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It’s Still Chanukah! Fried Maccabees/Mac & Cheese

December 19, 2014
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     Happy Hanukkah continued! What a great holiday! Yesterday, I promised to share more posts about frying random foods, because Hannukah is about oil and what not. Mac & cheese was mentioned, and I’m not one to go back on my word. Well, I fried mac & cheese today. I’m going to tell you how to do it, but I’m not sure whether I recommend you actually follow suit. It was weird. Some of you may have been lucky enough to try the fried mac & cheese burger at Portland’s White Owl Social Club before it left the menu, but I was silly and I ordered something else the one time I was there. Some people said a fried ball of vegan mac & cheese was amazing. Some said it was disgusting. I set out to see for myself. 

      Well, I tried to make it into balls. I know now why every non-vegan recipe for deep-fried mac & cheese relies on egg mixed into the macaroni. Pasta balls really like falling apart! It turned into more of a patty, even though I mashed the pasta up pretty well. I’m sure it still tastes the same. That taste, by the way, is tempura skin. I guess that is just ‘fried’. Every time I have fried food, I remember that I don’t really like it. And then I forget and try again like 12 hours later, apparently. Someone remind me next time that I don’t like fried food. Anyway, here are some ‘instructions’. 
Fried Mac & Cheese
     If you figure out a way to get the pasta to stay together better that isn’t real egg or flax egg (that would not taste good), let me know please. I didn’t have the will to try again. Too much frying. 

Ingredients: 

  • A batch of vegan macaroni and cheese, made the day before and refrigerated (it needs to be cold)
  • A bowl of breadcrumbs
  • Oil for frying

Directions: 

  1. Take a handful of mac & cheese. Mash it with a fork or squeeze the hell out of it with your hand. Probably do both. 
  2. Roll it in the breadcrumbs so there’s a thick coating.
  3. Heat the oil over medium heat in a frying pan.
  4. Fry the mac ball in the oil for 5 minutes each side. 
  5. If your ball falls apart, just press it with a spatula into a patty. I think it’s better this way. Not that I think any of this is good at all. 

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Simpsons-shaped pasta not required

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There’s a mac ball in there!

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Just a ball and a patty in a little canoe with the moon shining all around
Enjoy? 
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Berlin Inspirations: Vegan Currywurst Is Almost As Gross As the Real Thing

September 23, 2014
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     Okay, today’s Berlin Inspiration really IS inspired by specific experiences during my travels! Currywurst, Germany’s favorite fast food, is a fried sausage cut up and served with curry ketchup sauce. Not only was currywurst sold on literally every corner in Berlin, in little hot dog vendor-style carts, but we also got to try vegan currywurst at Voner! So Voner’s was decent, but it was still covered in sweet ketchuppy curry sauce – that’s what makes it currywurst. Are you still wondering why it’s called currywurst? It’s because it’s the worst way to consume curry. Seriously. Currywurst is the food version of Mona Lisa Saperstein. 

No but really, millions of German people can’t be wrong about something sausage related. They’ve been wrong about several really important things, but I’m going to give them weird meat foods. So, it’s probably just me who thinks this is weird. And if that’s the case, well here’s a really easy recipe so you can see whether you like it or whether you agree with me that it’s the currywurst. 

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My first mistake mayyy have been buying something called “soya chunks” from the somewhat shady Indian grocery around the corner. They looked like an interesting sort of dog food when I saw them in the store, but they were cheap and I didn’t feel like spending a lot of money on ready-made vegan sausage. Sometimes it is better to spend more money on things you are going to eat. Anyway, I had high hopes that they would be better once cooked. These hopes were quickly dashed once I opened the bag and smelled, again, the smell of an interesting sort of dog food. I soaked them in water for several hours, which successfully engorged the nuggets but sadly strengthened the weird Kibbles-y smell. So, no matter how or how long I cooked them, they were likely never going to be delicious. But let’s try it anyway, I said! (Or you should just use a better sausage substitute. Like anything.)
CURRYWURST
Ingredients:

  • 1 small onion, diced
  • 1 tablespoon olive oil
  • 1 tablespoon curry powder
  • 1 teaspoon paprika
  • 1/2 cup water
  • 2 cups vegan sausage of some sort don’t use what I used because gross
  • 1/3 cup ketchup (ew)

Directions:

  1. Saute the onion in the oil for about 6 minutes. You know how to do this!
  2. Add the curry and paprika and stir for a minute. 
  3. Add the water and the ketchup and mix well. Bring to a boil, then simmer uncovered and let it reduce until thickened. 
  4. If you are using a sausage sub that needs to be cooked, like I did, you can boil it with the sauce. Otherwise, you can pour the sauce over it when it’s done (more authentic). 
  5. If you used a regular kind of vegan sausage or you made your own seitan, brava! Go eat this! If you used soya chunk chow for big dogs instead, don’t eat it. Also don’t give it to dogs. So mean. Dogs are the best. 

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The last time everything was OK.

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Sure, like adding another squirt of ketchup is going to help

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Oh sure add more curry powder, that’s going to make a difference.
How do you feel about currywurst? I would honestly love to know. Have you ever had it in Germany? Have you made your own? What should I do with the rest of my bag of soya chunks? Should I ask for a refund? Enjoy!!!!

Veganizing “Friends”: Monica’s Kiwi Lime Pie

September 26, 2013
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     Ooh we’re finally making the famous kiwi lime pie! I know you kids are excited. As you will recall, in “The One With The Baby On The Bus”, Monica whipped up a lovely pie, and shared it with Chandler, Joey, and Ross. But after a few bites, Ross’s tongue started to swell up and he realized the delicious pie was trying to kill him: 

Ross: Unnhh, unnnh, unnnnnhh.

Joey: You okay, Ross?

Ross: I don’t know. Unhhhh. What’s in this pie?

Monica: Oh, I don’t know, butter and eggs and flour and lime and kiwi…

Ross: Kiwi? Kiwi?? You said it was a key lime pie.

Monica: No I didn’t, I said kiwi lime. That’s what makes it so special.

Ross: That’s what’s going to kill me. 

      Poor Ross! (Though his mangled final words are pretty damn hilarious.) So, we’re going to make kiwi lime pie! We’re going to use kiwi and lime and flour but of course not butter or eggs. Actually…we may not even use flour. It’s going to be as delicious as Monica’s but hopefully not as poisonous for any of you. Deal? 
      I’m going to start with a basic key lime pie, and then I’ll mix chopped fresh kiwi into the batter. Remember: If you are allergic to kiwi, leave it out. Don’t eat it. Relax. Don’t do it. 
      SPECULOOS COOKIE CRUST
I mean, of course I’m using speculoos cookies, but you can use any graham crackers for the crust. 
INGREDIENTS:

  • 7oz speculoos or graham cookies, processed into a powder
  • 5T vegan butter (I used half butter half coconut butter)
  • dash of almond milk

DIRECTIONS: 

  1. Mix the ingredients together with your fingers and press into a pie dish
  2. Bake at 375° for 15 minutes
  3. Let cool on countertop

                 KIWI LIME PIE
INGREDIENTS: 

  • 1C unsweetened almond milk
  • 4oz. MimicCreme (if you don’t have it, use more almond milk and then switch to full-fat coconut milk below)
  • 2T cornstarch
  • 2t agar powder
  • 1 can light coconut milk
  • 1/2C lime juice
  • 1/3C sugar
  • 5T agave or coconut nectar, or maple syrup
  • 1T coconut oil
  • 2t vanilla extract 
  • 1C fresh kiwi, chopped small (I used 3 kiwis)

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All our ingredients

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“It’s hard to believe that just a little while ago this was nothing but ingredients”
DIRECTIONS:

  1. Mix together the almond milk, MimicCreme, cornstarch, and agar in a saucepan
  2. Bring to a boil, and keep stirring for several minutes. It should get very thick
  3. After no more than 7 minutes, add the coconut milk, sugar, coconut oil, agave, lime juice, and vanilla
  4. Stir for about 10-15 minutes
  5. Remove saucepan from heat, and let cool and thicken for a bit, until it is not boiling hot
  6. Drop the kiwi into the saucepan, and stir through
  7. Pour into the pie dish, and refrigerate for several hours, or overnight
  8. It makes a lot of filling so if you have an extra large pie dish, it’s a good time to use it

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Told you it made a lot! Overflow! (Almost)
    This came out very nicely! It’s pretty delicious, and would be even better with whipped cream on top. Sadly, I don’t have any, but one day…one day. Enjoy! 

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Pac-Man Pie!!!! An homage to Chandler’s Ms. Pac-Man machine, perhaps?
Giveaway Trivia!!

  1. How does Ross get through the allergy shot? 
  2. In this episode’s main story, Chandler & Joey leave Ben on the bus (!!) and have to pick him up at Human Services. The two idiots have to decide between two similar-looking babies, wearing onesies featuring what designs? 
  3. In Phoebe’s storyline, she protests outside Central Perk for what reason?
  4. When Phoebe is playing outside, a stranger drops a condom in her guitar case. Who does that stranger turn out to be? 
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