"The Twilight Zone" at London's Almeida Theatre: Creepy Humans Are Creepy (and...Moving?)by Randi / January 11, 2018
After our time in Khiva, we decided to stop in the tiny town of Nukus, Uzbekistan for one purpose: to see its art museum. Now, you might be wondering what kind of art a museum in the middle of nowhere might have to bring a person so out of their way. A rare Picasso? A beautiful Monet? (I know only the most famous artmakers apparently.) You crazy if you thought that; this is the middle of nowhere Uzbekistan. No, the Nukus Museum of Art houses the second largest collection of Russian avant-garde art in the world. I know it doesn’t sound great, but it’s a very cool thing and I’ll tell you why.
So once upon a time there was this man Igor Savitsky (“accordion genius, plays weddings at 7-years-old” anyone?), who was a Russian painter and archaeologist. Igor visited the Karakalpakstan region of Uzbekistan (where Nukus is located) in 1950, and somehow was like hey this place rocks/is dust I’m gonna stay. He moved to Nukus and started collecting all kinds of crap. After he amassed quite a collection of jewelry and artifacts and carpets and such, he convinced the place that they needed a museum to house all of it. They were like why don’t you keep all your crap in your attic like normal people and he was like just trust me on this and they were like I guess man. So the authorities established a museum and made Igor the curator, and once he had that sweet sweet position locked down, he started focusing on collecting the art of Central Asian artists and those whose work had been banned in the Soviet Union under Stalin. Igor specifically directed his efforts at finding these artists and displaying them in his museum in order to give them the representation and acclaim they never got to enjoy because Stalin was such a buzzkill at art too. Because the museum houses such politically important work, and so much of it (only St. Petersburg has a larger collection of Russian avant-garde), the Nukus Museum of Art – actually called “The State Art Museum of the Republic of Karakalpakstan, named after I.V. Savitsky” (yes the ‘named after’ is part of the full legit name omg) (and then also like is it named after him or not because it looks like the real name is The State Art Museum of the R of K right and if it was actually named after him it would be The Savitsky Museum am I right like you can’t just say ‘named after’ if it’s not actually named after??? how do words work) – has become a must-see attraction for tourists in Uzbekistan. And that is why we went.
the view from our car
To get there from Khiva, though, there’s not really good transit. We had to hire another car and driver through Sultan at Avantour tour company. He told us that the ride would take about 4-5 hours. So on our last morning in Khiva, we woke up at 6am, planning to leave about 7am, arrive in Nukus by noon, have lunch, and then have a few hours in the museum before our train that evening. Ahem. We left at 7am and got there at 9:45. JFC I could have slept for two more hours. JFC even more, we had to WAIT for the museum to open! Man alive. I guess it’s better than being in a car for longer but like come on guys get your facts straight. He didn’t even speed.
Our driver dropped us at the Nukus train station, where we stored our bags. The people looked at us like wtf are you guys doing here there is not a train until tonight (one train town) and we were like hayyy please don’t steal our stuffff. They didn’t give a receipt or anything for the bags but they said (without using words) ‘we’ll know this was yours, nerdy white people’. Then we went to the museum and it was pretty interesting. I thought it would be more political art, like on its face, but it was more regular art but by people who challenged authority. Or maybe it was challenging authority for its time, but nowadays we are used to much more blatant opposition and much more in-your-face offense so I couldn’t tell that these works were crossing a line since we are so far past where that line was 50 years ago. The line is a dot to you.
Pictures weren’t allowed in the museum and I don’t break worthwhile rules, so if you want to see some of the works on display you’ll have to go to Uzbekistan HA HA ARE YOU? There were guard ladies who were supes annoying, following us around the whole time. I didn’t notice if they followed others too but it was really uncomfortable. Maybe they chose us because we were the youngest and yoots usually cause trouble? There were lots of other visitors to the museum (a surprising fact, considering I thought we were the only people in the whole town) but they were all older and mostly in big tour groups. Anyway it was a pretty good museum, but oh my god we were so tired. This trip was catching up with us and we were getting a little delirious. We were still able to appreciate all the interesting art, but I was just laughing the entire time (not appropriate) as I do when I’m overtired.
The museum is actually in two buildings (second largest collection n the world and all that) and you have to check your bags, even wee purses, which is kind of lame. So much art!
After all the art, we walked around trying to find food. This was hard because Nukus is a tiny little desert town and there was not much happening. We passed a few important-looking buildings but no one was around for us to ask what they were, and I tried googling but to no avail. I’ll share the pictures of said buildings with you so you can also wonder forever what they are (or be better than I am at googling).
And yes I did try googling ‘jaslar awqami’ but it’s not helpful. you go look at all the stuff that comes up. I hope it just means public pool because awqami sounds like aqua-me. and also it would be hilarious if this super official nicest building for hundos of miles was just a pool with a capital p that rhymes with g that stands for go like let’s gooooo
Finally we found a place that sold non-fast food that was open. This very random Uzbek restaurant with a separate small Korean food menu (?) was called Sheraton but was unrelated to the hotel chain. It was full of those older tourists we saw earlier, I guess because it was ostensibly the only decent restaurant open. I was so excited to see that the menu had a variety of vegetable dishes! Also, one was translated as Pine Forest, which was the name of my camp, so that seemed like a good sign.
Unfortunately, most of the salads were dairy-based and/or covered in mayo, but I found one that seemed safe for vegans, translating roughly as garlic and greens. I was so excited to get what I expected was a plate of garlicky sauteed greens. I hadn’t had greens cooked like that in so long! I was so pumped.
My phone notes from this travel day literally just say ‘this country is complete bullshit’
Alas.
It was literally a plate of raw garlic, raw UNCUT spring onions, and lots of herbs. Oh and plus green bell pepper, the one vegetable I hate. COME ON UNIVERSE. I guess it was a companion piece to one of the Korean stews or something but like y’all should have SAID SOMETHING.
Sigh. What a disappointment. We had hours left before our train, to wander around and see all the sights (no more sights) and buy water for our 3 day train train (we’ll talk about that next post), so we wandered. It was very hot and dry and dusty, and the main road was destroyed with ongoing construction (as we expect everywhere in this country), so it was kind of harrowing to walk down it when like, suddenly there would be no more road and cars were coming. Luckily, there were lots of little convenience stores, and luckily, one had a nice babushka selling all kinds of baked goods in bulk – including hard pretzel sticks! I’d never seen pretzel sticks sold in bulk and I hadn’t seen pretzels in weeks so this was a dance dance dance moment. My pretzel babushka was the one nice person we came across in Nukus. Why is everyone there so mean? Is it because they are so bored and also had a real weird lunch?
So that was our day in Nukus! I know right. The Savitsky (I’m going for it) Museum was pretty cool and I’m glad we got to see such an important museum. But I was a little jealous of those old tourists who got off a big bus, saw the museum, and then got right back on the bus. If you go, make sure you don’t have too much time to spend wandering the town. After our too-much-time, we boarded our longest train in months – two nights from Nukus, Uzbekistan to Volgograd, Russia. It’s a doozy so look out for the next post!
Related Posts
Zagreb, Croatia: Great Food, Museums, Babies in Baskets
The first thing I felt when I landed, alone, in Zagreb, Croatia was excitement. The second was idiocy, as I was still dressed in my airplane outfit – black pants and a long-sleeved black hooded shirt – and it was hot. Luckily, the excitement won over and I began an incredible journey through the Balkans.
Zagreb is a pretty easy city for a newcomer to maneuver. After getting my luggage (one of these days I’ll do a long trip with just carry-ons, but until then…), I quickly found an ATM and a cab to take me to my hotel. I usually like to rely on public transit in foreign cities, but my Rick Steves guidebook said a taxi was the best way. After nearly 24 hours of traveling, I welcomed the opportunity to be lazy. To go from the airport to the city center costs 180-220 kuna if you aren’t getting ripped off, about $30-$40 USD.
Zagreb is a pretty easy city for a newcomer to maneuver. After getting my luggage (one of these days I’ll do a long trip with just carry-ons, but until then…), I quickly found an ATM and a cab to take me to my hotel. I usually like to rely on public transit in foreign cities, but my Rick Steves guidebook said a taxi was the best way. After nearly 24 hours of traveling, I welcomed the opportunity to be lazy. To go from the airport to the city center costs 180-220 kuna if you aren’t getting ripped off, about $30-$40 USD.
Jelacic Square
As is the case with most European cities, the first (and usually best) thing I did was stroll through the busy downtown. Once you get your bearings with the main piazza, Ban Jelačić Square, and a few main streets like Ilica and Vlaska Ulica, you’ll see how manageable the center is. Of course, if you’re me, you’ll still get turned around every 15 minutes, but still. Better than usual.
Jelačić Square is marked by a large statue of its namesake, Josip Jelačić, riding a horse. Jelačić was governor in the 1800s, and decided that Austria > Hungary and united with the Habsburg Empire against the Hungarians’ attempts to control Croatia.
Jelačić Square is marked by a large statue of its namesake, Josip Jelačić, riding a horse. Jelačić was governor in the 1800s, and decided that Austria > Hungary and united with the Habsburg Empire against the Hungarians’ attempts to control Croatia.
Look, princess, there’s a baby in a basket!
The bustling square acts as a showcase for vendors, people watching, and random things like this amazing children’s ride as part of what seemed like a makeshift Renaissance Faire, as well as the hilarious dunk tank below.
A few blocks from Jelačić Square, you’ll see a funicular that takes you a very short way up the hill to an old village. It’s actually billed as the shortest cable car ride in the world. I’ll leave it to one of you to verify that. I love funiculars almost as much as I love the word funicular, but we just missed our chance to ride it.
A few blocks from Jelačić Square, you’ll see a funicular that takes you a very short way up the hill to an old village. It’s actually billed as the shortest cable car ride in the world. I’ll leave it to one of you to verify that. I love funiculars almost as much as I love the word funicular, but we just missed our chance to ride it.
Dunk tank!
Zagreb Cathedral, Glagolitic alphabet
A visit to the Zagreb Cathedral, considered the most important Catholic church in Croatia, is necessary. Without knowing what to look for, it’s similar to the thousands (millions?) of cathedrals in Europe. But this one houses something remarkable: a wall covered in text written in the Glagolitic alphabet. Invented in the 9th century by the saints Cyril and Methodius, this alphabet was mainly used in Croatia and was the precursor to the modern Cyrillic alphabet.
Zagreb is really trying to draw in tourists!
Widely considered the most important museum in Zagreb, the Croatian Museum of Naïve Art is a lovely little gallery right up the hill from the main square (in the Gradec area). And one the way you might pass some fun natives!
Tickets cost 20 kuna ($3-4), and you can definitely take a leisurely pass through in less than 45 minutes. It comprises six small rooms of peasant art.
Tickets cost 20 kuna ($3-4), and you can definitely take a leisurely pass through in less than 45 minutes. It comprises six small rooms of peasant art.
My favorite painting from the Naive Art Museum
It’s called ‘naïve’ because the artists are technically untrained, but it doesn’t seem like it. My favorite painting featured pink cows. I bought a mouse pad of it. I don’t even use a mouse. But it’s more durable than a postcard of it and was only a few dollars. Isn’t it so cheerful?
My real favorite museum in Zagreb, however, was the Museum of Broken Relationships. You may have heard of it, as the museum has toured around the world. All of the pieces come from people whose relationships have ended, and the donors write a little explanation of the role the object played in the relationship. It can be quite sad (as the numerous wedding albums and gowns attest) but also really funny (consider the baseball bat one donor used to smash an ex’s car (I think)). I wish the funny stuff was positioned later in the exhibit instead of the sad, because I left feeling a bit down, but overall it was a great time. I highly recommend going.
The Museum of Broken Relationships is right across from the Naïve Art Museum and costs the same (20 kuna), but has much better hours, open past 10pm in the summer. I have to mention the woman who sold us our tickets. She was so friendly and excited to meet native English speakers because she had been learning English. She asked if she could test out her skills with us, and she told us a really funny joke, in great English, and was so happy! So nice.
Just up the street from the two museums is St. Mark’s church, covered with a beautiful tiled roof depicting the coat of arms of Croatia, Slovenia, and the seal of Zagreb.
One of the best things about Zagreb, especially in nice weather, is how much green space there is. There are many lovely parks where I suggest you play and picnic, especially in the Green Horseshoe, where more museums also await.
IMPORTANT TIP: Everything has bonkers hours in Croatia. Make sure you find out the correct opening and closing times for EVERYTHING. Check with the Tourist Information Center (right in the Square) to be sure. Here are some things I learned the hard way:
IMPORTANT TIP: Everything has bonkers hours in Croatia. Make sure you find out the correct opening and closing times for EVERYTHING. Check with the Tourist Information Center (right in the Square) to be sure. Here are some things I learned the hard way:
- Even on Saturday nights (maybe especially?) restaurants will close very early. If you have my luck, the restaurants you are dying to try will be closed before 7:30pm and will REJECT YOU when you arrive at 7pm unaware that shit is crazy. Most others will close by 8pm.
- Museums are usually closed on Sundays.
- The Croatian Museum of Naïve Art – the #1 museum to see in this city – is only open on Saturdays from 10am-1pm. That’s the only day I had open, but you can easily get through it in 30 minutes while still appreciating it, so do like I did and hit it when it opens so you don’t miss it.
- In July, it can be really warm and sunny and then BOOM THUNDERSTORM. I lucked out and the rain moved quickly (and I was inside), but it was really heavy.
The restaurants closing so early on Saturday nights is still making me angry, because I was turned away from Zrno, which my friend raved about, and I had no other chance to go. Luckily, Green Point, the fast food vegetarian burger joint, was still open.
READ ABOUT GREEN POINT!
READ ABOUT THE ART OF RAW, THE MOST AMAZING RAW VEGAN RESTAURANT!
READ ABOUT VEGEHOP, AN ALL VEGETARIAN RESTAURANT!
Also luckily, the street food vendors were still selling their corn on the cob. Yup, this is the most common street food we saw. Love it!
The hotel I stayed at, the Hotel President Pantovcak, was very nice. It’s at the top of a hill just northeast of the city center, a great location but a beast to walk up if you are not in great shape and/or if it’s too hot. Just fyi. The rooms were clean, and the receptionist was friendly and helpful.
The most important thing about Zagreb left to say:
Buy as much Bajadera chocolate as you can carry in the extra suitcase you packed just for this purpose. You’re welcome.
Buy as much Bajadera chocolate as you can carry in the extra suitcase you packed just for this purpose. You’re welcome.
…While you’re at it, get some Griotte cherry-filled chocolates, and a box or five of Napolitanke. Get it all. Bring me some.
Enjoy!
Madrid: It’s Pretty Awesome Even If You Don’t See Penelope & Javier
I first went to Madrid, Spain about a decade ago. During my study abroad year (in Florence), I took a whirlwind 18-hour trip to Madrid to visit one of my best friends from high school. All I had was a spare Saturday night in the middle of my insane solo spring break tour of Spain (it was insane because it was solo, not because I went clubbing in Barcelona because I didn’t) and so hopped over to Madrid for dinner with my friend, then sleep, and then a first-in-line sprint through the Prado.
This year, I visited for the second time, and luckily was able to almost triple the length of time spent in this glorious city! That is, a regular weekend. We were there for two main reasons: to see Audra McDonald in concert (can’t break my 15-year streak of seeing her live every year!) and to eat at a Michelin-starred restaurant. (The latter will come in the next post.) But Madrid is such a fun, cosmopolitan, modern city that we barely had enough time to cover the basics.
This year, I visited for the second time, and luckily was able to almost triple the length of time spent in this glorious city! That is, a regular weekend. We were there for two main reasons: to see Audra McDonald in concert (can’t break my 15-year streak of seeing her live every year!) and to eat at a Michelin-starred restaurant. (The latter will come in the next post.) But Madrid is such a fun, cosmopolitan, modern city that we barely had enough time to cover the basics.
This time, we went in the middle of winter, which in London is blah, nothing really compared to the East Coast blizzards, and so we assumed that Spain of all places would be even warmer. Well. It was not. I think it was colder than our trip to northern Sweden. Okay it probably wasn’t but it felt like it because it felt so wrong! I mean you think Spain, you think Peeny Lopay in shorts and sunglasses. Oh man it was cold. Anyway, we had a short list of must-check vegan-friendly spots, museums, and churreria. (That’s the word for a place that sells churros! We learn so much on this blog!)
First thing, I must confess that whenever I am in Spain (or around Spanish speaking people, or watching Episode 2 of ‘Community’), this is playing on a loop in my head:
First thing, I must confess that whenever I am in Spain (or around Spanish speaking people, or watching Episode 2 of ‘Community’), this is playing on a loop in my head:
(Crying.) ME LLAMO ELLIOTT! HOLA JUAN. HOLA ESTEBAN. DONDE ESTA LA BIBLIOTECA?
One of my favorite things about European cities is that almost all feature some random adorable statue or site. My favorite in Madrid is this bear statue (it’s the BEAR show!) and the bear is kissing a tree. I mean. IT’S SO CUTE. Here I am in front of it trying to open my eyes in the freezing wind. (It took a lot of shots to get one where my eyes are open. Who knew I’d need ski goggles in España.) Apparently this statue is the most famous symbol of Madrid! Didn’t know! Cool! It’s called El Oso y El Madroño (The Bear & the Strawberry Tree), and the bear is actually eating the strawberries, not kissing the tree, but I like my interpretation better because I am a treehugger. Cute little bear! You can find this statue at Puerta de Sol. Ha yeah right. Sol.
I was delighted to see a poster for a demonstration against the use of animals in the circus — I think I’m reading that correctly. Unfortunately, it was more than a month past, but cool! Good job Madrid animal activists!
Now, everyone will tell you to go to the Prado Museum when you are in Madrid. I am okay with that. The Prado is a very nice museum with very important arts. However, I’m pretty sure you should stop there. The Reina Sofia made me angry. With a name like that, I expected refined arts, but it was more like insane modern arts. There was one room that was all computer keyboards and equipment and stuff. Just like out on tables. I don’t get. Reina Sofia does have Picasso’s Guernica, so that is worth seeing, although it’s kind of horrifying.
Among the museums we visited, I was struck by some truly haunting works. I don’t normally condone taking pictures in museums (even if it’s allowed, it’s still weird. Like, better pictures exist than what you are taking with your phone), but I had to remember some of this weird stuff and discuss how weird it is. Also, I took pictures of all the paintings with puppies, because you can’t stop me. My comments are in the captions.
Now, everyone will tell you to go to the Prado Museum when you are in Madrid. I am okay with that. The Prado is a very nice museum with very important arts. However, I’m pretty sure you should stop there. The Reina Sofia made me angry. With a name like that, I expected refined arts, but it was more like insane modern arts. There was one room that was all computer keyboards and equipment and stuff. Just like out on tables. I don’t get. Reina Sofia does have Picasso’s Guernica, so that is worth seeing, although it’s kind of horrifying.
Among the museums we visited, I was struck by some truly haunting works. I don’t normally condone taking pictures in museums (even if it’s allowed, it’s still weird. Like, better pictures exist than what you are taking with your phone), but I had to remember some of this weird stuff and discuss how weird it is. Also, I took pictures of all the paintings with puppies, because you can’t stop me. My comments are in the captions.
This worm guy who is all nose is DOBBY THE HOUSE ELF, correct??? 
Creepy pedo is like “LOOK HOW LOVELY MY FOOT IS!” And Charlie (of the Chocolate Factory) is like gimme a break, dad. 
100% this is the creepiest f-ing guy to ever be in any art, ever. What a creepster! That face is the face of an unapologetic felon. |
JANE FONDA WITH AN ADORABLE LITTLE PUPPY!!!! I was staring at this one for like an hour. PUPPIEEEE! With JANE FONDA! WTF! 
Little doggy!!!! 
“Check out this tiny lamb sitting on the book on my shoulder.” “Sorry, I’m a little distracted by the one-foot-tall priest between our feet. Did you invite him?” |
What was my favorite piece of art that I saw in Madrid? Obviously the Bob Esponja poster! Husband and I are still saying ‘Bob Esponja!’ much too frequently. Also, is Antonio Banderas the voice of Spongebob??? That can’t be. So what is he doing with top billing? So confused. No, not confused. Intrigued.
Honestly? With only two real days in Madrid, all we had time to do was a bunch of museums (of which you have been treated to their masterpieces above), a lot of cold strolling, and some great food. The next two blog posts will cover two restaurants specifically, one basic (I mean that in the current use of the word. I think. I don’t really get it.) and one epic, but let’s look at a few treats now.
Honestly? With only two real days in Madrid, all we had time to do was a bunch of museums (of which you have been treated to their masterpieces above), a lot of cold strolling, and some great food. The next two blog posts will cover two restaurants specifically, one basic (I mean that in the current use of the word. I think. I don’t really get it.) and one epic, but let’s look at a few treats now.
First, if you are vegan, you want green juice, right? Because that’s all we drink! No but I love green juice. So we stayed at the Hotel Preciados at Plaza Santo Domingo, which was very nice but our room was tiny. Like tiiiiny. But they had green apples at reception which is okay. I don’t like green apples but I do like free apples. The best part of this hotel was that right next door (well next 4 doors) was a juice bar! Whee!! It was called Juicy Avenue and the menu unfortunately hyped the greener juices as the ‘Juicy Detox’ section, but I will give them a soft pass for maybe a language barrier. Lord knows i have one. So the juices were pretty good! The lady working the morning shift didn’t speak English and couldn’t help me with translations but I think we did okay. It helped that the names seemed to be in English, while the ingredients were in Spanish. And most words are easy to figure out. Yay juice!
|
|
Next, if you have ever heard Spanish words, I’m sure you have heard of patatas bravas. I’m pretty sure it means brave little potaters. This staple dish consists of fried potatoes in a spicy tomato sauce. As is, it is usually vegan. Hooray! And it’s also addictive. Who doesn’t love spicy fried potatoes? You can get these at most tapas places. There are a few big food markets around Madrid, mostly with fish and meat vendors, but I always managed to find someone selling patatas bravas.
It was also pretty easy to find vegan snacks in random storefronts. We randomly found these delicious empanadas and some sort of stuffed bread that were marked as ‘vegana’ in a deli we stopped in to buy water. It was called ‘deliGatessen’ and was such a treat to discover!
|
|
Lastly, the most important thing to eat in Madrid/anywhere in Spain/anywhere you are is churros! Fried dough sticks! Churros themselves are usually vegan. I mean, it’s sticks of dough deep-fried in oil and then covered in sugar. That’s as vegan as it gets. Madrid’s most famous churreria is Chocolateria San Gines, and it’s worth paying a visit. It’s always packed, I think open round the clock, and they have fast service down to a science. As best as I could communicate, I figured out that their churros are vegan. However, as is usually the case, the chocolate sauce is not. Churros doused with cinnamon and sugar are usually pretty good though. DOUBLE however, if you go to San Gines, make sure you know how to ask in Spanish for no chocolate sauce but YES sugar and cinnamon. You have to specify; I did not know. I got plain fried dough. No sugar. It was really sad. (And made me feel very sick and icky!)
|
Churros? More like Sad-o’s. I’ll work on it. |
Sooo, that’s pretty much how we spent a weekend in Madrid, minus the most important parts. As we already discussed, the major reason was seeing Audra the Queen of Everything in concert. QUEEN. Oh crap, now every time I say the word ‘queen’ I hear Jada saying it. Here is a picture of me in my balcony seat at the gorgeous Teatro Real.
No, the cold wind wasn’t blowing in here as well; it’s just that 9 pictures out of 10 my eyes will be closed. Life.
The OTHER major reason for our weekend trip was to eat at a super-insanely-special restaurant that will be posted soon! Make sure to check for that because it was epic. And make sure that, if you go to Madrid, to go for more than 18 hours or just one weekend because it is a great city. And the more time you spend there, the higher your chances of seeing Peeny and Javy.
