A Burns Night Event in London, When Everyone is Scottishby Randi / January 29, 2015
A most unnecessary thing in this world is to ‘review’ anything Audra McDonald does. She’s the greatest singer in the world and one of the most effective actors. Any time she opens that goddamn fabulous trap of hers, it’s going to be the greatest sound you’ve ever heard. So, we’re not really going to review last weekend’s concert at Madrid’s Teatro Real; we are just going to gush about it. Because that’s all you can do when Audra performs.
I’ve had the ridiculous good fortune of being able to see Audra perform live every year since 2001, when I attended a master class for high school students that she held during the opening season of Philadelphia’s Kimmel Center. I remember she mentioned “my friend Julie Andrews” and I was like this is the coolest person ever. That night, we all got to attend her concert, and minds were blown like balloons. I remember hearing for the first time the incredibly fun songs “Bambalele” and “I Double Dare You” (both on her album “Happy Songs”). I’m pretty sure she sings the latter at every concert, and with dern good reason. It is SO FUN, and she clearly enjoys singing it. Also, it includes the lyric “You seem to think that half aloof is better than none”, which I adore.
I’ve had the ridiculous good fortune of being able to see Audra perform live every year since 2001, when I attended a master class for high school students that she held during the opening season of Philadelphia’s Kimmel Center. I remember she mentioned “my friend Julie Andrews” and I was like this is the coolest person ever. That night, we all got to attend her concert, and minds were blown like balloons. I remember hearing for the first time the incredibly fun songs “Bambalele” and “I Double Dare You” (both on her album “Happy Songs”). I’m pretty sure she sings the latter at every concert, and with dern good reason. It is SO FUN, and she clearly enjoys singing it. Also, it includes the lyric “You seem to think that half aloof is better than none”, which I adore.
When her 2015 tour was announced, only one European date was on the list – in Madrid. It’s a mystery to me how Madrid got sandwiched between Florida and North Carolina. Did the Teatro Real seek her out? Did she have private business already bringing her to Spain? Were there just good flight deals? It makes no sense! Since I’m in London, going to Madrid was easy enough and so worth it. In her Spanish debut, Audra may have given her best concert performance yet.
I assumed the concert would be sold out, because it’s Audra, until husband was like, “Um, we’re in Spain; do they know her??” and I got nervous. But that was dumb, because who doesn’t know Audra?? The 7 or so enormous levels in the Teatro were all very full, and I couldn’t see a single open seat in the orchestra. Duh.
She began, as she does, by walking out and immediately singing her first number, without addressing the audience. I love that she is so baller that way. She began with Kander & Ebb’s “Sing Happy”, from a show that is actually called “Flora, the Red Menace”, which sounds like a period piece. The other kind. It’s an okay song, extremely repetitive, but she made it great. Afterwards, she addressed the audience in hilariously bad Spanish, thanking everyone and saying how excited she was to be there. I got nervous that the whole show would be in broken Spanish. It was easily understandable basic Spanish; that’s not the point. But the best part of Audra concerts is her storytelling, so personal and touching and lovely. Luckily, her little speech ended with “well from now on I’ll be speaking in English the rest of the night, because Spanish for me is a disaster.” However you say that in Spanish. It was adorable. Her stories were noticeably abridged because she tried to speak in more basic English so more people could potentially understand. Nice of her!
The lineup that followed included a mix of Rodgers & Hammerstein, Sondheim, more Kander & Ebb, and lots of other legendary composers of Broadway classics. She of course sang “I Double Dare You”, continuing her streak, and another super old song called “My Buddy” that she does often. In her intro to “My Buddy”, she mentions how she came upon a war veteran singing this song outside her favorite restaurant in NYC. (She didn’t mention this time that that favorite restaurant is Chipotle; I guess she knew they don’t have them in Spain. I really wanted to shout to the whole theatre “She’s talking about Chipotle hahahah!”.) The sad story of another homeless war veteran, reinforcing how shittily the USA treats them, is lightened somewhat by her promise to sing the song in the same key the vet sang it in, leading you to expect her to sing it quite low, only to laugh when it’s super high. She does say doing it in the same key is “impressive, for one of us.” I love that.
I assumed the concert would be sold out, because it’s Audra, until husband was like, “Um, we’re in Spain; do they know her??” and I got nervous. But that was dumb, because who doesn’t know Audra?? The 7 or so enormous levels in the Teatro were all very full, and I couldn’t see a single open seat in the orchestra. Duh.
She began, as she does, by walking out and immediately singing her first number, without addressing the audience. I love that she is so baller that way. She began with Kander & Ebb’s “Sing Happy”, from a show that is actually called “Flora, the Red Menace”, which sounds like a period piece. The other kind. It’s an okay song, extremely repetitive, but she made it great. Afterwards, she addressed the audience in hilariously bad Spanish, thanking everyone and saying how excited she was to be there. I got nervous that the whole show would be in broken Spanish. It was easily understandable basic Spanish; that’s not the point. But the best part of Audra concerts is her storytelling, so personal and touching and lovely. Luckily, her little speech ended with “well from now on I’ll be speaking in English the rest of the night, because Spanish for me is a disaster.” However you say that in Spanish. It was adorable. Her stories were noticeably abridged because she tried to speak in more basic English so more people could potentially understand. Nice of her!
The lineup that followed included a mix of Rodgers & Hammerstein, Sondheim, more Kander & Ebb, and lots of other legendary composers of Broadway classics. She of course sang “I Double Dare You”, continuing her streak, and another super old song called “My Buddy” that she does often. In her intro to “My Buddy”, she mentions how she came upon a war veteran singing this song outside her favorite restaurant in NYC. (She didn’t mention this time that that favorite restaurant is Chipotle; I guess she knew they don’t have them in Spain. I really wanted to shout to the whole theatre “She’s talking about Chipotle hahahah!”.) The sad story of another homeless war veteran, reinforcing how shittily the USA treats them, is lightened somewhat by her promise to sing the song in the same key the vet sang it in, leading you to expect her to sing it quite low, only to laugh when it’s super high. She does say doing it in the same key is “impressive, for one of us.” I love that.
One of my favorite moments was when she sang “Stars and the Moon”, Jason Robert Brown’s song from “Songs for a New World”. Although I am the world’s biggest proponent of everyone shutting the f up during shows, I couldn’t help cheering when she talked a bit about Brown, one of my favorite composers. She mentioned that he won Tonys for last year’s “The Bridges of Madison County” and I kind of shrieked with glee. She also said he has a new show on Broadway now called “Honeymoon in Vegas” and it took all my strength ALL OF IT not to yell I KNOW AUDRA I SAW IT A FEW WEEKS AGO I’M SO COOL. I have to remember that her concerts are not opportunities for conversations. Anyway, “Stars and the Moon” was the first song I ever heard Audra sing, and so it has a very special place in my heart. I almost cried, I was so happy to hear it live. It’s a sad song about a woman who shuns love on multiple occasions in pursuit of more material gains, only to realize once she has all the material nonsense she wished for that she will never find real love again. What an idiot.
Thinking back on the playlist, I want to call every single number a highlight. Except for an almost boring lullaby here and there, there were no weak points. The absolute standout by far was that she shared her Tony-winning performance of “Summertime” from Gershwin’s “Porgy & Bess”. She sang without the microphone, as it was in a high enough operatic register for the audience to hear it well without the mic, and with only light piano accompaniment. It was pretty much the most astounding vocal performance you could ever hope to hear.
Here is a video of Pohgy’s Tony performance so you can hear a bit of Audra and then listen to Normy sing “I Got Plenty O’ Nothin’” because I love it. Also his voice breaks because you can’t warm up well before Tony performances and it’s adorable if unbelievably embarrassing for him.
Another highlight was Audra’s take on “Moments in the Woods” from Sondheim’s “Into the Woods”, and she mentioned several times that the movie starring Meryl Streep was now playing. The Baker’s Wife is notorious for being the most difficult and important role in “Into the Woods”, and this song of hers exemplifies that. It’s a delicate balance between humor and poignancy and regret, and Audra, even though this was just a concert, acted all of this perfectly. Just so impressive. Why is she never in Sondheim shows?
One song that she thankfully didn’t sing in character was “Maybe This Time” from “Cabaret”. Although Sally Bowles is pretty much the #1 role actresses want to play in their careers, her songs cannot be sung well in the play, because Sally is supposed to be a pretty crappy singer in the Kit Kat Klub. (You can currently see this being well played (terribly sung) by Emma Stone on Broadway.) It’s a shame, because Sally’s songs are so phenomenal, none more so than “Maybe This Time”. It’s her one moment of hope and resolve in the whole show, and the song is so powerful even though it’s not beautifully sung. Well, Audra gives all of musical theatre a huge gift by doing this song in concert, where she’s free to sing it out of character and thus beautifully. Just Jesus H it’s the best. I love how, in this video of her singing it a few years ago, the audience applauds when it recognizes the opening bars; everyone is that excited to hear this song sung as powerfully as it can be outside the confines of the character.
One song that she thankfully didn’t sing in character was “Maybe This Time” from “Cabaret”. Although Sally Bowles is pretty much the #1 role actresses want to play in their careers, her songs cannot be sung well in the play, because Sally is supposed to be a pretty crappy singer in the Kit Kat Klub. (You can currently see this being well played (terribly sung) by Emma Stone on Broadway.) It’s a shame, because Sally’s songs are so phenomenal, none more so than “Maybe This Time”. It’s her one moment of hope and resolve in the whole show, and the song is so powerful even though it’s not beautifully sung. Well, Audra gives all of musical theatre a huge gift by doing this song in concert, where she’s free to sing it out of character and thus beautifully. Just Jesus H it’s the best. I love how, in this video of her singing it a few years ago, the audience applauds when it recognizes the opening bars; everyone is that excited to hear this song sung as powerfully as it can be outside the confines of the character.
It’s no secret how much I love sing-along moments in fun songs – Berthe’s “No Time At All” in the recent “Pippin” revival, “Wig In A Box” in “Hedwig” – as long as they are kept brief, so I loved when Audra asked the audience to sing along with her in “I Could Have Danced All Night” and then after a few choruses said “Okay hush it’s my solo.” She is hilarious! She did mention Julie Andrews, of course, whose version is the most well known, but she didn’t call her “my friend Julie Andrews”, so that was a let-down. Maybe they aren’t friends anymore because of “The Princess Diaries” or something.
Proving how wonderful an actress she is, the most impressive parts of the concert were her most moving, emotional songs. Along with “Summertime”, a notable song in this category was “Go Back Home” from Kander & Ebb’s “The Scottsboro Boys”. We all know how I feel about that show and how depressing and necessary it is. “Go Back Home” is the most beautiful and notable song from the musical, and Audra made it lovelier than ever. More importantly, she talked about how she is so involved in the gay rights movement because her life was made possible by the civil rights movement, and how we all owe it to each other to try to make things better and fight for equality across the board. That’s when she mentioned that without the struggle of people in the civil rights movement, she wouldn’t have been able to marry her white husband, Will Swenson, who was SITTING IN THE FRONT ROW. I didn’t know that until that point. I was in the first balcony closest to the stage so I could have thrown something at him but you can’t throw a hug.
Proving how wonderful an actress she is, the most impressive parts of the concert were her most moving, emotional songs. Along with “Summertime”, a notable song in this category was “Go Back Home” from Kander & Ebb’s “The Scottsboro Boys”. We all know how I feel about that show and how depressing and necessary it is. “Go Back Home” is the most beautiful and notable song from the musical, and Audra made it lovelier than ever. More importantly, she talked about how she is so involved in the gay rights movement because her life was made possible by the civil rights movement, and how we all owe it to each other to try to make things better and fight for equality across the board. That’s when she mentioned that without the struggle of people in the civil rights movement, she wouldn’t have been able to marry her white husband, Will Swenson, who was SITTING IN THE FRONT ROW. I didn’t know that until that point. I was in the first balcony closest to the stage so I could have thrown something at him but you can’t throw a hug.
Her most upsetting song I knew was coming and yet I couldn’t do anything to stop the cryfest. I’ve heard her sing “I’ll Be Here” by Adam Gwon three times in concert now, and every time she intros the song by explaining how Gwon won the Fred Ebb award and how he’s one to watch. So I knew she was going to sing this unbelievably sad and moving and just absolutely perfect song about living during 9/11 and losing love and it still hit me and everyone else in the audience like a ton of bricks. Every time she sings this song, I think every single audience member sobs uncontrollably. Maybe less so here because of the language barrier, but there were still a good deal of sniffles.
Her last official song was the crowd-pleasing “Climb Ev’ry Mountain”, so she got to talk about everyone’s favorite thing, the Carrie Underwood-led “The Sound of Music Live!” She didn’t mention the exclamation point in the title but man alive can she sing this song. It was wonderful. So wonderful, that the audience simply could not stop applauding in its standing ovation. She came out a few minutes later for an encore of “When Did I Fall In Love”, which she often opens with. It’s a rousing, joyous song from the musical “Fiorello!” with another exclamation point. And yes, to husband’s disbelief, it is indeed a musical about NYC mayor Fiorello LaGuardia.
The audience couldn’t stop applauding again after this encore. It was so nuts that Audra was forced to come out again for a rare second encore. She and her long-time musical director and pianist Andy Einhorn looked through his music trying to find something to sing, and they settled on “Over The Rainbow”, complete with that incredible introduction that I love so much. I love how many people’s faces were like “Wait what song is this…?” during the intro and then when it resolves into the familiar “Somewhere over the rainbow” their faces showed their recognition. It was a perfect final song to an absolutely perfect concert. We tried waiting at stage door to meet Audra (and Will), but after 45 minutes in absolutely feet-numbing cold we had to call it. Even I have stage door limits. Also we had other shows to see (late night flamenco!). But that experience couldn’t at all tarnish this stunning evening by the world’s greatest singer. If you ever are near one of her concert stops, you have to go.
The audience couldn’t stop applauding again after this encore. It was so nuts that Audra was forced to come out again for a rare second encore. She and her long-time musical director and pianist Andy Einhorn looked through his music trying to find something to sing, and they settled on “Over The Rainbow”, complete with that incredible introduction that I love so much. I love how many people’s faces were like “Wait what song is this…?” during the intro and then when it resolves into the familiar “Somewhere over the rainbow” their faces showed their recognition. It was a perfect final song to an absolutely perfect concert. We tried waiting at stage door to meet Audra (and Will), but after 45 minutes in absolutely feet-numbing cold we had to call it. Even I have stage door limits. Also we had other shows to see (late night flamenco!). But that experience couldn’t at all tarnish this stunning evening by the world’s greatest singer. If you ever are near one of her concert stops, you have to go.
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West End’s Cabaret Revival Pretty Wonderful, Though Not As Life-Changing As They Say
It’s Theatre Thursday! I lost track of days again! What is time! Today’s show is the new production of Cabaret at London’s Playhouse Theatre, which marketing and publicity says has been renamed The Kit Kat Club, but unless that name lasts beyond this production it doesn’t really count. You know the Playhouse, it’s the one just past the Enbankment arches where there’s a Subway I actually ate at once.
London’s latest version of Cabaret is the hottest ticket in town, and with dern good reason. With Eddie Redmayne as the Emcee and Jessie Buckley as Sally Bowles, the star power is out the wazoo and ticket prices have reflected that. It’s the most expensive show the West End has seen in a while, with little way around it. And while it is indeed a wonderful production with some great performances, it is not as life-changing or once-in-a-generation or sell-your-soul-to-see-this as some critics have fallen over themselves to proclaim. If you’ve seen a strong production of Cabaret in your life (which is likely, considering how prolific productions have been for so many decades and how strong the bones of the show are to lend itself to strong productions even without this star power), this one won’t be much different, so do not sell your soul. If you do have a ticket though, well, splendid.
Cabaret, as you know, tells the story of Sally Bowles, an unsteady but effervescent English cabaret performer in a seedy Berlin nightclub just as the Nazis rise to power. Threaded through the story of Sally and her new American writer beau and the world they’re in are scenes from the cabaret, led by an unsettling-sexy-scary-phantasm type jawn whose scenes when well-directed (which they are here) can Mean More than They Seem.
Although no one is talking about it, I was extra curious/anxious to see this show again after the recent controversy over Rare Earth Mettle, Jewish casting, and general treatment of Jewishness in London theatre. Cabaret was written by Jews and is literally about Nazis taking over and German Jews getting a glimpse of what’s to come, but some productions feel like they are taking that into account more than others in a certain ineffable way. The last Broadway revival had a vibe running through it like it acknowledged it was by and somewhat about Jews, even though it’s About an English gentile girl. This one does not, although the performance of Schultz (Elliot Levey) is very good. I think this comes back down to the difference between theatre in New York vs. London which I’ve written about a lot and don’t feel like doing today.
There are three big selling points of this production: First, the theatre itself. Yes, it has been transformed from the minute you walk in the door, which is about 20 minutes later than you thought you would because it takes motherforking forever to be let in. This is because, fortunately, staff is checking for negative LFTs (and haven’t even half the swiftness of Broadway staffers in checking patron by patron) and also, unfortunately, they are clearly slowing down the inflow of people because it’s super crowded inside, and also, fortunately, everyone who enters gets a free drink from one single bartender per route of entry (just like who designed this system guys) (oh you get either a beer, a tiny thimble of Schnapps, or a bottle of water. pretty cool). The frustration of waiting out in the cold for so long despite your ticketed ‘entry time’ being 39 minutes ago quickly fades when you enter the completely reimagined space, which has shadowy figures hither and yon playing instruments, ‘dancing’, and generally creating the vibe of a seedy old German club, I mean, I’m guessing. While it’s fun to look around and become immersed in the experience before the show begins, I’m not a huuuge fan of seedy underground clubs, or clubs in general, and I’m really not a fan of milling about with hundos of unmasked jackwagons. So, while it was cool, this whole shibang wasn’t as mind-blowingly amaaaz as everyone says. That’s just me that’s just me; everyone else was totally oohing and ahhing at the scantily clad writhers scattered about.
More importantly: the second and third selling points of this show, the two stars. Eddie Redmayne is as good as they say. He’s doing this weird hunchback-of-Notre-Dame meets sickly-Victorian-boy meets haunted-marionette thing that really works for the Emcee. His approach was different enough from the legendary Alan Cumming performance I feel like I just saw on Broadway, so there weren’t many reasons to compare the two, I think fortunately. Cumming does have that unabashed unhindered and almost uncomfortably high awareness of sexuality though, like oozing out his pores, and Eddie does not, so that makes the sessual bits (like “Two Ladies”) feel a bit awks, a bit mismatched. But he sounds great and he’s so fully committed to this pretty insane role.
The real star for me is Jessie Buckley as Sally Bowles. At first I was left a little wanting when her opening number, “Don’t Tell Mama”, was more spoken than sung, which is a peeve of mine, but with every minute she keeps leveling up. Her first scene with Cliff, with all the Britishisms about what ‘one does’ and all was pitch perfect and reached new levels of hilarity that I never really got before. Her instability and her sense of self are clear without being annoying. She keeps building this character and its anxieties and fears throughout the show so that her final swansong of “Cabaret” was shockingly strong and completely untethered. Husbo thought it was a little too unhinged, but I loved it. Buckley wholly nails that vibe of Sally being a manic pixie girl but in a nightmare instead of a dream. She is wonderful.
The supporting cast is strong too, with the side plot between Fraulein Schneider (Liza Sadovy) and Herr Schultz carrying the day, in large part due to the power of Sadovy’s numbers. I like Omari Douglas but felt he was miscast as Cliff here, perhaps because he was the one onstage I could tell was capital-A Acting. But my criticisms are small, really. This production is so well directed that there are still parts that are creeping up on me, like how Eddie is dressed up as a Halloween-ish depiction of death conducting the cast during the Act I closer ‘Tomorrow Belongs to Me’, get it, because it did? you get it. It’s always interesting to see how they can make yet another production of this oft-performed classic feel warranted, and this one was. More than anything though, it cemented that these two stars are motherforking Stars that I hope continue in theatre for a long time.
INFORMATION
Strongly recommend sitting up the dress circle. It’s cheaper (somewhat) and easier to get to the bathrooms. The first act is LONG, like an hour 40? The second is an hour.
No one wears masks because they are drinking the whole time. The assholes next to us had bottles of wine and whenever they would refill their glasses, they would cheers and clink their glasses. We were close to screaming but they always chose their moments to prevent this, like doing it at the emotional climax of ‘Maybe This Time’. I FORKING HATE YOU. A lot of people in the cabaret tables up front were obviously there to be seen, in a pathetic but unavoidable in the social media age way. There was this girl sitting right in front in like a silver and white Sexy Baby costume who was gasping and clutching her throat the whole time in wonderment so fake and performative, it was plainly a 2 1/2 hour audition for her. I hope she gets the attention she so badly craves. Anyway what I’m saying is it was a bad audience but WHATEVER.
American Buffalo on the West End: Not About The Wild Animal, Sadly
You know how you hate going to stuffy smoky bars because it makes you uncomfortable and you hate making forced small talk and you just want to go home and watch TV but sometimes you go because you feel obligated or you just forget how much you dislike it and how little you’ll enjoy it? that’s how I feel about David Mamet plays.
While I recognize that Mamet captures well the kind of unsettling dialogue and awful relationships that awful people have…who cares about those awful characters that I don’t care about? They give me agita and they’re always unbelievably unsympathetic and hateful and whoa sexist (I continually feel cringely bad for Zosia and not just because she is still on “Girls”). So, his plays aren’t for me because I don’t like being made to feel nervous and agitated and unsatisfied that bad people don’t learn lessons or get punished, so I extra don’t want to pay for these feelings when at my happy place, the theatre. It gives me the terribles.
But. I had to see “American Buffalo”, now on the West End at the Wyndham theatre for a limited engagement, because it stars Damian Lewis and John Goodman, one actor I love for how convincingly he can do an American accent (so far we are 2/98 this season on the West End, I’m keeping track) and one I love for being in nearly every cultural touchstone during my life and usually playing the dad, like “Coyote Ugly”. Such a great cast surely could assuage my tremblesads at the play itself.
Well. That’s a lot of pressure to put on them. Joined by Tony-nominee Tom Sturridge, they’re fine actors but they’re not miracle workers. Literally nothing happens. Yet it’s enough to show us how vile everyone is and how gross life is, especially when you wear a purple leisure suit.
Okay, let’s backtrack. John Goodman plays Don, who runs a junk shop, not a pawn shop, I think there’s a difference, but anyway it’s a shop full of funk. The overly busy, junk-filled, crazy crammed set is quite remarkable and effective, like as soon as the lights hit it, I got nauseous because ugly things make me nauseous, like how I get when I watch sitcoms that don’t star beautiful people. (That’s a joke that’s the Mamet residue talking.) That’s some good set design. Don talks to his clearly-formerly-drug-ridden and bedraggled young friend, or protégé perhaps, named Bobby (Tom Sturridge). We learn that they’re thieves, con men of sorts, even though Goodman is wearing old man glasses on a chain like a nice boy and a Mr. Rogers cardigan.
Then a past-his-prime ginger pervert in the aforementioned purple leisure suit waltzes in (like really I think he waltzed) to show off his enormous side burns (real) and his hella pornstache and the audience got visibly excited because it was Damian Lewis. I was so excited to finally hear an English actor do a completely perfect American accent for the first time since I saw Andy Nyman in “Assassins”. But he opened his mouth, and shooting out like keg-stand-fueled projectile vomit by a skinny little teenager at his first frat party came a Chicago accent. A pretty perfect Chicago accent that he obviously trained seriously for, but a freaking strong as hell Chicago accent. It was insane. Most people in the audience I am sure don’t know that Chicagoans have a very very particular accent and probably just thought he was having a stroke. But the strongest accent in the history of Chicago was coupled with over-the-top shtick and hamming and it was too much, super distracting from the shitty character and the shitty play. They should hang him in Iran for that.
Sturridge, meanwhile, adopted the very accurate lazy drawl and rubbery physique of a former addict trying to stay clean minute by minute. He also had a teardrop tattoo on his face so he wasn’t the most sympathetic person, even though he was the most sympathetic person on stage.
Damian played “Teach”, a professional “businessman” as they say repeatedly to convince themselves they aren’t criminals. But you could tell he was professional and real business-like because he was wearing that suit. The three characters discuss how a well-dressed guy came in the day before and paid $90 for a Buffalo head nickel, which is why it’s called American Buffalo. Wow, $90 for a coin, he’s probably a collector, they say. So they decide to rob his house. Naturally.
So the whole two-act play is Teach and Don planning this robbery and trying to get rid of poor messed-up not-all-there Bobby, because Teach doesn’t trust him. That distrust warps Don’s formerly fatherly view of Bobby and he turns on him as well, even though Bobby didn’t do anything wrong. Except I mean probably kill a guy in prison or whatever the teardrop means. They plan this robbery based on absolutely zero facts and they decide they need an unseen player named Fletcher to help them. Fletcher is apparently the ‘businessman’ to end all ‘businessmen’ (like literally probably end them), and if even Teach admits that freely, hoo boy, he must be wearing f-ing neon tails or something. But as Teach and Don wait for Fletcher to arrive at the appointed time for the burgling, Bobby arrives at the junk shop to tell them that Fletcher is in the hospital! Oh no! PS OMG, this is where I think the director changed Mamet’s words, because every single time any character referred to Fletcher being in the hospital in this scene, which is A LOT, they said ‘in hospital’, which is a British thing. Americans don’t say ‘in hospital’, we say ‘in THE hospital’. Fletcher would have been in the hospital, not in hospital. And Mamet is American so that was REALLY weird to keep hearing.
Well. That’s a lot of pressure to put on them. Joined by Tony-nominee Tom Sturridge, they’re fine actors but they’re not miracle workers. Literally nothing happens. Yet it’s enough to show us how vile everyone is and how gross life is, especially when you wear a purple leisure suit.
Okay, let’s backtrack. John Goodman plays Don, who runs a junk shop, not a pawn shop, I think there’s a difference, but anyway it’s a shop full of funk. The overly busy, junk-filled, crazy crammed set is quite remarkable and effective, like as soon as the lights hit it, I got nauseous because ugly things make me nauseous, like how I get when I watch sitcoms that don’t star beautiful people. (That’s a joke that’s the Mamet residue talking.) That’s some good set design. Don talks to his clearly-formerly-drug-ridden and bedraggled young friend, or protégé perhaps, named Bobby (Tom Sturridge). We learn that they’re thieves, con men of sorts, even though Goodman is wearing old man glasses on a chain like a nice boy and a Mr. Rogers cardigan.
Then a past-his-prime ginger pervert in the aforementioned purple leisure suit waltzes in (like really I think he waltzed) to show off his enormous side burns (real) and his hella pornstache and the audience got visibly excited because it was Damian Lewis. I was so excited to finally hear an English actor do a completely perfect American accent for the first time since I saw Andy Nyman in “Assassins”. But he opened his mouth, and shooting out like keg-stand-fueled projectile vomit by a skinny little teenager at his first frat party came a Chicago accent. A pretty perfect Chicago accent that he obviously trained seriously for, but a freaking strong as hell Chicago accent. It was insane. Most people in the audience I am sure don’t know that Chicagoans have a very very particular accent and probably just thought he was having a stroke. But the strongest accent in the history of Chicago was coupled with over-the-top shtick and hamming and it was too much, super distracting from the shitty character and the shitty play. They should hang him in Iran for that.
Sturridge, meanwhile, adopted the very accurate lazy drawl and rubbery physique of a former addict trying to stay clean minute by minute. He also had a teardrop tattoo on his face so he wasn’t the most sympathetic person, even though he was the most sympathetic person on stage.
Damian played “Teach”, a professional “businessman” as they say repeatedly to convince themselves they aren’t criminals. But you could tell he was professional and real business-like because he was wearing that suit. The three characters discuss how a well-dressed guy came in the day before and paid $90 for a Buffalo head nickel, which is why it’s called American Buffalo. Wow, $90 for a coin, he’s probably a collector, they say. So they decide to rob his house. Naturally.
So the whole two-act play is Teach and Don planning this robbery and trying to get rid of poor messed-up not-all-there Bobby, because Teach doesn’t trust him. That distrust warps Don’s formerly fatherly view of Bobby and he turns on him as well, even though Bobby didn’t do anything wrong. Except I mean probably kill a guy in prison or whatever the teardrop means. They plan this robbery based on absolutely zero facts and they decide they need an unseen player named Fletcher to help them. Fletcher is apparently the ‘businessman’ to end all ‘businessmen’ (like literally probably end them), and if even Teach admits that freely, hoo boy, he must be wearing f-ing neon tails or something. But as Teach and Don wait for Fletcher to arrive at the appointed time for the burgling, Bobby arrives at the junk shop to tell them that Fletcher is in the hospital! Oh no! PS OMG, this is where I think the director changed Mamet’s words, because every single time any character referred to Fletcher being in the hospital in this scene, which is A LOT, they said ‘in hospital’, which is a British thing. Americans don’t say ‘in hospital’, we say ‘in THE hospital’. Fletcher would have been in the hospital, not in hospital. And Mamet is American so that was REALLY weird to keep hearing.
ANYWAY, Teach obviously thinks Bobby is lying because he suspects him of spying on Don for this scary Chinese lady down the street who makes their bacon sandwiches every morning and gives them coffee and is suuuuper scary, apparently, sounds it. So based on this unfounded suspicion, Teach beats the shit out of Bobby for lying to them and trying to mess up their burgling, and Don just lets it happen. Bobby goes unresponsive, and Don finally is like, “Oh Teach…um…hey…sorry to bother you dude…bro…hey…maybe go get your car, maybe let’s take him to the hospital? I mean to hospital? This is really serious.” But of course they go on talking about nothing and doing nothing instead, resulting probably in further brain damage to Bobby. And then they find out that Fletcher really WAS in the hospital, I mean in hospital, and so they beat up poor Bobby for absolutely no reason. So after learning this information, Don again says quarter-heartedly, “Oh hey Teach…oh did I compliment your suit yet? it goes real nice with your sideburns…anyway…um…hey maybe go get your car?” THIS GOES ON FOR FIFTEEN MINUTES AND THE POOR BOY IS DYING. I have NEVER been SO CLOSE to breaking the fourth wall as an audience member and yelling GO GET YOUR F-ING CAR, TEACH! GET THE F-ING CAR! I was literally squirming in my seat trying not to flip my shit. It was INSANE. Finally Bobby wakes a little, bleeding from his head wound, and I think Teach left to get his car and I think they drive him to the hospital but at this point my surroundings were all glittery shooting stars produced as a result of my blinding furytrembles and agitation.
So I think that’s how it ended, they don’t do the robbery and stuff but I’m sure they go on to do something equally bad the next night. And that’s all. DAMMIT MAMET.
AUDIENCE: Pretty decent! I didn’t notice any phones, and I only heard a little whispering. I’m very impressed, London! BUT, I must warn you if you see this show (haha are you going to???) or if you see any subsequent show at the Wyndham: The Upper Circle is AWFUL. Do not sit up there, you won’t be able to see down to the stage. I don’t know what pissed off the architect so much when he designed this building, but you do not want to sit up top, period. We were in the first row of the upper circle, so that was good, but that’s because no one was in front of us and we could lean forward to look down. I don’t think the people behind us could see anything except the 100 old bicycles hanging from the ceiling. So crazy! Don’t do it!
