Seville, Spain: I Did Not Fall Madly in Love with Generalissimo Franco But I Still Had Fun

​I was so psyched for our four days in Chengdu. My excitement was 80% because of the pandas, 70% because Sichuan food is the best food in China (and beyond!), 50% because a big city promised to have lots of bubble tea, and 99% because we were staying in our fanciest hotel yet (how good am I at percentage totals) and after months of travel I am jonesing for some luxury (clean sheets, btw, is what I consider luxury now). Guess what suckers, it ALL delivered! And how! The bubble tea was everywhere, the food was amazing, the pandas were ADORBS, and the hotel was so best ever that I actually cried when we had to leave. I’m a mess of a dork. The only negative was that people/crowds/pushers/shovers are getting on our last nerve and it’s getting old and exhausting for us to deal with. But other than that Chengdu was a great time. Maybe because we spent most of the time in the hotel. Worth it. 

​When we arrived after the previous sleeper from hell, we took a subway from the station to the area of our hotel, the Fraser Suites. It was rough, with our bags, trying to fight for space on the crowded mess of a subway. Oh p.s., all the subways in China are identical. They were all built standard issue by the government or something because seriously, same same. It’s helpful for figuring out how to use them. Anyway, so we were sweaty and smelly and tired but we finally got to the Fraser Suites at 3pm. We were so excited to finally have customer service in China that was at least as good as it is in England (because England’s is bad, but China’s is worse). Nooope. Why would we ever think that would happen here! The staff said our room wasn’t ready, even though check-in was over an hour before we arrived. So, unacceptable. She said to wait 20 minutes or so and I said UNACCEPTABLE. No I just pointed out that we were past check-in and there’s no reason the room shouldn’t be ready and it’s a giant place and they must have another room ready and do you see how dirty I am I need to shower! Someone else overheard and was like jfc give these people a different room we have so many! So yay, we went up to an identical room, so they say, and it was gloooooorious. I almost don’t care that they acted like they didn’t know who I was (DON’T YOU KNOW WHO I AM) because this hotel room was the shizz. Actually, it’s more of an apartment. And I would be happy to live there. There was a big kitchen with all the appliances you’d need – oven, stove, full-sized fridge and freezer, and a freaking blender and food processor. 

​But they weren’t even the best part! Guys looooook:

A LAUNDRY MACHINE! I could wash my things every day! I could wash twice a day! Who’s gonna stop me! We did indeed do laundry every day, after we washed literally everything in our packs. It was beautiful. It was an England-style combo washer-dryer in the same machine, which my fellow UK-dwellers will know don’t dry AT ALL. But guess what suckers, of course the Fraser Suites one actually dried and like a dreeeeam! I was so happy. 

There were also so many closets that I unpacked literally everything and stored my empty bag in its own closet by the front door, along with our shoes lined up on a hidden rack below it. I mean. It’s like fancy Ikea with all the compartments. 

From the open plan kitchen you could view the big living room, with a big comfy couch that had the section on the end that you can lay down on (what’s that called), a big TV THAT GOT HBO, and a nice desk for baby laptop. 

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The bedroom was gorgeous and the pillows were maybe the best ever. Big fluffy pillows are my favorite and I fancy myself a connoisseur and I think these were the best. I am gonna cry again thinking about them. There was also a button by the bed that closed the thin curtains, and another button that closed the heavy blackout drapes across the giant window wall. I know. I thought that was just something they made up for Cameron Diaz’s house in The Holiday. There was also a big TV on the wall. HBO in bed. 

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On the way to the big clean bathroom was a big closet area with full closets on both sides of the walkway (where I unpacked all my shit), a safe, and two big robes hanging. Erma. And slippers! The bathroom had a big tub and a separate shower, a good sink area with a hairdryer and a light-up makeup mirror, soooo many drawers and cabinets (I also unpacked all my toiletries), good little hotel toiletries including, finally, body lotion (I’m out!), and…………a television in the tub. I didn’t take a picture of it because I didn’t want to spook it and have it disappear. Guys. I was never leaving. I mean I did leave and we did stuff but come one. It was heaven. 

There was also one of the best hotel gyms ever. It wasn’t quite up to the Kempinski gym in Ulaan Baatar, because there they had water bottles fully stocked in a fridge and here they just had a big cooler of not cold water with plastic cups, but otherwise, it was wonderful. Oh man. Oh and guess what, there are gym bros in China too just like everywhere else that I have to yell at for being all gym bro-ey (like bringing bose speakers to play their music for the entire gym WHO DOES THAT.)

Attached to the gym was a separate ‘yoga room’. I know, this is getting ridiculous. There wasn’t a lot of floor space in the main gym (so many machines!) so I brought what I needed into the yoga room often and had it to myself. It was amazing. 

Down the hall on this floor were separate men’s and women’s locker rooms. Inside the locker rooms were the usual lockers, toilets, sinks, showers (with shampoo and hairdryers omg), but then around the bend was, I shit you not, a hot dip pool, a cool dip pool, a dry sauna AND a steam room. I mean I guess the only drawback was that Z and I couldn’t do the sauna-steam-hot tub-cold tub-repeat-repeat-repeat together but we barely cared. This was ridiculous. You operated the sauna and steam yourselves and each time I used it I was the only one in there. So I made it really hot and they quickly regretted it. Do it on the normal temperature. 

After the sauna area of both locker rooms, there are doors to the big swimming pool. It was a very nice pool, but the lifeguard makes everyone wear swim caps which is gross because ew sharing hair things and ALSO I have more hair and a giant head compared to Chinese people and it was so uncomfortable. Did I care that much? No, have you heard about this hotel?! It’s AMAZING. The ceiling of it was set up like a starry night – not Starry Night, but a night sky full of stars that ACTUALLY TWINKLED. 

One day we were exploring a different communal floor and found a billiards room, a ping pong table, and the funniest thing ever, a giant room just filled with massage chairs. They were pretty old models but still we spent at least an hour trying all the settings. It was so f-ing hilarious. Who just has a random room full of massage chairs. 

​I know I am talking so g-d much about this hotel and I know it is ridiculous. But compare this to most of where we’ve been sleeping all summer! I’ve never stayed quite in a place like this (and it was under $100 a night! That’s amazing for what it is). To make everything even more amazing, one afternoon my favorite movie ever, “You’ve Got Mail”, was on HBO. I did not go outside that day. Oh no I did – there was a mall across the street with a Carrefour grocery store and several bubble tea shops. So I of course had bubble tea every day. ​And I found some good Carrefour treats, including the first sighting of pretzels since Russia. I almost cried. Oh what am I trying to hide, obviously I cried.

​I also made good use of the kitchen and made a smoothie with watermelon and cucumber I bought. The watermelon in China is wonderful; the raw leafy greens in the produce section, not so much, so I stuck to something I could peel the gross off of. 

​Even better, I froze a bunch of bananas in order to make banana whip in the food processor. I used the only vegan soy milk I’ve found so far in all of China (so f-ing weird, stop adding milk powder to your soy milk!) and a lot of peanut butter, and it was perfection! I haven’t been able to find vegan ice cream in months so this was the biggest treat. 

​Okay that’s enough about the hotel. Oh no I must share I took a bubble bath for the first time in like a decade at least and watched HBO in the tub during it. Okay now I’m done. I know what you’re here for, and it’s not to watch me cry as I reminisce about this amazing hotel that aside from some weird pipe smells was the best ever.
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You’re here for pandas. 

The #1 thing to do in Chengdu is to visit the panda sanctuary, the Chengdu Research Base of Giant Panda Breeding. It’s only about a half hour ride outside the city, and there are public buses that go there but a taxi (using the meter) cost us only 48 RMB or something like that, which is like $7. The place opens at 8:30am, I think, and you are supposed to go early so you see them playing instead of sleeping, which they do when it’s too hot in the afternoon. We left the hotel before 7:30, and it was pretty hopping at 8am. Definitely don’t wait any longer to arrive, because hour by hour you could actually feel the crowds increasing. By the time we left, it still wasn’t even noon but the pathways were crammed. 

The insane crowds – full of pushing and shoving and knocking your camera away so they could put theirs in front of your face for the better view that you actually waited for – were the worst part, and we were super frustrated and upset about them. But I’m sharing that negative bit first because aside from that (that’s all of China, really), this was amazing! I SAW PANDAS! They were PLAYING with each other and fake-fighting like doggies do and it was the cutest! We saw giant panda adults, giant panda cubs, newborns, red pandas of all sizes. All were amazing. 

​The grounds are enormous, and once you enter after buying tickets (which were less than we thought considering it’s the #1 thing (but I don’t remember exactly sorry)) you’ll see a very long line for a little golf-cartish bus that will shuttle people up towards the panda habitats. This is great for people who are less mobile, but if you have no problem walking all morning, it’s much better to walk everywhere and choose your own adventure. There are signs everywhere saying ‘this way to the giant adult pandas #1a, this way to 1b, this way to 2nd, this way to the red panda A, this way to red panda Z4’ – the labeling of the various areas is very confusing and without explanation (I guess this is where privately hired guides can help navigate), but I think we just followed our hearts and saw all of them in a random order depending on what felt right. And we had SUCH good luck! We saw these three adults playing in one B section. Well two are playing, the third is just chilling nearby and making a total ‘guys, let me be, alright?’ face.

​One giant panda was HILARIOUS, laying down while he ate all his sticks of bamboo with the biggest smile on his face. I mean, of course he was smiling, he was eating his favorite food while laying down. It doesn’t get better. 

​We also walked to the red panda habitats and were OBSESSED. They were so flipping cute. We so lucked out and arrived at the same time as a staff member there to feed them (about 9:30, I think). She opened the gate and went into the woods area with a bucket of squash and apples (they eat like me!). One skittish reddy ran into the woods, scared of her I guess (poor little thing!), but the others were PUMPED for food and ran over. So pumped, in fact, that this amazing little guy stood up to say to her hurry up and gimme my food!

And all the others!

​After we walked for hours to all the various habitats, we happened upon an extremely long line. Oh wow it was so long. Z got in it while I searched for a toilet – it was kind of far, and that long was just as long as the other one, of course, because no one designs a women’s bathroom adequately anywhere in the world. When we finally made it through the attraction line, we saw that it was for the ‘mother and panda’ nursey or something. We were shuffled through single file (that was quite the experience; Chinese people do not do single file willingly and I had to yell at SO MANY PEOPLE) past nursery windows, one of which had the tiniest baby panda in an incubator. 

So, it was at this point in our experience that I suddenly thought, is this place actually a zoo? Or at least, zoo-like? Considering that thousands of people per day were staring at this baby, and getting kind of close to all these animals, it seemed very zooey and not the good Deschanel kind. Sure the pandas had tons of room and seemingly endless woods, no cages or confines that we could see, but still, all these people staring…it feels weird. I realized I did not do enough research into this. The institute mostly bills itself as for preservation and conservation of the endangered pandas, and a place to get them to breed more, but still I don’t really know for sure. I tried looking into it and found positive information about how it’s really the top institute for saving the pandas from extinction and trying to increase their numbers in the face of that. But, it’s hard to tell whether that is truth or whether it is government controlled propaganda. I think, overall, the pandas are well taken care of, and they are in trouble and this place helps to protect and preserve them, so I really hope it’s true. If anyone knows more please let me know. 

​Accepting that I went, though, it was the best ever. I loved seeing the pandas acting like total adorable goofballs as they played with their friends. Like I said, they seem well taken care of and not in enclosed spaces, but I think it would be beneficial (to all) if they had timed entry to thin out the crowds. It can’t feel normal to have that many people staring at you. But yes, I was one of them. I smiled at them though! I didn’t shout like others! Okay that’s no excuse. But look how cute. 

​The best thing about the pandas is, well it’s seeing them and it’s amazing oh my god. The next best nonrelated thing is that if you go when you’re supposed to, you miss the insane afternoon crowds and you are done with the #1 activity in Chengdu before noon that day! So we had a whole afternoon of swimming and sauna and HBO and laying on pillows. It was the best day. 

​What else did we do in Chengdu besides see the pandas and be complete lazybones with the cleanest clothes? We Sichuan fooded so damn hard! HappyCow was full of great-sounding places, so many in fact that we didn’t even make a dent in the list. First, we tried the Yusuge Garden Vegan Vegetarian Restaurant that was only a 20 minute walk from our hotel (and through a very popular area that had bubble tea shops and smoothie places and crazy looking street food stalls on every single block). It was another all-vegan buffet that was stupid cheap (36 rmb, or just over $5). It’s located on the fourth floor of a building across from the big Kowloon Plaza. The food wasn’t as fantastic as some other buffets, but it was better than some others, so definitely of decent quality. The selection was more limited with maybe 15 dishes, but that’s still a lot of food when you can eat everything! (Except the bitter melon rounds. Bitter melon is GROSS!) It wasn’t mind-blowing but it was still RG! 

Above is part of the dessert-y section. On the left side is an interesting sticky rice thing with lots of steamed pumpkin on it. The pumpkin should have been flavored or sweetened at least, but still interesting. But the big winner here is that they had little CUPCAKES! Do you see on the far right?! The cake was fine but the icing was AMAZING. Oh man. (I put one in my bag for later shhh.)

One day we ventured down south for a long walk through the city and saw Sichuan University, the very generic name of which made us make constant jokes about Bovine University. We ate at a vegetarian place nearby.

​Lotus Vegetarian was not worth the trek, but if you are in the area, it’s good. We had a mixed bag – two lackluster dishes but two great ones. There were dumplings that were just okay, ‘assorted broccoli’ that was mostly cauliflower and came in a weird goo sauce that wasn’t good (and these were my necessary veggies! sigh), but then a fun random fake meat dish over super spicy cold cucumber (surprise veggies! thanks!), and fantastic dandan noodles, which we had been searching for forever at every vegetarian restaurant. Gotta have dandan when in Sichuan! So, two good dishes, two meh, and we finally got dandan, so overall it was a win. It’s the only thing in that area, I think, so it’s good if you’re there, but there’s better food to be had elsewhere in Chengdu. 

​Like my favorite restaurant in the entire city, Jujubeetree Vegetarian Lifestyle. We were shocked at how good this place was. It was sit-down and fancy looking yet not expensive like all the non-buffet vegetarian restaurants are. 

We got enough food that I had leftovers (yayyy for a fridge and the ability to reheat!) and I went back another day for a shitload of takeout (yay again for the same things!).  We had the bean curd and vegetable salad, which was beautiful. The taste was mild but with a bit of the Sichuan numbing pepper, plus peanuts. It was refreshing, with raw carrots and sprouts and various shredded green things. So good. 

​I also got – you already guessed, didn’t you? Because if it’s on the menu when I’m traveling in places where it’s not common, I get it even if I don’t want it. But I always want it! Anyway I’m obviously talking about a green salad, this time with carrots, tomatoes, radish, quinoa (vegetarian restaurant salads are the only places we’ve seen quinoa in the whole country), and really good strips of cooked pumpkin, in a delicious dressing. It was ENORMOUS too, so I was so happy. 

​Because the salad was so big, I got to take most of the other dishes home for the next day (yebop!!!). My main dish was astounding. Reviews online told me to get the pepper steak, or the sweet and sour rib dish, but neither was calling to me. Instead, I pointed to a menu entry that said ‘bean curd pudding and meatballs’. I mean. I don’t know WHY ON EARTH I would order something that sounded so revolting, but some force took hold of my finger when the waiter arrived and moved it Ouija board style over that item and made me say ‘and this.’ Well, whatever Chinese magic that was, I need more of it in my life, because this dish was one of the best I had in China.

It was a GIGANTIC pot of chili oil-soupy goodness over an open flame with incredible-textured meatballs, lots of various mushrooms, green peppers, red peppers, and pillows of soft homemade tofu, like dumplings of tofu that had been cooked in the simmering broth. It was EPIC. We were both shocked by how great it was. I mean, that name! No way! Everything was super spicy, just like we wanted, and this was the spiciest of all. Erma. So incredible. 

We also needed a dumpling style dish because they were on the menu and I was there, and we eagerly decided on a variation on our theme – because this menu had WONTONS. I don’t really know what the difference is between wontons and dumplings except that wontons seem to have a little more skin folded around it (gentiles?) but who cares, these were incredible. They were filled with mushroom and cabbage and came in a bowl of chili oil (as usual!) and we were fighting over the last one. So good!!

​Lastly we ordered the char siu pastry, which I’ve never had because it is usually filled with a pulled pork kind of thing, but yay for a vegetarian version! The pork filling was good, kind of sweet and it was clearly meant as a dessert version because it came out after everything else. I would have preferred a more savory version because I don’t really like flaky, buttery crust pastries (I know I know) but I could still tell that this was a quality dish and luckily Z is not crazy and enjoys delicious things. 

​We obviously went back, one afternoon when we were in the area, and I got even more food to take home (home, sigh, it was like a home). I did get that recommended pepper steak, which was good, but cost twice as much as the other mains, which I don’t understand, and the only veggies inside were red and green peppers, which I don’t love, and big chunks of them, so there was no way of hiding the taste with other stuff in the same bite. The actual steak was great though, with a really impressive pull-apart layered texture. 

​ I got an order of sword beans, which I love, like slightly fatter green beans in a strong sauce, but not spicy – like the only non-spicy thing we ate all week, so it was like a delicious palate cleanser. They had bits of fried all over that was so good. I don’t know fried what, just fried. 

I also got a huge order of this amazing sauteed cauliflower that we’ve seen and eaten all over China (this is how you do cauliflower!) that came with ‘streaky pork’, which I thought was a typo on ‘steaky’ because I don’t know meat things but Z said they mean it to be like bacon-ish. It was a delicious dish. 

​But the last one was my favorite, and I think it was my favorite noodle dish in all of China, which is a huuuuge thing to say. It was ‘double color spinach juice noodles’, so the noodles were green I guess from spinach juice! Immediately I’m onboard. They were covered in a spicy meaty sauce kind of like a Sichuan bolognese and then a milder but even more delicious lighter creamier sauce. It was incredible. These may have been the restaurant’s take on dandan, I can’t really tell, but it was amazing. Oh man I wish I could have more of these. 

​Aside from all this vegetarian Sichuan food, we had an obligatory ah-I’m-so-sick-of-Chinese-food moment one afternoon and chanced upon an incredible hole-in-the-wall Mexican place that was actually better than any Mexican food there is in London. I KNOW! It was called Good Good Mexican Grill and it was good good and there were non-Chinese people running it, which makes sense. Z had a quesadilla that he said was awesome and we shared these nachos and guacamole. GUAC GUYS.

​One day in search of our bank, we took a nice stroll along the river. It was great to have almost no one around us for a change. 

As usual, we saw some great signage, like this dental clinic. 

One of my favorite things is that we keep seeing shops that apparently want to be New Balance shops, but…aren’t. 

Also this sounds like the worst art gallery EVER:

One night on the subway I saw a girl in a t-shirt that read “If I was a bird, I’d know who to shit on.” I MEAN. AMAZING. 

​So, yes, we mainly used our time in Chengdu to eat and laze around our amazing digs. And we saw pandas. It was the best week. 

​After our lovely time in Chengdu, I said a tearful goodbye to the Fraser Suites and we headed towards Xi’an for four days. We knew we had to see the Terra Cotta Warriors, and we were super excited for a change of pace foodwise. Xi’an is in a section of China that is heavily Muslim, so there would be mosques to see instead of Buddhist temples, and the city has a famous food stall market in the Muslim Quarter that was supposed to be amazing. And it was, although the rest of our time there left us a little less than thrilled. Like I’ve been saying for a month now, we cannot get used to the lack of awareness for other people – the pushing, the walking into others and having no one bat an eye. It’s not like Chinese people are trying to be rude or pushy or anything! It just is. Like we watched a woman on her phone walk straight into another person and neither of them flinched. We are definitely the weird ones here being like WHY ARE YOU PUSHING ME and we will never get used to that! 

Aside from that though, I guess we enjoyed our time in Xi’an. To get there, we got on – you know it – another sleeper train. It was PRAISE BUDDHA cleaner and slightly nicer than the last few have been! It was still a K train, so the same style and overall look, but our bags actually fit under the bunks, the sheets weren’t noticeably stained with the residue of Other People, the sink drained into a pipe and not onto the floor, and there was actually soap in there! Also, the strangers we shared with were fine. There was one lady who stayed in the hallway the entire time until sleepytime, and then there was an older couple sitting on the other bottom bunk until the man went to sleep in another room. I was nervous that they were gonna be sharing the bed (as we’ve heard some couples do to skirt buying two tickets) and we’d have 3 adults with us but luckily that wasn’t the case. And luckily, it was the man who left us, because a) it’s always better to room with women (sorry it is true from all these months of train travel), and VERY MUCH BECAUSE b) the man was farting all evening. It was SO BAD! Old man farts! I had to wear my mask it was nauseating. His farts were worse than smoke oh my god it was atrocious. When it was apparent that he was the one leaving us we finally breathed out of our noses and shouted BYE FARTY DON’T LET THE DOOR HIT YOU IN THE ASS OR MORE FARTS MIGHT COME OUT. 

​We got to Xi’an and headed to our hostel, the Seetang Youth Hostel. Um, our room didn’t have windows. That’s not good. Well, it did have one piece of wall that opened, but it opened into the hallway, which does not count as a window and also WHO would use that and let strangers look at them in bed? Weirdest. The walls were extremely thin, and we heard all the usual hostel noise – people shouting at all hours, people listening to music at all hours, people stomping about like they are trying to break through the floors. It was loud, is what I’m saying. And people were smoking everywhere! I asked the main staffer if smoking was allowed everywhere and she looked horrified and said no but guess who did nothing about the rampant smoking everywhere, that’s right she and the rest of her staff. Blargh. She also said they had laundry on ‘the fifth floor’ and I spent a long while searching the big building for stairs that led anywhere to a fifth floor but couldn’t find it. We later learned that the fifth floor was actually THE ROOF. I did not do laundry. 

The bed and bathroom were fine at least and relatively clean, so it was overall fine. The turn right before it was a trash alley so that stunk (lolol) to have to walk that every time we came and went. But was good to stay in a place we didn’t want to actually stay in all day I GUESS. So we did more in Xi’an than we did in Chengdu – which also means we were out in the crowds most of the time. By now, we have zero patience left. We’ve been in China for a month, with more to go, and we are soooo done with the pushing and shoving and lack of regard for anyone else’s personal space or even person. A small boy jumped off a ledge and landed ON Z’S LEGS. Like a monkey. Z was like WHAT THE F IS HAPPENING and the boy just ran off like it was nothing. I CANNOT. 

We arrived in Xi’an covered in sleeper train residue and ready to eat some good Muslim food. We took a taxi to the hostel (it was easier than navigating the subway or buses in our state), which caused us a great deal of anguish as all taxi rides here have. Every time, the driver either yells at us in Chinese or overcharges us or does some miscellaneous stupidness that we can’t do anything about and it’s so frustrating. But anyway. We got to the Seetang, showered in the windowless room, and went out in search of food. Our hostel was about 10 or 15 minutes walk from a big mall, which is always promising, and we found exactly what we wanted on the top floor – a food court! Now, Chinese mall food courts are unnecessarily complicated affairs. In Bangkok, I remember we had to purchase little credit card type things in advance and put a certain amount of money on them and then go to the different vendors for food and pay with the card. It was a little complicated, but it was clearly laid out and we figured it out. In China, a lot of food courts do similar things as far as prepaying goes, but they make no sense. No signs, no visible station or person selling the cards or even just taking money. It’s all very confusing, and no one is willing to work with us by using nonverbal communication to try to figure it out. NO ONE POINTS. We try to use clearcut hand signals while trying to say Chinese words and 100% of the time Chinese people will just continue to shout at us in Chinese with no attempt at meeting us halfway, or even 10%. Seriously, how do Italians stand being in China? NO one will use their hands. For instance, like with numbers. If we ask if there are 1 or 2 of something, it’s pretty easy to guess what we are getting at using our hands, and very easy to give the correct answer. But instead, they will just say the Chinese word for 1 or 2. Ahhh. 

Anyway, I was getting very hangry and had just pointed to some vegetables in the food court and they wouldn’t let me pay because I had to have paid beforehand (not a card thing, just paying a random lady in advance). HOW DO YOU PAY BEFORE YOU KNOW WHAT YOU WANT OR CAN EVEN GET. FFS I hate stupid systems. Luckily someone took money out of my hand and walked to another end of the hall to a random woman behind a counter just like all of them, and then came back with my change and a receipt?? How was I supposed to figure any of that out? Oh China why do you HATE ME. 

​Luckily, they had easily identifiable bowls of vegetables and I ate them and it was okay in the end. 

Next door to the food court was a Coco Bubble Tea so I was happy!

​The mall of course rewarded our struggles with some nice signage:

​After eating, we walked around town and saw the Bell Tower and the Drum Tower, the two big sights of the city center that are nicely visible from most of the city center. We visited them both another day (and walked around them 10x every day), and I like that they face each other across a little expanse of crazy busy city, like two pillars in the face of modernity, amid the chaos. 

So, the Bell Tower is smack in the center of everything – on like an impenetrable traffic island surrounded by the main roads and separating everything important from each other. Meaning, to cross the main roads in the very center of things (which we did 100x a day), you have to go underground and use this enormous underpass circle of hell. It was always packed and hot and loud and PACKED DID I SAY PACKED and just kind of annoying to have to go up and down, up and down (I will lead them up and down, I am feared in field and town…can’t help it) all the time and around and around. One bend of this circle of hell is the metro station, one is the exit to our favorite little street that led to the Muslim Quarter/Market, and one is the Bell Tower ticket window and entrance, which at all times of day and night had a super long line of tourists waiting to buy tickets. BIGGEST TIP FOR VISITING: Go to the Drum Tower first, because you can buy combined tickets for both towers there, and thus can skip the crazy underground line for the Bell Tower. The crowds inside both actually seemed the same, yet the line at the DrumT was maybe 3 people long, so I guess the ticket sellers and takers at the DrumT are just more efficient than the BellT. We felt like SUCH BADASSES walking past that endless line of Chinese domestic tourists at the BellT and flashing our combined tickets and just strolling right through. 

​Both towers date from the 14th century but were renovated or reconstructed in different subsequent centuries. The Bell Tower would ring its bell at dawn, and the Drum Tower would beat out dat rhythm on its drums to mark dusk. Cute. I like the Drum Tower more, maybe because it was coverd with drums, LIKE IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE, while the Bell Tower had ONE MEASLY BELL. 

​I liked these sites though because they were quick and easy to navigate, leaving ample time for more important things – exploring the Market food and getting sooo many fun drinks. Okay, we will save all that for the end because it’s the best part. 

​Another day, we took the metro (again, completely identical to every Chinese city’s metro) to the Big Goose Pagoda, also known as the Wild Giant Goose Pagoda, also called (by me) the HEHE GOOSES Pagoda. We went on the hottest day, and it was a 30-40 minute walk from the nearest subway station so it was rough (there’s actually a station literally on its grounds, but google maps didn’t know about it you stupid pos I hate you I HATE YOU). The pagoda is apparently Xi’an’s most famous landmark, which seems like b.s. to me but that’s probably because of the crowd. It was bad, guys. See there’s a lot of shit happening at this pagoda. First of all, it’s another of those double ticket ordeals – you buy a ticket to the grounds and then find out it doesn’t include the pagoda. When you walk a little more, there’s another ticket office for the pagoda itself. i hate that b.s. No one is entering these little bits of grounds and not going to the pagoda. It puts me in a horrid mood. Anyway, fine, two tickets needed, got it. But no. In all of China, there’s been preeeeetty decent set ups for tourist sites with stairs specifically for going up and then another set for going down, to help the crowd flow. Even at the Bell and Drum Towers they had this. But the Pagoda was the first place I can remember that not only didn’t, but only had one teeny tiny thin winding stairway AND didn’t control the flow of guests. So we climbed up seven floors with the worst of humanity. There were children pushing through legs with their parents doing nothing to stop them; men pushing you from behind to what, make you go faster?; and overall just horribly behaved people. It was terrifying and terrible, trying to climb these stairs. It was also very hot, 98 degrees outside, and at least 15 degrees hotter in this unventilated narrow building. As you may have guessed, it was not my favorite visit. 

​I liked that the pagoda, from the 7th century, is situated among all these modern office buildings, but you can see that from outside. Inside the only benefit was exercise. There was nothing else going for it. 

​A site we absolutely loved was the Great Mosque, hidden behind the crazy busy Muslim Quarter’s Market. It’s very centrally located and yet provides a drastic change to the chaos outside its walls – it provides calm and peace. It’s a beautiful mosque, mixing Islamic traditions with Chinese architecture to make a very interesting and pleasant space. The Muslims working there and praying there made us feel very welcome, smiling at us and shaking Z’s hand. It was a necessary respite from the craziness of the city and was really beautiful. It felt nice to visit this sacred spot before eating ALL OF THEIR FOOD outside in the market. 

​And, before we get to that part, we of course have to talk about the #1 thing to do in Xi’an – visit the Army of Terra Cotta Warriors. You know these guys, you’ve seen pictures. Honestly, the pictures are better. The TCW is the biggest shitshow in all of China. Everything else that I’ve said is ‘so crowded and so pushy and so demoralizing’ PALES in comparison to this situation (except the Big Goose Pagoda in the height of summer; that was indeed shit). People push and walk into you with no regard for any of your space even between your toes just RAM right into you no matter where you are. 

​Anyway. To get there, we walked 45 minutes to the train station to get a bus for 8 yuan that goes to the site. Even though the bus has ‘terra cotta warriors’ painted on the side, it still made some stops along the way. The book and the lady who directed us onboard said it just took an hour but because of the stops and stuff it was closer to an hour and a half. Okay, fine. But noooo. This POS bus driver dropped us down the road from the entrance, and across the street. And not some suburban little road either, oh no, it was a highway. That we had to walk along and cross. WTF, STUPID F-ING BUS. I’m still livid at them. Other buses were clearly dropping off at the entrance. We crossed with the rest of the passengers for safety in numbers but it was still ridiculous and terrifying. Finally we go inside, and we can’t find any signs for ticket office. We see endless rows of stalls and kiosks selling food and crappy crap and drinks and lanterns and string and stuff and NO TICKET OFFICE. We walked for more than 20 minutes and finally saw a sign for the ticket office. Inside that building was a long line, and tickets cost 150 yuan, around $23 each. After you exit with tickets, you walk ANOTHER 20 minutes through a maze and a park to the actual site. By this point we had cursed more than we ever had in our lives. There are several buildings on the grounds – all poorly signed, of course, and nothing in English. We figured out from a map which buildings were Pits 1, 2, and 3, the main things to see. This of course after we went in a building that was a worthless small museum. Most people do the pits in order, but DON’T. It will make everything even worse. We did 2-3-1 and I recommend that, or do 3-2-1, but whatever you do, save Pit 1 for last. It’s the only one that’s actually cool. Pit 2 is the most boring, with most of it just surrounding an excavation site that is mostly sand with nothing to show for it really. Pit 3 is slightly less boring, with a few things actually visible. Pit 3 seems to be the army headquarters, and many of the greatest warrior finds are army officers, generals and such, who are encased in glass around the perimeter. Pit 1 is where the real Army is. Pit 1 is the best, but it is the pits in terms of crowds and pushing. I’m sorry I’m such a broken record so here are pictures. 

​It was definitely the right choice to do it in this order, to be able to end on a high note. Well, on a Middle C, considering how…underwhelming it all is. The warriors are scattered in different pits and rarely can you catch a glimpse through the throngs of people where they actually look as cool as they do in pictures. Okay, don’t get me wrong, I sound ridiculous, I know. It is a VERY AWESOME architectural site, it’s just that it has been hyped beyond what it actually is. If you haven’t seen pictures taken from just the perfect spot to make it look like it goes on forever with intricate statues, then you will be impressed. Or, hey, if you just DON’T GO IN THE SUMMER, you’ll have a better experience (honestly if you go any place in China NOT in summer, you’ll have a better experience than I did in said place). 

​There aren’t really signs explaining what’s even going on – I didn’t see any in Chinese either, but people could have been blocking them – so I learned from our guidebook. The Warriors are more than 2000 years old, and there are thousands of them, still being excavated. They stand as guardians to the tomb of Qin Shi Huang (his actual tomb is illegal to visit), China’s first unifier. They were only discovered in the 1970s, which must have turned the world upside down. 

I know you are probably shaking your head at me like ‘girl do you just complain about everything, this site is amazing’ and it really is, it’s just that a) if it wasn’t hyped to high heaven it would have been more enjoyable and really b) if we didn’t have to fight tooth and nail to get a look at any of it, I’m sure we would have loved it. CHINA IN SUMMER IS NO JOKE. There’s a reason they tell westerners not to go now. OH OH AND C) if the grounds were designed as a labyrinth meant to claim 90% of visitors as victims to its non-navigable twist and turns and impasses and OMG JUST HAVE SIGNS AND NOT AN HOUR OF BULLSHIT TO GET TO THE TICKETS. 

Getting back to town was even worse. 

There were no signs ANYWHERE for buses. We walked for ages through a maze of parking lots and random buildings and kiosks – still on the grounds – before we found signs for buses. They went to Xi’an North Station, which is quite far from the downtown and isn’t the main station. All we finally saw for the main station – for getting freaking to the city from this huge site – was a hand-written piece of printer paper taped to a pole that said ‘Xi’an Station’. So we followed the arrow drawn on it to the street and found a lady who said ‘Xi’an?’ We said yes and she dragged us onto a PACKED bus, with no seats. We said nah we will wait for the next one. Then that bus pulled ahead and stopped a bit farther along the curb, and she yelled go go go! and forced us to get on the same exact bus! The three of us were in the aisle trying to figure out if maybe there were seats and then before we could get off because there weren’t, it was too late! Ahhh we were freaking out. The crazy lady – who was ALSO onboard now – starting pulling random kids out of seats and putting them elsewhere, like putting 3 kids in 2 seats, to make seats for us. And we couldn’t tell her to stop so it was just soo embarrassing. And then it cost 10 yuan instead of 8! I was so mad about it all but then it got us back faster than the bus there so whatever. Oh what a mess EVERYTHING we try to do here is! 

OK. FOOD TIME. 

This is where I LOVED Xi’an. We went to a few restaurants but mostly ate at the Muslim Quarter market, which was sooo much fun. First, I’ll share the good food we had at Ding Ding Xiang restaurant, a recommendation from our guide book that had good food. A man started smoking and we complained to a waitress, and instead of stopping it, she brought him a bowl to use as an ashtray. Oh ffs, China. We moved upstairs (so many restaurants have so many empty floors) and they protested no don’t go up there! but we were like, we’re either sitting away from the man you’re allowing to smoke in here or we are leaving. So they relented and luckily the food was good. I couldn’t walk away from a place that actually had vegetables! So hard to find in these parts. 

From above, we had sauteed sesame spinach, sword beans and roasted eggplant, and cabbage with tofu. All of it was so good! There was a lot of food too, so we brought leftovers back to the hostel fridge for the next day (which was a travel day, so this was necessary). Unfortunately, the shitty Seetang staff didn’t know how to open the room with the fridge when we left the next morning so we lost our leftovers. SO SAD. God customer service here is abysmal. But the food is good! 

I also found good vegetables at what we think was Muslim Family Restaurant, part of the Muslim Quarter but a sit-down place instead of only stalls on the street. (They had a kebab counter out front as part of that.) They had a salad bar type set up of veggie dishes, and it was a little hard at first to communicate that that’s all I wanted, and then we learned to ask them for ‘side dishes’ and it was clear! I just pointed to which of the 8 or so dishes I wanted on my plate and it cost like 15 yuan. It was all fine and I went several times to find veggies because there were none in the market. 
​

And then we went to the Muslim Quarter market literally every day at least once, for breakfast fruit and fresh juices, for fun tofu and potato things and endless noodles, and for dessert and incredible fresh coconut milk at night. I’m gonna share a lot of pictures now of everything amazing we ate. 

One thing you can count on finding every few seconds is a potato-based stall and a tofu-based stall. I had 3 different amazing kinds of street tofu and they were all excellent, and they all cost 10 yuan each (like $1.50?) for a big cup of it. We also really enjoyed these street potatoes – they were super hot and super spicy but really incredible. 

The market is also a world-class location for eating carbs. We had noodles! We had bread! Then we had more noodles! And more bread! Luckily, Xi’an famous noodle dishes are often just the sesame noodle variety, so they will be vegan. The noodle stalls that will add meat are easy to clearly see since you watch everyone make your food. 

But my favorite part had to be all the incredible fresh fruit and the juices juiced from them. Oh man, the fruit in China has been amazing and the market was overflowing with it. I especially loved the cup of fresh jackfruit! In the mad takeover of the cooked-jackfruit-tastes-like-pulled-pork discovery in the vegan world, I’d forgotten that the fruit itself is so good. And pomegranates! Sooo much pomegranate abounded everywhere we looked it was glorrrrious. 

For the first time, there were actually vegan options for dessert! First up is this glutinous rice patty on a stick that is dipped in tamarind paste and/or other jams (there’s an assortment if you want to dip) and crushed nuts. Pretty good! Although it is kind of bland in the center (it’s a lot of rice!) so I recommend covering it in as much crap as possible. There’s a lot of glutinous rice stuff around, including a big yellow cake-looking thing that is cut into slices – these are literally every 5 seconds around the city center. Fortunately, it’s just more glutinous rice with a slight covering of slightly sweet osmanthus paste (that’s a fruit? I think? that is huge here?), so it is vegan, but unfortunately, it’s just a big slab of unsweetened glutinous rice so is not at all worth it. 

Next is the thing I’m prettttty sure is vegan – the persimmon donuts. We showed one of the ladies making them the words for ‘egg’ and ‘milk’ and asked if they were in them, and she shook her head no, and clearly understood, so I am kiiiind of confident that that was the truth. The ones pictured at the pretty stall below are the best ones, with three different fillings – a tamarindish one, a peanutty one, and a maybe jaggery? Who even knows. The consistency is very much like mashed sweet potato, not a bread-y donut, which made me feel better about the possibility of it being vegan. They were really good, especially hot, and especially if you get a lot of the filling in yours. 

But maybe the very best thing in the whole market is the fresh coconut milk. Erma p, it was SOOO DELICIOUS! More delicious than the So Delicious brand! Oh man I wish I could get one now. 

Honestly the food in Xi’an was the best part of our time in the city! I really had no idea until Jojo at veganinbrighton told me! I’d been worrying about finding anything at all and she was like, um, dude. I never would have thought the food would be so fun and the thing I was most excited for – the Terra Cotta Warriors – would be simply good and not amazing. 

I leave you, as usual, with amazingly ridiculous things we saw around Xi’an, including restaurant names, song lyrics as a store name, and the weirdest thing in any Apple store ever in the history of the world.