These Double Caramel Waffle Cookies Taste Like Your Childhood! 

Sneaky Chickpea Chocolate Chip Cookies

• 1 can chickpeas, rinsed very well
• 2t vanilla extract
• ¼ C almond milk
• ½ C peanut butter
• ¼ C speculoos
• 1/3 C agave nectar
• 1t baking powder
• pinch salt
• ½ C flour
• ½ C chocolate chips 

Directions:
     Preheat oven to 350°.
     Puree the chickpeas and almond milk in a blender. (The Magic Bullet is perfect for this.) Add the vanilla, peanut butter, speculoos, and agave. You may need to add more milk if it gets too thick. 
     Mix the dry ingredients in a mixing bowl, then add the blender contents. Mix well. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper, and drop the batter onto it in cookie-sized balls. Bake for about 12 minutes. Let cool before trying to see if you finally made a beany cookie that isn’t disgusting.

I hope this works for you like it worked for me!

Hello out there! It has been months since I last blogged, I know. I haven’t gone this long without writing since Raul Esparza lost the Tony for “Company” (still not over it) (never forget). I’ve been stupid busy with work since I last dipped my toes into all the writing I have to do about my California trip. But more than that, I couldn’t mentally spend time writing about happy things during the final months of the election. I had to devote time to making calls for Hillz, arguing with internet trolls (I can’t not), and worrying about what would happen to the world if Toilet Emoji won. But I kept telling myself, on November 9, I’ll be able to finally breathe deep again and shake that weight off my shoulders like I’m TayTay at the discotheque, white-girl dancing away from h8ters. 

But, alas, that deep breath never came, my shoulders are hunched protectively towards my ears more than ever, and the small pit in my stomach has become a John Hurt situation. Can we ever relax again? Not for the foreseeable future. I mean I hope you are able to, but I just don’t see it happening if you are fully aware of how destructive Toilet Emoji will be and has already been for our country. Also, not that I want you to be white-knuckling every daily activity from now on, but we can’t ‘relax’ in the sense of accepting any of this – we have to resist. I don’t mean break the law (let’s leave that for Toilet Emoji and his fellow toilet bowls) but we cannot normalize the Toilet administration of white supremacy and disregard for the Constitution and for democracy as anything less than the crazy authoritarian danger that it is. This is not partisan issue. Yeah I’m using a Hillary campaign image as the picture for this post but what the Toilet-Brush Elect is doing to our government should be of concern to all parties. If anyone refuses to be concerned, then they are equally to blame, whether Democrat, Republican, Green, Libertarian pothead, Socialist, whatever. This affects everyone.

As you thinking feeling humans know, the opposition to Toilet Emoji is not based in the ordinary ‘oh my party lost, darn’ style of disappointment. This is not disappointment. This is fear. If you don’t know why, you either live under a rock or only get your fake news from Fox News and Macedonian teenagers. The number and scope of hate crimes is increasing all over the world, not just in Klan strongholds but in progressive cities that we never thought could house such evil, but of course they can. So many despicable and, yes, deplorable people have had their most disgusting viewpoints validated, as TE’s win was indeed a victory for racists, misogynists, anti-semites, homophobes, and all around horrible people the world over, who now believe that their hate has been authorized by the highest office, that their viewpoints are now the law of the land, and that they have TE’s permission to act on their hate. People who doubt the veracity of these hate crime reports are not paying attention, or they don’t want to. The worst of humanity now feels legitimized, and they have the confidence to come out of hiding in every town and city. Of course not everyone who voted for TE is, say, a racist, but at the very least, at the very very least, they were okay with racism. With misogyny and sexual assault. At the very least they weighed the off-chance that they save a few dollars in taxes (why they think this will actually happen is beyond logical thinking humans) as more important than the civil rights, the human rights, of many others. At the very least they are selfish, and without logical reasoning skills. Good thing our education system will improve! Not! 

So what do we do, we who care the slightest bit about our fellow humans, or animals, or other countries and the people in them, or the planet? We have to fight in whatever ways we can. Don’t buy piece of shit holiday presents that merely feed the consumerist hamster wheel that is destroying the environment with more plastic shit that destroys oceans. Donate that money to worthwhile organizations. Your relatives hate what you pick out anyway. 

 If you care about the future of the planet at all, you have to go vegan. You just have to aim for that. Everyone knows by now the incontrovertible fact that animal agriculture is the biggest culprit in climate change. Start by doing what you can, and then keep moving closer towards veganism. The incoming administration has no regard for the planet’s future – they don’t even believe in climate change – and many international environmental safeguards are in danger. Some days I think, you know what, maybe humanity deserves to only have another decade or two left. But it’s not up to me to say that, just like it’s not up to Toilet Emoji, so even though I’m appalled by my fellow humans, I’m still going to do everything I can to protect their future.

If you care about women, you need to speak up when you are in the presence of rape culture. Guess what, if you dare leave your home, you’re probably in the presence of rape culture. It’s so ingrained in our daily conversations and encounters that we don’t even realize that we can call these situations by this seemingly dramatic term. I know, like me, all the females out there are sick and tired of hearing that it’s our job to fight it. And I’m not going to tell you that it is. We can, and we should if we’re strong enough, but it’s high time all the men out there start taking care of this fight since they’re the ones responsible for the problem. I want every male person I know to fight against all the trappings of toxic masculinity and start defending women even when no women are present. Good men will take on this effort when it’s just them hanging with their boys, if Toilet Emoji’s wife was right and ‘locker room talk’ really does happen just anytime men are together. I don’t believe her, but I do believe it happens at least a good deal of the time. I expect any man who isn’t a misogynist to stand up to his friends or colleagues when this bullshit comes out of their mouths. Even if they’re ‘just’ talking about a woman’s body. Even if they are ‘just’ talking shit about women who are ‘unlikable’. This is your job now. Stand up and resist in even the smallest moments and it could help prevent the bigger ones.

If you care about other people, especially you fellow white people who say they care about nonwhite people, we need to really step up our game and prove that maybe we might one day deserve for someone to call us an ally. When you inevitably hear Toilet supporters in the wild harassing people of color, people with headscarves, women, &c, try not to look away or ignore what’s happening. If you feel safe doing so, speak up and tell the perpetrator that what they are doing or saying is not okay and will not be tolerated. It’s such a problem that these pieces of shit feel legitimized in their hateful acts. It’s up to us to inform them that they’re still pieces of shit by taking a stand against normalizing and accepting such actions. Tell the leaders of whatever religious group you belong to that they must instruct the congregation to stand with other religions, to stand with Muslims and Jews and everyone else who is now in danger or not. If a leader of a religious congregation is not willing to take such a stand of solidarity with other religions, then that person is not worthy of being such a leader. Write a letter to your local mosque and tell them that you welcome them into your community and will do what you can to support them. Pretty much every mosque in the USA is getting hate incredibly frightening hate mail on a daily basis; let your letter give them hope in humanity. I am inspired every day by the amazing people in Pantsuit Nation who share their stories of how they stood up to the bigotry they now witness in everyday life. I hope I can follow their lead, and I hope you can too. 

If you care about the USA, whatever that means now and whatever it becomes, keep calling your representatives. This is a good place to start. Make 10 minutes worth of calls every day. If you can’t, make 5 minutes of them. One minute. They’re the people whose job it is to prevent the worst from happening. I don’t have high hopes, considering how eager the Republicans have been to kowtow to the Toilet and how eager the all-too-quiet Democrats have been to hold their hair back. But we can’t let them give up. Never get quiet.  The same applies to journalists, those who are very much responsible for their share of the damage done by this election. Call out publications who refuse to say ‘white supremacist’ instead of the almost laughably kind ‘alt-right’. Write to the editors and say you will pull your subscription unless they start doing their job, which is to provide a factual check on government, not to appease our new Toilet overlord. Contact the advertisers for those publications and say you won’t support them unless they put pressure on the publication to do a better job. Write letters to editors about how they are failing us when we need them most. And most importantly, support the ones who are actually doing a good job, or at least a relatively good one. This kind of support means a paid subscription. We are at that point when we need to pay for decent journalism if we want decent journalism to exist. The Washington Post isn’t perfect, but it’s doing a much better job than every other main, including the NYTimes. NPR is always an okay bet. The Guardian is doing a decent job. Hold your newspapers accountable. 

It really helps to have an action plan. Even if you are just making that one call a day, or even per week, or if you are boycotting certain companies and donating to charities. But we’re past the point where we can just do nothing and hope for the best. We’re all responsible now at this turning point in history. We may not be able to enjoy that deep sigh of relief for many years to come, but day by day I am getting better at breathing around the pit of despair in order to function, and fight, like how Leslie Odom Jr had to sing around the post-meal burp he always had in Act II. I hope that you are as well. 

​Having finally been able to say a few words, however rambling and stupid, about this utter tragedy, I will now try my best to resume my regular nonsensical but jovial blogging. My resistance will be equal parts fighting and trying to create light. Join me, won’t you?