Carrot Ginger Soup with Whipped Avocado Cream: Eat Your Colors!by Randi / July 31, 2014
This bitch
The Emmy Awards are tomorrow! Yeah, on a Monday! And still in August! What’s up with that! What the hell? Who decided this? Not that it affects me but I’m sure it affects someone and that’s not right. I hope none of you are working late tomorrow.
Anyway, so we’re here again at this 4-hour dose of crazy called the Emmy Awards, honoring whatever the crap the insane voters (the most insane of any voting body except maybe Florida) want to honor in Television. Television is amazing, by the way. As those of you who actually know me know, if a person doesn’t watch Television I will not know how to converse with said person. But the Emmys don’t really honor the best – if that were true, Tatiana Maslany (of “Orphan Black”) would already have at least one statue, and Steve Carell two. No, even more than the Golden Globes (that’s right, I’m saying it), the Emmys are…whack. Totally whack. Sometimes, the most deserving nominees do win, but the nominations themselves are often ridiculous.*
Anyway, so we’re here again at this 4-hour dose of crazy called the Emmy Awards, honoring whatever the crap the insane voters (the most insane of any voting body except maybe Florida) want to honor in Television. Television is amazing, by the way. As those of you who actually know me know, if a person doesn’t watch Television I will not know how to converse with said person. But the Emmys don’t really honor the best – if that were true, Tatiana Maslany (of “Orphan Black”) would already have at least one statue, and Steve Carell two. No, even more than the Golden Globes (that’s right, I’m saying it), the Emmys are…whack. Totally whack. Sometimes, the most deserving nominees do win, but the nominations themselves are often ridiculous.*
I know what you’re thinking. You’re slowly raising your hand and saying, “Um, excuse me, but the Golden Globes nominations are more nonsensical than the continued popularity of the Ice Bucket Challenge.” Yes, that’s true, but we know the Globes are redonk. We expect the redonk from the Hollywood Foreigners and we LOVE it. The Globes are fun and everyone knows they only exist because the Hollywood Foreigners’ parents are out of town and they want famous people to help them raid the liquor cabinet. But people still consider the Emmys to be meaningful and valuable and, god help us, career defining. The Emmys are tricksters. And, as it reads on the signs in Berlin metro stations, beware of tricksters. Seriously, Steve Carell. Never won. These voters are awful.
So let’s talk about who should win out of this year’s milky-unmixed-cloudy-substance of the crop, and more importantly, who should have been nominated. Full disclosure: I don’t actually watch every Television show there is. Shocking! But I know stuff. Also, Seth Meyers is hosting. I love Seth Meyers, but in things like Weekend Update and especially his White House Correspondent’s Dinner performance, my favorite of all time. I am wary of his being able to match Tina and Amy or Jimmy Fallon, the best Emmy hosts ever, because he doesn’t seem silly. But I have high hopes.
So let’s talk about who should win out of this year’s milky-unmixed-cloudy-substance of the crop, and more importantly, who should have been nominated. Full disclosure: I don’t actually watch every Television show there is. Shocking! But I know stuff. Also, Seth Meyers is hosting. I love Seth Meyers, but in things like Weekend Update and especially his White House Correspondent’s Dinner performance, my favorite of all time. I am wary of his being able to match Tina and Amy or Jimmy Fallon, the best Emmy hosts ever, because he doesn’t seem silly. But I have high hopes.
*I mean, I guess that’s the same for every award out there, but still. E for egregious, Emmy.
**PPS, I’m going to use the f word (well the letter f because I’m a lady) a lot, I predict.
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BEST COMEDY SERIES
SERIOUSLY AMERICA??? F THIS. I am so sick of the lazy voting. It’s like 7 years ago voters checked off ‘annuity’ instead of ‘cash’ for “Big Bang” and “Modern Family” and so their votes get renewed every year without a second thought. Yes, they are funny to some people, but come the f on, Bridget. Even the incredible “Louie” isn’t in there because voters actually watch and respect it; it’s in there every year now because the voters are too lazy to actually see what’s out there and change something. BEST ACTRESS IN A COMEDY
What?? I love Melissa McCarthy and Lena Dunham, but STOP it, voters. Stop voting for the former just because you love her movie work and stop voting for the latter because you love her writing. Voters don’t even watch EITHER of their shows, I guarantee it. How do I know? Because the old people composing this voting group don’t watch “Girls”, and they certainly don’t watch “Molly” because NO ONE DOES. BEST ACTOR IN A COMEDY
UGHHH!!!! Do you know how much it absolutely pains me to admit that Parsons is 99.9% likely to win yet afreakinggain on Sunday? I mean yes he is great and created a wonderful character but ENOUGH. FFS!!!! This entire category is a bunch of lazy recycled flooey. There’s no inspiration, there’s no ingenuity, no real thought evidenced. Same old same old, maybe some new but not really, lazy lazy lazy. My vote would have been for…none of these. It would have been for Chris Messina of “The Mindy Project”. He is PERFECTION. Seriously, do you watch it? I’m not just saying that because Mindy Kaling has written the most perfect romantic comedy leading man in a long time. He is a fantastic actor and he brings out genius and emotion in every single line. “I’ll have whatever gave her an orgasm!” will stand as the best paraphrase of all time. OF ALL TIME. How many times did you rewind the airplane scene? Did it even compare to how many times you watched the part where he tries to dress like Bradley Cooper for Mindy? OR WHEN HE DANCED??? Seriously. SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A COMEDY
I partly love this group and partly hate. Oh my lordy lord why is Julie Bowen nominated every year? It’s like her name was written in permanent marker on the dry erase board and no one can get it off so they’re like eh whatever, she’s good, let it stay up there. BUT COME ON. She’s good but she’s been doing the same thing for like 14 seasons and there is so much new fresh talent out there that deserves recognition. Also she scares me. SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A COMEDY
Last year, Tony Hale’s surprise win was one of the very best moments. Everyone loves Baby Buster, and he’s the easiest pick for the lazy voters this year because of that moment. (He also would definitely deserve it, because he submitted the nosebleed episode.) Andre might sneak in to win it, as his foray into comedy is what made B99 a success thus far. The “Modern Family” nominations are driving me absolutely bonkers and I can’t deal with them any longer. Stop it. I’m excited for Adam Driver but not for this past season. Maybe for next season. And who doesn’t like Fred Armisen (I mean I’m sure tons of people?) but…who besides vegans watches “Portlandia”? |
BEST DRAMA SERIES
Lazy lazy lazy, stick your head in gravy, ashes, ashes, you should all fall down. “Downton Abbey”? Give me a f-ing break! The first two seasons, sure, they were deserving of a nomination. But no more! Please, no more! America! You must get over this blind obsession with all this British! Ugh! Also, it’s a comedy. Watch it as a comedy and your mind will be blown. It should switch places with OITNB because the latter deserves to be in this category. BEST ACTRESS IN A DRAMA
Oh man are you as sick as I am of the lazy Michelle Dockery nomination every year? I just don’t get it. And “Homeland” gosh it feels like that hasn’t been on for years. That of course shouldn’t determine anything, but Claire has won a bunch and I like socialism in my awards. Julianna Margulies and Robin Wright are consistently awesome, but I just don’t see either of them winning. My vote would be for the ridiculously amazing and gorgeous Kerry Washington, who last year made cryface even better (and more often!) than Claire Danes. She should have won last year, especially after her co-presenter Diane Carroll pretty much said “Hey babe you’re gonna win later tonight” and then she LOST. That’s embarrassing. But I think Lizzy Caplan gets it this year because she’s on a new buzzy show that probably won’t win elsewhere (because it’s not nominated elsewhere). And come on, who doesn’t want Janis Ian to win? BEST ACTOR IN A DRAMA
Oh my god, if Jeff Daniels wins again I think every head in that theatre will explode. How crazy was that last year? And not good crazy. Crazy crazy. Woody Harrelson deserved a nod for his stint as Nathan “I’ve got my spleen money” NoLastName on “Will & Grace” but I don’t feel it here. And how nice would it be if Jon Hamm, always excellent but always a bridesmaid, finally finally won? He won’t though. Kevin Spacey deserves a win, but this race is between Cranston and McConaughey. Honestly, if McConaughey wins an EMMY the same year he won an OSCAR (over Chiwetel FFS!!!) I think my skin may just fall off. I guess we’ll see, because there’s actually a strong chance he’ll beat the favoritest Cranston for his final season as the most lovable (?) meth dealer in history on “Breaking Bad”. BB will either sweep its categories in a wave of final respects, or it’ll lose all its categories. Or something in between. SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A DRAMA
Ok. Deep breaths. Yes, Frogwoman and McGonagall are inexplicably nominated AGAIN for that show about annoying Brits. Jesus H! Maggie Smith has like 3 lines per season. I love Maggie so much, who doesn’t, but come the f on. 3 lines. And she’s won for this show like multiple times! And she’s never there to accept it! Move onnnnn Emmy voters! Move onnnnnn! Stop worrying if your vision is new/let others make that decision/they usually do/just keep moving onnnnnn! SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A DRAMA
Okay, I’m not actually angry about this category. In fact, I think it is the only category this year that isn’t giving me agita. I would be happy with 3 of these guys winning, and that’s not even including the one I bolded above. (But let’s get that lazy “Downton” vote out of there first.) |
WHAT ELSE CAN YOU EXPECT?
Expect a win for Jimmy Fallon’s first season on “The Tonight Show” and a sheeeettonneeeee for “The Normal Heart”. It wasn’t even half as brilliant and wrenching and soul-shattering as the last Broadway revival and still it was one of the best things on Television all season.
Do not expect a musical number.
Expect a directing win for none other than two-time Oscar winner Jodie Foster, for her direction of OITNB. Maybe she will EGOT? Can she sing?
Do not expect anyone to mention Lin-Manuel Miranda’s win at the Creatives last week, making him one of the few people who already have 3 of the 4 trophies necessary for an EGOT. He’s gonna do it. I can feel it.
Expect someone to present obviously drunk and for twitter to explode about it. And for the best part of the night to be the Best Actress in a Comedy nominees doing something silly as their category is announced.
ENJOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Expect a win for Jimmy Fallon’s first season on “The Tonight Show” and a sheeeettonneeeee for “The Normal Heart”. It wasn’t even half as brilliant and wrenching and soul-shattering as the last Broadway revival and still it was one of the best things on Television all season.
Do not expect a musical number.
Expect a directing win for none other than two-time Oscar winner Jodie Foster, for her direction of OITNB. Maybe she will EGOT? Can she sing?
Do not expect anyone to mention Lin-Manuel Miranda’s win at the Creatives last week, making him one of the few people who already have 3 of the 4 trophies necessary for an EGOT. He’s gonna do it. I can feel it.
Expect someone to present obviously drunk and for twitter to explode about it. And for the best part of the night to be the Best Actress in a Comedy nominees doing something silly as their category is announced.
ENJOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Allegiance with George Takei Comes to London
It’s Theatre Thursday! Today’s show is Allegiance, playing at the Charing Cross Theatre until April 8. OHHH MYYY!
George Takei’s very personal show about the Japanese internment camps that the United States thought were cool cool cool during WWII has come to London. I say ‘his show’ even though he didn’t write it because everyone calls it that, because it’s inspired by his life story. Our beloved Georgie was taken to the camps in California when he was mfing 5 YEARS OLD. It’s hard enough to watch adults playacting at living through this horror onstage; can you even fathom what it was like for this beloved man as a tiny boy? You cannot. So everything he brings to it — the harrowing story, the heart, the lovable performance, the magic of seeing this public persona live onstage — is wonderful, and the show is moving in large part because of all his gifts, gifts of performance and connection and the biggest one, of giving his story to the theatre.
The show begins with an elderly Japanese man named Sam (IT’S GEORGE!) dressing in his WWII uniform to mark the anniversary of Pearl Harbor, as he does every year. A woman comes to his door with the news that his sister Kei has died, and George kinda freaks out like STOP IT, PAST, LEAVE ME ALONE, I HADN’T TALKED TO KEI IN 50 YEARS! which is, wow, REALLY sad, like that’s a really long time, that’s much longer than I’ve been alive, wtf, how could you not talk to your sister for that long, what the crap happened? Luckily the show goes awooawoowoo and turns back time to show us the story of what happened. Sam becomes mfing lovable Telly Leung all the way from the great white wayyy yes Tellayyyyy! to play Sam as the young man, forced at the prime of his life to enter the internment camps with his sister Kei, his father who he THINKS is always disappointed in him but is he really or is he just strict and not great with English?, and his grandfather (played by George now). We see the trials and tribulations, yet also the hope and light they forge in the camps with their fellow prisoners, and the love they find – including TellySam with a hawhite nurse, Hannah. STUFF GOES DOWN!
Real talk, it’s not a great show because it still needs some editing of the story to make it as strong as it should be, but you are either lying or dead inside if you aren’t moved at least a few times. Removed from my first viewing on Broadway 7 years ago (jeeez), I can see how great this show could be with the help of a dramaturg. I’m a big believer that every show should hire a dramaturg for at the very least a once-over, like a final edit to make sure it’s in tip-toppiest. But even so, Allegiance has so many good qualities and strong parts, some great songs, some real potential in its characters and storylines. The parts don’t add up to as good or as strong a whole as they should, as it deserves. All that goodness is still there, but it needs some refining, and it’s a shame it didn’t get it.
BUT it’s all still there to be enjoyed and to be moved by! Allegiance is enjoyable and manages to tug at the heartstrings (I know I pick on the big miss at the Guardian because she’s terrible but like, objectively, how could you NOT. FEEL. ANYTHING. at the end? with the magazine? come on). Aynrand (real name…we are still both shocked and in awe of this…I just…her parents…wouldn’t you change…what’s…how’s…what’s…oh it’s just so amazing…and also no) Ferrer as Kei sounds very much like Lea Salonga, there’s a very similar tone to her voice, which is quite possibly the highest compliment that can be given on this planet, so her songs were a treat to listen to, including importantly my favorite song in the show, ‘Higher’. Its simple clear lyrics paint such an effective portrait of her childhood and her sacrifices, and so efficiently, it makes me teary every time. LOVES IT. Kei and Frankie, her love, didn’t have like, great chemistry (sorry Frankie) but I totally dug what Telly and Nurse Hannah created with their few songs (including the bop ‘I Oughta Go’, which was staged well).
Most of all, it’s a gift to see George Takei acting live onstage, giving his everything so we can feel and understand the importance of what he’s trying to convey. SO LISTEN TO HIM. HE’S BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH. HE’S 85 YEARS OLD. LISTEN TO HIMMMM. GO SEE IT AND BOW DOWN TO HIM. CRY YOU BASTARDS! WE LOVE YOU GEORGE!
Everywoman at London’s Bunker Theatre: You’re GD Right This is Universal
The riveting new work Everywoman finally offers a worthy counterpart to the classic 15th century morality play Everyman. Well, not ‘counterpart’ so much as ‘play that actually reflects the human condition and not just male whining’ (see e.g. Philip Roth). This short, powerful one-woman show runs the gamut of emotions, possibilities, and traumas around procreating, from abortion to miscarriage to loss to whether to bear and/or raise children at all. As Everyman’s author is ‘anonymous’, so too has the real writer behind this new work remained anonymous, so that it can be considered everyone’s story. And although it’s woman-driven storytelling, and radically so, I can’t think of one kind of person who wouldn’t feel seen by this. Sure the only full-fledged production of Everyman I’ve seen was the weird modernized take that took place mainly in a night club and infuriated me, but this Everywoman is the one that deserves the ‘universal’ status, despite the failure of the powers that be to ever attribute that to women’s work.
Obviously, there are content warnings to this show like never before. Take Dear Evan Hansen’s suicide content warning but for everything related to pregnancy and children and multiply that level by a solid thousand. The show follows the child-facing decisions of its sole performer, a captivating Jade Williams, at various points in her life when she has been pregnant, or wanted to be pregnant, or didn’t want to be, and how she felt during all of it. It also has a great deal of what I consider Next to Normal backstory about potential child loss, which was very well done and stressful and harrowing. I don’t know if anyone who has faced this sort of unspeakable loss would be able to make it through this section. The tiny room, the sole performer right there, baring her soul, it all creates such an intimacy that was breathtaking and so powerful that it was often distressing.
Despite repeatedly saying “I am Jade Williams and…” (a few too many times, perhaps, at least in the last section), this isn’t actually our fine performer’s story, and what of it actually happened to the actual writer is unclear too – but what’s the ‘truth’ is not relevant. It’s all truth, it’s all experiences that have happened to so many people and that’s what matters, not determining which parts were autobiographical on the anonymous writer’s part. Kind of missing the point chief!
The first section, with its frequent blackouts separating short, often funny statements, is cleverly done, setting a sarcastic and humorous tone but announcing how dark and real things would get. The second section, or chapter, as we learn more about this ‘Jade’ and her relationship and experiences, is a sharp contrast but equally brilliant in its ruthless openness. With sensitive and elegant direction by Amelia Sears, the tiny show accomplishes so much with effective minimal staging – a bathtub, buckets of water (that seemed to stay hot?? how!), candles (my god the candles). The final section, as Jade explains that it’s not exactly her actual life she’s been recounting, feels unnecessary since this is all about being universal tales, and so lost the tiniest bit of the magic. But overall, something this real and candid and, yes, universal is a triumph of honest storytelling.
INFORMATION
Hey yo Ev (what husbo p and I call Everyman because of that godawful Chiwetel production so I guess it’s what we’ll call Everywoman too) plays at the Bunker Theatre until Saturday Feb 22. The show is just under an hour (at press night was about 57 minutes). After a ten minute break, there is an approximately 20-minute confession by a different writer/performer every night. These confessions are private and not up for review, so I’ll simply say that I am still blown away by the clever writing and ingenuity of the one I was lucky enough to hear.
