Like most everything in our world right now, the Emmy Awards are trash. I don’t know what the voters have been smoking, probably weed with Elon since they are also mostly rich white men who can get away with it, but their annual nonsense is upon us again. The problem with the Emmys is that voters take too long to catch up to what is actually good, and when they do, it’s too late and the thing is no longer the best but they’re too lazy and proud of themselves to change their voting habits for another four years. They get stuck in ruts, they have old-fashioned taste, and most of all they don’t actually watch everything so they JUST DON’T KNOW. Honestly make me an Emmy voter, I know what’s up, and I’m going to share with you what should be winning this worthless award that I care so much about on Monday night.
First of all, putting the nominees aside, let’s talk about the trashiness of this year’s actual ceremony. Wait there are two aspects of trash (trashspects?) about the ceremony! First of this first of all, the hosts are two regular old straight guys. Yep, in a world where Amy Poehler and Tina Fey are still alive and working and I bet happy to join forces and demolish all memory of prior award show hosting, this year’s Emmys – this year, the year of MeToo – is going with two bros. BRO, WTF? What about all the amazing female comedians in the game right now that need exposure more than the hosts of Weekend Update do? What about someone like Tiffany Haddish, who has a movie coming out right now? What about any of the women from Ghostbusters? What about any of the women Louis CK yackled in front of instead of yet another couple of dudes with viewpoints that are questionable at best and downright disgusting (like defending aforementioned yackler Louis CK) in truth? YAWN SLASH RAGE.
Second of the first of all, these forking awards are on a MONDAY this year, instead of a Sunday. To quote one of the most snubbed should-be-nominees on our list, WHAT….MAN….DID THIS. Sunday is award show day. Sunday is the day you can spend sleeping in to prepare yourself for the excitement and the stress, making theme foods (my initial plan was: (veggie) shrampies with white chocolate sauce, clam chowder, frozen yogurt (can you tell what show I’m going to be talking about the most yet?)), and getting your tweeting fingers ready. More importantly, Sunday is the day I could have watched this forking show! Readers probably know I live in London, but I’m writing this from the USA. When I booked this visit, I was looking at dates and remembered thinking, ‘oh that weekend is the Emmys! I’ll fly back to London Monday night then so I can watch them on Sunday night with my family! What an auspicious turn of events! I get to watch live for the first time in years instead of cobbling together shitty youtube videos that random people took of their own TVs!’ But NOOOOOOPE. Now instead of getting to live tweet I’m going to have to stick to day-after tweeting, which NO ONE cares about but I’m STILL going to do OBVIOUSLY because my takes are hot.
The show I’m going to be talking most about
Speaking of schedule changes that I did not approve of, the Creative Arts Emmys, which are usually the Saturday night before the Sunday telecast, were LAST WEEK. You’re killing me Smalls!! As you may know, the Creative Arts Emmys are the ones that most of the public don’t care about, sadly: the technical awards (lighting, cinematography, makeup, editing, sound), the reality TV ones (RuPaul all day), and artsy ones (choreography, music), and whatever else isn’t Best Comedy, Drama, Actor, and Actress, pretty much. There are two things I want to complain heavily about from the Creatives, and it’s not about who won – it’s about who wasn’t nominated. (That’s what all of this is really going to be about, naturally.)
First: The most infuriating abomination of a category this year is Outstanding Original Music and Lyrics, which means Best Song. And not to belittle any of the nominees, but they’re bullshit compared to literally any song from ‘Crazy Ex-Girlfriend’, the CW’s musical dramedy about mental illness. It is one of the greatest shows ever to exist, and 80% of that is because of the songs. Each episode has 2-3 original songs that brilliantly evoke musical theatre standards, pop genres, and/or famous bands. The songs are written by Adam Schlesinger, who you may know either as the guy from Fountains of Wayne or as the guy who wrote the one-hit-wonder’s hit song from ‘That Thing You Do!’ If you have any doubt in my opinion that his Crazy Ex songs should be the pictures next to the dictionary definition of Emmy-winning songs if audio could be captured as pictures, then just think for a second about how movie producers were like ‘hey we are making a movie that ENTIRELY REVOLVES around a song being so great that it catapults all the action forward and we need you to just like, go write that song and have it all be believable’ AND HE DID.
Here are the nominees:
- (WINNER) SNL: “Come Back Barack” – a very funny song and great moment on the show but not better than the actual best topical song of the year, “Let’s Generalize About Men“. I dare you to watch this and not squeal with glee at every moment.
- Big Mouth: “Am I Gay?” Again, fun song on an absolutely incredible show, but not better than the HILARIOUS and perfect ABBA-inspired “The First Penis I Saw“!
- A Christmas Story Live: “In the Market for a Miracle” Haven’t Pasek & Paul won enough in literally like a 15 month span?? CHILL BOYS. Also, if we’re talking Christmas miracles, what about “Maybe She’s Not Such a Heinous Bitch After All”?? I mean hello, talk about perfectly capturing an era of music.
- The Good Fight: “High Crimes and Misdemeanors” I’m not even going to talk about how RUDE it is to nominate a song from the drama about lawyers and not the MUSICAL COMEDY about lawyers, but I’ll say what about the Fosse-inspired “Strip Away My Conscience”?? I mean, you wanna talk clever writing, talk about what they rhymed with ‘luridness’ and still got approval from the censors. Man alive.
- Steve Martin & Martin Short’s special: “The Buddy Song” JFC. I love these guys so much but puh lease. How about the Gene Kelly-evoking “Head in the Clouds”? This song is considered one of the WEAKEST of the season and listen to how great it is.
- If You’re Not in the Obit, Eat Breakfast: “Just Getting Started” I don’t know what this documentary?? is, but how about the amazing song “End of the Movie”? They actually got JOSH GROBAN to sing a song! And it was incredible! Man alive if this category were a table full of glasses I would knock it over.
Also, I was a little sad that Kelli O’Hara, my queen, lost for Actress in a Web Series (even though I didn’t watch it, she wasn’t singing right?), as did her co-nominee Megan Amram, who is becoming another one of my queens for her work on my favorite show (The Good Place). But they lost to Christina Pickles! Who is amazing! I’m just going to pretend she won for her work as Judy Gellar, especially when she tells Monica and Ross that “that was a lot of information to receive in 30 seconds” and then tells Rachel “no, you weren’t supposed to put beef in the trifle.” So we’re okay. Kelli’s going to win the Olivier this year though, right??
Let’s get to tonight’s nominees already.
OUTSTANDING COMEDY SERIES
- Atlanta (FX)
- Barry (HBO)
- Black-ish (ABC)
- Curb Your Enthusiasm (HBO)
- GLOW (Netflix)
- The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel (Amazon)
- Silicon Valley (HBO)
- Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt (Netflix)
EIGHT? FORKING EIGHT NOMINEES and they still don’t get it right??? Ughhhhh. I haven’t finished ‘Atlanta’ so I can’t comment. I know it is genius but from what I’ve seen it is a drama. ‘Barry’ was great but was also FORKING HARROWING and made me terrified and anxious more than it made me laugh. And that ending?? And it’s a comedy? Fuck no! But it is great. GLOW I really like but it’s not best of the year! A few of the episodes this season were stellar but it took a while to get going. This is one of the shows that got really lucky with voters deciding to adopt it as one of its faves and nominating it across categories at every event even though it’s not the best. Maisel is the one show on this list that is actually outstanding, perfect in almost every way (the almost courtesy of the Jane Lynch storyline) and deserves to win. It is THE BEST. Maisel is absolutely pitch perfect from the writing to the music to the performances. And it has Tony Shalhoub! SHALHOUB! ‘Silicon Valley’ is an example of the voters’ rut they like to get stuck in, and more than that they should have gotten a year off after the TJ Miller bullshit. Now, as for our pal Kimmy. You know I am a long-term Kimmy Schmidt apologist. Despite its pitfalls, its had some of the funniest lines, and it introduced classic characters to us, mainly Kimmy and the unmatched Titus. I’ve even tried to excuse the Jane Krakowski storylines because of her incredible quips. But this season was NOT. GOOD. I honestly can’t believe it got nominated. Aside from the one part where a guy introduced himself to Kimmy and said “Hi I’m whatever” and she responded “Not me, I’m Kimmy”, nothing was really great about it. Give Titus and the writers a backdated Emmy for his viral interview scene in season 1, and get rid of this nonsense.
Now what should be up there? ‘Maisel’ should be fighting neck and neck with the most brilliant, hilarious, and surprisingly sincere comedy in existence, “The Good Place”. I honestly cannot get over how wonderful this show is. Every inch of the writing, the production (those special effects, my god), and the acting is across the board magnificent. It has an extremely clever premise that keeps getting twisted and turned onto itself, with storylines you just seem to get a handle on blowing up with equal chance of im- or exploding. And they’ve made a generation of tv-watchers interested in moral philosophy and being better people. It’s also beloved by critics. I love this show so much. Its absence is kind of hilarious, proving yet again that awards mean nothing.
Also, ‘Crazy Ex Girlfriend’ should be on this list. Its latest season was riveting, dark, and risky. They took chances that no other show would take, and kept a story, one that could have gone out of control, together with a steady hand.
And what about ‘Brooklyn 99’, after how much it was in the news after being cancelled (and picked up again)?? We love that damn show! I mean even my beloved ‘Jane the Virgin’ is better than some of the stuff on this list. And ‘Big Mouth’ in its debut season was flawless! Where is that? Ugh Emmy voters. Also, enough with these expanded categories. It’s clearly not helping to refuse to narrow it down, so keep it to 5. I hate treating this like participation trophies. When the best of the year aren’t competing, the winner isn’t really going to be the best, is it. When Federer or Serena decline to play in a slam it’s not like the eventual winner is the best if they didn’t play the best.
OUTSTANDING DRAMA SERIES
- The Americans (FX)
- The Crown (Netflix)
- Game of Thrones (HBO)
- The Handmaid’s Tale (Hulu)
- Stranger Things (Netflix)
- This Is Us (NBC)
- Westworld (HBO)
Ugh miss me with these extra long nominee lists, guys. It’s such nonsense. Nominations are supposed to mean something, not just be a slapdash list of all the shows an old man could remember at that given moment.
I’m so tired, like sooo tired, of ‘Game of Thrones’. Is it really still on? Still treating women like objects and what not? Hates it. I did love this season of ‘Stranger Things’, but not in like an ’emmy-winning’ way. They’re all FINE, I guess, but if anything but ‘The Americans’, in its perfect final season’, sweeps tonight, it’ll be wrong. ‘The Americans’ played the long game over 6 seasons, drawing subtle, nuanced storylines with outstanding performances and writing that came together in its depressing, unavoidable, great ending. It should absolutely win.
PERFORMANCES
I don’t have time to go into every category of acting nominees; I got a plane to catch. But I’ll say a few things. Ted Danson MUST win for TGP. He is American’s national treasure for a reason. If you thought his laugh in Season 1 episode 13 was iconic, wait till you see his relieved “Oh you guys!” from this season. I could cry just thinking about that and about when he solved the trolley problem. Tell me any of the other nominees deserve to win. I’ll wait. And then I’ll tell you why you’re wrong.
I don’t have time to go into every category of acting nominees; I got a plane to catch. But I’ll say a few things. Ted Danson MUST win for TGP. He is American’s national treasure for a reason. If you thought his laugh in Season 1 episode 13 was iconic, wait till you see his relieved “Oh you guys!” from this season. I could cry just thinking about that and about when he solved the trolley problem. Tell me any of the other nominees deserve to win. I’ll wait. And then I’ll tell you why you’re wrong.
As for lead actress in a comedy, it doesn’t even really matter. Rachel Brosnahan on ‘Maisel’ is the clear best option, and even if a properly done category should probably win. But all her competitors should be different. This hundo p should have been Rachel for ‘Maisel’, Kristen Bell for ‘The Good Place’ (absolute BRILLIANCE), Rachel Bloom for ‘Crazy Ex Girlfriend’ (if you aren’t jumping up and down in agreement, you haven’t watched her), Tracee Ellis Ross for ‘black-ish’ I guess, and Gina Rodriguez for ‘Jane the Virgin’. No matter what you think about that show, how telenovela it is (ps it’s a telenovela), Gina is sensational. And yeah, that’s five. FIVE NOMINEES PEOPLE. IN EVERY AWARD SHOW, IN EVERY CATEGORY. DO IT.
As for lead actors in drama, if anyone but Philip and Elizabeth, our beloved Russian spies, win, it’s wrong. WRONG.
What else is wrong?
Supporting actress, comedy: How D’Arcy Carden wasn’t nominated for ‘The Good Place’, I’ll never know. She’s a critical darling, like everything about that show, and created an entire KIND Of character. I also would have voted in Donna Lee Champlin for ‘Crazy Ex’. She’s remarkable. I don’t even want to talk about how many people are in this category (too many) and how many make no sense. But lets please give it to Alex Borstein for being incredible on ‘Maisel’.
Supporting actor, drama: Does a category that doesn’t include Noah Emmerich in ‘The Americans’ even count? No, no it doesn’t. Stanny Beems will always have a place in viewers’ hearts, and no one else on this list can come close to what he did.
Ok I am going to stop ranting about awards that DO NOT MATTER and finish taking this out of my suitcase (it’s too heavy (as always)). Watch tonight and let me know your thoughts in the comments; I’ll be on a plane so keep me informed. And if you haven’t watched the shows on this list that I’ve said are amazing, what are you waiting for???
Related Posts
Saoirse Ronan Loves Murder in Almeida’s Macbeth
Every time I see Macbeth all I can think is “wow these people love murder more than I remember.” I’m not new to the play or anything; in fact, I debated seeing this production at all because I’ve seen the Scottish play a few times too many in recent years so I’m sort of sick of it (sorry Billy). But that debate died off quickly (like everyone in this show!) because I had to see our generation’s cinema queen as Lady Macbeth. Yep, this production stars SAOIRSE RONAN. Her first name is VERY hard to type correctly in all caps but she is such a good lil actress. While I prefer her cavorting around colonial New England breaking Little Timmy Cham Cham’s heart than being full-out Arizona Murder Horny as she is here, she does a fine job proving to the UK that she can handle our stages.
And wow, does she love murder. Her Lady Macbeth struck me more than the character ever has before as eagerly jumping RIGHT QUICK in for murder. She goes from zero to murder real fast. That god really did replace her milk with gall, as she says, although it’s more pure evil than gall. She hears her husband say two words and then is hundo p ‘OK so we’re doing this!’ Her first monologue is sexual and violent. She is a scary scary sexy lady — they have Sershersh literally writhe around on a bed thinking of how much she loves the idea of murder and power and using murder to gain power and probably vice versa too, that’s how much she writhes. It’s a good thing she doesn’t have a durder because she would definitely murder that durder.
In a wonderful showing of accessibility, the Almeida had a long weekend of livestream-only performances of this production, which is a) amazing and b) what I saw. I thought the livestream would be of a regular performance, like with an in-person audience too, but it was only livestream. I was sad to not hear a live audience coughing so I could revel in my being home, but without them the creative team got to make a more cinematic version. They took advantage of the opportunity with cameras like right up in everyone’s business, getting all the filmic angles right on stage and lots of close-ups. It made it noticeably different from the in-theatre experience, which a stream should be if possible, as it’s a different medium.
Okay so you all know the story of Macbeth, right, like how this Scottish dude is like ‘I wanna be the rulerrrr’ and he asks his wife if she’s up for killing their way to the top because you should never begin a murderous spree for power without your wife’s consent and she breaks out the gold sequins and disco ball and dances around singing ‘livin’ it up on top-ah!’ or something like that (now that would be an interesting version). What really struck me this go-round is how stupid Macbeth is. Like, the witches tell him the prophecy right, that he will be in power? But then he goes and does stuff himself to make that true…which is NOT the point of prophecies. That’s called a self-fulfilling prophecy and that’s a logical FALLACY. If you went to a fortune teller and they were like ‘oh xyz is going to happen’, what kind of jackass then goes and MAKES xyz happen? Who would take it upon themselves to prove a podunk fortune teller to be right? Wouldn’t you test their predictions by just sitting back and being like well let’s see how good you are, make that shit happen universe! If you make it happen yourself you are cheating! It does not prove anything! YOU BLEW IT. I want to see the play where this jamoke has three witches tell him what’s going to happen in the future and he goes “oh yeah? PROVE IT” AND THEN DOES NOTHING.
It struck me this go-round that Lady Macbeth is a real Karen who hates reaping the consequences of what she sowed with her shirty behavior. Not since Atonement has Saoirse played a character so purely evil who only realizes her mistaken ways and feels regret when it’s too late. Luckily though her bastard character here dies, whereas in Atonement she got to be old after ruining lives. I’m still mad about that movie and that I don’t have that green dress. Anyway, Macbeth as always teaches us that you really shouldn’t kill your friends, even if you will get to be king. Who wants to be king? Not me. Hashtag abolish the M. (Am I allowed to say that? I’ll delete ‘-onarchy’.) Saoirse when everything goes to shit was very compelling, although I always want to shout “what did you think would happen, Karen?” Really shouldn’t have killed all your friends there! Speaking of, no matter how jaded I am with this play, the scene where Macduff finds out about his family always wrecks me for a good few days. No, a WEEK! A whole week. It’s just so f-ing sad, debilitating. This one was no exception. (Wish I could shout out to the actor but the Alm’s website doesn’t list the cast by character wtf.)
As for the rest of the cast, they’re all doing a fine job. James McArdle in the title role is solid. Everyone is solid. But for me it’s just another decent production of Macbeth. It’s hard to really set yourself apart from the endless number of strong productions that keep on coming day in day out for the past 400 years, to find something that makes it special. It seemed like another straightforward production, albeit with more modern attire. But according to the Almeida website, there was an attempt at revolutionizing the piece: the action is occurred “a little bit later than now” and “in the ruins of an old theatre”. What do you mean a little later than now, and why? And the ruins of an old theatre? That did not come across at all, nor could I determine the reason for that. And like, why? And like, don’t? The three witches were dressed in suits too, another little piece of the inevitable modernization and distinction process that I wish everyone realized was largely unnecessary and virtually always a downgrade. Also the witches should ALWAYS be played by little girls for maximum creepiness.
INFORMATION
Macbeth is at the Almeida until November 27.
The theatre said it would be 3 hours and 5 minutes but the livestream was 2 hours 50 minutes so that’s fun. Still, a few years ago at the official Billy theatre in Stratford upon Avon it was 2 hours 20 minutes and the ushers were like ‘we love this one because it’s the shortest!’ so where did that extra halfsies come from? Is this Billy’s unrated version?
It’s sold out now, but the livestream options are now over too so if you can’t get in off the waitlist at least you are saving yourself from the unmasked coughers. Go watch Lil Wims on your TV and a different production of Macbeth on a computer at the same time and just like see what happens.
“Grease” Live! Renews Faith in the Fox Network If Not The Whole World
Fox has entered the modern era of televised live musical productions, and not only did it raise the bar, it set the bar aflame and made a new one out of the tears of unicorns and placed it out of ordinary sight. “Grease” Live was that good y’all. I know it was TWO WHOLE DAYS AGO, but I don’t believe in fast journalism. I think that is the downfall of modern society. No I just had to watch on DVR and shit’s hella long and I just got around to it. I mean but journalism too.
“Grease” is one of my least favorite musicals. If I worked at a network and was told to make a list of musicals we should do, “Grease” would be near the bottom of a list topped by “Pippin” Circus Edition and “Next to Normal” Full Throttle With Donations to Mental Healthcare. I think I watched it as a kid probably every day for 10 years so that is roughly 5 billion times. Consequently, I had to take a really really long, bitter, hate-filled break from it for most of my adult years. I am not exaggerating when I say that Fox’s live production has made me love this show again. This was FLAWLESS. I mean it wasn’t because I love finding flaws and I will but it was SUPERB AND WONDERFUL. We’re going to go through it scene by scene in real time because that’s who I am and that’s who I care about.
The first thing I noticed (aside from Julianne Hough’s kind of wooden acting but it doesn’t matter because she is so goshdarned angelic looking) was that they changed my favorite line of the movie. During the beach prologue, in the movie, Sandy asks “Danny, is this the end?” and Danny goes, “No Sandy, it’s only the beginning” and then I would always shout “OF THE MOVIE!” get it I was so funny. It was different here.
The real opening had Jessie J singing “Grease is the Word” in spectacular form – with better-than-Birdman cinematography tracking her as she runway-walked through all the soundstages, dressing rooms, and outdoor space in one single, uninterrupted, flawless camera shot. AMAZING. Better than Birdman. Did I say that already? It was better than Birdman. I’m not usually a fan of Jessie J; we have to listen to her songs a lot in my hip hop classes and they are not my cup of tea (very East London girls-yeah boys-woo lets-go-clubbing stuff) but she was wonderful here! It was a brilliant idea to have us see the backstage goings on, because seeing everyone get ready amped up the excitement for when they’d make the switch into character and really brought the audience right up into it.
“Grease is the Word” ended in front of the enormous high school set’s front doors. Already, this set blows every other televised musical’s single soundstage bullshit out of the water, and we haven’t even seen most of the sets yet. Speaking of water, people were upset that it was really raining outside, and they had a lot of outdoor scenes, but it was fine to me. I mean it rains in regular life so why wouldn’t it rain in the world of Rydell High? It is earth still, right? no biggie.
Inside the school’s front hallway, we see very much alive Aaron Tveit as Danny Zuko, chatting up a gal as he does. I love Aaron Tveit. He is so talented and wonderful on Broadway. But here, at least in these opening scenes, his timing is a little weird, like he is on a delay that’s usually required onstage. I think he is better in live theatre than on TV but still, I’m nitpicking because he’s the bomb like Lawrence’s head. How great are the rest of the T-Birds though! They’re all so strong. Sonny’s first scene with Principal McGee was hilarious. Ana Gasteyer should be in everything. Can’t wait for her to sing. Do you know she played Elphaba on Broadway? She can sang.
I love the Pink Ladies too. I mean Carly Rae Jepsen is a little weak as Frenchy, but it’s a big role to fill for a non-actor. Kether Donahue with her hilarious antics and Keke Palmer with her SASS make up for it. Incredible. This is so well cast, I can’t deal. Even the tiny role of Blanche became a standout with new favorite Haneefah Wood’s amazing facial expressions during Principal McGee’s announcements. “If you can’t be an athlete, be an athletic supporter” brought with it some epic side-eye. The most perfect casting of the whole thing is Noah Robbins as Eugene. He’s so small. And so funny. He’s also a great tweeter. Just amazing.
Another set is introduced with the gym/cafeteria, along with another well cast character – Elle McLemore (“Bring It On” cheerleader) as Patty Simcox (cheerleader captain). We also learn that Kether Donahue’s Jan is going to steal this entire show, as she puts an apple on Patty’s seat and calls it a ‘Mackintush’. Most importantly, we get more of Vanessa Hudgens’s Rizzo. She’s great, and it’s unbelievably impressive that she did this show after her father died. I mean. Jesus H.
The first musical number of the show, “Summer Lovin’”, showed off all the great choreography and camera work that makes this production stand out. There were some rushed switches between the girls’ and the boys’ parts but overall it was excellent. That face Danny made during the final “Oh”! Julianne Hough has a pretty voice! Who knew! She has no idea what to do with her arms when she’s not dancing though.
The biggest takeaway from this first number is that it is ESSENTIAL for these televised musicals to have a live audience. The biggest failing for previous shows was how awkward it was to finish a roaring number with silence. Having live cheers and applause is making this exhilarating.
The second biggest takeaway is that it has been like 15 minutes and they mentioned Salt Lake City and Utah about 4300 times. Stop. Saying. Salt Lake. WE GET IT. SHE IS NOT AUSTRAILIAN IN THIS ONE. MOVE ON.
I’m surprised at how many great lines there are in the book, which I’m guessing were mostly added for this version because I never noticed myself laughing before. Or in previous stage productions I was sahhhleeeeping. In the hands of Keke Palmer’s too-grown-up-for-this-school Marty, the entire role becomes killer. I love how she’s playing it as someone just sooo ooover high school and all these immature people. And Jan’s delivery of all her silly lines are hilarious. Kether Donahue is going all out with the silly and it’s paying off.
Patty and Sandy’s cheer-off was kind of a low point. Elle’s over-the-top hyperactive Patty is great is small doses (as she’s meant to be) but this was too much. And I don’t remember Sandy ever having to prove her cheerleading skills. It feels like a weird way to get Julianne to show off her dance ability, which is dumb because there are musical numbers to come, and you can dance in musical numbers.
But the end of that cheerleading segment flowing into the indoor pep rally was like an Oscar-worthy seamless cut. I didn’t even notice that the cameras changed but all of a sudden those musicians’ faces we were zoomed in on were inside the school instead of outside. Incredible! I hope this means director Tommy Kail gets more movie musicals and stuff doesn’t go automatically to Rob Marshall.
Dude that Scorpion gang leader looks just like the one from the movie! I forgot how annoying this soft ass gang rivalry is. Give me dancing Jets and Sharks who actually kill each other or give me nothing.
My favorite thing so far about Sandy is that she just made cheerleader, does a few (spectacular) high kicks (best high kick I’ve ever SEEN) at the pep rally, and then leaves after 3 seconds because her new BFF Frenchy pulls her aside. Like, Sandy, you have a job go back onstage ffs! Also try to make a different intonation in your voice. Or face. She is very sweet but that is all she is. I think that’s the character though. This show is weird.
Next, the awful scene where Danny and Sandy are reunited for like a second before Danny acts too cool for her (jerkface) was actually better than the movie. In the movie, Danny is just trying to look cool in front of his friends, and it’s hard to have sympathy for a douche like that or forgive him for not having the balls to act like a human in front of his actually dorky friends. But here, the history between Danny and Rizzo was made much clearer beforehand, so after he broke Sandy’s heart he whispered, “You happy Rizz?” like he did it for her, maybe to make amends for how shittily he treated her, maybe just so she would lay off him, but either way, it’s at least complicated and interesting.
One big change from the movie was the addition of the famous song “Freddy My Love” to give Marty a solo, and whoever made this decision should get a cookie. Keke Palmer was showstopping. Everything about this was perfection: She sounded amazing, looked amazing. The set made me gasp – the bedroom set opened up into a lit-up USO stage with a full audience of soldiers. How did this happen? And best of all, Keke was wearing not just a quick-change outfit by the master of all things clothing William Ivey Long (responsible for this magic omg just watch and be blown away. And this was only the Tony Awards version; the show’s was even more magical) but a DOUBLE quick change – her blue nightie unraveling into a red sequined gown which itself hid another blue nightie for the ending back in the bedroom. He is THE BEST. (Side note: two of the Pink Ladies – Keke Palmer and Carly Rae Jepsen – were replacements in that same Broadway production of “Cinderella” linked in the video. The original Ella that they replaced? Laura Osnes, whose Broadway debut was as Sandy in “Grease”! Wheeee theatre trivia!) Keke followed up her incredible performance with another hilarious line right afterwards: When Frenchy, explaining her decision to drop out of school, says “I’ve had enough of Emily Dickinson”, Marty shoots back with venom “She that sophomore?!” Bahaha.
Vanessa Hudgens is so good! She makes a great Rizzo. “Look at Me I’m Sandra Dee” is such an awkward song, and it ends even more awkwardly (with the spoken “Some people are so touchy!” line before applause, a weird place to clap) but she did a great job with it.
I forgot about the whole live Bandstand thing with Vince Fontaine. Who would have their high school dance shown on live television? So weird! I like that the rep is played by original Doody, Barry Pearl. Cool! Yay we are interrupted by wholesome students Eugene and Patty, fighting over reserving a room. Patty wants it for a homemakers’ club (omg saddest thing ever) and Eugene for rocket club. Patty goes “Think of the children!” and Eugene goes “Think of the children ON ROCKETS!” HE IS THE GREATEST. I want a whole spinoff of Eugene and Patty but mostly Eugene. Noah is reinventing this usually thankless role into the best part of this and I want to hug him. Marty comes in and is hot and awesome and skeevy old man Doody is like YES PLEASE I’ll tell Vince to come here! skeevy old man.
Female shop teacher/mechanic! So cool! Omg it’s Jan Brady! I am shouting a lot. The workers in my hallway (2 months down and more to go cool guys!) are like what is going on. Anyway you know what the boys fixing their car means – “Greased Lightning” time! This was so well done, the dancing, the direction, bringing in girl dancers for an extended dance break, and above all the CAR quick change! Did William Ivey Long do that too? This number absolutely rocked. And I’m really enjoying these commercial break cuts by Mario Lopez. That is a sentence I never thought I would say, but it helps move things along and keep excitement up, somehow. He has finally found his calling, 10 second commercial break intros. I love seeing the cast rushing in golf carts to their next set, sharing water bottles and all amped up from doing such a banging job. This is so fun!
Another great move was having Doody serenade everyone on his guitar with “Those Magic Changes” while Danny does that totally boring part where he tries out for various sports. I get that it’s important to show how much Danny is willing to change for Sandy (something I never really noticed before because the focus is mostly on Sandy’s change into the leather catsuit) but it’s still a snooze usually. This Doody is like a sweeter baby version of Utkarsh Ambudkar, one of my favorite celebrities, so I’m enjoying this. I can’t believe we get yet another wonderful set, at their diner Frosty’s! I hope Mario Lopez goes and makes a joke about the Max! No I don’t! And original Frenchy Didi Conn is here as Vi the waitress! Woot! We’re treated to another epic Kether Donahue delivery, when Putzie asks her to the dance and she absolutely SCREAMED “yeah!!!” I cracked up out loud! As for our main characters, they’re really growing on me here and I’m totally buying them as Sandy and Danny. I never understood why Sandy forgave Danny so quickly but now I realize they are supposed to be high schoolers so yeah.
Vi leaves Frenchy all alone with her Easter egg hair and Carly Rae Jepsen starts singing an absolutely terrible song, and kind of terribly. How did she play Cinderella? It makes me sad that one of my favorite modern composing teams, Kitt & Yorkey, wrote this song. It’s so country music week on American Idol Season 5. Maybe it will grow on me with repeated listens but I don’t want to listen to it again. The only thing that can save this scene is a surprise appearance by the greatest male R&B group of all time. OH HERRO!!!!! BOYS II MEN IN THE HOUSE! Omg how did they agree to this?! Who thought of making Boys II Men the Teen Angel? GENIUSES, that’s who! They still sound so good and it’s hilarious to hear their signature slow jam beats and riffing on lyrics like “even Dear Abby’d say the same” and of course “no customer would go to you unless she was a hooker”. This is absolute gold and I hope this is nominated for every Emmy possible.
YAS it’s the dance scene next! Aaron is wearing Danny’s signature pink and black suit lolol this is gonna be great. The Jonas Brothers (or maybe just one brother?) are Johnny Casino and the Gamblers, which is an adorable casting move. Mario Lopez is now acting, as Vince Fontaine. His scene with Marty made me laugh very nervously. Let’s get him back to commercial intros. “That’s what it’s all about after all Preppy!” There was some expert directing and camerawork on display with the quick cuts to Didi Conn and the waitstaff watching their TINY TV back at Frosty’s. I can’t believe this is live. Whatever Jonas this is is NOT happy to be there. He looks like he’s too cool for all this which is HILARIOUS. Finally we get to see Julianne Hough show off doing what she does best, and that extraordinary convoluted flip turn she and Aaron did during the Hand Jive was one of the coolest moments of the whole thing. Erma. If anyone can find a video of that bit, I will give you a cookie. It was like the Pamchenko part of “Cutting Edge” but on land.
In other excellent decision news, “Hopelessly Devoted” makes SO much more sense after the dance scene instead of during the sleepover scene, when Sandy in the movie is all sad because the ink is washing off her letter that she is inexplicably playing with in a kiddie pool. Wtf. This is so much better.
Okay. Just witnessed the actual best scene of the whole thing – Ana Gasteyer’s post-dance morning announcement about the found bra and Blanche, hysterical national treasure Blanche, trying to say that it was actually hers. Oh my god Haneefah. MY GOD.
They have ANOTHER SET? The drive-in? HOW IS THIS LIVE? I’m blown away. Also there is no more awkward lead-in to a song than for “Stranded at the Drive-in” (or is it called “Sandy”?). Cracking up: “SANDY NO!…Stranded at the drive-iiin….” Dying. But finally Aaron gets to concentrate on singing, what he does best.
I don’t know how Vanessa got through any of this but her impressive “There Are Worse Things I Could Do” should be seriously lauded. At first I thought she was losing a little control as her voice was sounding small and tinny, but it actually worked well for the character. She was speaking the whole show in this faked older voice, and here in her big vulnerable moment we hear her sound like a child, which she’s supposed to be playing. So it worked really well.
Sandy has more pastel cardigans than I do.
Thunder Road time! The most random part of this show! Omg they are doing a stationary car chase that looks real because of wind and lighting this is awesome! Hahahahah it’s also really funny.
After the car chase, it’s finally time for the Carnival! This is going to be too much for me I can feel it. Kether yet again slays me with her delivery when Putzie brings her water ice – “I brought you your favorite!” “Red dye #2!!!!” Kether needs to be in everything.
The Carnival starts inside the gym, all decorated anew, and it looks decent. I accept it. Sandy comes out in her famous catsuit, Danny and Sandy do bits of the famous choreography (you can’t not do the famous bits, like the shimmying back and forth and the sideways glancy part, isn’t my dance lingo legit), and it’s all in all a swell time. BUT THEN THEY MOVE OUTSIDE. And the grounds have been transformed into an actual carnival with real rides and a ferris wheel and legit carnival stuff and it’s EXTRAORDINARY! I can’t believe I was content with the gym décor when a whole outdoor carnival awaited! Eersameersayzeersing! (That’s in carnie p.s. I am multi-lingual.) The energy in this finale was off the charts, and everyone seemed so joyous and proud of what they just accomplished. Rightly so!
This was an incredible production, and even its curtain call put every other TV musical event to shame: all the ensemble members got their own bows, just like on Broadway. Tears of joy! Enormous props to director extraordinaire Tommy Kail, fresh off his “Hamilton” success, for redefining the bounds of what live TV can be. All the other announced musical events like “Dirty Dancing” and “Rocky Horror” have a lot to live up to. There’s no way to go back to the single stage b.s. of yesteryear (last month) after seeing what’s possible here. Excellent job all around! Huzzah for musical theatre being brought to the undeserving masses!
