Hell Yeah Veganism: “Challenge Accepted”

October 11, 2013

Hi everyone! I’m going to be away for about a week (unless I am able to blog on the road!), but in the meantime I have a request for you. My next TV-related posts (to appear concurrently with Veganizing “Friends” and others) will be a Barney Stinson-inspired “Challenge Accepted” series!

While the actual food made on “How I Met Your Mother” will be for a different project (which I will be able to announce soon!), this project will cover any food (or drink!) that you want me to veganize. I’m really only saying it’s HIMYM-related so I can use “Challenge Accepted” gifs like it’s my job. Give me your crazy, your interesting, your memories, whatever you want, and I will veganize it. For example, my aunt expressed her desire for chocolate-covered bacon (gross!) and fried Oreos (at least the Oreos are already vegan!). I guess I need to buy a deep-fryer!
Comment below with what you want to see, or just say hi, and I’ll see you in a bit!

Yellow Juice Bar in Center City, Philly

October 4, 2013

This used to be my playground…

It’s kind of ridiculous how much I love green juice. I’m probably the last person (/vegan blogger) who would tell people to eat something that doesn’t taste great just because it’s good for you. But guess what? Veggie juice, when done right, is AMAZING. It’s like my favorite thing after hummus and Ron Swanson. So how happy am I that a new juice place has opened in Philly?
Philly has been screaming for more juice bars, at least in Center City. (At least in my head.) I needs my juice! And with more vendors creating more competition, the prices are getting much more affordable. I’m tired of spending upwards of $10 in the suburbs for a juice that I down in about 9 seconds. (I drink juice fast.) No juice should cost almost a dollar per second! Luckily, the new Yellow Juice Bar, right across from Helium Comedy Club at 2046 Sansom, is not only well-priced but delicious.
Upon entering, I was delighted to see that Yellow Juice Bar offers smoothies with protein add-ins, some vegan food options, and banana whips in addition to juice! Also, adorably, they call the banana whips Banana Twirls. It’s like ballet dancing for fruit.

The wraps are only $6! Hooray for not-NYC!

I love chalkboard menus

Before getting to the important stuff (what I ordered and how it tasted), can we just take a moment to appreciate those prices? Yes, it’s still a lot of money for a drink, but not compared to what other juice bars charge for the same if not inferior products. $6 for the biggest size is good in my book for a place in Center City. I do wish they had a 24oz. size, though.

Usually my juice tastes veer towards veg-heavy and fruit-light, so I ordered the 16oz. Green Day juice: spinach, cucumber, celery, kale. With no apple in it to balance all the green, I asked the guy if he’d add some ginger so, because I love ginger. He added a bit of lemon and ginger, and had me try it before declaring it finished. I don’t know why, but when he said, “Do you want me to add more ginger?”, I said yes. Oops! It was pretty spicy, but it wasn’t overpowering and I still tasted mostly green. Pretty nice!

I also ordered a shot of wheatgrass. At $3, it’s on the more expensive end of what wheatgrass shots should cost, but this could have been the best shot I’ve had of the stuff. It was really sweet and had no aftertaste, which in itself is worth an extra dollar. So good. And, it comes with a frozen orange bite, which I adore. I can’t abide places that don’t give a piece of orange with their wheatgrass.
I was nearly awash with juice, but then the two guys working behind the counter offered me a shot of ginger. I stood by the counter and the three of us clinked our little shot glasses and downed a fresh ounce of pure ginger. Umm, have you ever had just pure ginger juice before? It is ROUGH. I mean, I loved it, but it is rough! My insides were on fire for a good 3 hours. Hot damn! You have to try this! It was so nice of them to offer me some after I made my love of ginger known. There were a few other patrons watching as my face and body went through convulsions for a good minute, so that was a little embarrassing, but then I felt kind of amazing. So much juice!
I’m definitely going to frequent Yellow Juice Bar, and I’m eager to try the smoothies, the food, and of course the dancing yellow fruits. Did I mention that they have a bathroom? And it’s pretty clean? Another point! And they deliver! If you’re into that sort of thing.
The only thing I really dislike about this place is that it opened now, after I’ve moved out of the building literally a block away. Other than its bad timing, it’s pretty great. I’ll be going here often! Hopefully they will institute some punch cards for frequent customers, because I love me some punch cards. Almost as much as I love green juice. (No, not nearly as much as I love green juice.)

Vegan Guide to Michelin Restaurants: De Librije in Zwolle, Holland

March 6, 2016

*This post is part of a series in which I eat fancy Michelin-starred meals and then brag about it.

Recently, we took a 45-minute flight to Amsterdam, city of canals and bicycles. But instead of exploring that beautiful city, we took an hour-long train to the tiny town of Zwolle, which is home to adorable little hotels and not much more. Why did we go to this rando Nethertown in the middle of Netherwhere? Because Zwolle (not to be confused with swoll, the cool kids’ new word for…swollen? cool kids are weird) is also home to De Librije, a 3-Michelin star (3***!!!) restaurant and hotel. And because my life is dope and I do dope shit (only time I will quote Yeezy).

Being awarded 3 Michelin stars is the highest achievement a restaurant can get, well besides being an actual financial success where people like to eat. The only other 3-star restaurant I’ve been to is Alinea, which was the greatest meal imaginable on this or any planet. So De Librije had a lot to prove, because Michelin stars take into account not only the food but the service, the presentation, and a host of intangibles. While the experience was great, and the presentation was superb, neither the food nor the service seemed worthy of 3 stars, especially compared with wonderful 1* and 2** places we’ve been. The food was fine, the service was pretty bad, but the presentation was a red 100 emoji.

What do you have to say, little Sunday cartoons? Are you for trading?

Before we get started with the food, I have to warn you that I don’t have full knowledge of what all the dishes in these pictures contained. Reasons: 1) The waiters weren’t great at speaking English and we were not great at adding lots of vowels to our words to fake being Dutch. 2) Usually diners are given copies of their menus at the end of their meal, but we were given these little cards with cartoons that were indecipherable. When we emailed the restaurant, asking for a more comprehensible menu, they very kindly emailed back a list of what these cards said. Bahaha. One just says “land & sea”. That’s all we got for an entire course. So funny. So unhelpful. Also, the cards for me (I was the only vegan), as well as the emailed menu, had a lot of dairy products listed. When I asked the restaurant in that same email what was up with that, they assured me that the list was a mistake and that all my dishes were of course vegan. While I of course hope that a restaurant of this caliber would know what vegan means, I’m still the tiniest bit skeptical now; wouldn’t you be?

De Librije dining room

But anyway, let’s look at pretty pictures of food! Or, wait, this is me – I guess I mean pictures of pretty food! As is expected at places like this, we were given several off-menu plates before the actual courses began. Here, we had a crispy mushroom puff with regular mushroom, greenery, and some kind of cream that I hope wasn’t cream. It was a really good first bite! It’s on a bed of fried bits. No, not joking, like fried bits like when you fry stuff and all the bits are left in the pan? I don’t know man. I ate them. I wasn’t supposed to.

Next, we had what I’m going to guess were lentil crackers with dilly cream (please don’t say crema unless the rest of your words are Italian or Spanish too, such a weird thing to do. Also don’t say ‘with au jus’) and this is one of the things I am iffy about because there are four, which means we all ate the same thing, which seems wrong. Husband seems to recall that the waiter pointed out which one was for me, maybe the one without the peanut that’s not a peanut? I’m not sure but I hope he is right!

Next was a pile of rocks with seaweed hidden all around them! There was also a very good beet chip with assorted unknown sauces and vegetable pieces, but the seaweed was really the main draw for me. I don’t think we were supposed to eat it, but I like to break rules. I’m a rule breaker. I also ate all the seaweed from the others’ plates. They were like what is wrong with this person. Seaweed is really good.

After the plate of rocks came a bowl of baby onions. Cipollini oh nee ons! Who was that guy on that show that said that beautifully? I forget. Anyway, this was like a little birds nest of shaved onions, carrots, beets maybe, all fried together with the tiniest greens on top. Very nice! It came with a banana chip – I got several of these, I’m not sure if they ran out of ideas, really liked this particular idea, or just gave me two of the same dish, but I won’t complain.

Atop another bed of bits I probably wasn’t supposed to eat but really liked, the banana chips were bent into a cool shape with greens and crunchy vegetables and something like baba ganoush in the middle. It probably wasn’t baba ganoush but I’m just saying it was something like it. Hollandaise version. How pretty does it look though? They were experts at presentation here; everything is beautiful.

Next was the funniest part of the meal. This waiter comes over and goes, “I’d like to prepare the next dish on your hands.” We’re like what. So we all warily put our hands out and got crap squeezed on it. This is the course I question the most, because we all got the same green cream squeezed on our hands, and the others’ menu says this was some kind of mayonnaise, which is the grossest foodstuff in the world. Boo urns. Aside from that, it was a cute concept that they nicely gave us wet towels for cleaning after, but still kinda whatever.

Look I got another banana chip dish! It’s a lot better than other banana chips I’ve had. I’ve never really been a fan of dried or chipified fruit but if you’re gonna have one, have it here. I think this one was on a bed of nuts, so I ate a lot of that too. The caviar is a garnish!

Oh then we got four rolls with certain kinds of butter they were really excited about (I got olive oil, thank you for remembering) and they were pretty decent rolls. But then we got entire little loaves of bread, seen at right, which we all way too quickly devoured, so quickly that the staff assumed we didn’t get the bread, so they swiftly brought out another, and then another. By the third loaf of bread, we figured that they all must have been laughing at us in the kitchen, like ‘look at these English speaking fools eating their weight in bread har har har!” so what who cares. Good bread.

Next, this simple but delicious bowl of Brussels sprouts (or as my phone likes to call them, Brussels sports) with microgreens and a great, mild sauce with a tiny bit of lemongrass, I think, was a lovely counterpoint to the four loaves of bread I had just eaten. It wasn’t spectacular, but it tasted good.

One of my favorites was this double-decker cabbage bowl, which had whiskers shooting out the top, beetroot in the middle, and some pomegranate seeds I think. The bottom of the bowl had a delicious puree and it was all very nice. The white stuff, I fear is creme fraiche because that’s what my ‘incorrect’ menu says, and I’m not sure what else it could be, but I’m hoping they had like some soy or cashew creams in the back maybe?

Ah, some deliciously salty greenery was up next. This was a very miso-like sauce with weeds growing out of it and I loved it. Nuts or beans on the bottom? This is getting kind of out of hand. We asked a few times what was happening on our plates but usually the person whose attention we managed to grab (more on that later) wouldn’t know or didn’t really speak English or maybe just pretended not to since we were the youngest patrons and they were probably offended by our presence?

Even more delicious were these tulip bulbs with black garlic puree and barbecued celeriac. Or at least that’s the menu item I’m guessing this is. No I really remember actually, I was eating this and it was soo good and I said, oh so this is what black garlic is. I don’t know if I’ve ever had it before, but I love it. It really is strikingly different from regular garlic. That puree is the stuff dreams are made of. This was probably the best savory dish.

This was great too! It was a cauliflower heart, heavy on the flower part I guess because the shape was much more beautiful than the regular old caulisflower one usually finds, topped with madras curry and currants. All the c words. Well not all. This was really good and I especially liked the fresh cucumber pieces that helped to cut the warmth of the curry. Have we noticed though, that almost every fancy restaurant that isn’t vegan will give me a cauliflower course?

The following course was very dessert-y, but it wasn’t at the dessert stage yet. I remember being like phew, we’re done with the savories, but then look what comes after this! Anyway, this was blackberry ice with ‘water mint’ and what looks like a micro-watermelon but I have no idea what it was, some kind of melon I guess. Very enjoyable.

See, next was another savory dish! My menu says this is ‘first milk chicory’ with spices but I highly doubt that. It was like a rice soup with shaved greens and spring onions. I really like soup so I really enjoyed this. That white blog I think was citrus ice. Wait that can’t be right. Unless it is. This place did play with what was dessert and what was dinner, so whatever, maybe it was both, I don’t know, it was good.

clipped wings I was a broken thing

had a voice had a voice but I could not sing

you would wind me down

I struggled on the ground

so lost the line had been crossed

had a voice had a voice but I could not talk

you held me down

I struggle to fly now

but there’s a scream inside that we all try to hide

we hold on so tight

we cannot deny eats us alive

oh it eats us alive

yes there’s a scream inside that we all try to hide

we hold on so tight but I don’t wanna die no

I don’t wanna die, I don’t wanna die, yeahhh

and I don’t caaare if I sing off key

Before the rest of the desserts (or before the start of the desserts, who knows really) came out, the waiters asked us if we wanted tea or coffee. Listen up, people. If you are ever in a restaurant like this, with a seemingly never-ending tasting menu, you ALWAYS, ALWAYS order tea or coffee if they ask. Why? Because it sort of unlocks another level in the meal, as if you were in a culinary video game where you have to collect all these hidden light-up coins as points. When they bring your tea or coffee, they without fail bring other dishes that you wouldn’t have gotten otherwise. That might seem unfair to those of you who don’t drink tea or coffee, but think of how much better your teeth are. But now you know anyway to always say yes to it. We’ve gotten some awesome secret-tea-round desserts in the past, but this was probably my favorite one: The tea/coffee was ITSELF the secret dessert dish. Look at my mint tea up there! It was a play on mint tea, with fresh, light, delicious sorbet on an ice pack with a sugared mint leaf and something like a brown sugar fan on the side. It was on an ice pack full of what looked like mint tea, actually, and at one point I thought I was supposed to cut the pack with my knife and somehow drink the contents. It’s good that I don’t follow through on everything I think. The coffee was even more fun – the cappucino was cappucino ice cream with chocolate accoutrement and whipped cream and it all looked absolutely awesome. I guess the only downside is if you actually wanted plain old hot coffee or tea but I think they brought them later. Who remembers in the food haze.

I find myself in my melodies

I sing for love, I sing for me

The cutest part of the dinner was this little chocolate-topped toadstool looking thing. I mean speaking of video games, doesn’t it remind you of something out of one? Maybe Toadstool, could be. Anyway, here they brought me my own plate of the dark chocolates they said were vegan, and they were great. I don’t think I got all the flavors the others got, but still, I’m at a restaurant like this that isn’t Alinea and they have chocolate for me? Happy dance.

Oh yes, that is on yet another ice pack. They love using their ice packs instead of plates here. Pretty smart for ice cream though, I kind of love it.

The last part of this epic meal I wish came second to last. The chocolates would have been a lovely and appropriate ending. It just seems like a proper way to say goodbye, right? Chocolate is the right way to say anything! But I had something else coming – this curry sorbet. Yes, it’s curry flavored ice cream. Oh my goodness. It tasted pretty good, and 100 points for creativity and all, but still, it is curry ice cream. The fruit bits were nice. I liked very much that all my desserts weren’t repeated plates of fruit, as happens so frequently. I’m glad I got to try something so creative and unique but still, curry ice cream.

I shout it out like a bird set free

So, overall, it was a lovely dinner, visually. It had the best presentation and used the coolest dishes, in fact. The food had some wonderful points and was overall solid. However, it did not seem 3 Michelin stars-worthy. Normally I would attribute this to the vegan menu, to their being unused to accommodating vegans to their menu, but the three people I was with (who had their standard menu) agreed that it was not spectacular. Good, but not one of the best meals ever, which it should have been. The thing that stuck out the most, however, was how poor the service was. I always run out of water quickly, and although at places like this I expect attention to be paid, I still give a lot of leeway. But when everyone at my table was out of water, out of all drinks, and no one paid attention to us for a half hour or so? That’s not good. Throughout the night, I asked whoever I could grab for this or that (usually for water), and the person would always say, “oh okay I will grab your waiter” or sometimes “I will be right back with that.” They never did and never were. I really couldn’t believe that this was happening in such a place! It shouldn’t be! What were the stars based on? Oy. Still, I’m so glad we went. It was a beautiful place and a pretty special experience. We also stayed in their hotel and had an epic breakfast the next morning, which I will talk about next time.

DE LIBRIJE, ZWOLLE, NETHERLANDS
Water speed: See above. It was actually atrocious, to be honest. Embarrassing for a restaurant of this caliber, and inexcusable. SHAME! SHAME!
Service: Okay, shaky okay. They were nice enough when we could get them to pay attention to us, if uninformed about what the crap we were eating.
Bathrooms: The bathrooms were fine, modern, and clean, but the best part? Black toilet paper! So weird! I’ve never seen that before! I’m sharing a picture of it. Yes I took pictures in the toilet.
Food: Overall good, with some standouts. Some creative choices were weird, but I’d rather that then boring safe stuff, I think. Still, not 3 stars.
Bonus: Beautiful space in a lovely hotel. Check back tomorrow to see the rooms!