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Veganizing “Friends”: The One With 5 Steaks & An Eggplant 

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     No, not that kind of stake! Remember from, well, “The One With Five Steaks & An Eggplant”, when Monica’s restaurant switches meat suppliers and she gets free stuff and brings it home to the guys to make amends? Let’s backtrack! So much is happening: Monica gets promoted at work, Ross’s birthday is coming up, Chandler is impersonating a hot guy for a hot lady. Half the Friends – Rachel, Phoebe, and Joey – don’t make as much money as the other three. The moneyed 3 don’t realize this, and they keep coming up with expensive ways to celebrate things like birthdays and promotions, to the 3 poorpups’ chagrin. Poor Rachel, Phoebe, and Joey – in multiple senses of the word – finally have to confront the others about the situation.

Joey: (clearing his throat a lot) Ok, um, uh, we three feel like, that uh, sometimes you guys don’t get that uh… (Pause) We don’t have as much money as you.

Monica: Ok.

Ross: I hear ya.

Chandler: We can talk about that.

Phoebe: Well, then…Let’s.

Ross: Well umm I, I just never think of money as an issue.

Rachel: That’s ’cause you have it.

Ross: That’s a good point.


     This conversation occurs after a pretty uncomfortable (and unsatisfying) celebratory dinner for Monica, in which the 3 povers order basically nothing, but do it hilariously. “And…take care!” (This is the only video from this episode I could find, and since I have to share videos as much as possible, here you go.)

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    After the confrontation comes expected friction and resentment. Finally, Monica, Ross, and Chandler try to fix things by sharing the titular 5 steaks and an eggplant with the others.

Chandler: Gee, Monica, what’s in the bag?
Monica: I don’t know, Chandler. Let’s take a look.
Phoebe: Oh, it’s like a skit.
Monica: Why, it’s dinner for six. 5 steaks, and an eggplant for Phoebe.

     Unfortunately, Monica ends up getting fired because she wasn’t supposed to take the food from the new meat supplier. See? Meat ALWAYS CAUSES TROUBLE. Best to just avoid it completely. 
      Anyway, we won’t get in trouble for having this food, so let’s make some eggplant. And then we’ll figure out what kind of steak/stake we want to work with. (Side note: I just thought of the most difficult Pictionary challenge ever: the kind of stakes that you mean when you say ‘the stakes are high’. How do you picturize that!!!!)



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Chop this b

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Boil and cover. Duck and cover

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Salty dog
    I’m going to give you instructions for extremely simple, fast, and yummy miso-glazed eggplant. This dinner is all about convenience, because I figured out what kind of ‘steak’ I want to use. 

MISO-GLAZED EGGPLANT

  • One eggplant, chopped into 1-inch pieces 
  • 2T miso
  • 1T tamari

DIRECTIONS: 

  1. Boil the eggplant in about 1 inch of water, covered, for about 10 minutes, until soft.
  2. Drain the water as best you can, and add the tamari and miso. Stir and cook over medium-high heat for about 10-15 minutes, until everything is browning and infused with the goodness of Asian salt products.

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See there are 5!
    Now for the five steaks…I think instead of whittling my own wooden stakes, I’m going to heat up some already made mandarin chicken pieces from Trader Joe’s. They are like steak. Enough. And they are really good. They come in a close second to the Trader Joe’s Chickenless Nuggets or whatever they are called, in the beige bag. Those are my favorite. Anyway. It’s all good fake chicken. 

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It’s eggplant in an eggplant dish!!! Cute
So, this was a fun and slapdash “Friends”-themed dinner! See, even when you are pressed for time (and energy), you can always count on “Friends” to lead the way. Like they said, they’ll be there for you. 

Giveaway Trivia!!

  1. In another storyline, Chandler was pretending to be a man with a much deeper and dorkier voice when a ‘hot-sounding woman’ called. What was this man’s name?
  2. Ross’s birthday hoopla in this episode includes dinner, cake, and a concert to see what band?
  3. Who gives Monica a hickey?
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