If you can’t tell by the title of this post, I’m a bit peeved. Tony Horton has gone even crazier than he was before.
After hearing that “bum-ba-bum-ba-bum-bum BEACHBODY” title ditty nearly every day for the last five years, I was/am excited to try the fitness empire’s newest offering: P90X3. It will be very trying to give up my favorite workout, Insanity!, for 3 months, but I am curious to see if X3 really can provide the power plays of the original P90X in half the time. (God those P90X strength hours were boooooring. Thank goodness for Bobby Stevenson and Daniel Haas. And, of course, Pam the Blam, who I want to be president.) I decided to review X3 here to keep me motivated. In doing the newest X workout, I hope that 1) I will be able to do all kinds of creative pull-ups by the end, and many of them, and 2) I’ll restart Insanity! for the bazillionth time after finishing and do better than ever. (I’ll review that one too, when we get there.)
After hearing that “bum-ba-bum-ba-bum-bum BEACHBODY” title ditty nearly every day for the last five years, I was/am excited to try the fitness empire’s newest offering: P90X3. It will be very trying to give up my favorite workout, Insanity!, for 3 months, but I am curious to see if X3 really can provide the power plays of the original P90X in half the time. (God those P90X strength hours were boooooring. Thank goodness for Bobby Stevenson and Daniel Haas. And, of course, Pam the Blam, who I want to be president.) I decided to review X3 here to keep me motivated. In doing the newest X workout, I hope that 1) I will be able to do all kinds of creative pull-ups by the end, and many of them, and 2) I’ll restart Insanity! for the bazillionth time after finishing and do better than ever. (I’ll review that one too, when we get there.)
But after finishing Week 1, do you know what I’ve accomplished? I’ve been able to hold my shit together enough to not throw the 5-pound weight at the TV as Tony repeatedly and continuously reviews the selling points of X3 and mocks people who go to the gym instead. It bears repeating – he wastes most of his airtime trying to sell a system that the people watching HAVE ALREADY BOUGHT. It’s nigh infuriating. Has he lost his mind? Does he not realize what he’s doing? Does he not realize how annoying it is, or that many people, including yours truly, cannot harness the power of Thor and work out at her best when she is so annoyed?
It’s not all bad. Some of the workouts actually do provide a great workout in only 30 minutes. Some of them suck. Let’s review week 1!
It’s not all bad. Some of the workouts actually do provide a great workout in only 30 minutes. Some of them suck. Let’s review week 1!
Day 1: Total Synergistics
Kind of mad about this workout! During this mixture of strength moves, I didn’t break a sweat – and that is not a comment about how I’m so in shape or anything like that. It’s just slow and sparse with moves (yet it felt longer than my usual actually longer workouts). I hope that it is easier to balance out what is coming tomorrow, but I can’t help feeling cheated out of a workout today.
A few things:
- Cold Start, the 12-minute warm-up to add when it’s extra cold out, or when you are extra tight, is on every DVD. It’s not a separate DVD. This would have been helpful to know before starting, because I wasted 20 minutes looking for it and searching for “I didn’t get Cold Start DVD in my X3 package!” tweets.
- The Branon Boat is my favorite move from this. It’s a difficult ab move that I can pretty much do, but not easily, and I can tell that with practice I will improve. That’s how the exercises should be.
- Crawly Push Ups were fun, but they weren’t enough to make up for the lackluster push-up presence.
As for the backup team, Dreya is back! But she is a shadow of her former self, and it made me sad. She can still kick some serious ass, but she no longer has an ass. :/
Day 2: Agility X
This was a much better workout than Total Synergistics, but it’s not even as good as Plyo X from regular P90X. Again, it just felt like half of that workout, not a more intense version.
So, this workout requires that you tape up your floor so you have exact points to aim for while you jump and run. I like that in theory, but in practice it sucks. Who has floors equipped for this? My tape slipped all over.
This workout has the famous plyo push-ups that we saw in the teaser trailer, and they are amazingly fun. I took it easy and didn’t go very high off the ground, because I like having the use of my wrists. How is this move harder than the power push-ups in Insanity, when you jump to your feet? It doesn’t make sense. But it is. Nice move!
All the running along the tapes seemed very silly. It would have been great to do during the warm-up, but it seemed lame to be the crux of the workout. In contrast, the jumping from X to X on one leg was a solid, difficult move. Approved!
The last 5 minutes of this video is the main reason for my annoyance at Tony. For way too long, he pretends to be a guy going to the gym, needing to change out of his suit from work, and using the elliptical machine and not getting good results, etc. Basically, 5 minutes of preaching to the choir that ‘this is the way to exercise’. Like, WE ALREADY BOUGHT THIS. What the hell is his point? It is actually revoltingly annoying.
It’s not helped by Tony’s repeated suggestions that one of the backup team members, Lauren, ‘Beyonce-ify’ everything. What the hell. It’s really annoying. Between the Beyoncification and Tony’s sales pitch, I dread doing this workout again.
Day 3: Yoga X3
Hot damn. Ok. So I know from the forums that Yoga X, the 90-minute Yoga from P90X, is one of the most polarizing issues since Anne Hathaway. So many people despise it. I adore it. I’ve continued doing it regularly even though I haven’t done the rest of X in years (save for ARX, because it’s the best). Needless to say, I had high hopes for this supposedly more intense version.
Instead of doing Yoga X3, I suggest that you do the first 40 minutes of the original Yoga X. Or really any yoga video marked intermediate or above. X3 is boring and barely made my muscles twitch. Yes, many of the positions are difficult, but you are only holding them for a few beats, not long enough to make a dent. It’s maybe worth doing once to see the man in the backup team, who is one of the most impressive yogis I’ve ever had the privilege of watching. Man alive! Or you can use it as a rest day video, as I might. But it’s not nearly strong enough to use on a full, hard workout day. So disappointing.
Day 4: CVX
Now we’re talking! This cardio workout pushed me the hardest yet, finally. It contains familiar cardio moves, some easier than others, but you do the entire thing holding a weight (or a ball). I used a 5-pound weight, and I was struggling by the end. I loved it. Now this is what a 30-minute workout should look like. It’s not impossible, but you feel like you actually broke a sweat. You might need a break, but you don’t feel silly taking it or like you are wasting precious time. Phew. Finally, a plus in the ‘pro’ column. I look forward to doing this workout again.
Day 5: The Challenge
This is one of those days when I wished I had time to do some cardio first, but I was counting on the video to provide a well-rounded workout. Although it doesn’t give any cardio, it is a solid strength workout, alternating entirely between pull-ups and push-ups, pull-ups and push-ups, until you can’t use your arms anymore. I quite enjoyed it, even though I still can’t do unassisted pull-ups. (Remember – if I don’t return it – that this is my major goal with using this system!) My upper body is super sore (in a good way…except for my neck, which is twingey), and I don’t feel like I wasted my exercise time.
I recommend, as I did, doing jumping jacks or running in place between each move. Otherwise, it’s too stationary. Also, the light cardio helps to loosen up your quickly dying upper body muscles.
You might be thinking, ‘it doesn’t seem like a good enough workout to get your approval after how harsh you are being.’ And you’re right. It’s just decent, but you know what pushes it over the edge? BOBBY STEVENSON! My aforementioned 3rd favorite part of P90X is back! He’s like 20 years older, gray, and the spitting image of Bill Nye the Science Guy, but I’m so glad my old friend is back.
Day 6: The Warrior
Yes! Now, this is the workout P90X3 promised to provide. Finally. Tony said (several times) that he brings this mix of push-up challenges and squat challenges to military bases around the world. It was a solid, difficult combination of isometric holds and explosive movements. My favorite move was the elevator push-up, when you start in plank and lower to push-up position and all ranges in between upon Tony’s call of floor levels (like, Floor 1 is down as far as you can, Floor 2 is a bit higher, &c.). That is really hard to maintain! It’s overall a great combo workout that I look forward to doing again. However, I’m glad I did a little warm-up on the treadmill to start, because it’s definitely more strength than cardio. If my time permits, I would do a good 10 minutes of extra warming up.
On that note, it seems that the determination to make each workout about 30 minutes resulted in very awkward cuts, rather than solid planning. The warm-ups and stretches are virtually nonexistent. To be safe, you should probably warm-up and stretch on your own, or at the very least do Cold Start (which is a semi-decent way to get blood-flowing). Obviously, this throws the whole dramatic selling point of ’30 minutes!!!’ out the window. In workouts like Total Synergistics and Yoga X3, the cutting resulted in very disjointed, meager plans that don’t provide cohesive workouts, let alone make you sweat.
A few videos this week were great, and I hope that the remaining videos are even better. So far, I’m not sold, but I’m not giving up yet. I’ll be back next week reviewing either week 2…or week 4. I haven’t decided whether to skip ahead to check the different videos out before the 30-day return period is up. Eek. Not a great start Tony! I know only two things that will fix this — much harder, more intense videos to come…or Pam the Blam!
Related Posts
Happy New Years! Reflections on 2017’s Less Important Happenings!
Happy New Year, almost! Remember this time last year when amazing celebrities kept dying and Trump got elected so people were like ‘thank god 2016 is over!’ not realizing that the former would keep happening and the latter would beget so much worse awfulness because he’d actually be in POWER in 2017?! Yeah it’s been quite a year. I’m not sure if America will ever recover from the assaults against the foundations of democracy and governance but we have to try. So the most important thing to look forward to in 2018 – and work with every fiber of your being to bring about – is a big giant blue wave of votes in November. And if you’re not in America, you still have to work on your own country. I mean even Sweden with all their amazing health- and babycare is full of Nazis so DO NOT REST! Anyway, it’s not all terror and anxiety and sleepless nights and high blood pressure and fear and guilt and despair and hopelessness. Well it is under the cheeto, but we have to distract ourselves every once in a while from the gloom! What follows is a hodgepodge of my favorite such distractions from this past year, in the fields of travel, food, and entertainment, because that’s who I am and that’s what I care about. Also this is a good way to catch up on all the blog posts you didn’t read! And maybe I’ll give a few hopes for 2018, who knows we’ll see.
i feel like this sums up 2017 too, the vibe you know? like wtf is happening up is down
TRAVEL YAYS
Best Travel Day
Issyk-Kul and Fairytale Canyon, Kyrgyzstan
I had a lot of fun days this past year, mostly because we traveled SO MUCH. But one in particular comes to mind. Day 4 of our tour through Kyrgyzstan was my favorite because fun things just kept coming at us! We made our favorite piece of art; we explored the amazing Fairytale Canyon; we went swimming in Issyk-Kul lake; we had a nice time in a guest house; I got to shower and pee indoors. Great success! Click on the link to read all about it and see all the many pictures! (Obviously I’m not counting days where I sat on a couch with my doggie or played with my nephew that wouldn’t be fair to the others.)
Issyk-Kul and Fairytale Canyon, Kyrgyzstan
I had a lot of fun days this past year, mostly because we traveled SO MUCH. But one in particular comes to mind. Day 4 of our tour through Kyrgyzstan was my favorite because fun things just kept coming at us! We made our favorite piece of art; we explored the amazing Fairytale Canyon; we went swimming in Issyk-Kul lake; we had a nice time in a guest house; I got to shower and pee indoors. Great success! Click on the link to read all about it and see all the many pictures! (Obviously I’m not counting days where I sat on a couch with my doggie or played with my nephew that wouldn’t be fair to the others.)
Most amazing sights
3. The Alhambra in Granada. It was hot as balls and took days to see (not days) but it was so worth it. What an amazing place.
2. Honestly I’m forgetting a lot – we saw A LOT of shit this summer – so what immediately comes to mind is the Monte Palace Tropical Gardens in Funchal, Madeira. I was so surprised at how much I loved this place and how peaceful it felt. It’s not as famous or as recommended as the other Botanical Gardens in town, but it’s 100x better – and so much bigger! You could get lost in there for a whole day.
1. Was there any doubt? Obviously it’s the Spectacular Wall of China, which is what I call the Great Wall. It more than lives up to expectations and is completely mind-blowing. I am so lucky I got to see it!
Favorite surprising place
Nanxun was such a surprise! We stopped at this little-known (and little) water town outside Shanghai because we wanted to see a water town and heard this was nice. I didn’t expect to completely adore this gorgeous place! I mean we know I like water but this water town was on a whole other level. Amazing!
Nanxun was such a surprise! We stopped at this little-known (and little) water town outside Shanghai because we wanted to see a water town and heard this was nice. I didn’t expect to completely adore this gorgeous place! I mean we know I like water but this water town was on a whole other level. Amazing!
Favorite hotel
Come on! Is there any question? I wuv you Fraser Suites Chengdu! I wuv you!
FOOD YAYS
Best meal
The best thing I ate, Savory Edition, was my dinner at Jujubeetree Vegetarian Lifestyle in Chengdu. This is where I ordered a dish that sounded super gross and still have no idea how or why that happened, but it was some otherworldly magic that made me do it because it was the best dish oh my goddd and the best meal in all of China, which has the best food in all the world (at least where I went this past year) and now I want Sichuan food.
The best thing I ate, Savory Edition, was my dinner at Jujubeetree Vegetarian Lifestyle in Chengdu. This is where I ordered a dish that sounded super gross and still have no idea how or why that happened, but it was some otherworldly magic that made me do it because it was the best dish oh my goddd and the best meal in all of China, which has the best food in all the world (at least where I went this past year) and now I want Sichuan food.
Best dessert
Oh man, the tahini milkshake from Goldiein Philadelphia is insaaaaaane! It is like liquid halva (but not too liquid – they know real milkshakes need to be thick!). It’s so amazing that I tried to recreate it, and I did a decent job which you can find the recipe for at the above link. I’m also fo sho making it tonight to ring in the new year!
ENTERTAINMENT YAYS
Most fun at the theatre in London
“How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying”
This tiny little production at Wilton’s Music Hall – not exactly the West End – put on one of the best productions of the year, mostly because of its attention to detail and its milking of every single possible drop of humor from the script. It was hilarious and so well done.
“How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying”
This tiny little production at Wilton’s Music Hall – not exactly the West End – put on one of the best productions of the year, mostly because of its attention to detail and its milking of every single possible drop of humor from the script. It was hilarious and so well done.
Most fun at the theatre in New York
“Once On This Island”
I can’t believe I knew so little about Once On This Island before seeing the new Broadway revival, but I am in deep now. It was so delightful and I was enraptured, on the edge of my seat and forgetting everything except what was going on in the sand pit in front of me. This glorious show deserves a long run…and with my main man Norm Lewis joining the cast soon, it deserves repeat visits! I cannot wait for the cast album. I imagine my 2018 will be spent listening to it nonstop.
Funniest Things of 2017
3. I’m a terrible person I know and I still crack up at all the tee shirts I saw in China, and so many of the signs, especially the fake New Balances that don’t know what they want to be. Loves it! (at end of post)
2. “The Good Place” Season 2
I had NO IDEA how they would move on from that killer ending of season 1, just really no idea, so it’s good I’m not writing for this show because they moved on and it’s even better than it was before. Such geniuses! Every episode has like five quotes that have become permanent fixtures of my daily speech, and if I wanted to keep typing with my arms that end in stupid sticks, I would say more, especially because I have no idea what’s going on but everyone is talking and I think I should too. But nothing beats this product of the genius of all geniuses, Megan Amram, as she shared all her ideas for the ever-changing food places in the neighborhood. CAMEMBERT-BIE LET’S GO PARTY????? HAHHHHHHHH!
1. “Big Mouth” on Netflix
Who would have thought this disgustingly raunchy cartoon about kids going through puberty would be the funniest thing ever? Oh it’s from Nick Kroll? And has Maya Rudolph and John Mulaney and JASON MANTZOUKAS?? Yeah, it’s the funniest thing ever. So gross, so inappropriate, and so f-ing genius. Below is my favorite song, courtesy of the goddess among us mortals, Maya Rudolph.
Who would have thought this disgustingly raunchy cartoon about kids going through puberty would be the funniest thing ever? Oh it’s from Nick Kroll? And has Maya Rudolph and John Mulaney and JASON MANTZOUKAS?? Yeah, it’s the funniest thing ever. So gross, so inappropriate, and so f-ing genius. Below is my favorite song, courtesy of the goddess among us mortals, Maya Rudolph.
Best musical theatre albums
3. “Bandstand”
I loved this sweet, sad, so important show. It was too good to close as quickly as it did, too special, but luckily we have a cast album and it’s fantastic. Corey Cott and Laura Osnes sound impeccable on their big numbers, and all the emotion that overwhelmed in the theatre is just as strong. I cry just as hard listening to it as I did watching it, and that’s pretty special.
3. “Bandstand”
I loved this sweet, sad, so important show. It was too good to close as quickly as it did, too special, but luckily we have a cast album and it’s fantastic. Corey Cott and Laura Osnes sound impeccable on their big numbers, and all the emotion that overwhelmed in the theatre is just as strong. I cry just as hard listening to it as I did watching it, and that’s pretty special.
2. “The Band’s Visit”
Holy crap, I have not been able to listen to any other music for the past few weeks, since this album was released. David Yazbeck has created such a lovely, quiet yet gripping masterpiece. Every day I have a new favorite song: Yesterday it was Papi Hears the Ocean, Thursday it was Welcome to Nowhere (that line about Jews OMG), and today is Answer Me. But every day features at least 10 plays of Omar Sharif and Something Different, because the genius of Katrina Lenk, a force of nature in the theatre, shines just as bright on the recording. The emotion here, the humanity, ugh it’s all so good and so wonderful that they were able to capture it.
1. “Natasha, Pierre, and the Great Comet of 1812″
My biggest regret of 2017 was not appreciating this show’s brilliance when I got to see it. Actually, I saw it at the very end of 2016, so that’s my big regret of 2016…ACTUALLY, no my biggest regret of 2016 was not locking the people I knew were going to vote for Trump in their homes so they couldn’t vote. Okay that’s not very democratic, to keep people from voting – that’s something republicans like doing. I should have helped drive more people to vote or register or something. Okay I can’t think about that right now, this is supposed to be about fun distractions not sadnesses. So my big frivolous-item regret of 2017 was not seeing this amazing show again before it closed prematurely. But about that first thing- I really didn’t appreciate this show when I saw it, like a fool LIKE A FOOL. There was so much going on, and a lot of the music is hard to love on first listen. The absolute mind-blowing genius of Dave Malloy’s score can only be realized once you are actually familiar with it, so this cast album is not only my favorite and the best, but it’s also the most important and necessary. If people listened to this a few times (maybe ten) and learned all the amazing lyrics and orchestrations and all the genres referenced, they would have enjoyed the show more in person and maybe it would have lasted longer. I don’t know, but I know I would have enjoyed it more and appreciated how incredible it is. Thank goodness we are blessed with this original Broadway cast album AND the original original cast album from downtown, with Phillipa Soo as Natasha and Dave Malloy, the composer, as Pierre. I prefer the Broadway version – I think some of Denee Benton’s fun and effective choices as Natasha really come through and it’s exciting to hear, and of course there’s my Joshy G – but it’s interesting to hear the differences in the interpretations of character and the lyric changes that occurred over the years. Both are great, but the important thing is that this show is AMAZING. Was. Tear. (Please come to London maybe they will appreciate you more.)
Things I want in 2018
Theatre wants
I want “Once On This Island” to last at least until the Tony Awards and I hope it gets recognized for how genius it is.
I want “Once On This Island” to last at least until the Tony Awards and I hope it gets recognized for how genius it is.
I want Katrina Lenk to keep up her momentum for Best Actress because, although I haven’t seen the powerhouse performances to come (I mean we have a Julie Jordan and an Eliza Doolittle coming…and that’s without talking about Frozen or Mean Girls jfc this season is packed), so far she more than deserves it. She’s magicked.
Also most of all I need to see the above mentioned new shows coming! Ahhhh Jessie Mueller in Carousel??? With Joshua Henry??? I faint.
Travel hopes
I hope we don’t get heat stroke in Australia. (P.s. we’re going to Australia! IN FEBRUARY. It’s gonna be so hot!). Even more than that I hope we don’t get bitten by all the thousands of millions of deadly animals in Australia.
REAL NEEDS
GIMME AN I! GIMME AN M! GIMME A P! GIMME AN E! GIMME AN A! GIMME A C! GIMME AN H! (DID I SPELL THAT RIGHT?) also please send all of them to jail. ALL OF THEM.
Come on 2018!!! Be good to us!
Voting with Your Dollar: 3 More Co’s on My Naughty List, Plus Thoughts on Cashless Businesses
This is #2 in the Vote With Your Dollar series in which I ruin things you probably love, and I’m sorry, but like, the world is a mess and we should try to do better. Every other Friday I’ll be here ruining stuff for you!
Today we are discussing three more businesses across vegan food and clothing/commerce I will not support: Papa John’s Pizza, Wayfair home goods, and Forever 21 cheap ass clothing. I’ve also got some thoughts on the hottest trend in capitalism: cashless businesses.
Papa John’s Pizza
I have been vegan for 11 years now, so those of you who are likewise not baby vegans can appreciate how difficult it was when we were just starting out all those years ago. Remember those vegan ‘cheeses’ that were probably made of cardboard? Remember making your own almond milk (out of necessity and not preference)? Remember getting a dry portabella mushroom on a bun with an enormous roasted red pepper whenever you deigned to go to a restaurant? Suffice it to say, being vegan nowadays, especially in big cities like London, is unbelievably easy and fun and exciting. What new incredible product will be released today? What restaurant will announce a fantastic new vegan option today? What new vegan soft-serve can I find? It never ends!
However exciting all these developments are, not all of them are good. I don’t mean tasting; I’m sure they all taste good. But something being ‘vegan’ isn’t enough to warrant our support. The company has to not be an asshole, at MINIMUM. I think that’s a pretty good rule! It’s hard to enforce consistently, but that’s what I’m here to help with and I hope you’ll help me too: figuring out which companies are decent and which are Papa John’s. Oh, today’s Vegan Food I Don’t Support and You Can Decide on Your Own I’m Not Telling You Not to Patronize Them I’m Just Telling You What I Do is Papa John’s and their newish vegan pizza options. Listen. I’m sure it’s delicious. Well no, it is Papa John; I’m sure it’s edible. And I remember how sad it was to not find good vegan pizza for like, years! I get it! Pizza is the best food on the planet and you shouldn’t have to stop eating it as a vegan!
But there’s no reason to have to choose Papa John. First of all, in London?? We have incredible vegan pizza options all over the city, including Purezza (man alive!), Picky Wops (what a name), even all the big chains like Voodoo Ray’s and Pizza Union and Basilico have vegan options. There are dozens of veg-friendly pizza joints all over the city I haven’t even been to yet! There’s a tiny shop that just opened around the corner from me that has vegan cheese! It’s EVERYWHERE. I have no reason to get Papa John’s when there’s all this actually good vegan pizza all over the place.
BUT, even if these other options didn’t exist, I still wouldn’t. Sure, that’s because I make my own really excellent pizza (Imah half eye-tal I gotta that spicy meataball in my bloodah), but also because this guy John? He ain’t my papa. He sucks.
John Schnatter, former CEO and founder of Papa John’s, is a long-time republican which sure used to just mean white businessman but now means an active racist, sexist, homophobe, anti-Semite, anti-everything good pretty much little fucker. Don’t believe me? He donated to the Cheeto Mussolini campaign. He spoke out against Obama and the Affordable Care Act, and famously stated that if he was forced to pay for the ACA and give his employees healthcare, his pizza prices would go up a certain number of measly cents. (To which the sensible world responded, “you mean you could be giving your employees g-d health insurance if you just charged 8c more???!!” and rightly boycotted.)
Then, he was loudly on the wrong side of history during the NFL protest controversy. And while he did resign as CEO after his use of the n-word on that matter came to light, this is still the business he founded, and a company is built on the ethos of its founder. I would guess that his viewpoints and beliefs are reflected at all levels of management within this company. No founder, or CEO, or racist, exists in a vaccum. Also, John still retains a stake in the company, obviously, since he founded it, and he is worth more than ¾ of a BILLION dollars. So, like, fuck that.
Wayfair Furniture
Moving is the worst, decorating a new home can be frustrating, and finding affordable but still stylish furniture is a nightmare. That’s why online home giant Wayfair has become such a successful brand. But fuck them. Wayfair may have sold that adorable side table and pineapple lamp to your friend from work, but you know who else they sold furniture to? The detention facilities at the U.S. Mexico border. Wayfair is in a partnership with the monsters running these concentration camps, and for that reason, I cannot support them.
As you may have heard, Wayfair employees recently walked out on the job to protest the company’s sales of furniture to the border detention camps. The employees involved first wrote a letter asking that the company refrain from such sales. The CEO rejected this request, naturally, because the kind of person who aids concentration camps is not the kind of person who cares about what some of his employees have to say.
You might be thinking, well the migrant kids that the U.S. government doesn’t care if they kill have to sleep somewhere! And maybe, if the Wayfair corporate leadership had said that what’s happening is atrocious but their aim was to provide beds to make this horrible experience a little easier for the children, then that would be something else. Or maybe they could have sold the furniture and donated all the profits to charity! (LIKE SO OBVIOUS.) At least maybe some of them could be said to have good intentions. But do you know what statement the leadership team made? They said that they “believe in the importance of respecting diversity of thought within the organization and our customer base. No matter how strongly any one of us feels about an issue, it is important to keep in mind that not all employees or customers agree.” So they basically said, just because some of you easily replaceable employees don’t like that people are dying in concentration camps doesn’t mean we all do, so we have to respect the views of our fellow workers who LOVE the camps. I mean. And then of course they said as a retailer, their practice is to sell their goods to anyone operating within the laws of the USA. So you know, it doesn’t matter what’s right or wrong or just, it just matters that the people in charge of deciding what’s legal or not have determined that this particular atrocity, as with many they’ve created, is ‘legal’. Cool cool cool.
So obviously Wayfair is now on my list, as is anyone and everyone who supports the concentration camps. If you’re thinking ‘but maybe people shouldn’t immigrate illegally!!’ or ‘if they didn’t want their children taken from them and put in cages then they should have thought of that before’ or ‘but it’s a corporation that needs to make money and if they didn’t sell the beds someone else would have’ then please leave a comment with your contact info so I may persuade you to get psychiatric help and/or turn off Fox News. If you’re thinking, ‘darn, that sucks, but I can’t support them anymore either if they are supporting these ICE facilities’, then congratulations, you’re a decent person and you’ll be okay without their products. Also, as far as I know Ikea is still run by magical unicorn people who love us all.
Forever 21
I know, at this rate there will be no more fast-fashion brands who are destroying the earth with their cheap production methods and their overuse of resources left for us to shop at! Forever 21 was a last-minute entry to this post, as just a few days ago I learned about their sooooo-fun new trick of sending free Atkins diet bars inside online orders. At first, it appeared that only those who had ordered plus size clothes received the diet bars – which is so unbelievably evil and straight-up rude that it’s entirely believable for this bleak ass world right now. Fortunately (?), the bars were included in online orders across the board, not just in plus-size orders, so they weren’t being totally snide mean girls all like ‘you should rully try one of these barssss also thanks for giving us your moneyyyyy!’ I mean I’m sure they still were, but at least to everyone. (Do they just want all their customers to lose weight?)
But even if it wasn’t targeted harassment at plus-size customers (I feel it necessary to reiterate they were treating paying customers like this, for fork’s sake), it’s still absolute bullshirt to include diet bars that no one asked for inside otherwise unrelated and innocuous purchases. I’m sure they don’t care if a customer had an allergy to any of the ingredients. But I know for sure they don’t care if they are sending diet products to people with disordered eating histories or body insecurity – and given, um, statistics and facts, many of the women who received this ‘gift’ fall into those categories. Here, wear our clothes and also lose weight! What a great idea! It’s not just ill-considered and rude; it’s disrespectful. It assumes, as most of the world does, that weight loss is a universal goal, and an always-positive one. Obviously, the lads over at corporate didn’t think this through, or if they did, they really don’t care about women.
Also WHO is still partnering with forking Atkins? Is it 2003 again? Go fork yourself. Also your clothes are crap.
Cashless Businesses
A friend of mine recently said that he was on a mission to no longer support cashless businesses. Since London seems to be going all cashless lately and I am very aware of le crime, I was like but why? Isn’t it easier and safer and faster and just funner? (I didn’t say that.) Going cashless may help businesses thwart off potential robbers, I guess, but a) that’s not actually an enormous problem to begin with and b) the real result is turning away a significant portion of the community. Cashless businesses disenfranchise part of our population that is already incredibly vulnerable: homeless people, migrants, poor people in general who are unbanked. Not everyone has a bank account! Not everyone has access to a contactless card that makes you feel like you aren’t even spending any money because you just have to lightly tap it against the payment screen and then you’re done and it’s like whaaat was this all free? IT WASN’T. YOU’RE PRIVILEGED. As so many of our cities gentrify at alarming rates, these businesses are basically defining the clientele they want, and it doesn’t include everyone. And that’s bullshirt.
Now that I know it’s bullshirt, I’ve been doing my best to avoid patronizing businesses that don’t accept cash. It’s a tiny little action, and it probably doesn’t do anything, but aren’t most of these little protests just acts of solidarity anyway? With London being on the fast track to complete cashlessness, it’s been difficult. Just last week, Husbo and I had lunch in Canary Wharf, as we frequently do because of work, and when we went to pay, I noticed it was card only. SHIIIIIT, I said to Husbo. It’s cashless! I’m supposed to be boycotting these places! But then Husbo pointed out that we were literally in Canary Wharf – an entire little city built by banks, for banks. Of course this was a cashless place; the entire place – filled with endless underground malls – exists for bankers. Trying to support the unbanked sector of the community in Canary Wharf is literally nonsense.
But that kind of brings me to the point of all of this: you have to do what makes sense, for you and for the message you’re trying to send. This extends to veganism in general too: Sure we’d all love everyone to be vegan, but not everyone is able to, so let’s all do the best we can, and act within reason. That’s kind of the purpose of this series, after all.
If you missed the first in this series, you can find it at this link. I managed to ruin food, clothing, and musical theatre in one post!