Dubrovnik Vegan Scene: Moskar Konoba Restaurant

August 31, 2013

Vegan Guide to Michelin Restaurants: De Librije in Zwolle, Holland

March 6, 2016

*This post is part of a series in which I eat fancy Michelin-starred meals and then brag about it.

Recently, we took a 45-minute flight to Amsterdam, city of canals and bicycles. But instead of exploring that beautiful city, we took an hour-long train to the tiny town of Zwolle, which is home to adorable little hotels and not much more. Why did we go to this rando Nethertown in the middle of Netherwhere? Because Zwolle (not to be confused with swoll, the cool kids’ new word for…swollen? cool kids are weird) is also home to De Librije, a 3-Michelin star (3***!!!) restaurant and hotel. And because my life is dope and I do dope shit (only time I will quote Yeezy).

Being awarded 3 Michelin stars is the highest achievement a restaurant can get, well besides being an actual financial success where people like to eat. The only other 3-star restaurant I’ve been to is Alinea, which was the greatest meal imaginable on this or any planet. So De Librije had a lot to prove, because Michelin stars take into account not only the food but the service, the presentation, and a host of intangibles. While the experience was great, and the presentation was superb, neither the food nor the service seemed worthy of 3 stars, especially compared with wonderful 1* and 2** places we’ve been. The food was fine, the service was pretty bad, but the presentation was a red 100 emoji.

What do you have to say, little Sunday cartoons? Are you for trading?

Before we get started with the food, I have to warn you that I don’t have full knowledge of what all the dishes in these pictures contained. Reasons: 1) The waiters weren’t great at speaking English and we were not great at adding lots of vowels to our words to fake being Dutch. 2) Usually diners are given copies of their menus at the end of their meal, but we were given these little cards with cartoons that were indecipherable. When we emailed the restaurant, asking for a more comprehensible menu, they very kindly emailed back a list of what these cards said. Bahaha. One just says “land & sea”. That’s all we got for an entire course. So funny. So unhelpful. Also, the cards for me (I was the only vegan), as well as the emailed menu, had a lot of dairy products listed. When I asked the restaurant in that same email what was up with that, they assured me that the list was a mistake and that all my dishes were of course vegan. While I of course hope that a restaurant of this caliber would know what vegan means, I’m still the tiniest bit skeptical now; wouldn’t you be?

De Librije dining room

But anyway, let’s look at pretty pictures of food! Or, wait, this is me – I guess I mean pictures of pretty food! As is expected at places like this, we were given several off-menu plates before the actual courses began. Here, we had a crispy mushroom puff with regular mushroom, greenery, and some kind of cream that I hope wasn’t cream. It was a really good first bite! It’s on a bed of fried bits. No, not joking, like fried bits like when you fry stuff and all the bits are left in the pan? I don’t know man. I ate them. I wasn’t supposed to.

Next, we had what I’m going to guess were lentil crackers with dilly cream (please don’t say crema unless the rest of your words are Italian or Spanish too, such a weird thing to do. Also don’t say ‘with au jus’) and this is one of the things I am iffy about because there are four, which means we all ate the same thing, which seems wrong. Husband seems to recall that the waiter pointed out which one was for me, maybe the one without the peanut that’s not a peanut? I’m not sure but I hope he is right!

Next was a pile of rocks with seaweed hidden all around them! There was also a very good beet chip with assorted unknown sauces and vegetable pieces, but the seaweed was really the main draw for me. I don’t think we were supposed to eat it, but I like to break rules. I’m a rule breaker. I also ate all the seaweed from the others’ plates. They were like what is wrong with this person. Seaweed is really good.

After the plate of rocks came a bowl of baby onions. Cipollini oh nee ons! Who was that guy on that show that said that beautifully? I forget. Anyway, this was like a little birds nest of shaved onions, carrots, beets maybe, all fried together with the tiniest greens on top. Very nice! It came with a banana chip – I got several of these, I’m not sure if they ran out of ideas, really liked this particular idea, or just gave me two of the same dish, but I won’t complain.

Atop another bed of bits I probably wasn’t supposed to eat but really liked, the banana chips were bent into a cool shape with greens and crunchy vegetables and something like baba ganoush in the middle. It probably wasn’t baba ganoush but I’m just saying it was something like it. Hollandaise version. How pretty does it look though? They were experts at presentation here; everything is beautiful.

Next was the funniest part of the meal. This waiter comes over and goes, “I’d like to prepare the next dish on your hands.” We’re like what. So we all warily put our hands out and got crap squeezed on it. This is the course I question the most, because we all got the same green cream squeezed on our hands, and the others’ menu says this was some kind of mayonnaise, which is the grossest foodstuff in the world. Boo urns. Aside from that, it was a cute concept that they nicely gave us wet towels for cleaning after, but still kinda whatever.

Look I got another banana chip dish! It’s a lot better than other banana chips I’ve had. I’ve never really been a fan of dried or chipified fruit but if you’re gonna have one, have it here. I think this one was on a bed of nuts, so I ate a lot of that too. The caviar is a garnish!

Oh then we got four rolls with certain kinds of butter they were really excited about (I got olive oil, thank you for remembering) and they were pretty decent rolls. But then we got entire little loaves of bread, seen at right, which we all way too quickly devoured, so quickly that the staff assumed we didn’t get the bread, so they swiftly brought out another, and then another. By the third loaf of bread, we figured that they all must have been laughing at us in the kitchen, like ‘look at these English speaking fools eating their weight in bread har har har!” so what who cares. Good bread.

Next, this simple but delicious bowl of Brussels sprouts (or as my phone likes to call them, Brussels sports) with microgreens and a great, mild sauce with a tiny bit of lemongrass, I think, was a lovely counterpoint to the four loaves of bread I had just eaten. It wasn’t spectacular, but it tasted good.

One of my favorites was this double-decker cabbage bowl, which had whiskers shooting out the top, beetroot in the middle, and some pomegranate seeds I think. The bottom of the bowl had a delicious puree and it was all very nice. The white stuff, I fear is creme fraiche because that’s what my ‘incorrect’ menu says, and I’m not sure what else it could be, but I’m hoping they had like some soy or cashew creams in the back maybe?

Ah, some deliciously salty greenery was up next. This was a very miso-like sauce with weeds growing out of it and I loved it. Nuts or beans on the bottom? This is getting kind of out of hand. We asked a few times what was happening on our plates but usually the person whose attention we managed to grab (more on that later) wouldn’t know or didn’t really speak English or maybe just pretended not to since we were the youngest patrons and they were probably offended by our presence?

Even more delicious were these tulip bulbs with black garlic puree and barbecued celeriac. Or at least that’s the menu item I’m guessing this is. No I really remember actually, I was eating this and it was soo good and I said, oh so this is what black garlic is. I don’t know if I’ve ever had it before, but I love it. It really is strikingly different from regular garlic. That puree is the stuff dreams are made of. This was probably the best savory dish.

This was great too! It was a cauliflower heart, heavy on the flower part I guess because the shape was much more beautiful than the regular old caulisflower one usually finds, topped with madras curry and currants. All the c words. Well not all. This was really good and I especially liked the fresh cucumber pieces that helped to cut the warmth of the curry. Have we noticed though, that almost every fancy restaurant that isn’t vegan will give me a cauliflower course?

The following course was very dessert-y, but it wasn’t at the dessert stage yet. I remember being like phew, we’re done with the savories, but then look what comes after this! Anyway, this was blackberry ice with ‘water mint’ and what looks like a micro-watermelon but I have no idea what it was, some kind of melon I guess. Very enjoyable.

See, next was another savory dish! My menu says this is ‘first milk chicory’ with spices but I highly doubt that. It was like a rice soup with shaved greens and spring onions. I really like soup so I really enjoyed this. That white blog I think was citrus ice. Wait that can’t be right. Unless it is. This place did play with what was dessert and what was dinner, so whatever, maybe it was both, I don’t know, it was good.

clipped wings I was a broken thing

had a voice had a voice but I could not sing

you would wind me down

I struggled on the ground

so lost the line had been crossed

had a voice had a voice but I could not talk

you held me down

I struggle to fly now

but there’s a scream inside that we all try to hide

we hold on so tight

we cannot deny eats us alive

oh it eats us alive

yes there’s a scream inside that we all try to hide

we hold on so tight but I don’t wanna die no

I don’t wanna die, I don’t wanna die, yeahhh

and I don’t caaare if I sing off key

Before the rest of the desserts (or before the start of the desserts, who knows really) came out, the waiters asked us if we wanted tea or coffee. Listen up, people. If you are ever in a restaurant like this, with a seemingly never-ending tasting menu, you ALWAYS, ALWAYS order tea or coffee if they ask. Why? Because it sort of unlocks another level in the meal, as if you were in a culinary video game where you have to collect all these hidden light-up coins as points. When they bring your tea or coffee, they without fail bring other dishes that you wouldn’t have gotten otherwise. That might seem unfair to those of you who don’t drink tea or coffee, but think of how much better your teeth are. But now you know anyway to always say yes to it. We’ve gotten some awesome secret-tea-round desserts in the past, but this was probably my favorite one: The tea/coffee was ITSELF the secret dessert dish. Look at my mint tea up there! It was a play on mint tea, with fresh, light, delicious sorbet on an ice pack with a sugared mint leaf and something like a brown sugar fan on the side. It was on an ice pack full of what looked like mint tea, actually, and at one point I thought I was supposed to cut the pack with my knife and somehow drink the contents. It’s good that I don’t follow through on everything I think. The coffee was even more fun – the cappucino was cappucino ice cream with chocolate accoutrement and whipped cream and it all looked absolutely awesome. I guess the only downside is if you actually wanted plain old hot coffee or tea but I think they brought them later. Who remembers in the food haze.

I find myself in my melodies

I sing for love, I sing for me

The cutest part of the dinner was this little chocolate-topped toadstool looking thing. I mean speaking of video games, doesn’t it remind you of something out of one? Maybe Toadstool, could be. Anyway, here they brought me my own plate of the dark chocolates they said were vegan, and they were great. I don’t think I got all the flavors the others got, but still, I’m at a restaurant like this that isn’t Alinea and they have chocolate for me? Happy dance.

Oh yes, that is on yet another ice pack. They love using their ice packs instead of plates here. Pretty smart for ice cream though, I kind of love it.

The last part of this epic meal I wish came second to last. The chocolates would have been a lovely and appropriate ending. It just seems like a proper way to say goodbye, right? Chocolate is the right way to say anything! But I had something else coming – this curry sorbet. Yes, it’s curry flavored ice cream. Oh my goodness. It tasted pretty good, and 100 points for creativity and all, but still, it is curry ice cream. The fruit bits were nice. I liked very much that all my desserts weren’t repeated plates of fruit, as happens so frequently. I’m glad I got to try something so creative and unique but still, curry ice cream.

I shout it out like a bird set free

So, overall, it was a lovely dinner, visually. It had the best presentation and used the coolest dishes, in fact. The food had some wonderful points and was overall solid. However, it did not seem 3 Michelin stars-worthy. Normally I would attribute this to the vegan menu, to their being unused to accommodating vegans to their menu, but the three people I was with (who had their standard menu) agreed that it was not spectacular. Good, but not one of the best meals ever, which it should have been. The thing that stuck out the most, however, was how poor the service was. I always run out of water quickly, and although at places like this I expect attention to be paid, I still give a lot of leeway. But when everyone at my table was out of water, out of all drinks, and no one paid attention to us for a half hour or so? That’s not good. Throughout the night, I asked whoever I could grab for this or that (usually for water), and the person would always say, “oh okay I will grab your waiter” or sometimes “I will be right back with that.” They never did and never were. I really couldn’t believe that this was happening in such a place! It shouldn’t be! What were the stars based on? Oy. Still, I’m so glad we went. It was a beautiful place and a pretty special experience. We also stayed in their hotel and had an epic breakfast the next morning, which I will talk about next time.

DE LIBRIJE, ZWOLLE, NETHERLANDS
Water speed: See above. It was actually atrocious, to be honest. Embarrassing for a restaurant of this caliber, and inexcusable. SHAME! SHAME!
Service: Okay, shaky okay. They were nice enough when we could get them to pay attention to us, if uninformed about what the crap we were eating.
Bathrooms: The bathrooms were fine, modern, and clean, but the best part? Black toilet paper! So weird! I’ve never seen that before! I’m sharing a picture of it. Yes I took pictures in the toilet.
Food: Overall good, with some standouts. Some creative choices were weird, but I’d rather that then boring safe stuff, I think. Still, not 3 stars.
Bonus: Beautiful space in a lovely hotel. Check back tomorrow to see the rooms!

Vegan Guide to Michelin Restaurants: Lyle’s, London UK

August 1, 2016

*This post is part of a series in which I eat fancy Michelin-starred meals and then brag about it.

Unlike all the other posts in this series, this meal was completely impromptu. On a recent Friday, Husband and I met up in Shoreditch (our old but always hood) after work and thought, where on earth/Shoreditch/Most Popular Land for Hipsters on a Friday Night at prime time will we be able to eat dinner without a reservation? Oh, I’m sorry, without a ‘booking’. (Okay this is one I’m actually starting to say though, eek. Choosing my battles.) Most of the cool places book up way in advance, the others (like Dishoom) forcing you to line up for hours like you’re waiting for the latest iPhone. While walking around somewhat aimlessly, we walked past Lyle’s, which is right across from the BoxPark and the overground station. Lyle’s opened relatively recently and was virtually immediately awarded a Michelin star. For dinner, it offers a set tasting menu, and books up in advance. We knew it was totally booked but figured it was worth asking. You don’t ask, you don’t get, as the philosopher Strega Nonna says.

Armed only with my husband’s knowledge that he thought he saw somewhere that they can accommodate vegans, we asked the host if by any chance there were any cancellations that night. Lo and behold, they had a free table for two open at that very moment! What luck! Next came the follow-up question that I always feel supes awk asking after all the preceding excitement, ‘oh yay thanks amazing um can you feed me?’ On Lyle’s website, they post the daily tasting menu plus a vegetarian version, but it’s usually full of cheese and eggs and stuff, so I figured that for a vegan version, they’d need notice. But he said no problem! No problem! Dance emoji! I hate springing the veganism on a restaurant without giving them prior notice, but they were unfazed. As any professional restaurant should be. Especially one with a Michelin star. I bet with advance warning they could have prepared something even better, but it was a great meal nonetheless.
After we were seated in the open, airy, totally unassuming dining room (where I could watch the open kitchen from my seat! I can see Russia from my house!), we were brought, without too much delay, a pitcher of tap water. Those who know me know that this is the way to my heart. Strong start. Then we were brought a basket of really good hearty bread. Second way to my heart. My heart was so happy! On to the food!
Like other Michelinas, Lyle’s usually gives printed menus to each diner. However, since I surprised them, I didn’t get a printed menu, so the following descriptions of the dishes are pure guesses.

The tasting menu officially consists of four dishes (for 44 GBP, not bad at all!), but like most places with tasting menus, the chef sends out a few off-book snacks to start you off and make you feel special. My first baby dish was roasted carrots, baby ones that still had their little green tops and were really cute and very good. They tasted like they had been wood-roasted on special delicious wood, reminding me of the magicked wood at Asador. I know you’re like, so hold up just a second, those are just two very small plain carrots. Yeah but they were good carrots and they were bonus food. I would say something about not looking a gift horse in the mouth but then I realized horses LOVE carrots and I feel like there is a better line in there somewhere.

So good and cute I would never use them for snowmen

My next bonus food was like the perfected version of a child’s after school snack. It was literally a slice of peach topped with raw white almond slivers. I thought, um, what, okay cool? But then I breathed, and I smelled the strongest peach scent I’ve ever smelled. I don’t really recall ever eating a peach that smelled as good as this piece did even when it was still on the plate, feet away from my nose. I can’t recall any fruit ever smelling that good and that strong from so far away! (Durian doesn’t count it is the Voldemort of fruits.) The almonds were the whitest things I’ve ever seen since my legs circa two months ago. Really a fun little snack!

You’re not from around here, are you

The first of the official dishes I think was actually my favorite. I got a dish of fresh peas topped with edible purple flowers and lightly dressed greens. So simple, I know. But so well done. When good restaurants serve me peas, they’re usually the best most perfect peas ever and I kind of freak out because I really only use frozen peas and it’s in soups and similar jawns that cook for ages and they get super mushy and they’re just completely different from these perfect little adorable peas. Real good.

When a restaurant gives me fresh peas I’m thisclose to rapping about them like Meryl Streep in ‘Into the Woods’

Next up to bat the Rosarios they run the cab company oops no it’s this meta world beet dish. I’m skeptical of a dish that is mainly beets but these were damn good glazed little beets! Moreover, those greens on top are the beet greens, one of my favorite pieces of greenery and one of the hardest to find (because I don’t buy bushels of beets straight from the earth who does that). They were dusted with walnut powder, a surprisingly brilliant mix of two very earthy foods.

they struggle in the barrio

damn you oh nee ohn

My main dish was girolles, which I think are the same thing as chantarelles, so, nice little mushrooms. They were cooked to a great level of dark saltiness, served with fresh arugula (I think) to offset the depth of the flavor and mixed with some barely detectable buckwheat, which added a really wonderful subtle earthiness. They were also served with small little onion bulbs, which are fine when fully cooked so they are soft and translucent but you see that one bulb right in the foreground? That was mostly raw still, and I ate it, and then I smelled like oh nee ohns for DAYS and I was nauseous from it for DAYS and ugh raw onions are not for consumption by dogs OR humans. Other than that, this dish was great! Oh the best is that there were these interesting little fried bits of something mixed in. They actually looked like meat and kind of tasted like a meat or a substitute, maybe. I was intrigued and really enjoying them so I asked a waitress what they were. She kind of laughed at me and said, “Um that’s fried pieces of bread!” So embarrassing. But bread is good and fried bread apparently is good too! It was funny, and it did taste really good. Yet I would have preferred some kind of bean instead, right? There was no real protein source in this meal. I am giving them the benefit of the doubt that it was because I came without giving them a chance to prepare. But if you see this Lyle, remember to give vegans protein otherwise they will turn into the grass that they eat. I mean who doesn’t have 100 cans of beans on hand at all times what you don’t no me either I’m not prepping a fallout shelter or anything.

Normally in these tasting menu meals, we get so full that it hurts before we’re even halfway through. I tend to start either talking like Gizmo or laughing hysterically in a manner akin to how it used to sound signing onto AOL. The great part of Lyle’s is that it’s totally a normal amount of food so you don’t get that hurt. The only thing that happened was that at one point Husband stopped, made a quizzical face, emptied his pockets, and then said, “I have crumbs in my pockets.” I’m still laughing about that one. But now, we still felt like normal people and had room for dessert!

If I could find a vegan yogurt like this, not sweet but also not tart or disgusting, I could actually eat yogurt

As we know, dessert at non-vegan restaurants is usually fruit or fruit sorbet, which, by the way, I will never want from a restaurant, unless it’s like in a country where I haven’t been able to find fruit for days or something. So when I saw the waiter heading towards me with a dessert plate, I crossed my fingers and started shouting “no whammy no whammy no whammy!” It worked! I mean, well yes it did have both fruit and frozen fruit ice, but it was over iced cream! No not ice cream, iced cream, like non-tart non-sweet thick Greek yogurt kind of cream. It was such a good vehicle for the raspberries and the delicious sweet raspberry slushy ice on top of it. Really good job guys! As non-chocolate non-peanut butter desserts go, this was very good, and much more sophisticated than my usual favorite dessert of putting chocolate and peanut butter in my mouth at the same time.
Overall, Lyle’s offers a very nice tasting menu for a very reasonable price, and I bet with advance notice, you’d get an even better meal, maybe with some protein. When we asked for the check, they brought two more bonus desserts! I got a tiny ‘sandwich’ of delicate cinnamony crackers with blueberry compote. Neither component was sweet enough but it was pretty nice still! Huzzah.

LYLE’S, SHOREDITCH, LONDON, UK, EUROPE FOR NOW
Water speed: Very impressive for a London restaurant! I wonder if they talked afterwards about how they never had a patron go through so many jugs of water.
Service: Very nice and accommodating, considering I surprised them. Service itself was good for most of the meal, but the second half slowed down a great deal. I think I spent over an hour between finishing the girolles and getting my dessert. A lot of that is because Husband was given an extra dish, but not all of it was that.
Bathrooms: The bathrooms are single serving, one for men and one for women. Like all places with this setup, they should just make it singles for everyone. I don’t get the specifying for gender when it’s single toilets. I mean maybe the men’s has a urinal but it also must have a toilet so come on. They had nice soap but also had that weird pull chain from the ceiling to flush like so many London places do because this city was built a billion years ago and the plumbing is atrosh. This is the most I’ve ever written about toilets and I feel weird.
Food: Overall nice, simple food done very well. Despite it being many courses, it felt non-sickly.
Bonus: Be so cool dining in Shoreditch with all the cool people!