopefully some tweaks can be made. (“t-w-e-a-k-i-n-g tweaking, sounds like…he’s married” anyone?) The Caesar salad needs work. They need to double the amount of Romaine, and triple the amount of garlic-almond dressing, plus add some salt to the dressing and some more of the nut base for heft, and that’ll be great. It was too small and too nothing – there was barely any taste except plain raw garlic, which yes I love that but that’s not a Caesar. 

The mushroom pate, on the other hand, was wonderful, and all three of my omnivore companions loved it, maybe even more than I did! I liked that it came with chip points because they were sort of like a cross between crackers and pita and tortilla chips and I love all those things. Any hesitation we had from the Caesar flavor(lessness) was nullified by the perfectly balanced taste of the pate.

The seitan Rockefeller, which means richest seitan in the world, was stellar, one of my faves. Maybe it’s just because I always love seitan, and they make their own in-house (you can even buy pounds of it ‘raw’ to cook at home! There’s a fridge case!). The Rockefeller sauce was delicious. It’s a super green sauce, filled with herbs and possibly spinach, and I love how fresh and strong it tasted. The pickled veg on the side was unnecessary; maybe a few actual pickles (in the American sense) would be better (or – you know what I always want – a small salad), or just roast the veg (or potato wedges!), since these root veg shapes were meh. but they were the garnish so no real complaints. The actual dish, the seitan, was great.

The last of the appetizers was my favorite thing of the whole meal, and so good I almost cried. I’m just SO PLEASED. These are the pretzel bites with spicy beer cheese, a play on the movie theatre and ballpark staple of my childhood. You all know how important it is to me that milkshakes are thick (thin milkshakes are just milk and they are an abomination to the phrase and to my existence if we wanted sweet milk we would buy a carton of Alpro chocolate soy for $1) but equally important to me is the quality of soft pretzels. It is hard impossible to find decent soft pretzels in England (so I make my own (“I’m 100% that bitch”)), especially coming from the city that perfected them (Philly). I did not expect these soft pretzel bites to be some of the most perfect soft pretzels of any size or form I’ve EVER had. The texture, the bite, the chewiness, the flavor, it was all heavenly. Literally almost cried. How did she do it? HOW? Teach me your secrets! They’re amazing. And the beer cheese? STOP. It was INSANE. Oh my god this was the best dish ever and you need to go to Baltimore and order it and find out how she made both components because they made like a Vedge-worthy dish. UNBELIEVABLE. I want pretzels and I didn’t raise any dough today DAMMIT.

For our mains, the three of them ordered sandwiches which I found hilarious but it was smart because sandwiches are some of the best food on the planet; Joey Tribbiani would never steer us wrong. (On my 115th rewatch, he’s probably the best character too.) And I ordered a terrific plat du jour. Between us we shared:

• the BL-TBD panini: tofu-bacon, lettuce, apple, and herb mayo
• the grilled seitan sausage reuben: their housemade seitan-sausage, sauerkraut, cashew cheese, thousand island dressing
• the double-decker sandwich: tofu-bacon, seitan-sausage, cashew-cheese, hyphen-overload, herb mayo, lettuce, apple

And my plat du jour of the herb mushroom crepes, with seitan-filled crepes, creamy herb mushroom sauce, and a baby spinach salad. (Did I get it just because it came with more salad? No! Not entirely.) We also added sweet potato fries on the side of one of the sandwiches.

The crepes were by far my favorite, and for the first time I felt like I did the best ordering. I always feel order envy and regret but not tonight! I never have crepes, just not usually my thing, maybe because of Ricky Bobby, but these were incredible. The seitan cubes were great but that mushroom sauce was real French restaurant perfection. It was saucier than it appears in the picture but I would have appreciated a little cup of more of the sauce just because man alive it was so good. I want that now too! Writing about food before dinner is rough! 

The sandwiches were all good, but the seitan-sausage Reuben won the day for I think everyone. We have had our fair share of Reubens since vegan Reubens are also on my Very Important Food list, and usually I’m partial to tempeh-based ones. But this was GREAT. Inside shot:

The grilling really made it sing, and the combo of the sausage and the cheese and the sauerkraut was just right. SO GOOD.

I also liked the other two. The tofu-bacon, lettuce, apple, and herb mayo one felt very springy and fresh, and grilling it (it was also a panino) really made it work, especially with the fresh apple in there. The double-decker was good but I’m not a huge fan of an extra slice of bread in the middle of a sandwich so that’s purely just not my order. And this bread needed to be toasted; I think that would have been better. It was a little dry too, so a lot more of the mayo and cheese is definitely needed.

So that was our dinner at L’Eau de Vie, and despite my few bits of constructive criticism, it was sublime. It was pretty great all around, with some dishes spiking to absolutely amazing, making this my fave restaurant in the city and my #1 Must Return To If I’m Ever In Baltimore Again I Mean Surely I Must Be At Some Point Right restaurant. I highly recommend a visit!

L’Eau de Vie Organic Brasserie, Baltimore, Maryland, USA
Water speed: Our waitress was probably the fastest shot in the West with her pitcher of water. She would refill our glasses before they were even halfway through; it’s like she saw me coming and it was amazing. We were all in awe of her water skill. This sounds poss sarcastic but I’ve never been more serious; you know I need my water.
Service: Really nice and friendly! 
Bathrooms: Big, clean, nice single serves. 
Food: Overall great, some incredible. Would love to return. 
Bonus:  An all-vegan restaurant with quality French dishes? making their own seitan? with juices and smoothies and all kinds of my favorite things??? The best!

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