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Veganizing “Friends”: The Moistmaker, or MY SANDWICH?!?!?!?!            (Plus Stuffing Recipe!)

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      Well, it’s a few days after Thanksgiving, so what does that mean, dear Friends? It means it’s time for the Thanksgiving leftovers sandwich! Every Thanksgiving, Monica would take her leftover turkey, stuffing, gravy, and whatever else she made that year, and stuff it into a huge sandwich for Ross. I believe that the below clip shows Ross at his absolute best, freaking out (rightfully so!) when his boss “mistakenly” eats this special sandwich. Featuring Monica’s trademarked gravy-soaked bread called “The Moistmaker”, this sandwich was apparently worth screaming at your boss and losing your job over. Now that’s a good sandwich. 

“YOU YOU YOU YOU THREW MY SANDWICH AWAY? MY SANDWICH? MY SANDWICH??”

Don’t remember the details? Can’t watch the videos at work? Good, I have an excuse to transcribe:

Ross: Hi.

Joey: What’s wrong, buddy?

Ross: Someone at work ate my sandwich. 🙁

Chandler: Well what did the police say??

Ross: My Thanksgiving leftovers sandwich! I can’t believe somebody just ate it!

Chandler: Ross it’s just a sandwich!

Ross: Just a sandwich?! Look, I am 30 years old, I’m going to be divorced twice, and I just got evicted. That sandwich was the only good thing going on in my life! SOMEONE ATE THE ONLY GOOD THING GOING ON IN MY LIFE!

You know what, it’s too good. Just watch it the whole thing. Your boss won’t mind. 
      You know, there are plenty of “Friends” moments in which Ross is clearly in the wrong yet acts insanely entitled and, well, insane. But this isn’t one of them. He’s so right! Oh my goodness, I would be so upset if someone ate my lunch. Like who does that? Seriously! What kind of sick bastard knowingly eats someone else’s lunch? Bastard. For Ross’s (a.k.a. Mental Gellar) sake, we’re going to make The Moistmaker with our Thanksgiving leftovers. Bring it to work tomorrow and write a little caveat on it so no one steals it, something like “Hey, keep your mitts off my grub.” Or something not quoted from “Annie”. 
       Before we get to assembling Our Sandwich, let’s make some stuffing! I made this stuffing for my family dinner, and it was awesome. I recommend it for all of your stuffing needs. 
 VEGAN SAUSAGE & SAGE STUFFING
Ingredients:

  • 1T olive oil
  • 1 large onion, diced
  • 4 cloves garlic, minced
  • 2t sage
  • 1t thyme
  • 1t salt
  • freshly ground black pepper to taste
  • 2C carrots, diced
  • 2C celery, diced
  • 1C Field Roast chipotle sausage, diced (or sausage of choice, or tempeh crumbles)
  • 1 loaf (16 oz.) day-old multigrain sandwich bread, ripped into cubes/bits/whatever small shape you prefer. I go with bits.
  • 2-3C vegetable broth or water

Directions:

  1. In a heavy stockpot over medium-high heat, saute your onion in the olive oil for about 5 minutes.
  2. Add your garlic, carrots, and celery and cook for another 5 minutes.
  3. Add the sage, thyme, salt, and pepper and stir through.
  4. Add the sausage and stir while it cooks for about 2 minutes.
  5. Next, add your bread and then the broth/water. Mix through, and the bread should be wet. If you need more liquid, use it. 
  6. Add the entire mixture to a large casserole dish, and bake for 20-25 minutes in a 350° oven.

Bring the dish to Thanksgiving dinner and save a serving so you can put it on more bread for your sandwich! 

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So pretty!
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Stirring the veggies in the stockpot
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Before cooking: Gross wet bread with seasoning! Ew! So gross!
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After cooking: Mm, hot bread with seasoning.

SOMEONE ATE THE ONLY GOOD THING GOING ON IN MY LIFE!!!

THANKSGIVING LEFTOVERS SANDWICH WITH “THE MOISTMAKER”
Components:

  • 2 pieces of sandwich bread or one large roll
  • 1 additional piece of sandwich bread
  • 1/2C delicious gravy
  • several pieces leftover seitan roast (amount depends on how big you want your sandwich)
  • 1 serving Vegan Sausage & Sage Stuffing (about 1/2C)
  • 2T cranberry sauce
  • Extras: spoonful of mashed sweet potato, green beans, Brussels sprouts, whatever you got

Directions:

  1. Put your bread down on a plate. On top of it, place your leftover seitan. 
  2. Next, layer your stuffing on top of the seitan for a beautifully gluten-full trio of bread, seitan, and stuffing. Marvel at your ability to maximize the gluten.
  3. Cover that with a spoonful of cranberry sauce.
  4. Then, cover that with some spoonfuls of gravy.
  5. Take your extra piece of bread and soak it in the gravy. Place that on top of the stuffing. (Not pictured because oh man, that’s messy.)
  6. After “The Moistmaker” is in place, reverse the process: On top of that, layer more gravy, then cranberry sauce, then stuffing, then seitan.
  7. Finally place your last piece of bread over your leftovers monstrosity and just take a gander at it. We <3 gluten.
  8. Now eat it! Or, pack it for lunch and write a message to would-be thieves to scare them away from YOUR SANDWICH.
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The gravy is the most important part. Really. Of anything.
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Bread, seitan, stuffing.
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Gluten trio covered with cranberry sauce.
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Here comes the gravy!

Oh oh really? Did you confuse it with your own turkey sandwich with a Moistmaker?

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     Man alive that’s some good sandwiching. Who cares what time of year it is – make some Thanksgiving-y food and then make this sandwich! Poor Ross didn’t get to eat his. I feel so bad for him, especially because he was essentially fired for his reaction. He didn’t do anything wrong! I would have punched Donald, not because I care so much about the sandwich, but because Donald was SO WRONG. I punch wrongness in the face. That’s life. Enjoy! 

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