The Mastersingers of Nuremberg at the English National Opera: Richard Wagner was a Sumbitchby Randi / March 9, 2015
For so long, I’ve been complaining about how England can’t do Mexican food: they don’t understand spicy food, you can’t get good avocados here, and there’s a dearth of Mexican immigrants. But an all-vegan market stall called Club Mexicana proved me wrong! Club Mexicana pops up at the various markets in London, including Spitalfields and King’s Cross. And this month, they’ve taken over the Hornbeam Cafe in…super northeast London to host fantastic Friday night dinners. (I mean dinner on Friday nights, not Shabbat-style ‘Friday night dinners’.) If you have a chance to get to god knows where I went last week (Walthamstow…shire?) any Friday this month, then you must go! They have loaded nachos, tacos, burritos, empanadas, and more. Most importantly, their signature dish is pulled jackfruit, the coolest vegan meat substitute ever.
Loaded nachos
At their most recent Friday night dinner, Club Mexicana offered a solid and surprisingly well-priced menu of small and large plates. The small options included roasted cornbread with mole, pedron peppers, tortilla soup, and loaded nachos. Obviously we got the loaded nachos because dayum! Vegans need to jump at nacho opportunities when they can. Also, outside the U.S., apparently people think ‘nachos’ just means ‘plain corn chips’ and that’s terrrrrrible, so I had to take advantage of someone knowing better. The nachos had vegan cheese sauce (I think it’s house made!), black beans, ancho chili sauce, sour cream (again probably house made), jalapenos, and cilantro, which they call coriander here but coriander is the dried version so I’ll never accept that. It also had guacamole, which sadly succumbed to the British curse of being weird and creamy instead of being normal.* It was better than other attempts I’ve had here though! The nachos were really good. I was intrigued by the cheese sauce. It was really sharp yet creamy and it didn’t make me angry so right on. As with every single maker of nachos, however, the bottom layer was naked.* When will people learn to stagger the toppings on all the layers and not just dump them on top so you get really loaded chips at first but then are left with NOTHING at the end? I would be so good at nachos.
We also got the tortilla soup, which the menu called ‘sopa di tortilla’ which is accurate but I read it as carrot coconut soup for some reason?? Don’t know how that happened but luckily that’s not what arrived. The spicy, tomato-base, lime-doused soup was really good, although I would have preferred more beans (any beans?) in it. I’m just used to my tortilla soup being full of beans. Haha full of beans. This one was mainly thick broth, but the broth was delicious so it’s all good. It also was topped with the sour cream from the nachos, which was a really nice component even if it disintegrated into the soup before it even arrived.
We also got the tortilla soup, which the menu called ‘sopa di tortilla’ which is accurate but I read it as carrot coconut soup for some reason?? Don’t know how that happened but luckily that’s not what arrived. The spicy, tomato-base, lime-doused soup was really good, although I would have preferred more beans (any beans?) in it. I’m just used to my tortilla soup being full of beans. Haha full of beans. This one was mainly thick broth, but the broth was delicious so it’s all good. It also was topped with the sour cream from the nachos, which was a really nice component even if it disintegrated into the soup before it even arrived.
Sopa di tortilla. That does not translate to carrot.
We had much more trouble choosing our mains. Not only were there two entrees featuring pulled jackfruit, but they also had chili-non-carne sloppy joes and chorizo empanadas! The jackfruit came in either taco form or burrito form. I knew I had to have one, so I figured I’d continue the taco cleanse. The waitron recommended the chorizo empanadas as our second main. Excellent choice!
So I’m obsessed with pulled jackfruit now. I had it once before, at the White Owl Social Club in Portland, but it was on a burger bun and the bread overpowered it. Thin little corn tortillas really are the perfect showcase for this ridiculously inventive food. Jackfruit is yeah it’s a fruit, but when you shred it, it really resembles pork? or something crazy? It’s so mind-boggling and delicious that Upton’s Naturals is going to be selling it alongside its packaged mock meats. That’s aweeeesome! Club Mexicana’s version is hand-pulled and marinated in bourbon BBQ sauce, and served on the aforementioned little corn disks with sour cream, too-creamy guacamole again but whatever it’s still guacamole, and salted chiles. It also came with more tortilla chips and a warm cabbage slaw that I liked to put inside the tacos. These were so good. Oh man. Jackfruit is too cool.
So I’m obsessed with pulled jackfruit now. I had it once before, at the White Owl Social Club in Portland, but it was on a burger bun and the bread overpowered it. Thin little corn tortillas really are the perfect showcase for this ridiculously inventive food. Jackfruit is yeah it’s a fruit, but when you shred it, it really resembles pork? or something crazy? It’s so mind-boggling and delicious that Upton’s Naturals is going to be selling it alongside its packaged mock meats. That’s aweeeesome! Club Mexicana’s version is hand-pulled and marinated in bourbon BBQ sauce, and served on the aforementioned little corn disks with sour cream, too-creamy guacamole again but whatever it’s still guacamole, and salted chiles. It also came with more tortilla chips and a warm cabbage slaw that I liked to put inside the tacos. These were so good. Oh man. Jackfruit is too cool.
Jackfruit tacos are the bestttt! And look at all those chiles! Spicy food happening!
The chorizo empanadas were also really good, like meat-filled hand pies. I guess in England that’s just hand pies. The menu said ‘puff pastry’ but it was denser than that (which was good for this dish), like heavy buttery pie dough holding shredded chorizo-style seitan, spicy potatoes, olives, and raisins. Luckily I didn’t taste any raisin because that is weird. They were topped with the creamy guacamole, sour cream, and ancho chili sauce. This plate (all plates?) also came with the warm slaw and more chips. It was a really yummy dish, but if you are ever choosing between jack fruit and Y, you must always go with jackfruit. Unless Y is world peace or something. Or, as Husband just answered to my question of what’s better than jackfruit, “jillfruit”.
For a specialty pop-up event like this, I expected the prices to be on the higher side, because they always seem to be. But Club Mexicana’s prices were pretty decent – 10 pounds for mains and 4 for the appetizers. That’s downright cheap for London! And it was so good too! If you are free this Friday or next (or the next?), try to catch Club Mexicana at the Hornbeam Cafe. Otherwise, follow them on social media to try to find their stall in the markets. And no matter what, get something with jackfruit!
CLUB MEXICANA, LONDON
Water speed: Glass bottle and little cups were already on the table! So happy.
Service: Everyone was so nice and helpful. It was probably the best service I’ve encountered in London yet. I’m not sure if the waitrons were Hornbeam’s or Club Mexicana’s, but either way, excellent job.*
Bathrooms: A singlet, was fine. The toilet flushed which is a big deal here.
Food: Really yummy Mexican food!
Bonus: Jackfruit!
*Club Mexicana has informed me that a) the waitrons were all their own staff members, so thanks to them for being great! They also said they are working on the nacho layering and chunkifying guacamole. Fantastic!
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Vegan Michelin Series: Il Gallo d’Oro in Funchal, Madeira
During our stay in Funchal, Madeira, the beautiful Portuguese island, we had a fancy dinner one night at the island’s most celebrated restaurant – Il Gallo d’Oro. It has been awarded two Michelin stars and they told me they could arrange for a vegan tasting menu, so we went for it. Located in The Cliff Bay resort hotel (one of the three PortoBay properties), Il Gallo d’Oro is not only considered the best restaurant on Madeira but it’s also awarded that title for all of Portugal sometimes. So while I knew the food would be great, my vegan expectations were still tempered because these fancy restaurants sometimes just don’t have the experience or knowledge for creating vegan menus that are at the same level as the regular ones. As usual I was right. The food was super lovely and delicious, and I’ll probably be describing each component as ‘lovely’ because that’s really all there was to it. But it was missing that expertise that a veg chef could provide. And while dining here is a nice event for a special occasion, it’s way too expensive for what you get.
The Cliff Bay hotel was decorated for Christmas (it was almost that time) and it felt cozy, even though it’s super weird for me still to reconcile that Christmas can happen in warm or even tropical locales. But I was glad we had chosen to stay at the Porto Mare as this hotel seemed a little less…fun than ours. The crowd was all older and we were clearly the youngest people dining at the Golden Cock (what it means) that night.
After we were seated in the dim, modern-chic dining room, a waiter asked if we would like champagne. He was already holding it, so husbo said sure why not. I asked for a non-alcoholic option and they brought me a tall pink drink that wasn’t too sweet, so that’s nice. It was topped like the makers had just watched ‘Forgetting Sarah Marshall’ and didn’t realize that Jason Segel was making fun of how much unnecessary garnish bartenders put in drinks and instead they were like ‘this seems smart.’ Mine had a wedge of pineapple, cucumbers, a cherry, and twirly herbs dangling from the whole shibang. I would have eaten all of it too but I was trying to behave properly.
We found out at the end that they charged 18 euro for the champagne, which was presented as if it were a gift or already included with the extravagant price tag, so that’s kind of/super shirty. You don’t want to go to a supes fance place like this and feel like they’re overcharging you and nickel and diming you, and 18 euros is more than a dime.
It is super pretty though right?
As usual, when they asked for our water preferences I said still and husbo said sparkling because that’s how we roll. They brought us fun bourbon-bottle-looking-mufas of our waters. We found out later that they charged 5 euro for water. I mean. Guys. Include water in your ticket price! This is an unacceptable charge in my book at any restaurant or cafe or place in the universe, let alone a two-michey.
Those are my big complaints, though, and the rest of it is pretty positive. Like I said, the food, while not as innovative as I’d like, was elegant and delicious. And they brought me olive oil in a dish shaped like the island.
A dish of olive oil means I get bread!
what a motley crew
My first course was a little salad of fennel, baby corn, super super thinly sliced tomato, and cherries. I know, literally the most random assortment of ingredients you could throw together, but they somehow complemented each other. It was simple and refined.
How pretty is this! Doesn’t it look like little egg tarts or something? It’s little seed cuplings with a piece of yellow tomato. At least I think so. I’m having trouble remembering but I remember liking it and more importantly IT’S SO PRETTY.
Now this bitch I know! Ugh this was so good. One of the best things about Micheliny restaurant tasting menus is that they ALWAYS throw black truffles at me. For regular diners, these fancy restaurants try to make it worth the price tag by serving expensive meats and rare cheeses and I don’t know hand-churned butter? Shit like that, to make you feel better about the cost. But they can’t give me expensive meats and there are just not expensive vegetables they can throw at me, so they try to make my menu fancy by throwing truffles at me. It was weird to have a slice of raw truffle instead of using it in an oil, a cream, or a paste, as I’ve had in the past, but mushed into this cozy and comforting little stew, it was quite delightful. It was exactly the kind of bean, grain, and veg stew I’d make at home for a winter time dinner, but elevated with that truffle. And the little flower. I never eat flowers at home.
and so we meet again
So, as you can see, the next dish was kind of similar to the last. And by similar I mean the same. It seems the restaurant figured out a few good vegan dishes, but since the tasting menu requires a certain amount of dishes, they just repeated some? I mean it was good, and heartier than the usual tasting menu offerings, so I wasn’t complaining. But it showed a lack of planning for me, or a lack of care.
edible silver
And then we were already onto dessert! Here was a little bowlful of jelly (not in a Cosby voice! We don’t do that anymore!) with hazelnuts, and one hazelnut was coated in edible silver because of the aforementioned attempt to make my costs seem higher. My absolute favorite part of the entire experience was that one of our waitresses, my favorite one, pronounced it ‘wizelnuts’ in her little accent and it was THE BEST. Hazelnuts played a big role in several of my dishes and she kept talking about it and saying ‘wizelnuts’ and I forking loved it. Always say wizelnuts.
My second dessert was great. I had a beautiful little vanilla pudding, or more like a flan I guess because it stands as a solid structure. Is that what separates pudding from flan? I have no idea. Anyway it was delicious, and it was a very special treat to not get sorbet or plain fruit. As you can say, they went a little overboard with the gold leaf, trying to up my costs again I guess but like, for no reason at all! It makes me laugh. Like plain bits of gold leaf do not taste good, and having so much of it doesn’t magically make me think ‘oh this was a well priced meal after all’! Nonetheless, it was a better than average dessert.
So overall, it was a very nice meal, but it would have been a nice meal for a regular restaurant, not necessarily one with two Michelin stars. Each dish was great, but not worth the money. Unlike most of the Michelin restaurants we’ve been to, they didn’t give us a souvenir menu at the end, but hopefully my memories are correct. If they are, I’m confident in saying that Il Gallo d’Oro can provide a lovely dinner for a special occasion while on holiday, but for the price it’s a better choice for the white-haired folk vacationing on Madeira who aren’t vegetarian.
IL GALLO D’ORO, MADEIRA, PORTUGAL, EUROPE
Water speed: A little slow.
Service: Very fun mostly because of the wizelnuts 🙂
Bathrooms: The bathrooms were outside the restaurant and in the hotel lobby, so since the hotel was super nice, the bathrooms were too. Very like.
Food: So the food was delicious, but I basically had the same main twice so that’s a little magoo. And overall it was overpriced for the vegan menu.
Bonus: Great to have a fancy restaurant on holiday.
Water speed: A little slow.
Service: Very fun mostly because of the wizelnuts 🙂
Bathrooms: The bathrooms were outside the restaurant and in the hotel lobby, so since the hotel was super nice, the bathrooms were too. Very like.
Food: So the food was delicious, but I basically had the same main twice so that’s a little magoo. And overall it was overpriced for the vegan menu.
Bonus: Great to have a fancy restaurant on holiday.
L’Shana Tova! Happy Jew Year!
Dip the apples in the honey (I mean agave!), say a bracha loud and clear!
L’Shana Tova U’metukah! Have a happy sweet New Year!
Whee! Another faux-year has gone by, chosen ones! Rosh Hashanah is such a good holiday. It’s like regular New Year’s, but better:
1) You don’t have to make resolutions – in fact, you have 10 days to be as terrible as you want because on Yom Kippur you atone for that shit! (K that’s not how it really works but still.)
2) You celebrate by eating apples and honey-substitute and not by drinking your face apart.
3) You don’t have to worry about what huge (awful) party with lots and lots of (awful) people you’ll be invited to on New Year’s Eve, because you have big family dinners! Full of tons of food, wine, and yentas! So fun!
For all of you gentiles, that’s all there is to know about Rosh Hashanah. Great right? You know you wanna convert.
Last night, for the first night of Rosh Hashanah, my parents hosted the dinner for my grandparents and good family friends. Of course, I made 90% of the food. Every gathering is a chance to win people over with great vegan food, people!
L’Shana Tova U’metukah! Have a happy sweet New Year!
Whee! Another faux-year has gone by, chosen ones! Rosh Hashanah is such a good holiday. It’s like regular New Year’s, but better:
1) You don’t have to make resolutions – in fact, you have 10 days to be as terrible as you want because on Yom Kippur you atone for that shit! (K that’s not how it really works but still.)
2) You celebrate by eating apples and honey-substitute and not by drinking your face apart.
3) You don’t have to worry about what huge (awful) party with lots and lots of (awful) people you’ll be invited to on New Year’s Eve, because you have big family dinners! Full of tons of food, wine, and yentas! So fun!
For all of you gentiles, that’s all there is to know about Rosh Hashanah. Great right? You know you wanna convert.
Last night, for the first night of Rosh Hashanah, my parents hosted the dinner for my grandparents and good family friends. Of course, I made 90% of the food. Every gathering is a chance to win people over with great vegan food, people!
Should’ve taken this before people started to sit!
The Menu
- Potato leek soup (recipe follows)
- Salad with mixed veggies
- Cauliflower-carrot mashed potatoes (recipe follows)
- Mango BBQ Beans (from Appetite For Reduction)
- Stewed okra and tempeh (recipe follows)
- Peas & pas’ (description follows)
- Broiled shaved Brussels sprouts
- (Chicken for putzes)
Dessert
- Chocolate Yogurt Bundt Cake (from the PPK blog)
- Vanilla peanut butter cake balls (‘recipe’ follows)
- Lots of fruit
FIRST, WE DANCE! I MEAN SOUP!
Soup veggies a-boiling! Directions:
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Mmm soup. Potato leek (and carrot!) soup
This is not even really a recipe, just add whatever vegs, spices, what nots you want and it’ll probably still be amazing. I do some kind of variation of this every week, usually with broccoli and potatoes and greens. |
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Cauliflower-Carrot Mashed Potatoes
Again, this is barely a recipe, but it works and is impressive, apparently. And delicious! It’s also really pretty, but I forgot to take a picture.
Directions:
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Mango BBQ Beans (from AFR)
These beans are insanely good, and they are really easy to make. Everyone loved them, and their sweetness was appropriate for the holiday. If you don’t have AFR, you should go buy it, because it’s amazing. 
Mango BBQ Beans |
Stewed Okra & Tempeh Funtimes
Washing okra |
Chop, chop chop, saute, saute, saute |
McSteamy |
Forgot to take pics of 3 dishes, yet I capture 4 stages for this one
Stewed Okra & Tempeh
This one is like a gumbo? I guess? but I have no authority to say so. It’s just really yummy and really easy. I loved it, as did all of the guests.
This one is like a gumbo? I guess? but I have no authority to say so. It’s just really yummy and really easy. I loved it, as did all of the guests.
- 1 big onion, diced small
- olive oil
- 4 cloves garlic, minced
- 1 bunch of celery (head of?), chopped
- 1t thyme, 1/4t red pepper flakes, 1/2t cayenne pepper
- 2 bay leaves
- 1 lb. okra, chopped
- 1 can (16 oz., though 24 could work) diced tomatoes (I used fire-roasted)
- 1C+ water
- 1 package tempeh
- 2T soy sauce
Directions:
- Saute the onion, oil, and celery over medium heat for a few minutes.
- Add the garlic, and saute until things start to brown a little.
- Add the spices, and more oil or water if things stick, and cook for a minute more
- Add the can of tomatoes, then fill the can about halfway with water, and pour that in the pot.
- Now, add the okra to the pot, along with the bay leaves. Add more water if necessary.
- Bring to a boil, then lower the heat and let it all simmer, covered, for at least an hour. Keep checking to make sure things don’t stick/burn. I let it simmer all afternoon, on low heat, because why not.
- In the meantime, make your tempeh. Crumble it in a small saucepan, and just barely cover it with water and the soy sauce. Bring to a boil, then cover (with room for steam), lower the heat to a low simmer, and let cook for 15-20 minutes, until it’s dry. You can saute it a little longer if you want the tempeh to brown.
- Add the tempeh to the big stew pot, and continue cooking everything until there’s no water. Then enjoy!
As for the last two dishes – peas & pas’ and Brussels sprouts – I’ll just describe what to do. I can’t give a recipe for the former, because it’s a family dish, and I can’t for the latter because it’s too easy. So, lemme ‘splain. No, there is too much. Lemme sum up. Peas & pas’ = peas and pasta, said with an Italian-American accent. It’s the most garlicky food you’ll ever encounter. My mom makes this the best, because she’s the more Italian one of us. You Cuisinart-chop 2 big onions and like 15 cloves of garlic, literally. Then you cook it over the stove in a big pot with a metric shittonne of EB and olive oil. This is why my mom’s is better than mine, because I can’t bring myself to add the amounts of this stuff that she can. But that’s what makes it awesome. So you add like 1/4C EB and a 1/4C olive oil, and probably more, saute the minced onion and garlic mixture, add salt and pepper, and then mix in your shell pasta. Then you bake it in a casserole dish with a bag or two of frozen peas. It’s amazing.
For the best Brussels sprouts of your entire life, start by shaving the sprouts, like pounds of them. Or, to make it easier, buy them already shaved (Trader Joe’s sells bags of shaved ones). Take 2-3 bags, or pounds, of shaved ones, coat them with olive oil and salt and pepper (use your hands, get in there), and put them on a big baking sheet covered with parchment paper, in the oven at 375° for 20 minutes, or until the edges are browning and crispifying. So amazing.
For the best Brussels sprouts of your entire life, start by shaving the sprouts, like pounds of them. Or, to make it easier, buy them already shaved (Trader Joe’s sells bags of shaved ones). Take 2-3 bags, or pounds, of shaved ones, coat them with olive oil and salt and pepper (use your hands, get in there), and put them on a big baking sheet covered with parchment paper, in the oven at 375° for 20 minutes, or until the edges are browning and crispifying. So amazing.
Lastly, the desserts! I recommend that you make Isa’s Chocolate Yogurt Bundt Cake for any occasion, because it’s the best chocolate cake recipe I’ve come across. I had a slight aversion to bundt cakes for a while there (probably because it sounds like butt cake), so I’m really glad I tried this cake a few years back. It changed everything! No more butt cake phobia.
Also, I highly recommend making cake balls whenever you have leftover cake! Some of you might have seen the post where I made Rachel’s English Trifle, from ‘Friends’. I sensed some concern that I had to throw out so much good cake, custard, and icing due to the beef cube contamination. No way, guys! I would NEVER waste food! I tossed a very thin layer of whatever components touched the meat, and then I saved all that shit, yo! Duh! That cake was good otherwise!
Also, I highly recommend making cake balls whenever you have leftover cake! Some of you might have seen the post where I made Rachel’s English Trifle, from ‘Friends’. I sensed some concern that I had to throw out so much good cake, custard, and icing due to the beef cube contamination. No way, guys! I would NEVER waste food! I tossed a very thin layer of whatever components touched the meat, and then I saved all that shit, yo! Duh! That cake was good otherwise!
Cake balls! Hanging together, living the dream so fine.
So, back to cake balls. You take whatever leftover cake and icing you have, you mix it in a mixing bowl, you squish it into balls, and you coat the balls in melted chocolate! It’s the bomb!
I had at least one entire vanilla cake layer leftover from the Trifle of Doom, and the vanilla frosting. I got the frosting, added about 1/4C peanut butter, mixed like a mofo (HAHA MOFO) to work on my guns, man, and then squished in the cake. Do you want it laid out more easily?
I had at least one entire vanilla cake layer leftover from the Trifle of Doom, and the vanilla frosting. I got the frosting, added about 1/4C peanut butter, mixed like a mofo (HAHA MOFO) to work on my guns, man, and then squished in the cake. Do you want it laid out more easily?
- Mixing bowl of cake and frosting
- Melt chocolate
- Squish cake & frosting into balls, cover with chocolate, have a stroke of genius and top with sea salt and raw sugar, place on a baking sheet covered with parchment or waxed paper, refrigerate for an hour or so, until needed.
SO F-ING AMAZING.
I love how much our guests were freaking out over them. They aren’t anything; they’re cake balls! So easy! But whatever, make them all the time and get lots of compliments. Many New Year!
